Explore every episode of the podcast THE MEN'S SELF HELP PODCAST

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores the hidden cost of chronic people-pleasing and why it often goes unnoticed in men.

What looks like being dependable, hardworking, loyal, or simply being a good guy may actually be a learned strategy for avoiding guilt, conflict, disappointment, or the fear of letting someone down.

You'll discover six practical steps for recognizing the pattern, creating a pause before automatically agreeing, setting clearer boundaries, and tolerating the discomfort that can follow when you begin using the word no.

Dr. John also responds to a listener named Chris, who worries that declining invitations from his friends could eventually cause him to lose his place in the group.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• Why every yes has a cost

• How people-pleasing can show up differently in men

• The connection between approval, identity, and automatic agreement

• How early experiences can shape the need to keep others happy

• Why cognitive rehearsal can make saying no easier

• How to pause before committing to something

• How to say no without overexplaining or apologizing

• Why another person's disappointment does not automatically mean you did something wrong

• How distress tolerance can help you maintain a healthy boundary

• Why asking "What do I want?" can become an important ongoing practice

Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.

Dr. John discusses cognitive rehearsal and the value of practicing assertive responses before you need them in real life. The Assertiveness Workbook offers practical exercises for developing clearer communication, setting boundaries, and becoming more comfortable with assertiveness.

Amazon: https://amzn.to/4crv5aR

Dr. John recommends this classic assertiveness book while responding to listener Chris, who struggles with saying no without feeling guilty or worrying about disappointing others. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty offers practical strategies for communicating more assertively, setting limits, and handling the guilt or pressure that can come when you stop automatically saying yes.

Amazon: https://amzn.to/4zou1OM

Do you have a question you would like Dr. John to consider for a future listener-email segment?

Submit it through the contact form below. Dr. John reads every message that comes through, although not every question can be featured on the podcast.

https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/

Listener messages featured on the podcast are shared with permission. Names and identifying details may be changed to protect privacy, and messages may be edited for length and clarity. A synthesized voice may also be used when reading an email.

If you've found value in this podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can do so through Buy Me a Coffee.

Your support helps cover production costs, hosting, editing, and future episodes of The Men's Self-Help Podcast.

👉 https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not therapy and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or professional mental health treatment. If you are struggling, please contact a qualified professional where you live.

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Want to challenge an unhelpful thought and look at it from a more balanced perspective? Dr. John created a free Thought Court worksheet you can download and use on your own. The accompanying Guy Counseling guide walks you through the exercise step by step.

No signup. No email address. No strings attached. Just grab it and use it if it's helpful.

Download the Free Thought Court Worksheet + How-To Guide

Produced by Dr. John Moore with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

What happens when someone you love says the one thing about your body you were already afraid might be true?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John is joined by Jack to talk about an email from a 23-year-old listener whose girlfriend told him during a heated moment that she had wanted to break up with him because his penis was too small. She had been drinking and later apologized, but the relationship ultimately ended. We're talking about penis size anxiety, worries about not being "big" enough. 

This episode is sponsored by Better Help.

The conversation opens into a much larger issue that many men quietly struggle with: penis-size anxiety and male body image.

Dr. John and Jack talk about how a painful comment can attach itself to an existing insecurity, why body anxiety isn't just a women's issue, and how shame can eventually lead some men to avoid dating, sex, nudity, and intimacy altogether. Dr. John also shares the story of a former client whose anxiety about his penis became so powerful that he would apologize to partners before having sex.

The episode explores an important question: How do you keep someone else's judgment about your body from becoming your own?

• Penis-size anxiety and male body image
• What can happen when a partner targets an existing insecurity
• Why an apology doesn't necessarily make you forget what was said
• How negative self-talk can reinforce body shame
• The connection between shame, avoidance, and intimacy
• Why men may struggle silently with body-image concerns
• How one painful experience can begin affecting future relationships

Dr. John recommends the book: The Penis Book: A Doctor's Complete Guide to the Penis--From Size to Function and Everything in Between. See Amazon.

Dr. John and Jack also discuss a related Couples Counseling Chicago article about another man's experience after his girlfriend made a painful comment about his penis size during intimacy.

My Girlfriend Said My Penis Is Too Small

Somebody else's words are not your inheritance. What they said in that moment — that's their lens, their history, their stuff. It doesn't get to live in your body rent-free. You get to decide what you carry forward and what you set back down. So set it down. Take that with you.

Want to challenge an unhelpful thought and look at it from a more balanced perspective? Dr. John created a free Thought Court worksheet you can download and use on your own. The accompanying Guy Counseling guide walks you through the exercise step by step.

No signup. No email address. No strings attached. Just grab it and use it if it's helpful.

Download the Free Thought Court Worksheet + How-To Guide

If you would like to contact the show with a question or submit a listener email, you can visit the pod's website Guy Counseling. Use this link for the contact form.

Keep in mind we get a lot of email and not all questions will be featured on the pod. When you write, please let us know if we have your permission to feature your question. Identifying information may be changed to protect privacy.

👉 Facebook Guy Counseling

👉 Instagram Guy Counseling

If you've found value in this podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can do so through Buy Me a Coffee.

Your support helps cover production costs, hosting, editing, and future episodes of The Men's Self-Help Podcast.

