This episode is brought to you by Audible, Fatty15 and LMNT.
Today I we sit down with psychotherapist and author Jessica Baum to explore how our earliest attachment patterns and trauma bonds shape the way we love, connect, and heal. Drawing from her groundbreaking new book SAFE: A Process for Creating Safe and Intimate Relationships with Yourself and Others, Jessica explains how the body stores implicit memory, why safety—not strength—is the gateway to healing, and how we can transform our nervous system responses to build secure, authentic relationships. Together, Chase and Jessica dive into the neuroscience of trauma healing, the difference between familiar love and real safety, the role of co-regulation, and how facing your own fears of abandonment can lead to the deepest peace and connection you've ever known.
Follow Jessica @jessicabaumlmhc
Follow Chase @chase_chewning
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00:00 – Why we repeat unhealthy relationship patterns
02:00 – How childhood attachment and body memory shape love
04:00 – Safely feeling what we've suppressed
06:00 – When healing triggers hidden trauma
07:30 – Safety as the gateway to true healing
10:00 – The science of trauma healing and earned security
13:30 – Safe love vs. familiar love
15:30 – Vulnerability, intimacy, and doing the work
17:00 – Healing while single vs. within a relationship
18:00 – Finding anchors: people who help you feel safe
19:30 – Why we crave love even after pain
20:50 – Mistaking intensity for love and trauma bonding
23:30 – Starting the work and finding support
25:00 – How to "therapy yourself" and identify core wounds
27:00 – How trauma lives in the body
30:00 – The nervous system, polyvagal theory, and safety cues
33:00 – Understanding nervous system states (ventral, sympathetic, dorsal)
35:00 – Co-regulation and energetic connection
38:00 – How to recognize a trauma bond
41:00 – Learning to be safe alone
43:00 – Healing abandonment and generational patterns
47:00 – Revisiting childhood wounds without parents
50:00 – Parenting, awareness, and intergenerational healing
52:00 – "It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility"
54:00 – Talking to your inner child and resourcing safety
56:00 – Anchors, inner and outer, for emotional regulation
59:00 – Revisiting painful memories and integrating trauma
01:00:30 – How trauma healing improves physical health
01:03:00 – Compassion, memory, and changing your past
01:06:00 – The role of compassion in creating safe relationships
01:09:00 – The science and humility behind SAFE
01:13:00 – Redefining "Ever Forward": slowing down to heal
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