Rich Queer Aunties – Details, episodes & analysis

Show Notes:In this episode of Rich Queer Aunties, we bring it all together - how our personal journeys of healing and self-discovery are deeply connected to yours. After sharing our own vulnerable stories in the last two episodes, today we reflect on what it all means for you, our dear queer babies, and why your healing matters.Christabel and Kachi discuss the importance of storytelling in the healing process and how being open about our struggles can help others feel seen. We share lessons learned from our journeys - how healing isn’t linear, how being present with your emotions is crucial, and why your story, just like ours, carries weight.In this episode, we explore:The importance of seeing yourself in someone else’s storyWhy your healing is essential to both you and the world around youNavigating self-compassion and forgiveness through the messy process of growthPractical steps for being present with your emotions and staying groundedWhy community matters, and how it helps you stay accountable on your healing journeyUnderstanding that it’s okay to struggle with the same issues, even after years of workThis episode is for anyone who feels like they’re navigating their own healing journey and wondering if it’s all worth it. It’s a reminder that your process matters - not just for you, but for those around you, and for the collective queer community.Join us as we share our stories to remind you: your healing matters.Listen now on:Apple PodcastsSpotifyGoogle PodcastsStitcherFollow us on Instagram:@richqueerauntiesJoin our Creative Community for Creatives of Diasporic Origin:Oganihu Collective Shop Our Merch Store:Rich Queer Aunties ShopEpisode Chapters:00:00 Welcome Back to Rich Queer Aunties01:10 The Power of Sharing Vulnerable Stories03:34 The Role of Storytellers in the Community04:52 Advice for the Younger Self06:46 Being Present and Mindful09:49 Handling Emotions and Inner Critic14:06 The Importance of Community and Mirroring15:46 The Challenge of Long-Term Healing24:31 Choosing Love and Sharing Wisdom27:05 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Rich Queer Aunties, Christabel's partner, Kachi, returns to the podcast to interview Christabel. They delve into Christabel's journey of healing through therapy, navigating complex PTSD, and embracing her authentic self.Christabel shares personal stories about her struggles with anger and emotional outbursts, her challenging experiences growing up in an abusive household, and her journey to self-worth and acceptance, despite the lack of support from her religious community. The conversation also touches on the importance of a secure therapeutic relationship, the role of self-compassion, and practical steps for emotional regulation and personal growth.Additionally, Christabel introduces her new initiative, Oganihu Collective, a community for creatives from the diaspora. Become an Oganihu Collective founding member by November 30, 2024 for $10/month here. This honest and heartfelt discussion is a beacon for anyone on their own journey to live authentically and heal from past trauma.Stay connected on:Instagram: @christabelmintahgalloway@richqueerauntiesSubstack: Boldly Authentic SubstackIf you enjoyed this podcast, please like and rate it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your ratings and reviews matter immensely. Share this episode with someone who could benefit from it. Until next time, take care of yourself.Chapters:00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back00:19 Kachi Interviews Christabel00:42 Christabel's Healing Journey02:08 The Pivotal Moment05:28 Seeking Therapy07:32 Therapeutic Relationship17:00 Books and Resources20:25 Changing the Dance25:20 Coming Out Story26:20 Embracing Self-Worth and Confidence27:20 Coming Out and Facing Rejection28:13 Therapy and Validation32:01 The Power of Self-Trust34:30 Introducing Oganihu Collective35:52 Balancing Healing and Coping Mechanisms38:29 Navigating Relationships and Trust41:14 The Journey of Mindfulness and Imperfection48:26 Concluding Reflections and Gratitude Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Is meme repost culture gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing the work? Doing the work irl and finding your people.  In this episode, I talk about:Examining our beliefsDoing the work to figure out what’s yours and what’s not. Showing up fully in all our messiness to find our people instead of faking it till we make itReposting mental health memes alone does not the work make.Listen, share, and let’s discuss. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Capitalism and pay me for my work: My struggle with the nuances therein.> How I broke my ankle> Feeling less alone by listening to the stories of others> How much I make as a nurse> I started a Patreon https://www.patreon.com/Christabelmintahgalloway. Become a patron if you’ll like to support me monetarily. > Why I priced/tiered my Patreon the way I did and why I need to keep my 9-5 job> Can I make a living doing what I love> Are these questions as a result of my indoctrination into capitalism> I don’t want to be a starving artist; I did enough starving in my childhood to last a lifetime> Why I would charge more for my time than a hospital pays me on the hour.> I had my first ever speaking gig yesterday speaking at a local college.> Ultimately, I’m choosing to face the work. The work is what I love and what I’ll focus on. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