👉 https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not therapy and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or professional mental health treatment. If you are struggling, please contact a qualified professional where you live.

This episode may include paid sponsorships or affiliate links. If you make a purchase, sign up for a service, or take another qualifying action through one of these links, The Men's Self-Help Podcast may receive compensation at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Sponsors and recommended resources may vary by episode.

Written and produced by Dr. John Moore, with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

What does it really mean to have your life together?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores 10 habits of men who have their sh*t together and what getting your life together actually looks like in the real world.

Drawing on more than two decades of clinical experience in men's work, Dr. John breaks down practical habits for men focused on self-improvement, personal growth, stronger relationships, better sleep, and creating a life that feels more grounded.

This isn't the Instagram version of having your life together. It's about defining success on your own terms, keeping promises to yourself, protecting your sleep, maintaining friendships, taking responsibility for your choices, and knowing when to ask for help.

Whether you're already practicing some of these habits or feel like you're starting from scratch, this episode offers a practical roadmap you can begin using this week.

• What it really means to have your life together
• Why defining success on your own terms matters
• The importance of keeping promises to yourself
• Why protecting your sleep is part of getting your life together
• How grounded men build habits that hold up under pressure
• Why maintaining friendships and important relationships matters
• The role of personal responsibility in self-improvement
• Why asking for help can be a sign of strength
• How small, consistent choices can shape the direction of your life
• Practical ways to start getting your life together this week

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Head to https://betterhelp.com/guycounseling to get 10% off your first month of therapy.

Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.

Referenced in the discussion of Habit 2, keeping promises to yourself. Directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Jodie Foster.

Watch the trailer on YouTube

Recommended in the discussion of Habit 4, protecting your sleep. Dr. John has recommended this book to clients over the years with strong results.

Find it on Amazon

Referenced in the discussion of Habit 7, maintaining relationships. This long-running study has followed participants across decades and has highlighted the importance of strong relationships for long-term health and well-being.

Learn more about the Harvard Study of Adult Development

Have a question you'd like Dr. John to answer on a future episode? Send it through the Guy Counseling contact form:

https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/

If your question is selected, identifying details may be changed to protect your privacy, and it may be read using a synthesized voice.

If you're enjoying The Men's Self-Help Podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can buy Dr. John a coffee here:

https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

👉 Facebook Guy Counseling

👉 Instagram Guy Counseling

Want to challenge an unhelpful thought and look at it from a more balanced perspective? Dr. John created a free Thought Court worksheet you can download and use on your own. The accompanying Guy Counseling guide walks you through the exercise step by step.

No signup. No email address. No strings attached. Just grab it and use it if it's helpful.

Download the Free Thought Court Worksheet + How-To Guide

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for individualized support.

Produced by Dr. John Moore with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

What happens when you want sex more often than your partner—or when your partner seems to want it more than you do?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John is joined by Guy Counseling contributing writer Jack for a candid conversation about mismatched sex drives in relationships.

They explore why differences in sexual desire are so common and why they don't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your relationship. The conversation also gets into stress and libido, feeling rejected when your partner says no, and an important distinction that often gets overlooked: wanting sex and being comfortable initiating sex aren't necessarily the same thing.

John and Jack also tackle a question plenty of couples probably wonder about but may not talk about openly: Can masturbation help when partners have different sex drives, and where does adult video fit into the picture?

Other topics include scheduling intimacy, sexual "accelerators" and "brakes," nonsexual touch, emotional safety, and approaching sex as an invitation rather than a demand.

📚 Book Recommendation

The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis

Dr. John recommends this book for its real-world look at couples struggling with significant differences in sexual desire and the ways those differences can affect intimacy and relationships.

Amazon: https://amzn.to/4hEUzoL

As an Amazon Associate, we may earn from qualifying purchases.

🔗 Resources & Further Reading

How to Handle Mismatched Libidos in a Relationship — AskMen
The article that helped spark today's conversation, exploring desire discrepancies and ways couples can navigate them.

https://www.askmen.com/dating/relationship-advice/how-to-handle-mismatched-libidos-in-a-relationship.html

How Stress Can Lead to Low Libido — Verywell Mind
More about the relationship between chronic stress and reduced sexual desire.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-stress-can-lead-to-low-libido-3145029

Why Your Girlfriend Never Initiates Sex — Guy Counseling
Dr. John explores why rarely initiating sex doesn't necessarily mean someone lacks sexual desire or attraction.

My girlfriend never initiates sex

Contact The Show

If you would like to contact the show with a question or submit a listener email, you can visit the pod's website Guy Counseling. Use this link for the contact form. 

Keep in mind we get a lot of email and not all questions will be featured on the pod. When you write, please let us know if we have your permission to feature your question. Identifying information may be changed to protect privacy. 

 Affiliate & Sponsor Disclosure

This episode may include paid sponsorships or affiliate links. If you make a purchase, sign up for a service, or take another qualifying action through one of these links, The Men's Self-Help Podcast may receive compensation at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Sponsors and recommended resources may vary by episode.

Follow On Social Media

👉 Facebook Guy Counseling

👉 Instagram Guy Counseling

 Support the Show ☕

If you've found value in this podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can do so through Buy Me a Coffee.

Your support helps cover production costs, hosting, editing, and future episodes of The Men's Self-Help Podcast.

