My Delight with Sarah Bartel – Details, episodes & analysis

How do you find time for sex when you'e a busy mom with young kids?

First, Sarah shares three mindset shifts, plus a bonus note on attitudes about motherhood:

1. You NEED to make time for your marriage. You don't find it, you make it. You need to make time for emotional connection with your husband, and also for sex. Ideally, you want both of them together, but if you only have time for one, consider prioritizing emotional connection first. Consider scheduling it, and have an attitude that accepts that preparation will make it better--just as Mass is scheduled, and entails many layers of preparation (the homily, music, flowers, usher plan, etc.).

2. Emotional connection is so important for making lovemaking meaningful and pleasurable. Women are designed to thrive sexually in an atmosphere of heart-to-heart connection with their husband, which includes that feeling of being truly known and seen. 

3. Good lovemaking takes time: ideally, 15-60+ minutes per session. If you don't care about it feeling good and bonding, or you don't care about feeling mutual pleasure, you don't need much time. However, that is likely to lead to you, the wife, feeling left behind, used, and resentful. You will be more likely to see sex as just another chore to check off your list. 

4. Motherhood does not have to mean you are frazzled and exhausted. That is not a sign that you are doing it right. It is incredibly demanding, but look for where you can bring in help and make space for more in your life than just caring for your kids. Make time to cultivate your mind, your friendships, your hobbies... and your idea of yourself as a lover, not just a mother. 

That said, here are four ideas for making time for good lovemaking in marriage:

1. Weekend afternoon, during the little one's nap. Put on a movie and set out snacks for the bigger kids. Then, Mommy and Daddy go to their bedroom to have "a little nap." 

2. Cereal Night. This is a weekday night in which you serve the easiest dinner possible--maybe even just cold cereal, in plastic bowls! Streamline the bedtime rooutine. Make it the simplest, easiest possible version of dinner and bedtime. Then, once the kids are in bed, Mom and Dad make a bee-line for their bedroom WITHOUT PICKING UP THEIR PHONES, laptop, or tablets first. (Those screens are "thieves in the night" that will steal your precious opportunities for emotional and sexual connection! They're a trap. Stay off, or an hour later you'll find yourselves scrolling or surfing, and then too tired to really have good lovemaking.) 

3. Set Your Alarms for the Middle of the Night. Get in one solid sleep cycle, and set your alarm for 4 hours after your heads hit the pillow. Then, wake up, make love in the dead of night, and go back to sleep for the rest of the night. 

4. Arrange Babysitting Just for Sex Time.  You can do a babysitting swap with another couple with young kids, bring the kids to in-town parents for the evening, or have a babysitter over while you two go to a faraway part of the house to "do your taxes" or "have a business meeting." Get a white noise machine if you want to. 

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

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Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

In this episode, Sarah welcomes special guest Nathan Bartel... her husband! 

Sarah asks Nathan about what led him to create his Holy Desires course for husbands. Along the way, they chat about:

• Philosophy (Nathan's Master's degree from CUA and his love of Aristotle)
• Virtue
• Struggles Husbands Face (mismatched libidos in marriage, not knowing how their wives' sexuality works, and finding the time amidst work and kids)
• Sex in Three Acts (Act I: Beforeplay + Foreplay, Act II: Intercourse, Act II: Afterglow)
• Men are Helicopters, Women are Jet Planes (Nathan reacts to a metaphor Sarah is testing out to help highlight the difference between men's and women's sexual responses.)

Nathan's 6-week Holy Desires class open through Friday, Oct. 10th, and won't reopen until March 2026. Check it out here if interested.

Want his free guide, Three Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams? Here you go!

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

How do you lovingly decline your husband's initiation of sex in a way that is still connecting and that doesn't feel like such a harsh personal rejection to him? 

In this episode, you'll learn how to put your "no" inside a Positivity Sandwich that affirms him and your desire to be connected in your relationship. 

*I address women declining husbands' initiations in this episode, but this technique is also very good for husbands to use when declining their wife's initiation, also!

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

The Abundant Catholic marriage course is on sale for 50% off (coupon code: JOY) until Thurs, June 10th in honor of the upcoming feast of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin!🌹 

Learn more at canafeast.com/abundant

Yes, life is busy... but that doesn't mean you can let your marriage stagnate on the back burner. Here are three reasons why you NEED to keep growing in your marriage and relationship skills, as well as some ideas for how to work on your marriage. 

1. Continuing education is important (and often required!) for professionals so they stay up to date and pursue excellence, whether as teachers, doctors, engineers, or accountants. In marriage, we also need continuing education! Continual growth, improvement, and change for the better is also part of the call every Christian has to continual conversion and growth in holiness. In marriage, we need to keep learning how to love better.

2.  Your kids and community deserve for your to be the best example of marriage you can be. Could you see your kids growing up and saying, "I want a marriage like my parents had?" This should be our goal!

