Oh F*ck Yeah with Ruan Willow – Details, episodes & analysis

**Shame doesn't just make you feel bad, it fundamentally shapes how you experience your own body and desires.**

Returning guest Dr. Alison Ash breaks down exactly why shame is so destructive to sexual wellness. Unlike guilt (which says you did something wrong), shame tells you that *you yourself* are wrong, creating a deep fear of rejection that literally dysregulates your nervous system. This isn't something we're born with. It develops through early experiences where we internalize negative reactions, eventually becoming that harsh inner critic voice.

The contradictory messages are especially confusing: women should look desirable but not actually desire, while men should always be sexually available yet their desire is somehow dangerous. These cultural and religious influences create confusion that conscious rejection alone can't fix.

Here's where it gets interesting: empathy is shame's antidote. When someone truly accepts you without judgment, healing becomes possible. (This is why finding sex-positive communities matters so much.) Dr. Aly explains how even BDSM can be healing for trauma survivors through consensual power exchange—reclaiming control over experiences where they previously had none.

What if the fantasies or interests that make you feel broken are actually completely normal?

Ready to understand the difference between your own feelings and society's expectations? This conversation offers practical strategies for recognizing shame's sources and reclaiming your agency.

Estimated Timeline:

00:00:00 - Moving Through Shame and Sexual Wellness
00:02:09 - Guilt vs Shame: Understanding the Inner Critic
00:04:47 - Inner Shame and Sexuality's Cultural Conditioning
00:08:56 - Shame's Impact on Sexual Pleasure and Embodiment
00:10:48 - Shame, Empathy, and Healing Through Connection
00:14:33 - Power Exchange as Healing and Shame Reframing
00:17:43 - Reading Fiction as Healing and Normalization
00:19:14 - Shame Prevents Us From Enjoying Pleasure
00:21:33 - Building Trust Through Gradual Vulnerability
00:26:02 - Understanding Sexual Non-Concordance and Shame
00:28:45 - Unpacking Body Shame Through Conversation
00:32:56 - Lubrication Myths and Sexual Shame
00:35:17 - Being Selective About Who You Share With
00:37:09 - Sex Toys as Tools, Not Shame
00:41:12 - Internet's Role in Community and Identity
00:44:00 - Building Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills

Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills online course on Tues, Jan 27th-Mar 17th

We all receive messages about who we are supposed to be, how we ought to feel, and how we should express ourselves, often enforced through shame and disconnection. Featuring 8 classes with a woven balance of science-based data, embodied exploration, and skills development designed to support you in creating, deepening, and sustaining sexual and emotional intimacy in your relationship(s). Recordings available for those who can't attend live or want extra review. Super early bird tickets available now for $200-$400 off!

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Age Gap Excerpt from John Gives His Wife Hot Adventures. This is a short excerpt from the book because the podcast host platform is now censoring me, after five years of being fine with my content. I will be looking for a new host platform that doesn't censor love and romance. We should all be fighting for our rights to free speech. Censorship comes in many forms, like this where they are de-platforming me. Never stop fighting for the right to free speech from the First Amendment of the United States. Protect the First Amendment!

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Season 5, Episode 683: Happy Halloween! Witches Love Sex, Dark Erotic Fiction, Dark Fantasy: In Scarlet's House, Chapter 5. Enjoy this dark romance excerpt from Ruan's Audiobook In Scarlet's House. Get the full audiobook: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/inscarletshouseaudiobook

Book Blurb:

Scarlet had become a powerful witch. She also had beauty and brains, but what she was missing was a grand house and some wealth to her name, so she sought George. He blubbered his way through their marriage until he was as annoying as a bug, or an overripe houseguest. That didn't take long. She had plans for him though, big plans.

When Scarlet invited Arianna, her secret love, over to her new husband George's mansion, the girl's night she had promised turned out to be quite decadent indeed. It was complete with a much-needed reconnection for the women, a barely clothed muscle clad chef to ogle, and enough servants, with the promise of extra benefits, to satiate even Cleopatra.

But it turns out having everything doesn't sit well with a dominant witch, until she's truly satisfied with everyone where she wants them.

Tropes: sexuality, dark fantasy fiction excerpt, dark romance fiction, Femdom dark fantasy & sci fi, forced proximity, shrinking and growing woman, magic, HEA, humiliation, degradation, explicit scenes and language, LGTBQ.

