Motherhood Exposed Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

Since having their children by surrogacy, Mike and his partner have been advocating for equality in surrogacy as well as modernising guidelines and laws. They have also tirelessly supported many others through their surrogacy journeys. In this episode, Zoe speaks to Mike about his own experience to becoming a parent with his partner Wes, the challenges they had, the many positives and why they are so passionate about changing many of the conversations around surrogacy. KEY TAKEAWAYS Children were always on the cards for Mike and Wes. Mike had previously been married to a woman and one of the reasons was because of how much he wanted children. He was desperate to have his own family. Wes had a daughter from a previous relationship which made the start of their relationship difficult, Mike had to grow a lot and recognise he was the adult in the situation. She is now 17 and an incredible person who Mike and Wes are very proud of: she also makes the best big sister! Once Mike and Wes had decided to have a child together, they spent almost 3 years researching the options and the best way to do so. They decided on UK surrogacy, which they had to do independently as no UK agencies were taking on new intended parents. When they found their surrogate, Mike and Wes thought they didn’t want to stay in contact or be involved with the surrogate afterwards. But after going through the journey and feeling how much this surrogate was doing for them – they couldn’t just ‘dispose’ of the friendship. She made them parents, Mike felt ashamed that at the beginning he didn’t truly appreciate what she was doing for them. It was important for Mike and Wes to be present and supportive at all the appointments with the surrogate. They had a few awkward situations where they were told only the Dad was allowed in or were triggered by healthcare professionals asking for the ‘real dad’. Their experience made them want to change laws and guidelines around surrogacy as well as make surrogacy more normalised. We need to educate people around surrogacy and usualise it. Policy was very outdated in the NHS, they wouldn’t allow both Wes and Mike be present at the birth. By challenging this they ended up changing policy around surrogacy in the NHS. By telling their story, both intended parents in surrogacy can now be present at the birth. Mike and Wes have supported over 300 men through surrogacy and they have now launched their own non-profit organisation, my surrogacy journey. It focuses on support, counselling and providing a real managed solution to surrogacy for all. It’s be a really exciting and hectic journey for both Wes and Mike. Mike jokes that it is a good job they really like each other as they live, work, lobby and parent together! BEST MOMENTS “I just longed to be a parent” “Children are really important in my world”“I have nothing but admiration and love for her and her husband” “We need to educate people better about surrogacy…we need to talk about surrogacy more and usualise it” “It was the best thing I have ever witnessed” VALUABLE RESOURCESwww.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk ABOUT THE GUEST Michael Johnson-Ellis@twodads.u.k @officialmysurrogacyjourney @themodernfamilyshow https://www.mysurrogacyjourney.com https://themodernfamilyshow.co.uk ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF. CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

An honest and insightful episode where Zoe speaks to Sarah of the Instagram account @sarah_and_marnie. Sarah talks to Zoe about finding out her baby had downs syndrome during pregnancy and life now with her beautiful 3-year-old Marnie, who teaches her something new every day.   KEY TAKEAWAYS Sarah met her husband Colin at a NYE party. They started trying for a baby quite early on as they were both in their early forties. Sarah had children from previous relationships but Colin didn’t have any children yet and Sarah surprised herself by being very open to the idea. Sarah fell pregnant after 12 months but sadly she miscarried at 11 weeks. She found this really difficult, loss wasn’t something she had experienced before. A few months after she fell pregnant again. They had a reassurance scan at 9 weeks and began to get excited. They then had a 12 week scan where they first found out that there may be a chromosomal abnormality. After having blood tests to give the chances of the baby having Edwards, Downs or Patau Syndrome Sarah made the decision to have an amniocentesis test to find out for certain. Several days after they received the news that their baby had downs syndrome. It was a relief to Sarah as this was the news she was hoping for, both Edwards and Patau syndrome are described as ‘not compatible with life’ and would have been a devastating diagnosis. Sarah received little support emotionally from professionals