In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the intricacies of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), exploring its unique approach and why it often gets misunderstood. She highlights the therapy's blend of cognitive techniques with mindfulness and emotion regulation, and discusses its potential pitfalls when applied rigidly. Vanessa offers alternative strategies for distress tolerance and emphasizes the importance of context and flexibility in therapy.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hello Listener:

If you’re enjoying this show: Please don’t forget to subscribe, rate the podcast and share with friends. Thank you for listening, wherever you are, around the globe.

In this episode, Vanessa discusses her recording with podcast host and author, Kate Moryoussef, for the December 18th, 2025 episode of the “ADHD Women's Wellbeing” podcast. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-womens-wellbeing-podcast/id1605386171

In that episode of the ADHD Women’s Well-being Podcast, Vanessa and Kate discuss the role of OT for ADHD, particularly for adults, insights about ADHD and neurodiversity, internal family systems, and dialectical behavioral therapy. 

This episode of Real Over Ideal is a behind the scenes glimpse at Vanessa ‘s post-recording thoughts and an expansion/ preview (depending on when you are listening!) of some of the topics discussed on Kate’s podcast. 

Watch for the episode on ADHD Women's Wellbeing Pod and remember to keep it real over ideal. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of aging, challenging societal norms and embracing the wisdom and creativity that come with age. Is it all about dieting and resistance to change?

Aging for many people has become a cocktail of GLP-1 medications, skincare routines, and looking back to when we were younger than today. But where does acceptance fit in? In this episode of Real Over Ideal, we explore the the evidence,  hype and the mindset shifts that really matter if you want to age with strength, confidence, and self-compassion.

Vanessa discusses the cultural pressures to fight aging and highlights the importance of creativity, purpose, and adaptability in maintaining a fulfilling life as we grow older. 

The episode features insights from the documentary 'Do Not Go Gently,' which celebrates the lives of super-agers and the role of lifelong creativity in successful aging: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0971164/

This is the podcast if you're seeking wisdom about aging at any age-- it's a must listen for anyone feeling the challenges of getting older.

Bonus:
Does "Do not go gently" sound familiar? Here's the poetic reference...

Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night- By Dylan Thomas

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46569/do-not-go-gentle-into-that-good-night

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,   

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the concept of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), exploring its emotional impact, particularly for those with ADHD. She discusses the physiological responses to perceived rejection and offers practical strategies for managing these intense feelings. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding RSD, developing coping mechanisms, and fostering open communication about emotional experiences.

Takeaways

Rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response to perceived rejection.
RSD is often linked with ADHD but can affect anyone.
The brain reacts to social rejection similarly to physical pain.
Understanding RSD can help in managing emotional responses.
Naming the reaction can create distance from overwhelming feelings.
Practical strategies include the three-minute rule and creating a proof bank.
Rejection rehearsal can desensitize the fear of rejection.
It's important to communicate about RSD with others for support.
Healing involves learning to take risks without fear of rejection.
Most people are not analyzing us as critically as we fear. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

**Update: Since this episode was recorded: Real Over Ideal has been downloaded in a total of 33 countries!

Thank you for the support from: 

USA, Canada, Germany, Singapore, UK, Brazil, Argentina, Czechia, Australia, Poland, France, India, South Africa, Denmark, Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Finland, UAE, Iceland, Italy, Poland, Ireland, Zambia, Greece, Ghana, Morocco, Malaysia, Serbia, Vietnam, Ecuador, Turkey, Philippinesl & Uraguay.

In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa talks about the highly sensitive person type (HSP). 

Do you know someone who slips away away from social gatherings, gets overwhelmed by noises or bright lights, or cries easily? They are probably an HSP.

Vanessa shares the challenges and strengths of living with heightened sensitivity.

Tune in to explore the signs of being an HSP, the importance of honoring one's needs, and how sensitivity can be a powerful strength in a high-stimulation world. 

Whether you're an HSP or know someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement. Join us as we normalize sensitivity and celebrate it as a unique way to experience the world.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin and Andrew Luber discuss Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), exploring its definition, subtypes, and the lived experiences of those affected. Andrew shares his personal journey with ARFID, highlighting the challenges and coping strategies he has developed. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding, support, and humor in navigating the complexities of ARFID, while also providing practical tips for managing the disorder. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their experiences and seek help when needed, reinforcing the message that they are not alone in their struggles with food aversion.