Other Halloween Erotica/erotic romance by Ruan Willow: 

The Arousal Package: Get the book for $0.99 cents at https://payhip.com/b/Jybjs

Wicked & Spicy ON SALE THROUGH HALLOWEEN erotic, horror erotica, fantasy spicy romance: Wicked & Spicy on Ruan's site:

https://payhip.com/b/sT8iP

https://payhip.com/b/n8pNH

Halloween erotic fiction, THE FEMDOM COVEN EROTIC ANTHOLOGY: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thefemdomcoven

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Ep 549: Crafting Gothic Romance, Romantasy, and the Art of Erotic Storytelling with Author Nikki Flynn.

Exploring the Depths of Romantasy with Author Nikki Flynn. Join Ruan Willow as she delves into the imaginative world of author Nikki Flynn, a versatile writer whose works span the genres of fantasy, horror, and romantasy. In this episode, Ruan and Nikki discuss the intricacies of writing across genres, the importance of subverting tropes, and the creative process behind Nikki's latest projects, including her modern gothic romance, "Wanting Fangs: A Modern Gothic Romance" (excerpt at the beginning of the episode). Find it on Amazon and Kindle Unlimited (affiliate link, podcast may receive commissions on sales, thank you for the support!) https://amzn.to/3PdJfQZ

Nikki shares her journey from avid reader to author, highlighting the influence of her academic background in psychology, philosophy, and criminology on her writing. Discover how Nikki weaves complex characters and unexpected plot twists into her stories, crafting narratives that challenge conventional storytelling.
Explore the role of erotic elements in Nikki's work, her approach to character development, and the challenges of balancing fantasy and romance in her novels.

Whether you're a fan of vampires, werewolves, or intricate world-building, this episode offers a captivating look into the mind of a talented author.

00:00:28 - Nikki Flynn writes against expectations with subverted tropes or underutilized situations
00:02:26 - One easy way to promote your work is to make it easy for yourself
00:04:31 - Your book has erotic elements
00:08:21 - Main love interest or like love interests
00:13:27 - Tell us about your favorite character though. Sebastian's teenage son Gideon
00:14:27 - What brought you to wanting to add some erotic elements to the story
00:22:02 -teenage son does most of his meddling through texting
00:23:52 - She started writing as a child and then expanded into multiple genres
00:29:52 - You'll end up a villain in a book.
00:30:31 - I got the idea for modern Gothic romance from a dream
00:36:40 - You would really have to work to make it stay serious at that point
00:38:42 - Do you tend to start with your characters or your plot idea first when writing
00:45:01 - Do you find that your writing and reading tastes align
00:49:40 - Do you experience writer's block
00:55:27 - There are so many different ways people write when they're writing
00:58:37 - Sometimes there's a typo in a story or a book
01:00:12 - So what are you working on now that you can share with people
01:11:29 - Do you think jargon dictates the genre of the book when writing intimate scenes
headliner app

Connect with Nikki: https://nsflynnwriter.wixsite.com/nikkiflynn https://bsky.app/profile/flynnbulwinter.bsky.social

Ruan's ARC Romantasy The Siren Who Couldn't Sing https://booksirens.com/book/S9V46LO/QZKZJU1

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Episode 548: Husband's Friend MFM Threesome Freeuse Hotwife Erotica Fiction Excerpt from What's in the Box? by Dilana Rose from the 45+ Filthy Stories for a Cause Anthology, a spicy romance book of erotic fiction stories from indie authors. Enjoy this hotwife enm snippet!

About the author Dilana Rose:  
Dilana Rose is an Australian author of erotica. She intended to write about her life babysitting for single fathers, but ended up writing hotwife and freeuse erotica. What's in the Box is the latest installment of Eva's Hotwife Adventures - her husband changed the rules, now his friends can come and introduce her to all their toys.

About the Anthology:
Get the spicy book! Erotica excerpt from: the charity anthology fiction book Not So Guilty Pleasures: 45+ Filthy Stories for a Cause, ALL PROCEEDS GO TO WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN FOR HELP WITH HURRICANE RELIEF https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/charityanthology
 (any money made from my affiliate link usage to buy the anthology will also be donated to the same charity). It is also in Kindle Unlimited (for a limited time).

