Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family – Details, episodes & analysis

“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker

 

Summary

After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.  

 

Key Takeaways

• If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.  

• For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them. 

• Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.  

• Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.  

 

Couple Discussion Questions

• Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”?  How can you grow in this? 

• List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together. 

• What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not? 

• In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?

 

Resources

• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

IGen by Jean Twenge

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock

Summary

All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.  

Key Takeaways

• Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.

• Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.

• Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage. 

• No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.  

Couple Discussion Questions

• What were my expectations coming into our marriage?  

• Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment? 

• What am I grateful for?  

Resources

Article on Expectations and Happiness

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.  

 

Summary

One of the greatest blessings of Alicia’s life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters.  Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics  in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of “the perfect Catholic family”.  But that is far from true.  As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God’s grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together.  Listen in as we talk about God’s faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.  

 

Key Takeaways

• Life is not always easy, but God is near

• We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us.  Don’t get frustrated by differences, embrace them!

• When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships

 

Couple Discussion Questions

• What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood? 

• Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings?  Why or why not? What can we change about this? 

• How does sharing values with others change us? 

The vocation of marriage and the vocation of consecrated life beautifully work together and we think this interview demonstrates that fact!  In this podcast we have a conversation with Sr. John Paul, from the order Mary Mother of the Eucharist, a Dominican congregation in Ann Arbor MI.  She is a fellow Franciscan University alum and principal of St. Michael School in Columbus OH. Like parents, she is in charge of the formation of virtue in young children, but she sees this formation from a different perspective.  During our conversation, she explains how to discuss the virtues in daily life and gives us some language to use.  Sister also demonstrates how to spot virtues in children and call them out and shows why this is so important.  Join in this recording of our member date night with a very special sister.  

 

Dominican Virtue Tree: https://openlightmedia.com/online-learning/interactive-virtue-tree/

Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Moms and Dad Webinars & Courses: https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

We love it when our listeners dictate what we talk about!  In this episode we tackle some great email questions and voice memos that parents have sent us.  A mom asks if its ok that her 2 yr old is wearing his sister’s dress up clothes and another mom is overwhelmed at another child on the way. Does this make her not “open to life” or a bad Catholic?  We also had a wife share with us her heartache at her husband’s lack of faith in the home.  How can she honor the Lord and honor her husband at the same time when he is not interested in living the faith?  Listen in as we talk about these questions and the issue of keeping life in balance.  How do we make time for it all?  Our answers are empathetic, but also practical and we believe they can help many parents out there.  Join the conversation!

 

Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton

As we celebrate the founding of our country, we want to take time to salute and honor those families who serve our country. The decision to serve affects not only those serving in our armed forces but also the spouses and children.  In this podcast, we discuss with three military families on the joys and crosses of this vocation they have chosen to live. This conversation is really beautiful because much of what they share is applicable to any and every family. Important principles like trusting the Lord in everything, investing in your community and constantly pursuing your spouse are applicable to every marriage. We also ask about the virtue of patriotism and how to pass this on to our children. We hope this podcast will inspire you, it has inspired us! 

 

Want to hear more on this topic? Check out our latest blog post on raising patriotic kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/raising-patriotic-kids/

 

Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“You know what my bedtime routine was when I was a kid? Darkness!” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

We love our listeners.  And we love answering their questions!  In this episode, we are joined by our Program Coordinator, Katie (Hernon) Gamboa who represents the “every-mom” and gives us some great topics to talk about.  The first issue we tackle is sleep!  Since few young parents ever get enough of it, we help out by giving some tips and tricks as well as perspective.  One of us is good at getting kids to lay down and one is not.  We explain how this happens and how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.  Another great question is in regards to big families.  The more kids you have the more the humanity and brokenness you will experience as a family.  Bringing children into the world isn’t just a matter of another pregnancy, it is another life that you are tied to for the long haul.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint!  How do we soberly decide our family size?  How do you know when and if you should take on a stewardship of another life?  And the last question is in regards to fun.  What does the Hernon family do for fun?  The answer is simpler than you think!  Listen in and join the conversation!

“It's better to be wrong together than right alone” - Michele Doman

Every couple argues.  Or at least they should.  The reason is that arguing can be a path to unity which is what marriage is all about.  Some couples argue in measured tones with carefully reasoned ideas, while others argue with raised voices and emotional exchanges.  Every couple is different, but there are some principles that we all can follow to make our “discussions with emotion” more productive and focused on bringing spouses closer together.  Listen in as we give you Five Ways to Win Every Argument….  Just kidding.  That would not be a very good marriage podcast!  We will actually give you some tips to help you forge that unity in a manner that is healthy, holy, and good for both of you.  This podcast is a re-boot of “Arguing in Marriage” from March 2015.

Anxiety results from assuming responsibility that God never intended. I need to play the part God meant for me.  ~ Michele Doman This is a very special podcast that takes you behind the origins of the Messy Family Project.  Many of the ideas, philosophies, and lessons that we teach come from the wisdom of the Church, and also from wisdom we have gained from others.  This show is an interview that Alicia did with her mom, Michele Doman, who taught her much of what she knows about parenting!  Michele shares some of her story growing up in Manhattan, NYC, living through the tragedies of the Vietnam War, the confusion in Church teaching after Vatican II and the struggles she experienced transitioning from being a successful student and professional to being a stay at home mom.  We believe the lessons she learned will help moms and dads out there see God’s faithfulness and love for them in any situation.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – Augustine of Hippo

We want our community of messy families to be above average.  Intentional. Vibrant. Better than all the rest.  One way to do that is to be very thoughtful about how you spend your leisure time with your family this summer.  Every family and every trip is different, but no matter what the length is or where you go, families should be sure to make the most of their time with their children. Vacations strengthen your family culture, help you and your children grow personally, and are good for mental health! But this will only happen if you are sure to define your “why” and then make a simple, flexible plan. Listen in to this podcast when we share some of our vacation experiences and give some tips and tricks for making the most of this special time with your family.