DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better – Details, episodes & analysis

“No one smells what space smells like when you scream… in space”

A theremin plays that one thing that it can do in the background as the panel of peril walk through a small graveyard filled with (five or six) wobbly tombstones. They are searching for the screening room for this week’s film Plan 9 From Outer Space (Ed Wood, 1957).

In what some have dubbed the ‘worst film ever made’, SEE! zombies rise from the grave (Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Tor Johnson)! WATCH! in horror as they slowly shamble about killing the living and that! VIEW! the alien spacecraft that hovers ominously and perhaps controls the nefarious creatures! Will humanity prevail???

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiZp2sXkVUg

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Yes, dear listener, the glistening chrome spaceship from beyond the stars holds the power to control the undead! But not for pure malice, friends. No. They mean to prevent a man-made apocalypse of the entire universe, thanks to the human discovery of solaronite: the very real, the very dangerous substance that explodes sunlight particles that fill both human and inhuman air! Can the humans prevent this diabolical plan to save the universe, or shall we become death the destroyer of worlds?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the aliens’s plan (9)? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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“I think they deserved to die, if that’s what killed ‘em”

The panel of peril fall a small distance from a rickety bridge into a shallow river and arrive home soaking wet! They are sopping wet, but otherwise fine – thus their viewing of Beetlejuice (Tim Burton, 1988) shall commence as planned!

When the Deetz family (Catherine O’Hara, Winona Ryder) move from the city into a new home they plan to do what new homeowners always do – redocrate, remodel, redesign. But little do they know that the house is home to it supernatural former residents the Maitlands (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis). A battle of the wills commences, but which family shall gain the upper hand?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ickbVzajrk0

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The ghostly duo decide to enlist the dubious services of “bio-exorcist” Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) to help rid them of those pesky city folk. Things don’t quite go how the Maitlands’ imagined however, as they become fond of the youngest member of the new residents, and Betelgeuse demands that same girl’s hand in marriage. Yikes.

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the ghost with the most’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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“Live fast, die young, leave a terrible-looking Smurf-corpse”

The panel of peril pull up at their local Netto, shove as much tinned goods, AKs, ammo, and Bolinger into their shopping trolley/wheelbarrow as they can, before holing up to watch this week’s film Dawn Of The Dead (George A. Romero, 1978).

The (zombie) apocalypse is here! Ken Foree, David Emgee, Gaylen Ross and Scott H. Reiniger play a quartet determined to not only survive, but thrive in this new world filled with shambling, hungry, animated corpses. Taking refuge in a shopping mall, they live a life of surprising comfort, if not outright decadence, their every need catered for by the fine establishments within. But for how long will their consumerist utopia remain a safe-haven?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_EviQj5tvA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Are they safe… in a word, ‘no’. In two words, ‘no, no’. Eventually falling foul of a large, invading biker gang (spearheaded by the legendary Tom Savini), our heroes have two choices – fight or flight. Will they stand their ground and take on the bikers and zombies simultaneously, or will they literally take flight in their snazzy TV station ‘copter?

But just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon a bunch of smelly, nerd, bikers’ plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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“You slaggin’ me?”

The panel of peril stand side by side, stare into the bathroom mirror whilst having a group shave and DO NOT say Candyman five times because that would be very silly indeed. Instead, they finish shaving, towel off the excess moisture from their faces and sit down to watch Nia DaCosta’s legacy sequel to Candyman… Candyman!

Candyman (2021) finds local artist Anthony McCoy (Yahya Abdul Mateen II) drawn into the folklore of urban legend the Candyman whilst researching for his latest piece. But a fateful trip to the projects of Cabrini Green will send him down an irrevocable path of horror following a chance encounter with a bee and local Candyman lore-master William Burke (Colman Domingo). Will Anthony escape the clutches of the mythical monster (Tony Todd), or will he join a long list of victims?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikDJlfuU758

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

As Anthony investigates the differing tales of the Candymen who have haunted Cabrini Green throughout the ages local launderette owner Burke enacts his evil scheme. He manipulates the artist’s every move as he twists Anthony’s mind, body and soul into that of the newest incarnation of Cabrini Green’s vengeful spirit. But to what end? And will Burke succeed in his diabolical plan?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Music by QubeSounds from Pixabay

“Catching blood in a Snap, Crackle and Pop bowl”

The panel of peril throw themselves in front of a gunman during a prison escape, get bundled into a high-tech plane, transported to the hidden nation of Wakanda, and upon waking go “Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” They then watch the MCU’s Black Panther before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Normal Monday stuff.

Black Panther (2018) sees T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) struggle to modernise the country he presides over, and he is hindered by challenges from within (M’Baku played by Winston Duke) and without (Killmonger played by Michael B. Jordan and Klaue played by Andy Serkis). Can T’Challa stave off those threats, protect his nation and atone for his family’s past misdeeds?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjDjIWPwcPU

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Eric Killmonger is a man with a chip on his shoulder. Cousin of T’Challa, his claim to the throne of Wakanda is fuelled by the trauma of witnessing his father’s murder at the hands of (former Wakandan sovereign) King T’Chaka as a child, and the burden of the weight of history of African Americans being sold into slavery. He’s a powder keg ready to explode, but will he succeed in a hostile takeover of Wakanda and then the planet?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villains’ masterplan? And who will be coronated this week’s most diabolical?

Music by 24414830 from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

“The teeth in the opening segment look very good for a 1970s teeth”

The panel of peril apply their collective lippy, pull on some fishnets, pour a load of food colouring (or something) into a bath and somehow create human (?) life! After which they relax by watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod.