👉 https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

What does it actually look like when a man has his life in order?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore draws on more than two decades of clinical experience in men's work to break down ten habits shared by men who are genuinely grounded — not the Instagram version, but the real thing.

From defining success on your own terms to protecting your sleep, maintaining friendships, and knowing when to ask for help, these are the habits that hold up under pressure. Dr. John draws on his clinical experience as a licensed therapist in Chicago to bring each one to life with honesty, humor, and a few unexpected detours along the way.

Whether you're already doing a few of these or starting from scratch, this episode offers a practical roadmap you can begin using this week.

Sponsor

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Head to https://betterhelp.com/guycounseling to get 10% off your first month of therapy.

Resources Mentioned

Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.

Contact (1997) — Trailer

Referenced in the discussion of Habit 2, keeping promises to yourself. Directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Jodie Foster.

Watch the trailer on YouTube

The Insomnia Breakthrough by Katherine Coleman

Recommended in the discussion of Habit 4, protecting your sleep. Dr. John has recommended this book to clients over the years with strong results.

https://amzn.to/4fVTVC0

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Referenced in the discussion of Habit 7, maintaining relationships. This long-running study has followed participants across decades and has highlighted the importance of strong relationships for long-term health and well-being.

Learn more about the Harvard Study of Adult Development

Thought Court Worksheet

Want to challenge an unhelpful thought and look at it from a more balanced perspective? Dr. John created a free Thought Court worksheet you can download and use on your own. The accompanying Guy Counseling guide walks you through the exercise step by step.

No signup. No email address. No strings attached. Just grab it and use it if it's helpful.

👉 https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/

Have a Question for the Podcast?

Have a question you'd like me to answer on a future episode? Send it through the Guy Counseling contact form:

https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/

If your question is selected, identifying details may be changed to protect your privacy, and it may be read using a synthesized voice.

Support the Show — Buy Me a Coffee!

If you're enjoying The Men's Self-Help Podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can buy me a coffee here:

https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

Follow on Social Media

👉 Facebook — Guy Counseling
https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/

👉 Instagram — Guy Counseling
https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for individualized support.

 Production Notes

Written and produced by Dr. John Moore, with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

Do you constantly tell yourself you should be doing better, that you must have everything figured out, or that life ought to be different?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores the psychology of musterbation — the rigid musts, shoulds, and oughts that can put enormous pressure on us and make it harder to deal with everyday life.

The concept comes from psychologist Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). You'll discover how this kind of rigid self-talk can quietly fuel anxiety, guilt, anger, shame, perfectionism, and emotional exhaustion.

Dr. John walks through a practical three-step approach for challenging these destructive internal rules and replacing them with more flexible ways of thinking.

You'll also hear from Matt, a listener who isn't sure he's ready to marry the woman he's been dating. Dr. John discusses the difference between outside pressure and genuine readiness, why unresolved conflict deserves attention, and how premarital counseling can help couples approach one of life's biggest decisions with greater clarity.

Whether you're struggling with perfectionism, relationships, negative self-talk, or impossible expectations, this episode offers practical psychological tools you can begin using today.

• What psychologist Albert Ellis meant by "musterbation"

• How musts, shoulds, and oughts can create unnecessary emotional pressure

• The basics of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

• How rigid thinking can contribute to anxiety, guilt, anger, and shame

• Why perfectionism often involves unrealistic internal rules

• How to identify the musts and shoulds hiding in your self-talk

• A practical three-step approach for challenging rigid beliefs

• How to replace demands with more flexible thinking

• The difference between relationship pressure and genuine readiness for marriage

• How premarital counseling can help couples make more informed decisions

Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Head to https://betterhelp.com/guycounseling to get 10% off your first month with our sponsor, BetterHelp. Therapy can be a meaningful space to reflect, grow, and create positive change in your life.

Some of the links below are affiliate links. If you make a qualifying purchase through one of these links, Guy Counseling may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for helping support the independent production of this podcast.

Use this worksheet to explore the ABC model commonly associated with REBT and examine the connection between beliefs and emotional or behavioral consequences.

ABC Model for REBT Worksheet

Learn what couples typically discuss during a structured premarital counseling program, including communication, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, family expectations, and future planning.

Chicago Premarital Counseling Program

A resource for couples considering marriage and thinking through important questions before making a lifelong commitment.

Find it on Amazon

Have a question you'd like Dr. John to answer on a future episode? Send it through the Guy Counseling contact form:

https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/

If your question is selected, identifying details may be changed to protect your privacy, and it may be read using a synthesized voice.

If you're enjoying The Men's Self-Help Podcast and would like to help support its independent production, you can buy Dr. John a coffee here:

https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for individualized support.

Written and produced by Dr. John Moore, with Joel Oliver (audio) and editorial contributors. Artwork by Adobe Firefly; sounds by Pixabay. Episodes may combine live recording, voice models, and synthesized audio for listener questions, production efficiency, and contributor privacy.

Have you ever finally gotten a chance to relax—only to discover that you can't handle the quiet?

In Episode 47 of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores why stillness can feel strangely uncomfortable in a world filled with notifications, headlines, endless scrolling, and constant demands for our attention.