Anthology Blurb: We've got a smorgasbord of steamy delights that'll make your toes curl and your cheeks flush. From forbidden fruit to second helpings of love, we've got more flavors than your local ice cream shop - and trust us, you'll want to sample them all. Whether you like your romance sweet and subtle or hot enough to set off smoke alarms, we've got a story to tickle your fancy (and maybe a few other places).

So go ahead, indulge in these not-so-guilty pleasures. After all, it's for charity - you're practically a saint!

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures is a charity anthology benefiting World Central Kitchen (for help with the hurricane relief).

Want to play Holiday Spicy Book Bingo?  You can get free books and win prizes...for a limited time only!
Learn more here: https://geni.us/BingoCard

Exercise your sexuality daily! Sexual health is mental health! Marinate in your sexuality daily and enjoy your relationships, cherish them! Enjoy the spicy entertainment!

Podcast Host Ruan Willow's Books:
http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Holiday erotica! Holiday Beer Wench for the Brothers, A Stranded and Spring Break with her Best Friend's Brothers Short, book 4 Taboo Version, find it here: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/holidaybeerwench

New! The Siren Who Couldn't Sing: Spicy Open door HEA Romantasy, book 2 https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thesirenwhocouldntsing

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Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow
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Episode 547: Cowgirl Sex in the Sauna Excerpt & Writing with Erotic Imagination, Exploration, and Bisexuality with Author Christian Pan.

Join Ruan Willow in a captivating conversation with Christian Pan, a prolific author who has published over 100 erotic short stories in 18 books since 2021. In this episode, they dive into Christian's journey as a writer, his unique approach to storytelling, and the intricate layers of erotic fiction.

Christian shares insights into his creative process, discussing how he finds inspiration from everyday experiences and the world around him. He opens up about the challenges and triumphs of writing erotica, exploring themes of sexuality, identity, and the human experience. Discover how Christian navigates the complexities of writing bisexual characters and the importance of representation in the genre.

As they delve deeper into the world of erotic fiction, Christian and Ruan discuss the evolving landscape of self publishing, the impact of technology on the industry, and the significance of platforms like Theo Reads that champion creative freedom. This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in the art of storytelling and the limitless possibilities of erotic fiction.

00:00:25 Christian Pan has published more than 100 erotic short stories since 2021
00:02:12 You have quite the array of things you've done. And all your publishing is fantastic
00:03:56 So what do you tend to focus on for tropes in your erotica
00:05:17 You sound like you start with an idea and then the characters come after
00:07:04 Do you think of yourself more of a plotter or pantser
00:12:05 Fiction is a useful kind of art form, like other art forms
00:13:33 You like to add sex to your writing in some stories
00:15:29 Some people review erotic writing as sex work, which floors me
00:20:10 5 simple steps to being a successful self published RO author
00:22:43 Why are you writing? What is compelling you to do it?
00:23:27 How would you define success as a writer?
00:28:16 Did you start with writing erotica or have you written other genres
00:49:26 You do include bisexuality in your work
00:52:19 Bisexuality is often presented as multiple partner or a threesome
00:56:43 When I was a college student in New York City, no one was bisexual
01:01:39 I personally cheer every time someone creates a new erotica book
01:03:02 Do you have a favorite book or a favorite character that you created
Show notes headliner app

 For more info or to get in touch www.christianpanerotica.com.
The Best Bi Erotica of the Year, Volume One (I edited & created this anthology, and it features 15 contributing writers.)

Reunion (most recent novella. MM erotic romance)

French Kiss (short story collection with Jenna Citrus & Simone de Boudoir, same-sex, opposite-sex, groupsex stories)

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Ep 545: Sensual Blindfold Erotic MF light Dom/sub Fiction Excerpt from the erotica fiction story "Trust Fall" by author Cornelia Quick focused on female pleasure and heightened sensory experience from sensory deprivation. This man is hot! What an amazing lover!

About the Author Cornelia Quick: I'm just a gal who knows what she likes and that's what I write about; I enjoy exploring new kinks, usually in a lighthearted mode, and helping readers discover new turn-ons.

Find more information about her book: "Dorothy's Stocking Stuffer" https://corneliaquick.blog/buy-my-books/dorothys-stocking-stuffer/ - people who like the story in "Not-So-Guilty Pleasures" will also enjoy Dorothy's Christmas Eve spanking.

Erotica excerpt from: the charity anthology fiction book Not So Guilty Pleasures: 45+ Filthy Stories for a Cause, ALL PROCEEDS GO TO WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN FOR HELP WITH HURRICANE RELIEF https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/charityanthology
 (any money made from my affiliate link usage to buy the anthology will also be donated to the same charity). It is also in Kindle Unlimited (for a limited time).

