Not Quite Typical: AuDHD & Neurodivergent Conversations – Details, episodes & analysis

Modern dating is hard. Dating when you’re neurodivergent is a different category of hard altogether. In this episode, Amber gets into the very specific ways that being AuDHD shapes romantic experiences: dopamine-seeking behaviour and dating app addiction, monotropism and why neurodivergent people fall into intense fixations, and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and how it amplifies every silence and unanswered text.

She also talks through what post-diagnosis dating can look like — more intentional, more boundaried, and more aligned with how your brain actually works. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship patterns make more sense through a neurodivergent lens, this episode is for you.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder: I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Ever feel crushed by shame when a hobby you love suddenly feels impossible? In this episode of Not Quite Typical, I unpack why PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and ADHD shame spirals hit so hard for me as a late-diagnosed AuDHDer. From my abandoned baking dreams to work guilt and friend-text paralysis, I share it all.

I dive into the roots: RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), masking exhaustion, executive dysfunction, and that nervous-system freeze when “just do it” advice backfires. Then I share three tiny shifts that broke my cycle:

* Name the mechanism (like saying “This is PDA, not failure”)

* Reframe interests as “mini pools” - deep skill dives I can revisit, not flaky failures

* Permission to be small - 5-minute starts over perfection pressure

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder: I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Masking: suppressing, adapting, and performing your way through every social situation — is something most late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD people did for years without even realising it. In this episode, Amber traces where her own mask came from, all the way back to childhood, and follows it through school, work, and adult life.

She talks about what unmasking actually looks like in practice (spoiler: it’s a lot more complicated than just “being yourself”), the physical and mental cost of long-term masking, and what it means to start finding spaces where you don’t have to hide. Practical advice on unmasking gradually, safely, and in relationships included.

Further Reading

National Autistic Society — masking guidance — https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/masking

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ⁠ambernapthine.substack.com⁠

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Get in Touch: hello@notquitetypical.com

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder : I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Late-diagnosed AuDHD adults: does time anxiety keep you stuck in future worries or past regrets? This episode breaks down why we can’t “just exist in the present” and 3 strategies that actually work.

We cover: time blindness in AuDHD, masking exhaustion from constant planning, and practical unmasking tools for neurodivergent time management. enjoyed. You’re not dramatic. Your nervous system is just doing its job.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ⁠ambernapthine.substack.com⁠

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Get in Touch: hello@notquitetypical.com

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder : I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Research & links:

Intolerance of uncertainty & anxiety in autistic people

* Frontiers in Psychology — Sensory sensitivity and intolerance of uncertainty influencing anxiety in autistic adults: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.731753/full

* Systematic review & meta-analysis on IU and anxiety in autistic people: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7539603/

* Sensory Sensitivity and Intolerance of Uncertainty Influence Anxiety in Autistic Adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8635111/

* Autistic Sensory Traits and Psychological Distress — Mediating Role of Worry and Intolerance of Uncertainty: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39595851/

Time perception in autism

* Time perception and autistic spectrum condition: A systematic review: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6852160/

* How autism influences time perception (accessible overview): https://www.newpatternsaba.com/blog/how-autism-influences-time-perception

Demand avoidance

* Understanding pathological demand avoidance in adults: https://pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/understanding-pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-with-autism/

* Living with PDA — strategies for adults: https://rachellebloksberg.com/living-with-pathological-demand-avoidance-strategies-for-dealing-with-pda-in-adults-for-autism-and

* PDA in adults — how to get unstuck: https://www.thriveautismcoaching.com/post/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-how-to-help-them-get-unstuck

Burnout & IU as a coping mechanism

* IU as a mechanism in autistic anxiety: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5903967/

* Single-case treatment study for IU in autistic adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6061029/

Coping & experiments approach

* Towards a Treatment for Intolerance of Uncertainty for Autistic Adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6061029/

* Single Case Experimental Design Study (more detail on same programme): https://d-nb.info/1160380759/34

General accessible reading

* Autistica — coping with uncertainty in autism: https://www.autistica.org.uk/our-research/research-projects/coping-with-uncertainty

* Autistica — uncertainty, anxiety and sensory sensitivities: https://www.autistica.org.uk/our-research/research-projects/uncertainty-anxiety-sensory-sensitivities

I want YOUR input!