Drawing from a personal experience in Puerto Rico, Dr. John explains how repeated stimulation can leave the nervous system stuck on alert. Even when nothing is wrong, the brain may interpret quiet as unfamiliar—and therefore suspicious.

You'll learn why the amygdala acts like a smoke alarm that sometimes struggles to distinguish a real emergency from everyday "burnt toast." You'll also hear about the brain's default mode network and the important work that may occur when you stop actively doing and allow your mind to settle.

The episode also explores what contemplative traditions have understood for centuries: stillness is not empty. It can create room for memories to organize, emotions to surface, ideas to connect, and clarity to emerge.

Dr. John concludes with one simple challenge: place your phone in another room and spend five minutes sitting in the nothing. When the restlessness appears, don't treat it as failure. Treat it as the repetition that helps teach your nervous system that quiet can be safe.

Today's sponsor

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

BetterHelp offers online access to licensed therapists with experience in areas such as anxiety, depression, relationships, career concerns, and other challenges.

Learn more and get started at:

https://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling

This is an affiliate link. The Men's Self-Help Podcast may receive compensation when listeners use it.

Recommended book

Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics by Dan Harris

As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.

Related Reading

When nothing clearly dangerous is happening, anxiety can still make uncertainty feel like a threat. Calm Anxiety explains why anxiety can make safe situations feel dangerous and how avoidance, reassurance-seeking, and threat prediction can reinforce that response. From Calm Anxiety Clinic. 

Want to help support the show? Buy Me a coffee!
https://buymeacoffee.com/mensselfhelp

Important disclaimer

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for psychotherapy, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Dr. John Moore is not acting as your personal therapist through this podcast. Please speak with a licensed healthcare professional if you are experiencing concerns about your mental or physical health.

Production note:

Audio production assistance provided by Joel Oliver. Episode artwork generated with Adobe Firefly. Transition sounds provided royalty-free by Pixabay. This episode blends live-recorded audio with Dr. John Moore's own authorized voice model.

Ever notice how some mornings seem to set the tone for your entire day?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores what makes a healthy morning routine actually work—and why you don't need an elaborate, social media-worthy ritual to start your day on the right foot.

You'll learn why your morning routine should focus on four essential goals: waking up your body, settling your nervous system, activating your mind, and directing your attention. Along the way, John shares practical ideas you can begin using immediately, whether you have an hour, thirty minutes, or just fifteen.

You'll also hear why perfection isn't the goal, how to create a routine you'll actually stick with, and what to do when life inevitably throws your schedule off track.

If you've been looking for a simple, realistic approach to building better mornings, this episode offers practical strategies grounded in psychology—not hype.

• Why most morning routines fail
• The four jobs every healthy morning routine should accomplish
• How to calm your nervous system before the day begins
• The difference between productive habits and performative routines
• How to create a morning routine you can actually maintain

If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who could use a better start to their day.

• Looking for a signature scent? Check out Dr. Moore's guide to Best Colognes for Men: 25 Popular Fragrances Worth Wearing.
• Looking for Mental Health Counseling? Check out Better Help

Affiliate disclosure: The BetterHelp link above is an affiliate link. If you sign up through it, Guy Counseling may receive a commission at no additional cost to you.

Production note: Audio production assistance provided by Joel Oliver. Episode artwork generated with Adobe Firefly. Transition sounds provided royalty-free by Pixabay. This episode blends live-recorded audio with Dr. John Moore's own voice model.

After a long break, The Men's Self-Help Podcast is coming back.

In this brief return message, Dr. John shares why he stepped away, why he decided to return, and what listeners can expect going forward.

New episodes will focus on men's mental health, relationships, emotional wellness, and practical tools you can actually use.

The first full episode returns next week with a conversation about what to do when you feel yourself spiraling.

This encore presentation explores the five signs you may need to take a break from social media.  Visit this link for show notes on the Guy Counseling blog. 

Do you struggle with people getting under your skin? Are you easily triggered by certain comments or topics? Hoping to create positive change? In this episode sponsored by Better Help, Dr. John explores how to stop letting people get under your skin. You'll hear about the story of Austin, a young man who lost his temper on a train. Discover approaches to counseling including EMDR and Internal Family Systems (parts therapy) as part of healing past wounds.

Do you have an internal protector, deep inside, trying to keep you from the source of your hurts? If trauma and pain are part of your past, you'll want to listen to this episode.

Important Links

Use this link to get a special offer for listeners of the podcast with Better Help.

Visit Good Therapy to learn about EMDR

Link to episode 38 on how Karma wants your dreams to come true.

Learn about Internal Family Systems (parts therapy).

Helpful articles from one of the best anxiety therapist websites.

Follow Dr. John on Social Media

• Guy Counseling on Instagram
• Guy Counseling on Facebook
• John's website and newsletter sign up

In this episode of the Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John explores the process of change and how using the REST technique may be helpful. REST is the acronym for RELAX, EXAMINE, SET YOUR INTENTION, and TAKE ACTION and it comes from the world of DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

Learn how using REST may offer a powerful brain hack by allowing you to ease into creating change in your brain's pleasure center.

Important Links

Better Help – Show Sponsor

To learn about the special offer for listeners of the Men's Self-Help Podcast, use this link

Learn about DBT and a technique to help control anger.

Listen to episode 33 to learn more about DBT.

