Explore every episode of the podcast What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our past episodes about how to have tough conversations with our kids. How do we talk to our kids about all the complicated topics our world presents them with? Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist, is the author of the bestselling book ⁠How to Talk to Kids About Anything⁠ and host of the podcast ⁠How to Talk to Kids About Anything⁠, gives us scripts for having hard conversations with our kids. In this interview Dr. Silverman, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The downside to parents not talking to kids about hard things The biggest mistakes parents make when talking to kids Why tough conversations are worthwhile for reasons that go far beyond what might be discussed Here's where you can find Dr. Silverman: ⁠DrRobynSilverman.com ⁠ @DrRobynSilverman on socials Buy HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT ANYTHING: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781728246987⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most days, Ellen Skrmetti's house is a little cattywampus—something, somewhere, is going to be a tad askew. And these days, what's most likely to be cattywampus might be her hair— or her hormones. In this hilarious interview, Ellen tells us about her new memoir CATTYWAMPUS, and how her comedy, her family, and her intergenerational friendships keep her sane through all of life's ups and downs. Amy and Ellen discuss: some very Southern and ladylike ways to say "no" whether one can have a "little bit of cancer" why it's worth the work to have female friends in all stages of life why we can't wait until it's "convenient" to pursue our dreams Here's where you can find Ellen: https://ellenskrmetti.com Buy CATTYWAMPUS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781546011248 @ellen.skrmetti on FB @justskrmetti on IG and TikTok @ellenskrmetti on YouTube What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When family routines fall apart, it can feel overwhelming to attempt a reset. But getting things "back to one" is possible. In this episode, we answer a listener’s question about how to get routines and household expectations back to normal after a chaotic stretch. We discuss: Why family systems can break down gradually or all at once The questions to ask yourself before actually trying to fix anything How clear expectations when things are calm can make it easier to know what you're returning to How to respond to the pushback you will probably encounter Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sege, R. D., and Siegel, B. S. for Pediatrics: Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children CDC's Essential Tips for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers: Tips for Relying on Routines and Rules CDC's Essential Tips for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers: Tips for Responding to Behavior Harvard University Center on the Developing Child: A Guide to Executive Function Amy Sutherland for the NYT: What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage Our episode Creating Systems That Work Our episode How to Make the Back-to-School Transition a Little Easier Our episode When Kids Hate Transitions What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. Have you and your spouse slipped into "angry partners at the 24/7 daycare" mode since your baby was born? Here's why relationships change after kids, and some real solutions that can help us get through it. Amy and Margaret discuss: The number-one reason relationships change after a baby is born Helpful perspectives for maintaining sanity during early parenthood Small steps for building back connection with your partner Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jessica Grose for the NYT: ⁠Fighting Constantly after Baby? Read This⁠ Doss BD, et al. ⁠The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study⁠. Alex Vance for Verywell Family: ⁠4 Ways To Focus On Your Relationship When the Kids Keep You Busy⁠ Jessica Grose for the NYT: ⁠Bickering More After Kids? Learn how to avoid the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.⁠ Christina Caron for the NYT: ⁠How to Reconnect with Your Partner After Kids⁠ ⁠Judd Apatow: "Who Slept Worse?"⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we parent middle schoolers while simultaneously experiencing the PTSD of our own middle school years? Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley , co-hosts of "I Mom So Hard," join Margaret to talk about their how new book, THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MOM'S SURVIVAL GUIDE, approaches puberty, changing friendships, and the increasingly high stakes of parenting tweens and teens with plenty of humor. Margaret, Kristin, and Jen discuss: How our own middle school experiences can color the way we parent Why kids need room to make mistakes and figure things out for themselves. Why being bored makes a kid more interesting Parenting middle schoolers while navigating perimenopause, menopause, and aging parents Here's where you can find Kristin and Jen: https://imomsohard.com Listen to the "I Mom So Hard" podcast @imomsohard on FB, IG, YouTube, and Threads @realimomsohard on TikTok Buy THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MOM'S SURVIVAL GUIDE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668201916 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are several sneaky ways for the people we work with, or live with, to get away with participating less in the work that needs to happen. "Weaponized incompetence" became TikTok-famous during the pandemic, and most of us became more aware when that was being deployed. A recent Substack post by Ask Astrid suggested that "weaponized passivity" may be a subtler but equally effective opt-out option. When someone says "I don't care what we have for dinner, I'll eat whatever," are they being generous, low-key, and collaborative? Or are they declaring themselves "not it," knowing dinner will still be served (by you) and they'll still get to eat? We discuss: How to spot weaponized incompetence, weaponized