Explore every episode of the podcast TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
Why Your Anxious Attachment Picks Terrible Partners EP 126
02 Dec 2025
00:40:08
If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection.
Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:
Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachment
How childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousy
What emotional reprogramming looks like in practice
Why inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essential
A powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationships
GOLDEN NUGGETS:
You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth.
Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you.
You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection.
Emotional healing > intellectual awareness.
When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment.
GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved."
PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO...
Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needs
Struggle with anxious or insecure attachment styles
Want to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in love
Are tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worth
Crave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationships
Loved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again.
Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe.
This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe.
Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive pain
You don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstances
You can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it before
The most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?”
New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different
🗝️ Key Moments:
1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival
3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating
6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale)
13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break
17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability
25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters)
27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently
28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out
🔥 Want to Go Deeper?
30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment! If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment. ✔ Daily mindset rewires ✔ 6 live Zoom sessions ✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools
🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com or scroll down to the show notes to click the link!
🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who:
Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habits
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Ever started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human.
In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn:
Why peace can feel like a red flag to a dysregulated nervous system
The hidden link between chaos and connection
Subtle ways we sabotage healthy love without realizing it
A powerful affirmation to ground yourself when you’re spiraling
How to begin rewiring your system to trust calm instead of rejecting it
If you’re ready to stop pushing away the love you crave, this episode is for you.
💎 Golden Nugget: “Peace isn’t the problem. My pattern is.”
Timestamps:
1:15 – Why calm triggers fear in a chaos-wired nervous system
3:00 – How your past relationships shaped your patterns
6:30 – A real-life story (with a German Shepherd!) that explains stored trauma
10:40 – Signs of self-sabotage when things feel “too good”
12:50 – Tools to rewire your nervous system for trust
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
26: Retroactive Jealousy w/ Zachary Stockill
28 Feb 2023
00:45:20
Have you ever been more curious than you should be about your partner’s past lovers? Where one question about their past turned into five, which turned into ten, then felt that very uncomfortable pang of jealousy? This type of jealousy is called retroactive jealousy. One of the more insidious types of jealousy because it is referring to the past, which no one can undo.
Retroactive jealousy can not only ruin an otherwise healthy relationship, it can also be detrimental to your mental health going forward. So on today’s episode, we have invited retroactive jealousy expert Zachary Stockill to fill us in on everything we need to know about this type of jealousy.
Zachary Stockill is the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy, The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook and The Breakup Recovery Workbook. He is also a podcaster and educator creating programs around raising awareness and educating people about retroactive jealousy, and has founded www.retroactivejealousy.com. Needless to say, he is the ultimate expert in this field and he wants to share his knowledge with all of you.
In this episode you will learn about what retroactive jealousy is, how to identify if you are suffering from retroactive jealousy, actionable tips on how to remedy retroactive jealousy, and practical tools to help create a healthy dynamic in your relationship when feeling retroactive jealousy, and much more!
This episode is packed with juicy knowledge and advice, so you don’t want to miss this one!
Topics discussed in this episode:
What is retroactive jealousy?
How Zachary discovered retroactive jealousy
Why retroactive jealousy isn’t reserved for straight white men
The shame around retroactive jealousy
How retroactive jealousy can come off as normal
The myth around jealousy
When is walking away the right choice?
Honoring your higher self vs. your ego
Advice for those who are aroused by a partner’s sexual past
The Madonna-Whore Complex in Freudian psychology
What to expect from Zachary’s program Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast
Actionable tips for anyone suffering from retroactive jealousy
Tools on how to trust your partner’s desire for you
How to learn about your partner’s past in a safe and healthy way
Last piece of advice for retroactive jealousy sufferers
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
25: Why Cant You Absorb a Compliment
21 Feb 2023
00:19:14
Did you know you're being rude when you shrug off a compliment? After blowing off a compliment my husband gave me, he asked "Why can't you just absorb a compliment"?
That made me wonder... why can't I? What's behind that?
What I learned was much more than I expected and realized we're actually being rude when we don't respond appropriately to a compliment.
I also have a challenge for you and give you some science behind why it's hard to give compliments and why you should practice absorbing and believing the compliment you're being given.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
24: Lessons Learned From My Costa Rican Jealous Meltdown
14 Feb 2023
00:21:41
Recently, my husband and I traveled to Costa Rica for a conference. We stayed in a beautiful hotel overlooking the beach and had a ton of fun experiences BUT day 4 would send me into a tailspin I haven't been in for a very, very long time.
In today's episode, I'm sharing lessons learned and why my mini meltdown is important to you.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
23: Why Dysfunctional Can Feel Comfortable
17 Jan 2023
00:30:07
You learn so much in childhood. How to walk, how to talk, how to do multiplication and division.
Unfortuantely, for some though, you also learn to be fearful, to not trust. We learn not to get too happy because any minute, the other shoe will fall.
Today's guest, Reneau Peurifoy, author of 4 different books on anxiety, anger, and emotions, shares his knowledge from over 20 years as an MFT working with anxiety and other related disorders, shares why although not healthy, dysfunction can feel really comfortable to you.
In this episode, we discussed:
Why you unconsciously seek unhealthy partners
How jealous people have a lot of should/must rules that keeps reality foggy
4 questions to ask yourself to start to tame your jealous
What the treatment of EMDR is all about and how it works to begin desensitizing childhood trauma
Tips for how to move to a place of feeling comfortable without all the drama
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
22: The Chemical Mark of Trauma w/ Dr. Galit Atlas
03 Jan 2023
00:42:38
Trauma leaves a chemical mark on a persons genes that is passed down to the next generation according to today's guest Dr. Galit Atlas. It's about family secrets and the secrets we keep from ourselves that also keep us from living to our full potential.
Dr. Atlas is a psychoanalyst exploring the unconscious of her patients and shares how the emotional inheritance and the legacy of trauma is passed down from generation to generation in her book titled Emotional Inheritance: A Therapist, Her Patients, and the Legacy of Trauma.
In this episode, we discuss how therapy is like detective work and it comes down to uncovering the gap between what people want to have and what they can toleration having.
She shares that the trauma healing process starts with the decision to search and to be curious.
• What do I not know about myself?
• What can I not emotionally handle?
• Why does the gap between what I want and what I can tolerate exist?
It is also important to treat defenses with respect and if you are not ready to do the healing work that is ok. It is also acceptable to feel upset that we have to do the work of the past traumatized (our parents or our grandparents) because they were perhaps not strong enough.
Dr. Atlas says if we are only aware of what we want to have (a relationship, a career, money etc.) but we're not fully aware of what it is that doesn't allow us to have what we want... that is more powerful than what we want".
The book, Emotional Inheritance is a must read but give yourself some recovery time and know it can be triggering.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
21: Five Statements You Should Stop Making To Your Partner
20 Dec 2022
00:13:21
In today's quick dump episode, I share 5 statements I decided to stop making to my partner that changed the dynamic of our relationship.
Most of the time, you don't even realize how the words you choose can come across. Even when you feel like you're being really clear or you mean what you're saying in the moment, these 5 statements are usually a signal to disaster.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
20: Trauma: A Normal Response To An Abnormal Situation w/ Candace Alley
06 Dec 2022
00:25:35
Did you know that toxic stress decreases the size and impairs the function of different regions of the brain that are actually responsible for our learning, our executive functioning, our memory ?
