co-regulation is a podcast hosted by Holly Whitaker (HOME, QUITTED) that creates space for authentic conversations about how we're navigating this period of societal upheaval and profound transition. Through conversations with thinkers, artists, and experts, informed by Holly's perspective on addiction, recovery, and the intersection of personal healing and cultural systems, this show invites listeners into real-time exploration of how we're living through unprecedented change—not as isolated individuals, but as interconnected beings whose nervous systems regulate better together than apart.
In the aftermath of the 2024 election and accelerating pressure on our social systems, the limitations of the American experiment have become impossible to ignore. Every day exposes the myth that we can solve collective problems through individual achievement, consumption choices, or personal virtue. We've inherited a story that places the burden of global salvation on our individual shoulders while the architects of collapse profit from the fallout.
co-regulation emerges from Holly's direct experience: when consumed by the pressure to fix broken systems personally, she becomes incapacitated. Her nervous system remains in perpetual fight-or-flight. But when she connects with others wrestling with the same questions, something shifts. Our bodies literally calm in each other's presence. Solutions emerge not from heroic individual efforts but from the space between us.
This podcast acknowledges that we're at the end of an era defined by extraction, dominance, competition, and separation. We're being forced to move toward each other—to find collective solutions, to rebuild ways of existing harmoniously with the earth and each other. The path forward isn't through competition or meritocracy but through connection, mutual aid, and collective sense-making.
Why Sky Fusco Doesn't Want a Boyfriend (Sky Fusco)
Saison 1 · Épisode 13
jeudi 4 septembre 2025 • Durée 01:15:34
Sky Fusco and Holly wrestle with fundamental questions about the role of the artist in times of crisis: Who gets to claim the title of artist? Is making art "enough" or should creative people abandon their practices to become EMTs and nurses? The conversation explores the existential doubt that plagues many creatives during unprecedented times, the fantasy of having "useful skills" instead of making vulnerable art, and how Sky uses herself as a guinea pig to give others permission to follow their creative impulses. The discussion evolves into Sky's recent decision to step back from dating men—not from hatred, but from exhaustion with those who refuse to engage in the internal work that women have been doing for decades, while maintaining that love remains her North Star even as she redefines what healthy relationships look like.
Topics Covered
Artistic vulnerability and managing consequences of public sharing; writing about real people and relationships; intellectual property and copying in art; living as a full-time artist; claiming the role of an artist; existential questions about usefulness during crises; publicly changing your mind and contradicting previous positions; divesting from dating men and the male gaze; women's exhaustion in patriarchal systems; men's avoidance of feminist education and internal work; hetero-pessimism and relationship refusal; love as antidote to pessimism; redefining love and being the change you want to see.
Sky Fusco Bio
Sky Fusco is an artist working across drawing, painting, writing, and a public practice she calls Internet Caretaking. Her commercial studio, ROCK SHOP, is located in Morro Bay, California. Her Substack, Unsupervised, has over 25 thousand readers, and makes frequent stops at topics like relationships, personal histories, living in community, creativity, technology, addiction, self-actualization, and navigating the digital Anthropocene as an artist. Sky took an unconventional educational path before claiming her artist identity at 27, Sky makes her living entirely through creative practice. Her visual work features bold emotional declarations, including the piece "We've been having feelings for years, they're perfectly safe." Her writing explores artistic courage, relationships, and contemporary women's experiences with sharp observation and visceral honesty. Sky's work serves as permission for others to follow their creative impulses, change their minds publicly, and use their lives as ongoing experiments in authenticity while maintaining love as a guiding principle.
Your Phone or Your Life? (Cody Cook-Parrott)
Saison 1 · Épisode 12
jeudi 28 août 2025 • Durée 01:09:41
Holly and author Cody Cook-Parrott dive headfirst into the raw realities of staying regulated in an unregulated world. Cody shares their journey from near-mental breakdown to thriving queer rural life in Michigan, including the radical decision to permanently delete their 80,000-follower Instagram account while preparing to launch a book. Together, they explore the parallels between social media addiction and alcohol addiction, the art of building community in conservative small towns, and how to support trans loved ones during increasingly dangerous times. This conversation is a masterclass in attention as spiritual practice and choosing alignment over algorithm.
