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Easter is a hard one. Really, the only reason I enjoy Easter is because I love Cadbury Eggs, Deviled Eggs, and egg-shaped decorations. They might as well just call it "Egg Day" for me. 

However, there is a lot of religion mixed in with those eggs. Some of that religion has to do with a mythical creature that defied logic and physics, and the other half of the holiday has something to do with a rabbit. Easter is really confusing.

In this compilation of sketches, we dig into the more religious aspect of the holiday in an attempt to thinly vail our desire to make fun of religion. And yes, this is very much a Christian/Catholic holiday, so we spend the entire time making fun of them, and a little Scientology for fun.

Enjoy! Or not! If you get angry, please email the show at sketchcomedypodcastshow@gmail.com and let us know!

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Ladies and Gentlemen… Mr. Kenny G.
Welcome to a very special, sexy episode of Sketch Comedy Podcast Show. 
Love. It can be exciting and new. You could hop aboard, we would all be expecting you. Sex… it’s the way, the way, you go. Why am I badly quoting TV themes and poorly written 90’s hip-hop? Because there is likely no subject more covered in the history of song, story and media than these two subjects. In this very special episode, let’s get to the bottom of what is more important: Love or Sex.
We are going to start with one of the oldest and most well-known stories about love. What would happen if it took place in modern times? Pretty sure it would be something like this.“A Modern Take on Romeo & Juliet”
One of the most romantic and, quite frankly, weird movies about love was the movie “Her”. There was a pretty saucy sex scene in it, and we were able to get the outtakes! Here is an example!“Her Outtakes”
Fairy tales have often dictated what our expectations with love and relationships are. I don’t recall Charles Perrault writing it like this, but maybe it was part of his “After Dark” series.“Cockerella”
Dating is one of the hardest and most demanding things we will put ourselves through. Here are a couple of sketches that highlight how difficult it is to connect with someone romantically on a date.“Excuse Me, I’m Just a Little Nervous”“Hand Massage”
Of course, the goal of any good date is one thing, riding the baloney pony to tuna town. Hopefully, it isn’t mundane and more like this.
 “Mind Blowing Sex”
Can’t find the person to commit to going all the way in a relationship? Maybe it’s time for…“Commitoall”
After dating and arguments, and if you still want to even know of each other’s existence, sometimes things progress to an engagement. These are always beautiful experiences. Well, almost always.“A Different Type of Engagement Ring”
I know that a lot of the people I have been with want a Superman. After this sketch, maybe even Superman ain’t all that great.“Superman & Lois Lane at Home”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2022 Stuart Rice
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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Sometimes we just need a little help. For instance, we recently bought some frogs and had to buy all of the things that go along with that: tank, filter, rocks, the actual frogs, etc. We didn’t know how to do it, so we sought the aid of the person at the pet store. That’s a good example. What if your issue was that you couldn’t help yourself from jizzing too quickly. Maybe, in that case, you would seek the assistance from this episode’s guest.
Jeff Abraham was a successful tech exec who decided that, in order to make a dent in the universe and the world a better place, he would need to help men from popping too quickly. So, after retiring from semi-conductors he went to work developing a spray for delay so that gentlemen could last longer and give them and their partners an opportunity to enjoy sex more.
It worked! Now Jeff is busier than when he was slinging silicon. We talk about developing this spray and why Jeff thought that such a necessity in world. We also talk about lifestyles and how he learned about diversity, why he is such an advocate for BLM, feminism, and smoking pot. If you think the CEO of your company is pretty lame, Jeff gives you hope that there are cool CEOs out there. It’s a great story.
This episode’s sketch: “Are They Experienced?!?”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice
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SUBSCRIPTIONS & REVIEWS

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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST

Jeff is the CEO of Promescent, a company who’s motto is “Better in Bed” and has the tools to help us achieve that. Focusing on making sure that their products are pleasurable, stress free, empowering, discreet, and safe, Promescent consults with doctors for advisory and review, and sex experts to make sure that these products work! 
Jeff’s focus is to make sure that sexual pleasure is universal for everyone, and has an extensive line of products has phenomenal selections for both women and men, making sure that everyone has a good time!
You can even get personal recommendations on the website!
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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode, Jeff Abraham Ceo of Promescent, makers of a magic boner potion and I came up with a few sketches, semiconductor sales because that's what you did. But just kind of like a preface to everything that you do later on in your life. Just constantly using sexual innuendo In your sales pitches for semiconductors for getting to heaven and seeing 47 version virgins and just going and then asking if there's something else that you could get like 47 sandwiches or something the opposite. The exact opposite of promising to reveal too much. But I actually have the exact opposite issue. Let

[00:00:47] Jeff Abraham: me tell you something that's really not an issue for your partner. It's more of an issue for you.

[00:00:52] Stuart: That last one wasn't exactly an advertisement or was it? Which one of these did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stuart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet. You know, sometimes we just need a little help. For instance, I recently had to buy some frogs for the family and we had to buy all the things that go along with that, you know, the tank, the filter, the rocks, the actual frogs, etcetera. We didn't know how to do it. So we sought the aid of the person at the pet store. That's a good example. What if your issue was that you couldn't help yourself from Gisin too quickly, Maybe in that case you would seek the assistance of this episode's guest, Jeff Abraham was a successful tech execs who decided that in order to make a dent in the universe and the world a better place, he would need to help men from popping too quickly. So after retiring from semiconductors, he went to work developing a spray for delay so that gentleman could last longer and give them and their partners an opportunity to enjoy sex. More. It worked. Now Jeff is busier than when he was slinging silicon. We talked about developing this spray and why Jeff thought that it was such a necessity for the world. We also talked about lifestyles and how he learned about diversity, which is why he's such an advocate for blm feminism and smoking pot. If you think the ceo of your company is pretty lame, Jeff gives you hope that there are some cool ceo? S out there, it's a pretty great story. And now my conversation with Jeff Abraham Ceo of promicin makers of a magic boner potion. Jeff, thanks so much for joining us. How are you doing

[00:02:51] Jeff Abraham: pleasure? Excellent. I'm doing really well. It's a it's a pleasure to be on.

[00:02:55] Stuart: It's a pleasure to have you on. I've got a quick question for

[00:02:58] Jeff Abraham: you,

[00:02:59] Stuart: what makes you interesting,

[00:03:02] Jeff Abraham: What makes me interesting? I think the fact that I'm a 64 year old white ceo? That is a vicious supporter of Black Lives Matter. That is a vicious supporter of women's equality and rights that still openly freely admit that, you know, I love to get high and alcohol is not my Drug of choice. The fact that I'm the ceo of a sexual wellness company after a 30-year distinguished career as a semiconductor executive and retiring, which is the most circuitous route ever to becoming the ceo of a sexual wellness company that you could possibly ever take. And I decided to retire at 53 because I have lupus and diabetes and I had had good success and here I am working twice as hard as I did in my first career. You know, I'm multilayered, you know, like almost everybody remind you of someone else. People tell me there's no one that reminds me of you, you know what I mean? Like you obviously do not give a ship, you know what I mean? And I go, no, I don't. I really don't because to me life is about experiences and there are no mistakes if you learn from them, except if they're tragic and they kill you. That's obviously a mistake. You know what I mean? I told my son when he was growing up, you know, Really and truly embrace life. Live. It just don't make mistakes that aren't correctable. Like you go to jail for 10 years, you die, you know what I mean? Like those are mistakes that alter your life in a negative way forever. You know, but feel free to march to the beat of your own drummer, feel free to experience life and follow your instincts and you know, I learned that at an early age probably in my late twenties, early thirties. I wish I would have learned it earlier and I tried to tell my son as friends and other young friends that I have the sooner that you self actualize and get to the feeling you stop giving a shit about what other people think the happier you're gonna be.

[00:04:56] Stuart: Yeah. Um, well that's a, you know, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? That you've got to feel that safety first and I think that's, that's the part that a lot of people miss out on is the safety aspect because you can't get to that self actualization until, until you get past the safe.

[00:05:11] Jeff Abraham: I actually love being on edge. Love to me, safety is the most overrated virtue in life. You know what I mean? Like you don't really get to experience a lot if you just cling to the safe. You know, I grew up really poor. We didn't have much And I remember that I had a reasonable job out of college. I was making 24 grand a year and this is 1979 had a company car, an expense account. Like my relatives thought I was warren Buffett, I quit about a one way ticket flew to California like, oh my God, I'm like, trust me, you know, there's more to life and within 10 years I have been extremely successful and I was making 100 and 70 grand a year and this was in 1989 company car expense of the whole thing and oh my God, you've made it. And I walked away and started my own company from scratch, Everyone's freaking out and then I retired and then came back to this. And you know, it's funny every time someone always asked me like, what is your contingency plan? I go, I don't have a fucking contingency plan, what do you mean? I go, if you have a contingency plan, you go, well, if things don't work out well this is my fallback position, this thing is shipped first time, that's just starts going bad. You turn around okay, should I pull the ripcord? No, no, no, no, no. You want to start something, put your heart and soul into it. The question is whether you're going to succeed, it's what it takes to succeed. You turn around instead of having a limb or you know what a contingency plan you saw it off behind you and you go, I'm in, okay, I will do whatever it takes to make this successful, That's always been my approach and fortunately for me it's worked. If it wouldn't have worked, I would have said should I should have had a continued, probably

[00:06:52] Stuart: a little different different worldview.

[00:06:55] Jeff Abraham: It's made it work so, you know, I'm gonna quit after this one just so I don't press my luck, you know what I mean? My whole life, I didn't need a contingency plan and if I fucking blow it then I'll go, you idiot. You got lucky the first three times. You know what I mean? So I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna push it after this. Let's

[00:07:13] Stuart: talk about pushing it because you did talk about being a advocate for female rights, right? And it sounds like you're a big advocate for female rights in the bedroom because you came up with a, a thing that you guys might be very interested in correct?

[00:07:31] Jeff Abraham: Yeah. Our first product was a male delay spray and it allowed men to extend their time, uh, to achieve climax. And so they were able to have a much longer duration of intercourse prior to ejaculating. And here's what I tell people. Like you always hear those jokes and, you know, memes about, you know, finishing before your partner finishing too quickly earlier premature ejaculation. If a man prematurely or early ejaculate, he still ejaculate. He still has a, you know, an orgasm. He gets to the promised land. The females on the other side going, excuse me, sailor. Okay, how about me? I'm over here? Okay, I mean, even though it only lasted 30 seconds or two minutes, you still, you know, got your just reward. What about me? And so women embraced our product as enthusiastically, if not more enthusiastically than men did. And there's another myth that it is very misplaced, that a lot of people think that a man who doesn't last long enough doesn't want to satisfy his partner, doesn't care about his partner, nothing could be further from the truth. Every man wants that feeling like I am taking care of my woman. It's an animalistic instinct. No matter what anyone tells you, they are lying. If they say they don't feel better after having quality orgasms, providing them for their partner as well. Okay, Every man wants to feel like William the conqueror, You know what I mean? Like I came, I saw I conquered, you know, every man, most of them don't do it, but some of them might still, after giving a woman a tremendous orgasm, wants to get out, stand up and beat his chest and go, how's that doing? You know what I mean? Like, it's just part of who we are. That's why there's so many people in the world, okay, It's a great feeling to procreate and, you know, to have sex and have orgasms. And I will tell you this, I think there'd be a lot less violence and road rage in the world and everything else, if more people were having consistent quality orgasms. I think there's a reason why people fly planes into buildings and suicide bombers, and there are always some religious clowns that fucking don't believe in premarital sex, you know what I mean? And think that by doing that they get 47 virgins, you know what I mean? Or whatever the number is, or 17 when they go to heaven. You know, personally, I've never really kind of bought into that. Okay, maybe give me one version after that kind of a little bit of experience. You know what I mean?

[00:09:58] Stuart: Like, Yeah, I don't, I never understood that. I mean, basically you're gonna be in a, whatever, a room or a palace or wherever you end up, but they're gonna be with a bunch of people that are gonna look at it like in a scared manner and they're gonna be very

[00:10:12] Jeff Abraham: sensitive if they have no experience, I'd be like, hey honey, a little less teeth, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? Like, and you know, I don't want to be like having a nickname of buster Hyman, you know what I mean? Like that's all I do. Like every single time, it's like, it's gonna be traumatic. Oh my God, you're gonna think about me forever. Because I remember when I was in college, there were a couple occasions where, you know, we got to the point where about to have sex in my partner at the time was like, oh, I've never been with some before. I'm like, okay, I don't think it's a good idea because you know, your first should be special. You're gonna remember it, you know what I mean? Like and this doesn't mean anything to me kind of thing. You know what I mean? So I'm not sure if someone said to me, you're gonna get a reward of 17 versions. I'd be like, how about 17 victoria's secret supermodels? You know what I mean? Like that would be a lot better because I'm assuming they have some experience and you know, might, you know, be able to teach me a few things. You know what I mean? Rather than me feeling like I'm a teacher, you know that kind of a thing. So

[00:11:06] Stuart: I mean I guess the one aspect of that is sort of like, like you're talking about like I guess you get that uh that feeling of conquering something brand new, right? Like maybe that's the appeal. But I honestly I've I've never been with a virgin and

[00:11:22] Jeff Abraham: I came here twice. I had the situation. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I think you need to find some little more into this. You know what I mean? Like yeah

[00:11:32] Stuart: pump

[00:11:32] Jeff Abraham: it's not my thing. Never have been, You know the idea of 17 in a row. I'd be like whoa okay, can we throw a pro in here? You know what I mean? Like just to break it up.

[00:11:42] Stuart: But I mean maybe those guys are gonna be quick, right? So it's like two minutes

[00:11:46] Jeff Abraham: good point. Yeah, if they've been saving up all these times, they'd be in and out, you know what I mean?

[00:11:51] Stuart: Like eggs and those poor virgins, like that's their first experiences this like really rotten, just he's terrible,

[00:12:00] Jeff Abraham: you know, come to think of it, you're right, you're going to get you know the guy that flew the plane into the World Trade Center, you know what I mean? Who's supposedly never had sex, you know? And he's gonna be your initiation. Oh

[00:12:13] Stuart: that's I mean it's heaven for them to write like that's that's their version of heaven, like Yeah,

[00:12:19] Jeff Abraham: that's my version of Hill, you know what I

[00:12:21] Stuart: mean? Yeah, exactly.

[00:12:22] Jeff Abraham: Seriously, we want someone in that relationship having a proof of purchase, you know what I mean? Somebody somebody in there having a just a little bit of street cred, you know what I mean? Like? Yeah, I've been around at least halfway around the block once before, you know, maybe not all the way around but halfway.

[00:12:36] Stuart: Right. Right, so now you came up with this formula, right? You came up with this stuff that or you know,

[00:12:43] Jeff Abraham: I was in the early formulation of the product. It was actually my good friend, my next door neighbor and my doctor who was the urologist who developed the product. Dr Ronald Gilbert who was a urologist at Hope Hospital in Newport Beach. So he's the one who was the real genius behind the product and I was the business mind that made it successful. But the idea of me actually formulating something Not likely not 25 more the next. Now if I did that, maybe I could ask for 17 Victoria's secret supermodels. It would be such an accomplishment for me to have the scientific mind to do that. You know, it would be a real long shot but I'll give it a go if that was waiting for me at the end, you know?

[00:13:28] Stuart: Yeah,

[00:13:30] Jeff Abraham: yeah. You know one of those charts with the whatever those things are, the formulas on the back of all the elements and everything. As a matter of fact, if truth be told, you, give me one, give me, you know, uh, what's her name? Olivia culpo or you know what I mean? Like just uh, you know, throw in alexandria ambrosia, just one of them will work, you know what I mean? And I'll go right to work.

[00:13:53] Stuart: Right, Right,

[00:13:54] Jeff Abraham: right.

[00:13:56] Stuart: Yeah, I mean money's nice, but let's face it, what are we using the money for? That's what I'm saying.

[00:14:03] Jeff Abraham: A friend of mine had this conversation, this was about a year ago and we started really, really breaking down what in your life isn't really either directly or loosely affiliated with you getting either women or men higher quality partners. Okay, If you really think about it, Obviously the more money you accumulate, the more power you accumulate your dating options become much stronger. That's just a fact and anyone who says that's not true, is full of ship. That's a fact. Okay. People go to the gym and they're like, I just love the fact that it makes me feel better about myself bullshit. Okay, If that's the case, you'd be probably climbing a mountain somewhere, you know what I mean? Instead of going to a gym and prancing around, making sure you had your finest lululemon on both men and women. Okay. Seriously? Okay. You know, getting facials, getting your haircut, getting your beard trimmed. Everything is always about making yourself really as palatable, as attractive as you can to the opposite sex or the same sex depending upon your orientation. And to be honest with you, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Why do we have to deny that and pretend that that's really not the motive behind because the ability to be with someone, not just from a sexual standpoint, everybody wants to have someone special, everybody wants to feel loved, everybody wants to feel connected. Okay. And a lot of what we do is directly attributable to increasing our options to finding that person or if you have that person keeping that person

[00:15:51] Stuart: Oh yeah. So I, lately, my girlfriend's been going to the gym right all of a sudden I was like, wait a second, I'm not going to the gym. So I bought a kettlebell and now like at home while I watch youtube videos in the morning, that's what I'm doing is

[00:16:07] Jeff Abraham: dumping it out. You're going just in case he's in the gym and goes, you know, this guy is almost as funny, you know, a good guy, but he's got a little more toned. You're going wait a second.

[00:16:17] Stuart: Yeah, better,

[00:16:18] Jeff Abraham: better, better

[00:16:19] Stuart: at at least an inch to the, to the arms or something, right?

[00:16:23] Jeff Abraham: Yeah, yeah,

[00:16:25] Stuart: Yeah. No, that's 100% true. I, I actually agree with you and I actually also agree with you on, you know, I think it's, I I wish we sex work and all those types of things like those are important things. I wish we could integrate into our society in a safe manner.

[00:16:41] Jeff Abraham: There were certain things, if there's one thing that prohibition taught us, you can't legislate morality, all you do is drive it underground and that's why this whole bullshit in texas, We're outlawing abortion, fuck you and the horse. You rode in on your in texas. So you're probably on a horse, you know what I mean? Because you're not ending abortion. Okay, what you're doing is forcing people to go to a back alley or some unauthorized clinic and you're making it more dangerous to get abortion. Okay. The idea that weed was outlawed until it's still outlawed in some states, but what is it? 20 states now? Are you fucking kidding me? Okay. The idea of weed being dangerous, but alcohol not being dangerous is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life, I've been high 3000 times in my life, okay, there are three things that I like to do if I'm high, listen to music, have a sandwich or make love to whoever I'm dating or you know whatever, okay, none of those three things are going well, I was gonna say none of those three things are bad, but you better talk to whoever I'm dating, I know two of them aren't bad. Maybe maybe who are my partners? Go, well, the ones marginal I put up with it okay, but those things aren't violent, they're not dangerous, at least to me, you know what I mean? But when you drink you tend to get loud argumentative, you get into arguments, you get into fights, you're dancing around in the club with a lampshade on your head. God forbid you get behind the wheel, you know what I mean? And you're driving swerving at all, I'm fine. It loosens inhibitions. If you ever get behind the wheel and you're high, you're driving four miles an hour. You put on your turn signal 20 minutes before you turn. If you hit something, you won't even dent it, you're only going four miles an hour. The car just stops, you know what I mean? I've never been in a fight when I was high. If someone like started like, you know, squaring up on me and go dude, have a sandwich here, listen to music and make it up to your girlfriend if that doesn't work here, make love to mind. I'm not in the mood to fight, you know what I mean? Like whatever so I can just sit here and enjoy my buzz, you know what I mean? Like let's not, let's not really get physical here, you know what I mean? And so I never understood that and I remember when I lived in California before I moved here, it was like, well they made it for medical reasons. Fuck you okay. Yeah. So right next to every weed shop, there was a doctor's office. You go in there and go tell me you have a migraine, okay, have a migraine. Okay, here's your

[00:19:04] Stuart: prescription. Really?

[00:19:06] Jeff Abraham: Okay. Are we in that stage that we have to have an excuse? I mean it's ridiculous. Okay, weed is less dangerous than alcohol in many respects now. The fact that you can Vape it or have a gummy or whatever, it doesn't even ruin your lungs. Okay, so it's even more, you know like safe. So I never quite understood that that whole circle. Plus

[00:19:30] Stuart: Jeff, have you ever met anybody who was like, you know, I would smoke the reefer, but the law says no one that I've never met that person that was like, oh, you know, I'd be really into it. But you know the law?

[00:19:44] Jeff Abraham: The law. Yeah, I would really like to, you know, hit up the Vape right now, but I'm not sure it's legal in this county.

[00:19:52] Stuart: Yeah,

[00:19:53] Jeff Abraham: I hit the Vape first without any question. And I don't give a ship, okay? Whatever the fine is ill, you know, whatever, you know?

[00:20:00] Stuart: But, but it's interesting you brought up the, with with the abortion because I actually have, um, friends that will travel to states where abortion is less like texas or like anyplace else texas just more recently because it's they just did that crazy thing with six weeks. But they break the law. They will go into the state and their doctors that, but they'll clandestinely set up shop, take care of as many as they can, and then exit stage left.

[00:20:34] Jeff Abraham: Well, they need to because, you know, here's the thing, the same morons that passed that law, the right to lifers that vote against you subsidized childcare, that vote against, you know, aid to families with dependent Children. And they're literally,

[00:20:49] Stuart: and vote for uh, capital promise, man.

[00:20:52] Jeff Abraham: Yeah, It's like, I guess it's all the timing, You know what I mean? It's like, you know, you can't kill them before they're born, but you can certainly kill them after, you know what I mean? It's like, wait, what? But they're also the same Jackasses that don't want fucking, you know, publicly funded contraception, You know what I mean? And they don't want sex tons. Wait a second, Take the same energy you're putting into fighting abortions into educating people. So we don't need as many abortions, okay If we made sure that everyone had Uh contraceptions, that'd be far fewer voice. You know, abortions. If we literally educated people on sex and told women it's not a sin to be enjoy sex. It's not a sin to be promiscuous. Like men are because I've been in situations in my life now. I'm 64 when I was younger that I'm sure they're still exists. And a lot of women feel if I plan for sex and I know I'm gonna have it, then that means I'm totally down with it. According to my religion, it's a sin. But if it happens spontaneously, like it was out of control. I don't feel as guilty. Fuck that. Okay, use proper protection. So you don't get diseases so you don't get unwanted pregnancies. Okay, let's stop pretending that sex is a religious experience. Or it's some, you know, satanic ritual or something? It's a bodily function. Just like eating and urinating and it is a you get an urge if you're a woman, your clitoris, you know, gets aroused and you moisturize if you're a man, you get an erection, okay, they do that for a reason. So the species will continue and we procreate, but it also creates opportunities for orgasm, which makes people feel good, They're going to do it. Remember that you're probably too young. The nancy Reagan thing, just say no to sex.

[00:22:38] Stuart: I

[00:22:39] Jeff Abraham: got news for you. I was 16 once, 48 years ago. Okay. When I got an erection, there was one thing I would say, okay, what, who can I use this on? You know what I mean? It was like the idea of saying no, the little head was speaking the big head, just listen. Okay, let's find a way to make this feel good. Okay. The idea of just say no is the most asinine thing. Then I read something that you know, a lot of these places like Utah where they preach abstinence where anal sex and everything is out of control. Now they're going well technically wait since when is that different? Or I'm like, are you kidding me? Okay. I'm like, so having anal sex is okay. You know, I guess if you want your, your claim to still be a virgin because you know, I'm like, wow, okay, that's unique to me.

[00:23:32] Stuart: Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's again, that's a worldview. I don't, it does not make any sense. And I don't know why we, why we tend to, I mean I get religion but like why is that such a, what what brought that about? What brought about, why was sex? Why were things seen as a bad thing?

[00:23:53] Jeff Abraham: I can't figure it out. I remember in uh, I think it was 2007 or 2008 right? When the AIDS epidemic was still really prevalent? The pope was in Africa telling people that using condoms was against the Catholic religion, they weren't being good Catholics by using condoms, I lost my mind. So I made this post on social media and I said, why the Fucky is the pope over here in a country where 22% of the people at the time had AIDS telling people not to use condoms from, you know, during sex, I said he needs to look at his own flock in his own congregation and understand why they were dresses and pointy hats and they're all fingering altar boys. Okay? Rather than, you know, cast shame on people trying to practice same sex needless to say I lost a few catholic friends over that, but I didn't give a ship. Okay. Because to me it was the truth. Okay. If if something is true and it upsets you, you need to examine why the truth upset you or why the truth makes you unhappy or sad you really do Okay. Now, if someone saying something that is unfounded, it's not true, but it was true. The Pope was in africa telling people not to use condoms when AIDS was rampant in africa, the idea that the catholic church had a insane amount of pedophilia was established fact. Okay, that wasn't, I mean, the archdiocese in southern California, not in the nation in southern California paid $555 million in settlements. Okay, what does that tell you if one small diocese Is on the hook for 500 million. First thing it tells me is that's not a church, that's a business. If one diocese can pay $550 million, how are they tax exempt? Okay.

[00:25:54] Stuart: How

[00:25:55] Jeff Abraham: prevalent is the issue

[00:25:57] Stuart: when

[00:25:58] Jeff Abraham: literally one area goes, yeah, we have liability of half a billion dollars. And then you read about how when they found out that certain priests were pedophiles, they let them continue to be preaching, just transfer them into another district. I'm like, can you imagine if that would have been, you know, the boy scouts or A Y. S. O. U soccer or pop Warner football, they'd all be in jail and they would have stripped and broken up the organization. But you know, because it's religion, people like, oh, I don't want to take that on, you know what I mean? We need to take on injustice wherever it's at and clean it up. I'm not saying the catholic church had to go away, but they had to own it. Okay. And we had to make sure it could never happen again ever because is there any situation that you ever put more faith in when you take your child to a church and go, the priest is your conduit to God. You do whatever he tells you to do, talk about putting kids in a vulnerable position.

[00:26:58] Stuart: Yeah. You know, I, there's a, I have a couple of thoughts, I mean, number one, I totally agree with you is with that and knowing that they could pay $550 million, like, what is, what's going on with the tax exempt status, that's

[00:27:11] Jeff Abraham: the southern California diocese, that's not the United States. Okay,

[00:27:15] Stuart: right. And then the other thing I'm thinking of is, God dammit, why wasn't a catholic kid? Because man, I would have been set

[00:27:23] Jeff Abraham: um

[00:27:24] Stuart: no, I mean, but this is your attitude on all of this stuff really kind of comes out and probably most recently with the BLM movement, right? What, what tell us about your BLM, like what's your experience with it and what's your, what's your stance?

[00:27:41] Jeff Abraham: I grew up in an area that was 80% white and 20% black. I grew up in a little rural coal mining town in southwestern Pennsylvania, south of Pittsburgh, near the Ohio West Virginia Pennsylvania border. And when I was in high school, the 20% of black kids kept themselves, They lived in their own area. The 80% of white kids kept themselves, they lived in their own area and there was absolute mistrust, you know what I mean? And it was like, you keep to your side, well, I never understood that, I'm like, they're human beings, they're just like us, they happen to have, you know, a little darker complexion and I was the person that always made friends with, you know, people and at first a lot of people in the black community where I live, we're like, what's this guy's motive and eventually they were like, he doesn't have a motive. He's he he's not judging anyone, you know, I just felt like why would want to close myself off to 20% of people and we didn't have Asian people, we didn't have Hispanic people, we didn't have anything other than white people and black people. And I thought we're all people, we're all the same. We're all 18, 17, 16, 15 year old kids. Why in the hell are we keeping to ourselves? You know, that kind of a thing? And then after I graduated, I moved to southern California. It was a virtual melting pot. Okay. I mean, there's no majority of anything when you're in southern California. It is, I mean I lived in Huntington Beach and I really enjoyed that. I enjoyed not only interacting with a lot of people, but I also enjoyed different cultures, different foods learning and whenever I meet someone that wasn't born here, I always asked him, would you think of this country before you came here, then what's better, what's worse than you thought of now that you're here? You know, I'm just always curious, but I've always been maintained a lot of black friends, even in my work environment and I'm a father, I have a 32 year old son and he is my world, I adore him. Okay, I'd give my life for him, I don't want to, I hope I never have to, I'm not suggesting it, but if ever came down to it, I would and I have never ever had to worry when he went out at night about him being arrested, beaten or possibly murdered because of the color of his skin. And I can only imagine I know how much I love my son and I know what I feel like if he was unfairly treated so being a human being, I know friends of mine that are black that have Children, I go, I can't fathom what that feeling would be like. And I know that I've been in situations where I've heard the n word used by people that you know, you'd never, in a million years think that they were prejudiced, you'd never think that, but they don't hesitate, you know what I mean? And when I took my son back to pennsylvania a lot of times when he was young would be watching you know sporting events and you know, he'd hear some people there, oh look at that n word, you know, I remember my son was like whoa. And we were flying back to pennsylvania, he was like six, he goes dad because he wasn't raised in that kind of environment, you know what I mean? He's like, what is it? I said nick, they're not bad people, they're just ignorant, okay, they have never taken the time to interact with people of any other race or ethnicity or that kind of a thing. So that leads to preconceived notions that anything different is negative, you know, and the one thing my life has taught me and I tell people this, anyone who knows me well will definitely, you know, assure you this is the case. I consider myself an equal opportunity abuser, I make fun of everybody, you know what I mean, because life is too short to take yourself too seriously. And if there's one thing my life has taught me that there are just as many good percentage wise people that are white, black asian indian, you know, latino and there are just as many assholes. In fact, there's a lot more assholes that are white in my experience because there's a lot more entitlement, like we deserve this and I feel that a lot of times immigrants feel like they have to earn things that white people feel like they are just given because they were born here, you know, that kind of thing. I remember when I first moved to California, they had this real popular license plate frame and said welcome to California now go home, okay. It was everywhere in California and you know, I've never been shy and I told people like, you know why most people out here have that because they can't compete with people like me that moved from pennsylvania and are so appreciative of not having zero degree 20 below weather in the winter and not having 95 degrees with 92% humidity in the summer. So when I went there I worked my ass off and I remember I got three promotions in my first job in two years and I went to my second job then I ended up owning a company in seven or eight years and it was because I was like, are you freaking kidding me to stay here, I'll do whatever in California, that's why they had that well in California now go home because everyone come in there with this work ethic, you know what I mean? And go, this is like a dream. I moved their March 13th in 2000 and excuse me in 1992. I remember that because my dad's birthday was the day before I wanted to spend his birthday. I flew there, I left pennsylvania was three below zero and it was sleeting outside. Okay. I literally went to take a piss on the airplane. I had like four flies. I had my long underwear, sweatpants, jeans, you know what I mean? Snows. I remember as we flew and I was really poor and I bought a one way ticket to fly there. So we flew from Pittsburgh to Cincinnati from Cincinnati to Detroit from Detroit to Chicago. I went wait, we're going the wrong way, you know what I mean? It took like six stops to get there that there and I remember my friend picked me up at the airport and we're driving And this was in 1982. So the old style bank, they had those little things that would turn its at Sumitomo bank on one side. It had the temperature on the other side. It had the time. I'll never forget this. He said 12 03 am. It turned around 73 degrees and I'll never forget. I went, did I just fly into a time warp or another universe? I left. It was you know, below zero, it's funding midnight it's 73 degrees. I woke up the next day it was like 58 or whatever. I remember there were people with down jackets, Ugg boots on. I'm in shorts and a tank top. I'm like oh my God it's summer. You know? And I remember thinking I'm never leaving. Okay. How in the world why why does anyone live back there when this is available?

[00:33:55] Stuart: I know growing up I grew up in California, I had no idea. I would see pictures of buffalo and like if the football game was on and they played in Buffalo, I'd be

[00:34:05] Jeff Abraham: like I don't

[00:34:06] Stuart: why do people live there

[00:34:08] Jeff Abraham: after? Well I

[00:34:09] Stuart: remember one of the reasons

[00:34:11] Jeff Abraham: I moved. I remember watching every year I watched the Rose bowl. Okay january fucking below zero. Okay. And it's sleeting and snowing and everyone's in fucking parker's. All you do is run to the car run. I'm watching Rose bowl. Here's the USC song girls freaking gorgeous and their little skirts and the U. C. L. A cheerleader's it's sunny, it's 70 degrees. I'm like, where is that? Okay? I was like, why am I not there? So the first chance I had the ability to graduate college and move, I was like, get me out of here and I moved to California.

[00:34:45] Stuart: Yeah, my dad did the same thing. He was back in pennsylvania and he got a chance to come out to California and he was like, oh yeah, no this is silly, I'm going to be here. Uh he was he was in your Philly.

[00:34:57] Jeff Abraham: Okay,

[00:34:58] Stuart: so

[00:34:59] Jeff Abraham: opposite side of the state, that's a little bit, it's a little more wealth on the other side, Philly has a little, it's a little more upscale than Pittsburgh, but although Pittsburgh now when I left it was kind of downtrodden but it's not coal and steel anymore, It's you know, buy a farm, you know what I mean? Software Pittsburgh's made a real resurgence.

[00:35:20] Stuart: Alright, well it has been about a half, well it's been a little over a half hour, it's been delightful

[00:35:25] Jeff Abraham: because I'm just sitting here bullshit with a friend of mine, you know what I mean?

[00:35:28] Stuart: I know it's kind of a

[00:35:29] Jeff Abraham: wonderful way to have a podcast.

[00:35:31] Stuart: So um now we've got to come up with a sketch, truth be told I would drop everything and move to Vegas and work for Jeff if he asked because I love what his company is doing. He's a great dude and I think it would be just a blast. Um Maybe you just want to check out the things that promise it has. And I tell you what you should definitely go to the website. It is one of the best sexual health websites I've ever seen. It's welcoming. It is professional and you can tell that there is care and uh knowledge put behind it. So uh Jeff tell us where you can find more stuff out about promising. We

[00:36:17] Jeff Abraham: have a website, the link, it's www dot promising dot com. We talked about the mail delay spray but we have loops, we have condoms, we have vital flux which is nitric oxide supplement. We have pe wipes before and after wipes. We have female arousal gel, we have vibrators, we have toys. And I always tell people because we're in target with our delay spray. We're in walmart without delay spray, full product line and G. N. C. But I always tell people go to the site first. Okay because you're gonna find clinical trials, you're gonna find instructional videos. Number one, you'll find out which products work for you for for the right reasons. Number two, you'll find out the proper way to use them to get the best experience. And then if you decide that you want them from us, there's no free shipping full 60 day money back guarantee. So we shipped seven days a week.

[00:37:09] Stuart: So go to prom essence dot com. The link is in the show notes and check out what they've got. It's pretty amazing. And now our sketch are they experienced in three two? Right? I

[00:37:31] Jeff Abraham: would say I'm glad to see you. But I'm sure that you're not here under optimum circumstances. I witnessed the last you know, three months of your life. The cancer was really bad. I know it was hard. You know what I mean? And you know, you took your pledge to Allah and you flew the plane into the building and here you are. Okay. But you did not come here in vain. I have

[00:37:54] Stuart: Well this is such good news. I'm very excited.

[00:37:58] Jeff Abraham: You deserve

[00:37:59] Stuart: plane. That plane was very hot when we ran

[00:38:02] Jeff Abraham: Our praise be Allah okay. We are here. Okay. I have a room set up for you. Okay? The finest meats and cheeses. I have 47.

[00:38:15] Stuart: I'm allowed to eat meat here.

[00:38:17] Jeff Abraham: Yes. That's one of the advantages of coming to heaven.

[00:38:23] Stuart: The

[00:38:25] Jeff Abraham: Sacrifices that you made. Now you're going to be rewarded. Not only that. I have 47 women for you lined up certified 40

[00:38:36] Stuart: seven

[00:38:37] Jeff Abraham: Women. Never, never, no infidel. No one has ever touched these women. They are in fact everyone.

[00:38:46] Stuart: Wait, did you just say that that what what do you mean by that?

[00:38:51] Jeff Abraham: They are intact. The the sheath. The Hyneman still there. They are certified versions each one. And just because it's you and you are heroic. You don't have to keep the burqa all the way on. You can lift it up and crawl underneath. You know, they still have to remain covered. We still want to adhere to Sharia law. But you will be allowed to crawl inside the burka to perform.

[00:39:17] Stuart: But they, they don't know what they're doing.

[00:39:20] Jeff Abraham: Uh No, but I'm sure that their instincts will take over

[00:39:27] Stuart: is

[00:39:27] Jeff Abraham: just not acceptable to you.

[00:39:29] Stuart: Uh Well, the problem is is I did follow the laws very closely. And so I also have never had relations with they anybody. Oh, including myself. I don't really know what.

[00:39:47] Jeff Abraham: So you've never even pleasured yourself.

[00:39:50] Stuart: No, I figured that's how I got here is I I never did any of the things that some of my friends did then they told me about them and I was always telling them how dangerous that

[00:40:02] Jeff Abraham: Even though we say that and even though you see the surveys that they say that you know, 90% of people maintained their chastity. Especially men. We believe that 89% of them were lying. So you are one of the pure 1% who never,

[00:40:19] Stuart: never

[00:40:20] Jeff Abraham: broke down.

