The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} – Details, episodes & analysis

If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not.

The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. 

As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The relationship between trauma and grief
• Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
• The role of self-compassion
• How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!

Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY

Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection.

But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control.

Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? 

But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. 

In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t integrating. They aren’t considering other people, or long-term consequences. They’re thinking, but they’re not connected.

In this Episode You’ll Learn

• Why calm doesn’t always mean regulated (and what’s really going on in those moments).
• How “clever” misbehavior can actually be protection mode — even when it looks smart or controlled.
• How a child can plan into the future- and still be in protection mode. 
• What to do after the Owl Brain returns — how to hold accountability, repair, and make success inevitable next time.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Resources included in the blog summary go here

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/calculated

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode. 

In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why neuroception continuously scans for cues of safety and danger, and how that shapes whether we live in connection or protection mode.
• How to use the “inside, outside, between” framework to notice and intentionally increase cues of safety in daily life.
• The hopeful truth that cues of safety from relationships, pets, and nature can eventually be internalized—giving us safety that lives within us, always.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Felt Safety (Inside) {EP 161}
• Felt Safety (Outside) {EP 162}
• Felt Safety (Between) {EP 163}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/chronicprotectionmode

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021***

Connection.  Empathizing.  Offering choices.  These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good.  So…what should you do instead???

This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.
1. Food, water, and movement
2. Structure, routing, and predictability
3. Stick close

These may or may not help your child to decrease their level of arousal and dysregulation but they are always where I recommend parents start first!

Read a full summary or the full transcript at: www.RobynGobbel.com/alwaysdysegulated

For an introduction to tracking arousal instead of behavior, read this blog: www.RobynGobbel.com/watchdogbrain or listen to episode 4

Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online course:  www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourse

You can watch the free masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety right on my website!  www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

It’s very common for all humans- kids and adults- to have more behavior struggles and dysregulation. Kids with vulnerable nervous systems, as well as attachment trauma, are especially likely to demonstrate some confusing patterns with regard to where they are regulated and where they aren’t. 

In this episode, you’ll learn

• The neurobiology behind why it’s normal for kids (and adults) to behave better at school (or work or out shopping or wherever)
• How the connections in a family could be the trigger for dysregulation
• How all families tend to have moments that ebb and flow in dysregulation- this is normal

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• The Tragedy of Disorganized Attachment (Part 5 of 6) {EP 38}
• Stress Response System {EP 94}
• When Connection Isn't Safe {158}

Read the full transcript at:  https://robyngobbel.com/betteratschool/

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021***

You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”

Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.

What if I told you it doesn’t matter?

Hear me out.

Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.

But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.

What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?

And then respond to that!!  

There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well.  So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.

Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.   

I explore this in depth in today’s episode!  If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online  www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass

To view the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/traumabehavior/

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. 

In this episode, you’ll learn

• The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)
• The privilege of safety for folks with histories of trauma
• The privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and oppressed identities
• How this relates to parenting 

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Mr. Chazz 
  • https://www.mrchazz.com/
  • https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/
• Yolanda Williams & Parenting Decolonized
  • https://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized/
• What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/privilege

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.

The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.

The loneliness is traumatic.  It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).

Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.

Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully welcomed, seen, and known.  Friends, partners, therapists, support groups- face to face connections are life-changing of course, but the pandemic has taught us that even virtual connection changes the brain.

Undoing Aloneness is one of the primary reasons I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids impacted by trauma, and the professionals who adore them.  CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Over on my website, you can also read and share a blog about Undoing Aloneness.

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems often say BIG, hurtful, and scary words. They say things like “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” They sometimes threaten to hurt themselves- or you! Verbal aggression almost always pulls us right onto the watchdog pathway ourselves- which is understandable. Let’s talk about how you might respond if you’re able to hang onto your owl brain.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• To stay focused on the level of activation, not the words being said
• What to say (if anything) back to statements like “I hate you,” “I wish you’d never adopted me,” or “I’m going to hurt you.” 
• How to start listening for what’s really being expressed

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {EP 155}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/hate

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!

Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY

Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The relationship between trauma and grief
• Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves
• The role of self-compassion
• How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief

The Club is welcoming new members from now until Tuesday! 

Join us now and you can come live to the Parenting with your OWN History of Trauma or Vulnerable Nervous System Masterclass AND the workshop on Mapping Your Child's Nervous System. 

We can't wait to meet you! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Immersion Program for Professionals!

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list!

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)