Topics Covered
Mental health maintenance and medication as life-saving tools; the parallels between social media addiction and alcohol addiction; building authentic community in rural areas; co-regulation and nervous system support; the challenge of being a public figure expected to have answers while still struggling; leaving Instagram permanently despite professional pressure and financial implications; the ethics of platform choices and leaving Substack; attention as a spiritual practice and defending one's time; supporting trans partners and creating safety in small communities; bathroom safety and allyship practices; rural queer life and finding chosen family; building sustainable businesses without social media dependence; email lists as alternatives to social platforms; the intersection of creativity, sobriety, and mental health; grief and the preciousness of time following Andrea Gibson's death; celebrating personal achievements and throwing parties for yourself; dating apps and unexpected love stories; navigating news consumption without social media overwhelm; Democracy Now and intentional media consumption; small town dynamics between queer couples and conservative neighbors; the responsibility of having a platform during political crises; fundraising for Palestinian relief through social media before leaving; the upcoming book "The Practice of Attention" coming March 17th, 2026
About
Cody Cook-Parrott is a writer and artist living on Michigan's Leelanau Peninsula.Cody hosts the podcast Common Shapes, writes the newsletter Monday Monday, and is author of How to Not Always Be Working, Getting to Center, and The Practice of Attention (March 2026) With a BFA in Dance from University of Michigan and currently pursuing an MFA at Naropa University's Jack Kerouac School, their work has been featured in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, and Dance Magazine.
How To Stop Thinking Everyone Is Always Mad at You (Meg Josephson, Part 2)
Saison 1 · Épisode 11
jeudi 14 août 2025 • Durée 01:04:32
In the second part of Holly's deep dive with Meg Josephson, they shift from understanding fawning to working with it. Continuing their exploration of Meg's book "Are You Mad At Me?", the conversation explores perfectionism as a protective mechanism, "secondhand fawning" through others, and the core shame beliefs that drive these patterns. Meg explains how healing happens through secure relationships and offers a compassionate framework for understanding these survival mechanisms. Holly reflects on how recognizing her fawn response has been foundational to her healing journey.
Topics Covered
The fawn trauma response and what it looks like; The six fawn archetypes (peacekeeper, caretaker, perfectionist, performer, chameleon, lone wolf); Complex relational trauma vs. single-incident trauma; How fawning develops as a survival mechanism in volatile homes; The intersection of fawning with ADHD and neurodivergence; Why digital communication amplifies "are you mad at me?" feelings; Chronic dysregulation and nervous system impacts; The connection between fawning and masking behaviors; Hypervigilance and external validation-seeking; How fawning shows up in romantic relationships.
Meg Josephson Bio
Meg Josephson is a licensed therapist, meditation teacher, and author of "Are You Mad at Me? A Guide to Caring Less About What People Think." She integrates mindfulness-based practices with trauma-informed therapy, specializing in the fawn trauma response. After recognizing her own chronic hypervigilance patterns in her twenties, she discovered meditation during concussion recovery and pursued graduate training in therapy. Her work focuses on complex relational trauma and helping clients develop self-compassion for protective patterns that no longer serve them.
Why We Think Everyone Is Always Mad at Us (Meg Josephson, Part 1)
Saison 1 · Épisode 10
jeudi 7 août 2025 • Durée 59:29
Part 2 of this is available now on patreon for patrons of this show! Check us out here.
In this first installment of a two-part series with therapist Meg Josephson, Holly and Meg unpack the fawn trauma response - the fourth trauma response that leaves people constantly wondering, "Are you mad at me?" Drawing from her new book of the same title (Are You Mad At Me?), Meg gives language to this internal hypervigilance that develops as a childhood survival mechanism. Holly shares her journey of recognizing chronic dysregulation and fawning patterns. They explore how this response intersects with neurodivergence, addiction recovery, and our digitally connected world that amplifies these feelings.
