Lost or Found – Details, episodes & analysis

Join us today, as Pam Tuosto is here to talk about Divorce care! Coping with a breakup or divorce can be intensely painful and many different emotions show up throughout the process of divorce: sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, relief, contentment, happiness, and joy.

Most people will tell you that separation and divorce are the most painful and stressful experiences they've ever faced. It's a confusing time when you feel isolated, and have many questions about issues you've never faced. 

DivorceCare Groups meet weekly for 13 weeks to help you face these challenges and move toward rebuilding your life. It is also offered locally in our community as well, at Twin Lakes Church, Santa Cruz, CA. And Pam is here to talk about it!

On today’s episode- I’m joined by my friends Oriana Gliessman and Carla Roa- as we ask each other hard questions and tough silly questions. 

Join us as we get frank, laugh, and spill some of our beans.  For growth of course!

Today, we talk about generational trauma with Ken Robins!

Dr. Bruce Lipton, the author of The Biology of Belief, notes that we are programmed to live a certain way by those who take care of us. In turn, this affects how we live, a lifestyle we may not have knowingly chosen for ourselves. Glennon Doyle, in her book Untamed, calls it an unnecessary burden that is passed on. Some people call this family karma or family patterns. Others call it generational trauma. Because of the issues of the parents, siblings, or generational forefathers, there’s a certain energetic pattern that develops within the family at large as pain continues to get passed on.

It’s remarkable how this traumatic bundle is unknowingly passed down for lifetimes. It could have started with one person, but others subsequently continue to follow the pattern and forget its origin. We are still connected to past generations and generations of people we never knew through dysfunction. Really kind of crazy if you think about it. Not only are we physically related to our distant and immediate family members, but we can still be living with their learned patterns and pain. 

What sucked in their lives could be what sucks in our lives. 

Ken Robins was born on 9/11/1944 during a bombing raid in London and grew up in extreme poverty and violence and has been seeking the safety and healing of healthy relationships ever since.

He is fascinated by the potential for suffering to become a blessing and specializes in the healing of trauma and the promotion of ”safe attachment” in intimate partnerships.

Ken was a group, couples and individual process leader at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur for 30 years and continues his private practice in Carmel Valley California.

In this week’s episode, I speak with Dr. Christine Fahrenbach, PhD,  about what we still carry in our lives.  What if the truth has always been that we are all worthy of a beautiful life? Life can be stressful for all of us.  But among people who have had trauma in their past and carry their trauma or remnants of it – including the stress from everyday – elevated stress levels are more common.  The two main categories of trauma are commonly referred to as Big “T” and small “t” traumatizations.  While Big T traumas can be seen as life threatening experiences, small “t” traumas are also painful and can include bullying, emotional abuse, difficult relationships, or loss of a pet. Join us in this interesting and insightful conversation as we discuss the possibilities of our lives!

Energy vampires are people who drain your emotional energy, and if you really have one in your life, it may feel as if they are feeding off of your life force.  They are everywhere.  They can be your partner, your friend, your workmate, your client, or your patient.  And sometimes these behaviors can be very toxic, as well as emotional and dramatic.  Lisa Campion and I talk about energy vampires!  If you have someone in your life that constantly hurts you and drains you- you may have one in your life.

Sometimes in life, we really can’t imagine what it’s like to be someone, unless we are in their shoes.  Explicit and implicit bias exists.  Racism exists, and with that, oppression.  Sola Adelowo and I talk about her experiences as a black woman- in the U.S., Switzerland, and in South Africa. In a conversation that began after she had revealed to me that she was called the “N-word” by a white man, Sola talks about her own life. How can we honor all of humanity if we don’t recognize that not all are treated equally?

This is a topic that every parent should know about.⁠ If you are a survivor- how have you been managing your memories?⁠ Understandably – it is a very difficult topic.  But it is so unfortunately common-  when 1/3 girls and at least 1/5 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.  And as many as 93% of victims under the age of 18 know the abuser.  I speak with Marybeth Beers who, over 40 years ago, was sexually abused by her swim coach.  She is here today, to talk about the impact that the experience made on her growing up and her adult life.  Child sexual abuse is a significant but preventable public health problem.  Although we may not be able to change the perpetrator, we can empower ourselves with knowledge and awareness- to prevent this from happening to our children, and their children.⁠

The Second Victim Syndrome can occur when a health care professional makes a medical error and become traumatized by the event – manifesting psychological (such as shame, guilt, anxiety, grief, and depression), cognitive (such as burnout, secondary traumatic stress), and physical reactions that have a personal negative impact.  And second victim syndrome may not necessarily be from a medical mistake, it can also be caused by a bad outcome for a patient. Dr. Berry Armstrong, MD, and I talk about second victim syndrome, the secret struggle of the medical professional as it is relatable to other fields, and how we can consider shining a light on our pain.

What if there’s an afterlife, and life is not just as we believe it to be?  What if, at our death, going to the light as a spirit, is a choice?  As Jennifer Lyn discusses in this interview, there are earthbound spirits who were once human. Some remain angry. Some want to be left alone or remain in the shadows. Some stay behind because they feel their life was unfinished, or perhaps they are still searching for something and are scared.  As we think about the choices that we can make in our lives, perhaps healing is critical, lest we hold onto those emotions in our hearts and soul forever.  You can find Jennifer Lyn at jenniferlynmedium.com.

Rabbi Eli Cohen and I speak about the Kabbalah and Jewish mysticism.  Kabbalah is a discipline and school of thought in Jewish mysticism, to explain the relationship between the unchanging and eternal God.  We talk about how God moves in mysterious ways, how the essence of God could have always been there even when we don’t see it.  A truly fascinating discussion as we talk about true knowledge as we try to understand our inner process, learn and grow, to know the essence of God.