Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want – Details, episodes & analysis
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Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want
Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.
Frequency: 1 episode/7d. Total Eps: 124
Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast
Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright.
You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way.
Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past.
This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms.
Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does.
New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are.
Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
For deeper dives-- including cultural analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
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Publication history
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The 10 biggest mistakes people make with desire discrepancies
Episode 100
lundi 22 décembre 2025 • Duration 01:00:23
This is THE episode to share. After 100 episodes and years of working with couples on mismatched desire, I'm breaking down the 10 mistakes that keep you stuck—from obligation sex and taking rejection personally, to making every touch sexual and believing someone is broken. These patterns make total sense, but they backfire hard. If you or someone you know is dealing with a desire gap, start here. You'll learn what's keeping things stuck and exactly what to do instead.
The 10 mistakes:
- Trying to 'fix' your partner instead of the dynamic
- Having obligation sex to keep the peace
- Taking rejection personally
- Believing scheduling sexy time is not "natural"
- Being defensive about sexual feedback
- Making all physical affection have to lead to sex
- Chasing your partner (pursuit-distance trap)
- Not knowing your own body
- Expecting only spontaneous desire to be "real"
- Believing someone is broken or wrong
For each one, you'll learn why it backfires and exactly what to do instead.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
What to do when depression & antidepressants kill your libido: real talk & my story
Episode 99
lundi 15 décembre 2025 • Duration 24:05
Depression tanks your libido. Then you finally get help with antidepressants—and your sex drive tanks even more. If this is you, you're not broken. You're dealing with a real, common side effect that nobody wants to talk about.
In this episode, I break down the double whammy of depression and SSRIs on your sex life: how depression shuts down motivation (including for sex), why antidepressants compound the problem by affecting serotonin and dopamine, and how orgasm difficulties create a feedback loop that kills desire even further.
I also share my personal story—how I dealt with depression, the mental scripts generating self-hatred that my brain was trying to protect me from, and how I got off meds through coaching and massive self-compassion work. Literally re-writing the thoughts in my head changed everything.
We cover: what you can actually do about it (medication options, body-based approaches, relationship support), why this isn't your fault, and how to stop choosing between mental health and a satisfying sex life.
Quick note: I'm not a medical doctor—this is educational, not medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about medication decisions.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
What your body learned about love before you could talk: Healing attachment wounds with Dr. Aline LaPierre
Episode 90
mardi 14 octobre 2025 • Duration 52:28
Why does your body shut down during intimacy even when your mind wants connection? Why does rejection trigger panic that feels way bigger than the situation? The answer might have nothing to do with your current relationship—and everything to do with attachment wounds living in your nervous system.
In this episode, Laura talks with Dr. Aline LaPierre, creator of NeuroAffective Touch, about how our earliest experiences with touch shape everything about adult intimacy, sexuality, and connection.
You'll learn:
- Why touch is our "first language" and how it creates our blueprint for relationships
- How attachment wounds from childhood show up differently for higher-desire and lower-desire partners
- Why neglect and abuse create different patterns in the body—and how to recognize them
- The difference between therapeutic touch and massage (and why it matters)
- How partners can support each other's nervous system healing without becoming therapists
- Why the body remembers what the mind has forgotten—and how to help it tell its story
- Real examples of how couples use attuned touch for deep healing
Dr. LaPierre explains why traditional talk therapy often can't reach body-based trauma, and shares the vision behind bringing NeuroAffective Touch into intimate partnerships for the first time.
Whether you're dealing with desire differences, struggling with touch aversion, or sensing that old wounds are affecting your intimacy, this conversation offers a completely different lens for understanding what's happening in your body.
About Dr. Aline LaPierre: Creator of NeuroAffective Touch, President of the United States Association of Body Psychotherapy, and co-author of the bestselling book Healing Developmental Trauma (available in 14 languages). Find her at https://neuroaffectivetouch.com/
Plus: Learn about the groundbreaking couples course "Thriving Together" launching February 2026—the first systematic training for couples to support each other's attachment healing through touch.
APPLY for the course "Thriving Together: Couples Healing Attachment Patterns Through Touch" here: https://neuroaffectivetouch.com/thriving-together-application/
Perfect for anyone curious about somatic approaches to healing, body-based trauma work, and how our earliest experiences continue to shape us.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
Desire Solutions: Signs that you're rushing penetration & what to do instead
Episode 89
lundi 6 octobre 2025 • Duration 29:01
Why does penetration feel painful, numb, or just... meh? And why does rushing to it kill desire over time?
If you're experiencing pain or numbness during sex, struggling with low libido, or wondering why your partner seems less and less interested, this episode is for you. It reveals one of the most common desire killers: penetration before the body is actually ready.
You'll learn how much time most female bodies need before reaching full arousal, how to recognize true readiness for penetration, what to do if impatience is getting in the way, and how rushing this one thing can tank desire for years.
Whether you're a higher-libido partner wondering why sex isn't appealing to your partner, or a lower-desire partner who's been crossing your body's boundaries so long that sex has become something to endure – this episode has practical solutions for both of you.
Perfect for couples dealing with mismatched libidos, pain during sex, or anyone wanting to understand what bodies actually need for pleasurable, desire-building intimacy.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
Desire Killers & What To Do Instead: Pouting When You Don't Get Sex
Episode 88
lundi 29 septembre 2025 • Duration 36:26
Tired of the cycle where you don't get sex, so you sulk, which makes your partner want sex even less? You're not alone – and you're definitely not getting the results you want.
