Mistakes Were Made – Details, episodes & analysis

Sarah and Alex make sense of the election results by talking about developmental stages, anti-social behavior, and oh yeah and also polyamory.

Mentioned in the episode:

• Voting patterns by income

• Thoughts vs Feelings

• Polywise

• Polysecure

• More about Kegan and “The Evolving Self” 

• Winnicott on the Psychology of Democracy

• More about Winnicott (and the ideas he stole from his wife)

• People with more privilege have less empathy

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Welcome to season 4 of Mistakes Were Made! Today we're asking: How much conflict should you expect in a healthy relationship? In this episode Sarah, Jessica and Alex explore how to fight better (rather than avoiding fights altogether) by understanding our internal patterns and reaction styles. Logo design by Roy Franklin: http://whateverfactory.org.

Mentioned in the episode:

• The Waterline Model

Talk to us:

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast

Alex wants to talk about performance anxiety….and Sarah really, really doesn’t.

Mentioned in the episode:

Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm

Cleveland Clinic: Erectile Dysfunction

Book: The Ice Storm, by Rick Moody

Hump! 2024 National Tour Dates

Book: Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski

"5 things you can say to someone who didn't have an org@sm" from @QueerSexTherapy on Instagram

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Two local organizers talk about their experiences being solo poly; what they like about it, the challenges, independence, couples privilege and more. Stay tuned for the lightning round!

Mentioned in the episode:

• Puget Sound Polyamory Meetup Group
• Evergreen Hearts
• Poly Prom
• Newcomers Social
• Connections Speed Dating
• Puget Sound Polyamory
• The NY Times says solo poly is just a fancy word for dating around…lol

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Our guest is "Manthropologist" Dr Eric FitzMedrud (okay, we made that title up, he doesn't really call himself that). We asked Dr FitzMedrud to decode Sarah and Jessica's bad dates with men, using tools from his book The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex. 

Dr FitzMedrud, who is poly and bi, takes a compassionate approach to understanding the patterns men bring to both poly and mono relationships, and helps them unpack their violent socialization, emotional isolation, and destructive masculinity in his psychotherapy practice, his writing, and in this episode. 

To learn more, visit https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man/

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Special Midnight Mini episode: Polyamory seems to have suddenly gone mainstream, with the New Yorker and New York Magazine running cover stories in the last couple months. Sarah and Alex dig into the icky feelings that came up reading these stories, and realize that it might be about uncomfortable trends that implicate them.

Mentioned in the episode: 

• The Cut, New York Magazine: A Practical Guide to Polyamory

• How did polyamory become so popular? (The New Yorker)

• American Poly, by Christopher M. Gleason

• More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter

More reading:

• How a polyamorous mom had a ‘big sexual adventure’ and found herself (NY Times)

• @Bimbo.Theory on Instagram

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

The leading researcher into poly dating app usage shares what works and what doesn’t in profiles, gives insights into the trends in non-traditional relationship styles around the country, and defines the dizzying jargon of poly subcultures. Listen until the end to find out what “dexting” means. 

Sign up for Riki Thompson's workshops and get a 20% discount using the code “Mistakes” 

https://rikithompson.com/#post-152 

Evergreen Hearts Lecture Series

Follow Riki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtuallyriki/ 

Mentioned in the episode:

• Riki’s article on “What is a Polycule”

• Riki’s article on what we can learn from poly couples during the pandemic

• Book: The Ethical Slut

• Audiobook: Opening Up

• Most online hate targets women, says EU report

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Should non monogamous parents be “out” to their kids? In this episode Sarah and Alex ask different parents about their approaches to sharing their relationships with their children – from secrecy, to involving secondary partners in parenting – then share mistakes they've made in balancing their feelings and dating schedules with what was developmentally appropriate for their kids.

Mentioned in the episode:

• Do Happy Parents Raise Healthier Kids?

• Fully automated Luxury Gay Space Communism

• A brief summary from Reddit: “It refers to a communist society. Full automated: production is automatic, so people can focus on whatever they want. Luxury: see above. Gay/Queer: gender and other such harmful constructs are abolished, making everybody queer/gay. Space: communist society could allow us to colonize space. Communism: communism.”

Stay in touch with us:

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Sarah and Alex talk about the jealousy and panic that comes up when partners are on dates or trips with others, the roots of those feelings, and how rituals of connection and communication can help. Oh, and also how the film ET is a meta text for polyamory(?)

Mentioned in the episode:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/2HFb3BywGM 
• https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/8SvfUvZord

"Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation" --Judith Lewis Herman

"Trauma happens in relationships, so it can only be healed in relationships. Art can't provide healing. It can be cathartic and therapeutic but a relationship is a three-part journey." --Alanis Morissette

Take action to suport Palestine:

• Palestine Feminist Collective's digital action toolkit: http://bit.ly/PFCToolkit

Follow updates from Gaza:

• Palestine Academy: https://www.instagram.com/palestine.academy/
• https://www.instagram.com/wizard_bisan1/
• https://www.instagram.com/byplestia/
• https://www.instagram.com/eye.on.palestine/ 

Donate to relief efforts:

• https://www.instagram.com/healing.our.homeland/
• https://www.instagram.com/medicalaidpal/ 

Stay in touch with us:

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Alex’s partner leaves him for monogamy, sparking a conversation about cowboy-ing, triangulation and attachment.

Mentioned in the episode:

PolyPhilia: https://www.instagram.com/polyphiliablog/

Attachment Panic, the album by Alex & Sarah’s alt country band: https://open.spotify.com/album/2zrOxbFLVA4Y4L3m9Cjamq

mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/