ARFID is a serious eating disorder that affects many people.
It is distinct from other eating disorders, focusing on food aversion rather than body image.
There are three main subtypes of ARFID: avoidant, aversive, and restrictive.
Lived experiences, like Andrew's, provide valuable insights into managing ARFID.
Practical tips, such as gradual exposure and using humor, can help cope with ARFID.
Support from friends and family is crucial for those with ARFID.
Creating a comfortable environment can ease the challenges of eating.
Understanding ARFID can reduce stigma and promote awareness.
It's important to be patient with oneself when dealing with ARFID.
Seeking professional help is a brave step towards recovery.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Time Blindness, Executive Function and ADHD Strategies 

In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa delves into the concept of time blindness and its impact on our daily lives. This one is not just for people with ADHD-- but for anyone who can relate to overwhelm and anxiety from all of the juggling our daily lives demand.

Discover six practical strategies to work with your brain, not against it, in managing time effectively. 

From externalizing clocks to gamifying tasks, Vanessa offers insights and tools to help you navigate time management challenges with compassion and understanding. 

Tune in to learn how to create rhythms and rituals that truly work for you. #TimeManagement #ADHD #RealOverIdeal

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin and guest expert, Jessica Cook delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on boundaries, conflict resolution, and the impact of social media. 

They discuss the importance of vulnerability and emotional awareness in navigating interpersonal dynamics, as well as the concept of the rupture-repair cycle, which emphasizes the potential for growth and deeper connection following conflicts. 

The conversation also touches on the challenges posed by social media in shaping perceptions of relationships and the necessity of honest communication to maintain meaningful connections.

Jessica can be found on her Instagram- @jessicagcoook

Takeaways

Conflict resolution is a crucial skill in relationships.
Boundaries vary depending on the relationship context.
Recognizing emotional triggers can prevent conflict escalation.
Vulnerability is essential for repairing relationships.
The rupture-repair cycle can strengthen connections.
Social media can distort perceptions of relationships.
Conversations should aim for understanding, not winning.
It's important to trust oneself in difficult conversations.
Every relationship has the potential to be saved. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

It's "Back to School" time-- and even if you're not a student and don't have one in your life right now: this time of year can bring up a lot of "feels."

Late diagnosis of ADHD is a real thing, and people express a lot of sadness and grief-- but also relief about the diagnosis.

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the often overlooked issue of late ADHD diagnosis, particularly among women. She highlights the emotional struggles that accompany this late diagnosis, including feelings of shame and burnout. 

The conversation also addresses how to respond to dismissive comments about ADHD and emphasizes the importance of compassion and understanding for oneself and others. 

The episode concludes with a call to embrace one's real experiences rather than striving for an unattainable ideal.

Takeaways

Late ADHD diagnosis often affects women more than men.
Burnout is a common experience for adults with ADHD.
Emotional overwhelm is a significant symptom in women with ADHD.
ADHD is not about laziness; it's a neurodevelopmental difference.
Compassion is crucial for those navigating ADHD challenges.
Dismissive comments about ADHD can be hurtful and invalidating.
Understanding ADHD can lead to clarity and self-acceptance.
Supportive tools like visual timers can help manage ADHD.
It's important to validate your own experiences without seeking approval from others.
Creating a life that fits your needs is essential for well-being.

 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this companion episode to "Intuitive Eating and Living with Pam Moore," Vanessa Gorelkin walks the listener through a simple but powerful mindful eating exercise.

If you'd like to participate, all you need do is get a raisin, another piece of dried fruit or a small bit of chocolate-- and find a quiet space to listen.

We would love to hear from you about your experiences with mindful eating and this exercise. You can email us at the address in the show notes.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. 

And if you can spare a moment: leave us a 5 star review wherever you hear these episodes-- it's helps others find the show.

Until next time--

Keep it Real over Ideal, listeners. Thank you for joining us for this episode.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin speaks with Pam Moore, an occupational therapist turned health and fitness journalist and comedian. 

Here's everything you need to know about Pam Moore:

Pam Moore is an occupational therapist-turned-award-winning health and fitness freelance journalist, intuitive eating coach, and standup comic.