Candace Alley, a five time internationally certified coach and the founder and CEO of Trauma Resource Network shares that:
trauma is not a particular event, but rather how the brain processes that event
every persons healing journey is as individual and unique as your fingerprints
trauma doesn't mean that you're broken or that you've done anything wrong. rather, it's a very normal response to an abnormal situation
those who score a 4 or higher on the ACES test stand a far greater chance of struggling with mental health issues and or some form of addiction in their lifetime
consistent practice and dedication is key to healing
Available resources: 988 - for those dealing with mental health crisis (In the United States) 211 - provides local resources Take the ACEs Test Connect with Candace via her website, on Facebook, or Instagram
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
19: Three Things That Slow Your Progress Of Overcoming Jealousy
29 Nov 2022
00:16:42
One of the reasons it took me so long to overcome my jealousy is because I kept getting stuck or there would be long periods of time I wasn't working to improve it.
I started to notice a pattern of these times and today I am sharing 3 things that could be slowing down your progress of becoming more confident and overcoming jealousy in your relationship.
Here are the 3
a makeup
a breakup
a hiccup
but I dive deep into each one and give you some examples I experienced so you know what to look out for.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
18: How Stress Ramps Up Your Jealous Brain w/ Dr. Cindi Ackrill
22 Nov 2022
00:28:34
Did you know when your brain is operating under duress, all of the "parts" are not coordinating which can ramp up your jealous mind.
Our brains have a negative bias because it wants to save us. It wants to keep us safe from danger. But overload causes the brain to get out of symphony.
Leader in the field of stress mastery, Dr. Cindi Ackrill shares what stress and comparison does to your brain and the intersection between how grounded you are and when you start to compare.
Cindi also shares:
how your brain loves to create meaning out of things and how to check-in and question that meaning
how a stressed brain will keep you in automatic thinking and in our same patterns which can keep you in the jealousy loo.
what it means to be stress smart, stress strong and stress wise
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
17: You Screwed Up Again, Now What?
15 Nov 2022
00:09:50
It all feels like its falling apart when you screw up and show your jealous side... AGAIN.
But, there is an important mindset to have when you are trying to tame your jealousy and in today's episode, I'm sharing the importance of practicing, not mastering.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Tapping Into Emotional Freedom W/ Amy Vincze EP 115
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn welcomes tapping expert Amy Vincze to explore how tapping can help release jealousy, insecurity, and emotional triggers. With over 17 years of experience, Amy shares how she went from skeptic to certified coach—using tapping to navigate personal trauma, anxiety, and even breast cancer recovery.
This isn’t just theory. Amy walks listeners through the science of tapping, the emotional patterns that fuel insecurity, and a powerful guided tapping session to help you shift from emotional reactivity to grounded self-worth.
If you’ve ever felt consumed by jealousy or struggled to manage emotional overwhelm in relationships, this episode is a must-listen.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 You can’t heal what you’re afraid to feel
💎 Jealousy and insecurity are symptoms—not the root problem
💎 Tapping helps regulate the nervous system and release stored trauma
💎 Emotional honesty is a gateway to confidence and connection
💎 Healing is an inside job—and tapping gives you the tools to do it
Key Moments:
· 1:30 – Why most of us avoid uncomfortable emotions and why that’s a problem
· 4:45 – Amy’s backstory with tapping and how trauma triggered transformation
· 10:15 – How emotional energy gets trapped in the body
· 14:30 – The neuroscience of tapping and what happens in the brain during a session
· 20:00 – A full guided tapping session focused on jealousy and insecurity
· 34:10 – The real goal of tapping (hint: it’s not to be positive all the time)
· 38:00 – How to create your own tapping practice without overthinking it
About Our Guest:
Amy Vincze is the founder of SOAR with Tapping and a certified Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner. She combines energy therapy, cognitive techniques, and somatic work to help people process emotional triggers and build resilience. Her mission is to make tapping accessible for anyone ready to break emotional patterns and reclaim their peace.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
16: Simple Habits To Tackle Hard Problems w/ Sarah Ramsey
01 Nov 2022
00:26:19
Life strategist, relationship specialist, creative solution finder, and heart-centered problem solver, Sarah Ramsey lets a surprisingly simple philosophy guide her: indecision is the enemy of success.
Viewing clear decision-making as the ultimate form of self-care, Sarah brings life-changing clarity to formulating solutions for those pesky problems that often seem impenetrable on the surface. Her book, Problem Solved, provides readers with a system for breaking down complex issues into simple, approachable steps so that you can experience life with fewer barriers and greater prosperity.
Today, Sarah offers some insight into the tools and strategies you need to transform how you make decisions, what it might look like to apply these techniques to your issues with jealousy, and what it means to “waffle down,” plus so much more.
If you want to empower yourself to make your problems smaller so that you can not only create a legacy of successful outcomes but live a happier (and less jealous) life, this episode is for you!
Topics discussed in this episode:
How Sarah’s book transforms your mindset, not your problems
Applying these problem-solving techniques to jealousy
Differentiating between practical problems and emotional ones
Ways to empower yourself as a problem solver
Tips for navigating ‘spaghetti thinking’
How to define your problem-solving strategy
Taking ownership of your problems, not others’
Magic questions to help you get unstuck
Using 7-level problem solving to find the root issue
Find episodes of Sarah’s podcast, get your copy of her new book, and register for her coaching program by visiting sarahkramsey.com.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
15: This O.N.E. Thing Can Shift Your Jealous Mindset
25 Oct 2022
00:09:39
In this quick dump episode, I'm sharing O.N.E. thing I did to break my negative mindset and take off the green lense I saw life through.
Our adult brain can be lazy and it wants to refer back to old patterns of information we learned in the past. If those patterns are negative, they stand out even more and shapes the way we view life and approach situations we interpret as similar.
To shift these pattens, its all about being open because often its our mindset that keeps us stuck with repeating habits and thoughts.
O.N.E - Open to New.... Explanations, Examples, Experiments, Evidence etc. Fill in the blank with the "E word" that fits the situation.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
14: The Ticket To A New Self-Image
18 Oct 2022
00:22:41
Aviation is one of those professions that has always been associated with infidelity and cheating, but Jackie Ulmer believes that every situation is as unique as the people involved.
Jackie is a peak performance coach who has been married to a pilot for more than 30 years. She worked in aviation for eight years before becoming a pilot’s wife, meeting lots of regional airline crews and spending time as a crew scheduler and flight attendant along the way. So as you might imagine, Jackie doesn't buy into the stigma about pilots!
Instead, she highlights the value of mutual trust in your relationships, regardless of the profession your significant other has chosen. Just because you see something happening in the media, in movies, and in TV shows, it doesn’t mean it will happen in your relationship.
In fact, Jackie encourages us to let go of all of the false narratives we tell ourselves and she shares some valuable ‘habit hacks’ to help you reframe negative thinking. Tuning in, you’ll hear some actionable advice for redefining your limiting beliefs about yourself, setting boundaries rather than ultimatums, and invigorating your self-image, plus so much more.
If you're listening to this podcast, you’re probably struggling with self-confidence, feelings of unworthiness, or low self-esteem, but Jackie is here to tackle all of that noise and help you create a first-class life!
Topics discussed in this episode:
● The influence your self-image has on your anxiety
● Reframing limiting beliefs by creating new habits
● Using journaling as a tool to redefine ‘I am’ statements
● Who you become in the process of attaining your goals
● What the consistency chain teaches us about progress
● How social media contributes to paranoia about infidelity
● Why you should let go of the false narratives you’ve created
● Why communication and vulnerability are key
● The difference between boundaries and ultimatums
● Understanding why men are often called ‘simple creatures’!