[00:40:22] Stuart: Oh, I wasted my entire life.

[00:40:26] Jeff Abraham: We just assumed that most people thought that that was the rule that we didn't enforce.

[00:40:30] Stuart: Oh,

[00:40:31] Jeff Abraham: now, have you ever

[00:40:33] Stuart: know, have

[00:40:34] Jeff Abraham: you ever watched uh the video movies? The pornography.

[00:40:39] Stuart: No, no, I I've never done any of it. I I basically, I, we wear robes, I hide it. I've got a trapper keeper that I keep all of my Iowa notes in that I put in front of me. If I have an issue. I I've

[00:40:53] Jeff Abraham: never helped. Did you have a cell phone

[00:40:56] Stuart: only to take instructions on how to fly the planes? I

[00:41:00] Jeff Abraham: didn't know. You know, you will be very pleased when you see the women. Maybe instinct will take over when you see these beautiful women that even without prior experience, I think they call it on earth autopilot.

[00:41:15] Stuart: Okay, let's let's go take a look. Maybe. Maybe you're right. I think I just realized something. I think I'm gay. Thank you so much for joining us for sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it, make sure to head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com there. You can subscribe to the show, Head over to Youtube and watch some of the videos and sketches we've done there. Maybe head over to Patreon and become a patron to the show. That would be so much appreciated or you can leave a review someplace or if you're feeling really saucy Apply to be on the show. I appreciate every single one of you that listens to the show and I would love to hear more from you. Now. I've got to get this out of the way, sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons attribution no derivatives, 4.0 international license, which means that if you would like to reproduce anything in the show, please contact the show so that I can get you the right material for it. And also this show is copyright 2022 Stewart Rice. Every day we are given a choice. Can we do the funny thing or the not so funny thing? I'm going to urge you to do the funny thing today and create an improvised comedy adventure of your own. Take care. See you next episode.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Is there anything better than when that song plays at the club and everybody gets on their feet and starts grinding up on each other? Yeah, I didn’t think so. If that is your idea of heaven, then this episode is for you! Not that we make any wonderful beats, mind you, but we do talk about how someone’s experiences get them there.
GK Leonitis is an up-and-coming rapper in Atlanta and currently has a big hit in the south, “Pressure” which is one of those jams that just, you know, get you crunking. You can listen to that here: https://youtu.be/MrHIUyvISaI 
 
We talk about what it was like growing up in Little Rock, AK, which is not what you think it is. We also talk a great deal about the experiences that influenced his music: growing up with a father who was a musician, hanging out on the streets of Little Rock which, and this was a surprise to me, was just like growing up in the inner city of most big cities, and the unfortunate situation that landed him in prison. Usually, landing in the big house would be used to influence music by talking about the experiences in prison, but GK’s experience got him to realize that life was NOT what he wanted and instead he focused his life, and his lyrics, in talking about the good things in life: eating good food, driving nice cars, sex with beautiful women, and living carefree and passionately doing what you want to do. Pretty inspirational stuff! 
This episode’s sketch: “Yo, What’s Your Next Idea?”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2022 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST

Hailing from Little Rock, Arkansas, GK Leonitis comes from a legendary local rap label called “A-State Hustlaz" and was later managed by Yandy Smith. He released several songs and videos over the past years. When he’s not in the studio, making beats, or writing lyrics, he enjoys fine dining, expensive champagne, and spending time with his family. His music is unpredictable, stimulating, and the soundtrack into the depths of his tireless determination. As a highly acclaimed producer and writer, GK Leonitis' music will hypnotize and keep listeners craving more.
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TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode, rapper G. K. Leonidas and I came up with a few sketch ideas. What if there was like a scariest guy in prison pageant, like sort of like the miss America but it's whoever's the scariest dude, a music video shoot that just goes way out of hand, like it's way too many things going on and you can't keep track of it, I'd like to perform but where the sexy ladies and then our job is to go out and try to find sexy ladies and see if we can find sexy ladies so that you can record, which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stuart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on whatever we talked about. Is there anything better than when a song plays at a club and everybody gets on their feet and starts grinding up on each other. Yeah, I didn't think so. If that's your idea of heaven then this episode is for you. Not that we made any wonderful beats, mind you, but we do talk about how someone's experiences get them there. G. K. Leonidas is an up and coming rapper in Atlanta and currently has a big hit in the south pressure which is one of those jams that you know get you cranking you'll hear some of that in just a little bit. We talked about what it was like growing up in little rock, Arkansas, which is not what you think it is? We also talked a great deal about the experiences that influenced his music growing up with a father who was a musician hanging out on the streets of Little Rock, which and this was a surprise to me, was just like growing up in any inner city of most big cities and the unfortunate situation that landed him in prison, usually the landed in the big house would be used to influence music by talking about the experiences in prison. But G K's experience got him to realize that life was not what he wanted and instead he focused his life and his lyrics in talking about the good things in life, eating good food, driving nice cars, sex with beautiful women and living carefree and passionately doing what you want to do. It's pretty inspirational stuff. And now my conversation with G. K. A. Leonidis, present minded hedonists, who is a club rock and rapper. Alright, G. K. Hey, I've got a question for you real quick. What makes you interesting?

[00:02:45] GK Leonitis: I am who I am.

[00:02:49] Stuart: It's a good answer. Yeah. So who are you? Like, tell me, tell us who you are? Like what makes you you

[00:02:57] GK Leonitis: I'm G. K. A. Leonidis, that's who I am. Yeah, what makes me me is my father's firing my mother's egg a collision. And they bonded

[00:03:13] Stuart: thank goodness because uh we we needed that we needed some G K. In the world and and they brought it, they brought it. Yeah. So g kur a musician. Yes. Right. How did you how did you get into music? Like how is that a thing that happened for you?

[00:03:33] GK Leonitis: Uh I really was born into it. You know my father he was doing music like in the sixties seventies and I just always grew up around music. My my great I mean my grandfather he was in a popular gospel group, So I'm just musically in time. My mother was a producer back in the 70s 60s. So just musically inclined. I just grew up and just music second nature to me.

[00:04:00] Stuart: Okay. It was it was a lot of like gospel, well what

[00:04:04] GK Leonitis: my grandfather was Gospel, my pops was like soul funk, you know I mean Yeah I grew up running around the house and you know he had all these sequences and keyboards and drum machines and stuff, all hooked up in the middle of uh two bedroom apartment with seven people in there, you know what I mean?

[00:04:30] Stuart: So you were you were not told like hey get your hands off that you messed things up a little bit of that.

[00:04:40] GK Leonitis: Yeah definitely. It was like

[00:04:45] Stuart: sure, but were you encouraged to like hey this is how this works like.

[00:04:51] GK Leonitis: No no it was like yo don't touch this, but we used to I used to stand around and watch a lot. Okay. Yeah so like I just it just came second. But no, definitely equipment was

[00:05:05] Stuart: Sure. Sure. Um, seven people in the apartment. That was that just family or was that?

[00:05:11] GK Leonitis: That was just family.

[00:05:12] Stuart: Oh, wow. Big family,

[00:05:13] GK Leonitis: my brothers, my sister, my mother, my father, a couple of cousins, you know,

[00:05:20] Stuart: it was good, tighten it.

[00:05:23] GK Leonitis: Yeah, it was tight knit, you know, everybody came together and you know, make the best of, you know, what we had, you know, who was able to do that?

[00:05:34] Stuart: Where, where was that at? Where did, where did you grow up?

[00:05:37] GK Leonitis: Okay. It's southwest little run. Okay.

[00:05:42] Stuart: Yeah. Okay. I, so I don't know a ton of rappers that come from Arkansas,

[00:05:48] GK Leonitis: right? I don't know many either, you know, but it's crazy because we have like an indie scene with a lot of people that's respected in the local community and it's got a lot of talent, you know? But going mainstream is something that only a few have done.

[00:06:05] Stuart: What does it take to go mainstream? Like I'm obviously it's going to take like, I mean it takes like that one breakout single or that one.

[00:06:16] GK Leonitis: Yeah, so it definitely starts with the music, you know? But then it comes with the marketing, you know, a lot of people don't understand marketing branding, you know, and that's just something that I'm, you know, I'm learning and I'm applying and I'm seeing the benefits.

[00:06:36] Stuart: That's good. Um, yeah, you made a real wise decision being on this show. Just just personal opinion I

[00:06:43] GK Leonitis: think.

[00:06:45] Stuart: Um So All right. So you grew up and it is is little rock small. It seems like it's

[00:06:54] GK Leonitis: Well, it's funny because like our metro area, you look it up, it's uh it's a little over a million with the metro area. Little rock. Yeah, it's like maybe like 600,000, you know, something

[00:07:05] Stuart: like that. Alright, that's substantial. Yeah,

[00:07:08] GK Leonitis: it's actually a little rock is actually seeing, you know, a lot of people think of Arkansas and think like horses and cows and cowboys and stuff like that. No concrete jungle. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:24] Stuart: Yeah. Um But when you guys were little kids, did you go play cowboys? And did you go play cowboys in the street because it was still Arkansas and that was the thing, you

[00:07:35] GK Leonitis: know in the streets where I grew up? Yeah. We play the way we played on scooters and bikes and playing basketball. We played a killer man football. You know what that is.

[00:07:47] Stuart: You know what's kill a man football? What's that man football?

[00:07:51] GK Leonitis: It's like every man for themselves. Yeah. You get the ball. Everybody's trying to

[00:08:00] Stuart: I remember that game. We called it something different that wouldn't be allowed to be called that today. Yeah, I'll just go ahead and say it was it was a game at the time. It was smear the queer that's what they used to call that game. Yeah, we can't that's not an okay statement at this

[00:08:23] GK Leonitis: boycott. It

[00:08:26] Stuart: was before cancel culture. You can't go cancel a bunch of seven year olds at that point, but I think that's a much better. Kill the what does it kill? The,

[00:08:34] GK Leonitis: kill a man,

[00:08:35] Stuart: Kill a man. That's way better. You can kill a man, you just can't call them anything else. Alright. Alright. So alright, so you grew up as kind of like a normal childhood, you had a bunch of equipment around, you take us through that, like after after being a kid in Little Rock, like where did you go? What did you what did you end up doing?

[00:08:57] GK Leonitis: Well, you know, I uh um left high school tried college, you know? And I went to a city outside of Little Rock. And one thing about yourself is there's no city like little uh you know, so it's like it's like it's real gangster where I'm from. So it's like I went to these other places with these ways and I got in a lot of trouble and I started a prison stints.

[00:09:29] Stuart: Really? Yeah. Okay, so that happened, you were in college when that happened or you

[00:09:37] GK Leonitis: know like my first semester I went to college, I was I was driving back and forth and I ended up getting pulled over and they found some drugs. Yeah was bagged up, like it was ready to be sold, you know? So I ended up, you know, I was actually driving and I had I was driving my my friend's car. He was in the car, my brother was in the car, Another one of the homies was in the car and we get pulled over. I just said it was my took responsibility and a lot of people don't do that. They like to say get out the car, it's not my car, I don't know whose it is, you know what I mean? Everybody get the charge and I don't believe in that. I just I just took my charge,

[00:10:24] Stuart: wow, that's yeah, that's um I can't say I would necessarily so easily take that. That's pretty, that's pretty noble of you. So it was you were able to get your brother and your other two buddies, you you were able to get them not in trouble. They didn't, they didn't,

[00:10:43] GK Leonitis: they had some interrogation room, they had them in the interrogation room, they had me in a holding cell. So then when I come out the holding cell I joined them in the interrogation room and they were just like laugh at and they were just talking and then I leaned in and said, hey guys remember and everybody was like what what what I say, we got the right to remain silent and then they said to lock them all up and everybody's faces, oh no you should have seen their faces but they let them go immediately because I took full responsibility for it.

[00:11:15] Stuart: What what got you to do that? That was just a it was internal, It was just something you were like

[00:11:20] GK Leonitis: what's the right thing to do in this situation?

[00:11:22] Stuart: It's a good question. Friends

[00:11:25] GK Leonitis: to take a charge. That's yours. Like I don't I don't think that's the right thing to do.

[00:11:32] Stuart: No, I I agree. That's sad. That's an awesome. I mean that's a it's just not a decision like how old were you at that time?

[00:11:41] GK Leonitis: I was 18,

[00:11:43] Stuart: 18. Like what 18 year old thinks that rationally and that selflessly at that moment like I I don't know if I could have, I would have been so freaked out.

[00:11:53] GK Leonitis: But see that's that's the thing, see I was raised by my father by my mother and I had noble guys in the streets that you know that I learned from also. And it was it was just like, you know, it's the right thing to do. You don't, you don't know, put your burdens on other people and then you know, I think that you get any respect from that.

[00:12:15] Stuart: Yeah, no, I I that that's amazing honestly like that just you deciding to do that is it's really cool. Like I think that's really cool. That's a that's a lesson for other people and that's its noble even though yeah, maybe you weren't doing the right thing at the time, but like still taking that and just, hey you guys, you're free go I'll take this. That's pretty great. So at 18 What what happens to you? At 18 when you get pulled over for drugs in Arkansas?

[00:12:46] GK Leonitis: I was, I was in a popular rapper, I ended up going to jail and they gave me some type of outrageous bun. So um I was in jail for like a week and one of the guys in jail told me that I could request the ball reduction, so I requested a ball reduction and they reduced my butt and then, but people was trying to bail me out already. I had no clue. So like the next day I was out, my father, uh you know, for them to bail me out at the time would have been a hit to the pockets, you know, so I wasn't really looking for them to do that for me. So one of the homeless, did you know what I mean? And when they did that, we had a show the next day. Well I believe it was that night we, we had had to go like two hours away and we ended up opening up for uh t I

[00:13:41] Stuart: really? So you were part of a, you were part of a band back then you said it was a popular one, obviously

[00:13:49] GK Leonitis: it was called a State Hustlers and then it was like me and my two Homeys was the Foundation and a State hustlers was a couple other guys and they had a label called black Music and we was part of that. So yeah, everybody where I'm from,

[00:14:09] Stuart: can I ask away, so you end up going to jail, Does that does that kind of help with your credibility? Yeah, I mean I'm just, you know like the the whole like, you know with the persona of like a rap star or rapper or whatever we call rap star, but like it's it's a, what what, what attracts guys like me, like young white kids when I was a kid to rap was like, whoa, that's some completely different, those guys live a life that I have never lived. I've never been to jail at the time. I hadn't, but you know, I've never been to jail, like I don't know what, but to actually go through it like that, does that actually help or what

[00:14:55] GK Leonitis: I mean? I was in jail for like a week or two,

[00:15:01] Stuart: that's still a long time.

[00:15:02] GK Leonitis: I mean I ended up getting out and I ended up going to prison on that charge and I spent two years in prison credibility. I don't, I don't know about that one. I've never thought about having any credibility because I've been to prison, but I'm pretty sure there's somebody who may think that's cool, you know? But it's definitely not,

[00:15:31] Stuart: it's not, it's not cool. No, okay, so you did two years in prison that that was the follow up. So they, did you go to trial and they convicted

[00:15:40] GK Leonitis: you actually actually uh probation And I was just happy that they do like seven years probation or something and I'm just happy I was the one in jail, so I just signed and I just felt like I was invincible and I just was like bucking the system and I ended up heavyweight probation revolts and I ended up getting sentenced to two years in prison and I actually did the entire two years since.

[00:16:10] Stuart: Damn any. What was that? Like, I mean, that's scary for anybody

[00:16:16] GK Leonitis: tell you this. I remember I was getting transported to the unit and I just didn't know what to think because I was like, I was like 180 uh you know, I was pretty cut up, but I was just like, you hear all these stories about prison? And I'm just like, yo somebody tried me, I'm gonna kill him. That's the only thing I can think of in my mind is like so my face was reflecting it. So I remember I was in the holding cell and it was a blessing bus that just got to this unit, and it was like, it was like it's time to eat. So they opened the cell, we walked to the cafeteria. So when I got to the cafeteria, it was crazy because I saw a lot of people that I went to school once upon a time. So it was like, they was like, yo what's up man, we've been hearing about you, what's up? So it was like, it made me kind of relax a little bit but I was in the line and I was about to get to school and I turned And it's this guy he's like 16 and he's like super super cut up, right? And he got a tattoo of the eye on his sport head and his head is and his eyebrows shaved off right? And he literally looks like the hunchback of Notre dame. Like his face is distributed and it literally scared shipped out. I was like oh sh it what is this? I definitely I went back to the holy sale and I was thinking I was going to kill somebody if they play with me like the first time somebody even looking my way I'm stabbing him. So that because I just didn't know what to expect. So you have to just go into this uh I go into the the housing the bags that they assigned me to and when I walk in I'm just looking crazy and I scare everybody in the bigs. I scared him when they're like oh my God we've got this young crazy dude coming here thinking I'm about to terrorize them. So what do

[00:18:19] Stuart: you do, what do you do to make yourself crazy? Like

[00:18:22] GK Leonitis: I'm just like uh okay like uh like uh everybody's like oh my god this guy is looking crazy, he looks like

[00:18:31] Stuart: he's gonna bite us.

[00:18:32] GK Leonitis: I immediately going to sell and break some razors and I'm trying to like make a knife and they like people like what's up? They're coming to myself hey what's up where you from? As I was like from Little Rock but I'm like not being friendly so they started calling people like yo yo you got somebody from Little Rock, they got somebody so all these people that's coming and it just so happened that the barriers that I was in had like some older guys in there that had a lot of um that was like uh they had a lot of clout in the prison so and it was coming I was like what's up man, what's up? It was actually different stuff they do uh like my family, my mother was a school teacher, she taught some of the people in there, talk to some of the kids stuff like that so it was crazy and they were just like man calm down bro, I'm like I need a knife, they're like yo you good like relax and I just couldn't relax but it is done. You know I didn't have to kill

[00:19:32] Stuart: anybody. Well that's good because you might have been in there a little bit longer that happened dude that's a crazy story. Ah But like what you're 18, 19 years old, you're going into prison

[00:19:48] GK Leonitis: Actually at this time. Yeah I turned 21,

[00:19:53] Stuart: Oh you turned 21 on

[00:19:54] GK Leonitis: My 21st birthday, I woke me up,

[00:19:58] Stuart: you didn't even get to go to like a bar of ahead of time. You didn't

[00:20:01] GK Leonitis: get a chance. You know, a lot of these clubs are closed now, but me being a part of the, I was performed at all the clubs in Arkansas uh, in all the videos.

[00:20:15] Stuart: Yeah. Um, okay. So you get out of prison. Um, you get out of prison 23, right?

[00:20:23] GK Leonitis: 22 20

[00:20:24] Stuart: 22 2022. Um, what's, what's next for you man? Like you get out of prison, you're, I'm guessing your band moved on or did they wait for you?

[00:20:34] GK Leonitis: Yeah, I got out of prison. They had an album ready for me. It was like we're gonna just put your braces on these songs and you know, it's time we're gonna put it out. But you know, a lot changed because the unit they sent me to was was a max unit. It was, it was like, it was, it was considered at the time the second worst unit. So I was around a lot of people that have life and long sentences and you know, when I was in there, I just, I grew up and I learned and I just, my self respect and just how so when I came out of prison my mindset and who I was, it was, it was kind of hard for a lot of people to accept the growth and the maturity that came along with me, they still view me as the same person that I was before I went in. So you know it didn't work with that with that whole project, I just preferred to you know do my own thing. Mhm.

[00:21:33] Stuart: Yeah. Um the first of its kind of amazing that they had even thought about you that that's cool for gone for two years but um yeah I could see where all that changed you. What's it like talking to somebody like how close do you get with the other inmates because someone's you know life in prison like their outlook on the world is way different from someone who's gonna be in for two years. What what what were some of the lessons that you did learn? What were some things that you

[00:22:02] GK Leonitis: know well what one of the lessons that are that I really learned a system value of the things that money cannot buy like being able to just you know walk outside whenever you want to being able to do whatever you want to do. Literally a lot of people are in prison naturally, you know, they walk around and they can find their thoughts, their ideas and their actions to our box that they put themselves, they put their own mind into the reality. You can literally do whatever you want to do is just process, you know, you can put the energy into an idea that can manifest. So that's one of these things I learned is you know like not to take anything for granted. And and another thing is respect because in prison, when you, right, when you're around all killers, You know, all these big drug dealers and all these killers and these these people that's extorting people and all these big gang members and you got they got 50 per 70 people under them and they're like really like mob bosses in prison and it's like, it transcends outside. One thing I learned is how to respect another person to, to the t to the utmost with not just with my with my character and my conduct, but with my word choice and you know, so when I get out of prison, you know, I had to learn, my little brother was like, it was a struggle with me to reconnect with society because people tend to be so disrespectful, like unconsciously like somebody can walk by me and bump you without saying, excuse me, somebody can step on your shoes. What I'm saying, part of me, somebody can call you stupid, like that's stupid or you know, it's just disrespect comes to so many different forms every day, you know, and it's just like, yo I'm not accepting that behavior, I'm not accepting that for me, you know what, I had to just like learn how to, you know, separate myself from different types of people, different environments and I actually definitely had to learn how to adjust because it seems like, you know, it seemed like I was more confrontational when I came

[00:24:12] Stuart: Okay. Yeah, I could see that because it's yeah, because um gosh, I'm just, it's making me think about like you're confined to this small space and you have to share everything else. But that one small spaces yours, even people coming into your, to your cell, it was like, it was almost like a violation, like a space area. That's

[00:24:34] GK Leonitis: like that's something that's not really happening. You don't have a cell mate. But yeah, you don't have people just coming into this just

[00:24:40] Stuart: coming in. Okay.

[00:24:42] GK Leonitis: What

[00:24:44] Stuart: was, did you have an experience where maybe you didn't show the right type of respect and something that was your lesson. Like did you get that lesson?

[00:24:53] GK Leonitis: Oh yes and no.

[00:24:58] Stuart: Uh

[00:24:59] GK Leonitis: because when you, when you say, okay, so there was a story, okay, so we're out in the field, it's like a, it's like a chain game type thing. It's like a whole squad. Everybody's lined up chopping their holes at the same time, stepping at the same time. And I remember I didn't want to do that. Only a certain number of people can be out the line, like on the cleanup crew, making sure everybody stay tight, make sure everybody's moving this unit, I just wasn't going to be in line like this. So I got out the line and I was like only like cleaning up like cleaning up, you know, stuff they miss type stuff and like talking with the host wide ride or the guy on the horse, I'm just trying to work my moves because I don't want to do this at all, like I'm trying to work my move and it was somebody that was and that's you know we don't have a lot of time, they call you a shorter, You know, so me being a short hair and there's people in there that got life, these people in there has got 20 years, Gotta do 18 years and they've been in there nine years already. It's like these people are the ones that's not in line. So I remember I just got off the line and I was like I took it, I started doing what they were doing and in that moment I was like yo I don't want to do this, I'm not doing this, you know? But when I did that there was some people that felt like yo you do your short hair, get in the line, you know what I mean? Like this ain't no this you got to get in the line and I just didn't go for that. So I stood up to somebody and we end up so when I stood up to him it was break time whatever, we're going to a different location, I get word hey dude saying when you get to the barracks, you know you're gonna come at you, I'm like alright bet so when I get the word I'm not, it's time to go in you gotta get like shut down, make sure you ain't bringing nothing in and then you know you're going to unit so when I'm not shooting down I'm trying to be the first one so I'm shutting down I go on the unit I'm kind of jogging I get in there I take my clothes like I take my shirt off, I take my shoes off and stuff and I get ready for a fight. I wrote my pants legs up and I'm standing at the door like this right at my cell door and everybody coming in they see me standing there like I'm standing at the door rating so everybody walking past me, everybody walking past everybody walking past so then they see dude dude go he's gonna put some gloves on, he's standing over there and he just looking right so he a part of a big game they called they called the game meeting, they have them in there and then the leader of the gang, he comes in myself and when he comes to myself I got some some oh jesus that there's 20. G. Guys standing to sell with me right alright so what they end up trying to talk about it I explained what was going on you know we talked it out and then um they end up resolving the issue but but later on I found out that there was actually uh they actually was like planning to come stabbing

[00:28:14] Stuart: holy ship that's crazy

[00:28:15] GK Leonitis: based on based on my conversation with them and my understanding in the respect that I was giving them they didn't do that and the dude didn't want to fight.

[00:28:26] Stuart: That's good. Oh man.

[00:28:28] GK Leonitis: And I got like three weeks later because some of the guys that was in the game there was from little rock to and it was just telling me they stood up and they was like nah but they said they literally was ready to do that. Damn.

[00:28:42] Stuart: Yeah that would be uh that would definitely get you to learn respect pretty quick. Um All right so you get out of prison, how is how is all of these experiences, how do they inform like your music like your your music seems more fun than than a lot of other things. Like it's really fun. I really like them all these experiences that you had like all of that. How does it, how did it have an effect on your music? Because obviously like when you came out you you had your group that you're with and it just didn't seem to it wasn't jelling the way it was

[00:29:22] GK Leonitis: a lot of people glorify like the bad side of it, you know what I mean? Like the streets. Yeah. Yeah there's a lot of stuff is glorified or celebrated but me actually experiencing this living this on so many different levels. I literally like I want to have fun, I want to like I want to drive nice cars, I wanna like have sex with beautiful women, I want to travel, I want to eat great food, I want to be flying, I want to be clean and fresh, I want to be with positive people you know I want to make power moves, I don't want to have beef with anybody, I don't want to be shooting and getting shot at, I don't want to do any of that you know I want to have fun, I want to inspire, motivate people and show them that you can really do anything you put your mind to so think about some of this other stuff.

[00:30:13] Stuart: I love it. Yeah. Um so yeah, yeah you have a song, I love the title of it, hold on just a second and I think it was, hold on I am a terrible person for not its the one where you're talking about yourself, do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what your song? What was it? Yeah tell me about that one. Like what was the inspiration in that one

[00:30:40] GK Leonitis: and love myself? Right? So uh it's just you know self love, you know you gotta, you gotta love yourself before you know you try to love other things or expect people to love, You gotta love yourself, you gotta give it to yourself, you got to look at yourself in the mirror and just love who you are. You know, and and that that's what I do. I'm in love with myself, you know what I mean? It's not like an arrogant thing, but you gotta love yourself. Yeah, just like I said, when she told me that she loved me, I believed because I'm in love with myself, you know what I mean? Like I'm a lovable guy, you know, it's not hard for two for me to believe that she loves me. You know what I mean?

[00:31:23] Stuart: Yeah, because you understand you're like, yeah, if I was not in my body, I'd be all over

[00:31:28] GK Leonitis: myself.

[00:31:32] Stuart: That's that's actually a really good message. And I think where people need to need to like process that I actually had. Um I was sitting down with someone yesterday and we were talking about exactly that. It's like you got to take care of yourself because if you don't how are you going to show love to anybody else? How are you going to do any of that stuff? So that's a good message. Um So you really do kind of focus on like, it's sort of like a hedonists like you all the pleasures, that's what you really focus on,

[00:32:02] GK Leonitis: you know? Yeah, like I don't want to hear a lot of stuff about killing and bullshit and I don't want I don't want to hear that. I don't pay my mind that. So like I make music that I like and I want to listen to him. I can listen to the music that I make and I can enjoy listening to it. You know what I mean?

[00:32:20] Stuart: Yeah. Yeah. When you, when you make a video, how much, how involved are you in that video process? Because that's fascinating to me. Like making music videos is hard.

[00:32:30] GK Leonitis: I've tried to not be involved. It's not, it doesn't connect well, you know? Well I'm hands on. I'm overseeing it and I'm directing it. You know what I mean? And I got the, I got the playback monitors and I see the angles that we're actually shooting and filming it. It just changes things. Yeah. So I would say I'm pretty involved from the, from the beginning when we're coming, we're coming up with the treatment, you know, all the way until we get the angles into the editing process. Yeah, I'm right now fully

[00:33:05] Stuart: involved. Yeah. It's, it's not a small process like that. How long does it take for you to put together a music video? Would, would you say

[00:33:13] GK Leonitis: usually, um, I'll shine. So if you go to my Youtube channel, I will video count awkward. Yeah. That video took us about an hour to shoot, you know, so it's like if you know what you're doing, You don't have to get 50 different cuts. You know what I mean? You know, we know what we're doing. We like what we're doing. Get us one or two of this. 11 or two of this one, get us some bureau, get us this get us this and it also depends on your locations like that was that video is in one location video. So we didn't have to change clothes or anything when you're dealing with changes of clothes etcetera anywhere from five hours to eight hours.

[00:33:52] Stuart: And that's just the filming like this editing is the other crazy things. You

[00:33:57] GK Leonitis: gotta know how you're doing. That. That also comes with your director. When the director knows how he's gonna edit the video, how he's going to transition into this scene and that scene beforehand, he already knows exactly what type of angles he's gonna shoot it. What's he going to go into? Then it becomes a breeze with the editor that just line it up. So okay, we're gonna go into this. Okay, we're gonna go to this. Okay, we're gonna he was already mapped out. You know what I mean? But when you're just dealing with an amateur, then what they usually do is film a lot. Then they would line all those all the clips up right? And then they would go in and pick the best clips for each part. And then they would add transitions to each, each time with the camera changes. You know what I mean? Add the effects. And I could take pretty long.

[00:34:40] Stuart: Yeah, I mean I do just audio and it takes a very long time. It's surprising how long the editing takes Uh And yeah I'm just looking at one line. I can imagine if you're dealing. Alright, last thing, so you're putting music together. What instrumentation do you do? You play an instrument?

[00:35:00] GK Leonitis: I actually have a studio. You want to see my studio?

[00:35:04] Stuart: Yeah, I want to see your studio. Yeah. Everybody wants to see your studio.

[00:35:07] GK Leonitis: Here we go. This is a core P A 1000. Nice MPC X. This is a phantom Roland, you know? And then over here this is where I sit down and I actually get to work. I have my my Macbook, I have my microphone and this is where the the sexy ladies cheer me on.

[00:35:30] Stuart: It's a good spot. I'm a little disappointed they're not there for this. Um No. Is that your, is that your place? Is that your house? Nice. How often do you wake up in the middle of the night and go record something?

[00:35:48] GK Leonitis: Yeah. Well wake up bright and early. Yeah. Yeah. I wake up bright and early and go to court.

[00:35:55] Stuart: That's good stuff. Alright cool. Well um good chat now we got to record a sketch so what we failed to mention to G. K. Both myself and his publicist was that we were going to record a sketch at the very end of the show. He had no idea but here's what I will tell you is if this whole rapping thing doesn't work out. He's got a great career in comedy in improv, comedy. G. K. He brought it. Let me tell you he really drove this entire sketch. I'm very excited for you to hear it also. He does make music and he's pretty good at it. G. K. Where can people find out more about

[00:36:39] GK Leonitis: you? Check me out on Youtube, I got my channel, you see, I got my set up. I'm gonna be, you know, in the clouds, talking about various topics, it's gonna start in March, you know, on instagram. G. K. Underscore sl if you go to instagram, you follow me on instagram, you're gonna see everything else. I'm gonna pitch everything. I'm gonna let everybody know what I'm doing on my stories. I'm gonna do realize I'm gonna do post. I'm gonna have my links in my bio just G. K. Underscore sl you got instagram, that's what you do.

[00:37:18] Stuart: Okay, well, if you follow the show on instagram, you know, I don't post very often, but now I have a reason to go on and check out instagram again, because G. K. Is going to be on there. I am very excited about March and seeing where he goes, and now, as I promised, here's a sample of G. K's newest track pressure, which is just banging their

[00:37:42] GK Leonitis: clubs right now. The pressure might drop the top on the Ferrari pressure pressure pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure. Wanna wanna clarify my hoes, gotta sharing. Will cherish spending money on designer, precious, precious, precious, precious, precious, precious spend a whole 24 hours in the trap which started at the bottom at the gap dick dinosaur on my damaged fresh off the showroom floor seats wrapped in plastic killer. Back home in a casket, pull up in a party. That is not a cat.

[00:38:53] Stuart: That's just a sample. If you want to check out more G. K. Stuff, go to youtube, go to Spotify Apple music. All the links are in the show notes. Go check it out. He's got a couple of songs aqua in love with myself. I there is a track for everyone. Let's just put it that way. And now our sketch. Yo, what's your next idea in three

[00:39:19] GK Leonitis: to cut? What the hell are you doing? Stop at the tape and put your hand on your hip. Okay now I don't need to set you up with another model. Okay, let's get another model. Where's my idea guy?

[00:39:36] Stuart: Oh hey. G. K. G. K. Um um All right, so here's what I was thinking. I know you're going to use another model. That's great. That's great. But I was thinking that maybe it would look better if she was wearing like a viking helmet. What do you think about a viking helmet, viking helmet? Yeah, viking helmet. And then she could also be riding a unicycle.

[00:39:56] GK Leonitis: Okay if I can help it. A unicycle now we need is a clown I don't know why don't you go to the circus with that idea and you tell me what they say because I'm gonna sit shooting a video for a rap star. Okay.

[00:40:13] Stuart: Okay. Alright. Alright. I'll

[00:40:14] GK Leonitis: be right back cut. Cut roll playback, roll playback. Let me let's see this. Give me a second guy. Okay, what's your idea now? What you got now?

[00:40:24] Stuart: Okay. So what I was thinking is you know how like rain falls from the sky? What if it was going from the

[00:40:31] GK Leonitis: cut? Cut. Cut. Cut the sun is shining. Okay, so make this fast. Let me hear this. Let me hear this.

[00:40:39] Stuart: Alright. Aren't barks lots and lots of our adverts and they're CG dancing in the background. Have you ever seen an aardvark dance?

[00:40:49] GK Leonitis: I have. I don't even know what the hard part is. Hang on, everybody take their places. 321 action. Ok. Just just like that. What are you saying?

[00:41:01] Stuart: Okay, so um the other thing I was thinking was there's this thing called ultimate frisbee instead of a frisbee. They could be playing ultimate dog toss

[00:41:12] GK Leonitis: cut. Cut cut. What you got the dogs now.

[00:41:15] Stuart: No, I mean we can we can train dogs for that. Or does anybody

[00:41:19] GK Leonitis: Everybody take 10? Take 10. Take 10? Hey listen, if you're gonna come with ideas, let's have some ideas that we can implement to this video shoot. Okay. We already have lives. Can

[00:41:32] Stuart: they wear like a dress?

[00:41:34] GK Leonitis: I don't know it wasn't in their contract. I have to talk to the zoologists and see what they think about that because they're so, we'd have

[00:41:41] Stuart: cross dressing. There's

[00:41:43] GK Leonitis: no need to bring someone else in. Need some ideas.

[00:41:45] Stuart: No, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. I've got, I've got this really great idea. What about if he just stands still and the camera just like zooms in on him and spins around him a little

[00:41:56] GK Leonitis: bit. That's not a bad idea. But when he zooms in, what is she zooming into?

[00:42:04] Stuart: I don't know, like is clothing or is like watch or is

[00:42:09] GK Leonitis: no, uh no, that's too cliche. I think I think he needs to zoom into a pimple on his face and I think the caramel needs to show impacts and I think it needs to show a burst of something coming out of the temple and it needs to be like diamonds and golden jewelry and women.

[00:42:30] Stuart: That's why you are the best video director of all time.

