Coming Out & Beyond Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality – Details, episodes & analysis

What do you do when a single moment — a woman's hand on your thigh at a work dinner — unravels 45 years of the story you thought was yours?

That's exactly what happened to Kathy Houston. A West Point graduate, U.S. Army officer, 30-year retail leader, wife, and mother of two — Kathy spent decades doing everything exactly right. She married the day after she was commissioned. She left the military to raise her kids rather than deploy to Desert Storm. She built a career, a family, a life. And she had absolutely no idea she was gay.

Until she did.

In this rich, funny, deeply honest conversation, Anne-Marie and Kathy talk about what it really looks like to come out at 50 — the five years of doing nothing after the first spark of awareness, the open marriage, the first relationship that cracked her heart open, the lesbian gatekeepers who told her she "wasn't really gay," and the neuroscience-backed mindset work that helped her finally build the life she couldn't have imagined but absolutely deserved.

Kathy is now a later-in-life coming out coach, a TEDx speaker (What Lies Are You Telling Yourself?), and a certified Positive Intelligence coach. She brings the same discipline that got her through West Point and Desert Storm to helping women face the biggest truth of their lives — with clarity, courage, and a whole lot of hard-won wisdom.

This episode also marks the re-launch of Coming Out & Beyond with a sharpened focus on women coming out later in life — late-blooming lesbians, married women questioning their sexuality, and women navigating midlife identity shifts after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. If that's you, you are home.

In this episode:

1. The Kmart training trip that changed Kathy's life forever — and the woman she never saw again
2. Why she did nothing for five years after realizing she might be gay
3. Opening her marriage, her first lesbian relationship, and what "limerence" actually is
4. Lesbian gatekeepers — and why they're becoming less common
5. What the brain does to keep us stuck, and how neuroscience can help us get unstuck
6. Her TEDx talk and the three questions she wants every woman to ask herself
7. Building a modern family (and best-friend status with her partner's ex-husband)
8. Why the end — the happiness on the other side — is absolutely worth it
9. 
   
10. If you're spinning, you don't have to do it alone. Authentically Us is a private community for women questioning their sexuality and coming out later in life. Come find your people: www.annemariezanzal.com
11. Find Kathy Houston at runyourlife.biz — and watch her TEDx talk, What Lies Are You Telling Yourself? https://youtu.be/2h4YKR8Gmsg?si=Rxi1haeq-_KAFP6B

#LateBloomingLesbian #ComingOutLaterInLife #AuthenticallyUs #QueerWomen #MidlifeAwakening

Are you ready to date — or do you just want to be? There's a difference, and this episode of Coming Out and Beyond is here to help you figure that out.

Anne-Marie is joined by the wonderful Barbara Rowlandson — dating coach, psychotherapist, and co-host of our monthly dating segment — for an honest, warm, and often hilarious conversation about what it really takes to step into the dating world as a woman who has come out later in life.

From the chaos of the "messy middle" to love bombing red flags, from building queer community to figuring out who you even are after decades of partnered life — this episode covers it all.

In this episode, we talk about:

1. Why building community should come before dating (and where to find yours)
2. The time and energy dating actually requires — and how to know if you have it
3. What it means to know yourself well enough to say no to the wrong person
4. Red flags and why being ghosted is actually a gift
5. The importance of vulnerability — and the brick walls we don't know we've built
6. Why the queer dating pool is smaller, and why that changes the rules
7. Catalyst relationships: what they are, what they open up, and how to survive them
8. Intimacy, readiness, and what "getting it on" really means for women like us
9. The surprising role of menopause in why so many women come out in their late 40s and 50s

Next month's dating episode: We're talking about dating while you're still married — and what love bombing looks like and how to protect yourself. Don't miss it.