Help Guide on Addiction: A Harvard Health Article with a discussion about the brain's pleasure center and information about the nucleus accumbens as mentioned in the podcast.

Click here to read the article

Learn about positive psychology and how it can be used as part of counseling and coaching to help a person create change.

Visit the Positive Psychology podcast.

DBT Skills Workbook

This workbook was mentioned in the pod. Visiting this link will brink you to Amazon. If you buy this book with this link, the podcast receives an affiliate commission. Click to go to Amazon.

Follow Us on Social Media

Click here to follow on Facebook

Click here to follow on Instagram

Click here to follow on Twitter  

Trying to discover your life purpose? Does it feel like your life lacks meaning? In this episode, Dr. John goes over five specific strategies to help you find yourself and your life purpose. Using a combination of story telling with insights from Carl Jung, you can find out new things about yourself and train your brain to stimulate your Reticular Activating System, the part of the brain that is concerned with awareness. 

As part of the show, you'll also learn about a men's resource for generating inner-happiness and awareness around your purpose.  Finally, learn about the special guide Dr. John has put together as part of your self-care routine - for guys.  

Important Links

Click here for a special skin care guide for men, created by Dr. John

• Top 7 reasons men seek out therapy - Episode 37
• Free personality assessment from 16 personalities.
• The Reticular Activating System from University of Minnesota
• The Daily Gratitude Journal for Men (Click here for Amazon)

Other Links

• Guy Counseling on Instagram
• Guy Counseling on Facebook
• Dr. John's website and newsletter sign up

Do you feel your mind is wired for anxiety? Do you constantly worry about failing? Are you looking for concrete ways to create positive change? In this episode, Dr. John explores the relationship between your thoughts, your brain and anxiety. Discover why fight, flight or freeze can be so powerful. Learn several easy-to-use coping techniques for creating calm as part of reprograming your anxious mind.

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Health Line Article on how some form of anxiety can be traced to a chemical imbalance. 

Link To Episode 31: Comat Negative Self-Talk

Link To Episode 35: How To Quickly Get Out of a Funk

Link to Medical News Daily: Four Squared Breathing

Book Suggestion

Re-Wire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic and Worry. Visit Amazon

Important Links:

Panic Attack Treatment and Information from The Calm Anxiety CBT Therapy Clinic

Show Notes – Guy Counseling Blog: www.guycounseling.com

Sponsor: - Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling

Follow Us On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

What if instead of believing the world was working against you, you experimented with the possibility that things might actually be working in your favor?

In this episode of The Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores pronoia, a concept often described as the opposite of paranoia.

With paranoia, we may interpret events as evidence that people or circumstances are working against us. Pronoia invites us to play with a radically different idea: What if the universe was conspiring to help you rather than hurt you?

Originally titled Karma Wants to Make Your Dreams Come True, this episode isn't about pretending that bad things don't happen or that positive thinking magically changes reality. Instead, Dr. John asks you to experiment with a different way of looking at your experiences, opportunities, setbacks, and future.

What might change if you became more open to the possibility that something good could be waiting around the corner?

• What pronoia means

• Why pronoia is sometimes described as the opposite of paranoia

• How expectations can influence the way we interpret experiences

• What happens when you begin looking for possibilities instead of threats

• Why optimism doesn't require pretending everything is perfect

• How changing your perspective can change what you notice

• The difference between hopeful thinking and denying reality

• Why uncertainty doesn't always have to mean something bad is coming

• How to become more open to positive possibilities

• A simple thought experiment for looking at your life differently

If anxiety, worry, or constantly expecting something to go wrong is making everyday life difficult, professional support may help.

The Calm Anxiety Clinic offers Anxiety Therapy in Chicago using evidence-based approaches for anxiety and related concerns.

Guy Counseling

www.guycounseling.com

BetterHelp

www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling

👉 Instagram Guy Counseling

The Men's Self-Help Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or professional mental health treatment. If you are struggling, please contact a qualified professional where you live.

Have you ever wondered why some men seek out therapy? Are you in counseling now and curious to know if other guys are struggling with the same issues? In this episode, Dr. John reveals the top 7 reasons men go into counseling. As part of the show, he also answers a listener email from a man who has become dependent on using alcohol to become socially lubricated before going out on a date.

Resources for Men Seeking Therapy:

• Find a Therapist for Online Counseling: www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling
• Find a Therapist in Chicago: If you're in the Chicago area, 2nd Story Counseling offers experienced therapists who specialize in men's mental health issues
• LGBTQ+ Affirming Care: For those seeking inclusive therapy options, visit our LGBTQ+ therapist directory
• Men's Mental Health Info: National Resource Center for Men's Mental Health: www.menshealthnetwork.org
• Crisis Support: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 (call or text)
• Substance Use Support: SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357

Connect With Us:

• More Men's Mental Health Content: www.guycounseling.com
• Follow Guy Counseling on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

Do you ever wonder what women say about men in therapy? What are some of the common themes that come up when it comes to men? Can knowing about some of these topics help you in your relationships?

In this episode, Dr. John walks you through seven common themes that women touch on about men in the counseling office. Some of these may seem like common sense. Others may cause you to pause and reflect. You can use these topics to better help you understand the women in your life.

This week's listener email comes to us from a man who is struggling with dating app fatigue and is tired of being rejected whenever he puts himself out there.