passivity, and weaponized irritability How gender roles and socialization teach women to anticipate the needs of the domestic sphere, while rewarding men for being hands-off and largely inattentive Practical ways to challenge these patterns, including recognizing that “not caring” doesn't mean something doesn't need to get done How these dynamics show up with our kids, our teenagers... and yes, sometimes, ourselves We loved Ask Astrid's Substack on this topic and refer to it heavily in this episode. Read for yourself: Meet weaponized passivity: incompetence's quieter sibling Here are links to some of the other resources mentioned in the episode: Maggie Zhou for Refinery29: Why Is ‘Weaponized Incompetence’ Blowing Up On TikTok? Because Too Many Of Us Do It Fresh Take: Allison Daminger, WHAT'S ON HER MIND- The Mental Workload of Family Life Changing the Invisible Workload (with guest Eve Rodsky) Celestial Sylvia on FB: Weaponized incompetence in "You Can See Everything" What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our ⁠Facebook group⁠: Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign! When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or they're a bad spouse. But are there advantages we can consider making part of our parenting all the time? That might also be a possibility. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why it's easier to solo parent sometimes How the pandemic changed couple dynamics How to discuss with our spouse how we feel Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katie Cloyd for Scary Mommy: ⁠"My Life Is Easier When My Husband Travels"⁠ Meredith Bland for Parent Map: ⁠"Parenting is Easier When My Husband is Out of Town"⁠ ⁠We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)⁠ ⁠A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault. As parents, we have been horrified by the reports of sexual violence on Cornell’s campus in 2024, and dismayed that so little seems to have changed since we were in college ourselves. How do we teach our children to protect themselves from sexual violence on campus? And how mad do we get to be at the institutions that still aren’t protecting them? On this episode we interview violence prevention expert Meg Stone, executive director of IMPACT Boston and author of The Cost of Fear: Why Most Safety Advice is Sexist, and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence and Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence. This conversation explores why sexual violence is usually committed by someone the victim knows, why common safety advice can be both ineffective and victim-blaming, and what research says about empowerment-based prevention. Meg also discusses practical skills, boundary setting, bystander responsibility, and the role parents and institutions can play—without placing responsibility for violence on those targeted. We discuss: Why the “stranger jumping out of the bushes” is a misleading picture of sexual violence Why one-time online campus trainings often fail to change behavior How victim-blaming has shaped conversations about sexual violence What empowerment-based self-defense programs teach—and why practice matters How stress can make it harder to respond in the moment Why refusal skills and boundary setting can be protective How friends, bystanders, and institutions can interrupt abuse Where families can look for empowerment self-defense and comprehensive sex education The conversation emphasizes practicing refusal and interruption under stress, bystander responsibility, and finding trainings via the Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance and the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation. Here’s where you can find Meg Stone’s work and the resources mentioned: Impact Boston: impactboston.org Meg Stone: megstone.org Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance: https://www.empowermentsd.org/ National Women’s Martial Arts Federation: https://nwmaf.org/ The Cost of Fear by Meg Stone Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence by Meg Stone Sexual Citizens by Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan If you or someone you love has been impacted, help is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE or by texting "START" to 88788. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached at 1-800-656-HOPE. ____________ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Beth Gellman-Beer spent her whole career fighting for kids with disabilities — first as a student written off as “lazy,” then as a federal civil rights attorney who found her dream job protecting students like her younger self. But on one ordinary night, a phone call changed everything: Her entire office had been eliminated. In the premiere of Zero Reject, reporter Anya Kamenetz traces Beth’s journey from an unfair fourth-grade classroom to the front lines of a sweeping overhaul at the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights — the agency families turn to when a school isn’t meeting their child’s needs. Anya breaks down the reduction in force that gutted OCR’s staff, what it means for the 25,000 families still waiting for a response to their complaints, and the plan to dismantle the Department of Education altogether. With fewer people to enforce the law, what happens to the students the system was built to protect? https://lnk.to/zerorejectFD!whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts. We discuss: What happens in the brain during conflict Practical conflict-resolution strategies, including the EAR method and the BIFF method Why sometimes the conflict is over before you’re done being angry and how to handle that Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Aaron Steen and Kanade Shinkai for the International Journal of Women's Dermatology: Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill Peter Reuell for the Harvard Gazette: Resolving conflict: Men vs. women Danya Rumore for the University of Utah Environmental Dispute Resolution Program blog: The power of calm when dealing with conflict Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict Behavior Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: Calming Upset People Fast with EAR Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How To Write A BIFF Response® Emily Pinto for Katie Couric Media: How To Handle Conflict Without Damaging Your Relationships What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ asked: "Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!" Margaret and Amy discuss: How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which) Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction. Links! Our episode "⁠When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"⁠ Ryan C. Martin for McSweeney's: "⁠GOOD PARENTS CAPITALIZE ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS. MY WIFE’S IS SEEING TO OUR KIDS’ EVERY NEED, AND MINE IS ROUGHHOUSING⁠" Marni Feuerman for VeryWell Family: ⁠"How to Cope With Parenting Differences"⁠ Mariah Maddox for Motherly: ⁠"If your kids act differently with you than dad, you’re not imagining it"⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution? Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way. Amy and Sam discuss: The "delegator trap"—why constantly assigning tasks keeps moms responsible for the "noticing" Using a "learning ladder" to teach kids of all ages how to take over household tasks, step by step Handling the pushback you might receive as you roll out the "notice and do" method How kids who "notice and do" have agency and take initiative beyond the walls of your home Here's where you can find Sam: https://hellosamkelly.com @samkelly_world on IG Buy NOTICE AND DO: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063460911 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What have 10 years of doing this podcast taught us about being better parents? In this, our 1,000th episode(!), we look back at the biggest parenting lessons we’ve learned from a decade of conversing with guests, listeners, and each other. Thank you for listening and being on this parenting journey with us! We also reference some of our favorite interviews: our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Siggie Cohen our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Lynyetta Willis our Fresh Take interview with KC Davis What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. We asked the listeners in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ about all the times they caught their spouses being awesome, and here are just a few: supporting their partners through difficult career choices. Reading up on issues that affect their kids. Learning how to do their kids' hair. Awesome parenting partners, all! Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast⁠ (Margaret's rec) ⁠Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships⁠ ⁠The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children⁠, by Ross Greene ⁠Check out our merch!⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trigger warning: On today's episode we will be discussing pregnancy loss, abortion, and maternal death. Please be advised if those topics are difficult for you. What happens when pregnancy complications become a life-threatening emergency? Margaret’s sister Anne joins us to share her powerful story of nearly dying from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Margaret and Anne discuss: What an ectopic pregnancy is and why it can become life-threatening How Anne's experience connects to the current landscape of abortion restrictions The challenges doctors may face when treating ectopic pregnancies and other pregnancy emergencies, given current abortion bans Why policies made far from the exam room can have profound consequences for women and their doctors Here is the ProPublica article referenced in the episode, by Andrea Suozzo and Agnel Philip: Ectopic Pregnancy Deaths Have Nearly Doubled. It’s Worse in States With Abortion Bans. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do some kids completely fall apart when it’s time to leave the playground, get ready for school, or switch activities? We dive into why transitions are particularly difficult for some kids and what parents can do to make them easier. Here's what we discuss in this episode: how anxiety, ADHD, autism, and OCD can cause unique issues with transitions reframing a child’s behavior as a "signal" to help parents focus on the underlying problem how parents can validate emotions while still setting clear boundaries practical strategies for helping kids transition, including verbal "previews," visual schedules and timers, and predictable routines Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Dr. Siggie Cohen Our Fresh Take with Dr. Stacy Haynes Katherine Martinelli for the Child Mind Institute: Why Do Kids Have Trouble With Transitions? Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: The Trouble With Transitions Kristine Cain for Building Bright Futures blog: Why Some Children Struggle More with Transitions Than Others Lerner Child Development: The Trouble With Transitions: Why They Are So Hard For Some Kids And How To Help Houston Family Therapy Associates: Why Kids Resist Transitions (and How to Help) Lerner Child Development: How "Two-Great Choices" Prevents Power Struggles Dr. Michael Sweeney Visual timer for kids Hourglass timer Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work. Some things really do matter for the long-term success of our kids (and peace of our households); some might be worth letting go in order to let our kids have that win once in a while. In this episode, we unpack how to tell the difference. What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle? Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions. Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss: The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen: https://drsiggie.com @dr.siggie on IG, FB, and YouTube @parenting.with.dr.siggie on TikTok Free resources on her website, including her newsletter signup Buy YOU ARE THE PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063448643 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Which kid behaviors need to be addressed in the moment—and which are better ignored? We discuss when to fix behavior and when to let it go, from whining and backtalk to tantrums and other attention-seeking behavior. Topics include: How to reduce power struggles while still establishing clear rules and boundaries Why target behaviors should be specific and observable How to set expectations before challenging behavior happens Practical strategies for handling difficult behavior in public Knowing when a child's behavior is really a signal of an unmet need This episode includes advice from the Child Mind Institute's Complete Guide to Managing Behavior Problems. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠ Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠ Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠ Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time. We discuss: The “four Ps” that can quietly consume our time: perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding Applying these ideas to family life How a “to-don't” list can help you get your priorities in order The difference between chronos (clock and calendar time) and kairos (the quality and experience of time) Here's where you can find Fran: https://franhauser.com @fran_hauser on IG and Threads Buy 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR from Bedford Books: https://www.bedfordbooks.shop/store/p/20minutes We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Rebecca Onion for Slate: ⁠Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today⁠ Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: ⁠Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control⁠ Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: ⁠What Exactly Is Stress?⁠ Louise Bates Ames: ⁠Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens? In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back. We discuss: the surprising finding that the quantity of one's friendships matters at least as much as the quality how to set the bar for in-person gatherings a little lower why having three old friends is good, but bringing new people in migh be even better practical ways to build more connection into everyday life Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kathleen Walsh for The Cut: "I Should Be Allowed to Cold-Call My Friends” Erica Pandey for Axios: Americans of all ages are spending less time socializing Derek Thompson for The Atlantic: The Anti-Social Century Russell Contreras for Axios: 15,000 churches could close this year amid religious shift in U.S. Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life blog: Yes, Having More Friends is Better Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life newsletter: America’s “Friendship Recession” Is Weakening Civic Life H.K. Collins, et. al. for the Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences: Relational diversity in social portfolios predicts well-being What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠ Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠ Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠ Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠ Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠ Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom. We discuss: why Sona calls herself the “World's Worst Mom” the special fresh hell of twin boys how you see your mom differently as soon as you become one Here's where you can find Sona: @sonamov on IG Buy THE WORLD'S WORST MOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798217046706 Listen to the "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend" podcast Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Youth sports used to mean riding your bike to your friend's house to play Wiffle ball in the backyard, with a tree for second base. Eventually you'd head to the rec center, maybe join the school team. But those days are long gone. Kids' sports have become so involved, specialized, and expensive that fewer and fewer kids are even able to participate— and those who do play have to opt in to grueling practice schedules and travel teams that prioritize achievement and winning above many of the lessons sports are supposed to teach kids in the first place. Inspired by Caitlin Moscatello’s New York Magazine article “The Pay-to-Play Childhood,” we discuss how youth sports have shifted toward an increasingly expensive, competitive, and business-driven model, including: Why travel teams and sports specialization have become the norm The pressure parents feel to make their kids competitive at an early age How the wealth gap informs youth sports and elite athletic teams What parents and communities can do to make youth sports more accessible Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Written Testimony of Katherine Van Dyck Before the U.S. House Committee on Education for a Hearing on “Benched: The Crisis in American Youth Sports and Its Cost to Our Future” i9 Sports: Chances of Getting an Athletic Scholarship Stephen Borelli for USA Today: Congress addresses 'crisis' in youth sports. Can we fix it? Neglect of probability, defined Ryan Huettel for These Football Times: US Soccer and the re-imagining of an elitist culture Gabe Fernandez for SFGate: As youth sports costs soar, one Oakland neighborhood tries a creative solution Reset as a sports parent: 5 ways to get (or keep) kids active Our Fresh Take with Stuart Slavin on The Pressures Causing Depression, Anxiety, and Burnout in Our Kids What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening the "two free requests" approach Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: ⁠Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children⁠ Royce Flippin for Additude: ⁠Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Dr. Douglas Riley: ⁠The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Mount Sinai Parenting Center: ⁠Positive Opposites⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a chaotic scramble. In this "Best of" episode, Margaret and Amy share practical tips to help parents make the transition smoother—without getting caught up in the “back-to-school industrial complex.” From resetting sleep schedules to planning meals and snacks, here's what really matters for your child’s success and well-being this fall. You’ll hear strategies for easing morning stress, tackling "after-school restraint collapse,” and checking in on your family’s values to make sure those priorities are aligning with your new school-year schedule. Margaret and Amy discuss: How much sleep kids really need—and how to help them get it Meal and snack strategies to keep your kid energized Using visual schedules to stay organized Share this episode with a fellow parent who's overwhelmed with all things back-to-school! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Drew DeSilver for Pew Research Center: ⁠‘Back to school’ means anytime from late July to after Labor Day, depending on where in the U.S. you live⁠ Rachel Murphy for PennState blog: ⁠The Medical Minute: Parents, add these health tips to back-to-school to-do lists⁠ Fousia Abdullahi for Fort Worth Star-Telegram: ⁠Expert advice for a stress-free back-to-school season for North Texas families⁠ ⁠Bear in the Big Blue House potty-training episode⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/hell⁠ or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath. But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it? In this episode, we're talking about the stress that comes with being the backstop how to sense overfunctioning in ourselves as a potential barometer of anxiety the MoSCoW method (Must Have, Should Have, Could Have, Won't Have) as a business-world framework that can help all of us discern what absolutely has to happen in a given "timebox"... and what might be able to wait Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Manne on Substack: In Defense of Mom Anxiety Anne-Laure Le Cunff for Ness Labs: Overfunctioning: The Drive to Do it All, or When Helping Others Is Hurting You Yunus Emre Yalçıner for Medium: The Moscow Method: A Comprehensive Guide to Prioritization in Project Management And in response to this week's mailbag, here are a few of our past episodes specifically relevant to single / solo parenting: Our episode Solo Parenting Seasons and How To Get Through Them Our Fresh Take with Jamilah Lemieux Our Fresh Take with Norah Lally Our Fresh Take with Susan Sutton Chris Fleming: COMPANY IS COMING!!! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/hell⁠ or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? ⁠Jennifer Wallace⁠, author of the book ⁠Never Enough⁠, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: ⁠jenniferbwallace.com⁠ @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the proven decline in the mental health of today's adolescents isn't just about phones and screen time? What if academic pressure and "achievement culture" is the real driver of the increase in anxiety and depression today's teens are experiencing? Dr. Stuart Slavin, pediatrician and author of THE SUCCESS TRAP, explains just how widespread academic pressure and "achievement culture" in the United States has become— not just in fancy schools on the coasts, and not just in high school, either. Amy and Dr. Slavin discuss: the average teen's default state of sleep deprivation, caused by hours of homework per night (work that may not even do much to change outcomes) the top stressors today's teens report—and why "peer pressure" doesn't even make the top ten how smartphones feed maladaptive perfectionism and achievement culture how schools that reduce demands on kids are also seeing improved test scores and academic performance how parents can create "low-pressure zones" at home how to advocate for healthier expectations at your kids' schools—and why you shouldn't fight that battle on your own Here's where you can find Dr. Slavin: https://drstuartslavin.com Buy THE SUCCESS TRAP: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593839386 @drstuartslavin on IG What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When is it useful for our kids to hear about our own life experiences—including situations caused by our own bad decision-making? When does it become oversharing, or get too personal or inappropriate? We discuss how to know how much to tell our kids, and how to have useful difficult conversations, including: our own past choices around drinking, drugs, and sexual activity the family secrets that may be part of our history traumatic and difficult experiences: how do you get across what's important without giving a child information too heavy for them to hold? divorce and family conflict: how not to recruit kids into taking sides of adult disagreements serious illness of a parent, grandparent, or another loved one Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Dr. Mary Martin Lori Michas for Grown and Flown: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Teen? iMom Blog: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Kids? Lynne Meredith Golodner for MetroParent: Should Parents Tell Kids About Their Past? Claire McCarthy for Harvard Medical School Blog: How to talk to children about the serious illness of a loved one What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's book is ⁠TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters⁠. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what forces conspired to make the youth sports landscape the way it is today. In this episode, Linda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the purpose of kids' sports has changed since we were playing ourselves [7:00] Why we assume sports build character, and whether that's true [14:30] How recruitment for college sports affects both kids' and parents' perspectives [22:15] Here's where you can find Linda: ⁠Buy Linda's book⁠ @lindaflanagan2 on Twitter ⁠Mindshift Podcast on NPR⁠ Read Linda's article in The Atlantic: ⁠"The Downsides of Having an Athlete in the Family"⁠ Our previous episode on kids' sports: "⁠Youth Sports: If You Must⁠" What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really mean to become an active participant in the care of your own health? In this episode, Margaret talks with primary care physician Dr. Lucy McBride about her new book, Beyond the Prescription: A Doctor’s Guide to Taking Charge of Your Health. They discuss how to become a more self-aware and empowered patient, as well as: The difference between medicine and "wellness" Why data is less useful without full context How stress and grief can affect physical health The four parts of whole-person health: informatics, inputs, infrastructure, and insight Why health decisions involve trade-offs The importance of understanding your own “patient personality” How to ask better questions at medical appointments How to make shared decision-making part of your healthcare Why quality of life matters alongside longevity Here's where you can find Dr. McBride: https://www.lucymcbride.com/ https://lucymcbride.substack.com/ @dr.lucymcbride on IG and LinkedIn Buy BEYOND THE PRESCRIPTION: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668024386 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter!⁠ Feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done? If you're the person who keeps track of the appointments, school forms, groceries, household repairs, gifts, kids' activities, and all the little things that seem to live permanently in your head, you may not need to get better at managing your workload—you may need to outsource some of it. We tackle a listener question about how to outsource the household workload without having pockets deep enough for full-time help. We talk about why outsourcing can actually feel like more work at first, how to decide what to hand over, and how to get other people to truly take responsibility instead of simply giving you another task to manage. Here are some topics we discuss: Why the mental load is usually a systems problem Glass balls vs rubber balls, and how to tell the difference Why part-time help is a great way to outsource why making your own life easier is a legitimate use of your resources Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode: Zawn Villines on Substack: Why the 'Fair Play' book doesn't fix labor inequality for most couples Zawn Villines on Substack: Results of the State of Household Inequality Survey Show How Damaging Heterosexual Relationships Are to Women Sarah Aswell for Scary Mommy: A Woman Is Going Viral For Timing How Long Unpleasant Tasks Actually Take Christi Newrutzen on TikTok Our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why kids are so overscheduled these days How overscheduling really affects kids, beyond the mom guilt-inducing headlines What questions to ask when assessing if our kids are overscheduled Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Dr Shimi King: Overscheduling Your Kids Isn’t the Fast-Track to Success it Once Was⁠ Solution Health: ⁠Overbooked Kids: The Overscheduled Crisis⁠ Anna Nordberg for Slate: ⁠The Fine Art of Underscheduling⁠ Jill Barshay for Mind Shift: ⁠Overscheduling Kids’ Lives Causes Depression and Anxiety, Study Finds⁠ Carolina Caetano, et. al for Economics of Education Review: ⁠Are children spending too much time on enrichment activities?⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We think of rewarding kids as a surefire way to get the behavior we want. But what if rewards mainly serve to underline our children's intrinsic drive to succeed? Dr. Özgür Bolat, education scientist and author of The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science for Motivating Kids, explains why rewarding kids may actually undermine their motivation in the long run. As Dr. Bolat explains, there's a difference between motivation and compliance. Rewards can get children to do something, but they don't necessarily create the ownership, engagement, or intrinsic motivation parents actually want. In this episode, we discuss: How rewards can change the way children view an activity Hedonic adaptation and why rewards often need to get bigger to have the same effect The connection between rewards, praise, and controlling parenting How autonomy-enhancing parenting differs from control Why family chores can help children develop a sense of responsibility and prosocial values Mastery orientation vs. performance orientation, and how each affects children's anxiety and motivation Why focusing too heavily on grades, competition, and achievement can create performance anxiety How parents can encourage curiosity and help kids find motivation even in subjects they don't initially enjoy The role of flow in learning and why children become deeply engaged when a task matches their skill level Why differentiated learning matters—and what happens when work is too easy or too difficult How rewards and competition in school can contribute to learned helplessness Why understanding big concepts can actually help children remember facts and information Dr. Bolat's PEACE model for building connection with children How getting curious about the reason behind a child's behavior can reveal what they actually need Why a homework problem may be a symptom of a much bigger issue around fear, judgment, or connection Here's where you can find Dr. Bolat: https://ozgurbolat.co.uk/ LinkedIn @dr.ozgurbolat on IG https://ozgurbolat.substack.com/ Buy THE REWARD TRAP: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798893961805 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when one child’s needs take up most of a family’s attention? Even when parents are doing their best, it can be easy for another child to quietly become the “easy” one—the independent kid, the high achiever, the people-pleaser who never seems to need anything. In this episode, we discuss: What the term glass child means and why some children can become overlooked How hyperindependence can be both a strength and a sign that a child doesn't feel comfortable asking for help Why people-pleasing isn't inherently a bad quality—and when it can become a problem How being the “easy,” responsible, or high-achieving child can lead to perfectionism Why some kids learn to hide anger, sadness, resentment, or other difficult emotions The importance of making space for children to express complicated feelings without judgment How small-T trauma and difficult family dynamics can affect kids even when their experiences don't seem “bad enough” compared with someone else's Why children may act out or seek