Topics Covered
The fawn trauma response and what it looks like; The six fawn archetypes (peacekeeper, caretaker, perfectionist, performer, chameleon, lone wolf); Complex relational trauma vs. single-incident trauma; How fawning develops as a survival mechanism in volatile homes; The intersection of fawning with ADHD and neurodivergence; Why digital communication amplifies "are you mad at me?" feelings; Chronic dysregulation and nervous system impacts; The connection between fawning and masking behaviors; Hypervigilance and external validation-seeking; How fawning shows up in romantic relationships
Meg Josephson Bio
Meg Josephson is a licensed therapist, meditation teacher, and author of "Are You Mad at Me? A Guide to Caring Less About What People Think." She integrates mindfulness-based practices with trauma-informed therapy, specializing in the fawn trauma response. After recognizing her own chronic hypervigilance patterns in her twenties, she discovered meditation during concussion recovery and pursued graduate training in therapy. Her work focuses on complex relational trauma and helping clients develop self-compassion for protective patterns that no longer serve them.
Meg’s new book Are You Mad At Me? Is out now. She writes the Substack . You can follow Meg on and .
Credits
Can You Heal a Friendship You Keep Burning Down? (Laura McKowen)
Saison 1 · Épisode 9
jeudi 31 juillet 2025 • Durée 01:30:50
Holly and Laura sit down for their first public conversation in seven years, since the abrupt end of their previous podcast, Home, after a falling out. Peeling back the layers of what is, for each of them, their most complicated creative partnership and friendship. What started as two women finding each other on Instagram in 2013, who wanted to talk about sobriety and alcohol, became the wildly successful Home Podcast, a deep friendship, and eventually a painful, public dissolution that left both women changed forever. Now, after multiple reconciliations and breakups, they've found their way back to each other—not as business partners or co-hosts, but as friends who've done the hard work of growing up. This raw conversation explores the messy intersection of trauma, creativity, competition, and love, offering a rare glimpse into what it looks like when two people refuse to give up on each other despite repeatedly hurting each other in the process.
Topics covered
Meeting on Instagram in early sobriety; the birth of Home Podcast in 2015; being two women talking about recovery in ways no one else was; rapid success and community building; the impossible dynamics of creative partnership between two traumatized people; patterns of competition and jealousy; the first breakup and reconciliation; the final dissolution of Home Podcast in January 2018; years of mutual obsession and surveillance from afar; failed attempts at reunion around book launches; the role of public success and private failure; learning to see each other's survival mechanisms; cord-cutting ceremonies and spiritual interventions; multiple cycles of coming together and falling apart; the 2025 reconciliation weekend; the difference between creative partnership and friendship; aging out of ambition; post-material achievement disillusionment; trauma responses that look like abuse; the challenge of being seen accurately; the rare gift of creative collaboration; narcissistic abuse patterns; the cost of cutting people off; what it means to grow up in public.
Bio
Laura is the author of the bestselling memoir, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off From Here: Nine Essential Truths to Get You Through Life (and Everything Else), March 2023. She's working on her third book. She has written for and has been featured in , , , the TODAY show, and more. In 2020, she founded , a global sobriety support community. Laura lives with her daughter on the North Shore of Boston and writes the newsletter
Credits
Why Christianity Is Still Calling Women Whores 2000 Years Later (Meggan Watterson)
Saison 1 · Épisode 8
jeudi 24 juillet 2025 • Durée 01:37:30
Holly reunites with her friend, feminist theologian Meggan Watterson, to discuss her new book The Girl Who Baptized Herself Their conversation moves between Watterson's childhood religious trauma, academic mission to recover suppressed women's voices in early Christianity, and what it means to be called a heretic for telling the truth about women's spiritual authority. With raw vulnerability, both women explore how ancient stories of resistance mirror our current moment under Christian nationalism and an increasingly fascist America, the difference between going inward v. seeking external validation, and why small communities might be our salvation. This dialogue weaves personal transformation with spiritual rebellion, examining how the same patriarchal forces that silenced women 2000 years ago are still trying to control us today.
