Women Without Kids – Details, episodes & analysis

Author, activist, and educator Rachel Cargle, talks about choosing to be childfree as a reflection of the kind of life she wants to live. In the episode we discuss:

-How Rachel’s early childhood influences helped expand her vision for her life path 

-How her mother’s disability made her even more determined to go after what she wanted for herself

-The tools we develop to survive when we are young – and why we need to update them as we mature

-The factors that informed Rachel’s (current!) decision not to become a parent

-Ways to build community and chosen family as women without kids

-The origin story of Rachel’s childfree platform, Rich Auntie Supreme

-The significance of the role of “auntie” in Black and indigenous communities

-Claiming the “childfree” identity as being central to who we are

-How Rachel’s queer, non-monogamous identity intersects with her childfree status

Join me and Rachel on our Celebrate Being Childfree retreat, which is taking place Sept 12-15 2024. Get all the details and sign up to attend in person here and via livestream here.

You can learn more about Rachel and her various projects here, get her book here, and follow her on IG here. Rachel's childfree platform is @richauntiesupreme. 

Stay tuned for a new format and more impactful conversations in Women Without Kids: Season 2!

Dr. Nicole LePera on creating a new legacy with our self-healing the potential impact of the "conscious parenting" revolution. In the episode we discuss:

-How dysfunctional patterns and behaviors are passed down the generations and imprinted in us in childhood

-Why not having children can be a way to stop the patterns repeating – as can conscious parenting

-How our mothers’ “self-healing” practices impacted both of us – and the potential for future generations of more people engaging with this work 

-The roots of Nicole’s early knowing that she did not want to be a mom

-Why our experience of being mothered inevitably shapes how we feel about becoming mothers ourselves

-The decision not to have children due to fears about our mental health or passing on other genetic conditions

-The enormous emotional challenge of raising kids and how to assess our capacity for the vocation of parenthood

-Why grieving is part of any journey of healing from dysfunctional family dynamics 

-Why feeling seen and heard is the essence of community – and why this begins with feeling safe to express who we are

-The healing path as a vocation in itself and a way to live a meaningful life without kids

Nicole's new book, How To Meet Yourself: The Workbook For Self-Discovery is out December 6, 2022. Get your copy HERE.

You can also pre-oder Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of An Unsung Sisterhood HERE. Enter your order details to receive a FREE book club guide to accompany the book.

Evolutionary biologist Gillian Ragsdale on the myth of the "maternal instinct," and the extent to which the desire to birth a biological child is a social and cultural phenomenon. In the episode we discuss:

-Why no mammal has a primal instinct that links sex to a desire to reproduce 

-Why we talk about a “maternal” instinct and not a “paternal” instinct 

-The real purpose of the sex drive in human beings

-Why individual differences and preferences are overlooked in conversations about procreative potential 

-The different factors that might make a person more susceptible to “baby fever”

-Why it is so challenging to implement more shared responsibility for childrearing between men and women

-An evolutionary perspective on the global population slowdown 

-Why modern societal structures and family formation are antithetical to proper caregiving 

-How “pair bonding” came to take precedence among humans and the impact of this on community and family life 

-What it means to “widen the moral circle” when it comes to who we care for and about – both individually and as a society 

-Why biological evolution doesn’t care about “quality of life” - but how lifestyle stressors do impact human fertility 

You can learn more about Gillian Ragsdale and her work HERE.

You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE—where you can input your order details to receive a FREE book club guide to accompany the book.

Psychologist Aurelie Athan on the emerging concept of "Reproductive Identity." In the episode we discuss:

-How Aurelie defines the concept of “reproductive identity” and how she came to this work

-The different life experiences that help to form our reproductive identity - and how this intersects with other identity markers 

-The cultural and social developments that have shifted the narrative about who is “supposed to” have children, and why

-Why the transitions and developmental phases of mid-life have been so unexamined 

-Evolving attitudes to the concept of “generatively” - what we are contributing to future generations 

-The impact professionally and culturally of women delaying motherhood to prioritize education and personal development

-How not becoming a parent is its own developmental phase psychologically 

-The specific factors can help inform our “reproductive orientation” - and why some people are naturally “a-reproductive” (as in a-sexual) with no desire to reproduce 

-How to create more space for ambivalence and fluidity in terms of reproductive identity and / or orientation 

-The importance of having our self-identity verified by the way we are received in the world

-The importance of creating new language to describe the full spectrum of emerging reproductive identities 

-The wider and ongoing implications for the concept of reproductive identity being embraced in the mainstream

Read Aurelie Athan's full paper on Reproductive Identity HERE.

You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.