throughout the pregnancy. There wasn’t any counselling or much literature around becoming parents to a baby with Downs Syndrome. She did receive extra scans as there is a higher chance of heart problems, but other than that she didn’t receive any additional help in her pregnancy. Thankfully, when she told her friends and family about the baby having downs syndrome the response was positive and they received tons of support. Although Marnie is only 3 and a half she has already experienced a lot, including modelling! Marnie is a very happy, easy going and bright little girl. A lot of the struggles for new mums of babies with downs syndrome is fear of the unknown. Sarah helps run a FB group about the positives of life with a downs syndrome baby and child: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dsukpositiveaboutdownsyndromegreatexpectations   BEST MOMENTS   “It was a black cloud hanging over us waiting for that call” “For me, downs syndrome was something we could do together as a family” “When you experience loss and then you have your baby in your arms it’s like no other feeling”“Don’t be afraid”     VALUABLE RESOURCESwww.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk   ABOUT THE GUESTSarah Louise@sarah_and_marnie https://www.facebook.com/groups/dsukpositiveaboutdownsyndromegreatexpectations   ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

Today Zoe speaks with Maya from the Instagram account @caribbeansnowflake about the tragic loss of her son Leo at 12 days old and her journey to becoming a mum for a second time via IVF to her son Freddie. Maya has incredible strength and resilience to endure what she has had to go through as a mother, but she has always tried to live her life filled with gratitude and positivity and this shines through in the way she talks about her trauma.     KEY TAKEAWAYS   Maya met her husband on a ski trip and at first didn’t even like each other! But they met again and discovered they had a lot in common and the rest is history. Both Maya’s pregnancy and labour with Leo was quite straightforward and normal. Living in the Cayman Island her pregnancy and birth was Dr lead, but this is standard. It was only the Monday after the birth when Leo wasn’t feeding well and the Dr thought he was looking a bit weak that they started running tests and put Leo on a feeding tube in the nicu.   The long days and nights waiting for a diagnosis were extremely hard and difficult for Maya and her husband. You aren’t supposed to be apart from your baby. After many scans and test they still did not know what was wrong with Leo and he was going downhill fast, the Drs had to incubate him and were recommending that they took him to Miami – they were told at best he would be severely disabled. Once they arrived in Miami Leo had more tests and he was finally diagnosed with a severe case of NKH, which is a genetic disorder caused by a mutation. It is very rare but is terminal and severely affects quality of life. After having the diagnosis, they made the difficult decision to turn off Leo’s life support, it was devastating. The aftermath of Leo’s death was heartbreaking and traumatic but Maya and her husband really wanted to bring another baby home in the future. They underwent genetic testing on themselves and discovered they would have a 1 in 4 chance of having a baby with NKH. They chose to go down the IVF route so that all their embryos could be genetically tested. Knowing that it wasn't the end of the road helped them with their grief. They had one genetically clear embryo, they had this transplanted successfully and 9 months later they had their son Freddie.     BEST MOMENTS   “That was probably the shittest night of my life”   “There can’t be anything wrong with him, look how perfect he is”   “Your brain can’t process all that information at once”   “It was his gift to us that they all got to meet him”   "It helped with the grief knowing it wasn't the end of the road"    VALUABLE RESOURCES No Matter What: https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Matter-What-DebiGliori/dp/1408850001/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=no+matter+what&qid=1623171787&sr=8-1 www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk       ABOUT THE GUEST Maya IG: @caribbeansnowflake IG: @makingittomotherhood         ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