[00:42:35] GK Leonitis: Thank

[00:42:48] Stuart: you so much for joining us for sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it, make sure to head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com there. You can subscribe to the show. Head over to Youtube and watch some of the videos and sketches. We've done there. Maybe head over to patreon and become a patron to the show that would be so much appreciated or you can leave a review someplace Or if you're feeling really saucy apply to be on the show. I appreciate every single one of you that listens to the show and I would love to hear more from you now. I got to get this out of the way sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons attribution, no derivatives 4.0 international license. Which means that if you would like to reproduce anything in the show, please contact the show so that I can get you the right material for it. And also, this show is copyright 2022 Stewart rice. Every day we are given a choice. Can we do the funny thing or the not so funny thing. I'm going to urge you to do the funny thing today and create an improvised comedy adventure of your own. Take care. See you next episode. Mm hmm, mm hmm.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODEI love talking about relationships. I talk about them all the time, and I am always curious about them… which is why this episode’s guest is so intriguing! 
Riana Milne was told at a young age that no one in her family was ever going to go to a therapist, so she did exactly what every strong-willed child will do… she BECAME a therapist. Not just any therapist either, Riana became an expert in relationships and how to fix them or learn how to move on from them. Riana is also an author of 7 books, including “Love Beyond Your Dreams - Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve” which is a best-seller on Amazon (https://amzn.to/2RmqwUd) and helps couples and individuals navigate the world of successful partnering on her website: www.rianamilne.com.
Riana and I talk about relationships, which should be pretty obvious, but we also talk about her dad who was a spy. No, seriously, he was a legit spy, like James Bond, and the stories are INCREDIBLE! We also talk about the 10 types of childhood trauma that you no doubt have experienced and somehow Riana and I find a way to make it lighthearted and fun! Then, we record a sketch because isn’t that the whole point of this show?
This episode’s sketch: “Living With a Monster”
Originally published 1/28/2019.
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2022 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUESTRiana Milne’s mission is to help women, men and couples of all ages overcome and heal from past childhood, dating, and relationship trauma to move on to create a life and relationship they are passionate about.
Over 22 years of research is at the core of the Dating to Mating System for Singles and the Relationship Rescue Coaching program for Couples. Riana’s experience with working with Trauma includes: being a SAC – Student Assistance Counselor for grades K through College); working with kids of Trauma in the Psych Division of a major Southern NJ hospital system, working with Women of the Prison System and adolescents in two different Rehab Facilities. Riana was called by the major news networks during the tragedy of 911 to speak on how to heal this horrendous trauma our children, families, and country has endured. Riana has had numerous radio and TV shows and appearances; all with a Mission of “Helping to Change the Way the World Loves.”
With the “Mindset for Success,” Riana started teaching at age 26 to Models, Actors, Singers and Dancers at the Award-winning Riana Model & Talent School and Agency.
Using a holistic, individualized coaching approach designed to help every woman, man and couple better understand themselves both emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, the Life & Love Coaching Transformation programs were all designed to help every person to create the life they desire and to have the love they deserve.
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TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode. Love guru, Rihanna Milne and I came up with a few sketches. You know we talked to, I mean we talked about the the childhood traumas. Having that person come in and trying to have all 10 of the childhood traumas, but they don't. So they're trying to make it up as they go along dealing with with the worst couple ever. And uh so you're talking to the man and then the woman separately to find out about how completely awful their relationship is. What happens if your parents come and visit you. Your mom and dad, your mom and dad come and visit you for relationship advice. Which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stuart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet, I don't know about you but I love talking about relationships. I talk about them all the time and I'm always curious about them, which is why this episode's guest is so intriguing. Rihanna millen was told at a young age that no one in her family was ever going to go to a therapist. So she did exactly what every strong willed child will do. She became a therapist. Not just any therapist either. Rihanna became an expert in relationships and how to fix them or learn how to move on from them. Rihanna is also the author of seven books including Love Beyond Your Dreams break free of toxic relationships to have the love you deserve, which is a best seller on amazon. And she also helps couples and individuals navigate the world of successful partnering on her website at Rihanna Milne dot com. Rihanna and I talk about relationships which should be pretty obvious, but we also talked about her dad who was a spy. No, seriously, he was a legit spy. Like James Bond and the stories are incredible. We also talked about the 10 types of childhood trauma that you no doubt have experienced. And somehow Rihanna and I find a way to make it light hearted and fun. Then we record a sketch because isn't that the whole point of the show And now my conversation with Rihanna Milne, love guru whose dad was a secret spy.

[00:02:44] Riana: Yeah,

[00:02:45] Stuart: give it to me still what makes you interesting

[00:02:50] Riana: ah Life what occurred to me in life how I've dealt with things in life. And you know, one thing I loved about your show is you've got to have fun. You know, you can't take everything so damn seriously, you gotta have fun ship happens to everybody. So that's what makes it interesting, right? Because life happens to all of us.

[00:03:13] Stuart: It does and it's I think it's what we do with uh with the craft that we get flung, right? That's the that's the big thing and I think that's probably we could probably talk quite a bit about, you know, how you deal with that crap and yeah, well

[00:03:29] Riana: Spiritually we say it's the earth school, right? So in Buddhism, they say, you know, you're supposed to learn lessons in life, it's not supposed to be a joyride 100% of the time. So when you get challenged, the important thing is to have the conscious positive mindset to deal with the stuff that's going to come your way.

[00:03:51] Stuart: And how do you do that? How do you, how does some, how does one go, man, my life is locked or this thing happened or my dog died or whatever other country song thing you can think of. Like how do you come out of that and just kind of go, yeah, I learned a lesson and how am I going to use this going forward? Well, this is

[00:04:10] Riana: What we call mindset work. So most people, eight out of 10 people have eight out of 10 negative thinking All the time. It's called our self talk, what we say inside of our heads. And that all comes from our conditioning as Children. So what I call childhood traumas that many of us experience actually research shows 90% of people experienced childhood trauma. So how we deal with that is how we deal with anything else that's difficult as an adult, but the good thing is we can train our minds to be not only act from the unconscious emotional triggers that most people do instead to be consciously aware and it's also a faith based system that, you know, we understand lessons will happen, we don't always understand why at the time, but even when bad things happen, we have to look at it in a positive way and say, what can I learn from this? What can I do from this? What is this trying to teach me at this time? You know, maybe I'm supposed to let this partner go because a new one is coming into my life that would even be better and more evolved and consciously, emotionally healthy for me, you know? Yeah, I

[00:05:18] Stuart: actually am a big fan of the uh when it's not working like move on with the relationship and now we'll be talking a great deal about relationships. I know that this is going to happen, but I this is this has been my thing is if if you've got a really hard, it's really hard and you really have to work at it within the first year, Maybe not right? Maybe not the thing if you notice within the first couple of dates, like I really don't like this or that it's like, well maybe it's time to cut that.

[00:05:51] Riana: Well, really, when you're falling in love the right relationship does feel easy and it's comfortable and you can be your authentic self and this is what I tell my clients they have to look for. You know, you don't need to manipulate or control or convince somebody to love you when it's right. It just falls into line beautifully. And usually that there is a lot of negotiation in the first year because obviously you're two different people. So you need to understand what this person likes. Part partner A and partner B and negotiate those differences through. So there's nothing wrong with a little bit of drama. But if it's constant cheap drama, you've got the signs and there's a lot of signs that the relationship is toxic. So if it becomes toxic, you don't stay. Obviously if there's emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, you know, cheating, extreme jealousy and control, you

[00:06:47] Stuart: don't want to

[00:06:50] Riana: and then being yelled at right?

[00:06:53] Stuart: Yeah, yeah, I, I agree with you and I, you know, I have older Children, I have, I have a 21 year old and an 18 year old and a 14 year old who's eventually gonna enter into the dating pool, I'm

[00:07:04] Riana: sure.

[00:07:05] Stuart: But my, my statement is always like, hey, have fun, but like don't get too attached to the idea of being in a relationship with someone because relationships don't always last. They often evolve and this is kind of where it's gonna get kind of fun because I'm curious what you think about what I'm saying to my kids and raising them. Okay,

[00:07:31] Riana: well the number one thing is you want to be a good role model, would that be you? You know, so

[00:07:37] Stuart: I role model. I didn't ask to be no role model.

[00:07:42] Riana: Yeah. Well sorry, I kind of came with the birthing instructions. You are the dad, you are the role model. So for the male version of you know if you have the daughters and you do the first man she falls in love with is her dad. So can she believe in you? Does she trust you? Do you follow through on your word? You know how you discipline? Is it with love and and the word discipline actually means to teach. We are to be the teachers of our Children and if you're yelling and screaming and hitting your kids, guess what? They grow up doing the same thing and they grow up to be very defiant teens. So I worked in the school from grades kindergarten all the way through college with kids that came from traumatic homes and then they're saying, well why are they acting out as teenagers? Well, hello. You know, what did you show them when they were kids? You know, is that the domestic violence household situation? Well, that's what they were modeled. So it's really important as parents that what you do is really conscious and aware and you teach them what you want them to know. So how you model the relationship with their mom is going to say a lot about love. So even the divorce people out there, you know, still treat your ex partner with love and respect because your kids want to love both of you. It's not a tug of war. You know, not one parents supposed to be loved and the other or you're going for points. No, you know, you want to support both mom and dad and the kids and their actions and support them together.

[00:09:11] Stuart: I completely agree. I completely agree. And that's that actually speaking about the divorce, I think that that's a very good example of of a relationship that Mhm, I was very attached to being married, that was something I'm very attached to. And then when it stopped being us being married, I was very angry for a little bit and then I realized like that relationship just it my feelings about her. Um my feelings changed her feelings obviously changed towards me. But my my the feeling of like care and love for that person didn't go away. It's just it evolved, it evolved into instead of being a romantic relationship that turned into more of a friendship and I think that people get just totally attached to, I'm the married guy or my life is I'm I'm a good wife or whatever it is, you get attached to that. And then the next thing, you know, when that other person isn't isn't attached to that same situation and then all of a sudden you can't handle the

[00:10:15] Riana: Change in the role. I mean, you you take on that role and you take it on seriously with your vows of commitment of course and you know, the roles of my mom and my dad as well as I'm a wife and a husband are important roles and we buy into it 150%, you know, so when that dissolves or goes away, you know, it's part of losing the dream of what you thought it was going to be and that's the sad part is. So, anger often comes out as a form of depression. So Stuart you actually could have been a little bit depressed about the ending and that's how it came out as anger.

[00:10:52] Stuart: Oh yeah, well, I mean depression, that's a whole nother show. Welcome to your therapy. I

[00:11:01] Riana: could talk all day about this stuff,

[00:11:04] Stuart: I couldn't I couldn't afford to. Now you are a life love and relationship with that now three things. Life love and relationships. So you're a coach for all three things. Yes, Really

[00:11:21] Riana: Life dating and relationships. So I am a life coach and love coach for singles and couples.

[00:11:28] Stuart: Okay, and how does that change? How does that conversation change between a single person and a couple as far as what they should be looking for and

[00:11:36] Riana: Okay, well, every one of my clients has gone through many of the 10 childhood traumas, that's why they're attracted to me as a certified clinical trauma professional and they hear me speak about the 10 traumas and they're like, oh my gosh, she's talking to me, I want to solve this and get beyond this. And they are recognizing that they're sabotaging their relationships. They don't want to, they really want love. Some of these people really crave love to the point of being codependent, love addicted. Um but they truly do want love. So the singles, when it comes to coaching them, they tend to get into repetitive, toxic relationships and they can't figure out why they keep attracting the same kind of toxic partner. When I have couples, they seem to have these cycles of great love and then great fighting and the fighting keeps about the same topics and the past keeps getting drudged up and they each need to feel like they're right and nobody is being heard or respected. So I have to re educate my couples to first understand each other's childhood traumas. Second forgive each other of the past and leave the past where it belongs behind that door. It's locked shut. It doesn't have to come out anymore. And they're living in the now and creating their future and with that is a new form of empathy to understand each childhood, their childhood pain and now they don't take it so personally while he's doing this to me and he's attacking me. No, he's having a moment going back to his childhood trauma and I understand this is not about me, it's about the way he's handling it. So there's an education around the childhood traumas and then teaching a brand new way of communicating through the issues.

[00:13:21] Stuart: That's uh that's it sounds incredibly utilitarian and effective.

[00:13:28] Riana: It works great. Yeah, I wouldn't

[00:13:31] Stuart: be doing it. Yeah,

[00:13:33] Riana: it's a brand new way of friendship, closeness and the passion comes back and they don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore because it's just like the singles are understanding what they're doing to sabotage their relationships, but this one has a committed relationship, they're married or living together. I have kids together and they're able to negotiate through and talk more reasonably and rationally and negotiate a win win for everybody.

[00:14:02] Stuart: Yeah. That um where were you like six years ago? Yes, I've been like

[00:14:08] Riana: lone soul trying to get the message out to the world. It's kind of a big territory to cover. You know, I

[00:14:13] Stuart: can't help you as much as possible. Um Mine was a little bit different unfortunately, had that might be a fun thing to talk about later. Um speaking of childhood trauma, like people think childhood trauma and they're like, oh obviously you're in a war zone or childhood trauma goes to like you have to have been sexually abused for it to qualify as childhood trauma or physically abused, like beat or like horrifically mentally abused uh what what are what are actual childhood traumas because we forget child Children are small and they don't have very much life experience. And so things can be very traumatic small things can be very traumatic if

[00:14:58] Riana: that's correct. That's because they emotionally don't have, you know, the capacity in their brain to handle it. They don't have the emotional knowledge to handle traumas. And most of us grow up looking back, well, my childhood was pretty normal and a few bumps in the road, but you don't think it was trauma. So the 10 traumas and I always advise your listeners to write them down because later they're like, oh my God, I had like seven of them. What were they again? So if you write them down, you want to meet with me later, which I do offer all your listeners to um, you know, reach out to me if they want to discuss this with me. So I will ask how many of the 10 did you have? So the first one and you want to put down three columns me an ex partner or current partner and then parents, because research shows it goes through the generations. So remember when you're experiencing this, you're a very innocent little child. This is not to put blame or anger on anybody. It's just a fact these things happened. So trauma happens to you. It's not like you caused any of this. So there should be no guilt or shame around it. So the first one is if your parents had any addiction. So the typical ones, we think of our drugs alcohol, but there's also sex if the parent was out there cheating a lot porn, gambling, hoarding, spending, eating, gaming, tv watching workaholism. Now there's 11 right there, I'm sure there's other addictions, but those are the ones I mentioned and people like, oh yeah, that was an addiction. My mom ate all the time, especially when she's just nervous, you know, So there are other addictions other than drugs and alcohol number two if there was verbal abuse, so we're not talking just witnessing mom and dad in a domestic violence situation, although that's one of them, but verbal abuse is also never hearing, I love you or being verbally put down or your opinion doesn't matter or you know, just you'll never amount to anything, you know, some of these horrible things that our coaches, teachers or parents would say to us and not think twice it really does affect a little person and their psyche, so any kind of verbal humiliation put downs are not being told, I love you. Third one is emotional abuse or neglect. We all know the severe forms of that, but the research also shows if you were a working parent, a single parent working 9 to 5 and your child had to come home at three o'clock from school, let themselves into their own work. There's fear and anxiety around that for the child, so that is actually stated as a form of neglect and what are we doing about working to support our family. So we don't see it in that way, but it is one of the, the emotional traumas. Next one is physical abuse, rape or molestation or physical beating that I always thought was level 10 traumas, but they're also saying, you know, the verbal could be as much a level 10 trauma if you got it repetitive lee. Okay, the next one is abandonment and there's two types, there's fault and no fault, abandonment. So in no fault abandonment, three examples would be if your parent went off to war if they worked a lot outside of the home and you're wondering where they are. Now, that was one of my examples. My dad was James bond, he was FBI and CIA and we didn't even know it until he was sick and then we got letters from Ronald Reagan and William Casey. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I was asking her mom, when's daddy coming home? She goes, well, I don't know all piste off and she didn't know and she had five kids to raise. So that whole dynamic was a form of abandonment.

[00:18:28] Stuart: Okay, definitely, I want to put a pin in that one, We're going to revisit that one.

[00:18:32] Riana: Alright, Yes, so then the fault abandonment is if there's a divorce and let's say dad leaves the home and he promises to see the kids on the weekends and then he cancels it last minute or doesn't show up or shows up late or you go to the house and he's more interested in his new girlfriend than in you the kids. So that's a fault, abandonment. The next one is living with relatives or being part of foster care or adoption or like one of my clients said, what if I chose to live at somebody else's house because I didn't want to go home. So after school, she always went to her friend's house, did homework at dinner and then she had to go home in time to go to bed. And I said, yes, that counts too. You just didn't want to be at home where you could not be it with your parents. The next one trauma. Number seven is very common. It's personal trauma and this is if you were bullied, put down, didn't feel good enough, didn't feel like you fit in, You might have been more born with a medical condition or let's say you're a little overweight child or skinny and gawky like I was, you know, so those are some of the personal traumas you could have gone through. Number eight is sibling trauma. Either your sibling was born with a medical condition or they might have bullied you or the most common. They were perceived by you to be the golden child. The most favored of mom and dad and the last one. Um, trauma. Number nine is family trauma that could be a parent incarcerated, um, losing your home by flood fire, the mortgage crisis. There was a lot of homes lost back then and I'm also bringing into that now there's more than 10 traumas, these are the most common, but from the later list on bringing in community trauma, which is our school shootings, mass, mass shootings that are becoming so prevalent. Um the destruction of nature today, we've got volcanoes going, I didn't grow up with any volcanoes going off in our country, We've got massive floods and hurricanes and fires and mudslides and everything else. That's, it's devastating for the adults. Can you imagine that little kids going through this kind of devastation is very traumatic and you mentioned the war zone and I didn't have a client in Lebanon that grew up with bombs actively going off and she's every on, I don't know if I'll be alive every day when I was waking up as a kid, you know, that was like my alive and might still here. So she woke up with that thought first thing every morning and then the last one is if there was a mental health issue and mom and dad, my generation, nobody was diagnosed, they used to say, um you know, nobody would go to counseling back then and I remember I was sad around a boy who kind of like jilted me and didn't show up for a date, I was very sad. I said, I think I need to go to a counselor and she goes, no one in this family will grow up to go to a counselor, so I said, well I will grow up to be one and I did because there's so much shame around counseling back then, but the common ones that are difficult to have and your parents is borderline personality which is fast trigger anger. Um you love them or hate them, you never know what you're going to get that day, they get excessively angry over something that is stupid or mundane and it's like Jekyll and Hyde, you just don't know what you're gonna get and the other one is bipolar which is manic and depressive, real happy happy ups and angry or depressive lows. So those are the 10 traumas.

[00:21:56] Stuart: Yeah, that last one can be very traumatic when you don't know exactly who that person is very scary. Yeah, I just feel like if I stay down and depressed all the time that way, it's nice and even keel for the kids, they're not gonna worry about it.

[00:22:11] Riana: That's not a good one

[00:22:13] Stuart: crying in his room again, it's fine,

[00:22:16] Riana: You're emotionally checking out a kind of depression.

[00:22:21] Stuart: So how

[00:22:21] Riana: many did you have Stuart

[00:22:24] Stuart: how many of those that I have? So from my parents? Oh, how many of these have I had? So let's say, I guess a little bit of the addiction um uh Bullied a little bit when I was a kid

[00:22:46] Riana: because I've done a study on comedians, media that comedians have come from very traumatic backgrounds,

[00:22:52] Stuart: Oh we're all yeah, I don't really qualify as a comedian because I'm not that messed up. No, not that

[00:23:01] Riana: it's a qualifying eight and you have to have a, like, like, like

[00:23:05] Stuart: if you get the sense or more than you're okay, you're okay to be in in stand up comedy. Otherwise it's like just stay at home and do a podcast. Um yeah, you know, I later on and like not as a child that I experienced, but the mental instability I experienced later on, but unfortunately kids did. Yeah,

[00:23:28] Riana: yeah, so it's proven that it goes through the generations, mom and dad probably had something that we had something and our kids can have it if we don't get a handle on it. But the good news is those traditions can be stopped which are totally aware of those types of triggers, emotional triggers and you go from unconscious to conscious awareness. This is when they stop. So a lot of my clients may have rough relationships with our kids and that's one of the reasons they sign up to work with me and that's under the life portion, working out things in life or problems in careers or financial troubles just can't seem to have that successful life that they're hoping for procrastination, you know, and then there's the love portion which could be jealousy control. Um, not feeling good enough and always sabotaging your relationship. So it's equally important to address both.

[00:24:24] Stuart: I agree, I agree. Now have, has have you ever run into like someone who is talking a great deal about a traumatic experience as a child and even you were like, you had a little bit of an eye roll moment, like all right, So they didn't take you to toys the rest of that day,

[00:24:48] Riana: a little bit of that, feel sorry for me mentality. I'm always the victim. Yes. And this is part of the response. Some people really buy into the story to get love that way. It's love from pity. So instead I teach empowerment. So I do ask their story and of course as a trauma specialist, I'm very sensitive, but sometimes I have to like kind of give them a little smack in the face and say, come on now, you know, we can't stay stuck in your drama. Do you really want to stay stuck there and then, you know, feel sorry for me story or are you ready to put your big boy panties on and say I'm ready to move forward and get beyond this and stop looking for some people to feel sorry for me and actually

[00:25:34] Stuart: the expression big boy panties because

[00:25:40] Riana: the guy with the pants and kind of blurred them. But anyway, um you know, because the men that are chronic cheaters actually, um they are looking for that, that motherly love, they didn't get or the attention from the female that they didn't get as a kid, You know, they might have been the gawky, you know, shy kid and they're looking for that female love. So they're the chronic cheater and they're living in that story of I deserve this because I didn't get this as a kid. Now, it's unconscious, they're not saying that out loud to everyone, but as soon as the female would feel, giving them some attraction, he goes, oh yeah, I love this, I need this. And that's why they tend to did not get as much of that as a child.

[00:26:29] Stuart: So I I let's talk about me for just a minute because it's interesting that you mentioned that um I don't cheat, but I'm in an ethically non monogamous relationship. Um yeah, I I think it's good, it works out really great. I think um I guess we'd have to ask my girlfriend to see if she really advise it on it. Like keep me out of the room and ask her. But uh does it, do do things change a little bit your perception of, of how that relationship is going, Does that change with something like ethic ethic, non monogamy or even just non monogamy or just

[00:27:07] Riana: Yeah, you have to, I

[00:27:08] Stuart: mean we've got a lot of relationships going on these days, I live in Portland, it's all over the board. So I'm just curious like, how does it change?

[00:27:15] Riana: It's true, I mean you have to both agree with what you want up front, you know, if this is, if you're agreeing to live in the lifestyle, which is an open relationship, there's even rules in the lifestyle community if you're living exclusively together, but not marrying, you both have to be on board with that, it shouldn't be Yes, I agree to this, we're living together in a year later, they're like, well I really want to marry, you know, because that's not what the agreement was up front, or if the agreement was, I'd prefer not to marry until I mean live together until we're engaged, then that may be a more conservative couple, but that's their agreement. So really that has whatever relationship style you choose, it has to be totally discussed up front the rules around that discussed so that you both feel comfortable and you're on board with it.

[00:28:04] Stuart: Any sort of relationship that you one of these like different types of relationships that you're like i that even just does not, I don't even know how to approach that. Of course you're going to say no because you're a professional, but

[00:28:18] Riana: I've studied all of it, you know, I'm not here to judge anybody, you know, people can love in the way that they feel is best for them that the part I'm concerned about is hurting anyone else along the way. You know, I would rather see a couple in a lifestyle relationship where it's open than two people being together and what let's say the female thinks is an exclusive relationship, which is monogamous, and then the guys out there cheating on her now, this is where someone's gonna get hurt. So this is why I said it takes too evolved. People now evolved means being your highest and best self meaning, being true to integrity, doing the right things when nobody's looking the honorable to your word and when two people are doing that, you have the best relationship, if one is being honorable to their word and following what the agreement was and the other one's way off and left field, doing whatever the freaky wants, then we've got a problem, You know, that is a problem. So this is when the relationship becomes toxic, toxic because then it's filled with lies and, you know, hurting others other people.

[00:29:22] Stuart: Yeah, it's funny, this is the most secure relationship I've ever been in because I know that there's not gonna be any lies, there's not gonna be any subterfuge with any of this. Because

[00:29:34] Riana: jealousy,

[00:29:35] Stuart: of course, there's jealousy. I actually, I look at jealousy is a different thing if, and of course, any time my partner says, hey, I went out blah blah blah, and it's like, oh, that's that feeling of jealousy and it's like, oh, but it's kind of refreshing because it's like, oh yeah, I care, like, I know I care, of course I'm gonna feel these feelings and I gotta just figure out, like, why am I feeling these feelings? And it's always like, oh, it's because, you know, internally, I've got this voice in the back of my head telling me I'm not good enough

[00:30:07] Riana: with Trauma seven. But

[00:30:09] Stuart: over, over the years, like it's become much more diminished and so it's like, that voice doesn't speak as loud so where it might be like someone, you know, my partner will say, hey, I did this and it's like, oh man, I'm getting those feelings and but why they're subsiding and it's really that fast and within a conversation, I can be, well, tell me about it. Like how did it go and and those types of things and it's been it's been really refreshing. Um I think for both of us, because I think we both have the same thing and and she'll tell me like, I'm feeling really jealous and it's like I understand.

[00:30:46] Riana: Yeah. So jealousy does mean, yes, that you care about your partner if there was no jealousy, but then we worry about any of this being way off again the grid where you're yelling and screaming and ranting and raving and throwing things because you're jealous that's destructive jealousy or control, you know, so if it's jealousy and you say, oh, I feel these pangs because I love you babe, then that's totally different than this. Anger and control jealousy.

[00:31:16] Stuart: Oh, I agree. Yeah, that's that is disgusting not disgusting. I don't want to use that word, I want to use the word um troubling is when you're feeling like you have to control somebody else's emotions. I um I know when I was younger, you know young and foolish and didn't know anything. Um I used to try to negotiate feelings, which I look back on now and I'm like, what was I trying to do? Like, no, you should stay because

[00:31:46] Riana: right,

[00:31:48] Stuart: and like doing well, you

[00:31:50] Riana: cared and you wanted it to stay together. But a lot of people that I work with are very successful in business but struggle in love and they can't figure out if I'm so successful over here, why can't I get love? Right? Well, the success actually comes from one of the childhood traumas or a couple of them. So it could have been verbal put downs. You'll never amount to anything if you heard that from dad or you know, being teased and bullied, oh you're a nerd, you know, you're never going to do anything. It's like inside we have what's called the watch me attitude, which is the mindset for success. It's like really, it's not an anger defiance, It's a way to talk yourself into the strength that you need to be successful. So this comes from a lot of people of childhood trauma, They can be very successful in life and there's many examples of this in our actors and politicians and business people who have had very sad childhoods, but success was bred from that sad childhood, but the love peace was never handled and that's why they still struggle in love today. That's the reason. So we analyzed both. And then when a lot of the women in their relationships, that same control they needed in business to be successful, they try to control their man, which is really difficult because now we've got the male ego and the caveman brain that we're dealing with, that needs to feel he's the provider and he's, you know, strong to take care of his woman. And as soon as that feeling is diminished, the relationship suffers as well,

[00:33:23] Stuart: yep. Yes, I have seen that. I've seen friends of mine have that issue and I personally just ladies, I don't have that issue. If you want to be the breadwinner, I am down.

[00:33:39] Riana: But here's the problem. Right? Once the woman becomes the breadwinner and she's forced to quote, be the man stereotypically the cave woman's brain, she always wants to feel safe. No matter how successful she is, she wants to feel nurtured, cherished, safe and taken care of no matter what. So now she's become the man and now there's going to be all kinds of weird dynamics because she can't count on her man to be the man. So this is all old brain caveman, reptilian stuff going on.

[00:34:08] Stuart: Yeah, yeah, we're just never gonna be happy. I'm just kidding. Uh so let's go, let's go through some dating tips, Let's say we've got a single a single guy and we'll go, let's do this single male identified, single female identified. What, what's one tip that you could give, The single male identified, single female identified person to just kind of like make their lives a little bit easier

[00:34:36] Riana: to be your authentic self. You know, don't keep bringing your past into your present. You don't need to bring your ex up when you're on a date. You know, if someone asked you first, always say we had a lot of fun together and you did or you wouldn't have been with them, mentioned the good things and then say at the end, you know, but this one thing was just not aligning with my life, like he just wasn't financially responsible and I just couldn't live with that, but I wish him well done 23 sentences. That's it. So don't bring your past up, be your authentic self. Say if you're on dating sites be real, don't put your age down 10 years younger, younger and you show up while I look 10 years younger, don't I? And I'm there. You know, you really don't, you know, I say what it is, I'm authentic, but have to the current picture is the current age be yourself, say what you want. Don't be negative, even in your profile.

[00:35:30] Stuart: So wait, you're saying that the picture I have with my 18" afro is not

[00:35:38] Riana: right now. No, that would be a little bit of stretching the truth.

[00:35:43] Stuart: True.

[00:35:44] Riana: So that's the important thing because you don't want to waste people's time. People are on dating sites really define someone. And if you're lying about who you are, that starts the entire friendship or relationship off with a lie. So therefore it's worth nothing.

[00:35:59] Stuart: That's a great point. That's a good point. And then you've got, let's just say we've got a couple and there may be struggling. What's the one tip that you could give? Like, hey, here's a good starting point mint, besides giving them your phone number in your car

[00:36:11] Riana: for giving me a call? Well the childhood traumas pretty deep work. So I can't say really, you know, understand each other's traumas until they get that chance to do that. But I would say keep in mind that you're a team, what is best for the team? It should be your way. It should only be his way to negotiate what is best for you to both and move forward with those one or two choices. Each of you should come up each of you should come up with two ideas and then negotiate which to our best to go with for the team. And if you two are good, take the time to date because if you have a family and you're not dating, you put the kids constantly first slipping them to their sports and doing this and doing that and you never have personal intimate time or day time together, that relationship is gonna fall apart. You think you're doing the right things by the kids, but you're not, you've got to keep the relationship strong. So once a weekend, whether that's friday or saturday night around the kids sports schedule, you say saturday nights, mom and dad's night or sunday afternoon and sunday evening, we're having our date, you're not doing anything, you know, that's our night and they have to understand that and when they grow up with that rule, it's just worked in as part of the family plan. They understand that.

[00:37:27] Stuart: I completely agree that was one of the, and that was my fault and my marriage was, I did not take that as precious as I should have.

[00:37:36] Riana: Yeah. You always want to keep dating your partner never stop twice a week is ideal.

[00:37:42] Stuart: Oh that is

[00:37:43] Riana: okay. And then it doesn't necessarily

[00:37:45] Stuart: have to be like, yeah, we're going to a play and a dinner like you can mean walking

[00:37:51] Riana: the beat, put your blanket down, share a bottle of wine and talk. That's always take a hike somewhere, you know and sit down and you know, just chat, just be real with each other and try not to be arrested

[00:38:05] Stuart: for public indecency. That's

[00:38:08] Riana: right.

[00:38:10] Stuart: We've had to bail, bombing

[00:38:13] Riana: down out of jail

[00:38:13] Stuart: so many times. Alright, so before we get into doing the sketch. I gotta ask your dad was a spy.

[00:38:23] Riana: Yeah. How much of this

[00:38:25] Stuart: you can talk about before we get to put you in a couple of

[00:38:29] Riana: stories. Yeah. That was kind of weird in my childhood. Okay, so in the milne household there's five kids and we had a whole neighborhood full of kids and everyone came to the door, back door, nobody goes to the front door in our neighborhood, right? It's like formal. So we're in the house and the front doorbell rings and like mom, someone's at the front door and she goes, well what would this be? And we, you know, and I'm sitting on the steps with my brother, we want to see who is. So she opens up the door, it's like are you mrs milne yes, where the police? You must come down to the police station. So my mom, this mother of five kids is being arrested. She goes for what? She goes, ma'am, you can't talk now, you've got to come without you guys just lock the doors. So we didn't know what was going on. And she says, my dad shows up now meanwhile my mom doesn't know he's fBR C. R. A. But how old

[00:39:20] Stuart: were you at this point? I was

[00:39:22] Riana: Like seven or 8. So she had to leave us behind. We locked the door and they come home within the hour and she goes, I said so what happened? She goes, I don't know. They said they said I had counterfeit money. Well she found a briefcase in the garage full of money and she says that Jack's hiding the money on me. You know she was pistol went deposit in the joint bank account and it was all counterfeit. So they arrested her for counterfeit money. He goes in talks to them for like two minutes walks out with my mother and they go home. So

[00:39:58] Stuart: she was, she

[00:40:00] Riana: was arrested. Didn't understand why it was counterfeit. She really thought he had all this money stashed aside from her. You know what was going on. And she just said you know you just don't ask me questions and someone asked me to hold a suitcase for him. I didn't know it was full of money you know that wasn't real and I have to give it back to him or something. She came up with some story but that was one of them. Another one is my family went to Key west florida every year and the family station wagon you know the Buick with the wood on the side five kids and the dog driving down and

[00:40:33] Stuart: because like

[00:40:36] Riana: I was always in the that was the fourth out of five kids and me and my little brother amongst all the suitcases in the cubby hall of the station wagon and we he was a colonel in the Air force. So we stay at Quantico and then we stayed at homestead on the way to Key west and the one time he takes a really weird diversion and goes to Macon Georgia and Macon Georgia was a really rough area of town for this caucasian family in a station wagon to be in at 12 midnight. My mom's there, Jack, I don't want to go there. Why don't we have to go to Macon Georgia? Just keep driving. I'm tired bev no, I'll drive. No, we're going to macon Georgia. Like we had no idea why we're like swerving off and going to this particular town. And the best way I could describe it at that time. And again, I was a little kid was it was the ghetto. Okay. And and uh we had no idea why we're going there and we kind of stayed in this kind of old hotel and we wake up the next day and the family leaves and we leave early. But there was a murder in the hotel and the police were investigating why there was a murder in the hotel. So my mom's there. See Jack's e there's some guy in there, you know, dangerous man in there killed somebody and our family could have been affected. So I mean he would never say if he was the one that did that. But I'm just putting pieces together and when he was sick with cancer I gave him a notebook and like dad, you know write down your stories because he wrote in the first page babe. You know, I can't write these stories down, they have to go with me to protect you when you're in the family. So when I saw that I'm like, oh come on dad, he goes, well you probably know a couple of them. I'm like what the suitcase of money? And he just laughs and shakes his head and like wait Macon Georgia. He was yeah why would we go to make him? You know, there's a couple of other things I could remember as a little kid that just seemed really weird and off. But yeah, so my dad was a spy and the weirdest thing is when I was a kid, when my favorite games to play was being a spy. Yeah, he used to just laugh and me and my younger brother scott, you know we even put the toy closet as our forts, you know the spy club business is what we called, you know, right

[00:42:52] Stuart: because a good spy agency has a spy building that says spy building on the

[00:42:57] Riana: outside. It's just club business, you know, we're just meeting for business. So little did I know my dad was really one

[00:43:05] Stuart: that's um that's amazing. So thank you for that. And that's a alright, well it is about that time, it's been about a half hour so I could keep talking to you all day because I have a relationship theories too. But um let's talk about making a sketch. Oh we did more than just think about recording a sketch we actually did, which you'll hear in just a little bit before I do that though, we had a lot of outtakes and a lot of additional conversation that you don't hear in this episode. However, it is available to our patrons. That's right. Go to Patreon dot com slash sketch com pod. That's S K E T C H C O M P O D and become a patron for a dollar a month. And you can hear the entirety of our conversation, our sketch recording with all the mistakes and even coming up with the sketch, it's actually a lot of fun. Plus you get the visual compendium, which is you actually get to see the video of us talking and Rihanna is a beautiful person. So you want to you want to be able to see that me not so much. Just cover up half your screen. Anyway, Rihanna, you're great. Your stories are amazing. What is a great way for people to get in touch with you

[00:44:30] Riana: Sure I want to help anyone that is relating to the childhood traumas or they know their suffering and sabotaging their love relationships or if they're single, they just keep in that repetitive relationship that keeps breaking their heart. That's what I'm there to help with. So just reach out to me on my website, it's Rihanna Milne dot com and it's a pop up window. Just tell me your story, tell me what's going on. No one else sees that but me and the 1st 10 listeners of steward show, I want to give you a free life and love transformation discovery session, it's a $500 value and for everyone else, there is a free e book that goes deeper into this topic. It's that have the love you deserve dot com. It's like a 12 page e book. It goes deeper and I'll answer a lot of your questions and you can also reach out to me through the book. So that's that have the love you deserve dot com or my website Rihanna milne dot com,

[00:45:28] Stuart: just going to say if you're having a hard time connecting with people were getting close to valentine's day. So you have somebody you're trying to target or you have a relationship now, that's not going so great. What a great valentine's gift to yourself and your partner to get the help that you need to make a healthy relationship for you going forward and now our sketch, living with a monster in three two.

[00:46:00] Riana: Mhm David Natalie, thank you for coming in. I know you were very concerned on the phone that you wanted to come see me. So we're just going to start by talking individually to each one of you. So Dave tell me, what are your concerns, what are you seeing happening in the relationship?

[00:46:16] Stuart: You know, it's just every time I try to talk, it just seems like you never, ever, ever just get out with it. All you do is just stammer on and on

[00:46:26] Riana: Natalie, you know? Let let Dave talk.

[00:46:29] Stuart: He's not gonna talk, He's just gonna sit there

[00:46:32] Riana: Natalie, you've got to give him his time to talk. I'm going to ask you second. Just give me 30 seconds to hear Dave for 11 minute here.

[00:46:39] Stuart: 30 seconds. I'm studying a timer on my Apple watch.

[00:46:43] Riana: Dave. Sorry about that.

[00:46:44] Stuart: It's okay. I just had a nice quiet upbringing. And

[00:46:49] Riana: did you, how did your parents relate to each other?

[00:46:53] Stuart: Well, they, you know, it's typical, they hated each other, but you know, it was really nice because it gave me a lot of time by myself in my

[00:47:01] Riana: room. Did you hear a lot of yelling and fighting between your mom and dad?

[00:47:06] Stuart: Well it was really the only time I ever heard their voices were when they were yelling at each other or then yelling at me to get out of the room so they could yell

[00:47:15] Riana: at each other some more. And what do you think is the problem with you and Natalie is yelling part of the relationship?

[00:47:23] Stuart: Well it's part of it. What are you trying to say? Sometimes I just want to have it be quieter. That's that's all

[00:47:31] Riana: okay, Natalie, let Dave, thank you but let me jump over to Natalie because she really seems anxious to want to share her opinion here.

[00:47:39] Stuart: You have two seconds left.

[00:47:41] Riana: Oh well let me jump ahead then. See I'm giving you an extra two seconds Natalie. So tell me, what do you think is going on between you and Dave? What's, what's the problem in your relationship?

[00:47:52] Stuart: Well, just look at him. He's just sitting there slumped over. He's always schlumpy.