3. Your sex life will benefit from improving your relationship skills, communication, connection, and togetherness! Sexual intimacy thrives in a marriage climate of emotional intimacy. It needs it in order to do what God designed it to do--to be a total, mutual, personal gift of self that is the physical expression of the spiritual communion of husband and wife.

Different ways to grow in your marriage can include: reading books about marriage and relationships, listening to podcasts, doing an online course, going on a marriage retreat, intentionally carving out time for each other, or going to counseling as a learning experience. 

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

In this episode, I’m joined by my husband Nathan as we share three keys to building emotional intimacy in marriage, inspired by Saints Louis and Zélie Martin.

You will hear about how this saintly couple put faith at the center of their relationship, and how they stayed connected and united to each other while honoring each other’s differences. 

We also share practical examples from our own marriage and offer a lot of encouragement along the way! 

If you want to join my husband and I for a deeper look at the spirituality of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, along with the "Little Way" of their daughter, Saint Therese of Lisieux, register for our free Little Way of Marriage workshop!

👉 Little Way of Marriage Workshop:
www.littlewayofmarriage.com

🌹 🌹 🌹

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

Are you not enjoying sex in your Catholic marriage? 

I bet I know why. It's likely at least one of these top 3 reasons that come up with women all the time in my coaching.

1. Obligation sex. 

2. Not enough foreplay

3. Not enough emotional connection

Women, your enjoyment of sex matters just as much as your husband's pleasure! You are created equal. Know your worth as a woman.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Ellen Holloway's Charting Towards Intimacy podcast! 😍

Obligation Sex article series by Sheila Gregoire

A Catholic moral philosopher countering the idea of marital debt: Dr. Tim Pawls 2 part interview series on Bridget Busacker's Managing Your Fertility Podcast

Improve emotional connection with the Cana Feast Retreat Library or the Abundant course, both available on CanaFeast.com.

Or try our free Little Way of Marriage workshop to learn small things that can improve your emotional and spiritual connection in marriage.

My new sex course for Catholic engaged and newlywed women! The Wedding Night and Beyond: A Catholic Bride's Guide to Sex and Intimacy

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

What can parents do to help prevent sexual abuse of their kids AND raise them to have a balanced, shame-free attitude towards their bodies? What should you do if your child keeps touching themselves? Dr. Julia Sadusky, a licensed clinical psychologist, and author, shares how Catholic parents can talk to their children and teens about sex in a healthy, helpful way. Dr. Sadusky shares practical advice for addressing:

• early childhood curiosity
• setting boundaries 
• and fostering open communication. 

So many adult women in marriage feel bad about their bodies and about their sexuality. Sarah has seen this with the married and engaged women she coaches. This type of conversation can help women heal their own sexual mindsets, which can allow them to feel more free to enjoy their love lives with their husbands in marriage.

Read these helpful books to learn more!

Start Talking to Your Kids About Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics, by Julia Sadusky

Talking with Your Teen About Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics, by Julia Sadusky

Find Dr. Julia Sadusky on her website, juliasadusky.com

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

How frequently should you be making love in your marriage?

This episode is all about frequency! In it, I share about:

-Quality vs. quanity

-Desire differences between spouses

-Spontaneous vs. responsive libido

-What the Church teaches about frequency (you might be surprised!)

-How to communicate about it as a couple

-One Christian author's observation about frequency to consider

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

What is perimenopause? How long does it last? What are the signs that you are in it? How can it affect your fertility and libido? Sarah talks with Christina Valenzuela, creator of the Perimenopause Prep Course, about thriving in the years before and after menopause. 

Understanding perimenopause, learning how to support your body through it, and communicating with your husband about your love life through this major change can empower you as a woman to be more positive and proactive about your hormonal and sexual well-being as the fertile years wind down. 

Check out Christina Valenzuela's wonderful Perimenopause Prep course!

Pearl and Thistle offers:

• Educational resources rooted in Theology of the Body
• Tools for building body literacy at all ages and stages
• Catholic resources that blend science and sacramental worldview

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

What challenges do single Catholic women face as they strive to live chastely while waiting to be married? How far is it okay to go when you are dating? How does a single woman develop of positive view of sex while not actually having sex? Maria Spears Mumaugh, a musician and mindset coach, is the co-founder of The Intentional Single, which helps single Catholic women thrive in the years of dating and single life as they prepare for marriage. She shares the struggles single women face regarding porn use, feeling "touch-starved" (and what to do about it), navigating appropriate boundaries while dating, and navigating purity culture's burden of anxiety and shame around sexuality.

They chat about fears dating women have about their boyfriends' (or future husband's) porn use, and how to address this likely possibility if marriage is in view.

Join in this fun conversation about thriving as a whole woman and laying a great foundation for your married sex life WHILE being single and dating.

The Intentional Single

Maria Spears Mumaugh's book The Mirror 

🌸 free online Catholic marriage workshop: the Little Way of Marriage 

Learn how to do little marriage-building skills with great love, inspired by St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, and her holy parents, Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin!

Support the show

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.