negative attention when they're feeling overlooked How parents can use short, intentional moments of one-on-one connection to help every child feel seen The idea behind the 7-minute rule: finding small windows of distraction-free connection throughout the day How connection can look different at different ages, from play and cuddling with young children to mentorship and open communication with teens Why you don't need to perfectly balance your attention every single day to make your kids feel loved and supported Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jenn Lonzer for the Cleveland Clinic: Always Coping, Rarely Seen: Explaining Glass Child Syndrome Dr Becky Kennedy of "Good Inside" blog: What is the 777 Rule in Parenting? Corinne Masur for Psychology Today: Helping Kids Feel They Matter Our episode When One of Our Kids Takes Up All of Our Bandwidth Our Fresh Take with Sara Hirsh Bordo Harlan Cohen on IG What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Whether it’s the science fair, the pinewood derby, or a pre-K shoebox diorama, sooner or later every kid gets assigned a school project that is, without question, a PARENTS' project. What four-year-old can fashion her own “Dress As Your Patron Saint” costume? What sixth-grader can attempt proper MLA citation format without extreme maternal participation?  It’s not so much the projects we mind— it’s the feeling that however we handle it, we’re doing it wrong. If we make the origami cranes for the kid, we’re snowplow parents. If we send them in with a social studies project they made entirely themselves out of paper plates and crayons, we also own their cheek-burning shame when their projects pale in comparison to the professionally produced ones of their peers.  In this episode, we discuss how to discern the right amount of help such projects require: not too much, and not too little. Sure, we can help our kids win the battle of the pinewood derby… but we really want to win the war of having our kids who can someday accomplish things all by themselves.   Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:  Susan Messina for Huffington Post: ⁠That Fake Science Fair Poster That Went Viral? I Made It. Here's Why⁠ Dana Goldstein for The Atlantic: ⁠Don't Help Your Kids With Their Homework⁠ ⁠The Broken Compass: Parental Involvement With Children’s Education ⁠ Dr. Keith Robinson and Dr. Angel Harris for the New York Times: ⁠Parental Involvement Is Overrated⁠ Wendy Wisner for Scary Mommy: ⁠It’s Obvious When Parents Complete Their Kid’s School Projects, So Please Stop⁠ ⁠easybib.com⁠ (Amy recommends for an easier way to create bibliographies) ⁠sciencebuddies.org⁠ (Amy recommends as a resource to choose science fair projects)  What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kids (and adults) with ADHD don't actually have a deficit of attention. Today, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is more properly understood as a deficit of executive function— and as this week's guest ⁠Michael McLeod⁠, founder of GrowNOW ADHD and author of ⁠THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK⁠, explains, executive function means a whole lot more than a messy backpack. To help kids with ADHD succeed, Michael argues, parents need to help children strengthen the internal skills that lead to lifelong independence. In this interview, drawing from his decades of experience working with families whose kids are growing up with ADHD, Michael explains his four-pillar framework for developing executive functioning skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and self-evaluation. In this episode, you'll learn: How self-awareness and "time blindness" can affect daily life when you have ADHD Why novel experiences are crucial opportunities for kids with ADHD How exposure to screens intensifies ADHD symptoms Why negative attention feels great to the ADHD brain How to support ADHD kids without lowering expectations for their capability Here's where you can find Michael: www. grownowadhd.com @grownowADHD on IG, FB, and YouTube Buy THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781394309153 Buy the accompanying workbook: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781394364589 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you certain that people are only pretending to enjoy cilantro? Or mah jongg? We asked our listeners to tell us the things they're convinced no one actually likes. From complicated board games to high school graduations, we discuss the most nominated to be overrated. Here's the link to all of the hilarious answers people gave in our Facebook group! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well. Amy and Margaret discuss: To make lunch or not to make lunch How to keep outfits clean at breakfast The best time to grocery shop Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode: Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast! Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Childhood anxiety is on the rise. Parents are often unsure how to respond, and in their well-intentioned efforts to reassure their kids, can sometimes reinforce the anxious patterns. In this interview Kristen McNeely, LMFT, explains how parents can start to help their kids build resilience by taking small, manageable steps toward the things that might scare them. We also discuss school refusal—why it's more complicated than simply not wanting to go to school; the warning signs parents should watch for; and why collaboration between parents, schools, and mental health professionals is essential. Kristen explains why school refusal often begins with school avoidance, how transition years like kindergarten and middle school increase risk, and why pulling kids out of school is rarely an effective long-term solution. Amy, Margaret, and Kristen also discuss: Why parental accommodations can unintentionally fuel anxiety The difference between validating feelings and reinforcing fear Why gradual exposure works better than avoidance The four common drivers of school refusal How ADHD, autism, and separation anxiety can increase risk Why helping kids feel connected to their school community