[00:47:57] Riana: Well you kind of jumped on him when he was trying to say his side of the story. Did you see that or you didn't see that? See

[00:48:04] Stuart: what he wasn't talking. I don't have time to just sit here and stare at each other. I I've got, I've got work to do. I've got, I can't projects to work on. I've got other people I need to see.

[00:48:16] Riana: Okay, so then let's jump right to the issue and let's not talk about Dave right now. I want your opinion on what you think is going on in the relationship. Well,

[00:48:24] Stuart: I'll tell you exactly what's going on. He's not much fun. And all he does is he wants to sit there and that's all he wants to do. He never wants to go out or have people over you just, it's almost like he's embarrassed for me to be around people.

[00:48:40] Riana: Okay, so what's your idea of fun? What are you suggesting that you guys do together?

[00:48:44] Stuart: Well, you know, my thing is, is I really enjoy what I do for a living. I work a lot.

[00:48:50] Riana: Okay, well he can't share that with you. What would you like to share with Dave. Have you recommended some things you too can do together.

[00:48:58] Stuart: I like to eat. I would love to go out and eat more often. I don't know it starts off with a meal and then it ends up we go to a couple of different bob's big boys for all you can eat and it's

[00:49:11] Riana: it's not very romantic though Dave, you know, maybe more romantic restaurant Natalie. Let me get back to you, tell me a little bit about the household you were growing up in. What was mom and dad like

[00:49:22] Stuart: mom and dad were great, always so lively, animated. Everything was a big deal and I feel like that is life like that's how life should be. Everything should be a big

[00:49:34] Riana: deal. So was there a lot of yelling then in your household

[00:49:38] Stuart: yelling? What are you talking about? I don't remember any yelling

[00:49:42] Riana: ever when you're talking right now. You don't think this is yelling?

[00:49:46] Stuart: No. Look, I even took a quaalude before I got in here just to calm down a little bit. I'm not yelling at anybody.

[00:49:53] Riana: Feel like you're yelling is like blowing me out the door a little bit so can we try like lessening the volume and the pace of your words. This is some communication skills that might help you and Dave to get through some of your issues.

[00:50:06] Stuart: I don't think I have any issues. First off, I think all of the issues over on that side of the couch because all he does is sit there, he doesn't do anything

[00:50:16] Riana: now. See, Natalie, this is what we call blaming behavior? We don't want to keep blaming our partner. We have to learn to take responsibility for the things that you want to change within yourself.

[00:50:26] Stuart: He's just really sad. It's gross. Well,

[00:50:29] Riana: sad is because he's feeling the relationship is not working Dave. You tell us. Why do you come off sad.

[00:50:36] Stuart: Well, we talked about how she works all the time. I'm worried about her health since we've been together. She's gained about £200. That is only because I work a very stressful job very late at night. So I end up eating

[00:50:51] Riana: fast food. Natalie. Do you think balance in life is something we can work on? Just

[00:50:56] Stuart: eat with him when I'm with him because he's so boring. I need to excite

[00:50:59] Riana: myself. Well, what do you do for excitement, Natalie?

[00:51:02] Stuart: Well, I like to like to go thrift

[00:51:04] Riana: shopping that doesn't really involve Dave

[00:51:07] Stuart: No, it does involve me, basically what my job is, is to figure out how to fill the car with all of the things that we've

[00:51:13] Riana: bought. So you're the strategist. He's a shopper. He

[00:51:16] Stuart: just has to like move it around. I have to figure out what's going to be important that we buy

[00:51:22] Riana: Natalie. Are you attached to things

[00:51:24] Stuart: that sounds like a weakness? I'm not attached to anything. It's just I really like the stuff

[00:51:29] Riana: that I got. But do you have room for all that in your

[00:51:32] Stuart: home? We've been looking at buying a bigger house longer, can walk into my bathroom.

[00:51:38] Riana: So there's stuff all over the place,

[00:51:41] Stuart: stacks of magazines, but those magazines are important. I'm a little confused about the spare tires we have in our front yard. You never know when you're gonna need spare tires.

[00:51:51] Riana: Natalie, it sounds like there's a couple of addictions going in here. I mean between the hoarding and the eating and the spending for things you don't really want or need and I wouldn't have any

[00:52:00] Stuart: of these issues that Helga was more available.

[00:52:03] Riana: Oh, and who is she?

[00:52:05] Stuart: She's a friend, heard

[00:52:08] Riana: of Helga

[00:52:09] Stuart: who has a name like Helga, you know somebody named Helga?

[00:52:12] Riana: Dave doesn't know this friend?

[00:52:14] Stuart: I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. Helga is my girlfriend.

[00:52:18] Riana: Have a girlfriend.

[00:52:19] Stuart: Had no idea. This is when when were you gonna tell me? I love Helga, I think she's amazing and she's exciting. Everything about her is exciting.

[00:52:28] Riana: Well, what's exciting about her? She's

[00:52:30] Stuart: an incredible lover, but on top of that she rides this bitchen motorcycle and it's amazing to be on the back of

[00:52:38] Riana: that. So does they think you're working?

[00:52:41] Stuart: I get I don't know, he's kind of dumb. I don't know, you keep telling me you're you have to go away for the weekend? Well I do have to go away for the weekend. I'm not going to stay at home and ride motorcycles

[00:52:51] Riana: done. So there's a lot going on. So now there's also the sexual addiction,

[00:52:56] Stuart: there is one thing Dave does. That just drives me absolutely nuts though.

[00:53:00] Riana: Okay, let's get it all out, Natalie. What else do you have for me?

[00:53:04] Stuart: You know, he puts the toilet paper on the roll so that it doesn't come out the top,

[00:53:09] Riana: it comes out the bottom.

[00:53:10] Stuart: Do you know what I'm talking about with that?

[00:53:12] Riana: I do know what you're talking about. Does that really bother you, Natalie? Oh

[00:53:16] Stuart: my God, it's so irritating.

[00:53:18] Riana: Ok, now, Dave, did you know that, that this was something that really upset Natalie?

[00:53:22] Stuart: It does kind of get her go mm

[00:53:25] Riana: hmm. So this is a passive aggressive move. I see. You know what Natalie? I think you're right. I think this relationship is not gonna work.

[00:53:34] Stuart: Thank you so much for joining us for sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it. Make sure to head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com there. You can subscribe to the show, head over to Youtube and watch some of the videos and sketches we've done there. Maybe head over to Patreon and become a patron to the show that would be so much appreciated or you can leave a review someplace or if you're feeling really saucy apply to be on the show. I appreciate every single one of you that listens to the show and I would love to hear more from you. Now. I've got to get this out of the way sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons attribution. No derivatives, four point oh international license. Which means that if you would like to reproduce anything in the show, please contact the show so that I can get you the right material for it. And also this show is copyright 2022 Stewart Rice. Every day we are given a choice. Can we do the funny thing or the not so funny thing. I'm going to urge you to do the funny thing today and create an improvised comedy adventure of your own. Take care, see you next episode. Yeah.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODEI don’t know about you, but I am a scaredy-cat; meaning that I run as fast as I can when something scary happens. Of course, that changed after I had kids because before I started running I had to make sure I had tied the laces of my kids shoes… together so that I could get a good lead. This episode’s guest did not really have that option.
Sherman Tylawsky is a George Washington enthusiast. If there were trading cards for political icons, Sherman would have the back of every single one of them memorized. Sherman is so into the political greats, that he has a podcast called “Friends & Fellow Citizens” that explores the founders of our nation, but also takes a look at contemporary situations and people in politics today through a lens that would make Thomas Jefferson proud.
We talk about his historical political fetish, what it was like to work in our nation’s capital, where all of the business in congress actually happens, and then we really dig into that fateful day a year ago when Sherman’s workplace, our nation’s capital, was sieged upon by its’ own citizens. A terrifying day that will not be forgotten by Sherman or anyone else in America, for that matter.

Note: Mr. Tylawsky presents in his personal capacity and not as a representative of the U.S. government. His personal views are opinion only and do not state U.S. governmental policy or an official U.S. government position.
This episode’s sketch: “Our Constituents Phone Calls are of the Upmost Importance”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2022 Stuart Rice
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SUBSCRIPTIONS & REVIEWSAPPLEYOUTUBEPODCHASER
MORE ABOUT THE GUESTSherman is the CEO of The George Washington Institute, host of the Friends & Fellow Citizens Podcast, an aspiring statesman, and George Washington enthusiast. He has received a master’s degree in international affairs from Texas A&M University and graduated from King’s College London with a bachelor’s degree in politics. He began his first podcast "Friends & Fellow Citizens" to bring the wisdom and significance of the Founding Fathers back to contemporary American life.
Fun Facts about Sherman:
  1. Named after the Founding Father Roger Sherman and Union General William Tecumseh Sherman
  2. Student of Classical Latin and fluent in Mandarin
  3. Washington DC Trivia aficionado 
  4. Seinfeld, 30 Rock, Pizza, Baseball, Aggie football, Ice Cream and America are signs that heaven exists…
LinksWEBSITEPODCASTPATREON

TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE[00:00:00] Sherman: in this episode, aspiring statesman Sherman Tylenol ski and I came up with a few sketches.

[00:00:06] Stuart: Some of those weird phone calls with, with constituents or with people who just whatever reason are off the rails,

[00:00:13] Sherman: that is one of my favorite type of sketches is where it ramps up the idea of gift wrapping savannah or finding a way to get a Lincoln. You know, everybody gathering and trying to figure out what are we going to get Lincoln for his birthday be just being available Like that's you. Your place in history is like, who can we get to sign this thing? We didn't, we need another signature.

[00:00:37] Stuart: Yes

[00:00:39] Sherman: roger. Which one did we pick? You'll fight. Well, you probably figured it out. It's none of the ones I came up with. You'll find out on this episode of a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stuart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then we improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet and I don't know about you, but I am a scaredy cat meaning that I run as fast as I can when something scary happens. Of course that changed after I had kids because before I started running I had to make sure I had tied the laces of my kids shoes together so that I could get a good lead this episode's guest did not really have that option. Sherman telus ski is a George Washington enthusiast. If there were trading cards for political icons, Sherman would have the back of every single one of them memorized. Sherman is so into political greats that he has a podcast called Friends and Fellow Citizens that explores the founders of our nation, but also takes a look at contemporary situations and people in politics today through a lens that would make thomas jefferson proud. We talk about its historical political fetish what it was like to work in our nation's capital, where all of the business in congress actually happens. And then we really dig into that fateful day, a year ago when Sherman's workplace, our nation's capital was seized upon by its own citizens. A terrifying day that will not be forgotten by Sherman or anyone else in America for that matter. And now my conversation with Sherman Tai Loski, aspiring statesman who is in january 6th insurrection survivor. Chairman

[00:02:45] Stuart: Stuart. Great to see you today.

[00:02:48] Sherman: Yeah, it's good to see you too. A welcome onto the show.

[00:02:51] Stuart: Thank you so much for having me. Really appreciate

[00:02:53] Sherman: this. Yeah, I've got a quick question for you, is that okay?

[00:02:56] Stuart: Yeah, absolutely.

[00:02:57] Sherman: What makes you interesting?

[00:03:00] Stuart: Well, first of all, my last name, I think has interested a lot of people. It

[00:03:06] Sherman: took me a couple of times spelling it to get it. Yes, yes, I got it right the last time

[00:03:11] Stuart: I think what makes me unique is that I'm really a hybrid of interest that combined to really make myself a unique american, I am in american history nerd. I love politics, I love sports, I love american food, you know uh I just, I had a Costco pizza earlier today. I think I just, I love this combination of Americana and I could see Americana in so many different manners and I am very, very thrilled to be also part of a family where on my dad's side of eastern european descent. So I've kind of had that orthodox christian background, my family's orthodox christian background that my mom's side, um we are Taiwanese, so I'm half Taiwanese, half eastern european and this is kind of a classy to east and west put together sort of idea. But I've seen these two halves as a perfect combination for my upbringing, him for who I am as an american, who I am as a person nowadays.

[00:04:23] Sherman: Yeah. And when you say America that much, that means you really do have a love for it. So the things that you've done in your life or things that you do currently where you, you're able to portray that or you're able to show that well to the, to the country and do yourself to your to the world, whatever. What are things you do? Sure. Well I'll start

[00:04:44] Stuart: with something that I started last year which was my very first and only podcast right now called friends and fellow citizens. It is the first four words of Washington's farewell address. That's how Washington addresses the nation when he leaves office in 17 96 and I just thought it was very catchy. I also felt that it sounds really positive, you know, because everyone loves friends and everyone loves friends and fellow citizens. So I thought I wanted to find something that could honor our history by the same time. Bring that history to life nowadays by sending them smashes of saying, we have a very, we have a lot of ups and downs in our country, but there's a lot to be proud of and a lot that we can do to improve it and to appreciate it. And that's how I connect to the founders who lived a very, very different time period, but a group of people whom I always have found so intriguing because I feel in this country is truly the first that's built on ideas, not on ethnicity or where you come from. And so to kind of bring that and meld it in with by personal background myself. I thought this was a really great opportunity for me to share with people my guests who come from all different backgrounds and have all kinds of experiences and takes on different issues while also kinda bring myself in and some of our history together. I want to make american history very interesting for other people. So it really is a, I call it a civics podcast because it's not just about politics, not just about history, it's about the foundation of our democracy, the way we know it here

[00:06:28] Sherman: in America. Yeah, I think that's uh it's a it's a big undertaking that you're taking it taking on. Yeah,

[00:06:36] Stuart: I I think it's great.

[00:06:37] Sherman: Yeah. Um you and I have shared guests Edwin and I've had a couple other people that, I mean they're trying their best. It's hard. Like I got kids and when I mentioned history, they immediately the gloss over happens and they stopped listening to me more than they do normally I guess. But yeah, so I I think that this is very important is that we can learn from what's happened before. And I think it's also very important to understand like what are the rules that we currently have? Civics is not a thing that's taught. I don't even know if my kids ever took a class that had anything like that in it because they never talked about it and I wasn't in school with them because I would have been weird. So um what are, what are you talk, what are some of the topics that you talk about? Like you mentioned some of the things, but like what what what would be like a topic that you would dive in on on your show?

[00:07:36] Stuart: Sure. So I've done topics on a whole range of issues that cover american history. What I like to do is I like to find a character in american history who did a lot of amazing things but is just left out of the history books. I mean you mentioned how in civics we don't we don't take on a lot of these different topics and different figures perhaps. So I bring them on and show look, these people are not perfect individuals, obviously no one is but they have very interesting background. So for example, I've done a topic on William Seward who was Secretary of state under Lincoln. He not only, well I guess if you're from Alaska, you also need to love him because he helped with the Alaska purchase. But I've also he also made sure that there wasn't a foreign interference with regards to the american civil war. He was also one of the leading, certainly at that time one of the leading civil rights advocates already calling for equal representation across uh, across all americans regardless of background. So I dive into him. I also look at various different time periods across history and trying to identify some common lessons. For example, I did an episode about a pandemic or epidemic, I should say, because it's kind of smaller epidemic that happened during the Washington administration that broke down in philadelphia and how difficult those conditions were. So to kind of bring some of some context to my audience. This is what I usually do on my solo shows for my guest shows. I usually bring a lot of the man who have become leaders in their field and not necessarily political junkies like myself, you know you know the folks who watch C span and I guess I've already admitted that online now that I watched some C span every now and then.

[00:09:27] Sherman: I know

[00:09:28] Stuart: that's

[00:09:31] Sherman: hard to anybody you c span with. No one talks about C span and chill you know? That's yes that's right.

[00:09:39] Stuart: Not not something that sticks out a lot on a dating app, let's just say you know

[00:09:45] Sherman: uh

[00:09:47] Stuart: But I love I love to bring guests on who are again as I said our leaders in their field there, you've done leadership activities in their community for example. Uh I've no girl from my school in texas A and M. Who is a big cyber person, she's already done of cyber competitions and is trying to expand the number of women in cyber. I've got, you mentioned Edwin, he was a wonderful guests on my show too. He brought I think a lot of wonderful advice in the midst of the election which was held obviously in november and his episode was around that time. So it's it's nice to also play around with the calendar a little bit and try to have guests on who can offer some really amazing insight into our world in those times and it's been quite a wonderful hodgepodge I to this day. I still don't know how I was able to put together some of these episodes but I just cannot thank enough my support system, my family, my friends and all those who listen to my show, it's because of them, that all everything I'm saying is possible.

[00:11:02] Sherman: That's awesome. Yeah, I'm not going to say that about my audience. My audience just collects my, my sound bites and doesn't give me any money. So uh, I do have a Patreon by the way out there. Um Hey, uh, so how did you get so into all of this stuff? Is this is not like something, There's no, there's very rarely do you find action figures of like the founding fathers? Right? Like did you have those growing up? Was that a thing? Like,

[00:11:33] Stuart: I think I got one, I think I got one of those Founding fathers era hats from some museum in Philly might have been from Independence Hall, but I think that was the most I can go because you couldn't, I don't think I put it together a Halloween costume or anything with that because I felt like, well, I don't think, I don't think jefferson or Washington would have been going around ask for candy. So, I definitely was someone who was interested because it just struck me very interesting that there could be this number of individuals so invested in history at that time because a lot of them were looking at Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. I'm thinking, well who does that? You know, who does that? I want to read more. And then the more I read, the more I read about how difficult those times were. I mean I mentioned that we had fourth of july just earlier this month. You know that time signing a document saying you want to break free from England. It wasn't just one of those things where you know this guy, he's just he's just angry at what at the king, It was treason because count as treason by by those standards. And I just really love the stories aspects, you know, and again, we mentioned our civics earlier, that's what I think is lacking most is we're not teaching civics the way I think she's being taught, it should be taught with stories. We all connect with stories and these stories are supposed to bring on motion. They're supposed to bring out the characters, the plot, the conflicts, the resolutions. But if we're if we're spewing facts from with civics, I mean facts are important, don't get me wrong, but facts alone are not gonna be able to inspire people to enter civics and enter public service because people were just like, well it just seems like something I need to study on a test. Why would I be interested in that? So that's really kind of how I also, I I got got interested in the american revolution in american history in general is just because of this compilation of stories that created the nation where I live in and I want to bring some of that too nowadays because we often feel distant from history. Perhaps we feel that it's just two different at the time and it's true that times have changed a lot. But I believe especially based on with my show, We have six pillars of Washington's farewell address that I believe are Values that don't just exist in 1796. They transcend through time. And it's really our job in this generation to make those values more real and more applicable to more people so that future generations can enjoy the freedoms that we have today.

[00:14:17] Sherman: I think you're 100% correct. And one of the things that always seems to be lacking is the why? Because that explains, you know, what's the reason we have the whatever this lies or why do we have the jurisdiction set up the way we do and why do we do any of that stuff? And it it's under it's good to understand the why some of that stuff was created so long ago that maybe it's not, maybe it needs to be updated, maybe it needs to be uh you would know better than I do. But um but I think it's important to understand why did we do it that way and if there's a better way to do it going forward, that's what this generation can do or your generation or I'm old. I'm much older than I love,

[00:15:05] Stuart: but I couldn't tell and I feel like we're in this together, so don't ever feel that there's a generation gap between

[00:15:13] Sherman: Alright, thanks,

[00:15:14] Stuart: thanks

[00:15:14] Sherman: a lot for me. I don't look too bad. Just a

[00:15:19] Stuart: saying goes from indiana jones, it's not the years, it's the mileage.

[00:15:23] Sherman: Fair enough, fair enough. That's right. Um and so your namesake is actually based off of some of our forefathers if I'm not mistaken, correct.

[00:15:35] Stuart: That's right. That's right. I have a bit of fun facts about my first name and it's quite unusual. I believe I've seen it more as a last name in certain cases. And and these two historic examples, they are the last names technically. So it's it's not it's not the exact same relevance, but close enough the first is that we have Roger Sherman who was a founder from Connecticut and he is the only founder to sign the three major documents. So we had the articles of the Declaration of Independence, the articles of confederation and the constitution. Believe there's one other major document that he signed. It's not as super irrelevant, but he signed all those and no one else has that record. So that's pretty interesting. He, I guess he had really good attendance record in school and he just kind of translated that in the government somehow. That's a

[00:16:32] Sherman: great

[00:16:32] Stuart: idea.

[00:16:34] Sherman: Yes, garage

[00:16:37] Stuart: down the street. I'm gonna for those from Rhode island, you're not going to like me when I say is, but you know, Roy Island and didn't have a lot of representives show up for the, the constitutional convention. Let's just say, um, and roger Sherman himself was able to kind of beat their record in terms of attendance. Just one lone guy from the, from the neighbor neighboring state Connecticut, but I am also named after General William Sherman who is also a controversial depending on where you're coming from. Some people from Georgia might not like him very much because of his role in the march to see which was that initiative from the union army to basically just go to the south destroy in all kinds of instruction, ripping up railroad tracks time into not. So you can't even repair them destroying crops and homes and everything that he actually, what's weird is that he actually didn't like blood and he didn't like have like actual war like people fighting. So I said, well I'm just gonna destroy stuff. So he, that's what he did. And he, he, he burned the city of Atlanta actually back in the time of the, of the civil war And when he captured Savannah, he actually captured it as a christmas present for Lincoln. He actually literally told Lincoln say here is your christmas present and it's the city of Savannah. Uh, that might've been the best gift that Lincoln probably ever got. I've never asked. I don't think anyone's ever asked him before. Santa probably would never have given him that. He can't

[00:18:08] Sherman: get it down the chimney. Like it's

[00:18:09] Stuart: kind of hard to fit right down down the chimney,

[00:18:13] Sherman: gift wrap that, that's a big bow.

[00:18:16] Stuart: So I'm also named at General Sherman because you know, as as controversial as it was, certainly back then, maybe not as much nowadays, but he was someone who truly believed in the unity of the United States. That's why he was so driven um, with his values. And he was very close to General Grant, obviously very close to Lincoln as well and he was very instrumental in not only destroying infrastructure but trying to destroy morale to and show that the north was going to win this hands down the north was going to win this. That was the message he wanted to send and I thought it was very powerful. But yeah, so there's roger Sherman and there's General Sherman to two guys share my name. I don't think they've ever probably have whatever anticipate that someone would cite them so much in their podcast and my, my podcast, but they get some recognition. So I'm giving it to them.

[00:19:12] Sherman: But you know what's interesting is that, that philosophy has actually come up a couple of times because rick and morty just had an episode. I know I'm taking it to a

[00:19:23] Stuart: left

[00:19:23] Sherman: tangent, but the idea of going and breaking infrastructure to, to make a statement is actually, it's making a, it's coming back and I think it's interesting because this is a perfect example of, hey go back in history, take a look at, you know, this is this was the strategy. Um, of course we don't want to have to get to that. But like if somebody does want to make a statement without

[00:19:50] Stuart: shedding blood

[00:19:51] Sherman: shed, that's a way to do interesting. Nonetheless. Again, history repeats itself. Absolutely. Um, speaking of establishments of infrastructure, what is the one place of infrastructure that you believe is the epicenter of your political involvement? Where do you go to make things happen?

[00:20:18] Stuart: Well, my favorite place to go is none other than the halls of Congress. I served as an intern in. No, no, no, no, wait

[00:20:29] Sherman: a second. Are you sure you're speaking of the right place?

[00:20:32] Stuart: Oh yeah. Uh, states Congress Washington dc capitol building. Okay. Congress. Yeah,

[00:20:42] Sherman: no, no, no, no, no, that's okay. That's where you do all your best networking.

[00:20:48] Stuart: I, I feel like you know, you know what they got, I'll tell you what and this is not a total secret. It's been obviously the capitol grounds have been closed down for a while, but there is a Dunkin Donuts in Longwood feeling by the way, I'm not being sponsored by Dunkin Donuts in this episode. I don't, if they're interested in sponsoring me, that's a whole other thing. But for the sake of this, there's a Dunkin donuts there and I have tried so many times to say, well, let's, you know, network, you know, with staffers or anyone else somewhere else because I am just so drawn to the pastries there and every single time I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna get black ice coffee, no big deal. But those, those donors just get me every time and you know that. And I just, and I've learned that you cannot network without being near coffee and sweets because they're going to get you some boy, everyone wants you to meet at a coffee shop and you're just ensconced by these delicacies that to me that Dunkin donuts in the Longworth House office building, which you guys can look it up and everything. Is

[00:21:55] Sherman: that actually, I'm sorry. I apologize. I didn't mean to cut you. That's actually in the Congress.

[00:22:00] Stuart: Oh yeah, it's in the, it's in the house office buildings. So I'm not even joking. You can literally, when I was there, you, I've seen everyone from the american family visiting the visiting the capitol hill because at that time, back before covid when you can still visit the capital, you can roam around the house and Senate office building so you can go to these cafeterias and he's eating places. So you can have american literally like american family going, they're getting, you know, doughnuts or something and maybe next in line is a member of congress. I've seen that before. It's really, really cool. There's something about this idea of having the space communal space to, uh, chat over coffee. It might just be the stimulant aspect of caffeine, you know, or the blood sugar or something going up or something when you have a doughnut, but there's there's something very special. I'm not, I kid you not that place. I have made a lot of connections in that Dunkin donuts. I don't think

[00:23:03] Sherman: any other dumb things like something in the doughnuts are in the coffee to like lower like the, the barriers so it makes it much easier to talk or it's just the endorphins of biting into an apple fritter. Like that's the thing that just that maybe maybe we just need to, like that's what we need is just constant doughnuts going through Congress and the senate.

[00:23:26] Stuart: A lot of, a lot of healthy eating folks are not going to agree with me on this, but that's okay because you know do and this is America you're allowed to go to Dunkin donuts if you want to whenever you want to. But I will say there is something very unique about sitting down with someone and I don't know what it is, but I really feel like, especially if you're meeting with someone, you're talking about current issues and but you're doing it over a nice cup of coffee and doughnut. There is something about this idea of consuming and of just consuming something together because I think it kind of breaks down some, maybe some political barriers. I don't have scientific evidence of that. I'm not a scientist. I don't do this kind of research. But it'd be a good ted talk to do. Maybe it's an idea worth spreading of of having your own coffee. Maybe someone doesn't like coffee as the drink. But this idea of having a coffee doing a small activity with someone and seeing how that can break down barriers and break the ice a little bit. Because it really is such so undervalued in a lot of ways. You know having to too much virtual stuff going on. I know we're doing a virtual now just because you can't be in person but I love to meet you in person at some time. But there really is some kind of value to it. And when you have this in person gathering here, as I mentioned earlier about folks meeting up in Duncan and other parts of D. C. There is this real emphasis on meeting someone shaking their hand and having that that's all kind of conversation. There's something really valuable that we need more of that nowadays I think.

[00:25:17] Sherman: But I feel like that's almost biblical. The idea of breaking bread with others. And actually having a conversation is it's always easier. Especially if it's got frosting. It makes the conversation easier. Oh yes. Much easier to

[00:25:31] Stuart: say yes. Especially when they're sitting creaming it. Like it's something like one time I got this doing it, I didn't know what it was. I was like oh it looks looks good and I think buying it's got cream in it and I was like no way this, it's like a surprise and it's like this is this conversation is getting better. It's because yeah, first time speaking

[00:25:48] Sherman: to. Yeah, I I often think like the best thing to do is if you're going to have a hard conversation, go grab a dozen donuts, just bring a dozen donuts and you're fine. Maybe it's something

[00:25:58] Stuart: you're save some for your office if you can. But if you can't you can always get another dozen donuts.

[00:26:04] Sherman: Do you have a do you have a favorite doughnut?

[00:26:07] Stuart: Oh God, I love the I love the munchkins. So the munchkins are basically like a cake doughnut and they got the chocolate flavored. Oh those are those are really good. Yeah you gotta you gotta you gotta have they have they sell them like a does it? Or 10 of them were Does't but you can buy up to 50 of them. Now. I'm not I'm not going to say whether or not you should be eating 50 munchkins at a time, but it's available just

[00:26:33] Sherman: I mean if you don't do it every day, just know over three times a week

[00:26:37] Stuart: you got to make it special. That's

[00:26:39] Sherman: the thing. You got to make

[00:26:40] Stuart: this experience special. And uh it's the evening time. But luckily there's a donut shop 24 7. Not too far from here. I'm gonna try everything. I can to stay away from the place because that place is way too tempting.

[00:26:55] Sherman: Yeah, I love doughnut. Um so now Dunkin Donuts is great. Have you been there where it wasn't such a great experience?

[00:27:07] Stuart: Well, you know, sometimes the lines can be quite long because it's such a popular place. I mean, you gotta, you gotta keep the government fed. You know, it goes without saying um I actually joked with someone recently about how I'm really, it would be really funny if there was some kind of, you know, some kind of alleged scheme between Dunkin donuts and the federal government. I think that'd be really funny. And to see like, like, you know, looking, there was like some kind of what is it? Um not, not find, it's the other one I can remember. But anyway, it's the, it's the freedom of information for you. There you go. If there was like some kind of Foia related thing and then people discover that Dunkin donuts gets like special preferences. I'm convinced that Dunkin donuts everywhere in these federal buildings. There are in the State Department there. I believe they're in the pentagon and all kinds. So some of, you know, just some of the most important places in the world and it happens to be a Dunkin donuts. I'm gonna leave it up to the audience to determine what's going on.

[00:28:08] Sherman: Uh All right,

[00:28:14] Stuart: you got some homework to do Stewart?

[00:28:16] Sherman: I do. I need to dig into Dunkin donuts again to Dunkin donuts.

[00:28:21] Stuart: I mean, they don't say America runs on Dunkin for no reason. That's

[00:28:25] Sherman: true. Oh my gosh. They tell us straight up they are the illuminati. Um, no, but I mean, I mean like what would cause something serious to happen and, and in one of the, one of the buildings there, like it, would it be like running out of coffee that would cause some issues. Right?

[00:28:44] Stuart: Yeah, Yeah. Because you know, coffee and caffeine is not, is not a beverage. It's a fuel, you know, that's like, you can't drive around without gas, gasoline. So how can we expect the government run without caffeine? Right. Right.

[00:28:59] Sherman: Is that what happened in january?

[00:29:02] Stuart: Well, thank thank goodness. It wasn't about coffee, but obviously something, something a lot bigger. Uh,

[00:29:09] Sherman: something did happen

[00:29:10] Stuart: and

[00:29:11] Sherman: I'm waking up to this, but like, do you have an experience with that?

[00:29:16] Stuart: Yes. So I'll preface with something here. So I'm, I mentioned earlier I interned in the summer 2019, but I really wanted to any, I worked for

[00:29:29] Sherman: regardless of my

[00:29:29] Stuart: personal beliefs, I truly believe I need to work for both sides of the aisle, regardless of my political differences or similarities. And so I have both times that I've worked for Congress. I've worked for a different part of each time. Um, and I did the first time. Someone 2019. So I wanted to do it again in 2021 and I applied for the spring and I remember the lady asked me what date would you like to start and I was like, well, you know january is kind of a quiet month, right? So I literally just say you know what Whatever, I'll just start on January four the first week, I don't think there's gonna be anything happening then you know, I can transition into the office and well clearly I'm not a fortune teller. Uh but I was actually in lockdown as an intern on capitol hill on january six, one of the craziest moments I've ever experienced and something that I've been share a little bit about two other shows to just because more serious though, I do want to share as much of the stories I can because I want people to understand how important is to bring people together and understand how we can move forward as a nation from a very, very ugly time, you know, and that's really why I decided to be a lot more outspoken when I left my internship. It was wonderful experience, a wonderful office and wonderful member. But that day certainly was just mean, it's awfully awfully saying, you know, um I always dealing with people and say, you know when young students apply, you go, you go onto one of these sites for a member where senator or whoever, they always say like you know, an internship is a fun and exciting experience and everything. It's like, yeah, I can kind of see that after my time here um that the government was over promising. Which

[00:31:26] Sherman: yeah, when you said exciting, I thought you know, maybe we'd see an argument. All right. I'm not something like this. So what does that mean when you're in lockdown? What does that mean? What and what information are you getting at that moment?

[00:31:43] Stuart: Absolutely. Well, I was at work on that day. Um It was Wednesday and all I knew really was that there was gonna be restricted access to the capitol building because we're gonna have all the members there to count the electoral votes to certify the election for joe biden. But other than that, I didn't really know exactly how it was going to play out. And that all started to change when I got to the the office building and after some time I actually was was able to um get let in by my office. And I actually got my ID card that morning because they're like, we were like, oh what the heck, Just get it out of the way. It turned out to be really, really good good decision. And I remember just looking outside the window where I can where I can be in one of the office buildings on the house side. And I just saw a huge crowd right outside the capitol and look, I know dC protests, I've been d C before I've seen demonstrations and all that. Nothing like what I saw and I know when I saw that crowd right outside, I knew that this this is a totally different story. Some something's going to happen and what I can reveal. You know, there's some things that I'm not sure if I can reveal just because, you know, given the kind of complex nature of how things go. But I was actually I was evacuated the first time around lunchtime. And all I knew, all I heard was that there was a bomb outside of the RNC building. I was like, what? Like what do you mean? Like and you're just you're just in that kind of mode where it's like, you don't know what's going on and and throughout that time, all you can do is just count on what you can find out online. But you know, I was evacuated one time and then we came back and then there was another lockdown and the second I was like, again, I thought I thought, you know, because we got the all clear. I knew, I thought we got the all clear in the first time. Second time, what all we knew was that there was an intruder in the Cannon building and for those of you have been to the house side, all the buildings, there are three separate buildings, but they're all connected by a tunnel. So that person could basically be anywhere in that complex. It was just absolutely insane. And I literally was evacuated with, you know, there's staffers and journalists and members of Congress just basically running around this place. It was just absolutely crazy. Um, capitol police, I will say they have been so professional in my experience, they've done a lot to show us the way to go, ways to find a hiding spot and everything. They're just absolutely phenomenal people. And what I can just do kind of end is like kind of first part of the story here, you know, I was able to be in hiding. I was hiding for several hours and as I'm watching the live broadcast of what was happening, which is literally just happening just a few 100 ft away from several 100 ft away from where I am. And I saw that that breach, you know, the breach into the capital and my heart just sank. You know, I mentioned that I would intern summer in 2019. I was leading tours of with families across around the capital. Bill is showing them the beautiful artwork and the paintings and the sculptures and then to see something like that happened right in front of my eyes and to know that there are people who are getting hurt. Some people obviously lost their lives because of that. That really, that really made me very, very, very sad myself and I knew that however, this is gonna end for myself and for my office who were just absolutely phenomenal people again, these people I just met basically two days ago, you know, so, um, and I, I obviously trusted them because I knew that they were going to do the right thing, but I will never forget just being locked down for all these hours in a secret room there and everything knowing that when I was going to come out that I needed to be in the future, I didn't know when, right, But I needed to be very frank about why this event is important and why young people especially who are looking to enter public service, maybe some of them who might not be thinking public service right now. I I still want to let them know that it is still something to pursue. As, as a career, as something you can contribute to as the democracy that we live in this place. This country can be a place where people can pitch in their ideas, have civil conversations, have civil debates. We don't need obviously this violence and this, this atrocious bias that happened. But I know that in my heart I believe and I believe in this nation, I know we've gone through a lot of tough times. There's no question about that. However, this experience that I've shared with you guys here, just some of the things that I got to see personally when you're in that mode where you don't know really what's happening, right? Because this is a big place, Capitol Hill is quite a big place bigger than most people think when such a big place and all these people are running around you start you, you say a prayer to yourself, you pray for for those who are trying to just trying to do the right thing, you know, trying to uphold our democracy, trying to make sure that people are keeping safe and even to this day, what I will say is there's still a lot of things that we need to find out, a lot of things that we know already, however we needed. I think generally speaking, look at how we can build a better arena for political discourse and how we can have more of these. Like I mentioned about the coffees, you know, I can't emphasize that enough, you know, just having an in person feeling where you can meet somebody learn about their past, learn about why they feel the way they feel that will raise a great start, you know, and and not to mention all the delicious stuff that you can have with it, you know, So I think this is the kind of platform I'm promoting and I just, I'm so grateful for all the people I mentioned earlier, capitol police my office, my family who I was texting back and forth with during that whole lockdown period, All the friends who have reached out to me and have expressed support for me, there's so many people out there that I cannot think enough and I'm so grateful to them

[00:38:17] Sherman: Yeah, I, I think you've got your, you're hitting the right thing. Like enter that building in the right way if you want to make change, if you do things like what you're doing right? Like, hey, I'm going to be involved, I'm going to go, um, volunteer my time and be a part of this process and probably later on go and actually join that entire process. I don't know if that's an aspiration of yours, but it sounds like it. So it might be that that sounds like the right way to do that.

[00:38:48] Stuart: Absolutely.

[00:38:49] Sherman: Yeah. I, I, and you know, we talked, we talked a lot about civics and the other thing we need, you mentioned it just now is civilities. So civility and civics should go hand in hand. That's the only way real change gonna get made. Um, powerful story. Like how terrified are you in that situation? You can't, I can't even imagine I was watching it on tv and I was like, oh my God, I'm terrified.

