Welcome to the Naked and Unashamed Life with sex coach, Lucy Rowett! For your sexually authentic life, shameless sexual confidence, pleasure and deep satisfaction you’ve been craving. This podcast is for you if you are sexually curious, if you want to deconstruct your beliefs around sex, embrace your full sexual, erotic, and human potential, and want to create a sex and love life that lights you up from the inside.
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#44: Still Deconstructing: A Review of When the Music Fades by Lucy Sixsmith, Soul Survivor, Mike Pilavachi, and British Evangelicalism
Episode 44
Wednesday, June 10, 2026 • Duration 57:32
Content note: This episode contains references to emotional and sexual abuse (in passing), religious trauma, and faith deconstruction. Listen with care — or skip it and make yourself a very large cup of tea.
If you grew up in the British evangelical world in the 2000s; Soul Survivor festivals, worship tents, Saturday night cry sessions, this one's for you.
I'm back (sort of-- still technically on maternity leave, still recording voice notes on my phone while my baby naps) with an episode that surprised even me in how much it brought up.
I'm reviewing the book When the Music Fades, by Lucy Sixsmith: a book about the Soul Survivor generation, power, surrender, and the long shadow of Mike Pilavachi.
Here's what I cover:
Why I'm still on maternity leave
Who this episode is for: British millennial and Gen Z ex-vangelicals or still in the Faith, Soul Survivor alumni, the deconstructing, the adjacent, and the "not sure where I fit anymore"
The Mike Pilavachi safeguarding investigation in 2023, what came out, and why people were shocked but not entirely surprised
Why I recommend the book even to people still within faith
How Soul Survivor shaped not just individual faith but the entire British evangelical and Christian culture
The cross-pollination of evangelical culture across youth groups, camps and festivals, including a reference to my own chapter in the Routledge Handbook on Compulsive Sexual Behaviour and Clinical Sexology edited by Silva Neves
How the constant message of "empty yourself, you are nothing" was psychologically damaging, especially for teenagers whose prefrontal cortexes weren't even fully formed yet and zero life experience
How Mike's "average bloke" persona masked very real coercive power dynamics
How the songs we sang everywhere were shaped by emotional manipulation and how that shaped our beliefs
Who actually benefits from surrender culture, and why the same question applies to spiritual cults, tantra cults, and Tony Robbins events
Manufactured emotion, peak states, and why chasing the next breakthrough doesn't work for healing
My own experience with ME/CFS, being prayed over, and choosing getting better over being a good Christian
The chocolate cake analogy, unqualified sex talks, and how purity culture messaging shows up in adult women's bodies
What the next generation's deconstruction might look like and what new version of Soul Survivor will come out
Did purity culture leave you feeling numb in your body, unsure what you even want, or hitting a wall when your partner asks what feels good? My From Numb to Pleasure course bundle was made for exactly this.
These courses are about building that capacity back, on your own terms, at your own pace.
#43: 5 Real Ways to Release Purity Culture Conditioning
Episode 43
Friday, December 12, 2025 • Duration 36:50
For the ex purity culture folk, this is for you. I've been asked this in various different places so now I created an episode for you.
How DO you release purity culture messaging from your body and mind? As in-- real tangible, practical things? Let's explore.
(Yes the title is clickbait, I hope you'll forgive me. There's no ONE way to do this work.)
This episode explores how purity culture conditioning shows up in the body, sexuality, and sense of self — and why you DON'T need to be fully healed or free from every last message before experiencing real pleasure, intimacy, and joy. I challenge the perfectionistic healing narrative that often mirrors the same black-and-white thinking found in purity culture itself.
I cover:
How to release or reframe the shame-based messages absorbed from purity culture and conservative Christianity?
Critiquing of “healing culture” and how it mirrors purity culture by insisting that ALL trauma must be healed before you feel whole.
A reframe: wholeness and pleasure are accessible now, even with all your conditioning still present.
How the body naturally brings up what is ready to heal — eliminating the need to dig aggressively through trauma.
Idea #1: Community: validating ex-vangelical spaces like Reddit forums, creators, or groups-- but guard your energy and avoid highly negative forums.
Idea #2: Reframing: using writing or CBT-style exercises to identify gnarly deeply internalized beliefs and explore new interpretations.
Idea #3: Ritual: props, prompts, spiritual practices, whatever (alone or in groups) to release old messages and signal to the subconscious.