As an intuitive eating coach, her mission is to help women break up with the scale and move their bodies because it feels good — not as punishment. As a writer, she’s covered everything from diet culture to deadlifts for outlets including The Washington Post, Runner's World, and SELF.

Despite, or more likely because of being picked last for every team as a kid, Pam is an avid gravel cyclist, a long-time indoor cycling teacher, certified personal trainer, six-time marathoner, and two-time Ironman finisher. 

She lives in Boulder, Colorado with her husband and two daughters.

Socials/website:
Website: https://pam-moore.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pammoorewriter/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pammoore303/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/PamMoore303

This episode dives into the importance of intuitive eating, the impact of ADHD on personal journeys, and the concept of reinvention. 

It gets meta, as we like to do on Real Over Ideal when Vanessa and Pam talk about the time Vanessa was on Pam's podcast on her 10/5/2021 Episode of Real Fit. Check that appearance out here:

https://www.pam-moore.com/realfit/2021/10/05/how-to-stop-obsessing-about-food-and-weight 

Pam shares her experiences with mental health, movement, and the significance of finding joy in activities rather than viewing them as punishments. The conversation emphasizes the need for self-acceptance and the journey towards understanding one's body and needs.

The companion episode promised at the end of the show will be publishing on 8/21/25 in which you'll be guided through the Mindful Eating Exercise mentioned at the end of the show, it will be coming out on 8/21/25.

Takeaways

Being functional is more important than being impressive.
Intuitive eating helps women reconnect with their bodies.
ADHD can be both a hindrance and a motivator.
Reinvention is a continuous journey, not a destination.
Flow state enhances mental health and creativity.
Intuitive eating is about listening to your body's signals.
Indulgence should be redefined as self-care.
Self-acceptance

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Not every therapist is the right fit, and that's OK.

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explains how to tell if your therapist is not serving your needs anymore.

Vanessa discusses the the most common red flags in therapy, how to trust your instincts and what to do if you end the relationship. The power dynamics at play in therapeutic relationships is discussed. 

This episode describes how therapy is a service meant to benefit the client, and clients have the right to terminate therapy without guilt or obligation, while providing practical tips to handle the termination process.

Vanessa encourages listeners to prioritize their own needs and well-being in their therapeutic journey, while also engaging with your own support systems and trusted people in your life who might be able to help you determine the best way for you to proceed.

Takeaways

Therapy is not magic; it requires active participation.
You have the right to fire your therapist if needed.
Therapists can also need to be fired by clients.
Therapy should be client-centered, focusing on your needs.
You don't owe your therapist closure or explanations.
It's okay to stop therapy if it's not helping you.
Therapy costs money; don't waste it on unwanted sessions.
You can terminate therapy without guilt or shame.
Your mental health is your responsibility.
You can communicate your decision to leave clearly and kindly.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa provides real information about how chronic pain makes changes in your brain. She talks about the difficulties of coping with chronic pain and its invisibility to others around the person in pain.

Vanessa discusses the very real pitfalls of chronic pain management programs and how they can facilitate shame instead of healing. Most importantly, this episode dives into ways that people with chronic pain can live full and meaningful lives. Vanessa explains how people living with chronic pain can be hopeful about their future. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Dear Listeners,

It's bonus episode time-- a gift of an early episode drop, from us to you, because we are so grateful that you are out there listening. 

It's amazing to know that this little but mighty podcast has been downloaded on every continent and in 268 cities so far!

We owe many thanks to you that our audience is growing.

Whether you've shared the podcast on your social media, with people in your daily life, or recommended it in some other way-- with your help-- we are growing. We have a dedicated audience of listeners who value reliable, approachable, evidence based advice related to mental health and wellness. 

So, Real Ones-- Please keep on listening, enjoying and sharing-- and if you can take the time: please give us a 5 star review so that other listeners can find "Real Over Ideal." And we would love to hear from you with your questions for "Untangle This," any episode requests or your feedback.

On to the episode:

Summer is painted as a golden season of ease and joy, but it can feel heavy in a unique way for some.

In this episode, the emotional challenges many face during the summer months are surfaced.

Low mood in the summer is  often referred to as the 'summer blues.' 