📥 Dating Readiness Guide (free download from Lavender Dating) — Self-assess where you are on the readiness scale before you dive in. 👉 www.lavenderdating.com

📥 Maybe I'm Not Straight Guide — The best of our work on coming out later in life, all in one place. If you're in the messy middle, this one's for you. 👉 https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/

🌸 Join Authentically Us — Our Mighty Networks community for women navigating identity transitions later in life. Community, connection, and people who get it — ready and waiting for you. 👉 annemariezanzal.com

🗓️ This Authentic Life Cohort — Our 16-week group coaching program starts in May. Come through the messy middle with a whole cohort beside you. 👉 annemariezanzal.com

💌 Work with Barbara Rowlandson — Dating coaching for women in exactly this season of life. 👉 Book a free connection call here: https://calendly.com/lavender-dating-team

This Authentic Life is a transformative course designed specifically for late-blooming LGBTQIA+ women (and non-binary people comfortable in women's spaces) who are navigating the complexities of identity, relationships, and future steps. If you're in the process of changing your life to align with your LGBTQIA+ identity and are having challenges reconciling pieces of your old 'straight' life with your new life, this course can help you find clarity and confidence. Visit https://bit.ly/thisauthenticlife for more information and to sign up. NEW COHORT STARTS JAN 15th 2026, next cohort begins late spring, 2026. This is our final week of accepting new participants; sign up today to start in January!

It's a new year and we have a new monthly segment for you all: U-Haul University! On the second Friday of the month, school is in session, and your dating professor Barbara Rowlandson will be here with host Anne-Marie Zanzal to talk about sapphic dating conundrums. In this episode, Anne-Marie and Barbara have plucked posts from Reddit boards by lesbians who are looking for a little clarity in their search for love. In this episode, they explore the challenges faced by plus-sized women in the lesbian dating scene, the dynamics of intense attraction, and the complexities of exploring one's sexuality later in life. It's a lively episode that offers thoughtful advice sprinkled with personal insights, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves and navigate the world of dating with confidence.

❓ What to Expect in This Episode:

✨Real-life dating questions from the internet, answered with warmth and honesty.

✨Explanations of why lesbian relationships can be so INTENSE.

✨Encouragement to explore biases about dating and curiosity about where they come from.

✨Tips for building strong, meaningful connections in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Need dating/new relationship support? Barbara Rowlandson offers coaching for women and non-binary people who are looking to level up their love life! Book a free 30 minute consultation with Barbara here: https://calendly.com/barbararowlandson/30-minute-workshop-call-barb

Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you're looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

💬 Join the Conversation:

Are you a sapphic who is struggling to find success in dating? Tell us about it! Drop your conundrum in the comments and we may feature your question on an upcoming episode!

🔗 Visit our website:

Anne-Marie's : [ annemariezanzal.com]

🔗 Follow us on social media:

💠 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amzanzal

💠 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/

💠 Twitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzal

💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment/

Lesbian dating – specifically when a long-time out lesbian dates a newly out lesbian – is the topic of this week's episode, featuring guest conversationalist, Tonda McKay. In addition to being an award-winning photographer and community advocate, Tonda holds a very special role of distinction: she is wife to podcast host, Anne-Marie Zanzal! Tonda and Anne-Marie met just as Anne-Marie was beginning her coming out/divorce journey. In this engaging episode, Tonda and Anne-Marie talk about the benefits and challenges of the long-out/newly out dating dynamic, the hurdles they have overcome, and the rewards of perservering through what can sometimes be characterized as a difficult pairing of long-out/newly out lesbians. This is an episode that will be of great interest to anyone who is embarking on a dating journey later in life!

Tonda McKay earned her bachelor's degree in photography at Middle Tennessee State University and has been a professional corporate photographer for over 35 years. She has worked for several Fortune 500 companies, including Philips/Magnavox and DESU, LLC. While working at Philips she received two ADDY awards, which recognizes and rewards the creative spirit of excellence in the art of advertising. In 2001, her coffee table book, A City In Harmony, on Nashville was published. This was a two year collaborative project with the Nashville Chamber of Commerce. Tonda also won several national magazine awards (Best Cover - National Magazine Association) for her editorial work on Business Nashville and Nashville LifeStyle. While architectural photography (including Matterport 3D Imaging) and drone photography is her niche now, Tonda has worked in every imaginable area of photography, from jewelry, furniture, editorial & photojournalism. Tonda likes to say there isn’t anything she hasn’t done in photography and she still enjoys learning new processes and information. She has gone from shooting on an 8x10 view camera to HDR digital photography. She believes photography is ever changing and it is always a journey of learning and growth. When not photographing Tonda enjoys kayaking, travel, and of course scenic photography.