Idea #4: Journaling: it could be morning pages, helping surface unconscious purity-culture teachings in a gentle, organic way.
Idea #5: Education + Embodiment: learning real sex education, exploring sex-positive spaces, and engaging in embodied practices that reconnect pleasure with safety.
That releasing purity culture isn’t a one-step process: but pleasure, desire, and sexual confidence do not require being “fully healed."
#42: Why Pleasure Is Possible for You (Even if You Feel Nothing Now)
Episode 42
Monday, December 1, 2025 • Duration 30:26
In this episode, I explore what it really means when you do practices like Hand Heart Vulva or Feel Again -- or any tantric, embodiment, or self-connection work -- and instead of pleasure, you feel numbness, blankness, or just... nothing. I unpack why numbness is not a sign of failure but often a sign your body is giving you real, usable information.
We dive into cultural conditioning, physiology, the freeze response, and how numbness often reflects your nervous system trying to protect you. You’ll learn why the goal isn't to force sensation, but to meet your body with curiosity, slowness, and tenderness.
Ready to dive in?
I cover:
Why cultural and personal conditioning often create low awareness in the vulva, making numbness extremely common.
Why many people respond to numbness by trying harder (clenching, pressing, forcing), which reduces sensation further.
Vulvas are culturally hidden and stigmatized, contributing to disconnection, shame, and lack of embodied awareness.
Physiological factors such as pelvic floor tension, pain, low blood flow, childbirth effects, or nerve issues can contribute.
Numbness is still a sensation — awareness of numbness is progress and offers useful data.
The freeze response (explained through polyvagal theory) often underlies numbness, functioning as a protective mechanism.
Freeze contains high amounts of undischarged energy or emotion, even if it feels like “nothing.”
Somatic theory emphasises the body’s natural drive toward completion and resolution when given space and gentleness.
Self-compassion, slowness, tenderness, and attuned self-touch help thaw numbness more effectively than force.
Numbness may reflect past trauma, current stressors, physiological realities, or a mix — and none of it means you’re broken.
If you’re feeling numb or disconnected from your body, make sure to download my free Feel Again practice. It's a gentle guided vulva-connection meditation that helps you come back into your body with slowness, and tenderness.
#41: What I’m Actually Doing to Nourish My Libido While Pregnant, Tired, and Just... A Lot Happening
Episode 41
Friday, October 31, 2025 • Duration 27:19
Alternative titles: "Tea, Smut, and Shaking My Arse: My Real-Life Libido Practices"?! or "Why I’m Not Forcing My Libido — and What I’m Doing Instead"
In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain and talking honestly about how I’m nourishing my own libido right now-- in a season of pregnancy, big life transitions, and lower capacity.
Because it’s easy to look at a “sexpert” online and assume they’ve got it all sorted, but I’m taking myself off that pedestal. I’m a real human with a real body, and my libido ebbs and flows just like anyone else’s.
This episode is for you if you’re going through a rough time: illness, grief, depression, stress, relationship issues, or simply life being lifey-- and your desire feels low or far away.
I talk about what it means to honour those low-libido seasons with compassion, gentleness, and real-world nourishment instead of pressure or shame.
In this episode I cover:
Why I wanted to record this episode — real talk about nourishing libido in the middle of pregnancy, exhaustion, and big transitions.
Taking myself off the “sexpert” pedestal and showing that even as a sexologist, I have slow, low-libido seasons too.
Letting go of pressure and guilt — not expecting myself to be constantly turned on or performative.
Understanding libido as cyclical and seasonal, not something that’s broken or needs fixing.
How I’m embracing slowness, presence, and sensuality instead of pushing for more.
The importance of safety, nourishment, and stability for desire — starting with simple, real-world self-care.
Reclaiming sensuality from the myth that it’s all about sex or orgasms.
Allowing fantasy, imagination, and playfulness to feed desire without shame.
What self-pleasure means for me right now — gentle, spontaneous, and restorative.
Keeping intimacy gentle and pressure-free in my relationship.
#40: The Want Walk: A Deceptively Simple Practice That Unlocks Your Sexual Desires
Episode 40
Thursday, October 23, 2025 • Duration 19:54
Ever found yourself saying, "I don't know what I want!!"-- be it in bed, in love, or in your life? Try this deceptively simple yet powerful practice I call the "Want Walk" .
Designed to help you reconnect with your desires, especially if you've spent years prioritizing everybody else's needs over your own. This practice is particularly valuable for women and vulva owners who feel disconnected from their sexuality or don't know what they want in bed.