In this episode, Zoe explores the devastation of infertility as she speaks with Rachel Lyons, who after a long journey of infertility, found hope and belonging in adoption.     KEY TAKEAWAYS   Rachel met her husband through mutual friends at a NYE fancy dress party, there was instant attraction from both sides and a couple of years later they were married! They began trying for a baby just before they got married, Rachel thought it would take some time as she has a long surgical history with Crohn’s disease. After 9 months of trying the anxiety of it all was really affecting Rachel and so she went to the doctors. they were very understanding and ran tests on her, which all came back normal. They were referred to an IVF clinic and this is where Rachel’s consultant said that there were unknowns associated with her past surgeries but they didn’t know anything specifically, they were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. It was a really isolating, difficult and sad time for Rachel, she felt responsible somehow. The first round of IVF they underwent didn’t work. After this Rachel started having pain in her back, she had to have surgery. Whilst undergoing surgery her surgeon took a look at her ovaries, when she came round, the surgeon gave her some hope by saying she needed to just keep trying to conceive. They underwent another round of IVF, but this didn’t work either. Rachel was in the lowest point in her fertility journey and in her life, she felt that mentally and physically she couldn’t do anymore IVF. After some really scary thoughts and a lot of soul searching she knew she needed to take a different path to parenthood, this led her to adoption. It took Rachel’s husband some time to process everything that had happened so far but once he had decided adoption was the right road to take he was very quick at setting things in motion for them. It was the first time Rachel felt so excited and hopeful for the future, she knew only something amazing would come from the path they were going down. The process for adoption wasn’t too difficult for Rachel and her husband, she thinks this is partly due to the fact they had some great social workers but also because they were emotionally ready to deal with all of the difficult aspects and part of the process. Everything happened quite quickly and they were matched with a little girl and were given half a day after meeting her social worker to get everything together, as they would be bringing her home the next day! They were handed their tiny 3-month-old baby the next day and the emotions they both felt were just indescribable. Everything made sense, the stars aligned and Rachel knew everything they had to go through to get to now was for this incredible thing to happen. Rachel is so passionate about the communities she is in and supports so many women in different ways, giving them the support she never had when she was in such a difficult and isolating place.     BEST MOMENTS   “A special little girl born from her heart”   “Deep down I just always knew there was going to be an aspect of difficulty, I just had that gut feeling”   “Why does my body just keep failing me, why can’t I do what my body should be able to naturally do, I just felt this immense responsibility of it not working”   “I knew it didn’t matter to me how I became a mum, I just knew I had to be a mum”   “I felt like the only thing that was going to come from this experience was something really amazing”   “You can’t take anything personally, it’s not about you it’s about the child”   VALUABLE RESOURCES https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bump-Road-Story-Fertility-Trying-ebook/dp/B08NG3Y5BW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BSEGG3JUCXJ4&dchild=1&keywords=a+bump+in+the+road&qid=1622450226&sprefix=a+bump%2Caps%2C276&sr=8-1   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk       ABOUT THE GUEST Rachel Lyons IG @ourlyonspride         ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

  In this episode, Zoe speaks to Lady Sarra Hoy, mother of two and wife to the one and only, sir Chris hoy, Britain’s most successful Olympian. Their first child, Callum, was delivered by emergency caesarean after Sarra developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELP syndrome.   Sarra is now an ambassador for the charity Bliss, listen in today as she talks through her journey of bringing Callum into the world.   KEY TAKEAWAYS   Sarra met her husband Chris, in the pub. They were introduced together by mutual friends, that was 16 years ago. Sharing our experiences can help others and Sarra feels it’s important to talk about her experience of being pregnant with Callum because of the awareness it raises.  