Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship – Détails, épisodes et analyse

If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Silence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”
• Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.
• Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.
• Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.
• Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Dr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living
• The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)
• The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel

MEET DR. JACKIE

Dr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Meghan Keane, author of Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner, says one of the top complaints single people have about their married friends is that they feel like a problem to be solved. Another is that their dating lives are the sole focus of a married friend’s attention. Meghan joins me to unpack “singlism,” the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways society sidelines single adults. We discuss concrete steps couples can use to include their single friends, the reality of friendship after life transitions, and good basic social kindnesses everyone can use for ALL of their friendships. Whether you’re partnered or single, this conversation will sharpen your friendship skills and remind you that friends like to be asked about all aspects of their lives (not just their dating lives, their "mom life," their careers, and so on).

HIGHLIGHTS

• How singlism, a term coined by Dr. Bella DePaulo, is often based in myths and harmful stereotypes
• Why singleness isn't something to be solved by a partnered friends
• Rules for married/partners friends when it comes to their single friends (don't treat dating life as entertainment, help with mundane life tasks, celebrate accomplishments, hang out one on one, include in larger plans).
• Why working through conflict is a sign of a deep friendship
• What married people can learn from single people about maintaining strong social ties

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Meghan's book, Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner
• Find Meghan on Instagram @damekeane
• We referred to previous Dear Nina episodes with Dr. Marisa Franco, Gretchen Rubin, and Ruchi Koval

MEET MEGHAN KEANE

Meghan Keane is the founder and supervising editor for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service. Prior to founding Life Kit, Keane was a producer for NPR's award winning podcast Invisibilia. There, she produced long form stories about understanding human behavior and the invisible forces that shape our lives. She reported stories about the intersection of positivity, grief, and Disneyland and another story about a woman obsessed with her daydream world. Keane is also a founding producer of NPR's TED Radio Hour, which has consistently been one of NPR's top podcasts since its debut. Keane holds a B.S. journalism degree from Emerson College and is a native of the Washington, D.C. area.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

🙏 Support the Show:

Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.

What if you have lots of friends, but nobody feels like your special confidante or the person who would have your back no matter what? The newest letter spotlight episode comes from a listener who signed off as "Too Many Fish in the Sea." She feels lucky to have cultivated a wide community and plenty of friends, but she doesn't feel like she has super close friends.

Joining me to answer the letter is my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs. Rebekah has been working with me for a while, but I wanted to get her on the mic so you can hear why I adore working with her so much. AND we're good friends---newer good friends--with our own friendship story to share.

We discussed concrete ways for getting closer to people you already like and creating deeper bonds: increase the frequency of your time together, share good news, be "messy," ask for a favor, change the venue, and become beginners together.

MEET REBEKAH JACOBS:

Rebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a goldendoodle named Peanut.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

• Episode #19: with Rebekah Jacobs-- Novels and Memoirs About Friendship
• Episode #62: with Leslie Hooten-- The Friendship of the Weekly Walking Partners
• Episode #173: with Ruchi Koval-- I'm Just Not Into This Friendship
• Episode #126 with Anna Goldfarb-- Is it Time For a Friendship Cleanse?
• Episode #134 with SC Perot-- Fandom and the Potential for Friendship
• Anna's book: Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
• Rebekah mentioned: The Five Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom and a Laurie Santos reference to a beautiful mess here from Date Like A Scientist.

 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I have author, Christie Tate, back on the show! I have been so eager for this conversation. We are talking about Christie's newest memoir, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. We're focusing on friendship triangles, envy, jealousy, competition, and ghosting--all issues that come up in the book.

You might know Christie as the author of the fantastic memoir Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life. It was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You might know her from a previous episode of this podcast (ep #4) where we talked about revealing too much too soon with new friends. I can't wait for you to hear our newest chat.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

This week's episode with guest, Shari Leid, focuses on wisdom she’s gained after meeting with 144 of her friends. Our episode makes the case for the casual friendship. We also talked about expanding your friendship network by putting yourself out there to connect with new and old friends, giving friends grace, having intentional conversations to deepen friendships, and considering whether your "bar for entry” to friendship is too high.

Meet Guest, Shari Leid

Former litigator, Shari Leid, currently operates An Imperfectly Perfect Life, LLC, a professional mindset coaching business primarily serving clients who feel stuck and helping them to create the life of their dreams. She is a national speaker and author of The Friendship Series, including The 50/50 Friendship Flow: Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends, Make Your Mess Your Message: More Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends and Ask Yourself This: Ultimate Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends (September 2022). Throughout 2023, she is traveling to all 50 states where she’ll share a meal with 50 different women (one woman per state). Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and LinkedIn.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Do your adult friendships mirror what you saw growing up in your household, or did you set out to do the exact opposite in your adult social life? I spoke to author, Linda Pressman, about her experiences growing up as the child of Holocaust survivors, her parents' friends, and her own adult take on friendship.

Meet Linda Pressman

Linda Pressman is the author of the recently published memoir, Jewish Girls Gone Wild. Her previous memoir, Looking Up: A Memoir of Sisters, Survivors and Skokie won the Grand Prize in the Writer’s Digest 20th Annual Contest and is part of the permanent collections of Yad Vashem in Jerusalem, the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., and the National Library of Israel. Her freelance writing has appeared in Newsweek, the Times of Israel, on Kveller, and other venues. She is a book coach and teaches memoir on an individual basis and through Scottsdale Arts. 

Linda can be reached through her website: http://lindajpressman.com. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

The topic of diet culture and friendship inspired more emails from my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--than any other topic since I started the podcast. What do I mean by diet culture and friendship? I'm referring to how the culture of dieting and the worship of thinness affects friendships, can become competitive, and is spread among friends. We also discussed friends being overly invested in and overly influenced by each other's decisions about food.

Pam Moore is an occupational therapist-turned-intuitive eating coach and health and fitness journalist. As an intuitive eating coach, her mission is to help women detach their self-worth from their weight and to move their bodies because it feels good — not as a punishment. The author of There's No Room for Fear in a Burley Trailer, Pam's writing has also been published in The Washington Post, Runner's World, SELF, The Guardian, Time, Outside, AARP, and Forbes, among others.

Despite, or more likely because of being picked last for every team as a kid, Pam is also a certified personal trainer, six-time marathoner, and two-time Ironman finisher. Her podcast, Real Fit, features conversations with women athletes about body image, enoughness, and more.

You can learn more at: pam-moore.com, LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Do you overspend to keep up with friends? It's tricky to navigate conversations about money with friends. What issues have come up for you about money and friendship? Does splitting things get tense? Planning trips? Participating in expectations around weddings, showers, going in with friends for gifts? Money can be a big issue between friends. Some of the solutions discussed in the episode can apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendship.

Mia Brabham, staff writer at Shondaland.com, and I discussed some ways to make dealing with money and talking about finances less awkward.

Meet Mia Brabham: Mia is currently a staff writer at Shondaland.com. She pens the series "Joy Makers" and "The Art of Friendship." Her debut book, Note to Self, which is a short collection of life lessons, is in the hands of readers all over the world.

You can find Mia on: Instagram, Twitter, and bymiabrabham.com.

The two pieces of Mia's in Shondaland.com we specifically discussed in depth:

"How Much Are Your Friendships Costing You"

"The Art of Friendship: How to Open Up About Money"

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Taking time to identify the friendships that are going well in your life and WHY is a worthwhile activity. It's my January challenge for listeners, readers, and for the Dear Nina Facebook group. This is one of my more personal episodes. Thanks for being here!

The challenge was inspired by the long study on happiness, all of which is compiled in the book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

I spoke to narrative coach, Lisa Harris, about the sometimes-fuzzy lines between "work friends" and "real friends" and also the line people cross between friend and customer. In other words--treating your friends like your customers. Not a good idea!

Meet Lisa Harris: Lisa Harris the CEO/founder of Lisa Harris & Company. Lisa’s entrepreneurial journey began in 2016 after publishing her book, Unveiled Beauty: Handwritten Stories From a Poetic Heart. She spent 18 years in executive leadership roles working for and with many Fortune 500 companies and nationally recognized brands. Today Lisa successfully guides women on their personal growth and empowerment journeys through the lens of their own life stories. Lisa is in her 6th year producing Unveiled Beauty events, narrative coaching and speaking. She is also the co-host of the Life In Our Skin podcast.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.