[00:39:20] Stuart: I'll tell you my mind, my heart, we're just going a million miles away because I had a per hour because so many things were happening at the same time. You don't know what is, what is going, what is happening. You know, when you're seeing footage, right? How long ago was that footage? So that's, that's also the kind of crazy thing. Um, I, As I said, I, I had faith in my office, I had faith in the people I was with and they were just incredible people, especially, you know, I I often mention about how in Congress we can't just understand the members. We obviously vote for 535 members, but there's thousands, thousands more staffers who supported these members and they do a lot of work for these representatives. And these are the people who I got to spend a lot of time with. And they're just, I mean, our office had a really wonderful, wonderful vibe, you know, that this is kind of how it's going. Not to mention that we had, uh, we have a we had a cute dog. So that was also like probably one of the greatest sources of comfort you can always have at that time. But it was just wild. And I I didn't get home until probably about nine o'clock or so. So that was that was the longest day I ever worked technically in Congress, which was left out like a 12 hour day. I didn't spend 12 hours any, any time in the future after that. That was the longest time ever been in on capitol Hill. I will, what I will say is, you know, you watched on tv everyone that's the thing. Everyone's had their own personal experience. But I also want to make sure that my message to everybody is on this topic is you have the power to be able to red wine and do something good to serve our democracy. You know, it affects when when I see that it's not just the capital building, it's not just run by the federal government, it's the people's house. And so we are the people obviously. And so when something like this happens, it must be made relevant to people. And people need to get the answers and understand how they can make our democracy better because I can tell you that, you know, the Justice Department a and the FBI they're doing their job and going after the folks who uh under the capital and did all that harm the folks. That's the I really appreciate your job the other than though I think in a larger picture is what you were saying, sewer, which is having a system of civility, making sure that we're not just thinking, okay, what are the policies coming up this Congress maybe thinking how do we actually do things in congress? How do we actually in the in the future? I've been talking about some of some of the stuff recently, which is about advanced technologies with ai now you can make so as someone said something, even though they didn't. So the idea of the in person meeting and maybe the town hall meeting with someone that could matter a whole lot more in the future because otherwise we can't just be relying on everything that we see on the internet clearly. And so these are the kinds of things I'm also thinking about. But it's, it's gonna be a journey. I'm so, I'm glad that the fence has come down. I had to see that ugly fence for so long. It really, it really feels like a fortress, You know, when you see that outside perimeter and you got to go through that every single day, um, the barbed wire and everything, it

[00:42:44] Sherman: was weird that it's domestic people working. Yes, that's right. That's the weirdest part.

[00:42:49] Stuart: Exactly, yes, Exactly. Because the family, they initially they have the outside perimeter, then they shifted it more closer to the capitol building. So it was more open. Maybe like in the last month I was there. But it was just like, man, that's just, I, I was, I'll never forget, you know, I'll never forget walking by that fence every single day. You know, I had to uh, it didn't help that I had to also across the other side of the street because that fence was so big and I just took out one end of the studio, I was like, oh man, I got across the street again, You know, it was

[00:43:23] Sherman: extra steps,

[00:43:25] Stuart: right? Exactly. Oh my God. It was like, I know they had to put together a fence pretty quickly, but it was my point is my, my time in Congress clearly is nothing like I ever imagined. I don't know how I would when people ask me in the future, especially students who are interested working from Congress, I'm gonna any time any more time anyone asked me, oh, how is your experience or what would you say to someone who's looking to work for Congress? Almost like I'm gonna be like, so how much time do you have? Because I'm gonna, I'm gonna be talking for a while. You better sit down, maybe have a cup of coffee or a doughnut and just listen to me speak for an hour and let me explain to you as much as I can and what I've gone through myself. So, but crazy, crazy times. And I just hope that, um, I can be one of those guys to just spread a positive message and a positive message to all of you guys and to other audiences because I just believe in that value. Believe that value of sharing people, what I've gone through what I believe in, but also do my part to say, look, you're, you're my, you're my, you're my friends and fellow citizens. We got, we got to come together, we got to find ways to unite.

[00:44:48] Sherman: I think that's beautiful. All right, well it has been about, it's been a little over half an hour but great conversation. However, it is now time to record a sketch. Well, I don't know about you, but no matter how hidden that room was, I'd still be terrified. Hey, I feel obligated to let you know that about half of this entire interview process is actually still on my hard drive or if you are interested and you would like to hear more about the hidden room and some other things that we didn't get to get into on the podcast. Head to Patreon dot com because I've got the entire video interview available to my patrons for as little as a dollar a month. That's right. Go to patreon dot com slash sketch com pod and for a dollar a month you can get all the salacious details of all of the interviews I've ever done. Now that I'm done with my shameless plug Sherman, what would you like to shamelessly plug

[00:45:54] Stuart: my podcast again is called Friends and Fellow citizens. You can check out that podcast on my website which is down the banner below. One of the show notes below. Um, but you can also look up friends and fellow citizens on your favorite podcast app. It is a show that is dedicated to upholding the six principles of Washington's farewell address and applying those principles to today.

[00:46:20] Sherman: I highly suggest that you take a trip over to Itunes or wherever you listen to podcasts and hit the subscribe button on Sherman's show. It is absolutely fantastic. And now our sketch, our constituents phone calls are of the utmost importance in three two.

[00:46:45] Stuart: Hello, thank you for calling the office of Representative George Washington. How may I help you?

[00:46:49] Sherman: I said quiet down. I'm trying to Hi hi, who am I talking to?

[00:46:55] Stuart: This is Sherman speaking from congressman George Washington's office. How may I help you?

[00:47:00] Sherman: I'm so happy you picked up the phone. I'm here with my family. My kids are going crazy. What is how do I get to? What's the guy with the top hat? The president guy with the top hat.

[00:47:13] Stuart: I believe you're talking about Abraham Lincoln,

[00:47:17] Sherman: That guy. Yeah, yeah. So he's got like a place where he sits. Right? How do I get there from the big, the big pencil thing with the pool

[00:47:26] Stuart: sir. The pencil thing you're referring to is not the characterization that our office would use a monument that that clearly shows that our office has done enough for the nation to be known as a monument called the Washington monument.

[00:47:40] Sherman: Yeah. Hey, get out of the pool. What did I tell you? I don't know what's in there, grab some change. All right. So how do I get there? Do I? Is it? Where do I turn right? Because it looks like I turn right, am I wrong?

[00:47:53] Stuart: So sir, if you keep walking towards the pointy towards the pointy object which you refer to which I referred to as the monument, you should be able to see it. It's tall enough to be able to be seen from a great distance. Once in turn towards a giant building with a lot of columns and there's actually a man seated there. Not an actual man, but an actual statue of Abraham Lincoln

[00:48:19] Sherman: Alright, do they sell T shirts there?

[00:48:21] Stuart: Well, I can't speak on behalf of the representative, you know, in this nation. Representative Washington truly believes in the idea of capitalism of having a free market and you know, you have the option to purchase a T shirt if you so choose to,

[00:48:37] Sherman: Hey, put that down. It looks dead. My problem is my kids ate ice cream. We've got ice cream all over them. I need to get them a T shirt to cover up the ice cream just to replace it because they look like put it down. They look like slobs. So just keep walking towards the big pointy thing. All right, thanks

[00:48:54] Stuart: donald trump. Oh, have a great day. Thank you for calling. Hello. Thank you for calling the office of representative George Washington. How may I help you? Yes,

[00:49:05] Sherman: I would like to talk to the representative. I have an idea for

[00:49:09] Stuart: a really

[00:49:10] Sherman: good weapon system.

[00:49:12] Stuart: Unfortunately Representative is unavailable at the moment, but I'm happy to pass along concern for you if you like.

[00:49:18] Sherman: Oh, I appreciate that. What I'm going to suggest is that we we have so many pets in this country. So many pets and people just do not get their pets neutered or spade. You know, like bob barker used to tell us to do. And so what I was thinking was instead of instead of guns, Maybe we could just they all have collars. we could just attach some sort of explosive device to their next. And then that way we could be safer as a

[00:49:51] Stuart: country. I appreciate your concern about public safety. As you might know represented Washington truly cares about the livelihoods of everyone here in the United States, he puts as a top priority. And while the congressman has not been able to examine this issue further, I can tell you that he's very, very committed to ensuring that the people of his district and kept safe and I will be sure to pass your message on. I

[00:50:19] Sherman: don't have any pets myself, but my neighbors all have pets and they're terrible. They come over and they poop all over the lawn and they bite and bark and now and they're very loud. But I think they would be really effective weapons if we just attach large explosives to their necks. And then when we get invaded we just sit them, maybe spray bacon on the enemies and then have the pets go after them. Why? I think this is a good idea.

[00:50:51] Stuart: Well, it's unfortunate to hear about the circumstances which you're living in right now. Um, if I can come on one thing, you know, bacon is definitely very, very important commodity here in the United States and Representative Washington truly cares about the bacon, making sure that the bacon can land on americans breakfast plates as as quick as possible. So he definitely can absolutely advocate for that. But you know, again, I'm sorry to hear about the circumstances you're going through. Uh, it sounds like a very unfortunate happening in your neighborhood, but I'm happy to speak to represent Washington about that. And you can consider some legislation. We look forward to hearing from our constituents about this issue. If you so choose.

[00:51:35] Sherman: Does the representative have a pet? I could, I could design one of these incentives as a sample.

[00:51:41] Stuart: There are a number of horses queen with growing up himself. I cannot comment at this time about the state of pets in our office. That is that is outside of our jurisdiction here on the phone, whether it's horses, dogs, cats, they're part of the american family and we absolutely have to do everything we can in our power to make sure that they, that they have the, the, the equal rights that all the human beings have as well.

[00:52:07] Sherman: Alright, so a horse. I'll send a horse. Thank you.

[00:52:14] Stuart: Hello, thank you for calling the office represented George Washington. How may I help you?

[00:52:17] Sherman: Hi, who am I speaking to?

[00:52:19] Stuart: This is Sherman from congressman Washington's office.

[00:52:22] Sherman: Excellent Sherman, thank you so much for taking my call. I really appreciate representative Washington and I know that I'm calling the right person. I am so excited to to get a chance to speak to you. Sherman do you have a little time.

[00:52:36] Stuart: Absolutely sir.

[00:52:36] Sherman: So first off, I want to say that the Congressman's decision on Bill 397 was phenomenal. I just want to say that I sided with everything he put down and all of his arguments were fantastic. I do have a little concern and I'm hoping I can, I can talk to you about. Absolutes, sir. And this will get to the representatives.

[00:52:57] Stuart: Absolutely be sure to pass that London right after a call.

[00:53:00] Sherman: Okay. I'm concerned about the reptile. Ian's in Congress. One excruciating hour later. I don't know if you can hear in the background. I have captured 500 live flies just in case. Representative Washington wants to have a discussion. I've got these here for him. Let's let's set up a meeting.

[00:53:18] Stuart: I'll be sure to pass the information along as quickly as possible.

[00:53:21] Sherman: Thank you so much.

[00:53:23] Stuart: You're very welcome to have a great day. Hello. Thank you for calling the office representing Washington. How may I help you?

[00:53:31] Sherman: Sherman? I've got the three dozen fly and crusted doughnuts ready for the congressman. Where would you like me to drop these off. Thank you so much for joining us for sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed. Making it. Make sure to head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com. There. You can subscribe to the show. Head over to youtube and watch some of the videos and sketches we've done there. Maybe head over to Patreon and become a patron to the show, That would be so much appreciated. Or you can leave a review someplace or if you're feeling really saucy apply to be on the show. I appreciate every single one of you that listens to the show and I would love to hear more from you Now. I got to get this out of the way, sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons attribution, no derivatives 4.0 international license, which means that if you would like to reproduce anything in the show, please contact the show so that I can get you the right material for it. And also this show is copyright 2022 Stewart Rice. Every day we are given a choice. Can we do the funny thing or the not so funny thing. I'm going to urge you to do the funny thing today and create an improvised comedy adventure of your own. Take care. See you next episode.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODEThe world is crazy. We have a pandemic going on, there is unrest in the streets, and now it is no longer safe to go to a concert. But it’s about to get crazier, because the holidays are right around the corner. How does one cope with all this nuttiness? Drinking… no, wait, wrong answer! According to this episode’s guest, it is Stoicism.
Erick Cloward has had a lot of hats on his bare head: musician, EDM enthusiast, video game soundtrack scorer… oh, wait, I guess a lot of music, Ex-Mormon (he gave it up for Lent), and now he is a podcaster and, as he describes it, an accidental philosopher. Erick’s passion is stoicism, which sounds like an oxymoron, and hosts the excellent “Stoic Coffee Break” which I likely did not say properly on the show (at least that is what his fans have told me).
We talk about stoicism, what it is and how you can use it in your life. We also talk about crypto-currencies, which Erick has done very well with, thank you very much. We also talk about Erick’s Twitter feud with “Weird” Al Yankovich… which is just mind-boggling but a true story none-the-less. 
This episode’s sketch: “Avenger’s Stoic Action Plan”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUESTSeveral years ago, Erick heard Tim Ferris talk about A Guide To The Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine. Erick was intrigued by the contradiction of stoicism and joy. As a sucker for paradoxes, like most people, Erick only heard the term stoic used in referring to someone that was emotionless and cold, not anywhere near being joyful. The more Erick learned about what stoicism was really about, he began to see a worldview that was not devoid of emotion but a framework to test opinions against which give events and circumstance their proper weight. Being a stoic simply means that one chooses how things affect you, rather than being at the whim of life circumstances.
As a New Years resolution for 2018, Erick made a promise to put in the effort and just create a podcast; he began the whole thing as just a “practice” and created an audio journal about each day as a Stoic Journal. Pretty soon, Erick hit 10 days of recording something and posting it. He actually had people listening to it. Now the show enjoys over 1 million downloads and offers fantastic benefits to those that are members of the “Stoic Coffee Break” Patreon.
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TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode, stoic and enemy of Weird Al Yankovic, eric Cloward and I came up with a few sketches, a game show called, what age are you and then have them guests and then tell them they're wrong and then tell them what the actual answer is driving with a stoic. It's sort of like comedians in cars getting coffee or something along those lines. But you're talking about some sort of a stoic lesson or something along those lines and you're in traffic and you're trying not to lose it, but you're probably going to lose it. The stoic Avengers like which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stuart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then we improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about right now. The world is crazy, we have a pandemic going on, there's unrest in the streets and now it's no longer safe to even just go to a concert but it's about to get crazier because the holidays are right around the corner. How does one cope with all of the nuttiness drinking? No wait wrong answer. According to this episode's guest, it is stoicism. Eric Cloward has had a lot of hats on his bare head musician E. D. M. Enthusiast, video game soundtrack score. Oh wait I guess that's a lot of music, he's an ex mormon. He gave it up for lent and now he's a podcaster and as he describes it, an accidental philosopher. Erik's passion is stoicism which granted does sound like an oxymoron and he hosts the excellent stoic coffee break, which I likely didn't say properly in the show, at least. That's what his fans have told me. We talk about stoicism, uh what it is and how you can use it in your life. We also talk about cryptocurrencies, which ERic has done very well with. Thank you very much. We also talk about eric's twitter feud with Weird Al Yankovic, which is just mind boggling, but a true story nonetheless, and now my conversation with eric Cloward, passionate stoic and enemy of Weird owl, hey eric, I've got a question for you. Okay, what makes you interesting?

[00:02:40] Erick: That's a tough one. Um, before I would have, I guess years ago I probably have listed off all sorts of accomplishments and things that I've done and this is what makes me interesting mostly because I think I was pretty insecure for a long, for a large part of my life. I think I still am in some ways and finally, over the last probably four or five months really coming to terms with that. Um, so what makes me interesting is I'm pretty much just like everybody else, but I'm willing to admit where I'm really fucked up.

[00:03:13] Stuart: Uh you know what, that actually does make everybody kind of interesting if he could admit, hey, I've got all these insecurities, insecurities or things that people, I was just talking to my son about that today because he was tired. He's um he plays smash brothers, right? And he wants to get competitive with it. And one of the, one of his favorite smash players, it's really odd when I'm talking to my son and I'm like, what are you up to? And he's like, smash and I'm like, there's no girls involved is there? But anyway, uh he um he was telling me that this guy was like, play to learn, don't play to win, and I was like, wow, that's there you go, because that's most of the time, that's what people are doing is they're playing to win because the insecurity is if I lose, I'm not getting anything out of this. And so it finally clicked for him that hey, I can go ahead and lose and it'll be okay. And I feel like that was a pretty good introductory lesson into something that you're pretty interested in. You want to go into that.

[00:04:20] Erick: Yeah. And what's funny is that a couple of weeks ago with the title, I think it was three weeks ago I had an episode entitled win or lose win or learn then you never lose. So it's exactly that thing and that that has probably taken me. I mean, I'll be turning 49 this year, which just is still weird to me that I'm that old because I still feel like I'm like 28 or something, like, like I've grown up and the rest of me is still trying to figure out that I'm actually growing up and you know, there's a lot of little signs that tell you that like I have some nerve damage and each side of my legs because it's a little pinched nerve in my back and just all sorts of those things to start to go bad, you know, bad elbows. So when I'm like trying to lift, like I used to my body just goes, what are you doing? Yeah,

[00:05:07] Stuart: uh,

[00:05:10] Erick: but I think that, I mean, I think that it's unfortunate, but that's kind of how our society is geared is that we need to be these type of people who are always winning, always winning, always winning. And I think if we get our society more towards always learning, always learning, what can you learn, what he learned that everything is always about learning, then I think that we would be much better off, but we're always, you know where I was grading people, we have the standards of how things are supposed to be. And if you look at it, some of the most successful people are the people who, you know, said who were going along this path and went, this is really dumb, why am I doing this? I'm going to do something different and jumped off the path and in a completely different direction. I mean Bill Gates never finished college. I mean I could go down the list of people who never finished college and I'd say that college is the end all and be all by any means. I graduated from college and I'm really glad I did. I learned a lot from that. Um, but the stuff that I learned was much more about learning and things that I needed to kind of figure out of it for myself because I mean I graduated a marketing and business and I ended up being a software developer. I never studied computers before I graduated from college. I got out of college and got a job as a web master because I can paint nice pictures on the computer. And so then I'm like, well, hey, why don't I learn how to do some programming? That sounds like it'd be fun.

[00:06:35] Stuart: So I, yeah, I mean, I don't know if I've ever made that statement. Let's, let's find some programming. That sounds fun. Um, you know, my argument for college for college is always, is always, it doesn't really matter what you go to college for. It doesn't, I would agree with that. That the thing about college is that's where you actually, you actually start to learn before that. It's all about learning how to learn and then you get into college and you can actually learn and you're learning from all sorts of different angles. Right? Um, I mean you learn from, you know, obviously from the classes from the labs, doing all that type of stuff, but you also learn a little bit more about how adults want to be treated and those types of things. I don't I don't know, I think college is a great experience that everybody needs to, everybody should be given an opportunity to feel, you know, you actually mentioned something about um what age I think I lost, you know,

[00:07:32] Erick: I was switched on the camera because it well I got stuck and it was just like

[00:07:38] Stuart: yeah, yeah, you had yeah, you had that look of terror on your face, which is for later on in the show. Um the question that no, no, no. So what I was saying was you know, colleges you learned, that's where you actually learn and then you actually mentioned something earlier about, you know what age you felt And I got asked that question one time at a therapy session, it was therapy session between myself and my wife, how old do you feel? And I was like, I feel 14 and I was like 35 at the time and I was like I really have no idea what I'm doing And I can say now it's a little bit older, I'm at least 17 at this point, but mhm. But we'll go ahead what was like that age, like you start to really kind of come into yourself like, do you remember that moment?

[00:08:31] Erick: Um wow, yeah, I don't I mean there are different phases, like when I mean, I still remember like when I was 14, 15 and things were clicking a bit for me, remember 13, This is gonna get a bit heavy, remember 13 recognizing that that I, I didn't like my dad, that I hated my dad partly because he was very abusive when we were growing up. But it was really, it was really confusing because he was smart, he could be very compassionate and very kind, but he had some pretty serious internal demons that he never talked about with anybody. And I didn't really understand until after he had died until I talked to my mom and other people. And as I became preparing myself, I started like recognizing some of these things. So at 13 I hated my dad then I felt like I was a terrible person because I hated my dad, but it was because I got tired of being beat, I got tired of being yelled at, I got tired of being in trouble all the time just for being me. Um and I was also tired of all the, I grew up mormon, so I got tired of all the guilt and the shame and uh, so that was, that was a big one, but then I kind of got all sucked back into the whole mormon ology because I grew up in salt lake and there wasn't much, it was,

[00:09:51] Stuart: I mean it literally a way of life,

[00:09:53] Erick: yes, escape velocity and that, that's kind of orbit is really, really hard. Um, I almost left at 17 and then got sucked back into it, went on a mission to Austria, which, which actually was a good thing. I really enjoyed Austria. I still speak fluent German, I got to see part of the country and part of the world, I guess part of the world, a new country that I've never seen before. Um, a new, a whole new way of thinking, um, which was very interesting for me because Utah is very conservative and they have this kind of whole worldview and then I went to Austria and so almost not completely flipped, but very, very different, distinctly different where people were much happier with a lot less people were much more community minded, They cared about their neighbors, they knew their neighbors, someone who knows the way someone had just, hey, we're, we're part of this community where humans what we do. Um, and they were a socialist democracy and I've been told my whole life that capitalist democracy is the only way to do it, socialism is this evil thing except the mormons believe in tithing and all of that stuff. So it's like, yeah, so, but as far as like feeling that I was coming into my own, um, when I was in my early thirties, um, I definitely had a stage, probably about 34, I think I've been divorced for about a year or two at that point And I was just reaching that point of having enough, being young enough to really enjoy still, you know, enjoy my life. I was cycling a lot, so it's in really good shape. Um, I had a good job, so, you know, I was making pretty good money and but also wise enough not to do a lot of the dumb things, plenty of other people I started doing. So it was, that was definitely a big point for me. Um but yeah, there are definitely times where I feel like I'm still a teenager because I feel like I'm just, you know, like, I'm just faking my way through all of this ship. And um, and I think that's why the podcast has resonated my podcast. So, a coffee break has resonated pretty well. Um we just hit half a million downloads last week and it still floors me that, you know, my voice has been downloaded over half a million times on this planet. Um it's still just a very surreal thing to think about. I remember when I hit 5000 downloads and I was just like, Oh my gosh, people listen to my podcast. Holy ship, this is amazing. Um, so I think is

[00:12:34] Stuart: After this show, it'll be 500003.

[00:12:38] Erick: There we go.

[00:12:39] Stuart: It's nice to be a little bit more than that, I think. Uh oh, okay, so you mentioned your podcasts and your podcast is called. Um it should have done that stoic coffee, right,

[00:12:53] Erick: that's where they can go to break

[00:12:54] Stuart: Stewart Coffee break, no, I should, I'll make another banner for that. That's

[00:12:59] Erick: all good. What, what

[00:13:00] Stuart: is stoic coffee and or stoic coffee break? What is that? Why? Why is it called that? Why isn't it just called chatty coffee break? Or I talk into a microphone? Coffee break. Why is it still like specifically?

[00:13:14] Erick: Um basically because and actually I'm gonna switch cameras here because that way I don't look like I'm just staring off into space um because I can put a camera right next to your face, which is where I'm looking and I think that looks a little bit better. They're young. So what, how it started out was it actually started out as a stoic. What was the, the stoic moment? Um I just created a podcast because I want to create a podcast. I've been journaling and a stoic journal that I bought. Um I think I bought it like a month before the new year's, this 2017 when I bought it and started the podcast in 2018 and I do a lot with music and stuff. And so for me, the idea of working in audio was was interesting and podcast sounded cool and all of that kind of stuff, but I was, that's when the insecurity and that anxiety struck, Like I would start a podcast, I would record one episode and go, oh this is terrible and I would never do anything with it. Um so then I found anchor this app where you can just record it on your phone and boom, you could create a podcast. I'm like, I can do that, then I don't, and I have all this amazing gear. I mean, I have probably about anywhere about $5,000 worth of audio gear and editing software and all of this stuff, because I love doing my music stuff and that's my that's my hobby. That's my thing where I load up on all the gear and don't use half of it, but you know how that goes, It's my toys. Um but I found it was overwhelming and I found that I just had this massive anxiety along with it. So, um, and I didn't know what to talk about because I wanted to talk about music, but then there I was like, oh, but then there's all the copyright issues and stressing out about it. So I was like, okay, let me just start a podcast. I will talk about stoicism, which I'm learning a lot about right now, and I think that might be something that I can just try out and see what happens

[00:15:03] Stuart: now stoicism if I'm not mistaken, you're not allowed to smile, isn't it? Like, isn't that what they practice on Vulcan? Isn't that the thing

[00:15:15] Erick: well, and that's the funny thing is that uh stoicism, you know the original definition, which just means somebody who follows stoic philosophy. Um but over time the term stoic has come to mean that somebody who, you know, seems very unemotional, and it's not that that a stoic is an emotional um in fact, they feel everybody feels what they feel. You can't help what you feel. It just it's you know, it's it's a it's just a way that our brain works. But the difference is is that a stoic really works hard to try and be responsive to something rather than being reactive to something. And when that's the case, they rather than it seems like they're not acting like everybody else that they're repressing those feelings because in a typical situation, somebody who is being reactive might be mad, might be aggressive, might try and, you know, hurt other people or whatever it is, react in a way that's much more reactive or aggressive or something like that, whereas a stoic will want to respond to something. And so there's that practice of that little bit of that time in between, like what's gonna be the better option and being able to kind of create a little bit of space in between. Here's where the stimulus comes in, here's where this thing happens, and here's how I want to respond and creating that space is really, really hard because we're hardwired to be very reactive and our society pushes that honest, you know, it's okay to just act out how you feel. Um so kind of a meandering explanation of

[00:16:58] Stuart: it. No, it's a good explanation. I and I think, I think that's the big thing is you give yourself the space to be able to process what it is that you want to react, how you want that to interaction to look as opposed to just letting the lizard brain take over with whatever lashing out that you're gonna be doing.

[00:17:20] Erick: Exactly. And that's the thing, is that acting that way? That's easy. I mean, that's that's a really easy thing to do, is just, you know, whatever you feel, just run with

[00:17:28] Stuart: that and we've all experienced it. We've driven

[00:17:31] Erick: Absolutely, yes, we've been in a car and just like somebody,

[00:17:34] Stuart: you know, how many Yeah. How many times have you wished death upon that person that just cut you off? Yeah, Yeah, reality. You should take a moment to

[00:17:42] Erick: remember. Uh one of my religious teachers really just a nice guy, very gentle, very, very sweet guy. But he talked about how one time he came into work and you know, he came in to teach and he was just like, as hard as I try, I still don't understand why when I'm driving, I'm not a very christ like person, somebody cuts me off and I'm like uh he's like, you know, and he came up and so we kind of made a joke about, he's like, my theory is is that we are spiritual eternal beings and were used to traveling at super high speed and so when somebody stops us from traveling in that super high speed, we get a little bit pissy about that. And I thought it was pretty funny. But um yeah, driving is definitely, it's one thing I've definitely had to work on as well because one thing I found for me and this is where stoicism really has come in handy and really has been something I've worked hard on is is that because I grew up in a society that was so repressive, so full of guilt, so full of shame, so full of you're not allowed to be, you, you have to follow this, this blueprint of what you're supposed to be and what your life is supposed to be like. You don't develop a very good sense of worth. You don't believe that you have value unless you are following this plan, which is one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to finally leave that. But in doing so and in in kind of adopting this philosophy and recognizing that those are all external influences and those are things that I don't have any control over and what I do have control over are my thoughts, my actions, my decisions, and the choices and things that I do and say and everything else. It's just stuff that's outside of my control and that was a place that I grew up in, where I didn't have a lot of control. And now I'm in a space in my life where I do have a significant amount of control and that's part of what I really try to impart into other people in my podcast. Is that the more you can understand the things you have control over, the more you can actually implement control over them and the happier your life is going to be one, because you will actually be more effective because you're working on things you can control and you're letting go of anything you can so you're not wasting your time on those things. And I think we spent a lot of time trying to control things that we can't, we try and control our past which when we're depressed about things that happened and we're upset about things that happen and we're ruminating on things that happened, we can't control that it happened. The only thing we could control on that is our interpretation of it. We can go, you know what my past was really city, but I learned a lot from it. Uh Yeah, you just reframe the whole thing that you have control over,

[00:20:42] Stuart: right? And I think that that is the thing that people need to take home with what stoicism is, is that you can do that reframing you can't take that moment. You don't have to I think media does a very good job of presenting um any sort of dramatic work is going to give us a good perception of what bad people, what what bad reactions people have, right? Because that's the entertainment and so that's what we get trained to do is we we've been trained through, like, like you mentioned with your dad, like that was my guess is he wasn't a stoic because he was probably reacting constantly and that's dramatic and that would be fun to watch. Not fun. Let me rephrase that. But that would be the thing that would be more entertaining to watch. What would be really boring is if what if the Avengers were stoic, right? Like it would be like, well let's take a moment and think this out, right? Do we really need to, you know, it's so not what we see as the model and that's the problem is I think we need to see more role models that are like that, but they're hard to find.

[00:21:55] Erick: And I would say Yeah, and I would say to me the two that I I definitely see kind of the different ends of stoicism, I mean obviously speak is considered it was model left the idea of stoic philosophy and stoicism and it was that, you know, using logic, pulling that in and analyzing it and then trying to make the best decision off of that and being in control of that. So I definitely, you know, that that's definitely the kind of the stereotype of it and but what I really liked was that within Star trek, they showed cracks in that and they had it. So there was a bit of play and flex on that. But then also if you look at the card Picard to me is actually much more what a stoic would really be like is because he definitely feels passionate about things and there are times where you can just see that I've got the ship and I want to blow you up because, but then,

[00:22:49] Stuart: and that's what he uses his Picard dad voice.

[00:22:52] Erick: Yes. You know it don't you do that? Yes, yes. When he steps up and he gets in his Picard, the commander. Um and he, so to me, I look at it is those are kind of the two different faces of stenosis and the one that, that is that, you know, pure logic and everything like that. But then speak had his moments where he was very emotional and, and I really liked the fact that as he got older, he understood that yes, it needs a little bit more play with that, not quite so tight and you know, again, they were also kind of stereotypes in a way and a lot of characters in that way, but I like the fact that over generations, they decided that hey, we should give spot a little more depth than that was fun.

[00:23:33] Stuart: Yeah, I actually like what they did. Yeah, I think, well, me too, so we could go down a rabbit hole, no power or a warp hole or wormhole or whatever it is. Um I actually like what they did with Zachary Quinto did with speech was because he is half human. You get to see that irrational half human part sneak out a couple of times. It's pretty good. Um Yeah, so how does one practice stoicism on a daily basis? And is it something that can become natural or is it something you still have to practice on it? And how long have you been? I'm gonna just keep throwing questions at me until I run out of air. How long have you considered yourself a stoic? And at what point does it stop becoming practice? And it starts becoming just a way of life.

[00:24:21] Erick: I don't know if it ever becomes just a way of life. I think it's always a practice. It's kind of like, it's kinda like when you do yoga, yoga is never considered a performance or yoga is never considered a thing, It is always yoga practice, that's what it's called. It's just a yoga practice and it's not just referring to when you go to a session and do it, your your whole way of doing yoga is a practice and that's just how they treat it that way. Um So I guess for me I just never really see it as something that becomes, becomes easy and and it's also because just like with everything you you improve on something and then you look ahead and go, oh man, yeah, I thought I came so far and I've still got so much Okay, well now that I have shored up this one thing, I've got, these you know other 1000 things that I definitely want to improve on and I think that, and I think that's, that's part of the, the appeal for me as well. Um and I'm gonna get a little bit of a weird esoteric thing here. But one of the things that the mormon Church believes is that when you die, you, you know, if you've been good and you do all the things you're supposed to, you go to the highest level of the kingdom of God and you are perfect. And honestly I found that absolutely terrifying. We're like, well why would you find that terrifying? I mean you're perfect, you get to go up to heaven and I'm like, heaven sounds boring. And oh my God, if I knew everything and there was nothing left to learn, there was nothing left to grow. That would be hell. That would be absolute hell for me because I would be so bored out of my mind because there would be nothing to do. There would be nothing that couldn't do. And I found it terrifying. And I think 14 15 when I, when I was like half, I remember specifically I was trying to fall asleep and I had that idea come in and then I couldn't fall asleep for like another four or five hours because This terrifying idea came and I said I was like 14:15 when that idea hit me and I was just like crap. But there's something wrong with me because I don't want that because it's it's

[00:26:36] Stuart: scary. Yeah, I mean, I think I heard someone say, I cannot think of the source, but it was like perfection is basically crumb lys lee eating nibbling on crackers and sipping tea. That would be perfection because you're not doing anything that could possibly go wrong. And it's like, yeah, that sounds really boring and but you couldn't make a mistake. And so like I yeah, that that concept of yeah, what's up, what else is really interesting about the mormon religion is they don't believe in hell, right? They believe in the lower they do.

[00:27:15] Erick: So they have, well they have the, they have the three levels of glory as they call it. Um and then they have Outer darkness is considered, they're considered healthy for them. Um and

[00:27:30] Stuart: which I know a lot of introverts where that sounds great. They're like, I'm in a dark room myself, I love is quiet. Yeah.

[00:27:42] Erick: And it's but um and the funny thing was is that a couple of, I think it was about a year or two ago. Um my girlfriend stumbled on a podcast that she just chose randomly because she liked the title. It was called the last podcast on the left and they did a whole like five or six part series on mormonism and I learned so much from that, there are things that I never knew about from joseph smith and Brigham Young, and I'm like, oh my God, these people were horrible, they were terrible people, and I'm like, joseph smith was a con man and just a child rapist, basically, I mean, to do sort, if you will, I mean just all kinds of ship that he did, and Brigham young was oh, he was even worse, I mean he makes Dick Cheney look like a saint, I mean, he was just terrible and I'm like learning all this stuff, I'm like, oh my God, how can people, you know, sanctify these people and treat them because

[00:28:35] Stuart: you just don't know about it, that's that's exactly how it happens, you don't know about it. So it's like, oh that that information doesn't exist until it exists, and then you're like, oh, now I got to reconcile it. Yeah,

[00:28:47] Erick: once I reached that point, I'm like, okay, I I can never go back, I can never join an organization. That is that is simply that built upon such a lie and refuses to face the truth. Yeah, so

[00:28:59] Stuart: yeah, so let's ask some practical questions about stoicism, I'm gonna throw out a hypothetical question to you, so let's say you've got, you're on some sort of social media, we'll just use twitter as an example and perhaps you start getting in a little bit of a twitter argument with someone of some fame, how does that, how does that go down for someone like you?

[00:29:31] Erick: Oh wow, Well,

[00:29:33] Stuart: totally hypothetical, this

[00:29:35] Erick: is totally not particularly, never happened, nobody famous, but I never talked to me, so yeah, now it would just, it wouldn't be anything, I'd just be like okay, yeah, cool, whatever, you know, hope you have a nice life, whatever um and be able to let it go, but at the time when this actually did happen to me um I was crushed it with that insecurity, that was that was that that I was talking about earlier, it was it was pretty brutal, so I was, What was that? It was probably about 2009 I think 2010. Um I like I said before, I was really big into cycling and I'm trying to get back into that some more and I just got back from a 50 mile ride and it was probably seven in the evening, so I'm a little bit tired, You know because 50 miles, it's a long way to go.