In this episode I cover:
Introduction to the Want Walk - Perfect for when you're thinking "I don't know what I want sexually"
Who this practice is for - If you've been the "good woman," put everyone's needs first, feel numb during intimacy exercises, or simply don't know what you want anymore
Why our "want muscles" atrophy - How being neurodivergent, highly sensitive, from traumatic backgrounds, or simply being socialized as a woman can disconnect us from our wants, needs, and boundaries
How to do a Want Walk
The bilateral movement benefit - How walking activates both sides of your brain through bilateral stimulation, helping process emotions and thoughts
Using your body as a tuning fork - Check in with yourself as you voice your wants - does it feel accurate? Is there something you want even more?
Following your impulses - Practice acting on small impulses during your walk (like walking toward a tree) to rebuild those neural pathways
Variations on the practice - Try a "want journal," "want dance," "want bath," or even a "want w//nk"
Playing "Want Tennis" with a partner - How you can practice this exercise with a friend or partner
The multiple benefits - This practice helps with creative blocks, relationship blocks, emotional blocks, and tuning into your intuition
Making it sexual - How to use this as a sexy want walk to explore your fantasies and desires (safely, in your imagination)
The fear of wanting - What if you want things that could radically change your life? What if you want to leave your relationship?
Permission to fantasize - It's okay to be attracted to or fantasize about someone who isn't your partner - fantasy doesn't equal action
#39: When Tantra, Toys, or Sex Coaching Didn’t Work (And Why You’re Not Broken)
Episode 39
Wednesday, October 8, 2025 • Duration 41:38
This episode is for you if you’ve tried tantric massage, yoni eggs, crystal wands sex coaching, or all the toys... and it just didn’t work. I explain possibly why they didn't, why you're not broken, and how I work instead.
I share why your body might resist erotic practices and how that resistance is actually protection, not failure.
In this episode I cover:
How frustrating and shame-inducing it can feel when sex becomes a chore instead of a source of pleasure.
How seeing all the “multi-orgasmic tantric goddess” content on Instagram can make you feel even more broken when your body just says “nope.”
Why these tools or techniques might not have worked for you -- especially if you come from purity culture, a religious or traumatic background, or just years of feeling disconnected from your body.
My own experience with chronic illness and how I learned to listen to the part of me that resisted healing.
How resistance, numbness, or shutdown are actually protective responses, not failures.
How your body may still associate sex and pleasure with danger, and why advice like “just masturbate more” often misses the point.
How so many of us — especially women — were conditioned to override our needs and to ignore our “no.”
Why learning where your true yes and no live in your body is foundational for sexual healing.
I invite you to befriend your numbness, to listen to the silence, and to trust that it’s full of information and wisdom.
How purity culture, misogyny, and a hyper-sexualized society both feed our shame and distort what “liberation” should look like.
Why being told to do things like go to a swingers club or buy a crystal wand can feel off -- and why that’s okay.
Agency, consent, and reclaiming your sexuality on your own terms.
Social media censorship and how women’s voices around sexuality are still being silenced.
You are not broken, your body holds deep wisdom, and your pleasure is yours to reclaim.
Quotes:
"The part of you that resists healing is not your enemy—it’s where the gold is."
#38: Are You Overcomplicating Your Low Libido? (Yes, Yes You Are)
Episode 38
Monday, September 15, 2025 • Duration 36:34
If you've been going round and round in your head about how to fix your low libido, this episode is for you.
In this episode, I explore why we tend to overcomplicate libido and desire, and offer a completely different view on understanding your relationship with intimacy and pleasure.
Episode summary:
Redefining libido beyond just feeling horny- Moving away from the myth that libido must mean an irrepressible urge for sex
Sociosexual scripts and cultural conditioning - How society's narrow definition of what counts "normal" sex means you're already blocking yourself
When you're having "duty sex"
Understanding your upbringing and conditioning around sex
The difference between spontaneous vs responsive desire - Understanding that waiting for spontaneous horniness is an unreliable marker for great intimacy
Thinking about your libido as the "canary in the coal mine" - Viewing low libido as your body signaling something needs support rather than something broken
What can block your desire and why
What feeds desire
The importance of context - The mental load, gender roles, patriarchy, household dynamics, and creating the right environment for bonking
A client story
When you're highly sensitive and sensory
Education and models of desire - Overview of research from the Kinsey Institute on different types of desire patterns
Quotes:"Waiting for your libido to arrive magically in order to have great sex is a really unreliable marker - it's like wanting to make a million quid but waiting to win the lottery instead of creating a business plan."
"We still live in a world where female sexuality and women's bodies are something that we give. Sex is something we give, not something we enjoy and experience."
"How much has duty sex played into your intimate life, where sex was something you gave alongside all the many other things you've given? Your body and vagina is just another thing that you give - or as one of my mentors said, you're caretaking your husband with your vagina."Come to my new masterclass for women and vulva owners: Reignite Your Desire on September 23rd. It's recorded if you can't come live:Other episodes mentioned:
#37: [Part 2] Your Body Isn’t Broken: Trauma-Informed Pelvic Care and Medical Advocacy with Dr. Angela Wright
Episode 37
Wednesday, June 11, 2025 • Duration 36:21
In this powerful follow-up to Part 1, I’m joined again by Dr. Angela Wright—trauma-informed medical doctor and clinical sexologist—for a raw, compassionate, and deeply necessary conversation on trauma-informed medical care, especially when it comes to pelvic exams and gynecological procedures.
We explore how traditional medicine often fails to take trauma, consent, and nervous system regulation into account, and how this seriously harms patients, especially women and neurodivergent folks.
We also talk about our own experiences in medical settings, and why we're creating a workshop to help patients advocate for themselves, especially in vulnerable exams.
What we cover in this episode:
▶️ Why most medical care (especially gynecological care) is not trauma-informed—and why that’s a huge problem
▶️What a trauma-informed pelvic exam actually looks like in practice (and why it doesn't need to be complicated or require hours of extra training for practitioners to do it.)
▶️How medical power dynamics and the “fawn response” show up for patients
▶️Our personal experiences navigating uncomfortable or disempowering pelvic procedures – including my experiencing having a HyCoSy scan and what they bloody well should have done better (no pain relief offered, and strapping my legs into the stirrups did not make me feel safer, it was the opposite)
▶️Why clinicians need to stop assuming patients are “non-compliant” and start asking WHY
▶️Advocating for yourself before, during, and after medical exams—even if you’re nervous or freeze up
▶️The importance of bodily autonomy and informed choice in healthcare
▶️Why trauma-informed care is not just “nice to have”—it’s essential
▶️Why we’re launching a patient-focused workshop on how to advocate for yourself in medical settings (waitlist link below!)
💡 If you’ve ever felt dismissed, retraumatized, or powerless in a medical setting—this one’s for you.
SIGN UP HERE FOR THE WORKSHOP:
#36: [Part 1] Your Body Isn't Broken: Hormones, Trauma, and Neurodivergence with Dr. Angela Wright
Episode 36
Thursday, June 5, 2025 • Duration 43:47
In this deeply honest and validating conversation, I'm joined by my friend and colleague Dr. Angela Wright, a trauma-informed medical doctor and clinical sexologist—for a no-holds-barred exploration of hormonal sensitivity, PMDD, menopause, ADHD, neurodivergence, chronic illness, the invisible ways trauma shows up in our medical stories, and making medical care trauma informed.
We’re both neurodivergent, we both have “wonky bodies,” and both have been through the wringer of navigating a medical system that often gaslights or overlooks people like us.
In Part 1, we share some of our own medical histories, lived experiences, and the patterns we’ve seen again and again in neurodivergent, hormonally sensitive people– especially those who’ve been told, implicitly or explicitly, that their body is the problem.
In this episode we cover:
▶️ What “hormonal sensitivity” actually means, and how it shows up in conditions like PMDD, menopause, and perinatal mental health
▶️The deep overlap between neurodivergence (especially ADHD and autism), chronic illness, and hormone-related symptoms
▶️Why so many women and AFAB people are misdiagnosed, dismissed, or given fragmented care
▶️Our personal experiences of navigating the medical system as neurodivergent, “wonky bodied”, hormonally sensitive individuals
▶️How trauma and a dysregulated nervous system shape medical experiences—and what doctors often miss
▶️When you’re hyper-aware of your body’s internal state and the impact that has
▶️Why vaginal estrogen is still misunderstood (even by many doctors), the harm that causes, and why we need to use it on the clitoris too
▶️If you can use vaginal estrogen after you’ve had breast cancer, or not
▶️How HRT needs to be adapted for hormone-sensitive patients—and why a one-size-fits-all approach fails
▶️Why the medical system desperately needs a trauma-informed, collaborative model of care
#35: Why Relaxed Orgasms Might Blow Your Mind
Episode 35
Wednesday, May 21, 2025 • Duration 22:36
Discover the pleasure potential your sex ed never taught you by doing the exact opposite of what you usually do in sex: relaaaaaxxxx into pleasure and orgasms.