This episode is an exploration of the concept of seasonal affective disorder, particularly how it can (surprisingly) manifest in warmer months. You'll hear some practical coping strategies for managing stress, guilt, and body image issues. 

The episode emphasizes the importance of self-permission and maintaining a flexible routine to navigate the complexities of summer life.

Takeaways

Summer is marketed as a season of bliss, but many struggle.
Seasonal affective disorder can occur in summer, not just winter.
Guilt often stems from internalized expectations about summer.
Redefining fun can help alleviate summer pressure.
Self-permission is crucial for mental well-being in summer.
Body image issues can be exacerbated during summer months.
Maintaining a flexible routine can provide stability.
Hydration and rest are key to managing summer stress.
Social media can distort perceptions of summer experiences.
It's okay to not enjoy summer like everyone else.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

This is a frank discussion about cognitive behavioral therapy from the host, Vanessa Gorelkin's perspective.

Vanessa discusses the importance of grounding techniques to help individuals stay present and regain their logical skills and how she feels cognitive behavioral therapy failed her many years ago, when she was new to mental health issues in her own life.

Vanessa addresses the challenges of using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as a stand-alone treatment and makes alternative recommendations. She talks about the difficulties that can arise for some people when reframing negative thoughts. When thought distortion feel deeply ingrained, Vanessa suggests the need for understanding rather than instant advice to "reframe."

Additionally, Vanessa  highlights that if traditional cognitive behavioral therapy hasn't worked, it doesn't mean patients will fail other therapies; rather, they may need to explore different therapeutic approaches that resonate with them.

Takeaways
Sensory input is helpful for grounding before trying to use logic or reframes if you're disregulated.
Challenging negative thoughts can be difficult but necessary- once better emotional regulation is present. 
Understanding your inner critic can lead to healing.
Cognitive behavioral therapy isn't the only option for everyone.
It's important to find what works for you in therapy.
You don't have to agree with your negative thoughts.
Exploring different therapy approaches is valid and necessary.
Healing is a personal path that requires self-compassion- not rigid approaches.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Summary

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the detrimental effects of toxic workplaces and provides practical tools for coping with difficult bosses and office cultures. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing toxic behaviors, setting boundaries, and prioritizing mental health. The episode also includes a listener question segment, where Vanessa offers strategies for navigating challenging work situations.

Takeaways

Toxic workplaces can be harmful to mental and physical health.
Chronic stress from work can trigger survival mode, affecting decision-making.
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental health at work.
Gaslighting in the workplace erodes self-trust and confidence.
Documenting workplace incidents can protect you legally and emotionally.
It's important to prioritize self-care and emotional buffering in toxic environments.
You may not be able to change your boss, but you can change your response.
Clarity in communication is a form of kindness.
Staying in a toxic job doesn't mean you're weak; it can be strategic.
You deserve respect and mental safety in your workplace.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Bed Rotting and feeling stuck in your bed—unable to face the world, mentally, emotionally, or physically? 

This episode of Real Over Ideal is your literal step-by-step guide & antidote for bed rotting days -- when your brain says “nope.” 

Whether you're in trauma freeze mode, frozen by depression, burnout, or overwhelm, you’ll hear a soothing, practical walk-through for how to move just one step at a time. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Start here.

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, your host Vanessa Gorelkin, discusses the challenges of getting out of bed, particularly when feeling overwhelmed or anxious. 

She provides a compassionate understanding of the nervous system's role in these feelings and offers practical, step-by-step guidance to help listeners move from a state of inertia to action. The episode emphasizes self-acceptance and the importance of taking small steps towards recovery and daily living skills.

Takeaways

Daily living skills can be overwhelming for many people.
It's okay to feel stuck; you're not alone in this.
Understanding your nervous system can help reduce shame.
Getting out of bed can be a significant accomplishment when you've been stuck and caught up in bed rotting.
Small, practical steps can lead to bigger changes.
You can listen to this episode at your own pace.
There is no wrong way to use this material.
Self-compassion is key when feeling stuck.
Movement can help shift your emotional state.
You are allowed to take things one step at a time.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Content warning: Episode addresses self-harm. 

Summary

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the complex topic of self-harm, exploring its various forms beyond the commonly recognized behaviors. 

She emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for self-harming behaviors and introduces tools to help interrupt the cycle of shame and distress. The conversation highlights the need for compassion and professional support while providing resources for those in need.