Sarra started to feel unwell at 26 weeks and slowly felt worse. In hindsight she can see all the little signs that something wasn’t quite right but at the time she didn’t know that these were things she should be flagging to professionals. It was only when she called 111 after being unable to remedy her severe heartburn that they sent an ambulance for her. She started to feel better once at hospital but it turned out that she had actually had a heart attack. She was later diagnosed with HELP syndrome which is a severe form of preeclampsia. It can be difficult to distinguish preeclampsia symptoms with normal pregnancy symptoms but it’s about having the combination of them. The common symptoms of pre-eclampsia are: -Protein in the urine-High blood pressure for the mother-Weight gain/ Edema-Gastric Pain-Visual disturbances-Headaches   After being diagnosed with HELP syndrome, Sarra went in for a scan of the baby. It was discovered that Sarra’s placenta was failing and Callum had to be delivered by emergency c-section. Sarra wasn’t well enough to meet Callum until the next day. It’s a huge adjustment becoming a parent under normal circumstances. Learning to be a neo-natal mum is incredibly difficult, especially when no one can tell you your baby is going to be ok. Because of the fear and fright that Sarra was feeling she could see herself detaching herself from baby Callum. Sarra recognises at the time she wouldn’t have wanted to speak to someone about how she was feeling but knows now that it would have helped if she did.     BEST MOMENTS   “I do feel it’s important to talk about it and raise awareness”   “In hindsight, nothing was feeling right, but I didn’t know that”   “I can’t have anybody else go through this, it’s just too horrible”   “Nobody can tell you they are ok”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk   https://www.bliss.org.uk https://www.channel4.com/programmes/kathy-burkes-all-woman     ABOUT THE GUEST   Sarra Hoy IG: @sarra.hoy Twitter @sarrahoy https://www.bliss.org.uk https://www.channel4.com/programmes/kathy-burkes-all-woman     ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

  In this episode Zoe speaks to Jade from the Instagram account @notyour_averagefamily. Jade and her partner Adam are special guardians to their niece and nephew after the sudden and devastating death of their mother, Adam’s sister, when the children were just 4 and 5 years old.   5 years on and with the addition of their biological daughter Harper, Jade talks through her beautiful, loving but definitely not average family.   KEY TAKEAWAYS Jade and her partner Adam have always known each other, they went to the same school and lived close to one another. In 2012 Jade messaged Adam on Facebook as both of them had become single and the rest is history. 3 years after getting together Adam’s sister suddenly and tragically died, leaving three young children behind. The youngest two children’s Dad was not involved in their lives at all, Adam’s parents weren’t practically able to look after them so Adam and Jade saw themselves as the best option. It was a complex process and after gaining support an information they discovered that they could do something called ‘Special Guardianship’ of the children which is somewhere between fostering and adoption. They underwent a lot of intense interviews and meetings and luckily after lengthy processes and court systems they got this status. Both Jade and Adam were close with Adam’s sister and their children. They had all spent a lot of time together which they are so thankful for, because of the wonderful memories they have but also because they became special guardians. Children who have been through trauma thrive in a routine. This was one of the things Jade and Adam focused on at the beginning. They were also learning how to be parents whilst caring for children who had lost their mother, no easy feat. Jade recognises how lucky her and Adam were to have a great support system around them. It wouldn’t have been possible for them to take on the children and do as well as they have without that support. Understandably, when Jade and Adam had a child of their own, they were worried that there may be feelings of jealousy and other negative emotions and behaviours from their niece and nephew. Amazingly this wasn’t the case at all and all the children adore one another. BEST MOMENTS   “It’s important that is not something that splits you up but builds you as a couple”   “They were really, really close as siblings”   “They don’t have those titles but they are those people”   “Grief doesn’t just happen when that person dies”   “We just seem to love the chaos!”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk   IG @notyour_averagefamily   www.cafcass.gov.uk   www.winstonswish.org   https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/services-children-families/life-story-work   Life Story Work | NSPCC Learning The evidence base. Life story work is not unique to the NSPCC. But there is little research evidence about the value of this form of support and, as a result, it is not always prioritised by children’s services. learning.nspcc.org.uk     ABOUT THE GUEST Jade @notyour_averagefamily       ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