In this episode, we break down why pouting, withdrawal, and passive aggression after sexual rejection literally kills desire and pushes your partner further away. If you're the higher-libido partner feeling frustrated and acting out, or the lower-libido partner dealing with sulking and guilt trips, this episode is for you.
You'll learn exactly why these behaviors backfire so spectacularly, what to do instead when you feel rejected or frustrated, and how both partners can break this desire-killing cycle. No shame, no blame – just practical tools to stop making things worse and start building the connection you actually want.
Perfect for couples dealing with mismatched libidos, desire discrepancies, or anyone who wants better communication around sex and intimacy.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
Sex Help for Smart People Evolves to The Desire Gap Podcast: Unpacking The #1 Issue I See
Episode 87
lundi 22 septembre 2025 • Duration 19:45
This episode is all about why I'm making a change in this podcast, including why that is going to be extra great for you as a listener. In fact, you're going to get even more of my focused expertise, aimed at the issue that affects 80% of people in relationships at some point: libido mismatch. I'm keeping all the no-nonsense, research-based, caring content you know me for. What you also get is laser-focused expertise on desire differences— the issue that touches virtually every other sexual and relationship challenge people face.
Here's why this matters: most marriage and family therapists have zero training in sexuality, leaving couples seeking help for their biggest relationship issue from professionals who are under-prepared. Most couples wait years before addressing desire differences, often making the gap harder to bridge.
I've been on both sides of desire differences myself—zero desire periods where I felt broken and ashamed, and times as the higher-libido partner, when I felt constantly rejected. My partner and I worked through both scenarios using the exact methods I teach clients, and we're now having the best sex of our lives.
You'll hear transformation stories like my client who went from painful obligation sex twice a year to genuine pleasure and stronger communication in three months. I also preview upcoming episodes and guide you through a reflection exercise to assess your current relationship with desire. Whether you want more or less sex than your partner, feel rejected or pressured, this episode will help you understand why you're not broken and give you specific steps to start creating change immediately.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
What is Embodiment? Why Somatics Are Key to Better Sex and Relationships
Episode 86
lundi 15 septembre 2025 • Duration 32:35
Your body remembers every touch, every rejection, every moment of connection—even when your mind has forgotten. But most of us are living from the neck up, disconnected from our bodies and the wisdom they hold about our desires, boundaries, and authentic selves.
In this episode, I'm demystifying embodiment and somatic (body-based) approaches for intimacy issues. I'll break down what it actually means to be embodied (versus disconnected), why your nervous system holds the key to better sex and relationships, and how somatic approaches differ from traditional talk therapy.
You'll learn a wee bit of the history of body-based healing—from Wilhelm Reich's "character armor" to modern trauma research—and discover why bottom-up healing (starting with your body) often works better than top-down approaches for intimacy challenges.
I'm sharing the 5 specific benefits of getting more embodied: better emotional regulation, real confidence (not performed), authentic relationships, reduced physical tension, and magnetic presence that makes people actually listen when you speak.
Plus, practical examples from my practice showing how embodied approaches help with everything from performance anxiety to not knowing what you want sexually. This isn't woo-woo stuff—it's science-backed work that creates real change.
Perfect for anyone who's tired of living disconnected from their body and ready to access their full aliveness. Also perfect for anyone who simply wonders "what's the point of being more embodied? Why bother?"
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
Is It Okay to Fantasize During Sex? A Guide to Helpful vs. Unhelpful Mental Erotica
Episode 85
lundi 8 septembre 2025 • Duration 27:11
Many people worry that fantasizing during intimacy means something is wrong with their relationship or attraction to their partner. In this episode, we explore why mental wandering during sex is completely normal and can actually enhance your experience. Learn the difference between healthy fantasy that keeps you present and embodied… versus problematic fantasy used for dissociation or avoidance. We'll cover why active minds (especially ADHD brains) benefit from fantasy, when it becomes a red flag, and how to use your imagination as a tool for better sex rather than an escape from it. Plus, we tackle the big question: is fantasizing about others considered cheating?
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
Situationships and Friends with Benefits - What Works and What Doesn't
Episode 84
lundi 1 septembre 2025 • Duration 24:54
Are casual-sex relationships always problematic, or can they actually work for some people? In this episode, we break down the key differences between "friends with benefits" (clear boundaries) and situationships (confusing lack of clarity). Learn why catching feelings during casual sex is completely normal and healthy, when these arrangements can work, and crucial signs they're not right for you. We'll explore attachment styles, discuss why some people naturally bond through sex while others remain detached, and provide practical guidance for knowing whether you're built for casual relationships. Plus, we address the long-term implications of consistent emotional avoidance, and answer the question: is it possible to prioritize my emotional well-being while having casual sex?
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
How to Talk to Your Partner about What Turns You OFF
Episode 83
lundi 25 août 2025 • Duration 29:45
We're going to get really nitty-gritty here today and give you the full details on why, when and how to tell your partner what turns you off. I'll also give you the important exceptions -- that is, when NOT to frame something as a turn-off. Plus you'll get a step-by-step guide on how to have these conversations -- and my Golden Rule for how to make them WAY less hard.
Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
Find out about the Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/
Find out more about my offerings and read the blog: https://laurajurgens.com/
Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.
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