[00:30:31] Stuart: Yeah, I've never, I have never cycled 50 miles in my entire life,

[00:30:36] Erick: that was pretty, I mean at the time it was pretty normal for me, that was I would take a long, long way home from work and just be my ride. So um and weird al had posted a video on twitter where he was he was driving along and he got out of his car and he walked over to the sign and said, Children drive slow and he had some cardboard and he had an L. Y. And he it took some duct tape and tacked it onto it. And so I said, Children drive slowly. And so he turns around, he looks at the camera goes, come on people grammar and it gets back in his car and drives away and I thought it was hilarious. I was like okay, you know that that's great. And so I retweeted it and I wrote in you know, grammar nazis unite being silly like that and I misspelled grammar

[00:31:27] Stuart: on purpose or on accident

[00:31:29] Erick: on accident except I'm just like I and I sent that off and a few minutes later he responds in all caps with dashes between each letter

[00:31:43] Stuart: grammar

[00:31:44] Erick: spells it out correctly. So I misspelled it rather than a ri put er which is a very common mistake. Um and within how to know an hour, I think it was trending on twitter that night. I mean it was that big and so people were like commenting on it and retweeting it and all the stuff and at the time, like I said, I was still pretty insecure. I was absolutely embarrassed and I just, yeah, I remember getting all kinds of worked up on it and you know, and I commented back and just saying, well, I took it back from a bike ride and I'm making all these excuses and everything and I was just like, and I even like, you know, suspended my profile for a little bit and somebody, they were commenting on that Loki, he's scared, he's running away. And I was just like, and I mentioned it to a woman I was dating at the time, um I think a day or two later, and she's like, well, why did that bother you? And I'm like, well, you know, I was embarrassing and she's like, why you're never gonna meet weird al or chances are you probably never will. I mean, although you could use that if you had used it to your advantage and maybe met him and you could say, ah you mocked me, you owe me lunch or something like that, you know? Um but you know, in talking through it, you know, I recognize that that somebody questioning my intelligence, questioning my my abilities was incredibly damaging because that low self esteem and I was insecurities and it's something I still struggle with today when somebody treats me as if I'm stupid or you know, that I don't understand something that's that's one of those things where I have to be very conscientious that I can get really worked up because to me it feels like somebody trying to kind of put me down or something like that. And so, and I know that's that's a weakness in my my armor and it's something that I'm pretty aware of and it causes arguments with with friends and people close to me because of that insecurity and it's something I've had to really work on and it's much better than it was for sure. But it's still, yeah, that's one of

[00:33:41] Stuart: my you've had over a decade now to kind of process this. What would you reply back to Weird Al now,

[00:33:49] Erick: I would probably, I, you know, I hadn't even thought about what a good response would be. I mean, I probably at this point I'd probably make some kind of joke about it, you know, or I would respond with hysterical laughter or something like that, you know, just saying, you know, being able to laugh at myself about that because, you know, we all do those things, but because but because this is where it comes back to the mentality, you're so worried about winning, that any kind of mistake is absolute failure and in that case that was a mistake. And so because Weird Al didn't give me accolades or kudos or whatever, you know, I failed, and so therefore I was a failure. And so I took this big personal thing and that took me a while to kind of work through and it, you know, some people are just like really that bothered you. But

[00:34:40] Stuart: yeah, but I mean you think about that, that's public, like people are seeing it. Uh and of course it's the pile on. Like we're not kind on social media, people are going to pile on. I mean as silly as Kofi fee was and it was funny, but like it, someone made a joke on late night recently about it and it's like, wow, like letting looks like we can have our moment and then let's move it on. Let's

[00:35:08] Erick: keep pushing forward. That's, and that's a, that's a tough spot because as I've been watching, um, comedians in cars, getting coffee, I'll catch up on episodes of that and every now and then, um, and watching the comedic process and how comedians kind of decide what to work on and so on and why we need comedians. I'm kind of, for me, I'm a little bit ambivalent on that. I think that we need to, I think comedians are like, I mean they really are the court gestures. They're the ones who point out the truth, the truthiness of society. And so I'm not going to worry too much about something like that, especially from, from somebody who is such a bully as our former president was. Um, I have absolutely no love for him. I know what those points where those points where I'm not very stoic where you know a thing about him, but

[00:36:03] Stuart: Oh, absolutely, 100%. I just thought it was really interesting that the joke about this tweet that was 10 years ago. It's like, Okay, well let's find something else because there's lots of other material, like we could probably move on from that.

[00:36:18] Erick: Yeah, I always thought it was funny. I did think it was funny. I always said uh it was a wink oh, one day and I saw these, these things and they were called tough eh. So I turned around and said I can have some tough of a with mike off of a

[00:36:31] Stuart: there we are, that's pretty great. Actually, just real quick. I do online dating and I was on Tinder and I saw somebody that I dated once before and I always swipe right whenever I see somebody I know maybe a policy I shouldn't be doing because this person was one of the few people that just straight up hated me. Like I didn't realize how much this person hated me but like hurting me a lot And gave me a good two pages of really vile thing, I won't even tell you what was written in there. Okay, so of course I'm looking at it and I've read it and I've read it twice and I've read it three times and I'm like, I've typed out a response, I've erased it, I've typed out another response, I've erased it, I'm going to type out a third and I think every one of them is like, this one's better, this one's better, this one's better. And finally I was like the kind because one of the things she said was, if I ever see you driving walking down the road, I will swerve to hit you and I was like, oh well that's not good because if I get hit by a car you're in a lot of trouble because people are going to know. So I figured out what the kind thing to do was unmatched and I felt really good about that. I thought that that was like that was the stoic move. That was the process that I didn't need to add any insult to injury. I didn't need to do anything like that. Um but what's great about that is I have told that story many times now. I got something out of it, I learned.

[00:38:08] Erick: Yeah, yeah. And that is, that is definitely a hard thing. Um back when I was, I was dating a for my current partner, there were, there were times when, yeah, I got some kind of like not so stellar emails from people who were piste off about something I had done or said on a date, you know, not anything where I was being, being purposely malevolent or anything like that, but just as humans were clueless about, we don't, we don't know what we don't know and oftentimes we, our view of the world doesn't really mesh with somebody else's view of the world and what they think of us and what we think of us can be two totally different things and which is again a stoic thing which is understanding that, that there's no real facts, Everything is opinion and that's something that Marcus really is set and a lot of people are like, oh, so that means everything is relative. It's like, well no, I mean there are truly physical facts for sure, but your perception of those things is always just your opinion about what you think it is. So yes, there could be a rock falling from the sky and that's a fact. But your perception of it and what it is can shift and shift and shift when you first see it coming, you just think it might be a feather as it gets a little bit closer, like wow, that's a little bit larger than a feather. Maybe it's a goose that's you know, got hit by an airplane or something. Oh maybe it's a piece of you, you could go on and on and on and until you actually see what it is, it's just your perspective on it. Until you have something that's much, much closer to verifiable. And even at that point you may look at it and think it's Iraq, but it might be something that's really not, but it just looks like that to you for example.

[00:39:53] Stuart: So yeah, yeah, so watch out for falling rocks. Like if you see something falling towards you don't consider it's a feather, it might be rock. Um well eric, it has been about a half hour, there's been a delightful conversation, but now it is time to record a sketch. One thing that I can say is absolutely a fact and not an opinion, podcasting is hard and costly. So if you would like to participate in this podcast, please head over to Patreon dot com slash sketch com pod and maybe throw a couple shekels towards the show. $1 a month is all I ask. I got that idea from eric eric. What are other ways that people can get in touch with you or learn more about stoicism? So

[00:40:45] Erick: I'm guess I'm feel incredibly awkward about it just

[00:40:49] Stuart: because No, no, no, no. I know it's a super awkward situation. You did fantastic because that's I think that's perfect. I think that all of that's going to cut together so incredibly well. I appreciate it. Um Yeah, you'd be surprised. It's the third person in these is the editing and it's kind of insane how sometimes it just cuts together. So that was that one I think is going to be really funny eric, can you tell everybody where they can find you and find out more about stoicism and maybe a book that you would suggest or something along those lines.

[00:41:25] Erick: Sure.

[00:41:27] Stuart: Or a storefront that they can go to to get cool ship.

[00:41:31] Erick: Yes. Actually, I just, excuse me and go to my website which is still a coffee. You can find more episodes of my podcast there. I just opened up a shop about two weeks ago with some kind of cool swag from stuff I've designed or stoic dot coffee slash shop is is the new shop, there's some really fun t shirts and other designs on there. The book that kind of got me into the whole process was one called The Art of stoic Joy by William Irvine.

[00:41:59] Stuart: Thanks for the book suggestion. There's a link for that in the show notes and one other thing I would suggest is definitely head over to stoic dot coffee and sign up for eric's Patreon page. It's fantastic. You're supporting a show and you're going to get something back. And that is a great newsletter that you get for every episode and now our sketch Avengers stoic action plan with eric Cloward in three two Avengers assemble Avengers. We need to get into there and stop dr Doom from taking over this nuclear power plant. Hawkeye. What do you got? Do we just get in there? Do we take action? I

[00:42:43] Erick: have these arrows that you know, were graded like being anti nuclear, but then it really made me think about it like what is, what is Doctor Doom really after? I mean, what if he needs this nuclear power to you know, to help other worlds? We need to understand his motivation behind these things and is it just our perception that he's evil? I mean what if he's really not evil? What if what if it's just our perception that he's evil? Are we trying to control things? We can't because that's that's really the kind of talking to

[00:43:11] Stuart: you got to watch out for the mutants behind you, thor what can you tell us about stopping Doctor Doom?

[00:43:18] Erick: I would just run in there and you know, and just start beating things up. But after after reading Marcus Aurelius, he was the emperor and this guy was the most powerful man of his day. It really made me stop and think, why are these people evil? What makes them evil is just our perception that they're evil? No, no, maybe it's

[00:43:36] Stuart: not, thor can't you just take more linear and smash some stuff,

[00:43:40] Erick: but that would just be reactive. I mean, what's the best response in this case? I mean, you know, just going in and smashing things. I mean, it seems a little wasteful, don't you? It seems very un thoughtful. I'm kind of rethinking this whole, you know, God of Thunder thing. I mean, I think I'd rather be like, you know, God of the rain or something, a little something, a little more zen, I think would be, you know, a little bit, a little bit more my speed as I get older,

[00:44:04] Stuart: how I'm really counting on you? We need some action hulk, What are you going to do right now and then smash when's the smashing happening, Black Widow? Please tell me you've got something to add to this?

[00:44:23] Erick: Well, I mean, everything falls on me to, you know, to take care of this because, you know, the boys kind of get stuck in their thinking and

[00:44:29] Stuart: okay,

[00:44:32] Erick: I've chosen my response. So now I can go out there and I can take care

[00:44:35] Stuart: of Doctor Doom because it's a good response

[00:44:37] Erick: and it's

[00:44:38] Stuart: but it's something that I've

[00:44:39] Erick: waited and I've thought about and you've considered all the pros and cons to go along with it. I think that we can come to a consensus about this and you know, but as long as we're keeping our cruel about this thing and not overreacting in every situation. Mhm.

[00:45:06] Stuart: We have got to stop with this Avengers, stoic book club. Thank you so much for listening to sketch comedy podcast show. We hope that you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it. Please head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com to check out more episodes and other nifty things and even apply to be on the show. If you think you're interesting sketch comedy podcast show is protected under creative commons attribution, non derivative 4.0 international license. What does that mean? Hey, just contact us if you want to reproduce anything here so I can get you the right audio file for it until next time. Get out there, be safe and improvise a comedy adventure of your own

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE
When you think of a doctor, perhaps you imagine a white lab coat, glasses, a stethoscope around their neck and an insatiable sexual appetite. Maybe that has to do with the fact that most of my impressions of doctors come from “Grey’s Anatomy” and this episode’s guest.
Dr. Sean Horan is a self-proclaimed sex geek and is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland, OR. When he isn’t being a talented doctor, he is designing sex toys and lubricants and running classes on how to keep whips medically clean so the world can be a safer place.
We have a great discussion on his journey from a nice, Italian boy headed to seminary to a raucous life as a swinging, sexy doctor! We also talk lube. Lots and lots of lube.
This episode’s sketch: “Father, I Think I Have Sinned”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST
Dr. Sean Horan is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland, OR who is actively seeing patients and helping them with their day to day healthcare needs by the day, and by night he is a sex-positive advocate, educator, and practitioner. 
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TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode, Dr Sean Haran and I came up with a few sketch ideas. I love the doctor sparkle, fingers

[00:00:09] Dr. Sean: crosses

[00:00:10] Stuart: the sex positive priest

[00:00:13] Dr. Sean: in confession.

[00:00:15] Stuart: The East Coast italian guy trying to teach a consent

[00:00:19] Dr. Sean: class.

[00:00:22] Stuart: Which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show, the one of a kind show where I Stewart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet when you think of a doctor, perhaps you imagine a white lab coat glasses, a stethoscope around their neck and an insatiable sexual appetite. Well, maybe that has to do with the fact that most of my impressions of doctors come from Grey's anatomy and this episode's guest, Dr Sean Horan is a self proclaimed sex geek and is a naturopathic primary care physician in Portland Oregon. When he isn't being a talented doctor, he is designing sex toys and lubricants and running classes on how to keep whips medically clean so the world can be a safer place. We have a great discussion on his journey from a nice italian boy headed to seminary to a raucous life as a swinging sexy doctor. We also talk lube. Lots and lots of lube and now my conversation with dr Sean Horan? Primary care physician with magic sparkle fingers. Dr Sean dr heron Heron Heron. How do I say Horan? I had none of that. Right. Mhm I got a question for you.

[00:02:01] Dr. Sean: Okay,

[00:02:02] Stuart: what makes you interesting?

[00:02:05] Dr. Sean: You would think I'd have a canned answer for this

[00:02:07] Stuart: question. Yeah, I would think you would have it. You've got a couple of things that I know

[00:02:11] Dr. Sean: your I I honestly think I'm predictably unpredictable, which is probably makes me very interesting. I have very specific, clear direct boundaries, but I'm also queer and strange in all the ways that don't seem to conform. So it's kind of a weirdness, even operating parameters.

[00:02:31] Stuart: Sure. Do you have any examples of that?

[00:02:34] Dr. Sean: Um Well I'm a doctor but I'm queer and I have Rainbow classes and I have a strange presentation for personality that goes along with that. Um I I am a doctor but I'm in sex positive communities and I'm open on the internet about my different things in that realm, which is not usually a common thing, a lot of people live in fear around that instead of just living their truth in that regard. And um it definitely leads to some professional, I have to be considered, for example when I go in certain environments that there might be patients there and whatnot, but it always keeps life very interesting. Nonetheless. That could I can

[00:03:18] Stuart: imagine. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever gone in to see a doctor and you're like a primary care physician. Right?

[00:03:25] Dr. Sean: Yeah, I'm a naturopathic physician and I serve as a primary care provider at a women's health clinic on hawthorne in Portland.

[00:03:32] Stuart: Okay. Um Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a doctor or had a doctor or been to a visit and they came in with rainbow glasses. That's true, That is a true statement. I've never experienced that, although I don't think, but that might just be me, uh that wouldn't shock me too much, especially living where I live and it wouldn't be too bad, but have you had a bad experience with that?

[00:03:54] Dr. Sean: Um I've had some older people um that I've had some older people that think it's fantastic and then I've had other other people that I wish my nails were painted and it's like you're going to get a prostate exam from sparkle fingers because you're so closed minded type of thing. But um it's actually, I think more um the reason I like to, I mean I don't have rainbow hair and at least keeping my hair the way it is, but I'm wearing a mask and I started my job the day that shelter in place went into effect last year and most of my patients have not seen my face if they've seen me in person. Um Well none of the people that have seen me in person have seen my face, they only get to see me if we do telehealth, so I uh kind of have to have my glasses and uh speak for me and just uh a moat for me at the same time because it's like, hey you're here for a pap smear we've never met before and you can't see me a moat. So.

[00:04:52] Stuart: Right. Yeah. Yeah I think I would imagine uh it would actually be pretty comforting especially if you like doing well like your primary care provider. Um But you you don't just stop there right like you you go a little bit beyond that if I'm not mistaken,

[00:05:12] Dr. Sean: about half my practice is um is mental health med management, which was not necessarily expected when I first started out, but it's something that I really enjoy doing. It's something that um we're really good about mental health coverage in Oregon with the Oregon health plan and other insurance providers, but trying to get in to see a psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse practitioner um or a counselor for that matter is a really really long waiting list often times. Um And a lot of mental health has been pushed into primary care anyways because depression, anxiety. Um PTSD other concerns are so kind of diffuse in the population that everybody that's in primary care is facing that every single day. Um But what I'm really passionate about outside of just never knowing what the heck is going to walk in my door is teaching classes on sexual health and wellness topics, consent. My B. D. S. M. Fluids and safety class is probably my favorite one to teach because I get the most left field questions that I've ever heard in my entire life. And yet there's always an answer to it in terms of risk reduction or how to manage the particular instances. So it's uh, some

[00:06:26] Stuart: of those questions. Yeah, yeah. Let's hear some of those questions like this is the thing. Like I think people don't realize that there are answers to those questions and they just don't ask them. So yeah, what's an example of, of some of that? How do you get blood out of a whip? Things like that, like I don't know.

[00:06:46] Dr. Sean: Um, the question that comes up most often related to whips is more usually people want to know how long hepatitis C lasts on surfaces and whips because they're leather and leather is the hardest product to clean. People always want to know how to clean leather and it's like leaving it on the sunlight essentially for weeks to actually ensure there's nothing alive on it. But realistically using it on one person is the best thing for, for leather. But um, I had honestly, at least in terms of the question that I thought was most interesting of all because I had to take a deep breath and answering it. So I didn't step in shit and run of 50 women was a guy asked me like one out of every four women I go down on like they smell and like how am I supposed to tell them that and just was like, how do you answer this question without looking like an asshole in the process and I responded that normal was no order at all through beef jerky and this lesbian woman in the back was hooting and hollering at the beef jerky because she knew exactly what I meant about menstrual sense and everything related to that. But um, I just went into how person needed to be um if it's somebody who dated for a long time and you know what they smell like and their owners changed. Like definitely tell them you should have a report that created already. Like, hey, I noticed that something is a little different. Maybe you see your doctor, if it's somebody you just met, you should have zero comments on that whatsoever because you may just not like the way that they smell and you should probably get smacked in the face for saying something. Um but all different kinds of, I don't know how vulgar your show gets, but there's all different kinds of things that I've been asked.

[00:08:32] Stuart: Yeah, go for it. Like wheels off, go for it. Like

[00:08:37] Dr. Sean: p play comes up a lot. One of my favorite jokes is the fact that it happens to be something I'm, I am interested in. But um, I always happen to forget and eat asparagus before. It's like the right moment to do that and of course it's the wrong time to do it. So we go through a list of like foods you should probably not eat and like just hydration and electrolytes and things like that.

[00:09:02] Stuart: People

[00:09:03] Dr. Sean: can get

[00:09:04] Stuart: around pretty

[00:09:05] Dr. Sean: much people like that. I I would prefer just water with electrolytes. Gatorade's a lot of sugar and not enough electrolytes, but um good after a run perhaps. But um yeah, people are into some really weird shit. I figured out as uh I've been teaching my class is more and more and I thought I was, and then I'm like, oh, I never even thought you could do this with that and like, but that's how you'd have to be safe about it.

[00:09:31] Stuart: So it's like,

[00:09:33] Dr. Sean: you're, oh, sorry,

[00:09:34] Stuart: go ahead, go ahead. No, no,

[00:09:35] Dr. Sean: go ahead. I'm going to say it's like a weird application of knowledge because like, none of us in, in any sort of medical training program really get enough education on a number of topics and human sexuality honestly is one of them. And it's something that literally almost all of us engaged in some way or another. Um You think that it would be a little uh I put my patients on the spot every day with very direct questions about behaviors so that I can like, no medically what to do for them, but nobody teaches you how to have those conversations and most people have shame around answering it. So it's uh it's an interesting thing to navigate, but having having,

[00:10:16] Stuart: but do you think having, like the rainbow and and being a little bit more less doctoring in there in your presentation allows people to to kind of open up about that stuff.

[00:10:29] Dr. Sean: I mean I would I would hope so. I I'm usually like if I'm asking a question like which sites of contact a person has, I'm also specifying like this is so I know where to swab because most doctors are not going to do the appropriate testing unless I know who put what where. Um And I think that qualifying it with why the questions being asked, especially if it seems like out of left field and I'm just going through persons like annual exam and they're 35 they've never been S T. I tested before and the doctor has never asked in this before. It seems like why would he be asking me about this information? And it turns out it's kind of critical for health screening

[00:11:11] Stuart: understood. Um And why why is it that we don't why obviously I have my own opinions about this, but why do you think that that is such a difficult conversation to have with our doctors? Like that is exactly the type of thing we should be going to doctors with is when things go awry. But I feel like that's that people usually had to read it for, you know, they'll look it up on google but instead of talking to their doctor, go

[00:11:40] Dr. Sean: ahead, go was going to say, I think a lot of times for people. Um I've been shamed at planned parenthood for my sexual Proclivities like, and that's supposed to be one of the most sex positive places to go for healthcare information. Um I donate to planned parenthood, planned parenthood. This wonderful work. That's not to discount any of the good that they do have. Just personally had an emotionally negative experience there one time as a patient and I feel like a lot of us have had those experiences with providers where it's we wanted to talk about sex or drugs or another huge taboo for doctors is talking about suicidal thoughts. Um nobody wants to talk about that and that's exactly who you should be going to talk to her about that concern. Um but I think a lot of people don't feel necessarily safe in having those conversations, but their provider of any kind. But my primary care doctor definitely at least from the vibe that I've gotten has no idea about about anything in that realm of life, at least to the degree that I do. So it might for a lot of people be a one of my partners physicians is a very christian woman from texas. So like everybody's got a different perspective in terms of how they provide their health care and

[00:12:59] Stuart: you just wait, you're just waiting for marriage now, right, honey, you just wait for marriage

[00:13:04] Dr. Sean: pretty much or don't have sex for six months and see if the problem goes away when that's not a legitimate solution for anybody, But true story of suggestions that person made at one point. But yeah, I think just feeling safe and having those conversations um and having somebody that's creating that space that is safe to have those conversations and is important. And um I wish it was something we were teaching and I wish I had learned this before my health care training and like learned this in like high school how to have these kind of human interactions with people. But um I definitely think we should be teaching better for anybody that's going into the health care field specifically.

[00:13:46] Stuart: Yeah, I have, I do have a story real quick. I went I was getting an SD I check and I was a new doctor that I was seeing new PCP I was seeing. And uh I had to fill out a survey ahead of time and it asked me how many um partners have you had in the last three years? And I was like, oh, um I put down a conservative number because I was like I you know, that seems like a reasonable number. Uh when I went in to go talk with her, she was like, okay, oh my, so you've had you've been busy and I was like, yeah, I guess. And she goes, oh okay, well she was telling me about this drug that helps block HIV and I was like that's amazing. I didn't even know that was a thing. And she goes, yeah. And I was like that's got to be really expensive. And she was like, well it depends. Um sometimes it gets covered by insurance. And I was like really? That's kind of amazing. And she goes, yeah, I just have a couple questions to ask you. It's like sure. She goes, so when you have sex, do you prefer it anally or order orally vaginally?

[00:14:59] Dr. Sean: She just

[00:15:02] Stuart: assumed she just assumed that I was gay because right. So yeah, I feel like those, these are good examples of, hey, let's have some training on this, let's let's have these conversations. And it would be really cool if if we could have uh people feel very safe going to their doctors. But I guess that's the same way with anything right lawyers or anything like that they're outside of of where they're at can affect it.

[00:15:31] Dr. Sean: The question that you got asked is actually a question that I hate when people ask, I've answered providers straight up just to see their reaction when they asked me how many partners I've had in the past 12 months because it's like can you handle this piece of information? But also it's not relevant. It's not medically relevant. I need to know if you've had one partner or more than one partner and who put what where um specifically like don't even care about their gender identities in terms of asking about the data that I'm asking for. It literally just behavior based testing. And by doing that, it removes any of the like higher level judgement stuff. It's like, oh you receive here and you give their therefore like we're gonna do swap testing here and then syphilis and HIV and call it a day. The only thing that helps me know if you've had X amount of partners in the last year is that you have the diagnosis code of high risk, bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual behaviors, which I'm going to use the same diagnosis code whether or not you've had sex with two people or 50 people. I am glad that at least the conversation about came up because a third. Um it's either a third or two thirds. I think a third of primary care providers don't know that prep the medication to prevent HIV transmission even exists and don't prescribe it to their patients. Um And we have this thing that like for a group of our patients, this is a very indicated supportive option for the prevention of a um an illness that are viral infection that we even a few decades ago was killing people all over the world. So, um so another reason people don't go to their doctors. They don't know about the things uh like this,

[00:17:20] Stuart: right? Yeah, it was mind blowing to me. I was I was actually excited to hear that that existed. I had no idea. So it's it's that information doesn't get to, you know, normal people like myself.

[00:17:32] Dr. Sean: Um $1600 a month.

[00:17:36] Stuart: That's not cheap.

[00:17:37] Dr. Sean: That's for the generic too. I think the new version of the generic. Yeah.

[00:17:43] Stuart: All right. So if you uh if you're in that high risk area and all of those types of things just be aware, stop smoking. Use that money towards the medication.

[00:17:54] Dr. Sean: It's covered by insurance thankfully. And there are programs nationwide for lower income individuals to access it. So it's moderately accessible even though it's prohibitively expensive.

[00:18:07] Stuart: Um What is the what is the big concern people have that shouldn't be a concern. Is there anything that's like people get really freaked out about? And it's not necessarily something that they should be freaked out about.

[00:18:20] Dr. Sean: I'm trying to think if there's one thing that's most common in that regard. I think honestly it's like something's been there less than 48 hours and they think that it's like severe cancer or they're dying and it's like I wouldn't even go to my doctor unless something was there for seven days or more and it's not getting better at that point. Um For at least something mine early acute but I also have more health care knowledge and first acknowledged, but I don't know that there's a specific one that people are. I mean Covid has been the biggest concern for a lot of people and there's a ton of misinformation around that that I've had to like navigate or changing information that I had to navigate with people over the course of a year. But um yeah, I don't think there's like one overarching concern that my entire patient group or even a proportion of them have specifically.

[00:19:12] Stuart: Okay, all right. Before you became a doctor, was there anything else that you were uh you were interested in doing

[00:19:19] Dr. Sean: so? Before I went to a N. U. N. M. In Portland for a naturopathic medical school, I was at Albany Medical College in new york where I studied biomedical ethics and my focus was on reproductive health law and health policy around that. Um and specifically did research about personhood amendments, but as a stepping stone further back, um I have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and religious studies because I was considering being a catholic priest for quite a long time, which is a very different, very different realm of life that I'm in currently, but uh medical ethics is kind of the perfect Bridgepoint between philosophy and religious studies and then healthcare practice and clinical practice um more recently. But yeah, I grew up in Hartford Connecticut and an irish and italian catholic family and you either become a politician or a priest or a police officer. And the other three of the other ones don't really apply to me or appeal to me and I was an altar server and just very involved in church as a young kid, I was also the kid in church that was like if God didn't create the sons for the third day, how did he count the first two days, because already already had already, like, certain things didn't make sense, but

[00:20:38] Stuart: yeah,

[00:20:39] Dr. Sean: I went to a catholic college and I honestly wasn't so much a believer at that point, I haven't really been a believer in God since my teenage years, but the concept of community service and service to the people around me um which more was still appealing at that point, I was like, well I can study philosophy and different world religions in the process and then just realize definitely not the right course for me, also, girls in college were too much of a temptation to ever have ever have given a vow of celibacy was not going to happen,

[00:21:17] Stuart: was that was that was that one of the big turning points was it was like, I'm never going to experience that, like, is that, was that a thing?

[00:21:26] Dr. Sean: Well, I was already experiencing it, which was problematic for different reasons because because, you know, it's a horrible sin and the narcissist in the sky gives a shit if you touch them, they also genitals, right? Um so, um no, but I found myself at one point like crafting because there are ways that catholic priests can be married, but they're like, loopholes and canon law, and I, like, found myself trying to figure out how can I do both. Um but yeah, definitely not catholic anymore, and definitely culturally catholic, just because of socialization, but uh, not a believer anymore. The catholic nuns and priests taught me so well that I got out of the uh, the mind control system, so to speak, definitely not, so to speak, definitely the mind control system.

[00:22:17] Stuart: Well, I think we all benefit from that. So I want to go back and thank all of those priests and nuns for do just that. Um, any side projects you're working on,

[00:22:28] Dr. Sean: I am working on some content for classes and trying to get those out on zoom because in person still not happening and uh, It's not the same doing things on the Internet, but I would like to at least have some of my classes and some of the questions that I get asked most commonly like primary care questions, I want to do a class just where people can click on it and be like, Oh, there's the answer to my really common questions already answered. Um, so I don't get 50 Facebook messages a day about very basic things that somebody could have typed into Google. But I'm also working on a personal lubricant called dr Sean snake oil because I'm a natural path and people would accuse naturopathic physicians of selling snake oil, I provide primary care. So I wouldn't necessarily go down that route, but I figure if it's going to be a criticism levied at me and I can make a sexual joke out of it and serve my community at the same time, I'm just going to go with it. Um And it's specifically um many of the silicone lives that are coming out now or that have come out in the last few years are three or four ingredients of silicone and then vitamin E. Um and the vitamin E makes it look fancy in terms of like its antioxidant effects but it's made from soy and a lot of people are actually sensitive to soy and it can cause irritation. So I'm working on just a multi silicone hypoallergenic one because um I would want a loop that I can use with my partners and not have to worry about BV or yeast infections and Also be able to like buy it and not spend $30 for a tiny glass bottle that I have now dropped four times on the floor of sanctuary and smashed um smashed you Borloo models on the

[00:24:17] Stuart: concrete. Things like things are going all over the place, you put it on the counter or wherever bad spot you put it and it gets knocked over

[00:24:25] Dr. Sean: glass and silicone do not go together. It's like waiting to be dropped.

[00:24:31] Stuart: Yeah like a water

[00:24:32] Dr. Sean: weenie.

[00:24:33] Stuart: So in your packaging, what you should do is you should have it ribbed so that people can have a

[00:24:40] Dr. Sean: nice crib. I've actually that's that's brilliant. I haven't thought about the ribbing. Um The bottle of contour is actually something that I have been working for like samples with different companies because they have uh the one I kind of like right now is that um it's almost like a tux, I think it's called the tuxedo bottle where it's kind of like two curves and then flat at the top and flat at the bottom. You have like a grip around or um and there's so many different bottle shapes that I learning about plastics in this process has been hilariously entertaining because there's just, it's it's own entire world of things that I did not know existed, but better than putting things in a glass bottle for sure.

[00:25:23] Stuart: Well yeah, but the glass bottles so fancy, like, I think that's what what happens is that just like, oh this is high end. So we got to put it in this plant in this glass bottle. But the practical is, you know, don't put a cork put like one of those things like the dishwasher soap, right? Like you could just squeeze it out or a pump like that. That makes more sense to me than anything else. But what am I, I'm just the end user, What do

[00:25:48] Dr. Sean: I know that's the people that should be giving me that. It will send you, I will send you a free sample as a trial. What I'm doing product testing and you can let

[00:25:58] Stuart: let you know how it goes, how many of those bottles I have broken. Hopefully not. Um Tell our, so you're pretty open about being polyamorous, right? This is no, this is not gonna be a shock to anybody that you know or

[00:26:16] Dr. Sean: no. My mother met all of my partners at my med school graduation and uh all at once and I've never met them before. I am out in every in my professional communities in my personal life. Not that it's always relevant to talk about, but I am not sure not an area of life. I feel the need to hide.

[00:26:35] Stuart: I think that's the way it should be. So All right, So this is your catholic mom.

[00:26:41] Dr. Sean: Yes.

[00:26:42] Stuart: Yes, yes. Got to me. How many

[00:26:44] Dr. Sean: also a registered republican but trump was an asshole and did not vote for him and but still registered as a Republican. She met seven partners, lovers, friends, intimate friends at my med school graduation, not all of whom were cis gendered and um some of whom were married to women and got to learn all about different relational dynamics all at once very quickly. Um And she was so goddamn impressed by like openness and communication and how we all interacted with one another and how it just seemed very familial um that she had nothing but praise and adulation around it. Quite frankly. It was kind of mind blowing to her, I think in a really positive way. Um She and I also watched Big Love together on HBO years and years ago, which was kind of like my first introduction at all to anything of open relationships. Um Not that the mormons are the standard by which I should get measuring myself, but she at least had some familiarity with the concept that not everybody is in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. And I think just having examples that I could point to from that show about this emotional difficulty or that emotional difficulty kind of gave a frame of reference that we could share conversation about it.

[00:28:11] Stuart: So, I I agree. Uh Being in an open relationship is absolutely the most honest relationship I've ever been in. It's so great because you can talk about anything and it's a okay. Um Maybe not all the actions are a Ok, but at least the conversation usually ends up all right, we can at least talk through this or figure out all that stuff. What have you found is is a difficulty. What is something that people uh because I think people um are freaked out about poly relationships. What is a bad situation that you've personally had? You don't have these names or anything like that. But like is there anything that you have that like worst case scenario in those cases?

[00:29:02] Dr. Sean: Well, I'm not perfect at Pelly and right, I just want to point that out like there and I've started off my consent classes by like please do not put me on a pedestal because I happen to be the person on this side of the group and think that I've been perfect about this forever because like socialized as a white guy on the East coast like learning and growing all the time. Um I think um one of the bigger difficulties or conceptual difficulties is cheating in polyamory because like oh you have an open relationship, you can't cheat and you totally can and it's just a it's the violation of the the open agreement that you happen to have with that person that constitutes cheating, not the fact that you're sleeping with their spending time with somebody else. Honestly, I think we all come to, I have been processing a lot of this over the pandemic as my relationships have changed or ended and just the baggage that we bring to relationships are like expectations that have fermented since childhood about what relationships are supposed to be but then you add multiple relations dynamics on top of it at the same time and different emotional triggers can activate all different kinds of things. So it can be easy to either use the relationships to numb out quite frankly and not have to address emotional things. Or they can be one of the best things for pointing out what those triggers in that package is and how to heal that and clean

[00:30:28] Stuart: that.

[00:30:29] Dr. Sean: Just don't don't lie in a poly relationship is like like like the best example and don't don't I mean I am a big fan of not lying because then you have to remember it for the rest of time. You can also you can also obvious get details to like create a certain story in a certain way that you didn't technically lie. And that's not healthy or direct communication. That I think is one of the things where context specifically, I can think of this as if you're concerned about the other person's feelings, um, turns out you might actually be concerned about your ability to deal with the other person's feelings and disclosing it. But out of concern for the other person's feelings, you might detail something much differently than you might otherwise can be very harmful to think over time.

[00:31:16] Stuart: It was only slightly bigger.

[00:31:18] Dr. Sean: Uh,

[00:31:23] Stuart: one of the things I get asked personally is uh like, don't you get jealous? And it's like, oh yeah, yeah, jealousy is a big part of it. And it's how you handle that jealousy. That I think that's what really changes when you start to realize like when you're on the receiving end and also you realize you're creating jealousy situations. It's like, oh, we can navigate this much better. I I just I absolutely love poly relationships. I could have. We could have done the entire show just talking about those. But

[00:31:54] Dr. Sean: the question I get asked most often by people that are monogamous are aren't you afraid so? And so is going to find somebody better and leave you. And my response is usually no, that's your insecurity because that's like the fundamental insecurity for a lot of people that are in monogamous relationships. It still comes up in poly, but in different ways. And I often, at least for me, the easiest way to like jealousy, I think it's a very normal thing, but how we act or allow it to uh control us is not necessarily the healthy thing, but I had something come up a few weeks ago where I was like, it took about 30 seconds to process it, but I'm like, you were just doing this with a different girl last week and like, she was totally okay with it. Why does it matter that she's doing the exact same thing with a different guy? Like, like um and most of the time I don't even communicate my jealousies anymore because they're with very rare exceptions about maybe intention or communication could have been a little better most of the time, it's my own bullshit that I have to deal with and it's not even for them to know that I'm processing that necessarily because it's it's my work to do. So that's kind of what I meant in terms of the whole cleaning process to it helps you get rid of those entanglements or attachments or expectations around relationships that were supposed to exist and kind of, I'm a relationship anarchist in addition to being poly, which means something different to everybody, but like I live alone, I get polly people. And I kind of have each relationship go where it's supposed to go for its own ends rather than having like one predominant relationship with hierarchy above others. But yeah, uh I forgot what the original threat of what I was talking about was. But

[00:33:38] Stuart: I think you're I think you're onto something. The other thing is for me, it's like if you truly love somebody don't, you want them to be with the best person possible and if that other person is a better match, then why would I be, why do I want to be the second in that situation? Right. I don't want I don't want them pining for somebody else and then settling for me,

[00:34:03] Dr. Sean: terrible.

[00:34:04] Stuart: I want to be the person they're pining for. This is fantastic. Uh We may have to have another conversation about at some point about just poly relationships. Maybe we can get a couple of people that we know

[00:34:15] Dr. Sean: we'll talk about it. You have a very interesting personalities. If you've got some people that right now and I'm

[00:34:21] Stuart: trying so hard to get them on. Um All right, well, there's been a great conversation. It's been about a half hour now. It's time for us to record a sketch. Are you looking for a doctor with magic sparkle fingers. I totally understand if you would like to learn more. Well Sean, where can people find out more about you.

[00:34:45] Dr. Sean: Okay, My website is dr Sean P. Or excuse me? Dr Sean Horn dot com. D R. S. E A N H O R A N dot com. Um My phone number. My contact information is all on the website as our fees and services that I provide. Um and soon to be linked to classes that I'll be offering on the website as well. Um I'm also available if you have insurance, I take a number of different um major insurance plans including the Oregon health plan and I am available at a balanced life healthcare on southeast hawthorne in Portland Oregon for primary care services and adjunctive sexual health services um and mental health med management.

[00:35:27] Stuart: And just to be 100% clear Dr. Shawn's office life is way different than his after office life. And now our sketch father. I think I have sinned.

[00:35:44] Dr. Sean: Yes. My child

[00:35:45] Stuart: father, I have sinned.

[00:35:47] Dr. Sean: Yes. My child

[00:35:48] Stuart: Gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I had some impure

[00:35:51] Dr. Sean: thoughts, impure thoughts are common for many of us. Could you describe them?

[00:35:55] Stuart: Oh boy! I was riding my bike down the street and I noticed there were some construction workers, my mind kind of went someplace and I kind of fantasized about them.

[00:36:08] Dr. Sean: God gave us wonderful creative imagination and it's and completely normal and healthy aspect of life to take in scenes from the world and fantasize about them in our minds and our fellow human beings are created in the image of God. So I don't think it's particularly sinful to find others attractive.

[00:36:27] Stuart: I keep writing my bike around the construction spot and use my phone to take pictures. Is that is that okay?