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
13: How Men Think About Dating and Relationships w/ James Preece
27 Sep 2022
00:32:56
James Preece is UK's top dating coach and often compared to Will Smith in the movie Hitch. In today's episode he shares some differences and similarities of men and women when it comes to dating and relationships.
Here are just a few tips and words of wisdom James shares in this episode:
Women often unknowingly situate themselves in unapproachable situations. At the gym with their headphones on or going out in packs with our friends.
Approaching a new relationship through the lens of an old relationship and assuming we will be treated poorly this time as well.
He also shares some interesting statistics on why it feel difficult to find Mr. Right and advises both men and women to stop looking for the red flags and look for the green ones.
If you're already in a relationship, no worries, he has some tips to share with you as well!
For more dating advice, check out his podcast, Love Machine on your favorite listening app.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
12: Standing Up To Both Your Inner Critic And The Narcissistic One w/ Wendy Behary
20 Sep 2022
00:35:43
Is your partner a narcissist? If you feel like they are, it may be true, so we decided to present 10 warning signs to watch out for so you can know for sure.
In this episode you will learn: 1. Learning about narcissism in order to emancipate yourself from self-blame and self-doubt. 2. Understanding that narcissism exists along a spectrum, and that not everyone with narcissistic traits has a personality disorder. 3. Recognizing the role of the inner critic in fueling jealousy and insecurity, and learning how to stand up to it.
Here's a breakdown of what is covered:
[00:00:05] - Introduction to Wendy.
[00:00:47] - Introduction and training.
[00:01:21] - Jealousy and impostor syndrome.
[00:06:34] - Jealousy from a childhood.
[00:12:10] - When grief feels big.
[00:16:26] - Tips for dealing with narcissists.
[00:24:49] - Partners of narcissists.
[00:33:06] - Five tips to help break your jealous habits.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
11: Tap Into The More Wise Part Of You w/ Dr. Ann Balkanski
06 Sep 2022
00:22:30
All of us tend to lead with our thinking mind, which only makes up about 10% of who we actually are. There are other parts of our brain that have a larger capacity to accurately intake the information around us. However these parts of our mind are difficult to tap into, which is why there are tools such as hypnotherapy that can be used to enter these wiser faculties of our mind and help aid us in dealing with unpleasant feelings and emotions like jealousy.
On today’s episode, medical doctor and hypnotherapist Dr. Ann Marie Balkanski shares one way of tapping into the subconscious mind and explains why it’s so important to get to know our subconscious mind as well as our working mind.
By communicating directly with the feeling body, Dr. Balkanski helps her patients to engage with their subconscious in order to facilitate the start of the healing process.
Dr. Balkanski’s work centers on the idea that memories are actually held within the body and that by familiarizing oneself with what those experiences make us feel, we can work through these traumas and let go.
Hypnosis is about waking up and finding clarity on a situation, and feelings and experiences of jealousy are no different.
So for all the jealousy junkies out there, we’re inviting you to try a bit of self-hypnosis and tap into the bigger, wiser part of your mind. Listen and let us know if it helped you!
Topics discussed in this episode:
Tapping into the subconscious mind
There’s so much more to who you are
Befriending all parts of your mind
Behaviors: the movie-based experiences of life
Dr. Balkanski’s journey to hypnotherapy
How hypnotherapy can help overcome jealousy
Waking up with hypnosis
Working within the hypnagogic state
The power of meditation
Check out two of Dr. Balkanski’s meditations below.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
10: How To Tame Your Jealous Actions
30 Aug 2022
00:25:55
In this episode, Shanenn walks through an exercise she did to stop her jealous actions. She breaks these action habits into two categories
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
09: Is Jealousy Keeping You Ruthless with Dr. Marcia Sirota
23 Aug 2022
00:33:50
“We need to understand that being kind to ourselves has nothing to do with stuffing down our feelings or burying them, or smothering them with consumerism or addiction. It's really about looking inward. Seeing what feelings and what needs are there and trying to find realistic and compassionate solutions.” - Dr. Marcia Sirota
Being kind in our society is unfortunately very rare. Not just kindness to others, but kindness to ourselves as well.
There seems to be a common theme among society, which is that we experience a lot of negative self-talk which causes us to not be compassionate with ourselves, or others. This can become an issue, especially in intimate relationships, because a lot of the mistrust and jealousy comes from innate negative self-talk where we filter the world through that perception.
What would happen if you became aware of those filters, and decided to change your perspective to have ruthless compassion for yourself and others? What would your life and relationships look like?
Forgiving yourself for the past is the first step, and resetting to do better in each moment is the key. You will never be ‘perfect’. This is an impossible standard that we need to do away with. What we can do is improve in every moment with kindness as our anchor.
On today’s episode, we have invited Dr. Marcia Sirota who is a board certified psychiatrist and host of the ‘Ruthless Compassion’ podcast. Who better to help us uncover what it means to be ruthlessly compassionate and cultivate kindness within yourself and others!
Marcia is on a mission to create an army of kindness warriors, because the world is in desperate need of this. Also, having this compassion for yourself could be the turning point for your jealousy in relationships.
So for all the jealousy junkies out there, we have a challenge for you. Listen in to hear what it is and let us know if it helped you!
Topics discussed in this episode:
● What does it mean to be a kindness warrior
● Two ways we can have jealousy
● Importance of a reality check when differentiating jealousy
● When you need to use ruthless compassion
● Importance of slowing down and relaxing to conjure a reality check
● Difference between being self indulgent, lenient, and kind
● Importance of having reasonable expectations of yourself
● Perception through the filter of our past vs. the truth
● Importance of mindfulness as a tool to cut through our filters
● The ruthless piece of ruthless compassion
● The importance of mental flexibility
● Take every opportunity to be kind
● A challenge for all the jealousy junkies out there!
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
08: Is It Your Fear or Intuition with Dr. Ashlee Greer
16 Aug 2022
00:32:02
Jealousy can be insidious. It can cause us to unravel and mistrust ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Also, what feels like a deep knowing can oftentimes come across as a possible fear because of how activated our nervous system is at the thought of a partner cheating.
Intuition is real and it can be trusted. As long as you know how to differentiate your intuition from anxiety and fear, it can be used as a powerful tool to help guide you in all areas of your life, especially when experiencing jealousy with your partner. If you are unsure whether you can differentiate the two, there are ways you can fine tune your intuition to use it to your advantage.
To learn how to differentiate the two, we have invited mentor and mindset coach who also has a PhD in psychology, Ashley Greer, to give us practical exercises to anchor our intuition. She also teaches us how to know when you are feeling fear and anxiety, and how that manifests in the body and mind. These are practical tools that can be used in all areas of life, but are so important for the highly emotional parts, such as intimate relationships.
Tune in to hear how you can start to fine tune your intuition and understand fear and anxiety from a different lens.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Differentiation between intuition and fear
The bodily sensations of fear vs. intuition
When do we get intuitive thoughts?