Anthology Blurb: We've got a smorgasbord of steamy delights that'll make your toes curl and your cheeks flush. From forbidden fruit to second helpings of love, we've got more flavors than your local ice cream shop - and trust us, you'll want to sample them all. Whether you like your romance sweet and subtle or hot enough to set off smoke alarms, we've got a story to tickle your fancy (and maybe a few other places).

So go ahead, indulge in these not-so-guilty pleasures. After all, it's for charity - you're practically a saint!

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures is a charity anthology benefiting World Central Kitchen (for help with the hurricane relief).

Exercise your sexuality daily! Sexual health is mental health! Marinate in your sexuality daily and enjoy your relationships, cherish them! Enjoy the spicy entertainment!

Podcast Host Ruan Willow's Books:
http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Learn more about Ruan's open door Romantasy book "The Siren Who Couldn't Sing" ARC signup here: https://bit.ly/4ganVaO
Reserve your ebook copy here: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thesirenwhocouldntsing

Want to play Holiday Spicy Book Bingo? Learn more here: https://geni.us/BingoCard

Support the show

Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow
https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow

Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

Episode 544: Unveiling the World of Erotica with Oleander Plume!
Join Ruan Willow in an exciting conversation with Oleander Plume, a talented author who specializes in writing erotica. Discover the fascinating journey of Oleander as she navigates through the world of erotic fiction, sharing her insights on writing from the male perspective, the allure of gay erotica, and the tantalizing art of dirty talk.

In this episode, Oleander opens up about her personal challenges, including overcoming a stroke, and how it shaped her writing career. She discusses her love for crafting stories that push boundaries and explore the depths of human desire. From her initial foray into writing erotica in the early 2000s to her successful anthology projects like "Chemical Sex," Oleander's journey is one of resilience and creativity.

Ruan and Oleander also delve into the exciting launch of Theo Reads, a new platform for erotic stories that promises to break free from traditional censorship and offer a wide range of kinks and genres. Get ready for a spicy discussion that celebrates the freedom of expression and the power of storytelling.

00:02:34 " Well, what brought you to wanting to write erotica
00:06:35 " Some things are just more natural to us and others are forced
00:10:22 " entering short stories for submissions helped hone her writing style
00:14:43 " I wrote a story about sex and chocolate. And who doesn't like both those things
00:17:17 " Your first full length novel was published in 2017
00:20:41 " And then we are both on the upcoming Theo reads that is to launch...
00:25:53 " Grandma arrested for writing dirty stories about naked women
00:29:08 " We were created to do this. Our bodies are created with this in mind
00:29:26 " In 2020, you had a stroke and had double vision
00:33:52 " The thing that was the worst to get over was cognitive dysfunction
00:37:35 " To overcome hardships and still keep going when you have hardships is amazing
00:42:15 " An incognito browser lets you search for keywords without being identified
00:46:42 " Theo Reads is launching soon and it's going to be huge
00:48:38 " So you said you like to write gay erotica
00:52:16 " One of the fun parts of writing is not pigeonhole yourself into one genre
00:56:13 " I think humans like variety. More flavors of ice cream are better

Oleander's Books: affiliate links, podcast may make a commission on sales
Chemical [se]X https://amzn.to/3OUiVex
Chemical [se]X 2 just one more: An Erotic Chocolate Anthology
https://amzn.to/41sb1AC
Redeeming Cupid: A Naughty Baudy Valentine's Tale (gay erotica) https://amzn.to/3ZyC7na
Best Women's Erotica: https://amzn.to/3Bt9qji

Find writing for both Oleander and Ruan (plus a bunch of other amazing authors) at: https://linkin.bio/gettheoreads/
Show notes created by headliner app

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Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow
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Ep 543: MFM Menage a Trois Erotica Fiction Excerpt from the story Good Top, Bad Top by Steli Simeonova...a sexy spicy book erotic excerpt from an anthology book.