I’ve had many relationships over the years all with trials but none has been as impactful as my current one with my partner and that with my mom over our lifetime. I believe that our relationships can be outstanding teachers if we are in the right space to be a student. Otherwise, it becomes about blame game. Focusing on the other person’s shortcomings or how they’re toxic or and anything else that is not how we can learn about ourselves from that relationship. Disclaimer *this is not talking about truly abusive relationships*It feels like taboo to talk about thing like your relationship is hard but you both remain intentional about remaining in it but that’s why I think we should. There were so many things that have happened throughout our relationship that many people (and us) would say we probably should have broken up in our first year. I had a lot of anger from a life filled with painful moments. I had grown up a specific way where we yelled, screamed, hit people, thrown things etc. I was always ready to rumble if I felt hurt. Ginele also came into the relationship with her unique set of conditioning. So yeah, it was tumultuous. When I met Ginele, I had just had a pretty nasty divorce a few months prior after 4 years of a pretty abusive relationship. Of course I loved Ginele, but I had conditioning that I hadn’t worked on. My favorite thing to say was I am who I am and if you don’t like it, oh well. While secretly, I felt ashamed of the ways I acted out. But after a year of utter chaos, the love I had for her and the love she had for me motivated me for the first time to see if I can change the way I expressed my emotions. Five years later, here I am, grown and healed in so many ways. And six years into our relationship, the lessons keep coming. While there are things I desperately wish I could change in our history, I can honestly say that she has been the truest reflection of myself that I’ve ever had. It’s so hard to see yourself. It’s much easier to see someone else and tell them what they need to work on. Shifting from that to just seeing yourself, sitting with that revelation, accepting it, and looking for ways to gain new skills to help you navigate life and your relationships with more ease is life-changing work. Our culture has taught us to throw in the towel early. If it’s hard in a certain manner, or for a prolonged period, or in a recurrent way, it’s not meant to be. And while I’m sure the sentiment that love should be easy resonates with and is true for some people, it’s never resonated with me. I don’t know of any uncomplicated relationships. I’ve never seen that, and so I don’t relate. What I know though and have witnessed in my life is the magic that comes from using love as a catalyst to learn, evolve, grow and repair relationships that matter to us. By Instagram standards, I should have disavowed my mom so long ago. We have a very difficult history filled with abuse and it was the worst relationship in my life for a really long time. But when I started therapy and just talking about and processing everything that I went through in her hands, I learned compassion for her and by extension for self. She did the best with the knowledge she had. She saw certain treatments that were incredibly harmful to me as normal. So, when I learned the skills of telling her how what she did affected me, the skills of setting boundaries with her, and her (unspoken) determination to do the work, our relationship changed for the better. And it’s still evolving to this day. I’m so glad I stuck it out with her. And that’s kinda how I feel about Ginele and I. It’s been so hard. We have traumatic memories that I’d rather not have. We’ve married, there’s been infidelities, we’ve divorced, there are trust issues, there’s still a fairly regular conversation about if we’ll make it. If perhaps the hurt is too much to overcome. So, we work, we go to therapy, we fight, we cry, we threaten to leave weekly because it fe Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Back Like I never LeftHere’s a quick update on what I’ve been up do in the last three months. To include: COVID- 19 emergency relief work in southern TexasI turned 35 during first hurricane ever! In Mexico!!Not being sure of who you want to be when you grow upDealing with self-doubt, a different brain and a world that demands productivityHealing from religious indoctrination in order to find my voice (ps. still searching). And so many more...30 minutes of just chatting it up. I'll be back to recording more regularly now that I’m finally choosing to slow life down a little bit. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Q&A : Coming out, skin care, organized religion, and more.In my first Q&A, I tackle questions asked on IG about how I came out, what my skin care routine is, what I think of organized religion after being an active participant in one for two decades.I loved all the questions that came through! I do think I missed a couple that we’re sent in my DMs because I couldn’t find it but there’ll be other opportunities to do this again in the future.Resource: @ihartericka on IG for antiracist education for younger adults Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Aberrant Behavior - Black joy, white fragility, and everything in betweenAn episode where I just ramble about a few things weighing on my mind to include:New white activists, I need an explanation on why you never saw racism until now. In fact, don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical. I believe you’ve always known, you just didn’t want to sacrifice that promotion by speaking up. While it’s great for the collective human race that you’re choosing to be co-conspirators, just know that there’s a mental and emotional toll that your sudden awakening is taking on Black people - well, I’ll just say me because Black is not a monolith.White fragility and white tears and white guilt are boring and so tired and like get over it so you can get to work. Acknowledge your feelings because they’re worthwhile but don’t over identify with it and certainly don’t let it leave you paralyzed into inaction.Black joy is revolutionary so fellow Black people, do all you can to cultivate it. Live your life fully, joyously, unapologetically. I talk about getting back to my self care practices that ensures that I keep that joy popping.Until next time,xoc. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Not Racist? Not Enough! - How to become anti-racist.This is from my perspective as an African who wasn’t always anti-racist. Being Black wasn’t enough for me, I had to become actively anti-racist. Many Black activist resist the idea of teaching anti-racism to white people and NBPOC because they are tired. I still have some energy so let’s go!Not being racist is the bare minimum, you don’t get cookies for it. And this goes for all Africans or non American Black people, people of color and other immigrants. Some ways you can become actively anti-racist:First of all fight the egotistical need to be seen as not-racist. Not being racist is not enough, the goal is to be actively anti racistPick up a book, many books and educate yourself on the racist past and present of America. Education really is key, take the time to actually educate yourself. Begin to notice anti Blackness in movies and the media. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Then help your family and friends see it too.When Black people tell you something is racist, believe us. It’s not in our heads. It’s not made up. We don’t make everything about race. Teach your kids to see color. Them being color blind is part of the problem. Say the word Black when referring to Black people. It’s not a dirty word. We’re not inherently violent. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe

Aberrant Behavior Episode 5 - Liberation from Subconscious Conditioning In this episode, I talk about how most of our behaviors and what we consider our personalities are as a result of subconscious conditioning. As always, I draw from my experience. When I wanted to change behavior patterns that were no longer serving me, I thought it was a matter of willpower but after that failed me time and time again, I decided to dig deeper.Some of the things I talk about are:How I got to a place where I could forgive my ex-wife (and regain closes friendship with her) for cheating on me twice before our first anniversary.Hint: it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me focusing on transmuting my pain into powerful behavior changethe difference between the colloquial use of the term EGO and it's use in human psychology. And why it is important to get familiar with our Ego in order to stop- operating from a place of subconscious conditioningI mention the book The  Four agreements and how learning about them is changing my lifeunlearning parental and societal conditioning. Why do we believe what we belive? Is it a matter of genetics or mere social conditioning?How can you be sure that YOU hate body hair?Our parents/earliest caregivers are not perfect, they're just people with their own traumas who happened to procreate. Should owe then take their word as gospel?Goal of all this workgetting free from bondage from our thoughts and feelingsleaving the prison of our mindsmoving through life with intentionbeing able to witness our thoughts and make the associations and own our s**t without ascribing blame to other peopleunlearning conditioned beliefsgetting to know our truest selvesimproving our inner peace and wellbeingimproving our relationships all aroundin relationships, I notice when patterns are repeating themselves and I can better detach and recalibrateResources:The Four Agreements: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_AgreementsThe difference between the colloquial use of ego and the psychological use: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/wisdom/whats-the-best-way-to-define-ego/Dr. Nicole LePera. She has some amazing FREE resources on doing Ego work: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/I wish you all a happy healing!Love, xoc. Get full access to Rich Queer Aunties at christabelmintahgalloway.substack.com/subscribe