An exercise on how to anchor in to your intuition
How the quality of the questions are important to understanding intuition
Does the strength of feeling determine intuition accuracy?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
07: The 4 Step Apology To Make Things Right with Molly Howes
09 Aug 2022
00:33:31
The truth is, we are hardwired as humans to not want to apologize. It is one of the most difficult things to do on a cultural and neurological level. Feeling as though we did something wrong and that we hurt someone is not the way we want to feel about ourselves, so in an instant our brain chooses to protect itself. However, what if apologizing was looked at through a different lens? What if we used apologies as a way to create better connections with a partner and make big changes that could help elevate relationships.There are so many misconceptions about apologizing, such as, apologizing is a sign of weakness, when it is actually the total opposite and we want to tackle this issue on today’s podcast.
Joining us today is Harvard trained clinical psychologist and author of ‘A Good Apology: Four Steps to Make Things Right’, Molly Howes. Molly walks us through why people don’t like to apologize and how we can overcome that by using her four steps to apologizing. She is here to educate us on the psychology behind apologizing, and how we can become better apologizers for us and our partners.
Apologizing isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, it’s about building better connections and working as a team. With some introspection and the right tools, apologizing in a way that will help your relationship is possible. Tune in to hear how!
Topics discussed in this episode:
Why is it so hard to apologize?
How to better understand your partner’s point of view
Why is it easier to see other people’s mistakes rather than our own?
What is forgiveness inflation?
Why guilt is actually a good thing
What is confirmation bias?
Does being open help your partner open up?
The need for responsibility and empathy in an apology
Creating a system to ensure to not hurt the other
Becoming a team with your partner for a mutually beneficial outcome
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
🎧 In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down the 3 stages of jealousy that sabotage emotional security—and how to work through them.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in spirals, constantly checking your partner’s phone, or craving reassurance just to get through the day—this episode is for you.
Through her own experience and years of coaching clients through jealousy, Shanenn identifies 3 specific levels most people go through: High Alert, Distance Dependent, and Emotionally Equipped. You’ll learn how to recognize where you are, why each stage feels the way it does, and how to move forward with more self-trust and less shame.
This is your roadmap out of relationship anxiety and into emotional strength.
🔑 Key Moments:
2:00 – The High Alert stage: spiraling thoughts, hypervigilance, and the toll on your nervous system
10:00 – Breaking out of unhealthy validation habits using the Think-Do-Say framework
17:00 – The Distance Dependent stage: calm on the surface, but still triggered by what you see
23:00 – Using self-focus and small wins to rewire your emotional patterns
28:00 – The Emotionally Equipped stage: meeting your own needs without over-relying on your partner
31:00 – How to bounce back after a setback without shame or spirals
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy isn’t just emotional—it becomes physical stress if left unchecked
The Think-Do-Say model helps break compulsive habits by replacing them with conscious choices
You can stop checking the phone without stopping all the habits—just start with one
Self-validation is the gateway to emotional safety
You don’t need your partner to fix your jealousy—you need tools to manage your emotional responses
❤️ Perfect for listeners who:
Feel overwhelmed by jealousy or insecure thoughts in their relationship
Are trying to stop spiraling and start self-soothing
Want practical, non-judgmental tools for emotional growth
Are ready to take their healing seriously but with compassion
Crave deeper connection—without losing themselves
✍️ Leave a review and let us know—what stage do you see yourself in right now? And what’s one habit you’re working to change?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
06: Is Jealousy The Problem or The Solution
02 Aug 2022
00:11:30
Have you ever considered what your jealousy trying to accomplish? If you flip jealousy on it's head and think of it in the best possible way, could it be the solution?
Dr. Susan Heilter wrote about this in Psychology Today and it really changed the way I viewed my jealousy. This lead to a super cool exercise that I am sharing with you on today's episode as well as what I discovered from it.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
05: Rebuilding The Relationship After Betrayal with Dr. Ruth Harpur
19 Jul 2022
00:36:52
The aftermath of a betrayal can be devastating. So many questions, heartache and challenges that come when there is an affair in a relationship. Could you, should you try to rebuild the relationship?
In today's episode, clinical psychologist, Ruth Ann Harpur who specializes in relationships, discusses the delicate work of rebuilding the relationship after a betrayal.
Dr. Harpur says often the offender will "drip" information to the offended causing additional trauma with each unveiling of a new detail.
She warns being too eager to ask for all the details of the affair but instead focusing on the details of what the affair meant to the offender and what it means to you.
This episode is not intended as therapy and could contain potentially distressing material.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
04: One Thing To Do When You're On The Verge Of A Meltdown with Jessica Harrington
12 Jul 2022
00:33:34
What can you do when you're on the verge of a jealous meltdown or anxiety meltdown? Just need 1 thing you can do differently to allow you to respond versus react?
I'm chatting it up with stress management coach Jessica Harrington and she gives you several 1 things you can do in those times you're feeling a little out of control of your emotions.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
03: The Journey To Overcoming Jealousy
12 Jul 2022
00:11:03
My name is Shanenn Bryant, and I'm a transformation coach and one of the few to focus on overcoming jealousy in relationships.
For many years, I was extremely insecure and jealous in my relationships and thought it was just the way I am and the way I would always be. I also thought I was the only one who struggled with this.
Until one day I was handed a piece of paper from a therapist as she invited me to "not come back" (more about that story later). The paper was what the ACA (Adult children of an alcoholics) calls the Laundry List. And there it was, a whole list of my behavior characteristics all typed out in black and white.
Not that all women who are jealousy had parents or a parent who was an alcoholic, but seeing my behaviors on a list let me know that I must not be alone in my struggles AND if there's a list, there's a solution.
So, I committed to tackling this once and for all and I want the same thing for you too. I hope my long troubled journey becomes your short, clear path to overcoming your insecurities and jealousy.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
02: What's The Root Cause Of Your Jealousy with Dr. Genesis Games
12 Jul 2022
00:42:17
If you've ever researched..."why am I jealous" you may have been left with more questions than answers. In this episode, Dr. Genesis Games walks you through what may be at the root of your jealousy and insecurities.
You'll get a deep dive into each of the attachment styles and why it's important to know yours.
Secure Attachment
Anxious Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Combo of Anxious-Avoidant (relationship fireworks x 10)
Wondering how to feel more secure in relationships? Dr. Games also shares 5 ways to move to a secure attachment style to improve relationships.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
01: Introducing The Top Self Podcast
09 Jul 2022
00:03:40
If you struggle with insecurities and jealousy in your relationship, this podcast is for you!
Often these insecurities come from childhood or experience with betrayal and cheating partners in past relationships. This can leave you with feelings of jealousy and insecurity in your current relationship, even when there's no evidence or grounds to be worried.
Are you ready to relax your mind, achieve change, and be a healthier more present you?
Former jealous girl, Shanenn Bryant, brings on experts in their field to tackle this green-eyed monster once and for all.
Join us each to start living a life of confidence!
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
A Nervous System Reset For Jealousy EP 113
27 May 2025
00:33:46
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn unpacks one of the most misunderstood truths about jealousy: it doesn’t start in your mind—it starts in your body.
If you’ve ever told yourself “I’m just going to think positive thoughts” or “I’ll be chill tonight”—only to spiral the moment your partner picks up their phone—then go ahead and hit play now.
Shanenn introduces a nervous system-based approach to jealousy, built around her signature BAM Method: Body And Mind. You’ll learn how to stop shaming your reactions, calm your nervous system, and respond in a healthier way—rather than fear, panic, or reactivity.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of body-based jealousy and emotional spirals.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Jealousy isn’t crazy—it’s a stored survival response from your nervous system
💎 Your body reacts before your brain can even form a thought
💎 BAM = Body And Mind (Breathe, Acknowledge, Move) is your new reset tool
💎 A safer body allows you to choose a better thought
💎 Explaining your nervous system reactions to your partner can build deeper understanding
Key Moments:
3:25 – Why jealousy can’t be “thought away” (and why 95% of your reactions aren’t logical)
7:17 – The real reason your stomach drops when he texts—and what your nervous system is doing
10:28 – Introducing BAM: Why calming your body comes before calming your thoughts
15:02 – The “hot stove” analogy to help explain jealousy to your partner
19:33 – BAM, defined: Breathe. Acknowledge. Move.
24:51 – What to do when your body believes an old wound is happening again
27:42 – How to shift into your “choice moment” once your body feels safe
Resources Mentioned:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Join the next session starting June 18th. Register here
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Unhealthy Thought Patterns And How To Spot Them w/ Amy Kemp EP 112
20 May 2025
00:32:57
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with thought habit strategist and author Amy Kemp to unpack one of the most damaging patterns women struggle with—tying our self-worth to performance.
From subconscious thought loops to resentment signals, Amy shares the surprising truth behind why we feel exhausted, unseen, and over-obligated—and what we can do to reclaim our identity and energy.
If you're spiraling in your own pool of thoughts, this episode will help you understand the thought habits secretly draining you and how to replace them with empowering defaults.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 You are not your thoughts—your brain’s habits can be rewired
💎 Resentment is a neon sign flashing: “Missing boundary here”
💎 “I should” and “I have to” are energy leaks disguised as productivity
💎 Confidence isn’t a feeling—it’s what shows up after you act
💎 Your natural genius is the thing that feels easy to you but amazes others
Key Moments:
· 3:45 – Why 80% of our thoughts are subconscious (and how to catch the unhealthy ones)
· 7:10 – The “value vs. performance” hand exercise that could change how you see yourself
· 12:50 – What resentment actually means (hint: it’s a missing boundary)
· 15:00 – The 3 most common toxic thought habits women carry
· 21:40 – The Resentment Audit: a practical way to uncover unspoken needs
· 25:15 – How to find your “natural genius” and stop undervaluing your gifts
About Our Guest:
Amy Kemp is a leadership coach, speaker, and author of I See You: A Guide for Women to Make More, Have More, and Be More. Her work helps women reprogram limiting thought habits so they can stop second-guessing themselves and start living and leading with clarity and energy.
Take her free Habit Finder assessment to discover your subconscious thought patterns and how to shift them at www.amykemp.com.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
5 Daily Gratitude Habits to Quiet Anxiety and Reclaim Joy w/ Dr. Peggy DeLong EP 111
13 May 2025
00:29:57
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with clinical psychologist and gratitude expert Dr. Peggy DeLong known as The Gratitude Psychologist to explore how gratitude can be a lifeline in life’s hardest seasons.
Whether you’re navigating grief, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, Peggy shares the science and soul behind why gratitude is most powerful on your worst days not your best. From the moment she found comfort in a cup of hazelnut coffee while sitting at her fiancé’s deathbed, to her 5-minute daily gratitude practice, this episode is packed with perspective shifts that can change the way you cope, connect, and heal.
If you’ve ever thought “I know I should be grateful, but I just can’t right now,” this conversation is for you.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
💡 Gratitude is most impactful in pain—not after it
10:00 – The Reticular Activating System and how it filters what you notice
13:00 – The most important gratitude habit for improving mental health
18:00 – Gratitude letters: why they benefit the writer more than the recipient
20:00 – Using pain as a trigger to practice gratitude
24:30 – How gratitude can significantly improve your sleep
26:40 – The link between gratitude, resilience, and rewiring your brain
👩⚕️ About Our Guest:
Dr. Peggy DeLong is a licensed psychologist, speaker, author, and founder of the Feeling Good Institute. Known as “The Gratitude Psychologist,” she teaches people how to cultivate joy, emotional resilience, and well-being through the power of gratitude and positive psychology. Her programs, books, and workshops are designed to make science-backed tools feel simple and accessible for anyone—especially during difficult times.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Detach From These If You Want Love, Peace, And Clarity w/ Bob Rosen EP 110
22 Apr 2025
00:31:26
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with psychologist, leadership advisor, and author Bob Rosen to explore what it really means to let go—not of people, but of the stories, fears, and beliefs that silently run your life.
Whether you’re obsessively checking your partner’s texts, chasing success but never feeling satisfied, or stuck in pain from your past, Bob’s message is clear: your attachments are stealing your peace.
Together, they unpack how detaching from control, perfection, and outdated narratives helps you build emotional security, deeper relationships, and a more grounded sense of self-worth.
From the fear behind obsessive thoughts to the healing power of self-forgiveness, this episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to stop spiraling—and start feeling free.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 We obsess to feel in control—but it keeps us stuck in fear.
💎 Letting go of the past isn’t forgetting—it’s releasing your grip on pain.
💎 Control shows up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overthinking.
💎 True intimacy starts when we stop trying to manage the outcome.
💎 You can’t build a secure relationship without building self-trust first.
🔑 Key Moments:
· 3:00 – The 10 invisible attachments that are silently running your life
· 6:45 – How childhood wounds show up in your adult relationships
· 8:50 – Why control and perfection are actually fear-based addictions
· 12:10 – How to stay connected to your partner without getting consumed
· 16:00 – The real reason self-love is essential to relationship security
· 21:00 – What “obsessive thoughts” are trying to do—and how to break the loop
· 24:50 – Bob’s personal battle with addiction, and how he finally let go
· 29:00 – The success myth: why achievements won’t heal your insecurity
· 32:00 – Why we fear aging—and how to detach from youth-based worth
· 35:00 – How to take Bob’s Attachment Assessment and start your own healing
👤 About Our Guest:
Bob Rosen is a psychologist, leadership expert, and author of Detached: Letting Go to Gain Clarity, Control, and Peace. With decades of experience coaching Fortune 500 CEOs, Bob brings a unique blend of Eastern and Western psychology to help people release mental baggage and reclaim their peace.
He shares not only client stories but his own powerful personal journey—including his recovery from opiate addiction and perfectionism—and how letting go gave him his life back.
📍 Find Bob’s book, take the Attachment Assessment, or download his Book Club Kit at: www.bobrosen.com
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Are You Guilty Of This Common Habit That Destroys Relationships w/ Jessica Higgins EP 109
15 Apr 2025
00:45:35
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with relationship and communication expert Dr. Jessica Higgins to unpack one of the sneakiest relationship saboteurs: criticism.
Whether you’re nitpicking over the garage door or bottling resentment until it explodes, criticism can quietly damage your emotional connection. Dr. Higgins breaks down why we criticize, how it's often tied to fear, insecurity, or control—and what to do instead.
From revealing instead of blaming, to communicating needs without making your partner defensive, this episode is packed with powerful reframes and tools to shift from criticism to connection.
Key Moments:
· 2:00 – Why criticism is often an attempt to control, not connect
· 6:00 – How to tell the difference between a complaint an emotional need
· 12:20 – What your criticism is actually trying to say
· 20:40 – How to turn a complaint into a “reveal or request”
· 29:00 – The neuroscience behind why we misread our partner’s silence
· 38:00 – A hilarious hot tub story that’ll test your jealousy triggers
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Criticism is often a shield for unspoken fear or vulnerability
💎 Most people don’t sign up for unsolicited feedback in their relationships
💎 Turning a complaint into a request helps your partner want to meet your needs
💎 You can feel connected and secure—even in uncertain moments
💎 When you reveal your “real” feeling, your partner is more likely to show up for you
About Our Guest:
Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the Empowered Relationship podcast. She helps couples break out of reactive patterns and build deeper emotional intimacy. Her work blends neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and practical tools to help couples thrive.
