The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} – Details, episodes & analysis

This episode originally aired on November 7th, 2023

Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?

They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk?

I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).

This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• The developmental milestones needed before a child can identify or talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain
• How we can use our kids’ behavior as cues/clues to let us know something about their brain development and what interventions are appropriate (clinical reasoning)
• The role of distress tolerance
• Steps to take to scaffold your child in developing self-reflection and mindsight, as well as decrease shame around their behavior

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {Ep 114}
• Healing Blocked Care With Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls {Ep 123}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwatchdog

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This episode originally aired February 17th, 2023

I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses.

I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start saying things like “My watchdog brain made me hit my sister!”

In this episode, I:

• Outline the benefits of teaching our kids about their brain (there are lots)
• Teach you what to do if your child uses it as an excuse
• Recommend resources for how to teach your child about their brain

Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.

Additional Resources:

Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior Podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/changebehavior
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior FREE Webinar: https://robyngobbel.com/webinar
The START HERE podcast: https://robyngobbel.com/starthere

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers

You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. 

Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up.  

I think both approaches are fine.  I just happen to like the science.  

And yup, the science backs it up.

Acceptance really is needed if we want behavior to change.

I find this truth to both a bummer and also quite liberating.

How do we accept something without sending the message the it’s ok, no big deal, and there’s no need for it to change?

It’s hard, but possible.  You’ll hear my own journey toward this truth and a couple tips on how to do it yourself in this episode.  

Read a long summary of this episode here: https://robyngobbel.com/howbehaviorchanges

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

A conversation with Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls, authors of Reclaim Compassion: The Adoptive Parent's Guide to Overcoming Blocked Care with Neuroscience and Faith about blocked care- what it is, what causes it, and how families can begin to recover. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What is blocked care
• What are the symptoms
• How can you overcome blocked care

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Blocked Care Assessment: theadoptionconnection.com/parentingaftertrauma
• Website: Reclaimcompassion.com
• Book: Reclaim Compassion

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/blockedcare

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What do I mean by vulnerable nervous system
• How to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous system
• What causes nervous system vulnerability
• How to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous system

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebook
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/vulnerable

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Part 3 of a 3 part series on toxic shame discusses how toxic shame heals and gives parents a map for how to be with kids who experience toxic shame.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• There is no technique or tool to heal shame
• What toxic shame really needs in order to heal
• The role of memory reconsolidation in healing toxic shame
• Why holding the truth for our kids matters

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Previous Podcast Episodes:
Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Part 1
Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Part 2 (includes a F R E E download)
What Our Kids Really Need (and Us, Too): Moments of Healing

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame3

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Understanding how your child's - or your - behaviors protect against re-experiencing toxic shame and what it looks like will help you along the way to healing toxic shame.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What behaviors might you see that are related to toxic shame
• How and why behaviors protect us from re-experiencing toxic shame
• How Internal Family Systems helps us make sense of these behaviors
• How toxic shame can protect us from experiencing the grief of aloneness

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Ilyse Kennedy's book: The Tender Parts: A Guide to Healing Trauma through Internal Family Systems Therapy.

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame2

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Understanding the neurobiology of toxic shame helps us understand how to begin to change this for our kids.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What is the difference between shame and toxic shame
• What is the neurobiology of toxic shame
• How does toxic shame develop?
• Why do good things trigger shame for some people?
• Robyn's book is available for pre-order!!!

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

The Club is currently welcoming new members and I know you have questions- questions that ultimately boil down to:

• Is The Club right for me and my family?
• How can The Club help?

I also answer very practical questions like:

• What’s Included in The Club? (so much!)
• How much direct interaction do I get with Robyn (lots!)
• Is it easy to quit when I’m ready? (YES!)

Welcome to the Friday Q&A series! I’m answering listener questions every Friday on the podcast.

For all the details about The Club and to join us, head to https://RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Robyn shares her personal journey with strengthening her own psychological boundaries.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Robyn’s experience as a client in a therapy setting
• Allowing others to have their own emotional journeys without interfering
• Caring for your watchdog and possum brains with your owl brain
• The title for Robyn’s book coming out September 2023!!! Pre-order HERE

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Being With Directory: RobynGobbel.com/BeingWithDirectory
Parent Course Directory: RobynGobbel.com/ParentCourseDirectory
The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClub
Podcast with Juliane Taylor Shore: https://robyngobbel.com/boundaries3/

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/myboundaries

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)