Topics Covered
Feminist theology; reclaiming spiritual authority; suppressed Gnostic gospels, lost women's voices in Christianity; Thecla's story and the heroines journey; Constantine's co-optation of Christianity and the Council of Nicea; Mary Magdalene's true role versus her portrayal as a prostitute; bodily reactions to patriarchal doctrine; the diff btw transcendence and embodied spirituality; personal transformation through going inward during crisis; addiction patterns and the process of "getting sober sober"; the power of small communities versus institutional collapse; where the eff are the men/the "good man's" complicity and refusal to educate themselves on feminist issues and their own patriarchal narrative; living as a dissident under Christian nationalism; breaking free from external validation and worth-proving; the role of vulnerability, truth-telling in healing.
About Meggan
Meggan Watterson is a renowned feminist theologian and the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Mary Magdalene Revealed.She has a Master of Theological Studies from Harvard Divinity School and a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University. She created The House of Mary Magdalene—a spiritual community that studies sacred texts left out of the traditional canon. Her work has appeared in media outlets such as The New York Times, The Huffington Post, TEDxWomen, and . Meggan writes the Substack and her new book is out now.
Credits
Why Soothing Your Nervous System IS Managing the Crisis (Erica Chidi)
Saison 1 · Épisode 7
jeudi 17 juillet 2025 • Durée 01:20:17
Erica Chidi shares her unique perspective on navigating crisis and uncertainty, drawing from her formative years in post-apartheid South Africa and her work as a doula, author, and founder. She discusses how current global events represent a collective consciousness shift where "everybody's here now," forcing those who previously remained disconnected to engage with reality. Erica offers practical wisdom on nervous system regulation during turbulent times, emphasizing presence over emotional labeling and the critical importance of sleep, movement, and community. She advocates for "narrow and deep" activism—becoming obsessive about one specific cause rather than spreading thin—and shares how her neurodivergent traits, including "chaotic discipline," serve as adaptive superpowers during uncertain times. Throughout the discussion, she weaves together lessons from growing up amid post-apartheid violence with actionable tools for moving through crisis with intention, including her concept of developing an "inner metronome" through personal rituals and the power of treating words as spells that shape our reality.
Topics covered
Crisis navigation and nervous system regulation; post-apartheid South Africa lessons for current times; "narrow and deep" activism strategy; neurodivergent strengths during chaos; chaotic discipline and adaptive capabilities; sleep hygiene as non-negotiable foundation; movement for emotional processing; inner metronome development through personal rituals; financial and energetic discernment; local action and community building; words as spells and language's impact on reality; strategic escapism versus dissociation; embracing friction while staying present; creative expression during systemic dysfunction; managing multiple mental health diagnoses while maintaining presence
About Erica
Erica Chidi is a writer, strategist, and health educator with a background as a full-spectrum doula. She’s the co-founder and former CEO of LOOM, a women’s health app acquired by Perelel Health, and the author of Nurture, a beloved guide to pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and Vogue, and she’s been featured in The Cut, Kinfolk, and more. She also spent two years co-hosting The goop Podcast, leading conversations at the intersection of wellbeing and culture. These days, she splits her time between innovation consulting, developing television through her creative studio ISE ISE (pronounced “ee-say ee-say”), and writing —a Substack of personal essays, soothing tools, and useful advice for softly exploring your inner world.
CreditsSupport the showTranscript
Are You Betraying the World by Being Okay? (Elise Loehnen)
Saison 1 · Épisode 6
jeudi 10 juillet 2025 • Durée 01:27:27
Writer, podcaster, polymath, and intellectual synthesizer Elise Loehnen joins Holly for a wide-ranging exploration of how to navigate our current cultural moment with wisdom, nuance, and hope. From her unexpected journey from being the 2nd in command at Goop to becoming one of today's most thoughtful cultural commentators, Elise shares how she maintains optimism while grappling with the full complexity of our times. This conversation weaves together threads of spiritual practice, political engagement, shadow integration, and the essential work of staying regulated in a dysregulated world.