matters How parent-focused treatments like SPACE can improve childhood anxiety—even without the child in therapy sessions Here's where you can find Kristen: https://kristenmcneely.com/ @childhood.empowered on IG https://schoolcapable.kristenmcneely.com/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All too often, we leave our kids' pediatric appointments only to remember what we really wanted to ask when we're on the drive home. Fear not: Dr. Mary Martin is in, and she's answering all our burning pediatric-medicine questions. Margaret and Dr. Mary Martin cover all the the topics most likely fill parents' search histories and social media feeds, separating medical facts from internet misinformation and offering practical, judgment-free advice. You'll learn: How to navigate vaccine misinformation Why pediatricians continue to recommend the "ABCs" of safe sleep When it's OK stop comparing your child to everyone else's The babyproofing essentials that actually matter Why reading to babies is so powerful, even before they can talk. How to handle picky eating without turning every meal into a battle The leading causes of preventable childhood injuries and simple ways to reduce risk Practical guidance on screen time, social media, vaping, caffeine, and substance use How to build trust so your child feels comfortable talking about difficult topics like sex, drugs, mental health, and body changes Why finding a pediatrician you trust may be one of the best parenting decisions you make Here are links to some of our other episodes we mentioned: Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play How To Deal With Picky Eaters Screen-Free Week: How To Survive and Why It's Worth It Ash Brandin, The Gamer Educator Catherine Price, THE AMAZING GENERATION Emily Cherkin on Tech-Intentional Parenting Mallory Thomas on How to Get Off Our Phones Gaia Bernstein on Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies Susan Linn on How “Big Tech” Targets Our Kids We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. Is screen use a daily battle of wills in your house? ⁠Emily Cherkin⁠, author of the new book ⁠"THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family,"⁠ explains how to model a healthy relationship with tech for our kids. Emily Cherkin, MEd., consults with parents, offers school presentations and professional development training, and brings her tech-intentional approach to as many people as possible. Emily and Margaret discuss: What "tech-intentional" really means and how it's different from being screen-free How to align screen use with family values How to model tech intentionality with your kids Here's where you can find Emily: ⁠http://www.thescreentimeconsultant.com⁠ Instagram: @thescreentimeconsultant Facebook: @thescreentimeconsultant X: @ScreentimeLlc Buy THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798886451122⁠ ⁠Listen to our Fresh Take with Julie Lythcott-Haims⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really take to build a fulfilling life—and how do we help our kids do the same? Bestselling author and host of the podcast "What It's Like to Be..." Dan Heath joins Amy for a conversation that challenges some of the biggest assumptions parents make about success, careers, decision making, and what their kids will remember most about growing up. Dan shares why meaningful work often comes from unexpected places and why room for experimentation and exploration is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Dan and Amy discuss: Why there's no such thing as a universally "good" career How to help kids discover passions without putting pressure on them A simple exercise that creates unforgettable family memories Why experimentation leads to more fulfilling work and life Four common decision-making "villains"—and how to avoid them Practical ways to make parenting, work, and everyday decisions with more clarity Here's where you can find Dan: www.danheath.com Listen to "What It's Like to Be..." Buy Dan's books LinkedIn What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've ever looked at your very different children and wondered how they could possibly share the same DNA, same parents, and same upbringing, you're not alone— and you're not imagining things. Research shows that while siblings are usually more alike in appearance and intelligence than we sometimes think, their personalities are as different from one another as they would be from a stranger on the street. Why is that? This week, we discuss: Why siblings can have vastly different personalities despite common upbringings How birth order influences family dynamics Why "de-identification" tends to be more intense when siblings are closer in age Why "the same household" doesn't actually tell the whole story Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Alix Spiegel for NPR: Siblings Share Genes, But Rarely Personalities Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr. Judy Dunn: Why Are Siblings So Different? The Significance of Differences in Sibling Experiences Within the Family Dr. Frank Sullaway: Why Siblings Are Like Darwin's Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family Daniel Goleman for the NYT: Each Sibling Experiences a Different Family Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr Denise Daniels: Why are Children in the Same Family So Different From One Another? Science Daily: Parents’ Comparisons Make Siblings Different Dr. Alexander Jensen and Dr. Susan McHale: What makes siblings different? The development of sibling differences in academic achievement and interests. Annie Wright, LMFT: Same Family, Different Survival: Why You and Your Sibling Turned Out So Differently What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault. ⁠Gaia Bernstein⁠'s new book: ⁠Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies⁠ shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling. Margaret and Gaia discuss: The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work Here's where you can find Gaia: ⁠https://gaiabernstein.com/⁠ Twitter: @BernsteinGaia Buy Gaia's book Unwired: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices