The ReProgram – Details, episodes & analysis

TedX Speaker, author and mother of 4 Katie Kimball is on the pod today to discuss the concept of picky eating and how it is not solely about the food! What?? I know. She introduces the five P's that contribute to picky eating: palate, pain, processing, pressure, and power. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the physiological and sensory aspects of eating, as well as the impact of pressure and power dynamics in the parent-child relationship. This episode will unlock so much powerful info for parents in this battle.

Even if you don't have a "picky eater," you have an eater. In this conversation Katie and I talk about how to support our children in listening to their bodies, making their own choices when it comes to food (with boundaries!) and helping them to build a healthy exploratory relationship between themselves and the food. What a gift to give them!

This episode was a wealth of information on a topic I know we all struggle with daily, I got so much out of it and I know you will too! Takeaways

• Picky eating is not solely about the food; it is influenced by various factors such as palate, pain, processing, pressure, and power.
• Understanding the physiological and sensory aspects of eating can help parents address picky eating behaviors.
• Pressure and power dynamics in the parent-child relationship can contribute to picky eating.
• Allowing children to listen to their bodies and make their own choices when it comes to food is important for developing a healthy relationship with food.
• Parents should focus on praising the process rather than the results when it comes to eating. Set boundaries and provide structure around meal times to teach kids to listen to their bodies and make healthy food choices.
• Establish snack time boundaries and say no to certain foods to create a balanced approach to eating.
• Teach kids to eat well by preparing the space, leading with healthy options, and maintaining a poker face.
• Exposure to a variety of foods is important, and it may take multiple attempts for a child to develop a taste for certain foods.
• Avoid short order cooking and catering to picky preferences, as it can exacerbate the problem.
• Cooking with kids builds their confidence, develops life skills, and creates positive associations with food.

You can connect further with Katie's incredible work and resources at https://www.kitchenstewardship.com/ and her Instagram @katiekimballkidscook

I am so excited to finally bring to you Veronica Rotman, a somatic nervous system healing practitioner and teacher to discuss with me the importance of somatics in parenting and the impact of the nervous system on our experiences. This conversation encompasses everything I have learned and believe that parents need to know to get free from the invisible prisons of performance, perfectionism and pain that they find themselves in. 

Veronica is not only an expert in the nervous system, but she specializes in the female nervous system, and she explains how the lack of maternal support specifically impacts our differently wired systems, as well as how females are wired differently than males. This is like a supportive mini masterclass, full of so much information, but also advice, encouragement, and empathy as we too as mothers fully know what it’s like to be in these bodies in this time in history.

And like me, she has found through her training, work with parents and from her lives experience, that when we do the somatic trauma healing work from the events in our lives (especially the relational trauma that is rampant in our culture), parenting can "flow from an intuitive place." This is everything I want for you all.
Enjoy this breath of fresh air and this further nudge into this life-altering work.

Takeaways

• Move beyond the cultural narrative of simply asking 'how do you feel?' and explore and be present with our sensations and emotions.
• The female nervous system is primed for relationship and co-regulation, and this is crucial in parenting.
• Neuroception is the autonomic nervous system's ability to scan our environment for signs of safety or threat.
• Prioritize oxytocin over dopamine in our culture to support regulation and well-being.
• New mothers often experience isolation and lack of support, which can impact their nervous system and mental health.
• Embodiment, regulation, and co-regulation are essential in parenting and fostering secure attachment.
• Interrupt the cycle of dysregulation and reactivity through open curiosity and self-awareness. Modeling emotional regulation is essential for children to learn how to regulate their own emotions.
• Creating coherence between our feelings, words, actions, and beliefs is important for building secure relationships.
• Healing and rewiring our attachment patterns is crucial for our own well-being and for providing secure attachment to our children.
• Nature can be a powerful co-regulator and can help us establish a sense of safety and connection.
• Anger is a natural emotion and can be a healthy part of our relationships when expressed and followed by repair.
• Accountability and embodiment are key in creating healthy dynamics and relationships.

You can connect with Veronica and her work on Instagram at @wakingwomb or her website https://waking-womb.com/ to see more about her retreats and offerings. Happy Listening and Learning Loves!

*Or, alternate title: "How to Consciously Parent the Toddler that is our Body."

Yes, I know. Allow us to explain:

Seasononed psychotherapist turned Intuitive, Embodiment, and Relationship Coach Meaghan O'Malley is on the pod today to further de-mystify somatics, embodiment and how to be in relationship with our bodies as the ultimate vehicle for healing.

In this episode we talk about how to cultivate intuition through trusting the body, how to honor sensation and build a sense of safety in the body, how our body is essentially a toddler that needs to seen, accepted, trusted and soothed, the many ways the body talks to us, and how we can start to live a more aligned life when we are working with ourselves on this level.

Meghan's approach to healing is both deeply grounded and empowering (with a sprinkle of magic), the combination we all need as we navigate these turbulent changing times. I loved this conversation!

You can connect with Meghan on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/meghanomalleymagic/ and get more goodness from her!

