Real Over Ideal – Details, episodes & analysis

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the intricacies of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), exploring its unique approach and why it often gets misunderstood. She highlights the therapy's blend of cognitive techniques with mindfulness and emotion regulation, and discusses its potential pitfalls when applied rigidly. Vanessa offers alternative strategies for distress tolerance and emphasizes the importance of context and flexibility in therapy.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hello Listener:

If you’re enjoying this show: Please don’t forget to subscribe, rate the podcast and share with friends. Thank you for listening, wherever you are, around the globe.

In this episode, Vanessa discusses her recording with podcast host and author, Kate Moryoussef, for the December 18th, 2025 episode of the “ADHD Women's Wellbeing” podcast. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-womens-wellbeing-podcast/id1605386171

In that episode of the ADHD Women’s Well-being Podcast, Vanessa and Kate discuss the role of OT for ADHD, particularly for adults, insights about ADHD and neurodiversity, internal family systems, and dialectical behavioral therapy. 

This episode of Real Over Ideal is a behind the scenes glimpse at Vanessa ‘s post-recording thoughts and an expansion/ preview (depending on when you are listening!) of some of the topics discussed on Kate’s podcast. 

Watch for the episode on ADHD Women's Wellbeing Pod and remember to keep it real over ideal. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of aging, challenging societal norms and embracing the wisdom and creativity that come with age. Is it all about dieting and resistance to change?

Aging for many people has become a cocktail of GLP-1 medications, skincare routines, and looking back to when we were younger than today. But where does acceptance fit in? In this episode of Real Over Ideal, we explore the the evidence,  hype and the mindset shifts that really matter if you want to age with strength, confidence, and self-compassion.

Vanessa discusses the cultural pressures to fight aging and highlights the importance of creativity, purpose, and adaptability in maintaining a fulfilling life as we grow older. 

The episode features insights from the documentary 'Do Not Go Gently,' which celebrates the lives of super-agers and the role of lifelong creativity in successful aging: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0971164/

This is the podcast if you're seeking wisdom about aging at any age-- it's a must listen for anyone feeling the challenges of getting older.

Bonus:
Does "Do not go gently" sound familiar? Here's the poetic reference...

Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night- By Dylan Thomas

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46569/do-not-go-gentle-into-that-good-night

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,   

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the concept of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), exploring its emotional impact, particularly for those with ADHD. She discusses the physiological responses to perceived rejection and offers practical strategies for managing these intense feelings. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding RSD, developing coping mechanisms, and fostering open communication about emotional experiences.

Takeaways

Rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response to perceived rejection.
RSD is often linked with ADHD but can affect anyone.
The brain reacts to social rejection similarly to physical pain.
Understanding RSD can help in managing emotional responses.
Naming the reaction can create distance from overwhelming feelings.
Practical strategies include the three-minute rule and creating a proof bank.
Rejection rehearsal can desensitize the fear of rejection.
It's important to communicate about RSD with others for support.
Healing involves learning to take risks without fear of rejection.
Most people are not analyzing us as critically as we fear. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

**Update: Since this episode was recorded: Real Over Ideal has been downloaded in a total of 33 countries!

Thank you for the support from: 

USA, Canada, Germany, Singapore, UK, Brazil, Argentina, Czechia, Australia, Poland, France, India, South Africa, Denmark, Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Finland, UAE, Iceland, Italy, Poland, Ireland, Zambia, Greece, Ghana, Morocco, Malaysia, Serbia, Vietnam, Ecuador, Turkey, Philippinesl & Uraguay.

In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa talks about the highly sensitive person type (HSP). 

Do you know someone who slips away away from social gatherings, gets overwhelmed by noises or bright lights, or cries easily? They are probably an HSP.

Vanessa shares the challenges and strengths of living with heightened sensitivity.

Tune in to explore the signs of being an HSP, the importance of honoring one's needs, and how sensitivity can be a powerful strength in a high-stimulation world. 