What guests would you like me to chat to and what topics would you like me to cover?

This episode is Amber’s personal AuDHD diagnosis story. After years of feeling like she was constantly two steps behind everyone else, perpetually exhausted, and never quite fitting in anywhere, Amber shares how she came to seek an assessment, what the process actually looked like, and what happened in the aftermath.

This is the real, unfiltered version not the neat narrative you get to write with hindsight, but the messy, confusing, emotional reality of realising late in life that your brain works fundamentally differently. If you’re on the path to diagnosis, have recently been assessed, or are still waiting, Amber’s story might help you feel a little less alone in it.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder : I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Brett, The AuDHD Boss - https://substack.com/@brettwhitmarsh

Dr Megan Anna Neff -https://substack.com/@neurodivergentinsights

AuDHD Out Loud Substack -https://ambernapthine.substack.com/

A late autism and ADHD diagnosis doesn’t just give you answers — it asks you a whole new set of questions. Who were you before the label? Which parts of you are actually you, and which parts were you performing? In this episode, Amber digs into the identity shift that comes with late diagnosis.

She talks through the grief for the version of yourself that struggled without knowing why, the relief of finally having language for your experience, and the strange, ongoing work of figuring out who you are on the other side of it. If you’re somewhere in the middle of that process, you’re not alone in it.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Get in Touch: hello@notquitetypical.com

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder: I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Job hunting is exhausting for anyone , but when you throw a dopamine-seeking, rejection-sensitive, hyperfocusing neurodivergent brain into the mix, it becomes something else entirely. In this episode, Amber digs into the very specific experience of job hunting when you’re late-diagnosed AuDHD.

From obsessively fixating on roles to the crushing blow of radio silence, she unpacks why the traditional job hunt model works against neurodivergent brains, what limerence (that state of intense fixation) has to do with how we pursue opportunities, and how to approach the search in a way that works with your brain instead of against it.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder: I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

January has a particular kind of pressure to it — the fresh start mythology, the ‘new year new you’ noise, the sudden return of structure after the holidays. For neurodivergent brains, it can be a lot. In this first episode of Not Quite Typical, Amber talks through why January hits differently when you’re AuDHD.

She gets into the specific dread that comes with the start of a new year — the overwhelm of blank-slate expectations, the difficulty re-regulating after routine disruption, and why the January reset culture tends to be built for brains that aren’t like ours. If you’ve ever felt like you’re already behind before February has even started, this one’s for you.

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder :I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

Have you ever walked away from a social event feeling lonelier than before you arrived? In this episode, Amber goes deep on one of the most quietly painful parts of the neurodivergent experience — not isolation, but the specific kind of loneliness that comes from being surrounded by people and still not feeling reached by any of them.

She covers why ND brains find genuine connection harder, the different types of loneliness and which ones hit hardest for neurodivergent people, how masking means no one actually meets you, RSD and how it makes us engineer our own loneliness, and the double empathy problem (it’s a mismatch, not a deficit). Plus her own honest account from school to adulthood, and why understanding the mechanics of your loneliness is the first step to doing something about it.

Resources

Mind — loneliness support — https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/useful-contacts/

Campaign to End Loneliness — https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/feeling-lonely/helpful-links/

Bridgette Hamstead — AuDHD & Loneliness (Substack) — https://substack.com/@bridgettehamstead/p-195049729

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @notquite_typical

Substack: ambernapthine.substack.com

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — search Not Quite Typical

Hey friends, just a gentle reminder: I’m sharing from my own lived experience with AuDHD, not a medical textbook! While some of our guests have clinical expertise, every single neurodivergent journey is different. This space is for sharing stories and community, so please always seek professional advice for your own personal health and wellbeing. Thanks for being here!

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