Brilliant, articulate fellow therapist Sarah Ann Saeger is here to help us learn to navigate what it means to be the first generation breaking free from the unhealthy and unhelpful ways we were parented, while also parenting and reparenting.

This rich episode touches on the impact of childhood trauma on our parenting, understanding the inner child, attachment styles and healing our own attachment to Self, how to practice inner attunement, how to navigate the moving target of holding boundaries with our parents and why she is no longer referring to families as dysfunctional.

Sarah's training is in Internal Family Systems, and we both share our wisdom earned and passion shared for supporting adults in reclaiming what was lost in childhood.

Sarah Ann Saeger is a trauma-informed licensed counselor, writer and somatic practitioner, and fellow traveler. She helps individuals become the healthy adult their inner child needs after attachment trauma and discover healing in relationship.

Takeaways

• Childhood trauma can impact our parenting by triggering unresolved issues and unmet needs from our own childhood.
• Understanding and healing our own attachment patterns is crucial for creating secure attachments with our children.
• Finding balance in boundaries allows us to be authentic and connected while also maintaining a sense of self.
• The truth teller in the family system plays a vital role in bringing attention to harmful dynamics and promoting healing.
• Emotional weather in the family can impact children's emotional well-being and behavior.
• Codependency can hinder our ability to meet our own needs and can be addressed through self-attunement and internalized safety. Inner attunement and external support are crucial for healing and personal growth.
• Navigating uncertainty and anxiety requires self-compassion and external resources.
• Understanding the impact of environment and experience is essential in reframing family dysfunction.
• Empathy and understanding are key in working with families and healing intergenerational trauma.
• Forgiveness is a complex process that requires self-validation and setting boundaries is important for self-protection.

Chapters

03:13The Impact of Childhood Trauma on Parenting

05:33 Understanding the Inner Child

08:07 Attachment Styles and Insecure Attachment

09:35 The Impact of Socially Sanctioned Parenting Methods

12:28 Finding Balance in Boundaries

13:59 The Importance of Secure Attachment

16:20 Healing Our Own Attachment Patterns

21:28 The Impact of Emotional Weather on Children

25:03 Codependency and Recovery

32:29 Choosing Self and Internalized Safety

34:21 The Emergence of Inner Attunement

35:17 The Importance of Community Support

36:13 Balancing Inner Validation and External Support

37:21 Navigating Uncertainty and Anxiety

38:06 The Need for Human Connection and Touch

38:33 Reframing Family Dysfunction

39:30 Understanding the Impact of Environment and Experience

40:27 Empathy and Understanding for Parents

41:22 Compassion for Our Family System

42:00 The Impact of Trauma on Development

42:30 Cynicism vs Understanding in Working with Families

43:23 Trusting Intuition and Making Connections

44:16 Exploring Connections and Creativity

44:28 The Power of Symbolic Imagery

45:17 The Complexity of Forgiveness

46:13 Working with Parts and Setting Boundaries

47:11 Being Present for Inner Child Healing

48:32 Navigating Relationships with Parents

50:12 Accessing Inner Strength and Protection

52:08 The Importance of Self-Compassion

53:38 Moving from the Brain to the Body

55:16 The Lifelong Process of Healing

56:00 Radical Acceptance and Setting Boundaries

57:36 Being Gentle with Ourselves

59:07 Learning from Life's Unfolding Experiences

01:00:37 Curiosity, Creativity, and Compassion

01:02:46 Releasing Energy and Moving Energetically

01:03:16 Gentleness and Understanding for Parents You can connect with her, her wisdom and offerings at her Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/sarahanntherapy/

James' wisdom is both ancient and forward-thinking. He reconnects us to the teachings of the past while helping us see the agency we have in our day-to-day lives to create the future we want to see.

In this discussion, we cover how to harness our intuition and how creativity is essentially bringing into being something we haven't seen yet. The parallels to our parenting abound--how can we have faith in ourselves enough to trust the rightness we feel in the moment, and be buoyed by the belief that just because what we're building (whether that's writing a book or creating security in our attachments) can't be seen yet, it doesn't mean we aren't creating it. 

I joke that James is a "New Paradigm Preacher," and to me he really is. I deeply feel that we are being fire hosed in the face with information, and we need leadership and inspiration to adopt guiding principles that reframe our sense of ourselves and this world we live in. James' work affected my healing journey profoundly years ago, and I am honored to bring his work and wisdom to you. 

James is the author of "Sh*t Your Ego Says," "How to Laugh in Ironic Amusement at Your Existential Crisis," and the recently published "The Art of You; The Essential Guidebook for Reclaiming Your Creativity." James is a meme poet, thought leader, and digital mystic, and you can find his daily doses of humor, wit and wisdom at his Instagram account @wordsarevibrations. 

We can dream right? Actually, we can parent in a way around screens and tech in a way that builds connections, awareness, and self-regulation in our kiddos around tech and Ash Brandin is here to help us learn how to do it. 