Her free guide, “Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication,” offers powerful real-life examples to help you reframe common communication pitfalls and start getting your needs met—without pushing your partner away.
Resources Mentioned:
Free Guide: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication (www.drjessicahiggins.com)
The Gottman Institute’s Research on Criticism & the “Four Horsemen”
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
You Can't Control Others But THIS Question Will Change Everything w/ Leah Lemberg 108
01 Apr 2025
00:34:34
In this powerful episode of Top Self, host Shanenn Bryant sits down with Leah Lemberg, who shares her remarkable journey from growing up in an alcoholic home to becoming 16 years sober and helping others transform their lives. From IV drug use at 18 to finding sobriety and purpose, Leah's story offers hope and practical wisdom for anyone struggling with addiction, unhealthy patterns, or leadership challenges.
Golden Nuggets:
💎 "How am I complicit in creating the conditions that I say I don't want?" - A powerful question for self-reflection
💎 Creating space in your day for reflection helps you make better choices when triggered
💎 There's always a moment of choice between reactive patterns and intentional responses
💎 Recovery isn't just about abstinence - there's a "third way" that offers true freedom
💎 "How you show up here is how you show up everywhere" - Our patterns affect all areas of life
About Our Guest:
Leah Lemberg is a coach who combines her 16 years of sobriety experience with business leadership expertise. After transforming her own life, she now helps others apply 12-step principles to business and personal challenges. Her sobriety date is January 9, 2009.
Perfect for listeners who:
Are struggling with addiction or have loved ones who are
Want to break unhealthy patterns in their personal or professional lives
Are interested in applying 12-step principles to business leadership
Need strategies for self-reflection and emotional regulation
Want to improve how they show up in their relationships and work
Resources Mentioned:
Book: "Reboot" by Jerry Colonna
Key Moments:
[00:01:07] Introduction to Leah Lemberg and her dog Ajax
[00:02:28] Leah shares her background growing up in an alcoholic home
[00:04:35] Discussion of the rarity of maintaining sobriety
[00:06:27] How addiction affects family dynamics and connectivity
[00:08:04] The impact of maintaining appearances and facades
[00:09:23] Exploring hypervigilance and its effects on relationships
[00:13:47] How Leah transformed her experiences into helping others
[00:16:04] The powerful question: "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"
[00:18:26] Breakdown of the 12-step approach adapted for business and personal growth
[00:20:48] The "Hansel and Gretel" approach to reflection and awareness
[00:23:50] The "Trash Heap" analogy for making better choices
[00:28:22] Leah's wisdom on finding "the third way" beyond using and white-knuckling
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Uninstall Your Triggers w/ Dr. Greg Stewart EP 107
18 Mar 2025
00:34:35
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Greg Stewart, counselor, executive coach, and author to explore why insecurity might be the most valuable emotion we experience. Dr. Stewart shares his powerful framework for understanding emotional triggers and reveals how owning our insecurities can be the key to personal freedom.
From his concept of "the house of your heart" to practical techniques like "embrace the digs," Dr. Stewart offers a refreshing perspective on emotional intelligence that can transform how you experience your relationships.
Golden Nuggets:
💎 "The plain and simple fact that you can't stand it when you fail proves it's not who you are at your core." - Dr. Greg Stewart
💎 "What happens when we take things personally? The insult is impacting our value and worth. And it should not."
💎 "Your identity is you at your best. This takes the impact of failures and weaknesses down from devastating to just disappointing."
💎 "I don't need my partner to validate or pursue me. I want them to, but I don't need them to."
💎 "When a strength is taken too far, it becomes a weakness—especially when we experience negative emotion."
About Our Guest:
Dr. Greg Stewart is a counselor, executive coach, and consultant who spent 15 years as a pastor and 3 years in organizational development. He's the author of two books: "I Cubed" for individual growth and "I Cubed for Couples," with a third book "I Cubed for Leaders" in development. Dr. Stewart completed his PhD studying emotional intelligence and brings a unique perspective on healing from insecurity and developing healthy relationships.
Resources Mentioned:
Dr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed" for individual growth and development
Dr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed for Couples" for relationship development
Coming Soon: "I Cubed for Leaders" (Fall release)
Perfect for listeners who:
Struggle with jealousy or insecurity in their relationships
Want to stop taking things personally and being easily triggered
Need to break free from seeking validation from others
Are working on building confidence and self-worth
Want to understand the deeper causes of their emotional reactions
Action Steps:
Identify what lies you believe about yourself that cause "inflation of emotion"
Practice "embracing the digs" by owning truthful criticism instead of defending
Evaluate whether your need for validation is making you emotionally dependent
Recognize when your strengths might be taken too far and becoming weaknesses
Ask yourself "What did I lose?" from past trauma that you need to reclaim
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Do You Need to Change Your Partner or Your Patterns EP 124
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”
The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.
If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.
You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.
💡 Key Moments:
2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”
❤️ Quote of the Episode:
“Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.”
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Reframing Friction For Relationship Growth w/ Dr. Rachel Glik EP 106
04 Mar 2025
00:29:33
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Rachel Glik, a licensed professional counselor with over 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist. Dr. Glik shares insights from her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose," offering her thoughts on how to nurture lasting love and embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 "The impact of our own personal growth work and turning to ourselves first to transform, evolve, heal, and feel whole is how we create a better impact with the people in our lives."
💎 "When we are reactive, we only plant seeds that keep us in the same patterns."
💎 "Your relationship is your purpose to grow. Whenever there's growth, there's some sort of confusion or conflict."
💎 "Don't stop growing. Don't be afraid to grow. You can do it thoughtfully while still respecting your partner's journey."
💎 "People who are going to have long-lasting energy in their relationship are those who continue growing together."
About Our Guest:
Dr. Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with more than 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist in her private practice. She has been featured on Fox 2 AM Show in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert. Her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose" offers a comprehensive approach to creating lasting, fulfilling relationships.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Jealousy Scale - From OK to No Way: A We're Not Fine & Top Self Collaboration EP 105
18 Feb 2025
00:56:03
🤣 🤣 Get ready to laugh your way through relationship real talk!
In this episode, we're joined by the hilarious duo from the "We're Not Fine" podcast - relationship therapist Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen - for an unfiltered discussion about those "Is this normal?" relationship questions.
Shanenn, Talia, and Doug dive into:
The great memorabilia debate: Is it okay to keep items from past relationships?
The Instagram thirst trap dilemma: When does looking become liking?
The workplace flirting fear: Where's the line between friendly and flirty?
Don't Miss Moments:
"We're all human. And one of the things I think we don't do well in our culture is allow humanness." - on relationship reality checks
"If you can't have fun and make light sometimes about serious things, you know, we just gotta lighten the mood sometimes." - on keeping perspective
The hilarious algorithm incident that has Doug mysteriously following muscular men cooking with pugs 🐶
Golden Nuggets:
💎 Transparency and trust are more important than trying to protect your partner from difficult truths
💎 Every relationship needs its own unique agreements about boundaries
💎 Growth in relationships often means moving from insecurity to security through open communication
💎 Sometimes the hardest conversations are the most important ones to have
Action Items from the Episode:
Have an open discussion with your partner about relationship boundaries and agreements
Practice distinguishing between secrecy and privacy in your relationship
Consider whether your social media behavior aligns with your relationship values
Remember that what works for one couple might not work for another
About Our Guests:
Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen host the "We're Not Fine" podcast where they talk about relationships with no holds barred. Their combined expertise in relationship therapy and real-world experience brings both professional insight and practical wisdom to relationship discussions.