Takeaways

Self-harm encompasses more than just physical acts.
It can manifest in subtle ways, even in those who seem fine.
Understanding the purpose behind self-harm is crucial for healing.
Self-harm often serves as a coping mechanism for emotional pain.
Common forms of self-harm include emotional sabotage and overworking.
Tools like using a red Sharpie can help manage impulses.
Recognizing patterns in self-harming behaviors is the first step to change.
Compassion towards oneself is essential in the healing process.
Professional help is recommended for those struggling with self-harm.
Resources are available for immediate support and guidance.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the theme of bad decisions, coping, healing after mistakes and resilience. And she tells her all time favorite story about resilience after terrible trauma -- if you know her in real life, you probably have heard this story.

Vanessa tells about a career choice that turned out to be detrimental but ultimately led to valuable lessons and personal growth. (That's a nice way of saying the job was a nightmare because the boss was a toxic abusive micromanager, all her own opinions- obviously.)

The conversation explores the nature of resilience, emphasizing that it is not about avoiding failure but about how we recover and learn from our experiences.

 Vanessa also addresses questions about regret and the importance of self-compassion for healing in the face of mistakes, highlighting that resilience includes rest and self-care.

Thank you for listening- it's been amazing to see how far and wide our listeners are from. 

*****Please leave us a 5 star review and let us know where on Earth you're hearing the show- this helps us continue to find our audience & keep this podcast going.*****

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this conversation, Vanessa Gorelkin addresses common concerns about sleep, particularly the anxiety surrounding it. She emphasizes the importance of acceptance and self-care in achieving restful sleep, rather than obsessing over it. The discussion covers the impact of sleep debt on health, the phenomenon of revenge bedtime procrastination, and practical tips for fostering a healthier relationship with sleep.

Takeaways

Shift your self-talk from 'I have to sleep' to 'my body will take the sleep it needs.'
Sleep doesn't respond to worrying efforts; it responds to acceptance.
Close your eyes and roll your gaze upward to relax.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is a protest against feeling overwhelmed.
Sleep is a communication from our nervous system, not a report card.
Focus on reducing pressure and calming your nervous system.
One or two rough nights of sleep don't equal long-term damage.
Make one small shift this week to support your sleep.
If you can't fall asleep, pause and accept the moment.
Sleep is about the relationship between you and your body.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

**Bonus Episode**

In this bonus episode, Vanessa Gorelkin shares insights from her recent guest appearance and chat with Tracy Otsuka on her hit podcast, ADHD for Smart Ass Women. 

Vanessa shares some fun facts about the recording, including her experiences and the environment during the episode. Vanessa also provides practical tips for listeners on how to live authentically and overcome challenges in their lives.

Takeaways
You don't have to make it perfect or finish-- you just need to start.
Perfection can't chase you if you're already moving.
Do the thing, even if it's challenging.

Check out ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast with Tracy Otsuka:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1443678424

Vanessa's most recent appearance on Tracy's podcast

Episode 337: Internal family systems and ADHD 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1443678424?i=1000713426671

Episode 209: DBT, Trauma and ADHD

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1443678424?i=1000592348084

Episode 198: Occupational Therapy and ADHD

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1443678424?i=1000583170675

Thanks for listening!

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Can ChatGpt replace your therapist?

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the intersection of AI and mental health, particularly focusing on the capabilities and limitations of tools like ChatGPT in therapeutic contexts. 

She discusses the appeal of AI for individuals seeking mental health support, especially those who are neurodivergent or face barriers to traditional therapy. 

While acknowledging the potential benefits of AI in providing guidance and support, Vanessa emphasizes the importance of understanding its limitations, particularly in areas such as emotional regulation and the therapeutic alliance. 

The episode concludes with reflections on how to use AI responsibly as a supplementary tool for self-reflection and growth.

Takeaways

AI can provide support but cannot replace human therapists.
Therapy is often inaccessible, making AI appealing.
AI can help clarify thoughts and practice skills.
Therapeutic alliance is crucial for effective therapy.
AI lacks the ability to read emotional cues.
Using AI requires intentionality and self-awareness.
It's important to check in with your feelings after using AI.
AI can be a tool for self-reflection and growth.
Using AI should not reinforce isolation.
Balance AI use with human connection.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, your host, Vanessa  Gorelkin explores the relationship between stress and physical symptoms, introducing the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach to understanding our emotional and mental health.