[00:36:35] Dr. Sean: Not so much a problem for God, but that might be a problem for the local police or just for the consent of the people that are in the photos in general. It's okay to look but do not take pictures without permission.

[00:36:46] Stuart: Okay. What about if they are off of work and I maybe follow their cars home or trucks home and just sit in the bushes just staring longingly at their front door

[00:36:57] Dr. Sean: as long as you are striving every day to do better and to send less and to help your fellow humans, you can live knowing that you are in the grace of God.

[00:37:06] Stuart: Okay, well that makes me feel so much better. Also finding out that they had an automatic sprinkler system made me feel so much better. Thank you so much father. Okay. No, no hail marys or

[00:37:17] Dr. Sean: if I gave you some, do you think you do

[00:37:18] Stuart: them? Probably not. Hello? Hello. Is there anybody in? Oh sorry. It's hard to see, I can't see beyond the I guess I've sinned

[00:37:31] Dr. Sean: in what way? My child?

[00:37:32] Stuart: Well I had premarital sex but like whatever, it was unintentional, it just kind of happened. You know I didn't plan it but I ended up I ended up getting pregnant. My mom and my friends all tell me like that's a bad idea. I'm considering going over to planned parenthood and just getting some help with that? I just kind of wanted to see like what's the, what's, what do I have to worry about? Is this going to cause me some serious detriment in my soul?

[00:38:04] Dr. Sean: This is something that I would definitely encourage you to speak to a provider at a women's health clinic about. So that you know what your options are, abortion isn't the only option available to you. There is also adoption. The catholic church does consider abortion to be a grave sin. We always have the opportunity to restore a state of grace. But I would encourage you to speak to a health care provider about your options in this particular instance as well.

[00:38:28] Stuart: So you want me to go talk to my doctor about my actual dr Yeah, because my actual doctor goes to the same church. You sure that that's a good idea. On a side note, is this is this father john because he's kind of cute. I just want to make sure I'm talking the right person, pardon me father, I have sinned.

[00:38:55] Dr. Sean: Yes. My child

[00:38:57] Stuart: last week. I did some speeding in my car.

[00:39:00] Dr. Sean: Yes. Is there another sin that you were also concerned about today? My child?

[00:39:04] Stuart: Well, I was uh I was speeding because I was driving away away from what? Well, I was driving away from, I needed to get out of there pretty quick.

[00:39:14] Dr. Sean: Were you in a situation of some sort?

[00:39:16] Stuart: It was somebody else's

[00:39:17] Dr. Sean: house And who was this other person?

[00:39:20] Stuart: It was, it was a familiar house.

[00:39:23] Dr. Sean: Are you trying to tell me that you were leaving a woman's house very rapidly and we're speeding on the way home.

[00:39:29] Stuart: That's most of it. Yeah.

[00:39:31] Dr. Sean: Okay. Could you describe the situation I'm trying to understand, but I'm lacking context and just to be clear from the beginning, speeding itself as a civil authorities concerned. I don't think God is concerned. What velocity you're going in a motor vehicle?

[00:39:47] Stuart: We are ended some interesting things. It's not sex necessarily.

[00:39:53] Dr. Sean: Well, the catholic church does say that masturbation or sexual interactions outside of the

[00:39:58] Stuart: country. No, no, no, no, no, no, no masturbating? Yeah. So what we do is we drink a lot of water and then we like to, you know, when you have to go instead of going to the bathroom, we just end up going on each other.

[00:40:14] Dr. Sean: Yeah, I don't think that this is explicitly a sin.

[00:40:17] Stuart: All right, well, we didn't do it at this person's house.

[00:40:21] Dr. Sean: Okay, where did this occur?

[00:40:23] Stuart: Actually happened here?

[00:40:26] Dr. Sean: My child. Your fallen far from grace.

[00:40:28] Stuart: Thank you so much for listening. You know, we hope you enjoyed listening as much as we enjoyed making it. And if you did enjoy listening, can I urge you to go to one of the websites where they do reviews and leave one for us? It not only means a ton to me, but it also means a great deal to our guests. We do these because we're trying to get a little bit of promotion for whatever we're doing and getting that exposure is super helpful. It also helps to get great guests for the show. Plus I just found out this is one of the top podcasts in the world, would be really nice to build a bigger community behind it. Also, you can visit sketch comedy podcast show dot com to get all of the links for anywhere you would like to subscribe or listen to the show and also, don't forget we got a Youtube Channel two. You can actually see people talk. It's kind of fun. And now for some of the boring stuff, sketch comedy podcast show is recorded under a creative commons attribution, non derivative four point international license. What that means is if you would like to use a portion of the show, please contact me so that we can just agree on it and I can ensure that you have the best possible recording of it, sketch comedy podcast show is copyright Stewart Rice 2021. Until next time. Get out there, be safe but get out there and improvise a story. All of your own

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Dream jobs, let’s talk about them. I don’t know how many of you out there have your dream job, I hope most of you do, but my guess is that most of us do not and, worse, we don’t even know what a dream job actually looks like. For me, I think it would be my dream job to be able to create great podcast content and assist others to be able to create the content they want to create and actually get paid for it!

For Jeni Wren Stottrup, that is everyday life! Jeni runs Gritty Bird Podcasting, which helps people produce the podcasts that they want to produce, and also runs “The Podcaster’s Forum” for aspiring mic-jockeys to connect, learn and share with one another. So, Jeni has MY dream job! Am I jealous? Yes! Would I hire her? Absolutely!

We talk a great deal about podcasting, since we have both been doing it for a while, and Jeni gives great advice to those that are starting out, as well as those that have been doing it for a while. We also talk about her interesting life philosophy based on her family’s background.

This episode’s sketch: “So What Your Saying Is…”

For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST

Jeni Wren Stottrup a podcast producer, speaker, editor, vocalist, content creator, educator and coach, owner of production company Gritty Birds Podcasting and membership platform, The Podcasters Forum.
Podcasting since 2012 after putting out her 2013 EP North Star, Jeni produced Gritty Birds, a narrative music podcast on XRAY.FM, before launching her production brand Gritty Birds Podcasting. Since 2014, she has produced her own content and also has worked with hundreds of podcasters through workshops, private production clients, coaching and speaking. 
Jeni’s special skills are in audio/visual  tech, vocal coaching, narrative development, content develop, launches and systems and personal development. She also has worked in sponsorship and promotions through her years on music festival boards, in event production and B2B and retail audio sales. 
She is a regularly sought speaker and has spoken at She Podcasts Live, Podcasters Toolkit, Podcasters Summit, Podfest, Podcast Editors Conference, Indiepodcon, Blog and Video Con, and more. She has partnered on workshops with multiple organizations including Siren Nation and  Portland Underground Grad School.
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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] spk_1: in this episode podcast mastermind, jenny Wren Stock trip and I came up with a few sketch ideas what is happening at a podcast conference, like as you're walking around who is showing up at those things and what kind of conversations are you having?

[00:00:16] spk_0: So my favorite place that I've been at any conference recently was the puppy pen.

[00:00:22] spk_1: I love that you were going to have COVID-19 is a joke cast.

[00:00:26] spk_0: So this was like literally it because then the final ones are where you're finally in quarantine and it's like, you know, like you're getting weird

[00:00:37] spk_1: instead of being like a producer for hire or something like that, be the podcast therapist. How

[00:00:43] spk_0: did that affect you with your mother?

[00:00:44] spk_1: Yes, exactly. Which one did we pick? You'll find out on this episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show. The one of a kind show where I Stewart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. Go to sketch comedy podcast show dot com to find more episodes, more links to more content and just to stop by and visit. Maybe you want to be a guest on the show. There's even a link for that and thank you again for subscribing. If you wanted to leave a review that's positive, that would be cool to this episode's guest, jenny Wren Start trip has my dream job. She runs gritty bird podcasting which helps people produce podcasts that they want to produce. And also runs the podcasters forum for aspiring mike jockeys to connect, learn and share with one another. So she has my dream job. Am I jealous? Yeah. Would I hire her? Absolutely. We talk a great deal about podcasting since we both have been doing it for a while and jenny gives great advice to those that are starting out as well as those that have been doing it for a while. We also talk about how she grew up and how that's formed her life philosophy. It's really interesting. And now my conversation with jenny, wren start trope podcast mastermind with a socialist background. Jenny, welcome to the show.

[00:02:30] spk_0: Hello. It's great to see you. I'm a little nervous because I'm curious what's about to happen right here.

[00:02:36] spk_1: I'm

[00:02:38] spk_0: excited.

[00:02:39] spk_1: What makes you interesting?

[00:02:40] spk_0: I've got a lot of stories. What can I say?

[00:02:43] spk_1: Go for it. Tell us why you are interesting and what some of those stories are before.

[00:02:48] spk_0: Okay, that would be a more uncomfortable question. That's all right.

[00:02:51] spk_1: It can be really uncomfortable. Yeah,

[00:02:54] spk_0: I was like, that's, I mean, I guess it's like the one uncomfortable thing about when someone says what makes you interesting, like, hello, hello, look how special I am. but I do think that um it's it's fun to get to do the things that I do, I create podcasts and I've been recording for a really long time as a musician and I think probably the most interesting, one of the most interesting things about me actually has to do with um my dad's side of the family, because we're like, you're raising this little danish community up in northern Minnesota, and it was actually based on a socialist side of community, and so I've actually met people before who meet me and they go, you're a danish Lutheran, aren't you? Like, based on essentially my belief system and knowing my Minnesota background, because there is this very um there is a certain amount of the way that we look at the world as Norwegian lutherans. So I think that's actually one of the more interesting things I realize didn't plug in my computer about me specifically

[00:03:53] spk_1: because of the fact that like you to talk about this, go ahead and plug in your computer. We'll talk about being a danish. A danish Lutheran. Yeah, Yeah. Okay. So yeah, you grew up from age zero to whatever my

[00:04:13] spk_0: dad did.

[00:04:14] spk_1: So

[00:04:16] spk_0: My grandfather raised all his siblings and then he raised all these kids. So my great grandfather had rheumatoid arthritis and died at the age of 40 and every one of our clan going back forever. He was a pastor, they'd settled back in northern Minnesota. They had than in the church and they had to settle back because they needed to have the farm. And of course it's just this like rock ridden Foresti place where yeah, you have land but the first winter they barely survived. So there is

[00:04:50] spk_1: this, what are you, what are you planting in that area? Like what do you pull at

[00:04:54] spk_0: that point? They're just trying to clear it. And then we had um cows were dairy farm. So to come to the ethic of being a danish Luther, like of this danish Lutheran concept is uh we there's this idea of the afterlife isn't necessarily like that's when you'll have everything you want, that you live in the now and that the gift of being on earth means something. So my great grandmother, which is my middle name, um namesake, she my dad's been uh converting all of her memoirs and also converting memoirs of her mother who had um her journey across from the other from from Denmark. And uh so

[00:05:42] spk_1: mommy talks about, well,

[00:05:46] spk_0: can Narnia it's cold, it's like, you know, wintry. So she she talks about how they almost froze to death. Right? My great my grandfather writes about the beauty of the icicles on the window panes. Like to kind of give you a perspective of what, how that practices said in person. But like how the mom is still like, dude, literally like there's like for her, she says we're only a windowpane away from um like the elements for him. He's like the beautiful pattern of the ice um sculptures on the window and how it makes you appreciated it because that's the, that's the ethic. It's like you take what you want. So last week when I was talking to my dad again, raised on a farm, he says some mornings, it was his birthday. He says some mornings. I just wake up. I think, man, it is amazing that I am not outside At five am shoveling cow poop. I just think some mornings, I'm just like think us awesome. I can't believe I'm not doing that anymore. It's great. It's great to be alive.

[00:06:59] spk_1: Yeah, actually that's a it's just a really good like that is a great philosophy to have it stay present. Look for the positive and everything you're in. Um and then maybe have someone like you know there to say yeah, but if we go outside it's freezing and we'll die. Um Yeah, I have that balance. Both. Both of those are good. Yeah, that's really good. So um All right, so you uh you have this background and it kind of does it feed into your day to day life?

[00:07:30] spk_0: Like I talked to my dad every day.

[00:07:32] spk_1: Okay, so you get a, you get a dose of that every single he sends

[00:07:36] spk_0: me, he sends me these messages like these morning thoughts and sunday thoughts. Yeah. Uh like today, what one of the things he wrote me was life is complicated. Sometimes we have to accept things as they are. The situation with many relationships is that we come I mean it's a whole to react as human and how others react is out of control, small things and then he goes into marriages and it's a complicated world. Yeah, he continues the writing tradition has been in our family. But yeah, I'm having conversations with him about life and we are always trying to find the silver lining even though man, some days, especially this year, feel kind of like what the heck? But I do like I really appreciate that I have a dad and that he is a good one and that I get to still have in my life. So all those things are like, yeah, and I because of the way that life is um you know we spend time nurturing that and there's times we don't talk quite as much, but lately this year that's been a thing. Because what else am I going to call besides podcast?

[00:08:45] spk_1: Right, you call, let's talk about that. So you do podcasting. That's, that's

[00:08:49] spk_0: what do, it's like

[00:08:51] spk_1: your primary thing, isn't it?

[00:08:53] spk_0: It

[00:08:53] spk_1: is, but that's like a big cake.

[00:08:56] spk_0: Yeah. Recently I was meeting with my therapist, I have 80 HD so I've had a therapist since I was 18. It's always a thing because that's how I get my medication and the he said to me, I want you to start doing some things you did before you podcast it and I'm like, what? Yeah, wow man. And I hadn't even realized little things like uh just like, like little things I used to run, it used to be a runner. Um and some of those had to do with injuries and some of that was during podcasting, but you know, like there's these little things that you did and now I'm like, I do podcasts and I help people podcast and sometimes I have podcasts and I tell people to teach other people and I talked and I go on podcasts. So yeah, it is a funny thing to be like Yes podcasts since 2012.

[00:09:46] spk_1: It's really interesting because I talk about how much I lose my shirt every year on this podcast because it's just a hobby for me. That's just what it's always been, it looks like, that's what it's always going to be. But you have this different philosophy, you have this little bit of, of this danish Lutheran presence that I think maybe gives you a head up on this. How is it that you've been able to make a career out of podcasting like that? That's fascinating to me.

[00:10:17] spk_0: You know, it really came out of just sheer like I was trying to figure out like, you know, anyone grows up and says what am I gonna do with my life? Right? And I wanted to be a musician and I ended up getting a degree in music and I got a classical, I was classically trained, started getting into jazz, I also got a political communications degree because during that time I lost my voice and end up having surgery to remove my na jewels and like it just, it changed the trajectory so I was no longer going to be like this amazing oratorio singer, it just, it wouldn't have legs like I could have done okay, but it was like and I moved to Seattle and I performed and I developed and I learned um studied under amazing people. But then, you know, the first crash happened and uh, you know, a lot of people made an interesting pivot. A year ago I was at podcast and I was talking with roger. Cloud roger and I hung out a bunch at that conference. It was really fun. And one of the things we talked about was that cloud microphone started because of a pivot that he made at that same time. So he was working on another prototype of something and then ended up, you know, creating this mic that then set the foundation for work. Cloud microphones are and they actually succeeded during the craft like during the crash because of the way that the product was and all these crazy things. It was very surprising. So like a year ago I was like, ma'am, I think I want to do a podcast about what About how people pivoted during that crash. And by the way, we had an idea Covid was happening at this point, we knew we were all not going to see each other after podcast. But like, we didn't have an idea. It was so bad. Not having an idea that I pitched, this is this is terrible. I pitched to zoom care at podcast where I would produce it on the like as the producer about how, How COVID 19 wasn't that bad.

[00:12:19] spk_1: Well, of course we all at some point when that's just, yeah,

[00:12:25] spk_0: I made slides. I messaged, I mean it was like legit and looking back, you're like, oh, wow, okay, well that's a fail. So I think that what it comes down to is this is something my dad says, okay, well then what's your plan? If something goes wrong? And I'm like, uh, like we'll make a plan and make the plan work. So I think that there it comes down to that. So music, I've gotten to do some cool things in music. I ended up getting a master's in education at one point. So when the crash happened, you know, like we make these small switches and I knew things I wanted to do, I wanted to work in media, I loved doing production, I had done things but I didn't really know what I wanted to do. So like I worked for choose local for a while doing B two B sales, uh that they do about Face magazine here in Portland. And then I did uh I was working, I was in media sponsorship for years with pds pump now and I wanted to start a production company and had started, I produced a soul fest called Moussa's soul fest and had produced my shows and done residencies and just nothing was like landing and I would take business classes that were free in town and just like, I was just kind of grappling and figuring things out. And then I, when I created my record, I started going on podcasts and people like, you have a good voice for this, I was like, okay, that's that's something. And then when I didn't know if I wanted to do another record, I'm like, I still want to record, how can I record when I don't have another song and I don't want to just do voice over work, let's have a podcast, let's ask people questions and then release those. And then eventually I got to pull back in my promotion side and I brought, you know, sponsors onto the show where I ended up joining radio and from there other things happened and it was like, I had them as I was like, every other podcaster that was like, this is going to do the thing, I'm going to make the money from the podcast.

[00:14:28] spk_1: But

[00:14:29] spk_0: there's always like, I know right?

[00:14:32] spk_1: I

[00:14:32] spk_0: know right? It's funny because everybody, everybody thinks it it's universal. And I know that some people were like, I don't do it for that. What I do discover is that you have some kind of goal. It's not just like, because we're looking at our time, right? There's a goal, whatever that goal is, there's something in there and everyone thinks they're going to be doing better than they will. That's universal. And what's fun about that is getting to talk to people about what actually happened. I had great success. I actually can't complain about that. Like my first episode had 350 downloads, like how awesome is that. And then I ended up being on radio, which that is amazing. I had a narrative podcast. I've gotten to work with incredible people, but I was never making any money and I, I was like, okay, maybe this will lead to me getting a job. Yeah, like NPR or something like the scope of what I could do versus what exists did not exist. Like I didn't hit me up and I would be reached out by people to produce actually. So like, I was giving workshops on podcasting with siren nation here in Portland and like Chloe you daily and I were working on a podcast like right before her campaign. So there were things that these like, early elements of people asking me to do what I do now and then I'd be in the workshop maybe like, do you do coach? And I'm like, oh no, no, no, like, I don't like what, like, you should have this. And I'm like, I don't understand which is dumb because now I know people who like podcasting for three months there who did have a little success and had, it actually hits, that happens. And then they're like, I have a business, I teach podcasting and you're like, why did I do that at the beginning? So I ended up working at Guitar Center and I like, killed it there. And oh, like one of the conferences I went to, I got a grant like several years ago through the city of Portland to be able to go to podcast movement. And then that started me hitting the conference circuits like five years ago and I was at one of them and I was seeing some friends that I knew from the forums and I look up and they're talking about being a podcast producer and I'm like, or an editor. I'm like, I can be an editor, I can just get clients

[00:16:42] spk_1: like I can just clients. Yeah.

[00:16:46] spk_0: And I ended up having one of the people because I've spoken at the storytelling event P. M. X. The podcast movement that year. And one of them, my friend Caitlin, I ended up editing their show and then in january I got hit up by another person and you know, all of a sudden it was like, oh sweet. And then I decided to leave Guitar center because I didn't, I don't know like retail sales is what it is and you know, I did really well in it. It was like the number one woman in sales at one point and but it was just like back breaking, literally uh like you're literally lifting subs, The way that you get to number one is that you're selling subs and you're selling speaker systems to people who are coming through and you're doing $15,000 deals where you're setting up your setting up trusts, trusses and making phone calls. It's literally back breaking and I'd have like two ankle injuries and it was like my body was broken. So it was

[00:17:39] spk_1: a scroll my mouse around on the screen, maybe talk into a microphone. Yeah, so of course, so

[00:17:45] spk_0: it comes so we can come back into the same thing about being a podcasters. I was like, this is what's going to happen. Not realizing that I had a lot to learn about business. So I took Mercy Corps class that spring and I feel like ever since then I'm constantly learning how to really do this and how to really nail down my message so that people know what I'm doing and that's, that's been, that's the same thing in podcasting. It's when we come back to that question, how did I get here? I just kept figuring out how to create the icicles versus thinking about the window pane in the middle.

[00:18:19] spk_1: That's awesome. Uh so I've got a question for you because I get contacted to do podcasts producing as well. I usually end up giving them your name or somebody else that I know because every time I have a conversation with someone, it starts off like this, what's your goal with the podcast? And how many times do people just say I would just like to have a podcast? How often does that happen for you? Because it happens almost every single time I talked to someone there, like I just want to have one, it's like, but why? What's the, what's the motivation there?

[00:18:53] spk_0: So what I often find is it's I love having one on one conversations with this. It's a hard thing to do in a group because in the group, what I notice that will sometimes happen and it's partly because everyone else would be like, yeah, same and then they're just like, but the truth is unfortunately not exactly that. So what I like to do is then say, well, okay, what, what was the first podcast you know, to actually go back? Like what was the first podcast you listened to? What are some of the podcast you're listening to? What do you do for business? And then it allows us to pull back to the actual reasons. So like, you know, just accept that as fact, it's hard to push someone on that one because one of its like one of the things like when I'm doing content with folks there, like I know my idea and I get it. I mean, dude, I know my idea and I get it. But like I'm still changing my sales page and changing my marketing because that's what everyone does because we're all continuing to refine. So it's nice to come back around from other side just to help kind of build that trust for folks that are coming in because of the fact that I charge money and I don't charge like little money. Usually if somebody set up an appointment with me, they're not investing in just feeling like it because

[00:20:08] spk_1: yeah, maybe that's, that's the difference. And then, yeah, that's the big thing. Um, and then the expect I try to set the expectation of, hey, you're going to get like 12 listens the first five episodes, like just be aware of. It's an ego hit. And usually by that time they stopped talking to me and that's when I give them your name or somebody else. That L Alison is really good.

[00:20:32] spk_0: That's 100%. Where right now I'm trying to figure that's the messaging. So what this year I've been giving these workshops and I started speaking more and I'm really understanding story a lot better and I've always have, but it's always, you pull it back in and then you redo and build the concept, you completely, you know, bomb one workshop and then you rock another one and then you say, okay, all right, let's figure out which ones of those can get put together so that people feel excited and the same thing with working with folks. So when I, so the podcasters forum is my new company and it built out of the idea that I didn't want to just be talking about editing anymore because of the fact that a couple things would happen. One I would have an editing client who hit a financial issue and then they couldn't edit, had an editor anymore. I'd have a person who would come to me and say I want editing and then I'd give the number and then they never call again. Um I would have because of the fact that I actually am a producer, which is a different thing than an editor, but a lot of what I do for producing does not always include strategy, even though I know strategy. So I would get to this part where we created this beautiful something and then they would be like, I'm going to hire somebody who knows what they're talking about for this other stuff and then they'd end up leaving because they didn't want to spend the money again, Right? So it all ended up often coming down to this element of it. And I was like, I need to have something that is a steady stream of income, a my need. But the other half of it was I wanted something where there could have those resources out there and I'm still getting the Burbage of it, all right, and the community is the base, but like I'm building courses and figuring out like a membership, essentially it's gonna be a mastermind. So like I originally was like, it's this and you've got my back and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it didn't hit because, you know, it's about one of the things I hit when I put that out, the messaging was all like, you're a new podcaster. But what I discovered is that people don't realize what they need when they first start, they know it's six months later and it's not that they know exactly what it is, they know what's missing. They know that they still have that goal that they said they never had. Or even if they said they were just podcasting for fun, they might have just been like, that was fun and I'm done or they're like, this is fun. And now I actually have more of a goal. So if that was like legitimate it, which it can be, it's like, okay, well what's the next step? And it sometimes has to do with editing, but it might be something else. And I want to meet those podcasters who are getting going and have, or even they've been going for a couple of years and they're hitting like these blocks and now we're like, okay, let's take a look at your show. Let's take a look at your audience. Let's essentially do an audit and helping those folks, you know, starting with an audit, starting with coaching and sometimes editing to help them get to their goals. Even sitting on the business side, not just from the like because there's a million ways we can create the content that reaches your audience without busting your bank. There are ways that we can, everyone has a weak spot. So it's saying what's your audience look like and where is your weak spot? How can we meet the middle? And then for me, of course, it's also still like, but let's also take a look at your audio

[00:23:55] spk_1: is always an element right? Like you can have the best podcast ever, but if it's scratchy or sounds like this, like all of a sudden it can totally derail what you're trying to do. I realized what the weakest part of this podcast

[00:24:11] spk_0: is, what it's okay.

[00:24:14] spk_1: I'm the weakest link here. Um uh so jen you've been doing this for a while. What are some podcast ideas that have hit your ears that you were like, that's ridiculous and anything that just, just like I want to have a podcast about, Do you have anything actually,

[00:24:35] spk_0: I like when people share ideas because people don't generally share their ideas unless they're ready for it. Uh so I think I've gotten some really cool ideas. Um the biggest thing that I think happens is that people will often have almost too much of an idea and it needs to get paired back because it's really hard when you put so much time into a show and then like, it doesn't hit anything, especially when it comes to more complicated narrative things, which is something that helped produce. Uh and I like to be able to create something that when people come to me with those, that does work. And what I would say, like the biggest thing that isn't, it doesn't work as an idea is somebody who literally just wants to talk and doesn't have a clear message. And that's a general all the time thing where you're saying, I want to have a podcast and you're making, you're doing a live stream, but you're not actually, that's actually not a podcast. And why that's important is that you're not getting that rss feed everywhere and you're not getting it saved somewhere um, in facebook, if it goes away is gone. And then you're like, oh, that material, you can't put it in a blog post in the same way. You know, you can do that with Youtube, but it's still not quite the same and like that. But what's sad about that is there's all this content and what, what gets sad is these folks were just like streaming on and I just think about the time they put into all of it and then it's not getting out in the world. So I feel like if my, one of my messages that and I spoke on this on saturday, it's actually now my free download because I'm editing these videos from my women's group, which is great, is about, you should have a plan and that doesn't mean you have to have it all planned out, but it's like, what's, yeah, what is, what is your goal, where you heading with it? And you know, what's the vision here before you're heading into it? Because uh as I was listening to Dave Jackson's school podcasting episode this morning, he said, I used to tell people, tell them what's coming up and I don't say that anymore because like, you don't walk into a restaurant and then see what's going to be on the menu next week, Like give them something right away, have them know exactly what to expect and that's so, so key. So you want to have something right away, you want to follow up with it, but you also want it to be found, so you wouldn't have like, you know, Yes, some of the best restaurants in town are ones you hear word of mouth, but they usually started off with like something that people new the chef, they knew something about the menu. Like they didn't come from nowhere, They just made the location difficult, right? So we're not we're not like putting what's happening with so many podcasts is it's not there, it's not that it's a bad idea that I see, it's usually like an implementation that's just faulty and not leading anyone anywhere. And that's one of the reasons that the comedy shows do so well, because what people don't think about is how every podcaster, every comedian that I know spend so much time on their stand up jokes and then they wait in lines and watch everyone stand up to be able to get on that stage hours. Like I've like it's insane how often that I see this like

[00:28:00] spk_1: all ready to see some time, why why don't you do stand up? And it's like I've tried, I hate it. It's hard to stand up.

[00:28:09] spk_0: Yeah, I don't do stand up at all. But the improv side of it and all the planning means that those people, when they get onto a podcast, they're ready, they've been in the room, they've heard the jokes, they've been showing up for a long time. And while it may seem like they're not planned, they are completely prepared. But not how you think about it. So like when folks who aren't comedians are like, we're going to be fine, we're going to riff, I always talk with my buddies and it could be really good. I'm not saying that it's not, it's just that if there's not a niche or something with a focus or you don't already have some people that just love listening to you guys talk or

[00:28:53] spk_1: Oh, you're speaking of the 2-5 guys sitting around a table talking about pop culture and stuff.

[00:28:59] spk_0: Yeah, which can be great. But there's a whole, like I used to get those folks coming into Guitar center all the time and they would, because they would have bought the worst set up they could and it's, but it is one of, I think that that's the part where like we don't have a goal. We just want to sit around and talk and that comes like that was a really long winded way to kind of bring back to even what you were just saying a little bit ago.

[00:29:24] spk_1: Yeah. It's um, that's the thing is just making a podcast for podcasts sake is that is, it's my least favorite thing as a podcaster because the thing is it buries a lot of other podcasts. That might be really good because I think what happens is people see, people see how many podcasts there are and it's like, I mean the running joke is important and it's like everybody has a beard and a podcast like those things. So indicates

[00:29:53] spk_0: five years ago. But yeah,

[00:29:55] spk_1: but now it is and so you're, you're really, the competition's much broader and it's all over the place and when people jump onto a podcast and they listen to it and they're like, well this is hot garbage, this must be what podcasts are like, hopefully we've gotten over that hump. But for a while there, I felt like that was, Yeah,

[00:30:15] spk_0: I think this one, I think there is a mix that's hitting and part of it is because I mean, even three years ago, the like tech side of it, U. S. The U. S. B. Mix were crap and you know, people were when they use a Yeti in a room that doesn't need it or like what, you know, just USB and uh um, there's a couple other brands, but now you've got amazing dynamics like that are inexpensive and you can be connected super easy and you can sound good so easily that it shouldn't be as big of an issue. And this year, especially I've seen an improvement and audio because like us as producers and editors have been sound. People have been saying for years, get a pair of those old apple earbuds that have

[00:31:05] spk_1: the

[00:31:07] spk_0: triple ring at the end, not the U S. B one and have those. But finally the thing we're always saying, hold it up to the mouth. You see this all the time. You can make even a dongle and you see this on, on Tiktok videos, you see this on your reels, videos on instagram and people. So it's not being as a thing that we were all telling people now it's getting implemented and people see it. So all of these little things are actually making more sense. So someone might see my in ears and be like, oh, that doesn't sound bad. If I had the sound connected from these, we'd have this weird delay, it be a problem. And that's that's another one that I, so I feel like I'm constantly reminding people don't wear your earrings if you've got, you know, like there's these little things, but so many people are saying it, it's starting to like actually hit with people once they're engaged with podcasting. Because the thing about podcasting is what I see from a lot of folks as well as if you're having a podcast and you have, even if you have casts and you're not going on other podcasts engaging back within the community you're you're creating like in creating an echo. You want. The podcasting is at its best when we're a lot, we're having the back and forth right when we're going on people's shows and having it on our shows because that's where we get the connections. And we're saying, what do you know, what are you up to? And there's the 15 minutes before and after the show were like, yeah, what are you doing right now? You know, that doesn't make sense for content. And it ends up being really cool. And that's like where we get the gigs and that's where we get the connection and that's where the value ends up hitting. And if now that more folks are doing that and figuring out that that piece, some people are never going to make a podcast because they're recognizing, they can just guessed. But the issue they're having is that your listeners don't want to hear you talk about that specific piece over and over and over. If you have a mailing list and at some point, once you have that tech now is the time to say, I want to have people go to my feed, I should have my own podcast and this is what it should be about. And then you can bring them to your website instead of sending to other ones. And when you go on to show you can say go to my podcast and then they can get your material and then they can buy your things and then you're actually having a benefit or like if it's a comedian, then you're getting hired for the thing. Every actor in Hollywood should have a show. And when people are like, oh, another actor, you're like, well, yeah, it's essentially they're creating their own calling card. Why wouldn't they do that?

[00:33:38] spk_1: Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, my calling card is don't hire me. Um, let's say just for silly nonsense questioning. You had a podcast that was six years old. Okay, Okay. And the producer of the podcast is going, then I'm having a hard time producing my podcast anymore because I just don't see a point. What would you say to that person?

[00:34:11] spk_0: I would then want to know what they are excited about right now.

[00:34:16] spk_1: Mhm.

[00:34:16] spk_0: First of all, and then I would ask about their audience. All right. Because you already have something and established and making a pivot is not always the fit. And then I would say what your goals because if you don't want to get rid of a podcast, if it's actually heading toward goals, right? And then I would say, if you, if you are at a point where you're saying I want to call it hit and not podcast ever again, you do have that choice to call a show, especially after six years. You do have the choice to try to start a new show and if you don't want to pay for it anymore, you can, this is where anchor is helpful. I really still don't recommend them as your main host. There's lots of reasons why. But one of the good things about them is you can navigate your feed to anchor and have it live there for free so that it won't go away. Right. So I would say you do have options for having the show, not go away and having that old material. Don't do that before. If you want to start a new show and a new pivot, don't get rid of your old show before you do that because of the fact that if that show doesn't land and I met some folks where they'll start a new thing and it's just not landing like at all. Because when you're a podcaster it's okay to change because let's be honest, when was the last time? I think Gray's Anatomy has been on like 20 seasons. You know like C. S. I. Has been on 20 seasons but like most shows don't run forever like radio programs to an extent. But even the biggest radio personalities in general have made small switches over time. They brought on new co hosts. They have moved to different networks. They've played with different elements in it. Right? Because they are always still trying to get advertisers and that means they're making changes and it's okay as a podcaster to make changes whether that's a brand new show or saying goodbye to it forever if it's not serving your life at that point. Um So I think theoretically you're always in control and you get to do what feels good for you.

[00:36:34] spk_1: That sounds fair. I was asking for a friend, I wasn't asking about this show. Um All right, well, it's been about a half hour um real quick before I real quick before we get into doing the other thing. Uh what would be the three things you would tell a new podcaster? Like if you can tell a new podcast, not like step one, step two, step three, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is like, here are three things you need to know as a brand new podcast er to set expectations properly. What would it be?

[00:37:05] spk_0: One again, have your vision about what you're doing, like? No, you know that that niche and your audience and then put out a show. Yeah. And figure out whether that niches whether that's the same thing because it might not be just because it was in your head doesn't mean you were right. And that is not a negative thing ah Which leads to the 3rd 1. Uh B so pliable and elastic because it's not, you you can change things, you're not bad, something's just not landing if you're not getting somewhere. Uh you know, if bad things come, if people are sending you mean things, uh that means you're also connecting with good people. That's been a good advice. But like the part of that's the elasticity, like bi elastic with it. Um don't get so stuck in the ego of what you have that. It bums you out and that means your numbers, you know, the reaction when your family, friends and friends are not responding to it because, but you put out a podcast like they're they're going to be support you as a human, but that might, they might not

[00:38:23] spk_1: be, they don't care about your podcast.

[00:38:25] spk_0: That's yeah, that comes back to the second one is like, no, your lane, because the more you're in your lane, the more you're talking to, Yeah, if you're in the bumper lane and you're a kid, that's perfect, that's a great place. But like if you're an ace bowler, why would you be in the bumper lane with the five year olds? Like, unless you want to hang out with a five year olds, but like, it's not going to get you to the bowling championships.

[00:38:51] spk_1: Yeah, yeah, I

[00:38:53] spk_0: mean, yeah, it's like, then you're, you know, but that's a different thing. But if you're trying to be a professional bowler and you're over in the bumper lane, like it's just those are two different places to just know your lane and um, you know, yeah, keep elastic, be willing to make changes and right, go with the flow. Uh, and yeah, the second is uh, you know, know your niche and I forget what the first one was, but

[00:39:18] spk_1: guy was niche and then it was put out a show and then I thought that was, it was totally because I think the action thing is really

[00:39:26] spk_0: important. You have

[00:39:27] spk_1: to have the action most important. You forgot the most important one.

[00:39:31] spk_0: Microphones have good sound.

[00:39:32] spk_1: No, no hire you because that will hire me. That would be the best way to start that whole thing.

[00:39:38] spk_0: Honestly, yeah, it's fun. I like working with people

[00:39:42] spk_1: as you should. If you didn't, I would say maybe get

[00:39:46] spk_0: precisely get out of my

[00:39:47] spk_1: lane, get out of that line. All right, well, it is now time to record a sketch. Great. I just realized by releasing this episode, I might be creating more podcast competition. Well, if you are going to be my competition, I'd prefer to have really good content. That sounds fantastic and there is only one person I would recommend for doing just that jenny tell them where they can find you.

[00:40:17] spk_0: I am a podcast producer and the owner of Gritty birds, podcasting and the podcasters forum. So I help content creators, primarily podcasters and video creators to create a stronger impact with their shows and to feel confident, empowered with the tools that they need to be able to succeed.

[00:40:35] spk_1: And of course, all of those links are in the show notes and now our sketch. So what you're saying is with jenny, Wren star Tre in three two, Hi Dr stateroom. It's really great to see you again.

[00:40:53] spk_0: It's good to see you too Stuart have you been doing lately?

[00:40:56] spk_1: Oh, it's been, it's been a rough couple of weeks.

[00:40:59] spk_0: What happened?

[00:41:01] spk_1: Well, I just had had some interactions with people. I just had someone tell me that they hated my voice and they hated being around me anymore. That was really hard. It's been a tough couple of weeks.

[00:41:13] spk_0: How did you react when those things happened?

[00:41:15] spk_1: Well, when the person told me they hated my voice, I got really angry, I slammed the door and it was awful. There was a lot of slamming involved. Is

[00:41:26] spk_0: that something that you find yourself doing often?

[00:41:29] spk_1: I find that people are just mean to me often.

[00:41:32] spk_0: What are some good things you're doing for yourself right now?

[00:41:35] spk_1: Trying to talk about things that I think are really positive or things that I think are really interesting. But I noticed that they don't really respond the way I like them too.