In this episode Zoe speaks with women’s health advocate, pelvic health physiotherapist and mother of two, Clare Bourne.   They talk about pelvic organ prolapse, exercise and Clare’s own experience of motherhood. An episode full of invaluable information as well as overcoming the adversity that comes with being a mum, both mentally and physically.   KEY TAKEAWAYS Clare has known her husband since they were teens when they were very close friends. They lost touch for most of their 20s but fate meant they crossed paths again and have now been married for 5 years and have two children. In Clare’s early 20s she hadn’t had any normal periods, she was diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea. It was a difficult few years for her because she couldn’t find a treatment that worked for her as well as the worry of not being able to have children when she was ready. Incredibly, Clare fell pregnant straight away after trying with her Husband and had her daughter 9 months later. Even though Clare was a pelvic physiotherapist she didn’t focus on her own pelvic health in her early 20s. Her training was mostly focused around birth and into menopause, we are not told as women that we need to start looking after our pelvic health when we are young, not just after birth or as we age. Clare has a prolapse which she discovered after birth, she believes it was due to a combination of complex reasons, including lack of knowledge before birth and a long pushing stage during labour. After a year of symptoms, she saw a PT that specialised in prolapse rehabilitation and became symptom free. With a prolapse, some women find that they become more symptomatic around ovulation and/or before their period. When suffering with a prolapse it’s important to take your own individual needs and experience into account. What exercise might be awful for one person might be totally ok for another and vice versa. Having her own experience with pelvic prolapse had absolutely helped Clare in her work. She has authentic empathy and understanding for her clients. BEST MOMENTS   “The hormone doctors were like, I don’t know what do with you!”   “Sometimes too much knowledge is not a good thing”   “I’m becoming more aware of my symptoms and I’m just not afraid of them anymore”   “Sadly, we can’t support all the women in the way they need at the moment and that does break my heart a bit”   “Saying to women that there are no blanket rules what we need to teach you is to be in tune with your system”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk         ABOUT THE GUEST Clare Bourne       ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

The 3rd-9th of May is Perinatal mental health week in the UK. In this episode Zoe speaks with Eve Canavan who suffered post-partum psychosis after the birth of her son Joe 11 years ago. She now a coordinator for the perinatal mental health partnership. They talk about Eve's experience of postpartum psychosis, what support is out there, the and delve deep into the representation of post partum mental health and many people's   misguided ideas of what this can look like, including health professionals who should know better. KEY TAKEAWAYS Eve has a very rare condition where she has two wombs and two vaginas, so she has two birth canals. This meant she did have some difficulties conceiving so when she became pregnant with Joe she was overjoyed. Eve had consultant-led care throughout her pregnancy and he was delivered by a planned C-section. She received excellent care. As soon as an hour after the birth Eve started to have fleeting scary thoughts and spent the next three days with unexplained feeling of hotness. She left the hospital and found the car journey home very distressing even though what she was claiming to see and experience was not there. Over the next few weeks Eve began to feel worse, she had a sense of feeling trapped. She felt trapped in her house, in her brain and in the world. She told the health visitors and midwives that she was suffering but she didn’t receive any help or solutions. Often post-partum psychosis is portrayed in the media by mothers having thoughts of wanting to harm their baby but actually this isn’t always a symptom. Eve didn’t have this symptom and believes this is why she was continually dismissed. It took her husband John to drive out of town to a psychiatric outpatient unit in Nottingham to be listened to and then Eve was able to stay in a mother and baby unit there. Eve suffered many varying symptoms of post-partum psychosis, she had racing thoughts, hallucinations, delusions, mania, low moods, confusion, visual disturbances and the inability to be able to carry out just ordinary tasks.   Eve has always been very open with her son Joe about her experience, she believes that we can’t let mental illness hold a fear over us, we have to talk about it. Ultimately it’s something we have experienced and lived through, it is part of us.   As well as a stay in the mother and baby unit. Eve had exposure therapy, CBT and EMDR therapy and medication. This combination saved her life.   1 in 5 women will experience some kind of perinatal mental illness. Perinatal psychosis is diagnosed in around 1 in 1000 births, it isn’t as rare as people believe it to be. BEST MOMENTS   “I feel trapped”   “When we talk about mental illness it’s about not being scared of it”   “It’s ok to avoid triggers, you don’t have to get over everything”   “There is still work to do”   “It’s not as rare as people think”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk IG: @eviecanavan @perinatalmhpartnership www.perinatalmhpartnership.com       ABOUT THE GUEST Eve Canavan   IG: @eviecanavan @perinatalmhpartnership www.perinatalmhpartnership.com         ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell                        