Important Links:

Show Notes – Guy Counseling Blog: www.guycounseling.com

Men's Skin Care Guide: Men's Skincare Guide Made Simple

Best Smelling Colognes for Men

Follow Us On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

At some point, all of us fall into a funk. In this episode, I'm going to give you 7 of my tips for pulling yourself out of a funk BEFORE it turns into a rut! Learn how to help boost your mood quickly and create positive change. Episode infused with some of the teaching of Dr. William Glasser, the Father of Reality Therapy and Choice Theory. Show Notes on the www.guycounseling.com blog. 

William Glasser Choice Theory 

https://wglasser.com/what-is-choice-theory/

Loving Kindness Meditation Study

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Information on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

All About CBT Therapy

Follow us on Instagram at:

https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1/

Follow us on Facebook at:

https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/ 

Everyone knows positive thinking can be helpful, but what happens when it doesn't work? Can you make yourself feel worse by forcing happy talk? In this episode, Dr. John explores the downside to positive thinking and how trying to deny your feelings can be harmful. Learn about an alternative called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Also, you'll hear from a listener who describes himself as overweight and can't experience intimacy unless he's wearing a shirt.

Important Links:

Show Notes – Guy Counseling Blog: www.guycounseling.com

Sponsor: - Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling

Follow Us On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

Do you suppress your anger? When you do express these feelings, do you blow up on people, like your partner, children, or coworkers? Looking for practical tools to create change? In this episode of the Men's Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore will teach you two POWERFUL tools from the world of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that can be used as coping strategies. Learn how to channel your anger into a discussion with the aim of getting your needs met. As part of the discussion, you'll also learn why anger is not a dirty word.

This week's listener email comes from a man who is struggling with an inability to urinate in public places and isn't sure what to do. Learn about shy bladder syndrome, also referred to as paruresis.

Important Links:

Show Notes – Guy Counseling Blog: www.guycounseling.com

Sponsor: - Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling

Follow Us On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

Do you have a partner who never initiates sex? Has this dynamic caused frustration or confusion in your relationship? In this episode of the Men's Self-Help Podcast, sponsored by BetterHelp, Dr. John explores the idea of "It's Always Been This Way" and how reframing the core question can create real change.

You'll also hear from a listener who wants to know if it's OK to start dating someone he previously hooked up with on an app. If you're thinking about strengthening your relationship or building a healthier foundation, you might also find this resource helpful: Premarital Counseling in Chicago.

Show notes are available on the Guy Counseling Blog.

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1/
Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/guycounseling

Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Has it caused you to derail? Hoping to learn how to combat it? In this episode, sponsored by Better Help, Dr. John Moore creates a metaphor with your mind being a train and how – if you aren't careful – your thoughts can act as objects that can lead to derailment. You'll learn 7 concrete ways from combatting negative thinking, plus several resources. You'll also hear from a listener who is having difficulties with adjusting to life as the pandemic eases. Re-entry anxiety and FOMO are discussed. Show notes for this episode can be found on the Guy Counseling blog.

Show Notes - www.guycounseling.com

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1

Show Notes:

You may have heard of the term erotic hypnosis, but does such a thing exist? In this episode of the Men's Self-Help Podcast sponsored by Better Help, Dr. John explores the topic of hypnosis and offers listeners a working definition. He then moves on to explaining what erotic hypnosis is – and what it is not. Examples and resources are shared as part of the experience. You'll also hear a listener email from a man who is having problems with his libido.

Resources Mentioned:

For men exploring their sexuality and seeking affirming mental health support, 2nd Story Counseling offers LGBTQ+ therapy in Chicago with experienced therapists who understand the unique challenges facing the LGBTQ+ community. Additional resources on sexual health and mental wellness can be found through the American Psychological Association and Psychology Today's Therapist Directory.

Show notes can be found on the Guy Counseling blog.

Follow on Instagram @guycounseling1
Facebook --> https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling
Twitter @guycounseling

Struggling with perfectionism? Looking for practical ways to create change? In this episode, Dr. John Moore explores some of the causal reasons behind perfectionism, which are largely linked to early childhood. In addition, you'll be offered 7 straightforward ways to dial down perfectionism in your own life.

As part of the show sponsored today by Better Help, you'll hear an email from a man who is feeling shame around his weight gain and wanting to exercise but isn't sure what to do. Visit the guycounseling.com website. 

If you are in Chicago and looking for therapy and counseling on the nothside, consider 2nd Story Counseling.

Learn the signs and symptoms of obsessive thinking, also referred to as rumination. Click here to access shownotes with informational links for episode 28. You can also visit the show's website at guycounseling.com to access the shownotes. 

Searching for ways to create physical intimacy in your relationship? In this show, Dr. John walks listeners through the technique of sensate focus. Learn how to bring that feeling of closeness and intuitiveness back to your love life. Learn about a 10% discount to listeners of the podcast with BetterHelp.

Visit show notes on the blog for handouts and resources.

Do you struggle to find the motivation to reach goals, like exercising, eating healthier or learning a new skill? Does depression get in your way of motivation? In this podcast, Dr. Moore explores goal attainment using the "As If" technique. He also responds to a listener email regarding the idea of moving in together before getting married. 