To learn more about Tonda and her work as a photographer, visit https://tondamckay.com/

A song that has special meaning to Tonda are 'She Keeps Me Warm' by Mary Lambert. https://youtu.be/NhqH-r7Xj0E?si=1c3fLiKIE5Rogo0T

A book that has impacted Tonda and she recommends to others is 'Another Mother Tongue' by Judy Grahn. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/64767

Nita Agustin is a Queer and gender affirming clinical counselor based in Burnaby, B.C., Canada. Their jam is helping Queer youth and young adults find alignment within themselves so they can feel confident showing up in their own skin. This is accomplished by finding words to name their experiences and discover ways to live on their own terms. In this episode, Nita describes coming out in the pressure-cooker scenario of the pandemic, being Queer in Southeast Asian Indonesian culture, emerging and moving on from Catholocism, what it's like working with Queer youth, and much more!

You can find Nita online and learn more about her work at nitaagustincounselling.com

Nita's coming out songs are You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift, and Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

A book that inspired Nita is Me, Myself and They by Luna Ferguson. A show that has inspired Nita is I am Jazz.

This week on Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories, we introduce you to media PR expert, April Mason.

April is the President of Violet PR, a busy agency that utilizes new and traditional media tools to craft powerful stories for their clients that shine a spotlight, attract new business, and enhance their public identity. April is also a later-in-life lesbian who learned to embrace all facets since the end of her marriage. Tune in and learn April's coming out story, how she stepped into her power after divorce, and her journey as a leader and business owner.

Learn more about April and Violet PR at https://www.violetpr.com/

In this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories, host Anne-Marie Zanzal speaks with transgender advocate and educator, Ben Greene.

Ben is a sought after speaker who has spoken at international events and conferences about topics surrounding transgender inclusion. After coming out in 2015 living in a small town in Connecticut and givng a popular TEDx talk at Brandeis University, Ben has dedicated his career to spreading empathy, education, and storytelling around the trans experience. He has spoken to groups at companies, hospitals, schools, religious organizations and government entities sharing what it means to be transgender and how to show up as an ally. He is a fierce advocate for transgender youth, regularly speaking up for them at the Missouri state capital. When he is not speaking during working hours he is delivering free presentations to parent support groups around the country and spending hours speaking one-on-one with families with newly-out transgender loved ones. He is passionate about educating others from a place of compassion, no matter where they are starting from.

In this episode, Anne-Marie and Ben talk about Ben's coming out experience, what it's like to be queer in New England, the importance of sharing positive and 'normal' transgender narratives and much more.

Ben's coming out song is 'Riptide' by Vance Joy: https://youtu.be/lYoWuaw5nSk?si=BHa6bqGR1y_K1M01

A book that resonates with Ben is Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers.

Ben's book is called 'My Child is Trans, Now What?' You can pre-order it on his website here: https://www.bgtranstalks.com/preorder

You can find Ben online at bgtranstalks.com

This week, we welcome back psychotherapist Miriam Grace to the podcast! Miriam first joined us in Season 2 to discuss catalyst lesbian relationships and recovering from the end of a first lesbian relationship. Miriam has over 30 years of experience as a humanistic therapist and primarily works with women to tackle life problems associated with sexuality, the end of relationships, empty nest, loss of a parent, and other challenges associated with midlife. Miriam's work focuses on promoting diversity and inclusivity, challenging others to throw out old paradigms, and allow lesbian voices to come through to disrupt profoundly corrupt definitions of "healthy relationships"

In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and Miriam Grace explore themes surrounding the experiences of women in mid-life and coming out later in life. They underscore the biases in psychotherapy that cause queer and middle age women to fall through the cracks and subjugate their voices, lesbiphobia in psychotherapy, the vitality and gifts associated with mid-life, Miriam's research and scholarly publications on the later-in-life experience, challenge destructive lesbian tropes like 'U-Hauling" and "lesbian bed death" and much, much more!

Listen to Miriam's first appearance on Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories podcast (Season 2) here: https://annemariezanzal.com/coming-out-beyond-lgbtqia-stories-support-season-2-episode-6-miriums-sto...