Whether you're an HSP or know someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement. Join us as we normalize sensitivity and celebrate it as a unique way to experience the world.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin and Andrew Luber discuss Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), exploring its definition, subtypes, and the lived experiences of those affected. Andrew shares his personal journey with ARFID, highlighting the challenges and coping strategies he has developed. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding, support, and humor in navigating the complexities of ARFID, while also providing practical tips for managing the disorder. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their experiences and seek help when needed, reinforcing the message that they are not alone in their struggles with food aversion.

ARFID is a serious eating disorder that affects many people.
It is distinct from other eating disorders, focusing on food aversion rather than body image.
There are three main subtypes of ARFID: avoidant, aversive, and restrictive.
Lived experiences, like Andrew's, provide valuable insights into managing ARFID.
Practical tips, such as gradual exposure and using humor, can help cope with ARFID.
Support from friends and family is crucial for those with ARFID.
Creating a comfortable environment can ease the challenges of eating.
Understanding ARFID can reduce stigma and promote awareness.
It's important to be patient with oneself when dealing with ARFID.
Seeking professional help is a brave step towards recovery.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Time Blindness, Executive Function and ADHD Strategies 

In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa delves into the concept of time blindness and its impact on our daily lives. This one is not just for people with ADHD-- but for anyone who can relate to overwhelm and anxiety from all of the juggling our daily lives demand.

Discover six practical strategies to work with your brain, not against it, in managing time effectively. 

From externalizing clocks to gamifying tasks, Vanessa offers insights and tools to help you navigate time management challenges with compassion and understanding. 

Tune in to learn how to create rhythms and rituals that truly work for you. #TimeManagement #ADHD #RealOverIdeal

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin and guest expert, Jessica Cook delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on boundaries, conflict resolution, and the impact of social media. 

They discuss the importance of vulnerability and emotional awareness in navigating interpersonal dynamics, as well as the concept of the rupture-repair cycle, which emphasizes the potential for growth and deeper connection following conflicts. 

The conversation also touches on the challenges posed by social media in shaping perceptions of relationships and the necessity of honest communication to maintain meaningful connections.

Jessica can be found on her Instagram- @jessicagcoook

Takeaways

Conflict resolution is a crucial skill in relationships.
Boundaries vary depending on the relationship context.
Recognizing emotional triggers can prevent conflict escalation.
Vulnerability is essential for repairing relationships.
The rupture-repair cycle can strengthen connections.
Social media can distort perceptions of relationships.
Conversations should aim for understanding, not winning.
It's important to trust oneself in difficult conversations.
Every relationship has the potential to be saved. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

It's "Back to School" time-- and even if you're not a student and don't have one in your life right now: this time of year can bring up a lot of "feels."

Late diagnosis of ADHD is a real thing, and people express a lot of sadness and grief-- but also relief about the diagnosis.

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the often overlooked issue of late ADHD diagnosis, particularly among women. She highlights the emotional struggles that accompany this late diagnosis, including feelings of shame and burnout. 

The conversation also addresses how to respond to dismissive comments about ADHD and emphasizes the importance of compassion and understanding for oneself and others. 

The episode concludes with a call to embrace one's real experiences rather than striving for an unattainable ideal.

Takeaways

Late ADHD diagnosis often affects women more than men.
Burnout is a common experience for adults with ADHD.
Emotional overwhelm is a significant symptom in women with ADHD.
ADHD is not about laziness; it's a neurodevelopmental difference.
Compassion is crucial for those navigating ADHD challenges.
Dismissive comments about ADHD can be hurtful and invalidating.
Understanding ADHD can lead to clarity and self-acceptance.
Supportive tools like visual timers can help manage ADHD.
It's important to validate your own experiences without seeking approval from others.
Creating a life that fits your needs is essential for well-being.

 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this companion episode to "Intuitive Eating and Living with Pam Moore," Vanessa Gorelkin walks the listener through a simple but powerful mindful eating exercise.

If you'd like to participate, all you need do is get a raisin, another piece of dried fruit or a small bit of chocolate-- and find a quiet space to listen.

We would love to hear from you about your experiences with mindful eating and this exercise. You can email us at the address in the show notes.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. 

And if you can spare a moment: leave us a 5 star review wherever you hear these episodes-- it's helps others find the show.

Until next time--

Keep it Real over Ideal, listeners. Thank you for joining us for this episode.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467