This week’s film was released in 1975 and sees engaged, virginal, squares Brad (Barry Bostwick) and Janet (Susan Sarandon) suffer a car malfunction one drive that sees them having to spend the night at a creepy castle in the middle of nowhere. Populated by a colourful cast of characters including Dr. Frank N Furter (the incomparable Tim Curry), Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien), Magenta (Patricia Quinn) and the titular Rocky (Peter Hinwood), will the paramours make it to the morning – and at what cost?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4plqh6obZW4

Every 20th Century Fox Fanfare Variation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqMokB1lZYE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Dr. Frank N Furter is a creature of excess, but at heart they just want to be loved. So much so that Frank is willing to create the perfect lover/companion to satisfy their every need. But will Brad and Janet discover Frank’s diabolical plot, or will they themselves be seduced by the devilishly handsome Doctor? Maybe both, who knows?! (I know)

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

TIME WARP!

Original version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umj0gu5nEGs

Damian cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gti_D7jx7cM

Glee cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9VJqA_t8LQ

Tenacious D cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aZPJBjutY0

“Like some macabre beaver”

The panel of peril crack their knuckles revealing just how ruddy tattooed those very joints are: LOVE? HATE? Yes, that’s what they say, can you believe it? Then they watch Night of the Hunter before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod.

Night of the Hunter (1955) is film actor Charles Laughton’s lone directorial effort and casts Robert Mitchum as dodgy preacher Harry Powell as he arrives in town to try and find the money former cellmate Ben Harper has hidden on his wife and children’s farmland. Will Powell find the cash, and what depths will he stoop to in order to gain it?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8dX6ZKJe2o

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Ingratiating himself into the Harper family by marrying then murdering matriarch Willa, Harry knows the way to the money is by getting the information from children John and Pearl. When they escape his clutches just how will he find them and by extension the wonga?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Uranium kids toys here!:

https://thebulletin.org/virtual-tour/worlds-most-dangerous-toy-radioactive-atomic-energy-lab-kit-with-uranium-1950/

Jellied tomato refresher: https://dreamingofchickens.com/2017/10/10/that-70s-diet-day-1-jellied-tomato-refresher/

Vaseline advertisement: https://www.reddit.com/r/vintageads/comments/4snbqq/so_pure_you_can_eat_it_1930s_vaseline_white/

Lux advertisement: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/173574290344

Butter advertisement: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/boy-eating-butter-ad/

Hoover advertisement: https://visualpast.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/sexism-in-the-1950s/

Free for chubbies advertisement: https://www.kingofcopy.com/ads/free-for-chubbies/

Music by ASTROFREQ from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by PianoAmor from Pixabay

“This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps”

The panel of peril open a container of half and half, give it a sniff, then settle in to watch Joel and Ethan Coen’s The Big Lebowski. Afterwards they plan on lighting fire to a big old doobie and inhaling the smoke before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod.

The Big Lebowski (1998) finds The Dude (Jeff Bridges) being enlisted as investigator into the kidnapping plot of Bunny Lebowski, trophy wife of his rich namesake Jeffrey Lebowski. A madcap plot involving The Dude’s bowling team friends Walter (John Goodman), Donny (Steve Buscemi), The Jesus (John Turturro), a group of nihilists and their ferret, and many, many more! Can The Dude get to the bottom of mystery?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd-go0oBF4Y

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

As The Dude digs deeper and deeper into the mystery of the missing Bunny, several suspects present themselves: the nihilists, porn film director Jackie Treehorn, Bunny herself and finally the titular Big Lebowski. Who is to blame for this most underhanded/confusing of situations? Find out in the pod (I already know, we recorded it aaaaaages ago).

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

“The Departed. Let’s talk about The Departed.”

The panel of peril pause, after watching The Departed, for a moment; Craig double crosses Gaz, Ben double crosses Craig, and Adam double crosses Ben. What a pickle! However will they get on the same page to then try to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod? I should make clear that they aren’t dead, just horribly injured and capable of speech.

Martin Scorsese’s The Departed (2006) finds Irish mob boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) installing a mole in the Boston Police Department (Colin Sullivan played by Matt Damon) to gain the inside track on manoeuvres against his operation. Unbeknownst to him, police office Billy Costigan (Leonardo Dicaprio) has been sent on an undercover operation into the mob too. What are the odds?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iojhqm0JTW4

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Pretty much the same as above this week, tbh innit? Dicaprio’s trying to get dirt on the mob, Damon’s feeding intel to the mob – it’s a whole dosey doe type dealio. But will Costello’s scheme be successful in keeping him safe and throwing his lackeys under the proverbial bus? (See episode 10 for details on that very bus)

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the mob’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

A list of the names of unarmed African Americans murdered by the police can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_

Sound Effect by SergeQuadrado from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by GioeleFazzeri from Pixabay

“Is Mickey Mouse really a Communist?”

The panel of peril hold back their baser urges, stop playing pattycake, pull down the bed hidden in the wall of their small office and lay down to watch this week’s film Who Framed Roger Rabbit. We then try to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit sees the titular cartoon critter framed for the murder of Toontown owner Roger Acme, and it lies with whiskey sodden detective Eddie Valiant (Bob Hoskins) to clear his name. Who really killed Acme and why? How does no one see how obviously evil Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) clearly is? And why was Roger framed for murder?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEIJpS26aAw

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Traumatised by the death of his brother at the hands of a toon, Eddie Valiant is reluctant to help Roger clear his name to say the least. Encountering the likes of Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Dumbo and Betty Boop, Valiant must venture into the deepest depths of Toontown to uncover Judge Doom’s plot to dip every toon and turn town into one big road.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

The in-universe movie posters can be seen on our Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/diabolicalpod/

Paul Reubens’ voice test here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDKfLZNMtmU

Joe Pantoliano test footage here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw77Vt6sgdc