Do you struggle with shame? Are you looking for healthy ways of working through? Trying to up your self-esteem? In this podcast, Dr. John explores the issue of toxic shame and explains:

1. What shame is

2. How it manifests psychologically and physiologically

3. Concrete steps for working through

See Show Notes for specifics on this topic and links to helping resources. 

In this podcast, learn how to reduce anxiety and cope with stress through Autogenic Training (AT). Discover a new way to create calm from within.

Narrated by Dr. Moore, listen as he guides you through an amazing experience while teaching you a tool for coping with anxiety.

Copy of narration available in show notes. This anxiety podcast is designed as a tool for healthy coping. 

In this episode, learn about the concept of self-worth and how perception is projection. Discover 7 unique ways to boost your self-esteem. See this page on Guy Counseling for complete show notes on this episode of the Men's Self-Help Podcast. 

Using metaphor, Nordic myth and elements from popular culture, this recording is designed to enhance sexual confidence and boost self-esteem in other life areas. The recording is "G" rated and does not contain any offensive language. See show notes to learn more on this Viking Meditation to learn more. 

Struggle with self-esteem? Looking to increase your level of confidence? Need to be more assertive? In this episode, Dr. Moore guides you through a guided imagery meditation through self-hypnosis. Affirmations are included to help boost feelings of self worth. 

Learn how to create your personal circle of confidence and experience inner strength. To learn more, visit this post from Moore's website on Creating a Circle of Confidence.

If you like this podcast, please leave a review. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. 

Do you struggle with achieving your goals? Here's 7 common mistakes with goal setting that may be sabotaging your changes at success. Informational links with handouts to help you stay on track to goal attainment.  

Have you recently found yourself back on the dating scene? Do you struggle with confidence and dating? In this episode, Dr. John Moore explores 7 unique ways you can increase your confidence in the world of dating. As part of the show, Dr. Moore calls on the resources of Chicago psychologist Dr. Tyler Fortman and shares 7 ways to boost self-esteem when dating. 

Click here to review complete show notes with resources on Guy Counseling. 

If you liked this podcast, please leave a review. Your feedback is greatly appreciated! 

How do you know when it's time to take a break from social media? How much is too much time spent on Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat?

Dr. Moore offers 5 warning signs that it may be time to take a break from social media, particularly for those who struggle with a mental health issue like anxiety or depression. 

Listener email shared from man who has OCD and isn't sure if he should tell his girlfriend. 

Click on show notes for taking a break from social media 

Do you attract unhealthy people to your life - romantic partners that are toxic? Have you been dating the same "type" of person, over and over again? If so, you aren't alone.

In this episode, Dr. Moore examines the issue of attraction and romance and how early childhood experiences have a way of influencing us in the here and now. 

When listening, you'll learn 5 steps that you can take to break the cycle. 

Also in this show, you will hear about a man in Wyoming who identifies as straight but has strangely found himself physically attracted to another man. 

RESOURCES FROM SHOW

Confusing Love with Obsession (Amazon)

Loving Kindness Meditation (Guy Counseling)

More Men Than You Think Identify As 'Mostly Straight' (The Cut)

Kinsey Institute - Research on Sexual Orientation

Have you recently found out your girlfriend cheated on you? Not sure what do to? In this podcast, Dr. Moore offers 10 coping strategies in the aftermath of infidelity. He also answers a listener email from a man who doesn't understand why his girlfriend never initiates in the bedroom. 

Resources Mentioned In Show:

Intuition and gender

Journal of Personality and Psychology on gender and intuition

Cheating stats

Bustle cheating info

10 Tips When You Learn She Cheated

Guy Counseling website - Cheating

My Girlfriend Never Initiates Article

Guy Counseling website - Initiates 

Assertiveness – it's a topic that comes up from guys a lot in counseling. Most men want to know "How can I be more assertive?" In this podcast, Dr. Moore explores this topic in detail.

As part of the discussion, he'll contrast the differences between being assertive and being aggressive.

In this show, you will learn:

• A working definition of assertiveness

• How assertiveness and aggressiveness differ

• 7 unique assertiveness skills you can build for the future.

Dr. Moore also answers a listener email from a man who wonders if he has a problem with alcohol. A quick overview is offered that examines the differences between use, abuse and dependence with a substance. See complete show-notes on Guy Counseling: https://guycounseling.com/assertiveness-skills-drinking/

Do you struggle with PTSD? Wondering about the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Curious about what this mental health challenge is all about?

In this podcast, Dr. Moore explores PTSD in detail. You'll learn a basic definition of Post-Traumatic Stress and 5 things to consider when trying to find help.

Resources mentioned in the show:

Long Term Deployments and Stress (military)

https://www.slideshare.net/johndmoore1/long-term-deployments-and-stress

Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD

https://www.brainline.org/article/dsm-5-criteria-ptsd

PTSD Rates and Gender from Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201809/why-women-have-higher-rates-ptsd-men

National Center for PTSD https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/peer_support.asp

PTSD Support Groups (In person and online)

https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/staying-ahead-of-ptsd-finding-support-groups-or-networks/

PTSD Support Groups on Psychcentral https://psychcentral.com/resources/Post-traumatic_Stress/Support_Groups/

The Hidden War: PTSD and The Front Line https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-War-PTSD-Front-Lines/dp/1604152680

Veterans Who Horseback Riding Help Work Through PTSD https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/

O*NET Career Profiler

https://www.mynextmove.org/explore/ip

What's Your Career Personality Type (Psychcentral)

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2018/05/career-personality-type/

Do you say yes to everyone? Are you taking on more than you should but can't say no? Is it causing you problems emotionally and physically? If so, you may have people pleasing syndrome as the result of being a people pleaser.

Learn 10 signs you may have this problem plus what to do about it.

Show Highlights:

• 10 traits of people pleasers
• How people pleasing happens in people
• 10 symptoms of people pleasing syndrome
• 3 ways of moving through the problem

Resources: 10 symptoms of people pleasing from Amy Morin on Psychology Today

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/10-signs-youre-people-pleaser

Visit Guy Counseling www.guycounseling.com

The Disease To Please: Ending People Pleasing Syndrome See Amazon: https://amzn.to/2I5b505

Cheating Survey by GSS -Who Cheats https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

What kind of lover are you? In this podcast, we examine six love styles as offered by the sociologist John A. Lee. We also explore how the past can influence our attachment style in the here and now.

A listener email is also shared where he reveals serious penis shame.

Resources:

Lee's Love Styles: http://www.psychologycharts.com/six-love-styles.html

Love Style Quiz based on Lee's work:
http://courses.washington.edu/psii101/geninfo/lovetest.pdf

NYT article on Lee's Love Styles:
https://www.nytimes.com

Feeling stress? Need some help with developing a stress management program? Here's 5 tips.

In this episode, we also discuss an email from a listener who was told by his girlfriend that she no longer finds him attractive. What to do when someone you are dating reveals they aren't into you.

How stress effects the body from the Mayo Clinic
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987

Mindfulness Bel (Zen Bell)
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mindfulne

Hoping to build build mental toughness? Trying to up your confidence? In this show, we examine 7 skills you can build to increase mental toughness that are rooted in reality.

Tips offered through the writings of Dr. Alan Goldberg in his book "Sports Slump Busting": https://www.amazon.com/Sports-Slump-Busting-Alan-Goldberg/dp/1625504756

Article on building mental toughness from Guy Counseling: https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/

Previous podcast on 8 ways to build self-esteem

Do you struggle with self-esteem? Hunting for ways to boost your confidence? Here's 8 ways to create positive change in your life and feel better about yourself. In this podcast, learn: -8 self-esteem hacks based on suggestions from Dr. Brian Luke Seaward, author of Managing Stress: https://www.amazon.com/Managing-Stress-Principles-Strategies-Well-Being/dp/1284126269 - Learn about cognitive restructuring and the Beck Institute. https://beckinstitute.org/ - Use cognitive restructuring in your own life. Here's a handout from Therapist Aid: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-guide/cognitive-restructuring 10 Steps To Increasing Self-Esteem https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/

10 Things Depression Doesn't Want You To Know
I wrote this on Psychcentral several years ago. Here's the link:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/11/10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/

National Alliance On Mental Illness
Learn about different mental health issues, including depression. https://www.nami.org/

DSM 5 Depression Criteria
https://www.psycom.net/depression-definition-dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria/

National Suicide Hotline

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

If you are in crisis and this you might hurt yourself or someone else, call 911 right now or go to your local emergency room . 

Ever feel like you are a fake? Do you question if you are really qualified to be doing what you are doing? If so, you may have imposter syndrome.

Learn all about imposter syndrome, what causes it, the typical signs, and 7 things you can do about it. Change is possible in your life and so are new beginnings.

5 types of imposter syndrome traits explored based on Dr. Valerie Young's work:

https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one

Hacks for working through, including building a circle of confidence as shared on Guy Counseling:

https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/ Shout out to

Dr. Margret Rutherford with Self Work: https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork-podcast/ Shownotes on

Guy Counseling

https://guycounseling.com/e6-imposter-syndrome-podcast/

Do you struggle with self-esteem? Want to work out but intimidated by more muscular people? Trying to change your body but can't get past your anxiety about going to the gym? In this podcast, we explore body image issues, fear, and exercise. Learn 5 ways to move past gym fears so you can build the body of your dreams. If you are a man who just can't get over the hump of feeling intimidated by other guys at the gym, this podcast is for you. Shout out to Quads Gym in Chicago: www.quadsgym.com/

What is anxiety? Where does it come from and how do you cope with it? This podcast explores anxiety and fear and assesses acceptance as a coping strategy. Do you struggle with anxiety? Gain new insights. Be sure to visit www.guycounseling.com

What is a Type A personality? In this podcast, we explore the six primary traits of Type A Personalities. In this podcast, you will learn: - Traits of Type A personalities. - Health risks for "Type A". - Coping with Type A personality types. Learn all about Type A's. Click to listen and then visit www.guycounseling.com

Trouble sleeping? Learn a new skill by engaging in self-hypnosis with this guided meditation. Train your body to relax and fall into a deeper, more meaningful sleep.

Do you struggle with irrational beliefs? Have you engaged in thinking distortions? This audio recording accompanies the post "10 Ways Irrational Thinking Increases Learn about thought distortions and more at the Guy Counseling Blog on this post: https://guycounseling.com/ten-irrational-thinking-anxiety/