Steli Simeonova is a dark romance and horror erotica author that loves experimenting with spice, BDSM, and different pairs in her writing. If you are looking for sexy books with some thrill in them, and a few weird objects used as sex toys, then you found the right person for it! Find out more about her and her writing here, and dive into the world of fantasy: https://linktr.ee/BitchQueenHsgirl 

Get the spicy book! Erotica excerpt from: the charity anthology fiction book Not So Guilty Pleasures: 45+ Filthy Stories for a Cause, ALL PROCEEDS GO TO WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN FOR HELP WITH HURRICANE RELIEF https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/charityanthology
 (any money made from my affiliate link usage to buy the anthology will also be donated to the same charity). It is also in Kindle Unlimited (for a limited time).

Anthology Blurb: We've got a smorgasbord of steamy delights that'll make your toes curl and your cheeks flush. From forbidden fruit to second helpings of love, we've got more flavors than your local ice cream shop - and trust us, you'll want to sample them all. Whether you like your romance sweet and subtle or hot enough to set off smoke alarms, we've got a story to tickle your fancy (and maybe a few other places).

So go ahead, indulge in these not-so-guilty pleasures. After all, it's for charity - you're practically a saint!

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures is a charity anthology benefiting World Central Kitchen (for help with the hurricane relief).

Want to play Holiday Spicy Book Bingo?  You can get free books and win prizes...for a limited time only!
Learn more here: https://geni.us/BingoCard

Exercise your sexuality daily! Sexual health is mental health! Marinate in your sexuality daily and enjoy your relationships, cherish them! Enjoy the spicy entertainment!

Podcast Host Ruan Willow's Books:
http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

New! The Siren Who Couldn't SIng: Spicy Open door HEA Romantasy, book 2 https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thesirenwhocouldntsing

FREE TABOO erotica...for a very limited time! Act now! Taboo Advent Calendar.... OH SO TABOO!!! https://www.roserichards.net/advent-books

Support the show

Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow
https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow

Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow

Episode 543: Bisexual MILF and Model LaLa Tada Mattress Actress, Swinging, and Life, career, her Psychology and Healthcare Degree, Lactation consulting, family, and pets. She has a hairless cat!

Listen to the fun and intriguing conversation with LaLa Tada as she shares her unique journey into the adult film industry and the swinger lifestyle. Discover how LaLa's path, filled with twists and turns, led her to embrace her true self and find empowerment in her career and personal life.

LaLa Tada opens up about her beginnings in the adult industry, her experiences with OnlyFans, and how she balances her professional life with her family. She candidly discusses the acceptance of her work in Las Vegas versus other parts of the country, and how her psychology degree influences her parenting style.

Explore the dynamics of Lala's relationships, her adventures in the swinger lifestyle, and the importance of setting boundaries. Learn about the various fetishes she's explored, including pee and fart fetishes, and how she navigates the challenges and joys of her career in the adult film industry.

Don't miss this enlightening and empowering conversation that celebrates sexuality, personal freedom, and the journey to self-discovery. Video version https://youtu.be/7wzP2ps_ftU

- 02:07 - How did you end up where you are today?
- 07:11 - I am a Board Certified Lactation Consultant
- 09:00 - Do you like what you're doing?
- 09:53 - Do you feel like living in Vegas it's a little bit more acceptable
- 13:44 - Do your kids know what you do or do you hide it
- 17:54 - Your psychology degree colors how you interact
- 18:29 - So does your husband still like to shoot stuff with you
- 22:09 - Do you like the label of milf?
- 26:11 - Where do you see yourself going in the future
- 29:36 - Do you have certain people that you frequently work
- 34:05 - Pee is sterile, right? If it wasn't, you'd have bladder infection
- 35:52 - What other fetishes have you done
- 40:13 - You've done photo shoots with rope
- 40:39 - Would you be willing to talk about your experiences in the lifestyle
- 43:48 - How do you generally find people?
- 46:35 - Do you really have a hairless cat? Yes, I do and other pets
- 52:57 - The rabbits have modified their burrow to stay warm in all weather
LaLa Tada's website at https://www.lalatada.com/

Quotes from Lala Tad Da:
"My journey, like I always say, was not linear by any means. There's all kinds of twists and turns and ups and downs."
"I get to express myself in ways that I feel like I wasn't able to prior to, like, you know, deciding to go all out with this."
"I'm 41. I don't mind sharing my age. I celebrate it."

Quote from Ruan Willow:
"I bet your kids are growing up without shame about sexuality and I think that is just huge."

Podcast Host Ruan Willow's Books:
http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Holiday Smut Audiobook: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thesmuttylittleholidayaudiobook

Support the show

Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow
https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow

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