  Today Zoe Speaks to Elle Wright, an author, --- and mother. They talk about Elle's complex, difficult and unforgiving journey of infertility and loss in her new book A Bump in the Road. They discuss many heavy and challenging topics but this is exactly why Elle writes about her personal journey, of overwhelming emotions and loss.  She feels she needs to help pave the way to have these conversations no matter how difficult they can be to have. If it makes even one person feel less alone then it is all worth it.   KEY TAKEAWAYS   Elle journaled in a record keeping way about her fertility journey, this was an invaluable aid in writing her book as if there was anything she was unsure on she could go back and refer to what she had written previously.  It is incredibly difficult for Elle to write about things that have happened to her in the moment, whilst they are happening, so when she is going through something particularly hard she does have to take a break from social media until she is ready to talk. One of the things many people who have undergone fertility treatment struggle with is the sense of a great loss of time. The length for everything to happen and take place can be extremely frustrating. Zoe is always in awe of women who manage to undergo IVF treatment and remain in full time employment. So many people do not realise how brutal the process is on you both physically and mentally. After suffering many health complications Elle really wanted to try and do a natural IVF cycle, she was so sick of all the drugs she had taken, she just wanted a rest from it all. Sadly it wasn’t to be as she was cruelly told by a nurse. This was one of her hardest moments as it was when her last bit of hope got taken away from her, she almost gave up. Wonderfully, the next appointment she had she was told that her eggs could be used and after that round she became pregnant! Seeing the heartbeat of her daughter Olivia for the first time was just indescribable for Elle. It was pure, unadulterated joy. Elle's son Teddy tragically died at 3 days old, pregnancy after loss is so complicated no one can help the way your brain works after that kind of trauma so the anxiety she felt whilst pregnant with Elle was overwhelming at times, it couldn't be explained away.One of the things she did herself to try and help with the anxiety was focus on the aspects she could control, this took her mind off many of the things that couldn't be controlled or planned. Elle’s daughter Olivia was due to be born by an elective c-cection but she decided to make her own dramatic entrance earlier! Elle was doing her evening routine at home and she felt a pop, she thought it was her waters but she looked down and all she could see was a pool of blood, she screamed but no sound came out. In her mind, she thought if her baby didn’t die, she would, because it was the one thing that hadn’t happened to her yet. Once in hospital she was put on a monitor and thankfully they could hear a heartbeat. Her consultant arrived and made the decision for Elle to have an emergency c-section. Olivia was born healthy and this is the start of their new chapter as a family.   BEST MOMENTS   “The detail just kind of blew my mind a bit!”   “It was all about using our home as a massive form of escapism”   “Someone waves a magic wand and you’re free!” “I was so done with drugs” “I needed to fix those little things so that I feel it wouldn’t happen” “If my baby doesn’t die, I’m going to die”   “The consultant and midwife didn’t say anything to one another, I guess they were communicating in knowing looks”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk Sophie Smith @life.before.you  Zara Dawson @littlenorfolkcottage Rachel Lyons @ourlyonspride Vanessa Haye @venessahaye    Little Roo Neonatal Fund  https://www.ashfordstpeters.nhs.uk/littleroo   Teddys Wish  https://www.teddyswish.org   Tommy’s  https://www.tommys.org       ABOUT THE GUEST   Elle Wright         ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell

Today Zoe talks to Louise about her very special little girl Jessica, who was born with a heart condition. Devastatingly in 2018 Jessica died at aged 6 ½ and Louise shares how she is navigating both life and grief without her little girl.   KEY TAKEAWAYS   Louise met Michael in university, they have been together ever since. They got married in 2009 and Louise became pregnant in 2011. The pregnancy was very normal at the start but at the 20 week scan they found out that there was something wrong with the baby’s heart, they were referred to get a more detailed scan. They had a risky procedure whilst baby was still in the womb, it was successful and their baby Jessica survived birth but she still had a very underdeveloped left side to her heart. Jessica had her first open-heart surgery at just 8 hours old, one of many surgeries to come. After four weeks they were able to take Jessica home. After her fourth surgery at 7 months, Jessica was given the prognosis that if she made it to 5 years old she would have a good likelihood of making it to adulthood but Louise and Michael were always aware that her case was complex. Louise and Michael had a second child, Sophie, 2 years later, there were no complications in this pregnancy but Louise still suffered with some anxiety and was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression after Sophie was born. Louise attributes this down to the fact she had so much support after the birth of Jessica and she struggled with the normality of life after having Sophie. But once she was open she had therapy and this as well as peer support really helped. Jessica was a joy carrier. She was always smiling and laughing, she took everything in her stride and was always just so happy. The bond and relationship Sophie and Jessica had as sisters was very special, they supported and loved each other so much. Jessica had her final surgery, recovery was good and they left hospital after 3 weeks and after 6 weeks she was back at school. They felt they were on the other side and could look to the future. Jessica went back to school and she was doing ok but one morning at school she wasn’t very well and she was taken to hospital for a check and was sent home. She then picked up a cold and she couldn’t seem to shake off. She had various appointments and seemed to be doing a bit better, everyone thought she just needed some time to fully recover. The family had a day out but Jessica had a coughing fit and had to go into hospital. She was diagnosed with a viral-induced wheeze and was given medication to go home with. Devastatingly Jessica collapsed at home in the night and died in hospital after multiple attempts at resuscitating her. The only way Louise and Michael can manage the grief is by taking each day as it comes. Louise also found that writing, allowing herself space to grieve and giving Jessica attention and time in this way also helped. Louise was pregnant when Jessica died, she had her third child, Thomas, three months later by home birth. She was so scared she wouldn't bond with Thomas but as soon as she saw him she adored him and felt so much relief that she loved him.     BEST MOMENTS   “You need to stop being a midwife and just be a mummy right now”   “When Jessica was born, when I heard that cry, it was hands down the most joyful moment of my entire life”   “The future of Jessica was so uncertain we always lived in the moment”   “Everything was overwhelming and too much, I didn’t know how to deal with normality”   “I was really numb at that point, it just felt unreal”   VALUABLE RESOURCES   www.petalscharity.org www.tommys.org www.arc-uk.org www.sands.org.uk       ABOUT THE GUEST   Louise @littleheartsbiglove - instagram www.littleheartsbiglove.co.uk   charities: Halo Childresn Foundation - www.halochildrensfoundation.org.uk Little Hearts Matter - www.lhm.org.uk Single Ventricle Heart Condition Charity - Little Hearts Matter Welcome to Little Hearts Matter. We are a national UK charity offering help to anyone affected by the diagnosis of single ventricle heart condition. www.lhm.org.uk     ABOUT THE HOST Zoe Cresswell Devoted mother of two (and a big hairy dog), UK trained midwife, doula and personal trainer, specialising in pre and postnatal fitness. Zoe was born in the UK and before moving to Dubai in 2013 and worked as a midwife in central London, both in a birth centre and a very busy NHS hospital. Although late to the scene, Zoe is an aspiring athlete having won numerous triathlons and representing Great Britain where she placed within the top 10 on the world stage. With her husband James, the couple will soon be launching their cloth nappy company, Bop & Bee, where they hope to inspire families to swap a few disposable nappies a day for the more planet friendly option of cloth. Zoe’s goal is to share her knowledge and experience, tell real life stories, manage expectations and open up those often difficult conversations. Zoe’s own motherhood journey has been full of twists and turns as she put everything on hold and went through numerous miscarriages and rounds of IVF.   CONTACT DETAILS Instagram : @zoecresswell_me Facebook: Zoe Cresswell LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/zoe-cresswell