WHEN DATING HURTS – Details, episodes & analysis

This episode comes with content warnings. To be able to accurately describe the level of verbal and physical abuse in this story, it was necessary to include actual accounts that include obscene language, drug usage, and violent acts. The intent of the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is never to sensationalize abuse. But there is the need to allow actual survivors to report their stories as they remember them without editing. Abuse is ugly. We want our listeners will learn to be able to detect, avoid, and break free from impending intimate partner violence in any form. This is part one of a two-part story. This story is actually two survivor stories in one. Melody and Lizzie are each survivors of Harry, a toxic serial abuser. What makes what you're about to hear so unique is Melody and Lizzie were married to Harry in succession. One after the other. You will see how an abuser can be methodical. In both cases, the attraction to him at first was quite similar – so were the warning signs, the mounting concerns, the emotional and verbal abuse, and the physical abuse. Of course there were similarities – they were married to the same abuser. Harry merely took what worked in one relationship into the next relationship. We will first hear Melody's story. Then we will move to Lizzie's story. See that if they knew and followed the warning signs, they would have missed a lifetime a misery from this one predatory abuser. Bill Mitchell NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: ⁠⁠⁠BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com⁠⁠⁠ The ⁠⁠⁠WHEN DATING HURTS book⁠⁠⁠ (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – ⁠⁠⁠The Hotline.org ⁠⁠⁠– Call 800-799-SAFE • ⁠⁠⁠LoveIsRespect⁠⁠⁠ – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – ⁠⁠⁠RAINN.org⁠⁠⁠ – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell ⁠⁠⁠WhenDatingHurts.com⁠⁠⁠ DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode comes with a long list of warning signs. The graphic descriptions of domestic violence in this survivor story can be triggering to some. But the scenes depicted needed to be included so listeners can know what often happens in unhealthy relationships. Please decide carefully whether you should listen to this episode or not. Kelly Sutliff felt she had the perfect husband until the day he nearly killed her. There were warning signs, but she either did not interpret them or she ignored them. Kelly tells us exactly what it was like to be married to this man. We can see how easy it is to be tricked by someone as practiced as her husband, Chris. She will explain, in detail, the day she was nearly murdered by him. Today, as a survivor, Kelly has managed to pick up the pieces of her life and is living a better life than she would ever have imagined. For protection after she broke free from her abusive predator husband, Kelly acquired a protection dog named Stella. This led to her immense appreciation and love for these life-protectors. She now has two additional protection dogs. If that is not enough, Kelly started a non-profit to help both train protection dogs and find those in need of these magnificent dogs. It's entitled Kelly's K9s, Tails of Courage. You can learn more by following the link provided here: Kelly’s K9s, Tails of Courage.⁠ You can donate to Kelly's K9s by following this link. Kelly’s K9s relies solely on your generous donations and support.  It costs a minimum of $25,000 to breed and train a protection dog.  While $25,000 may seem like a significant amount, the safety and empowerment of domestic violence survivors are worth every penny.  Their lives, their futures, and their right to live free from fear and harm are priceless.  NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: ⁠⁠BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com⁠⁠ The ⁠⁠WHEN DATING HURTS book⁠⁠ (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – ⁠⁠The Hotline.org ⁠⁠– Call 800-799-SAFE • ⁠⁠LoveIsRespect⁠⁠ – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – ⁠⁠RAINN.org⁠⁠ – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell ⁠⁠WhenDatingHurts.com⁠⁠ DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is part one of a two-part story. This story comes with warnings about all kinds of drug abuse, alcohol, abuse, plus many situations describing emotional and physical violence. These can be triggering to some. Your number one job is to protect yourself. We are not attempting to be shocking, we are sharing these stories so you can know how bad Domestic Violence can get. Simone lives in Australia. She gets top grades for hanging onto a man no matter what she faced with him. "Ben" gave her every reason to call it quits, to drop him, and move far away. But she was determined to save him, no matter what. She was completely devoted to fixing Ben and saving their marriage, but like every "fixer" thus far on this WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, she got more than she ever imagined. None of it good. Simone managed excellence in every facet of her life, but fixing Ben was beyond her vast capabilities. I don't know many partners who would have given a man this troubled this much grace. ADVICE: If a relationship doesn't feel right from the start, get out early. If you don't know how to get out, ask a domestic violence counselor. The ripple effects of a dangerous relationship can interrupt every facet of your entire life. Bill Mitchell NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ The ⁠⁠⁠⁠WHEN DATING HURTS book⁠⁠⁠⁠ (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Hotline.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠– Call 800-799-SAFE • ⁠⁠VictimsVoice⁠⁠ – Everything they do empowers people to have happier, healthier lives beyond all forms of abuse. • ⁠⁠⁠⁠LoveIsRespect⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – ⁠⁠⁠⁠RAINN.org⁠⁠⁠⁠ – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is part one of a three-part narrative with Candi Rose. Candi Rose is her actual name. Her full name is Candace Rose. She was bullied in high school to the point where her mother moved her to a different school. There she fell in with the wrong crowd. Things became worse as she made a series of unfortunate decisions. Her lack of experience, wisdom, or good judgment landed her in jail as a convicted felon. Once released what did she do to make a living? She became a stripper. The twists and turns of Candi's life will have you tightly holding on. But, as with every survivor story, there is an abuse and there is as ascendence out to freedom and safety. This is Candi Rose's story. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I attended a podcast convention earlier this year. I left some leave-behinds and business cards with the hope of landing guests spots on national podcasts. It's another way to get the word out about dating abuse and intimate partner violence. Soon after the convention, I was contacted by Mary Fernandez, the host of the "Leadership, Legacies and Legends Unleashed" podcast. She invited me to speak on her show. This is our conversation. It's quite informative overall but the parts about the warning signs of unhealthy relationships and something I call "The Template Every Abuser Follows" make this podcast episode worth your time in listening. Thank you for listening in and subscribing. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There is little chance we will ever get an abuser to join us on this podcast and do a recorded interview. But, we have heard enough about the minds of abusers to have insights into what we would hear. It would be the justification of actions taken purely to gain control over another person. It would be a relentless pushback. That is what you will find in this episode. This episode, our third in this mini-series, comes with content and trigger warnings: Domestic abuse, domestic violence, and graphic violence. The voice you hear on this WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast episode was created by artificial intelligence. It is not a real person's voice. The words spoken are a composite of beliefs and concepts expressed by dating and domestic abusers found within articles and interviews. They have been collected over nearly two decades. They have been reassembled as complete ideas and thoughts.   This episode illustrates how abusers portray themselves as victims. There is not one "portrait" that fits all abusers, of course, but many never take ownership of their words or actions, and they justify their abusive and destructive behavior.   Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was invited to join in an interview with True Crime Connections podcast host, Tiffanie. This was the perfect venue to continue our review of life-saving information like my latest list of warning signs. Only in the past year have I uncovered some new ones worth hearing about. I also shared what I call the "Template Every Abuser Follows". These are important areas to know since intimate partner violence does not present itself as evil at first. "IPV" often appears like "this someone" is the embodiment of your dreams. It's all wonderful until you begin to know the real person behind the mask. Thanks to Tiffanie, the host of the True Crime Connections podcast for this opportunity to speak before a new audience of listeners. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following story comes with trigger warnings due to both its content and graphic descriptions. This is part one of a two-part story. Beany Chalfant brought her story to me in an email. I knew she needed to tell her narrative to us. By the time she reached 40, she had never been close to intimate partner violence. But all of that changed with one boyfriend. In the beginning, he seemed to bring everything she was missing, but before long, he was more than she could handle. The story shows us, once more, that having no awareness of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship makes it too easy to become swallowed alive by an abusive predator. Beany reached the point where she found ways to live with the frequent emotional and violent behavior doled out by her boyfriend. In his twisted mind, he felt he could do anything he wanted. And when she tried to stop him, he resorted to threatening her life and the lives of her children. How does anyone remain in a relationship this toxic for 10 years? Listen to the story and you will see. This is Beany’s story. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following story comes with trigger warnings due to both its content and graphic descriptions. This is part one of a two-part story. Beany Chalfant brought her story to me in an email. I knew she needed to tell her narrative to us. By the time she reached 40, she had never been close to intimate partner violence. But all of that changed with one boyfriend. In the beginning, he seemed to bring everything she was missing, but before long, he was more than she could handle. The story shows us, once more, that having no awareness of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship makes it too easy to become swallowed alive by an abusive predator. Beany reached the point where she found ways to live with the frequent emotional and violent behavior doled out by her boyfriend. In his twisted mind, he felt he could do anything he wanted. And when she tried to stop him, he resorted to threatening her life and the lives of her children. How does anyone remain in a relationship this toxic for 10 years? Listen to the story and you will see. This is Beany’s story. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is part two of a two-part story with Claire. It comes with trigger warnings for its content and graphic descriptions. I was sent a link with a news segment from the West Coast. The newscasters were showing body cam footage of an intimate partner violence case that would later head into court. The footage was eerie to watch. It puts you right there outside of the building watching a man deny knowing anything had happened. But eventually, police find Claire in their apartment. Of course, an arrest follows. Had someone, a passerby, not called for the police, it's uncertain if Claire would have survived further bodily harm from this disgusting man. The predator who abused Claire had met a target he could manipulate, take complete of, and repeatedly injure. She thought she loved him, and she was prepared to do anything to save the relationship no matter now toxic it became. This is Claire's story. Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: BillMitchell@WhenDatingHurts.com The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices