A reflective conversation with Gene Killian on why patience is the most underestimated skill in negotiation and how it shapes judgement, timing, and outcomes.
What We Explored in This Episode
In this episode ofThe Negotiation Club Podcast, Philip Brown (Founder of The Negotiation Club) is joined by Gene Killian—lawyer and host of the Station-4-Negotiation podcast, to explore the role of patience in effective negotiation.
Drawing on experience from both legal and commercial contexts, Gene challenges the idea that successful negotiation depends on clever techniques. Instead, the conversation centres on patience as a foundational principle that underpins sound judgement, trust, and long-term outcomes.
Techniques vs Principles in Negotiation
Gene explains that while techniques such as mirroring and labelling can be useful, they risk becoming mechanical or insincere if relied on too heavily. Techniques without grounding can feel forced and may damage credibility.
The discussion contrasts short-term, high-pressure negotiation environments with business and commercial negotiations, where patience enables deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and more sustainable agreements.
Why Patience Changes Negotiation Outcomes
A recurring theme is that rushing negotiations often leads to missed opportunities. Gene introduces the idea of trickle, flow, and gush to describe how information and progress emerge gradually when negotiators allow conversations to develop naturally.
By slowing down, negotiators create space to:
- Build rapport
- Surface underlying interests
- Discover options that are not visible at the outset
Patience is presented not as passivity, but as active engagement over time.
Understanding Before Being Understood
Philip and Gene return repeatedly to the importance of seeking to understand the other party before pushing one’s own position. Drawing on principles of empathetic listening, the episode highlights that patience involves asking thoughtful questions, listening beyond the words used, and resisting the urge to jump to conclusions.
This discipline helps negotiators move beyond surface statements and uncover what truly matters to the other side.
Responding Rather Than Reacting
Another key distinction explored is the difference between reacting and responding. Gene emphasises that patience allows negotiators to pause, reflect, and choose responses deliberately rather than reacting emotionally in tense moments.
Even when faced with aggressive behaviour, patience enables better analysis. Gene discusses how proportionate responses—sometimes firm, sometimes assertive—should be based on careful assessment rather than instinct, including insights drawn from game theory.
Turning Patience into Practice
To practise patience, start by deliberately slowing down your next negotiation. Resist the urge to close quickly or respond immediately.
Instead:
- Ask one more question before making a statement
- Pause before responding to pressure
- Reflect on why something was said, not just what was said
Used consistently, patience becomes a skill that improves judgement, reduces error, and opens up better outcomes over time.