She discusses how different parts of ourselves react to stress and how these reactions can manifest physically. Vanessa provides practical strategies for self-compassion and understanding our internal dynamics, particularly in relation to ADHD and physical tension. 

The episode emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our feelings and communicating with our bodies to foster healing and emotional well-being.

Takeaways

Stress can manifest physically in various ways.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us understand our mind's parts.
Recognizing our parts can lead to better self-awareness.
Anxiety can show up as physical symptoms like tension.
It's important to acknowledge our feelings instead of ignoring them.
Self-compassion is key to managing emotional distress.
Understanding our internal dynamics can help with ADHD challenges.
Our body communicates through sensations and tension.
We can support our parts with compassion and reassurance.
Recognizing when our system is trying to protect us is crucial.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Happy Thanksgiving, 2025 ! 

In honor of the day before Thanksgiving being a big travel day in the United States-- we're publishing a day early, in case it's a fun companion for your travels. No matter where in the world you are-- you're getting an extended episode this week. But our podcast is heard in 37 countries and counting, so let us say: we wish you great holiday if you're celebrating. 

The focus of this episode is Taylor Swift's "Eldest Daughter," and we're referencing a great article from Pam Moore on the topic that you can read right here:

https://creators.yahoo.com/lifestyle/story/why-im-convinced-taylor-swifts-eldest-daughter-is-about-therapy-035952099.html

More on the episode:

Vanessa Gorelkin and friend of the podcast, special guest Pam Moore, delve into the themes of Taylor Swift's song "Eldest Daughter" through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. (Note: sending apologies to any serious audiophiles who find the sound to be imperfect on this episode. Putting together the tracks and snips of "Eldest Daughter" was a new, challenging ground. Thank you for your patience.)

Here's what's up on this episode-- Pam and Vanessa are both trained Occupational Therapists with an eye towards mental health and wellness. They've each worked with clients on an individual and larger scale to enhance their understanding of their unique selves and how to optimize their life experience, even in the face of challenges.

Who better to discuss some of the layers of the song, "Eldest Daughter," with all respect to the master of lyrical layers, Taylor Swift.

Vanessa and Pam provide a basic description of the helpful therapeutic approach, Internal family systems, of which they are both admittedly big fans-- and they explore how the song reflects the concepts of "parts" work, self-energy, and the protective mechanisms we develop. The conversation touches on personal experiences, the symbolism in Swift's lyrics, and the broader implications of IFS in understanding oneself and relationships.

Here's where to find Pam and her many creative offerings-- you won't be sorry!

https://www.pam-moore.com/

Please let us know what you thought of the episode and if you'd like more like this one. Thanks for listening to the show-- we are so glad you are here. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin talks about emotional and cultural implications of the ongoing Diddy trial, exploring how celebrity abuse cases affect our mental health and societal perceptions. 

She discusses the challenges of consuming media related to such sensitive topics and offers strategies for maintaining emotional well-being while staying informed. 

The conversation also touches on the complexities of separating art from the artist and the importance of facing uncomfortable truths for societal change.

Takeaways

The Diddy trial serves as a cultural reckoning for many.
Celebrity abuse cases can deeply affect sensitive individuals.
Media consumption can hijack our nervous systems.
It's important to set limits on media consumption.
Protecting your mental health is paramount.
Understanding our reactions can help us navigate trauma.
Choosing reliable sources is crucial in media consumption.
You can stay informed without sacrificing your peace of mind.
Art and artist can coexist, even uncomfortably.
Facing uncomfortable truths is essential for change.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the complexities of anger, emphasizing that it is not the emotion itself that is problematic, but rather how we respond to it. 

She shares personal anecdotes and practical tools for managing anger, particularly through the lens of occupational therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). 

The conversation explores the importance of emotional regulation, the impact of stress on relationships, and strategies for navigating anger in parenting and interpersonal dynamics.

