The Covert Narcissism Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

Can you get PTSD or CPTSD from a relationship with a covert narcissist
100% yes!! Let’s talk about PTSD and CPTSD in relation to narcissist abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma response triggered from a single terrifying event, such as:
•natural disaster
•home intrusion
•car accident
•serious injury
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma responses developed from ongoing or chronic trauma. It is prolonged traumatic events, such as:
•ongoing abuse
•childhood abuse
•domestic violence
•kidnapping, enslavement
•prisoner of war
The majority of people exposed to trauma do not develop long-term post-traumatic stress disorder. It is important to get help and support to prevent our normal stress reactions from developing into PTSD. A vital piece of this is the deep human need to feel safe. You need emotional safety.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
•Are you searching for people who get it?
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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For those of you who have been or currently are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, what are some of the things you thought were totally normal but now realize are not normal?

That relationships are SO incredibly hard, like trying to get water from a rock. Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?

“Feeling ridiculously anxious when you hear their car pull in and the front door open.” Or when the garage door opens!

“Name calling and screaming!” How did we ever get to the point that we thought this was normal and acceptable?

“Not having access to the bank account” It is NOT normal for a spouse to not have access to the family’s finances. Allowances are for children, not spouses. This is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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Everyone dealing with covert narcissism deals with FOG, but Christians have a extra layer of FOG to handle. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These 3 issues keep a victim of covert narcissism trapped for years and decades. If you add Christianity to this, it becomes nearly impossible to see things clearly.
 
You are already dealing with the fear of your partner's reactions, fear of upsetting them, and fear of abandonment. Add to this the fear of disobeying God and being condemned to hell.
 
You live under the obligation to be loyal and supportive spouse. Add to this the obligation to be submissive and dutiful, plus the obligation to be intimate with a partner who constantly pushes you away.
 
You are overwhelmed with guilt when you fail at all the things you now feel responsible for, such as keeping them satisfied and happy. Add to this the enormous guilt because of how you think and feel about your spouse and because you can't make things better.
 
The Christian perspective certainly adds another layer of FOG to an already dense situation.
 

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
• Are you searching for people who get it? 
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

 

#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

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So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?
Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.
Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships. Learning to relax and trust life again are vital steps to break the cycle of abusive partners and to attract healthier people into your life. Here are some specific tools you need for this journey of healing!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever been around someone who believes the rules don’t apply to them?

Of course you have or you wouldn’t be here listening to me.

Do not trespass means they must walk here, even just a step or two.

Do not touch means just a little, only one finger.

Even stop signs mean don't stop all the way.

This lack of honoring boundaries is absolutely a narcissistic trait. And if they won’t follow societal rules of wait in line or speed limits, what makes you think they will observe your boundaries? Why would we think they will listen to and honor our boundaries of "don’t make fun of me, yell at me or call me names?" They won’t. They don’t want to.

They don’t even want to wait their turn in a coffee shop. Do you really think they will hear your boundaries?

 

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
• Are you searching for people who get it? 
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

 

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions?
There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do about it.
Narcissism is a learned set of survival skills that becomes one’s entire personality and their way of interacting with their world. Let me explain what I mean. This covert narcissist in your life has put you into an environment where you, over time, begin living from your own survival skills. The trauma responses we have been talking about in this series. I will say again - these are normal and healthy responses to an abusive environment.
One large problem is that they look an awful lot like the survival skills that narcissists live by. They are just glimpses of it, not your entire being, but these glimpses can leave many victims confused and worried.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I heard the phrase walking on eggshells, and I thought, “I’m sure glad that I’m not living that way.” This applied to other people. People who were not at liberty to say what they wanted to say. They had to guard their words. I’m so glad I don’t live like that. This was clearly people who were in manipulative and controlling relationships.

I felt bad for them. They should probably get out. I wonder if I should help them. I’m glad I don’t deal with that. I mean I can say anything I want. I have that freedom. I just know that I probably shouldn’t. It certainly isn’t worth the price. 

So long as I am just careful about what I say and how, it goes okay. I mean most of the time. Well, at least some of the time. It’s okay though. I know how to handle that. I just make sure that I don’t say anything more about it because the reaction will be strong. But that’s okay. No big deal. At least I’m not walking on eggshells.

I’m not afraid of him. He would never hit me or cause too big of a scene, at least not publicly. Maybe a small scene, or even a medium one. But I’m not afraid of him. Well, my stomach does do flip flops.  I really need to work on my stress management and my anxiety level. I’ve been that way for a long time. This is something I have to work on in me. But at least I’m not afraid of him, well, maybe emotionally I am. I mean, I can’t really let my guard down around him. But at least I’m not walking on eggshells.

What actually is this walking on eggshells? Maybe I need to learn more.

 

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
• Are you searching for people who get it? 
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

 

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong?
When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal!
The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work. It is driven by the intense desire to fix this! You won’t give up on the relationship for whatever reason and are determined to survive this. You might even feel like you are then making it work. I am fixing this! But it isn’t sustainable!!
Defensiveness and trying to be perfect create so many problems in our life and can haunt us as we try to move into future relationships. They work against healthy relationships and can leave you trapped in a cycle of abusive ones. Make a plan for stopping these trauma responses and regaining control of your life again!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever made a bucket list? Things you want to do in this world. You should! Why not? What would be on your bucket list?

Not only are they fun, these adventures, big or small, give us so many opportunities to learn in life.

A year and a half ago, I jumped out of an airplane. I never dreamed I would actually do this. My boys really wanted to, and they wanted me to join them. You want me to do what? Hey, this could be fun, this could be exciting, this could be terrifying. With excitement and fear, I agreed.

Free falling from an airplane for 60 seconds, dropping 8500 feet and reaching 120 miles per hour is the most intense and utterly terrifying thing I have ever done. But it was amazing!! I learned a lot about myself and about life that day. 

 

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
• Are you searching for people who get it? 
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

 

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Two weeks ago, I started another item on my bucket list - backpacking the Appalachian Trail. Even just the first section hike tied so closely to my life with a covert narcissist. The correlations and analogies are quite eye-opening. When I learn life lessons from time spent in nature, these lessons stick with me for years. I am eager to see where this bucket list, hiking the Appalachian Trail, leads me. As I go through this short story, see if you can see the correlations to life with a covert narcissist.

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Has your partner ever accused you of pulling away from the relationship? Of shutting down? Of being emotionally unavailable? Maybe you even feel that you are. Then you wonder if this is all your fault for not being engaged with them anymore. This is another example of reactive abuse or trauma response.
My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not being emotionally available to him anymore. Of course I’m not!
I had peeled open my heart and laid it at his feet repeatedly. And he had stomped all over it again and again. You want me to continue making myself available for that??? You can’t be serious? Do you really not understand this? Can you really not see why I pull away?
After all the attempts I made at explaining this to him, I could not believe that he could stand there and tell me that I should be more emotionally available to him! You have got to be kidding me!
Shutting down is a normal and common trauma response to an abusive environment. Don’t judge your responses. They are completely justified and understandable. Identify where they came from. An abusive environment. They are survival skills. But you don’t need these survival skills in a safe environment. As you learn more about them, you will begin the process of letting them go.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
• Are you searching for people who get it?
• Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
• Are you running in circles in your mind?
• Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
• Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.