Miriam contributed a fantastic piece to Anne-Marie's blog in 2020 about overcoming your first lesbian relationship: https://annemariezanzal.com/getting-over-your-first-lesbian-relationship/

You can learn more about Miriam, her psychotherapy services and her scholarship on her website: https://blue-skies.org.uk/

Miriam recently contributed a chapter to a collection of scholarly articles, "Queering Gestalt Therapy: An Anthology on Gender, Sex & Relationship Diversity in Psychotherapy." You can purchase this book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Queering-Gestalt-Therapy-Relationship-Psychotherapy/dp/1032371099/ref=sr_1_...

CiCi Reagan is a published author and copywriter who found her calling in message strategy and alignment for all types of businesses, from entrepreneurs to billion dollar corporations. She's also an international advocate for addiction and domestic abuse survivors, covered in Newsweek, Metro, and several award-winning podcasts. CiCi uses their vast life experience, cultivated writing talent, and innate intuition for people to channel her clients words into mind-blowing marketing copy. CiCi teaches and coaches those who want to learn the mechanics of messaging in a simple, straightforward way. Her goal is to help others find clarity in their messages so that they can do what they love and find fun and freedom in business.

Tune in as host Anne-Marie Zanzal talks with CiCi Reagan about their early years of addiction, finding sobriety, surviving domestic violence, and finding joy when under adversity.

Listen on

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-out-beyond-lgbtqia-stories/id1569859569

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/27kocr4llm6syHKaeX1x9e

Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5jYXB0aXZhdGUuZm0vY29taW5nb3V0YW5kYmV5b25kLw?sa=X...

You can learn more about CiCI Reagan's work and coaching services at www.reaganeyes.com

#comingout #comingoutandbeyond #comingoutlgbtqiastories #comingoutlaterinlife #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #2slgbtqia #lgbtqpodcast #queer #queerpodcast #podcast #lgbtqauthors #queerauthor #author #antioppression #antiviolence #addiction #addictionrecovery#healing #communication #copywriting

This week, host Anne-Marie Zanzal welcomes Dr. Roxy Manning and Sarah Peyton to the show. 

Dr. Manning is a clinical psychologist and a certified Centre for Nonviolent Communication trainer. She brings decades of experience to her work, interruping explicitly and implicitly oppressive attitudes and culture norms. Dr. Manning has provided consultation and training across the U.S. and internationally to businesses, non-profits, and government organizations wanting to move towards equitable and diverse workplace cultures. She also works as a psychologist in San Francisco serving the homeless and disenfranchised mentally ill populations. She is the author of "How to Have Anti-Racist Conversations: Embracing Our Full Humanity to Challenge White Supremacy," and co-author of the companion text written with Sarah Peyton "The Anti-Racist Heart: A Self-Compassion and Activism Handbook."

Sarah Peyton is a certified trainer in non-violent communication and neuroscience educator who integrates brain science and resonant language to awaken and sustain self-compassion, particularly in the face of difficult issues like self-condemnation, self-disgust, and self-sabotage. She teaches and lectures internationally and is the author of the "Your Resonant Self" book series. She is Dr. Manning's co-author, as mentioned above.

Tune in as Anne-Marie, Roxy and Sarah about anti-oppression, and anti-racism, compassion, connecting with others in a broken world, how to have hard conversations, and how to have non-violent communication.

Find out more about Dr. Roxy Manning and her work on her website: https://roxannemanning.com/

Learn more about Sarah Peyton and her work on her website: https://sarahpeyton.com/

Dr. Manning's coming out song is " I Sing the Body Electric" from Fame. https://youtu.be/tG-wl2qqD7Y?si=xco-qyfPemNJQA_D

Sarah Peyton's 'power song' is Purple Rain by Prince. https://youtu.be/TvnYmWpD_T8?si=Y-n30GrnARjH13C2

Books that have inspired Dr. Manning are the fantasy series by Mercedes Lackey: https://www.goodreads.com/series/list?id=8685.Mercedes_Lackey

A book that has inspired Sarah Peyton is The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller.  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4887.The_Drama_of_the_Gifted_Child