Dr. Jennifer Mullan of Decolonizing Therapy on non-motherhood as part of our intergenerational healing. In the episode we discuss:

-The intersections that are at play when we talk about intergenerational healing 

-Different ways of thinking about what is “ending with us” when we don’t have kids 

-The concept of the “soul wound” - and how this is passed on down the generations 

-The trauma done to peoples - and lineages - across the globe by colonization, and the survivalist coping mechanisms that we have inherited from this 

-Jennifer’s definition of “family dysfunction” - and how this is often a manifestation of these coping mechanisms 

-Her experiences of family therapy, and how the focus is often on the child who is “acting out” - versus looking at the whole family system 

-Why ambivalence about having children can reflect an intuitive pull not to pass intergenerational patters - or “curses” - on to a new generation 

-“Parenting” in our activism or other community work - and prioritizing this over having kids 

-What we are opting into when we “opt out” of having kids - whether this is a conscious choice or not 

-How the pillaging of Mother Earth has impacted our capacity for mothering 

-Jenn’s family’s response to her not pursuing motherhood - and her rage at their insensitivity around this 

-The need for specific care and lifestyle options for older women without kids

Learn more and Dr. Jennifer Mullan and her work HERE and follow her on Instagram for updates about her forthcoming book, Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma & Politicizing Your Practice.

You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.

Sociologist Orna Donath, author of the book Regretting Motherhood, on the roots and the impact on women of society's greatest taboo. In the episode we discuss:

-Why the subject of “regretting motherhood” is so taboo – and why it is so hard for women to express their regret about having kids

-The “feeling rules” about motherhood, which only permit us to feel a certain way about it

-Why loving one’s children and loving being a mom are not the same thing

-Why there is no country or society where femininity is not synonymous with motherhood 

-The importance of acknowledging the diversity among women and all female identifying individuals when it comes to our gifts, our limitations, and our desires for our lives

-Why maternal regret is often hidden by complaints about the material difficulties of the role

-The damage done to children when women are pushed into motherhood against their will

-Why being honest about how things really are – no matter how painful – creates a culture of trust and helps people feel more secure 

-Why telling women they will regret not having kids is a “political use of emotion”

-Insights from Orna’s new study, which looks at the lives of older women without kids

-Why people – especially women - who chose to live alone are also subject to stigma concerning their life choices

Get your copy of Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath HERE.

You can also pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.

Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, author of the 1996 book Beyond Motherhood on why not all women are destined to become mothers—and that's okay. In the episode we discuss: 

-Anticipating—and fearing—our parents’ responses to us writing on this subject

-The value in accepting the cold, hard facts, for healing family dysfunction

-Why being a “woman without kids” is still seen as so taboo – and the internal questions that can arise as a result

-The liberation that results from staying true to what is right for you

-How attitudes have changed in the 25+ years since Jeanne’s book was published

-Working through the shame of feeling insufficiently “loving” as a non-mother

-The traits that equip a person for the “psychological vocation” of motherhood 

-Why there is no life without regrets – no matter what path we choose

-Using the climate as an “excuse” for not having kids

-How the IVF industry plays to women’s fears that they will regret not having kids

-Grieving not becoming a mother – no matter how you feel about not having kids

-Why “mothering” is not inherently “feminine” and why it’s okay not to feel a maternal instinct

You can learn more about Jeanne Safer, and her book Beyond Motherhood HERE. You can also read her follow-up essay in Meghan Daum's anthology, Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: 16 Writers on the Decision Not to Have kids.

You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.

Gateway Women founder Jody Day on the false divide that separates 'childless' women who can't have kids, from 'childfree' women who don't want to be mothers. In the episode we discuss: 

-The roots of the false binary that divides the ones who “can’t have kids” and the ones who “don’t want kids” 

-The role of pronatalism in this divide, which is the ideology that says that parents are more important than non-parents

-The concept of being “childless by circumstance” – versus being childless by choice or due to infertility

-How Jody came up with the word “NoMo” (from not-mother) to describe any and all women without kids

-The “disenfranchised grief” of childlessness – and grief, like love, being a process of identity transformation

-The role of empathy and consciousness raising in overcoming judgement, stigma, and shame

-How women without kids from across the spectrum of non-motherhood can come together and support each other

-The primal roots of our fear and loathing of women without kids, and how this plays out in society today

-Why the notion that we need more new people to support the aging population is an example of ageism – and why the solution lies in changes to current economic policies

-Why the “othering” of women without kids is linked to all other forms of prejudice under white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchy

-Jody’s “Conscious Childless Elderwoman”project

Learn more about Gateway Women HERE and follow Jody on Instagram @gatewaywomen.

Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood is out March 2023. Pre-order your copy HERE.

Women Without Kids is a special podcast series created from research interviews for my book of the same title, which will be published in spring 2023. 

The conversations I'll be sharing here are with the authors, philosophers, healers, activists, anthropologists, and social scientists, whose work has helped me make sense of everything it means to be a "woman without kids" today—whatever our reasons for this.

First episode coming September 11 2022. You can also find places to pre-order my book, Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood, HERE.