Takeaways from the epsiode:

Anger is a natural emotion, not a moral failing.
Uncontrollable anger stems from emotion regulation issues.
You can create space between feeling angry and reacting.
Labeling your feelings can help manage emotional responses.
"Dropping the rope" in a mental tug-of-war can reduce conflict.
Anchoring yourself in values guides your actions during anger.
De-fusion techniques help avoid getting tangled in angry thoughts.
Meeting your basic needs can prevent emotional outbursts.
Curiosity about your feelings can lead to better understanding.
Calm boundaries are more effective than explosive reactions.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the intersection of horror stories and mental health, exploring how narratives in horror can serve as metaphors for trauma, dissociation, and recovery. 

Through examples from popular culture, such as Stephen King's works and Stranger Things, she discusses the psychological implications of these stories and offers practical strategies for managing overwhelming emotions. 

The episode emphasizes the importance of understanding one's mental health through the lens of horror, providing listeners with insights and coping mechanisms to navigate their own experiences.

Takeaways

Horror stories often reflect our inner struggles with trauma.
Characters in horror can symbolize different aspects of mental health.
Compartmentalization is a common trauma coping strategy.
Horror validates feelings that are often overlooked in therapy.
The Upside Down in Stranger Things represents mental disturbances.
Recovery involves integrating all parts of oneself, not just the 'good' parts.
Horror can provide a sense of control over fear and anxiety.
Practical strategies can help manage overwhelming emotions.
Understanding horror can lead to deeper self-awareness.
It's okay to resonate with horror as a means of coping. 

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Your host, Vanessa Gorelkin, introduces Real Over Ideal and talks about her origin story. 

**And guess what: since we're being real, we remastered this episode after realizing the sound needed a bit of an update.

Now you will be able to hear Vanessa even better, as she discusses the challenges of health anxiety, normalizes the struggle so many people face to find their balance, and emphasizes the importance of acceptance and resilience. 

Vanessa introduces practical techniques for calming the nervous system, including stimulating the vagus nerve in unique ways that go beyond deep breathing to help individuals manage their anxiety more effectively. 

The discussion highlights the significance of living alongside anxiety rather than fighting it, promoting a healthier mindset towards mental well-being.

If you love podcasts that include discussions of 
health anxiety, resilience, radical acceptance, vagus nerve, calming techniques, mental health, anxiety management, emotional regulation, self-acceptance, coping strategies-- you've found your new favorite listen!

If you liked the show- please leave us a review- it will help people find our content and join the Real Over Ideal community. Vanessa will read reviews on the show- expect a response if you give us feedback, this show is for the audience! 

Got feedback about the show or a question for "Untangle This," the part of the podcast when Vanessa will answer listener questions?

Email us at: Realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Or send a text/ leave a voice note at: 602-753-7020

You can find Vanessa at her website: https://vanessagorelkin.com 

Check out our Instagram:  htttps://www.instagram.com/realoveridealpodcast

Join Our Discord: https://discord.com/invite/5dMAVudj

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Welcome to Real Over Ideal — the podcast for people with busy brains, big emotions, and zero interest in perfectionism.

In this trailer, meet your host, licensed therapist & real life human, Vanessa Gorelkin, as she introduces Real Over Ideal, the podcast that delivers practical strategies for emotional regulation, executive functioning, ADHD overwhelm, anxiety, and everyday stress—without unnecessary jargon.

If you’re looking for real talk, practical tools, and an expert voice you can trust to help you manage anxiety, procrastination, burnout, mood swings, or just the chaos of daily life, you’re in the right place. 

Each short episode is packed with relatable stories, evidence-informed guidance, and actionable tips you can start using right away.

Subscribe now to Real Over Ideal and start where you are.
Because real life? That’s where the magic is.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the concept of a 'good vibes brain bank'—a mental space where individuals can deposit their small victories to combat negativity bias and enhance self-efficacy. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and celebrating minor accomplishments, which can significantly impact mental health and resilience. Through personal anecdotes and practical strategies, listeners are encouraged to build their own brain banks to foster a positive mindset and counteract self-doubt.

Give yourself credit for small victories.
A brain bank helps combat negativity bias.
Small wins reinforce self-efficacy and momentum.
Chores are meaningful activities that structure life.
Banking successes can lead to greater motivation.
Documenting achievements helps retrain your brain.
Pick a format that works for you to track successes.
Make deposits of small wins daily.
Micro actions are essential for overall well-being.
Building a brain bank honors your efforts.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Join Vanessa Gorelkin as she delves into the complexities of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and the misconceptions surrounding it. 