[00:41:44] spk_0: Okay, so what would be a way that you might have approached this situation differently?

[00:41:50] spk_1: Well, I don't know. I was just talking

[00:41:52] spk_0: when you were a child. How did people talk about your voice?

[00:41:56] spk_1: Oh, I was definitely raised in a household that was Children should be seen and often not seen. Often in another room.

[00:42:06] spk_0: You've had experiences where you didn't feel seen or heard. You aren't feeling seen or heard now and you're finding yourself talking a lot, but you're not having a conversation?

[00:42:18] spk_1: That's right. Maybe that's what it's all about.

[00:42:21] spk_0: Okay, So you do see something in that that you can confirm that something you agree

[00:42:25] spk_1: with me

[00:42:26] spk_0: when you get frustrated with somebody in these moments. Do you have anything that you do to self regulate

[00:42:32] spk_1: right now? What I'm doing is I end up screaming back at the I can't tell if that's working or not, Stewart,

[00:42:39] spk_0: Does that work for you? How do you feel when I yell at

[00:42:42] spk_1: you oddly aroused? Do you have any suggestions like things I could be doing? That would make it better.

[00:42:48] spk_0: It sounds to me like there's a mind like I want you to think about your mindset here. Most people don't like getting yelled at, they'll just tune out and you won't be able to regain their trust and remind yourself that you do actually have worse and your voice is good. And as it can be, as simple as a mantra that you do before you had any of these conversations, you might meet a couple of people that really like yelling like you and then all of a sudden you have something in common.

[00:43:16] spk_1: So what you're saying is I should start a podcast. Thank you so much for joining us here at sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it. If you would like to see more head to sketch comedy podcast show dot com and you'll get all of the goodies sketch comedy podcast show is licensed under Creative Commons attribution, no derivatives, four point oh International license. Our world is filled with opportunities to be funny, go out there and create an improv adventure of your own. See you next episode.

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Sometimes it’s important to understand your limits. Like setting a budget or knowing how much you can drink at a party before you end up naked and asking people for pony rides… sorry Grandma, your birthday was great! This episode’s guest, Doug Noll, doesn’t look at limits the same way; he has figured out how to break all of the limits: physically, mentally and has perfected learning in what seems like a superhuman way.
Doug Noll was a trial lawyer in California who was tenacious and was sought-after all throughout the state. Hating the commute, Doug decided to learn how to fly just to get out of traffic-jams. Doug has been a part of bands and has recently taken up concert jazz. That’s right, took up jazz. For fun. Most recently, he has been a best-selling author and has created a program to help murderers in prison to become experts in diffusing violent situations. If that last sentence doesn’t boggle your mind, I don’t know what will.
We talk about learning and how to do it properly, his time as a musician, some of his amazing trial lawyer stories, the time he almost died flying a plane, and then we talk a great deal about his de-escalation techniques and his work with inmates which is absolutely amazing. You can learn more about Doug and his programs at https://dougnoll.com
This episode’s sketch: "You’re Good Enough. You’re Smart Enough… and Doggone It, The Force is With You!”
For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com
Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice
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MORE ABOUT THE GUEST
Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA is an award-winning author, speaker, and trainer. After 22 years as a trial lawyer, Mr. Noll became a peacemaker and mediator. Today, he helps people solve deep and intractable conflicts and teaches others to do what he does. Mr. Noll is an adjunct professor of law at the Pepperdine School of Law Straus Institute where he teaches Decision Making Under Uncertainty Conflict.
Mr. Noll is the co-founder of the award-winning Prison of Peace Project, in which he teaches murderers in maximum security prisons to be peacemakers and mediators.
Mr. Noll has trained mediators and leaders in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia in his innovative peacemaking and mediation processes. He has personally mediated over 1,500 disputes, including sexual abuse cases in the Catholic Church and criminal victim-offender cases.
Mr. Noll's honors include California Lawyer Magazine Attorney of the Year, a Purpose Prize Fellow, and Best Lawyers of America Lawyer of the Year.
Mr. Noll has written four books, his latest released on September 12, 2017, entitled De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less (Atria/Beyond Words). He is the creator of online video courses in legal negotiation and emotional de-escalation and has conducted dozens of webinars. His video offerings on YouTube have garnered over 87,000 views.
On a personal note, Mr. Noll is a jazz violinist, aircraft and helicopter pilot, ski instructor, 2nd degree black belt, tai chi master, and whitewater rafter. He lives with his wife Aleya Dao in the foothills of the central Sierra Nevada south of Yosemite National Park.
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TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Stuart: in this episode. Superhuman, learner, helping murderers become peacekeepers. Doug Noll And I came up with a few sketches. I like this idea of learning how to learn, right? Something really kind of arbitrary and small. Someone comes to you and says, hey, I want to learn how to do this very small thing and I want it would be in a huge, elaborate, like thousands of hours, like really detailed plan.

[00:00:31] Doug Noll: Let me just say that when we train our inmate trainers, we have a train the trainer day and we have them to teach people how to do stuff, mundane stuff like how to come your hair,

[00:00:41] Stuart: the trial lawyer, the lengths that you'll go through, the evidence was swallowed by the dog and you're like, I'm

[00:00:48] Doug Noll: out,

[00:00:50] Stuart: oh the mediation and peace making. But I was thinking like what if you got hired by say, the empire from Star Wars or something like that to come in and teach mediation to Kylo ren or Darth Vader or something along those lines? It could be any, any like scary uh the

[00:01:12] Doug Noll: evil. That was a chapter in my 3rd book,

[00:01:16] Stuart: which one did we pick? Well you probably know if you looked at the show notes and saw the title, but otherwise you'll find out on this week's episode of it's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show though, one of a kind show where I Stewart rice invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise the comedy sketch based on what we talked about. I apologize for such inconsistency and releasing episodes, but man, I moved at some personal stuff happen, you guys don't pay me so just enjoy the show. You know, sometimes it's important to understand your limits, like setting up a budget or knowing how much you can drink at a party before you end up naked and asking people for pony rides, Sorry grandma, but man, your birthday was great. This episode's guest Doug. Noll doesn't look at limits the same way he has figured out how to break all of the limits physically mentally, and has perfected learning in what seems to be a superhuman way. Doug was a trial lawyer in California who was tenacious and was sought after all throughout the state, hating the commute, Doug decided to learn how to fly just to get out of traffic jams. Doug has been part of bands and has recently taken up concert jazz, That's right, took up jazz for fun. Most recently, he has been a best selling author and has created a program to help murderers in prison to become experts in diffusing violent situations. If that last sentence doesn't boggle your mind, I don't know what will we talk about learning and how to do it properly. Some of his amazing trial lawyer stories the time he almost died flying a plane and then we talk a great deal about his de escalation techniques and his work with inmates, which is absolutely amazing. You can learn more about Doug and his programs at Doug Noll dot com and now my conversation with Doug Noll, superhuman learner, helping murderers become peacekeepers. Doug, thank you so much for joining me for the very first time today,

[00:03:43] Doug Noll: you're welcome Stewart. I've heard about your show and I'm really looking forward to the craziness.

[00:03:48] Stuart: It should be pretty crazy. Already has been actually. Doug. Let me ask you a question you might even actually know the answer to already. What makes you interesting?

[00:04:04] Doug Noll: Well, it's a bit of a story. Uh, so I was born with a lot of problems. I was born almost blind, partially deaf, Crippled with two club feet. Um, really bad teeth. Uh, and I couldn't walk until I was three or four years old. I had multiple surgeries on my legs and, and, but I was, I did get in the right line for brands, A pretty smart guy. So I ended up going to an ivy league school and then with the law school was a trial lawyer for 22 years. But along the way I picked up a whole bunch of interesting skills, I believe probably more lifetimes in my life than I could I possibly can deserve because I ended up being a level three certified ski instructor, whitewater rafter and class for kayaker, rock climber mountaineer. Um, I've got a pilot's license, instrument rated, single engine, multi engine helicopter Tail wheel. It's got got a 2000 hours of flying behind me. I am, became a secondary black belt tai chi master, taught myself irish fiddle in law school and 10 years ago took up jazz and blues violin and now I play jazz and blues violin and having a blast with that. So like I said, many, many, many, many lifetimes and I've had a lot of really interesting careers 22 years as a trial lawyer, Then became a peacemaker and mediator. Then I went into a maximum security prisons. I've been doing that for the last 10 years, training murderers to be peacemakers.

[00:05:41] Stuart: We're definitely going to talk about that. That is creating online courses, fascinating.

[00:05:45] Doug Noll: Yeah, creating online courses for people to become emotionally intelligent and teaching them how to be leaders and teaching negotiation, Written four books. The last one was the best seller. So what makes me interesting is that I've had a lot of different Lifetime experiences and it's been, it's been a ride, it still is. I'm married to the most incredible woman in the world. So living on 10 acres south of Yosemite. Uh, and so the pandemic, I know it's heard a lot of people, but for us it's been a blessing because I don't have to leave this property.

[00:06:17] Stuart: Yeah.

[00:06:18] Doug Noll: Right now I could look out my window. Wildflowers are blasting off everywhere, incredible. It's amazing. So that's what it, that's

[00:06:27] Stuart: yeah, that is uh that is multiple breaths worth of interesting, right? Like you had to inhale numerous times. Uh for me, I'm like, uh, but when anybody asked me that question, no one's ever asked me that question. Um, so I actually, so truth be told, we tried this once before I forgot to hit the record button. So I'm gonna go ahead and just ask the question that I just asked again, is was there a little bit of overcompensation since you you were born with all of these? Not ideal situations?

[00:07:03] Doug Noll: Absolutely. Uh In the beginning I was definitely overcompensating but then I learned something really interesting about myself which is that I love to learn. And so uh I started taking up stuff that just interested me. So for example why did I learn how to fly? Well a living in central California, I had to do court appearances all up and down the state and I didn't like driving the four hours down to L. A. Or the 3.5 hours up to san Francisco is why not learn how to fly and do it in less than an hour or an hour rather than spend time driving. So I was looking for efficiency and I was also looking for cool stuff to do because it got fun and I mean fly fishing and rock climbing and kayaking and rafting, still raft. I don't kayak anymore, but uh just really fun stuff to do and that's what got me going and so I learned how to learn. I know exactly what it takes for me to become a master at anything and I'm careful about what I choose. For example, I don't play golf, I know what it would take for me to become a scratch golfer. I don't want to put that time into it, right? But but I could become a scratch golfer if I wanted to. It's just I don't have a desire to do it and I don't go and I don't take up things that I'm not very good at. I mean, I don't take up things that I don't want to master. Golfing is very difficult, takes a lot and thousands and thousands of hours of practice to get good at it. I just want to put the time in on that. But I will put thousands of hours into my violin playing jazz and blues violent because I really love doing that.

[00:08:31] Stuart: That's cool. Have you do you perform in front of people with,

[00:08:35] Doug Noll: with my jazz and blues? Just friends and family when I was playing irish and old time? Yeah. I had a band called Rosin the Bow and we played all over California and Chase Girls when I was younger and much younger and older today

[00:08:49] Stuart: it

[00:08:50] Doug Noll: was 50

[00:08:51] Stuart: five. I was there was a

[00:08:53] Doug Noll: blast, you know, I mean we had a blast with that playing really fun music. Yeah, we played, we played in bars and hotels all up and down the gold country California and ski resorts in places like that and just had a hell of a good time.

[00:09:06] Stuart: That's fantastic. So you learned how to learn and what does that, what does that mean for you? Like you being, you're saying like I could become a scratch golfer, I just want to put the time into it, just angered like probably 12 of this audience. How would you, how would you go about it? Like how does that start?

[00:09:26] Doug Noll: Okay, so the first thing I'm going to do, let's just take off, for example, because I have swung a golf cart before uh and taking a few lessons. So golf is, golf is a, it's a mental game and it's also uh takes a high degree of eye to hand coordination and micro muscle movement coordination, learning exactly how to work everything and you've got all these different levers that have got all got to be coordinated the other, that's what makes it so tough. But I do know from my martial arts training that the power of golf comes from your hips, not from your arms or your shoulders. So what I'm gonna do is find a coach who is willing to work with me and is extremely knowledge about, knowledgeable about the kinesiology of a golf swing, of all the different, you know, there are a number of different golf strokes and swings, right, So you got to master them all. So I'm going to find myself a coach who's also a kinesiology ist who really understands muscle memory, muscle movement and is also able to teach the how not the what. And then I'm gonna work with that coach two or 3 times a week For three or 4 years And in the day and the days that I'm not working with the coach, I'm going to have a I've got 10 acres, I could have my own golf course, but I probably put up a net put up in that and a small putting green And I would practice 2-3 hours a day every day, even on the days that I have a lesson and it will take me 3-5 hours depending on What it is. But I will be a scratch golfer at the end of that probably four years, 4-5 years at least.

[00:11:04] Stuart: Yeah, that seems realistic and it doesn't sound like you're just taking a magic pill.

[00:11:11] Doug Noll: No,

[00:11:12] Stuart: so I think that that's a, that's a pretty strong lesson. Is that any time you want to get really good at something you have to put, you have to dump a ton of time into it.

[00:11:21] Doug Noll: That's right. And it's got a quality time. For example, just this is the other thing I've learned. So in violin, violin pedagogy is really stupid. So people who are trained in classical violin, they learned all the wrong way And they can't improvise, they can't make up their own music if they're classically trained, in fact they're afraid of improvisation. What I've learned is that I've got to have the same technical skills as a good classical violinist. But I only practice one thing for five minutes and then I move on to something else, just five minutes every day just doing one little thing and over a year I become a master at that little thing. So right now for example I'm working on boing a boing techniques so you can't even hear the change of the bow, right? Classical players have this big click when they do the change of the boat. I want my boat, my bowing to be absolutely seamless. So I go up smooth, come back. Then, you can't even hear the change. So I spent I spend 5-10 minutes every day. We're learning isolating what that is. And it turns out it's a very like off, it's a very complex coordinated physical motion between the shoulder, the arm, the forearm, the wrist and the fingers. Mhm. And to click, the change comes from just a slight contraction of the hand as fast as you can make it without making any sound. I'm getting there.

[00:12:38] Stuart: Yeah,

[00:12:39] Doug Noll: so, so that, you know, so like with anything, I don't practice anything for any one particular skill for more than five minutes because your brain can't handle, your brain gets tired, so let the brain rest go onto something else, come back to it.

[00:12:54] Stuart: That's actually incredibly good advice and not the right same advice that I've given to other people. So I will change my advice because you're much better at learning than I am. Well, I

[00:13:04] Doug Noll: Had to learn how to learn because I had so many problems. You know, I grew up in the 50s and 60's and I was left handed too. I forgot to mention that. So, so I had to I had to learn from right handers. I had to learn from coaches and people who were not patient with me because I was uncoordinated. I couldn't run, I couldn't skip. I couldn't do Jack diddly with my body and I've never met a coach or a teacher who could really help me. Most of them, most of them got irritated and frustrated because I wasn't a natural athlete. So I said, I have to learn how to do this myself. And that's what turned me into a teacher. As I said, all right, I have to learn this stuff well enough that I can teach it. And I am never going to subject somebody that I'm teaching. Anything like skiing or white water or anything. I'm never going to subject them to the insults and the pain and the disrespect and the lack of patients that I got from every single teacher and coach I had from kindergarten all the way through high school. Not going to do it. Yeah.

[00:14:02] Stuart: Yeah. My brother in law's left naturally left handed and had to transition for all sports over to right handed because no coach, whatever. Um, and watching him play golf, you, you almost feel like he needs special parking. Um, when, when was the time you went? You know what? Uh, I want to go experience L. A. Law. Like you became a trial lawyer. That's a that's a that's not a small job, but that's a big job, that's not a

[00:14:36] Doug Noll: many, many hours of tedium and boredom.

[00:14:38] Stuart: Yeah. Yeah. And you did that for 22 years. You you're a trial lawyer, was it like L. A lot? I just imagine everything's like, no, so

[00:14:49] Doug Noll: I'll just tell you one story out of my law, one of my bigger cases I want, I only lost it. I did over 200 trials Over over over 22 years. Uh so I was a trial dog, not a litigator, big difference. uh and it wasn't infrequent that I would come up against big L. A. And san Francisco firms with senior partners who have never been in the courtroom before. And you know I was trying, I joined the firm, I clerked for a year for a judge and then I joined my firm in 78. I tried my first jury trial, I joined them from in September of 70 and I tried my first jury trial in November of 78. That's unheard of. That's how you become, that's how you become a trial where you should try cases,

[00:15:31] Stuart: right? Yeah.

[00:15:33] Doug Noll: Real school to go to, you just got to learn how to do it. So I, I want to tell this one story. So uh, my, one of my partners gave me a case where he was representing another lawyer in our community, uh, in an insurance case and without going into a lot of detail, um, I knew that I, this case was a loser. It wasn't gonna work unless I could find something that would really work. So uh, this is in central California in the middle of the summer, in August, it's typically 100 210°.. I had to go through a storage unit. Uh, you know 2020 ft tall, 30 ft back, 20 ft wide. Full of file boxes of files from a defunct insurance company. So I stripped down to my shorts, put a bandana around my head. And I went through that. I went through every single piece of paper in that storage shed and I found the smoking gun. And I want $10 million. I want $10 million dollars from my client in fraud, wow fraud. So that's what trial lawyer is all about it. I could have assigned it out to a young lawyer to an associate but I knew the associate wouldn't do it. I'll tell you another just another story. Uh Well I could be. So I I was co I was working with one of my partners on a large construction case against um a supplier and we were one of the things were there were problems with delays and stuff with and so it ended up costing our client the general contractor a lot of money with the state of California. And so we were suing the supplier because the supplier didn't deliver on time and the stuff they delivered it was crap. So one day we had we had a whole room full of boxes, nothing like the storage it but still it was a kind of a war room. And we had a young associate working on the case and I said okay I need this invoice and it's going to save this on it Now. There were probably 3 300 boxes in their bankers boxes full of documents. Again I've gone through every single piece of paper because I needed to know what was in there. And he came back to me and said well it's not there. And so well you looked all through all through all the boxes. Well yeah, so he came with me, we walked down the hall into the room and I went to middle of these boxes. I pulled out the right box, I flipped through the file and I pull out the paper and said what the fuck is this? You're fired?

[00:18:16] Stuart: Yeah. No kidding. How do you even go through if you're going through boxes and boxes of papers like what are you looking for? Like how do you even

[00:18:24] Doug Noll: you don't sometimes I don't even sometimes you don't even know and you all you know is that this is this is the this is the data and and the data doesn't mean anything to you until you've gone through it over and over and over again. And the reason that I was so good as a trial or is that I was able to deal with the boredom and the tedium of looking at tens of thousands of documents, read every single one of them another. I'll give you another example. I had a case where I was representing a general contractor. He's being, he was suit, he was being sued by a painting subcontractor and the painting subcategory screwed up the job. He couldn't, he couldn't get the job done in time. So my guy had to bring in another contractor subcontractor. So I had asked for all the time records of all the painters that were working on the job and the opposing lawyer who's a nice guy but he couldn't get him from his client until the friday before trial. We were going into trial on monday. I got those time cards, probably a stack up 500 600 timecards. And on friday morning I just I went through the time cards and I just, I just started looking at them and I went through the time cards five times until I saw the pattern and I said they're screwed. And the next morning or on monday morning we impanel a jury and Burnside puts up his subcontractor painting client goes to the direct examination, I grabbed the cards, I put up a white board and I demonstrate to this guy that he had more than enough people to man the job. He was just an incompetent schedule er and I showed it from his own time cards. And the only way way I did that was to go through those time cards over and over and over again. And then, and then we took a break and Burnside realized he was screwed. So he talked his client and, and and they dismissed the case with prejudice and we everybody absorbed on cost. So I walked back to, I'm back at the firm before lunch and one of my senior partners looked at me that you're supposed to be in trouble right now. And I said, yeah, it's over with. He said, what happened? I cross examined the plaintiff. They dismissed. Uh, he said, what?

[00:20:26] Stuart: That's amazing. I feel

[00:20:28] Doug Noll: that's what he L. A. Law. They don't show you that because no, they don't show you know that

[00:20:33] Stuart: it's hours

[00:20:34] Doug Noll: and hours and hours and hours of tv and boring, boring, boring stuff going in commercial and business litigation anywhere where you have to go through the documents and know them better than anybody else. And you will find the patterns and you'll find the smoking guns if you're willing to take the time. And I was, and that's why I want so much. Um, and other lawyers just weren't willing to do that kind of hard work.

[00:20:55] Stuart: No, I can't learn how to do that. Because

[00:20:58] Doug Noll: I was gonna say, I was gonna say because of all the difficulties I had growing up, I learned how to be patient, I learned how to how to deal with tedium and boredom and I learned how to deal with pain and boredom is painful. I learned how to deal with it. And so as hard as that was, it held me in good stead during the years that I was trying cases.

[00:21:18] Stuart: That's amazing. All right, I'm going to try and leapfrog right into. So the thing that really caught my eye with with you Doug was the prison of peace project. Now, 22 years as a trial lawyer, not a criminal trial.

[00:21:33] Doug Noll: Never, never did criminal,

[00:21:36] Stuart: but you somehow got into maximum security prisons and helped murderers become peacemakers. And mediators explain that to us. Okay, so

[00:21:49] Doug Noll: I left the practice of law in 2000 I decided that it was not my calling even though I was very good at it. And I I had gone back to school and got my Master's degree in Peacemaking and conflict studies to become a peacemaker. And immediate because I was really interested, I saw litigation as being a really inefficient way of solving human conflict and everybody was going to litigation because they didn't have any other skills to resolve conflict and people were afraid to talk to each other and lots of problems. I go back to school to get my Masters degree, leave the firm set up a mediation peacemaking practice, which does very well, Recession hits in 2000 and it wipes me, doesn't I don't file bankruptcy but my practice basically blows away. And so I started writing, started doing online stuff, learned more about online marketing that I'd known before. And then in 2010 um with my colleague Lauren carpet, we get the opportunity to Teach 15 women who are all lifers and long termers, many of the murderers um in the largest, most violent women's prison in the world, how to become mediators and peacemakers to stop the violence in the prison. And that's where it started. And part of the curriculum that we used was de escalation technique that I developed in my mediation practice Back in 2004. And by the time the the original training was 12 weeks long. By the time we got into about week eight we had 300 women on a waiting list wanting to learn. And so we stayed in that prison for three years until we had trained we trained inmates to be trainers. That's why we work with life is in long term. They can now be

[00:23:24] Stuart: committed there.

[00:23:25] Doug Noll: Right, Well, that's how it started and today. Well of course the pandemic shut everything down. But before the pandemic, we were in 15 California prisons, the prison Connecticut, 14 prisons in Greece and startups in Nairobi and Italy, and a bunch of other states wanting to get this program started. And so of course the pandemic shut things down. We did the distance learning. But now what's really cool is we're putting the whole curriculum on video and we'll be able to send Dvds and train facilitators outside people, not inmates, facilitators, how to use the videos via zoom and then they can go in and we can put prison a piece into any prison in the world that speak english that wants to do this.

[00:24:07] Stuart: That's amazing. It's cutting, its cutting down on the

[00:24:12] Doug Noll: violence in prison. Absolutely. We've gotten letters wardens from yard captains, from, I mean, the stuff we and of course the inmates themselves, We see that if we on a yard with 1000 inmates, if we can train up about 15 or 20 of them to fully be mediators, the violence drops precipitously within a year. And when did that happen? Over and over again.

[00:24:35] Stuart: What are the things that you're teaching them? Like, are you teaching them like, Vulcan death grips? Like, no,

[00:24:43] Doug Noll: actually our premises when we go in is that we're working with a population of people who have varying degrees of mental acuity, varying degrees of mental health, um, have only known violence as a way of resolving conflict. So they have no real peacemaking skills whatsoever. And so we start, and before we can even get them to teach them the mediation process, we've got to build up some basic skills. So in the first workshop we teach them how to listen reflectively listened. Not active listening, but reflective listening very different. And we also teach them how to deescalate anger. And we teach them how to be leaders in what we call listening, peace circles, listening circles. Then in the second works that they get through all of that, a lot of homework uh they get through that. Then we teach them how to make durable agreements. How do you reach an agreement with somebody and make sure that that person that you're making agreement we want will perform the agreement. And then what do you do if they don't? Because that's a big cause of conflict in prison. I learnt you £5 of coffee and you're supposed to pay me back next week, and you don't pay me back. And now the knives come out how to how to help people solve a problem without giving advice how to manage strong emotions, your own and other people and then how to morally reengage people, people who are morally disengaged, which is kind of an important thing to be able to do in prison. And then once they've gotten through all of that and they've gotten all those skills master. Then we take them through the mediation training and we teach them how to be a mediator and then they and then they go out and they've got to practice under our supervision. Mediation. And when they demonstrated to us that they can successfully walk into a conflict that's on the edge of violence and sought help people solve it peacefully. Then we certify them as mediators.

[00:26:29] Stuart: Now see that sounds like a life skill. We should be teaching everybody, not just inmates. Right?

[00:26:35] Doug Noll: That's correct. In fact, that's what got me started on my book. De escalate and now teaching people how to develop emotional competency. Because I realized that, Well, first of all, I must have, I'm probably taught thousands of inmates, but you know, they all come to me and say if I had learned these skills 20 years ago, I wouldn't be imprisoned right now. And then I started looking at families. And I read a statistic that 96 of all families are emotionally dysfunctional. Uh, and the agent seems low. Yeah. And the Aces study that shows that um adverse childhood experiences, including normal emotional abuse that parents do to Children, even though they love their Children, they still abuse them, um leads to really bad medical outcomes later in life. Heart disease, cancer, um diabetes, of course not. of course we've got drug addiction and crime and high divorce rates and all this stuff. It all comes from unintentional emotional abuse that occurs in childhood. So I just kind of made it my calling to get this word out about don't don't invalidate validate, learn how to listen other people into existence through these skills.

[00:27:44] Stuart: That's a that's an interesting statement. Listen people into existence. Can you dive into that a little bit? I like the statement and I like the sentiment behind it.

[00:27:53] Doug Noll: So what it means is that in is that we learn how to listen to and reflect back people's emotional experiences. So I would say something like so supposing you were pissed off at something Stuart. I would say something else Stewart man, you are really pissed off, You're really angry, you feel deeply disrespected, you don't feel appreciated, you don't feel listened to you feel sad and you're really anxious, you feel abandoned and unloved. It's really making you angry and pissed off. I just listened to into existence because what I did was instead of trying to fix the problem, instead of trying to argue whether you have the right to feel mad or not, all I did is reflect your emotional existence and when you do that, the person that the speaker is so grateful. It's probably the first time in their lives, One when they felt emotionally safe and two, they felt like somebody really understands and gets where they're coming from. And this is the skill we teach our inmates, the first school we teach them is this skill, and it's the skill that I've taught tens of thousands of people around the world That are not in prison. It's the basis of my 4th book and it's the most and it is the foundational skill of life foundation. That's

[00:29:11] Stuart: That that book is the de escalate how to calm an angry person in 90 seconds or less

[00:29:18] Doug Noll: Right now. Here's what, here's what is really cool about this. I I discovered this by happenstance in 2004 in a difficult mediation, but in 2000 and seven, Matthew Lieberman, who's a neuroscientist at U. C. L. A. Uh published a brain scanning study where he where he showed why this works in the brain. We're hardwired for this. And so there's really strong Euro cent. Now. There are nine or 10 studies out there that have replicated this and just show that this is, there's a neural process that's involved in this that makes it work every single time without failure. And and once you master this skill, everything in your life changes. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

[00:30:01] Stuart: Yeah. How long have you been married?

[00:30:05] Doug Noll: Uh this is my second marriage. We've been married. We've been married 13 years.

[00:30:11] Stuart: I did probably going pretty good because if you've got these skills managed,

[00:30:15] Doug Noll: my marriage is awesome. I I never believed that marriage could be the way that it is this the way our marriage is, is the way that everybody talks about fairy book marriages. Yeah. My first marriage was not that way because I was emotionally shut down. My wife was, my first wife was emotionally shut down. We were both highly skilled professional people, but we were emotional infants and we never developed our own. Didn't even know that we were that way. And it just led to conflict after conflict. And um But once I started mastering these skills, you know, I started I discovered these skills in 2004, started refining them, teaching them. You know, I got remarried in 2008 and the prison project started in 2010 which is where we really refined the skills acid tested in maximum security presence. And ever since then it's just been amazing. I mean I've I've got all the world teaching this to people and of all different walks of life from the kind of the congressional budget office and trained senior analyst how to deescalate members of Congress and their staff. So imagine maximum security prisons to the CBO

[00:31:23] Stuart: quite ones worth Which one is harder to teach

[00:31:27] Doug Noll: them are hard. I mean the CBO analysts are all introverts. They're extremely bright people, many of them have double phds and so so they come with a rational mindset and I blew them out of the water. I said you know, you know Human beings are 98 emotional and only two rational. And you guys, you guys are all based on rationality which is great but you've got to understand that you are only addressing two of what makes us human. And when you're dealing with congressional members of Congress and their staffs, they're emotional. There's not a there's not a liquor rationality in them. And they were saying, yeah, they're all irrational. I said no, they're not here. It's not the very irrational. Is that their emotional and you guys have never learned how to look at their look at them and look at emotions as data and learn how to work with that data in a very sophisticated, scientifically based manner. And once I said that they got it and then I just we went through the process of how you learn that's beautiful, master these skills.

[00:32:26] Stuart: That is amazing real quick. Any interesting flying stories? Do you have? Like one of those? Like,

[00:32:34] Doug Noll: almost proud. Never almost crashed, but sure have scared myself.

[00:32:39] Stuart: You've flown a helicopter?

[00:32:41] Doug Noll: I've got a helicopter rating,

[00:32:43] Stuart: wow. That helicopter's seem like dark magic to me. Well, never been in one. I've seen. They love

[00:32:51] Doug Noll: helicopters. I haven't flown, flown one in 25 years. So if I were to go out, If I wanted to fly a helicopter, I'd have to go out and get flight instruction. At least 10 hours of recurrent training to make sure that I'm safe. Helicopters are interesting. Um, airplanes are aerodynamically very stable. So once you get the airplane moving, it's off the ground, you get up to altitude. Autopilots on it'll fly itself until it runs out of fuel. You don't even have to touch the controls. Not so with the helicopter helicopter aerodynamically unstable. So you have to Why it all the time. In the five different things, you've got five different controls on a helicopter. You've got your two anti torque pedals, throttle the collective and and so you've got all and you've got all these things you've got to manage at the same time. And the first thing you learn to do in the helicopter is how to hover. That took me about eight or nine hours to like have a good hover. Then once I learned how to have it, basically, it's an airplane and well, man emergency procedures, which in the helicopter are obviously different than an airplane, but they're cool. Uh

[00:33:55] Stuart: the

[00:33:56] Doug Noll: thing about a helicopter is, you know, you you can you don't need uh, you know, three or 4000 ft runway to put a helicopter down. You need just need a little patch of something and you learn how to power your power off at 1000 or 13:00 ft and you learn how to that. You look down in the plexiglass bubble, you look down where your feet are, that's where you're landing, right? So you, so you can maneuver if you're going down, you're looking for that spot, you a flare. I mean you learn and you practice that other rotation till you're sick of it. Um because it's got to be second nature because that's that's how you get down if you have a power failure. So yeah, I've had, I've had some crazy, crazy experiences flying mostly say that, but I never, I never really got myself, I got myself in some situations where I thought this is not good and I bailed out. I got climbed out and got away and said that was stupid. Um but uh I've never been in a situation where I really felt like, I mean it was harry but I didn't think I am going to die. Okay. So I mean, I think like one time I was for a long time, my wife was in santa Barbara had to practice in santa Barbara. So I was commuting back and forth between Fresno and I don't live in the present. I lived 40 miles north but in the mountains, but my planes down In the present report and so I can be back and forth about a 45 minute flight down to Santa Barbara and one time I had, I can't, I was coming back but there was a front coming through and I kind of checked where the edge of the front was going to be a lot of rain and I said, I think I can beat it. I probably shouldn't have gone because I got up and there are big tall mountains in California has a lot of mountains and there's a range of mountains along the coastal range which are quite tall. You've got to be up and around 11,000 ft to clear those mountains and to be safe. I got up and all of a sudden I'm in the clouds, the rain starting and I lose all my electronics and uh yeah some water got inside and just sort of everything is sort of shorted out. So you there are things there are procedures that you do to to let air traffic control, no that you got a problem. And I could hear their air traffic controller told me squat this if you you know if you can hear me do this. So I did that. So they knew that I could hear him. I couldn't talk to them. I heard these jet pilots and all that poor slob. He's down the clouds with no radios and then they have so I just navigate. I knew I could navigate and I did beat the front. Eventually it broke out and after about five minutes, 10 minutes of clean dry air, everything dried out and the transmitter came back and I said oh I'm back with you, I'd like to descend, please get out of this. They were quite happy to hear from me and and said, yep. And so I got in and landed and just as I got the airplane back in my hangar, this huge front came over and just torrential rains and that's, I just caught the edge of it. So it was kind of, it was spooky but you're trained for it. So I mean it was uncomfortable, it was kind of hairy, but as long as they were playing straight and level on flying and I'm high enough, I'm not gonna get anything. I'm okay and I know I'm going to get out of it eventually.

[00:37:10] Stuart: Right man. I, if I run out of phone battery when I'm in the bathroom, I panic. I don't even know what I would do in that situation. I um All right, well Doug I could talk to you all day, but I know you got things to do and so it is time to record a sketch when people talk about how they got stories. Man. Doug got stories. That was pretty amazing. I mean I've never come close to a near death experience like that and the fact that he probably didn't just shook it off and got back up on their just amazing. Hey Doug do me a favor. Make sure you let everybody know how they can learn more about your programs and about you.

[00:38:02] Doug Noll: First of all, I'm a one man guy. I have no entourage. I have no big people behind me. Just go to google dot com that gets you to the home page and then from there you can just explore. I've got many, many articles on everything I've talked about today, at least around peacemaking and de escalation, emotional compensate. There you go. Um, if you need to email me, it's really difficult dug at gmail dot com and I respond to all my own emails so feel free to reach out. I've got a ton of youtube's and you can find me on linkedin twitter facebook. I'm not big on social media. I've got more of a lengthen presence than anywhere else. But um, I post, but I don't hang out there again. Social media like television, time for

[00:38:37] Stuart: well Doug. I hope you have enough time to listen to your brilliant sketch. You're good enough, you're smart enough and Doug on it. The force is with you. Why is Snow Cap making me waste my time with this anger management crap? Uh, here's the door. Yes. Are you dr knoll?

[00:39:01] Doug Noll: I am. And you are.

[00:39:04] Stuart: My name is Kylo Ren, and I am here because my stupid staff at the Empire just doesn't seem to understand. They need to get things done and they don't do it fast enough and I get so angry, I just can't help it, but slice them in half.

[00:39:21] Doug Noll: So you're really frustrated, you feel really disrespected and nobody listens to you. Nobody appreciates you. You've got a lot of anxiety around that because you can't get stuff done and you're a little sad because you want the respect that you're not getting and the whole thing just really pisses you off,

[00:39:40] Stuart: it does really piss me off and I've got these voices in my head, they keep talking to me, I've got smoke, telling me what a fool I am, if I don't get things done, and then I've got Ray, who's I keep seeing her and then she's telling me how awful and evil I am,

[00:39:57] Doug Noll: you've got all these voices in you that are telling you shaming you, so you feel a lot of shame, a lot of humiliation and you are being constantly reminded you aren't good enough and that really frustrates you and pisses you off because you know deep inside you're a good person and you have the capacity for love and you have the capacity to be compassionate, but you've got all this other shame and humiliation, embarrassment going on that is moving you in a direction away from where you want to be.

[00:40:23] Stuart: My biggest shame is that I'll never be Darth vader, even though he was my grandfather Han Solo and Princess Leia and my parents and I can't seem to escape that and I just want to murder them.

[00:40:37] Doug Noll: So you are really enraged over the fact that you cannot be like a grandfather and you feel like a lot of shame and humiliation because you're not living up to the people truly brought you into the world and love you and it just makes you so infuriated that you just want to lash out

[00:40:54] Stuart: with my life saver and I like to cut people in half

[00:40:57] Doug Noll: so you really enjoy power and you really enjoy demonstrating power because that suits you, it suits your anxiety. The choices you've made so far are to use that kind of violence to soothe your anxiety and the quiet, the shame and humiliation you're feeling.

[00:41:14] Stuart: So I feel less like using my lightsaber to chop off people's heads.

[00:41:20] Doug Noll: So you're feeling like it's not such an impulse now and maybe you're feeling some hope rather than despair, that there's a better way or at least a different way.

[00:41:28] Stuart: Did did you just use the word hope

[00:41:31] Doug Noll: I did?

[00:41:46] Stuart: I have to hand it to smoke? I do feel better. I really hope you enjoyed this episode of sketch comedy podcast show. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed making it head over to sketch comedy podcast show dot com. If you'd like to hear more episodes, find out more about the show or if you are an interesting person, even apply to be on the show. Sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons attribution no derivatives four point oh international license

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