I recorded this as a voicenote as I walked in the park and I know this knowledge will change your life.
In this episode to celebrate Masturbation Month, I cover:
The difference between relaxed pleasure and excited pleasure
Relaxed orgasms vs tension orgasms
Learning how to relax into your orgasm is the secret to having orgasms more easily
Letting go of the need to perform and getting stuck in your head
When you feel overstimulated and are used to living a high intensity life, learning to relax can feel like a threat-- and that's ok!
Why you need to slooooow down rather than speed up
Sex as meditation
Practising feeling pleasure rather than trying to chase it
If you want to have your very first orgasm, more consistent and reliable orgasms, or orgasms that just feel easy and not like squeezing blood from a stone, then you need to enroll yourself in my signature e-course for women and v havers: Orgasmic Liberation
For the whole of May you get 50% off to celebrate Masturbation Month.
If you resonate with this episode and want deeper support, my course sale bundles are now live — and extended. These are powerful, transformation-focused collections of my most loved courses:
✨ Bundle 1: The Complete Intimacy Reset
All 4 courses in the full intimacy reboot series — ideal if you want a total, foundations-to-pleasure transformation.
[Closed until April 2026 because I'm having a BABY!]
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
It’s completely free, and you’ll get instant access plus ongoing support via my mailing list. Get it here: https://lucyrowett.com/heart-v-integration-practice/
If you resonate with this episode and want deeper support, my Black Friday bundles are now live — and only available until Thursday, December 4th. These are powerful, transformation-focused collections of my most loved courses:
✨ Bundle 1: The Complete Intimacy Reset
All 4 courses in the full intimacy reboot series — ideal if you want a total, foundations-to-pleasure transformation.
These bundles are the most affordable way to work with my full body of teaching — and they’re only here until December 4, 2025.
---
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
The medicine of movement, dancing, and fun for reconnecting to life force.
Why low-libido seasons during illness, grief, or stress are completely normal — and what it means to meet yourself with compassion instead of judgment.
A reminder that libido grows from safety, nourishment, and humanness — not performance or perfection.
For real, practical support to nourish your own libido-- because even in a hard time of life, you don't have to shut down your sexuality completely-- enroll in Reignite Your Desire Masterclass here.
Simple, practical, and most of all-- EASY to implement into your real life.
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
You don't have to act on every want - Sometimes just acknowledging and allowing the desire to breathe is enough
Savoring the sensation of wanting - Practice enjoying that delicious erotic tension and the feeling of desire itself
If your libido has tanked and you’re tired of fluffy advice that doesn’t work, Reignite Your Desire gives you a clear, no-BS roadmap to getting your spark back. In less than 90 minutes, you’ll understand what’s really going on — and discover practical, doable ways to feel turned on by life (and yourself) again.
For the shameless sexual confidence, pleasure and deep satisfaction you’ve been craving, head here: https://lucyrowett.com/
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
"Your numbness, your shutdown, your freeze—they’re not failures. They’re your body trying to keep you safe.”
🔥 If your libido has tanked and you’re tired of fluffy advice that doesn’t work, Reignite Your Desire gives you a clear, no-BS roadmap to getting your spark back. In less than 90 minutes, you’ll understand what’s really going on-- and discover practical, doable ways to feel turned on by life (and yourself) again.
Want to learn how to have more consistent and reliable orgasms, or your very first one? Enroll in my signature course to help women and vulva owners have orgasms, Orgasmic Liberation here: https://lucyrowett.com/o-liberation-e-course/
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
▶️The importance of redefining what “health” means—beyond just physical or mental symptoms
💡 Expect truth-telling, laughter, science, swearing, and moments that might make you feel seen in ways you didn’t know you needed.
👉 At the end of the episode, you’ll hear about our upcoming workshop on advocating for yourself in medical settings—designed especially for people who are used to being dismissed or misunderstood.
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
Unlock your sexual happiness with Beducated. Get access to 100+ raw and honest courses on sex, led by the world’s top experts. You’ll find fresh new content every month.
Get 25% off your annual subscription here, use the code LUCYROWETT25 at the checkout to get it: https://bit.ly/BeducatedLR25
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