Find the Guests:
Instagram: @DouglaslJensen and @DrTaliaJackson
Podcast: We're Not Fine
Website: werenotfine.com
YouTube: We're Not Fine
TikTok: @werenotfine
Perfect for listeners who:
Want honest, unfiltered relationship advice
Need a good laugh while tackling serious topics
Are curious about what's "normal" in relationships
Want to build healthier relationship boundaries
Enjoy real talk about modern relationship challenges
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Sneaky Way Your Past is Picking Your Partners w/ Dr. Christie Kederian EP 104
13 Feb 2025
00:39:24
❤️ The Date Doctor is Here!
In this episode of Top Self, we sit down with Dr. Christie Kederian, renowned relationship therapist, former eHarmony matchmaker, and author of the upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate." Dr. K shares her expert insights on building healthy relationships, understanding family dynamics, and navigating the modern dating landscape with authenticity and purpose.
Key Moments
🎯 [02:04] The unique perspective of a therapist-matchmaker and the importance of having expert guidance in relationship choices
🎯 [05:09] Understanding family dynamics and how they shape our relationship patterns
🎯 [09:42] How to have vulnerable conversations about your past without oversharing
🎯 [17:54] Reading relationship red flags through someone's response to boundaries
🎯 [22:37] The truth about chemistry: It's more than just physical attraction 🎯 [29:58] Why over-filtering potential partners might be blocking you from finding love
🎯 [32:39] The role of attachment styles in relationship dynamics
Golden Nuggets
💎 Chemistry isn't just about initial spark - it develops over time and has multiple dimensions
💎 It typically takes women 5-7 dates to truly sense chemistry with someone
💎 Your family background influences your relationship patterns, whether you're close to them or not
💎 The "village mentality" is crucial for healthy relationships - don't expect your partner to be everything
💎 True empathy is a key indicator of relationship potential
About Our Guest
Dr. Christie Kederian is a renowned relationship therapist and former eHarmony matchmaker known as "The Date Doctor." Her upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate" provides a strategic roadmap for finding and maintaining healthy relationships.
Action Steps for Listeners
Practice sharing vulnerable information progressively rather than all at once
Notice how potential partners respond to your boundaries
Look beyond surface-level chemistry to explore emotional and intellectual connections
Consider how your family background influences your relationship patterns
Focus on one date at a time instead of immediately evaluating long-term potential
Notable Quotes
"Chemistry has a lot more to do with the connection with someone over a period of time... There's physical chemistry, emotional chemistry, intellectual chemistry." - Dr. Christie Kederian
"How someone responds when you communicate that you're triggered... that's where really the beautiful corrective emotional experience happens." - Dr. Christie Kederian
Perfect For Listeners Who:
Are actively dating and feeling overwhelmed by the process
Want to understand how their family background affects
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Get Rid Of This Survival Skill EP 103
04 Feb 2025
00:28:00
In this powerful episode, Shanenn opens up about childhood trauma and how it shapes our relationship behaviors through hypervigilance.
Episode Highlights
The development of hypervigilance as a childhood survival skill
How childhood experiences with alcoholic parents can create heightened threat detection systems
Why hypervigilance often gets mistaken for good intuition
The physical and emotional toll of maintaining constant vigilance
Key Insights
70% of children from alcoholic homes develop hypervigilant traits that persist into adulthood
Our body's stress response system gets programmed in childhood
Emotional threats are processed by our bodies the same way as physical threats
Hypervigilance can create false beliefs and misinterpretation of neutral situations
References Mentioned
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk - Purchase Book
Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate and I may receive a commission if you purchase this book from this link
Any issues with registration reach out to support@topself.com
Call to Action Join the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp for: - Access to the Overthinkers Toolkit - 21 days of core wound reprogramming - Daily check-ins and support - Private session included - Workbook and guided meditation resources
Time Stamps
[00:00:00] Introduction and welcome [00:01:22] Personal story about childhood trauma [00:05:04] Development of hypervigilance as a survival skill [00:06:21] Scientific explanation of threat detection systems [00:09:15] Research on childhood trauma and relationship hypervigilance [00:15:07] Difference between curiosity and hypervigilance [00:17:06] Body tension awareness exercise [00:21:12] Reference to "The Body Keeps the Score" exercises [00:22:18] Information about the bootcamp program [00:25:52] Closing thoughts and practical steps forward
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
How To Be Happy w/ Tia Graham Ep 102
28 Jan 2025
00:22:04
Wanna know the science behind being happier? Check out this week's episode with Tedx speaker and happiness expert Tia Graham.
Tia Graham shares some powerful stuff about choosing happiness, managing triggers, and transforming childhood trauma.
From practical happiness frameworks to deeply personal stories about motherhood and healing, this episode is jammed packed with valuable tools for anyone looking to increase their joy and emotional regulation.
Episode Highlights:
The SPIRE framework for wellbeing: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, and Emotional
Why some people are naturally happier than others (and what we can all do about it)
How childhood trauma can impact our adult relationships and parenting
Practical tools for managing triggers and regulating your nervous system
The power of short, meaningful connections with friends
Key Takeaways:
The MEDS Framework for Daily Happiness
Three Ways to Increase Happiness
Tools for Managing Triggers
Guest Spotlight:
Tia Graham is a happiness expert and speaker who helps working moms find peace, joy, and emotional regulation. After transforming her own relationship with happiness through both personal experience and scientific study, she now leads the Calm Working Moms Collective.
"Happiness is a choice and it's something that you have agency over."
"Everyone can make it better for themselves... there is a component of choice and agency, and that's really around your thoughts, your behaviors, your responses."
Timestamp Highlights:
[00:01:23] Tia's journey into happiness research [00:04:17] Understanding happiness set points [00:04:51] The SPIRE framework explained [00:12:33] Personal story about childhood trauma [00:17:14] Practical tools for emotional regulation [00:21:25] Free self-care resource introduction
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Who Can You Trust? Ep 101
21 Jan 2025
00:22:02
Ever caught yourself having a meltdown or giving your partner the cold shoulder because you're feeling insecure? (Been there, done that!)
In this follow-up to our conversation with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, we're going in hard on a game-changing truth: the only person who can't abandon you is yourself.
Get ready for some fiery talk about self-trust, validation-seeking, and why your inner child needs a time-out from running your relationships.
Key Takeaways
Why are you testing your partner with "abandonment scales" that don't exist
How suppressing emotions is actually self-abandonment in disguise
The truth about external validation and why it's like trying to fill a leaky bucket
Why building self-trust doesn't mean becoming a totally independent island
How to stop abandoning yourself (even when you're feeling super insecure)
Memorable Quotes
💭 "Self-trust is the belief that you can rely on yourself to make decisions, handle emotions, and honor your needs"
Signs You Might Be Abandoning Yourself
Ignoring or suppressing your true feelings
Saying "yes" when you really mean "no"
Overworking to prove your worth
Putting others' needs first (even when you're running on empty)
Tolerating disrespect to keep the peace
Your Self-Trust Action Plan
Notice when you're seeking external validation
Challenge your black-and-white thinking
Start honoring your emotions
Practice setting boundaries
Trust that you can handle whatever comes your way
Episode Timeline
00:00 Welcome & Episode Recap
02:33 The Only Person Who Can't Abandon You
07:15 What Would Complete Self-Trust Feel Like?