In this episode, Vanessa discusses the internet's tendency to mislabel emotional women as borderline and the impact of such stigmatization. She also offers practical advice for those overwhelmed by emotions, whether or not they have a BPD diagnosis.

Here are links to the movies mentioned in this epiosde-- they're worth a watch!

Fatal Attraction:

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1007141-fatal_attraction

Single White Female:

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/single_white_female

Key takeaways:

The internet's role in mislabeling women with BPD. 

The true definition and symptoms of borderline personality disorder. 

The importance of dialectical behavioral therapy in treating BPD. 

Practical tools for managing overwhelming emotions.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealthAwareness #RealOverIdeal

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hey Listeners — did you catch the title reference? It’s a line from a 1990's movie. Think you know it? Email me at realoveridealpod@gmail.com
with your guess — or if you just can’t stand the suspense before I reveal it in a future episode. 😊

This week, I’m talking about accessibility at work — not as a checkbox or a charity gesture, but as a real engine for innovation and creativity.

The idea came from my colleague Dr. Daniel Balva, who invited me to join a project highlighting the importance of accessibility in professional spaces. We dive into how designing for inclusion often sparks solutions that help everyone, and how shifting our mindset can turn “accommodations” into opportunities to grow smarter and more adaptive as organizations and as people.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

It's just about Halloween, so that's why you've gotten such a scary title for an episode that hopefully will bring some rationality to the thought that the world and we are simply doomed.

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa explores the pervasive feeling of doom that many experience in today's world. She discusses the impact of constant negative news, the science behind our stress responses, and offers practical, research-based strategies to cope with these feelings. The episode also addresses listener questions about distinguishing between doom and fatigue, and how to live by one's values even in challenging times.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the themes of misinformation and the importance of critical thinking in the age of social media. Using the iconic film The Breakfast Club as a backdrop, she discusses the Barnum Effect and how it influences our perception of truth. Vanessa emphasizes the need for media literacy and the importance of distinguishing between lived experience and expertise. She provides practical tips for finding unbiased sources and encourages listeners to question the information they encounter online.

Takeaways

Lived experience provides perspective but is not expertise.
The Barnum Effect leads to misinformation on social media.
Confidence in a statement does not guarantee its truth.
Check multiple news outlets for a fuller picture.
The loudest voices often overshadow the wisest.
Critical thinking is essential in navigating information.
Use fact-checking sites to verify claims.
Question who benefits from the information you consume.
Building habits of cross-checking can resist misinformation.

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this conversation concerning pearls of wisdom from Tracy Otsuka, Host of ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast, we explore the complexities of ADHD, practical tips for managing symptoms, the importance of identity, and the role of creativity and curiosity in neurodivergent individuals. 

Tracy & Vanessa share personal anecdotes and insights on navigating a neurotypical world, emphasizing the significance of finding one's passion -- and Tracy even offers some thoughts on the impact of hormones on ADHD.

The discussion culminates in encouraging words for those struggling with ADHD, highlighting the potential for brilliance that people with ADHD have to offer. Tracy reminds the audience of the importance of positive emotion for people coping with ADHD.

*If you hear echo on the sound on this episode: we apologize--this episode is too loaded with great conversation and information NOT to share with you. 

Takeaways from this episode:

ADHD is often misunderstood.
Starting with small actions can help overcome the fear of beginning tasks.
The role of dopamine in motivation.
Time blindness is a common challenge for those with ADHD.
Using tools like ready to go timers can help manage procrastination and time management.
Finding passion is essential for success and fulfillment.
Creativity and curiosity are significant strengths in ADHD individuals.
Hormonal changes can impact ADHD symptoms, especially in women.
Positive emotions drive productivity.
Understanding one's strengths leads to discovering personal superpowers. 

Find Tracy's podcast here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824

Check out Tracy's book: ADHD for Smart Ass Women:

https://a.co/d/7FKHDBk

Want more conversations with Vanessa and Tracy?

Check these episodes on unlocking potential, emotional regulation and Internal family systems: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000583171524

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000592354432 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000713428051

Thanks for listening!

Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.

If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:

realoveridealpod@gmail.com

Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:

https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab

If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467