Topics Covered
Identity and Intellectual Formation; Action vs. Contemplation - A deep dive into Richard Rohr's framework of putting action before contemplation, exploring how lived experience must inform our thinking and how to translate vertical spiritual connection into horizontal real-world engagement; The Energy We Bring - Discussion of how our vibration affects what we create, the responsibility of staying regulated during crisis, and why matching others' anxiety isn't loyalty but rather feeds collective fear and regression; Navigating Activism and Writing - Honest examination of the tension between direct action and contemplative work, exploring different roles in social movements and the challenge of maintaining your authentic contribution while feeling pressure to do "everything"; The Nature of Evil - Extensive exploration of M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie," discussing whether evil exists, how shadow work relates to collective healing, and the danger of both denying darkness and being consumed by it; Cancel Culture and Shadow Projection - Analysis of how progressive movements created their own shadow through moral exclusion, the scapegoat mechanism in modern culture, and why we need to reclaim our projected darkness to create real change; Optimism in Dark Times - Elise shares the spiritual experiences that transformed her worldview, her practice of holding both horror and hope, and why she believes we're at a breaking point that could lead to genuine breakthrough rather than breakdown.
About
Elise Loehnen is a writer, podcaster, and cultural critic whose work synthesizes wisdom traditions, psychology, and social commentary. Former Chief Content Officer at Goop, she's the author of "On Our Best Behavior" and co-author with Phil Stutz of "Coming Alive." Her weekly newsletter and podcast "Pulling the Thread" explore the intersection of spirituality, culture, and personal development. She reads 50-100 books annually and has become one of the most trusted voices for readers seeking intellectual depth without academic pretension. Based between New York and California, she continues to bridge seemingly disparate worlds of thought into coherent frameworks for understanding our complex times.
CreditsSupport the showTranscript
Feministing in the Anti-Feminist Era (Amanda Montei)
Saison 1 · Épisode 5
jeudi 3 juillet 2025 • Durée 01:21:42
Producer note: The term 'feministing' was coined by Jessica Vlenti for her groundbreaking feminist blog Feministing.com (2004-2019), which was instrumental in shaping online feminist discourse during the height of feminist digital media.
Holly sits down with feminist writer and author Amanda Montei to explore what it means to be Outspoken Intellectual Feminist in what feels like the height of feminist backlash. Montei, author of "Touched Out," opens up about her recent divorce, the collapse of feminist movements, and how she's navigating the intersection of personal upheaval and political crisis. The discussion delves into the challenges of writing under authoritarianism, the exhaustion that comes with constant resistance, and finding hope amidst the acceleration of anti-feminist backlash. Montei shares her evolution from academic writer to cultural critic, her commitment to teaching, and her decision to pivot toward more nuanced and aesthetic interpretations of our moment, rather than offering hot takes. This intimate conversation captures the complexity of maintaining feminist work when the world feels like it's falling apart.
Topics covered
Feminist writing in the Trump 2.0; divorce, marriage critique; collapse of feminist media; anti-feminism in liberal spaces; motherhood + patriarchal structures; misogyny in the 2024 election; cancel culture myths; the commodification of feminism; academic vs. public intellectual work; teaching as resistance; personal vs. political writing; fear + surveillance concerns; community building during crisis; the nuclear family as capitalist invention; movement fragmentation; artistic response to authoritarianism; protecting creative work; privilege and responsibility; collective vs. individual action; finding hope in dark times; the exhaustion of resistance work; white supremacy and patriarchy connections; memoir writing and self-revelation
About
Amanda Montei has a PhD in English literature from SUNY at Buffalo and an MFA in Writing from California Institute of the Arts. She is also the author of Two Memoirs and . Her essays and criticism have appeared at Slate, Vox, The Rumpus, Ms. Magazine blog, American Book Review, and others. She teaches writing and lives in California. She writes the Substack and is the co-host of the podcast (CHECK IT OUT)
“Now more than ever, we need this two-thousand-year-old story to remind us that our power is not in any external force, but within. And that it is with our own self-authority, our own self-blessing, and our own naked revolt to claim it. This isn’t a story; it’s a playbook.”—Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman
Original music by Gracie Coates (of Gracie and Rachel) @graciecoates @gracieandrachel on Instagram, gracieandrachel.com
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