12:45 The Closet Meltdown Story
18:30 Understanding Self-Abandonment
25:45 Building Real Self-Trust
29:20 Final Thoughts & Resources
Resources Mentioned
Free Self-Discovery Workshop (Registration is Open!)
Last Week's Episode with Dr. Brittany McGeehan (Episode 100)
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Stop Acting Like His Mother w/ Dr. Brittany McGeehan Ep: 100
14 Jan 2025
00:31:45
This episode is fire! 🔥
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn talks with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, who dropped a major truth bomb that made her stop everything: You’ll have to hit play to hear it. This may be the only thing you need to hear today!
Dr. McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and performance coach specializing in empowering high-achieving female CEOs, shares the "Drama Triangle" and why we keep getting stuck in these relationship cycles. And you better believe Shanenn of course asked her how to get off the Drama Triangle cycle.
Key Moments:
2:36 - Review of the Drama Triangle (your new favorite relationship framework)
5:03 - The sneaky way victim mode shows up
15:18 - Your practical escape route from the triangle
21:40 - Why female CEOs are exceptional fixers
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Your inner five-year-old has bigger control issues than you think
💎 The most dangerous thing you can do is talk to another human being (what?)
💎 Why your planning mode might be making things worse
💎 Giving the silent treatment is just spicy punishment in disguise
Don't Miss Moments:
"Humans are messy. The most dangerous thing you can do in life is talk to another human being and be in relationship with them." - on why relationships are inherently risky
"Adults always have a choice. We might not feel like we do, and we might not like that choice, but we always have a choice." - on breaking free from victim mode
Resources Mentioned:
- The Drama Triangle Framework
- The Powerhouse Paradox Framework
About Our Guest:
Dr. Brittany McGeehan is a licensed psychologist and performance coach who helps high-achieving female CEOs navigate personal and professional challenges through inner child work and leadership development.
Take Action:
Ready to figure out your drama profile? Take Dr. McGeehan's Powerhouse Paradox Quiz to discover your unique profile and get a personalized roadmap for building better relationships.
Perfect for listeners who:
- Find themselves constantly trying to "fix" their partner
- Feel trapped between victim and villain roles
- Are tired of being the relationship project manager
- Want to understand why they keep falling into the same patterns
- Need to stop treating their partner like a task list
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Next Chapter EP 99
07 Jan 2025
00:12:50
Shanenn understands how deeply our patterns are embedded in every corner of our existence. It turns out that relationship anxiety isn't just an isolated phenomenon – it's part of a larger tapestry of how we navigate life's complexities.
What We're Diving Into:
The revelation that your inner critic has apparently developed a rather impressive portfolio, showing up everywhere in your life from dating, to work, to relationships... all of it
What Top Self is currently offering so you can make this your year of change.
The fascinating discovery that our defense mechanisms are surprisingly consistent performers across all life domains
Notable Moments:
"Our programming isn't compartmentalized" – which explains why some people lead the way they do, why some people react the way they do, why some people take things so personally. our patterns are everywhere and we are on autopilot unaware of most of them.
What's Available For You Now:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp: Six weeks of methodical pattern disruption ($397)
One-on-one coaching: For those ready to conduct a thorough investigation of their life patterns
CIS Membership: A collective of women examining their shared experiences with refreshing candor
Episode Breakdown: 00:00 - Embracing 2025 01:00 - The Paradigm Shift 03:00 - Origins and Evolution 05:00 - Pattern Recognition 08:00 - Strategic Next Steps 12:00 - Closing Thoughts
Remember: You're part of a community navigating these waters together.
For your next steps in pattern recognition and reformation, visit topself.com/bootcamp.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
New Year, New Thoughts EP 98
31 Dec 2024
00:07:18
What will you be thinking ONE YEAR from now?
Will it be the same thoughts you're having today? Will you're focus be on the same things?
In this episode, we explore how your life could look totally different one year from now and why your thoughts might be your biggest obstacle to change. Shanenn gives an example of what she calls "heavy thinking" or better known as a thought spiral and suggests you could try to do the opposite.
What?
Shanenn shares:
How your thoughts have likely been your biggest enemy this year and the physical impact of negative thought spirals on your body and emotions 🌀
Why "heavy thinking" can be as intoxicating like heavy drinking, and how it leads to anxiety, upset stomach, and racing thoughts 😰
The snowball effect of negative thoughts and how one small trigger (like a partner's schedule change) can lead to a full-blown emotional crisis 🔄
The power of intentionally changing your "think of choice" and creating positive thought spirals for the new year 🌟
Don't Miss Moments:
"Repetition plus emotion programs life's commotion" - on how repeated thought patterns shape our reality
"What if, in this new year, you intentionally change your think of choice?" - on taking control of your thought patterns
Action Items from the Episode:
Practice awareness of your thought patterns
Start creating intentional positive thought spirals
Envision how you want to feel and think in the next year
Consider joining the upcoming Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp in early February
Practice positive overthinking, especially during morning anxiety
You would be amazed what a difference a year can make and you're worth putting in the time!
00:00 Introduction and the Power of Belief in Change 02:15 Understanding Heavy Thinking 03:45 The Spiral of Negative Thoughts 04:30 Physical and Emotional Impact of Thought Patterns 05:20 Creating Positive Thought Spirals 06:40 Envisioning Your Future Self
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Why Shame Is Sabotaging Your Relationship (and what to do instead) EP 97
This episode talks about the crucial difference between guilt and shame, and why one might be secretly sabotaging your relationship growth.
Shanenn shares:
• How guilt is like your relationship GPS - letting you know when you've made a wrong turn, while shame is more like a brick wall blocking all possible routes 🚧
• Why treating yourself like your own mean girl isn't helping (and what Brené Brown has to say about it) 💭
Don't Miss Moments:
• "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change" - breaking down Brené Brown's powerful insight
• "We're not going to take the steps to become self-aware if we believe we're fundamentally flawed" - on why shame keeps us stuck
Action Items from the Episode:
• Notice the difference between "I did something bad" vs. "I am bad"
• Practice self-compassion by asking "What would I say to a friend?"
• Start shortening your recovery time after jealous reactions
• Break free from shame cycles with practical tools
• Save your spot in the January "Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp"
⚡️ Special Holiday Offer: Book your pay-what-you-can coaching session (min. $25) through December 31st at www.topself.com - Limited spots remaining!
00:00 Understanding Jealousy and Negative Emotions 00:18 Holiday Season Special: 12 Hours of Giving 01:58 Exciting Announcements for 2025 02:41 Introduction to Guilt and Shame 03:46 The Difference Between Guilt and Shame 04:33 The Impact of Guilt and Shame on Jealousy 10:44 Strategies to Manage Guilt and Shame 12:02 Upcoming Bootcamp and Final Thoughts
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
What Would Your Life Be Like If You Weren't Jealous EP 123
In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:
“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”
From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.
She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.
This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguise
Hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategy
Your brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearn
Without jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life back
That confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting
🔑 Key Moments:
1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open
5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for
10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection
14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard
20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?
27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building
36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained
41:00 – Create your own security protocol
44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off
46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again
💖 Perfect for listeners who:
Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personality
Replay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for clues
Want to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peace
Crave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.