Ash Brandin has been a teacher for the past 13 years and has blended their love and knowledge of children and tech on their instagram account @thegameeducator, where they provide the soothing much-needed messaging on how we can navigate screens, behavior and *our own needs* as parents. 

There are ten million questions we have about the tech, and while this conversation only answers some of them (like parental controls, dopamine hits, fast screen changes, risk factors for tech addiction), what it really provides is a much-needed guiding principle on how to shift our view of the tech (that ain't going anywhere y'all) and to focus on how we can support our children in learning how to navigate it while also balancing our own needs as parents in this village-less world. 

This, is what we must, do now. I hope this conversation provides some empowerment and a bit of an exhale around this tricky tricky topic!

You can access Ash's work and helpful goodness here: https://thegamereducator.com/

And here is the link to guide to make your child safer on Youtube: https://thegamereducator.com/2023/03/26/how-to-keep-kids-safer-on-youtube/

Child Neurologist Dr. Jorina Elbers is here to teach us how we can move ourselves into heart consciousness for our optimal nervous system health and impact in our parenting and lives. This work hits to the core of our Reprogramming, I could not be more aligned with her message and research.

Dr. Elbers brings us the latest research from the HeartMath Institute, an organization that has been scientifically researching the healing power of heart, so that individuals, families and organizations can enhance their life experiences using tools that enable them to better recognize and access their intuitive insights and heart intelligence. HeartMath tools are being used by top performance athletes, CEO's, and mental health professionals to optimize their performance, functioning, and health, and now we're bringing this goodness to parents!

This episode explains how our nervous system thrives, and how we can access that state in our moment to moment lives. Dr. Elbers also recently developed a parenting course for HeartMath, so this episode has her insights and recommendations on how to support our children's nervous system in the heat of hard moments.

This is one of my favorite episodes to date, I am so excited to bring these tools and insights to the parenting space and to you today.

Let's all do our work to "Feed the Field!" (you'll know what this means after listening).

If you ate interested in HeartMath's work, their website can be found here: https://www.heartmath.org/about-us/

Their parenting course can be found here: https://www.heartmath.com/training/heartmath-for-parents/

Dr. Elbers has a Holistic Integrative medical practice in Santa Cruz California, if you would like to learn more about her work: https://drelbers.com/

The incomparable Mary Van Geffen is here to help us parent our Spicy Ones, or know if we secretly are one too! Mary deeply understands the science of attachment and parenting, and provides such a soothing dose of wisdom, honesty, self-awareness and humor that can make you feel a little braver in whatever you're navigating in your body and in your relationships.

We talk about how our spiciest challenges in whatever form they come, are often the biggest invitation back Home to Ourselves, because that is truly where we have our greatest power and influence.

We talk about embodiment practices that we use, she provides journal prompts, we talk about tools to soothe nervous system (donkey breaths!), and even how she hacked her physiology on her lawn to prove her husband wrong.

Mary is such a light and this conversations GIVES.

If you feel called to work with her, she has many incredible offerings and ways to work with her on her website: https://www.maryvangeffen.com/

If you want to find out if you are parenting a Spicy One, take her quiz! https://www.maryvangeffen.com/quiz

You can also learn so much from her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen/

What if there was an evidence-based way to discipline and parent our children that builds their brains, their capacity for problem-solving, strengthens our attachment relationship and also reduced our mental load??

Y'ALL. Not even kidding, this exists, and Dr. Tamara Soles is here to tell us all about it. I heard her on a podcast in 2018 and it literally changed my life-- I started implementing these principles in my relationships with my own children (and the families that I work with). This approach shifts us out of power struggles, indecision, and places a healthy amount of agency and power in our children's hands because children don't learn by being told what to do, they learn by making decisions.

This approach prioritizes connection and collaboration, while holding high warmth and high boundaries.

Dr. Tamara Soles is a Psychologist, Parent Coach, Podcaster and mother of twins, who deeply understands child development and the brain, and honors all of this while holding in mind our capacity as modern parents with limited support and time. Her approach is refreshingly loving and sustainable, while also empowering us to support our children in becoming the confident, internally driven intuitive adults they are meant to become.

I am so excited to share her and her work with you!

If you would like to connect more with Dr. Tamara Soles, her website is https://drtamarasoles.com/

Today on the podcast we are going deep into aggression and how to support our children when their behavior manifests as such. Tosha deeply understands the neuroscience of safety, and how we can provide the felt experience first in our bodies and then in our relationship with our child.

This episode provides insights, empathy and many ideas that you can start to implement today for your sweet child who is struggling with aggression. 

Tosha is a parent coach, mom, author and runs her program Parenting Boys Peacefully, where she has laser focused in on how to support this specific highly challenging behavior. Tosha has collaborated with Dr. Shefali and has worked with families all over the world. If you feel called to work with Tosha, she is having a FREE Workshop called "Stop the Aggression," on March 12, link below:

https://parentingboyspeacefully.com/free-workshop/?affiliate=thereprogrammedparent

I know how hard aggressive behavior can be to manage and support. I've never seen anyone focus in on this topic quite like Toscha, she gives this area the attention, tools and support it deserves!