Sexistential U – Details, episodes & analysis

Janis and Rachel reflect on the process of creating Season 2 of Sexistential U, including how we heal and practice self-care through experiences of sexualization and power, and how we understand our roles as educators and therapists with humility.

Rachel and Janis discuss internalized oppression and how and why it functions. 

Quote 1:

"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all, hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl." - Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Quote 2:

"Reenvisioned, anger can be the most feminine of virtues: compassionate, fierce, wise, and powerful. The women I admire most—those who have looked to themselves and the limitations and adversities that come with our bodies and the expectations that come with them—have all found ways to transform their anger into meaningful change. In them, anger has moved from debilitation to liberation.

Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.” - Soraya Chemaly, Rage Becomes Her

• Internalized Oppression
• Reframing Internalized Oppression and Internalized Domination: From the Psychological to the Sociocultural
• The Strange, Sad Case Of Laci Green — Feminist Hero Turned Anti-Feminist Defender
• Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes - Ev’yan Whitney
• Wildflower Sex and the Perpetuation of White Supremacy in Sex Positive Spaces
• Cameron Glover
• Ashleigh Chubby Bunny
• Sex Ed In Color

Q to Audience: When did you first recognize your own internalized oppression or see it in someone else?

Rachel and Janis discuss patriarchy and toxic masculinity and how it hurts men (and also everyone else).

Resources:

• What we mean when we say toxic masculinity
• Bell Hooks: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
• History of Incels (Involuntary Celibates)
• The Rage of Incels
• How Men's Rights Activists are not really fighting for men's rights
• Male Contraception
• Class Status and the Construction of Black Masculinity
• @KissAndCurse - Instagram
• Kevin Powell On Moving Beyond His Own Toxic Masculinity
• Talk Like A Man
• The Good Men Project
• A Call to Men
• Eldra Jackson: How I unlearned dangerous lessons about masculinity

Q for the audience: What are some patriarchal truths that you’re holding on to? What purpose does it serve in your life?

Rachel and Janis talk about nicknames for body parts and sex, how they impact how we think and feel about ourselves, and explore the concept of body autonomy.

Resources:

• Genital Nicknames - Vagina/Vulva
• Genital Nicknames - Penis
• Nicknames - Intercourse
• Body Autonomy
• Your Body Belongs To You - Children's Book
• A Mighty Girl - blog
• Sex Positive Parenting
• Teaching Kids About Consent
• Raising Kids Without Sexual Shame - Facebook
• Sex Positive Families - Facebook
• The Ethical Slut - Book
• Pleasure Activism - Book
• Pleasure Activism - Podcast

Q to audience: Why do you think we didn’t just call genitals and sex by their actual names? What is the result of having alternative nicknames? How does it contribute to shame?

Janis and Rachel talk about Hustlers (and the problematic behind the scenes of Hustlers) and what we really, really want from sex worker representation in media. (Hint: We want stories WRITTEN BY SEX WORKERS.)

Read:

• "I'm Not A Stripper, But I Play One on TV" - Janis's review of Hustlers at Autostraddle
• #TWEETYOURHUSTLE BRINGS VISIBILITY AND PRAISE FOR SOME ‘HUSTLERS’ — BUT NOT SEX WORKERS
• Why Some Sex Workers Aren't Happy With Hustlers

Rachel and Janis explore some of the history of sex negativity and introduce the Circles of Sexuality.

**Rachel made a mistake when she was speaking about the Victorian Era coming from England... she mistakenly shared that there was a reciprocal relationship with the UK, she meant the US. 

Resources: 

• Circles of Sexuality
• 19th Century Sexual Mores
• Jugum Penis
• Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives
• Pornography and Prostitution
• Theresa Berkley
• Slutist Tarot Deck
• GEMS - Girls Education & Mentoring Services
• Very Young Girls - Documentary
• Hysteria - Rachel Maines got it wrong
• Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke - Decolonizing Sexuality
• Bianca Laureano - Women of Color Sexual Health Network
• Margaret Atwood
• Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape
• Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture
• GLSEN - No Promo Homo Laws
• Abstinence-Only Sex Education
• FOSTA-SESTA, 
• Vox FOSTA-SESTA
• Toxic masculinity as a health issue

Q to Audience: If you grew up with more information about sexuality, how would your social and sexual interactions be different?

Get to know Rachel and Janis, our backgrounds in sex ed and sex therapy, and why we're here to bring you the sex ed you deserve!

Q to audience: What are some of your sexistential crises?

Rachel and Janis talk about intimate partner violence, the warning signs, why it's hard to leave, who gets left out of the conversation about IPV (the invisible victim/survivors), the idea that "hurt people hurt people," and where to look for help. 

Janis and Rachel talk about dynamics of sexualization and power inherent in incest and rape both from an intellectual/fantasy perspective and in the context of real life power dynamics and harm.