The Kinky Coffee Break – Details, episodes & analysis

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by the fabulous Mark Cusack, author of the recently published book: Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality. Fluidity feels like such a core part of my own identity and personal journey but it’s a topic that’s rarely spoken about or visible, even within LGBTQ+ communities, so I was delighted to bring Mark on to the podcast to shed some light on this! Tune in to hear how fluid sexuality is way more prevalent than you might think (and not just in humans!), how it’s not just another trend or phase, and why it’s a controversial topic within the LGBTQ+ community. As well as being an author, Mark (he/they) is also a lecturer, content creator and coach who specialises in supporting people with complex, fluid or undefined orientation and gender. Mark runs the support site @notdefining where he posts educational content about the diversity of the sexuality and gender spectrums, as well as experiences from his own life as a bi+/asexual fluid person. Mark lives in Liverpool where he delivers talks, teaches trainee psychotherapists and writes articles on LGBTQ+ issues. He was formerly LGBTQ+ representative for the UK Civil Service. His home town is Kilmarnock in Scotland and he is a proud member of the autistic community. If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out Mark’s website: www.notdefining.com, find him across social media @notdefining including the wonderful YouTube channel, and order a copy of the book via the publishers: https://uk.jkp.com/products/fluid. You’ll find my work including upcoming events, courses, and workshops at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels. And if you have a question that you’d like us to address in a follow-up, please drop me an email at hello@pleasurerebels.com. We’d love to hear from you!

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by “the Nigella of parenting’, Roma Norriss!

I learnt why it’s essential that parents DON’T shut down their sexuality, in a permissive, perspective-shifting conversation that highlights the ways in which over-serving parenting isn’t actually making us the best parents for our kids. 

We covered a lot of ground in this conversation - from the surprising overlaps between parenting and kink, to how we can handle some of the practical issues if you exploring kink and sexuality in a house that you share with children. I’m massively inspired by this conversation with Roma! 

Roma Norriss (she/her) turns around scratch-your-eyes-out-hard family situations where nothing else has worked. She can be sighted in a naughty red dress but in actuality spends most of her time coaching internationally from her bed in pyjamas with her hair standing on end. Roma has been working with parents (as a Birthworker, NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor and Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor) since 2006 and is a warm, overconfident, prolific, playful, pattern interrupter who somehow has the answers to your life. 

Based in Somerset, she sponges up any opportunity for intimacy and is an all-round bothersome wrestle-maniac. Lifelong foodie, she loves feeding people and when the chips are down is prone to escaping to the tropics for a God plug-in. What she doesn’t want you to know is that she actually finds children quite tedious and has been forced to master parenting only for the sake of making her own children significantly LESS so. Known for her warm, human, and forgiving approach, Roma is also deeply invested in exploring how intimacy, connection, and kink can coexist with the demands of parenting and is constantly navigating the complexities of exploring her own sexuality as a parent. She regularly appears on TV, Radio, webinars, conferences, panels and podcasts, including Newsweek, and Juno Magazine.

If you’d like to find out more about Roma and the amazing work she does, check out her website: www.romanorriss.com or head straight to the resources page: https://www.romanorriss.com/resources

And if you have a question that you’d like us to address in a follow-up, please drop me an email at hello@pleasurerebels.com. We’d love to hear from you! 

Join me and my guest, Sasha Damjanovski, as we discuss the exhilarating world of play parties. 

Many people I work with are curious about exploring these spaces, yet they can be a bit baffling - like, what's the difference between a play party, a sex party, and a temple night? What do you wear? Will I find myself in the middle of an orgy within minutes of arriving?! Sasha and I share our thoughts on these questions, as well as insights into how to prepare, what to expect, and some of the less obvious benefits of being in these spaces. 

Sasha Damjanovski (he/him) is a multi-disciplinary practitioner. With a holistic approach to personal growth, exploration and healing, he uses a combination of counselling, coaching, body work, conscious kink, dance and more. His clients are humans of all genders and cultures, seeking to explore their own curiosities, needs and boundaries in both personal and professional relationships. 

Sasha is also a multiple award-winning filmmaker and the years of creating narratives has greatly influenced his work as a practitioner, as he helps people create their own authentic and empowering life narratives. 

"Play parties are an extreme sport. They can be exhilarating and fun but one doesn't go skydiving without doing any research or preparation beforehand!" Find out more about Sasha and the work he does at CuriousMaster.com or catch him on Instagram @proactive_loving

And you'll find me, Lex, at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels 

Join me and my guest, Andrew Cain, as we discuss some of the surprising overlaps between the worlds of kink and improv, as well as the misconceptions. Discover why play is so important for us as adults, and some of the ways that we can make this a part of our lives.

I did NOT want to learn improv and yet the skills I developed in doing so have massively influenced how I work daily, to the extent that I now encourage Dom/mes-in-training to give it a go! 

Andy (he/him) sees himself as possibly the world’s most unlikely improviser! As a child, he excelled at school stuff – thinking and getting the “right” answers – and was quite shy. Over the years this led to him, like many adults, getting tangled up in thought and losing contact with freedom, fun, and expression. When Andy first encountered improv he felt a fascination and fear that showed him it contained something he needed. It’s helped Andy to reclaim fun, laughter, being seen and not worrying about being “right”. It’s been both deep and fun. Alongside Andy’s therapy and coaching work, he loves sharing improv - particularly with people, like him, who would never normally do that kind of thing! “Play, connection, and fun are not ‘nice to haves.’ They’re key parts of emotional and physical wellbeing.” Find out more about Andy and the work he does at www.playconnect.co.uk

You'll find me at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels 

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by Writer, Creative Life Coach, Performer, Book Doula, Trauma-Informed Educator & Artist, and Founder of The Creative Genius, the marvellous Heidi Hinda Chadwick. 

We explored some of the overlaps between the worlds of kink and creativity - from the way in which they both tap into our sensual innocence, to the impact of shame can have on the way we feel we can express ourselves. 

I found Heidi Hinda’s perspective really refreshing, the way in which she invites us to not only know and accept ourselves but to celebrate! 

Heidi Hinda Chadwick (she/her) is deeply passionate about Eros, Creativity, Sexuality, Kink, the Nervous System & Creative Living, Mental Health, Midwifing your Midlife, Tarot, Horror Movies, and Macabre and Folky Feminist Bad Ass Literature! She’s all about how to live a Juicy, Wild and Full-filled life, whilst allowing ourselves to be Vividly and Wildly Messy & Imperfect.

Heidi Hinda has been writing for over 20 years, about Life, Love, Sex, Relationships, Soul, Creativity, Culture, & why Art is the Revolution! and has been published in various online and paper publications. She is also a Nomadic Tarot Reader & avid Cross-Stitcher!

Join Writing The Revolution ~ https://writingtherevolution.substack.com/

Spell-Crafting ~ https://heidihinda.substack.com/

IG ~ https://www.instagram.com/heidihinda/

Website ~ https://www.heidihindachadwick.com/

If you’re interested in the POWER & PRESENCE course that I offer, the 2025 edition will run from April to July and you can find the details of this plus all other upcoming events, courses, and workshops at pleasurerebels.com/events. Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

This month, I’m joined by (Feminist) Love Coach, Bear Phillips to talk about What Makes a Great Lover.

We covered a lot of ground here - from the way in which men are socialised to disconnect from important parts of themselves, to the way that we can inadvertently create disconnection in our relationships when we avoid being vulnerable. And YES - we do get to hear Bear’s secret to being a great lover!

I really appreciated the way that Bear presented his ideas and critique of popular ideas in such a warm and grounded way, calling us back into discovery and curiosity once again.

Bear Phillips (he/ him) is a poly-sexual, polyamorous, and kinky-slut by night, and a trauma-informed bodyworker and a sex & love coach by day. In his coaching with men, he works with questions of masculinity and how patriarchy impacts our ability to have meaningful and authentic relationships. Bear has been involved in various forms of therapy and personal development for more than half his life, having recently completed the *Compassionate Inquiry Professional Training* with Gabor Maté. His first book; Feminism Will Make a Man Out of You! is due for release soon.

You can find Bear at www.bearphillips.co.uk or substack: @bearphillips1 / bearphillips1.substack.com/. He’s also on IG: @bear_phillips and FB: facebook.com/bearphillipsUK.

We referenced one of Bear’s recent articles during this conversation, and you can find that here.

If you’re interested in my upcoming Getting into Ethical Kink course, you can find all of the details here or find the full list of upcoming events, courses, and workshops at pleasurerebels.com/events. Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

Join me and my guest, Rosy Pendlebaby, as we discuss smut and the lost art of letter writing.

There can be a great vulnerability in expressing our desires and many of the obstacles we face in doing so - such as our fear of judgment, shame, and self-censorship - can be present in our other creative pursuits.

What emerged from a desire to stay connected during Covid lockdowns, is an idea that I believe offers an antidote not only to our blocks around desire and creativity but to these ridiculously fast-paced times we live in.

I love the way that Rosy presents this in a way that I hope will inspire all of us to pick up a pen and paper and get the creative juices flowing once again!

Rosy Pendlebaby (she/they) is a queer performer, facilitator, and activist, working in the UK and internationally, making work that explores the intersection of creativity, pleasure, and change-making. She is director of body positive life drawing project, Body Love Sketch Club, and of creative lab for rebellious arts, Revolting Arts Club. Since launching the ‘Smutty Letters’ project online in 2020, she has gone on to perform and facilitate it at Edinburgh Fringe, London Vault Festival, Cheltenham Literature Festival, Soho House, Wilderness Festival, Glasgow Comedy Festival, Shambala, and more.

Find Rosy on Instagram: @revoltingrosy @revoltingartsclub @bodylovesketchclub

Rosy will be running a Smutty Letters event in London on Thursday 20th Feb 2025. Details and tickets can be found here.

Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

This month I’m joined on the podcast by Rope Bondage Educator and regular guest teacher at The Kinky Classoom, Christian Red. Christian is a firm favourite here at Pleasure Rebels, not only because of his technical knowledge but also his wealth of lived experience, open mind, and ability to dive into the juicy conversations about WHY we’re drawn to certain things. 

This episode could have gone in so many different directions, but we wanted to dive into a topic that is deeply impactful to us as educators and our audiences. Strangely, we can’t say much more upfront, but I invite you to tune in and see what you think! 

Christian Red (he/him) is a rope/takedown teacher based in Nottingham who has been teaching since 2012. His focus as an educator is giving people tools and ideas to express themselves by breaking complex topics into simple ideas. Christian Red's involvement in the kink community has lasted 20 years so far. In recent years, he has taught at Prague Shibari, Athens Rope, Anatomie Studios, Rope On!, Rope Office Hours, String Fling, UKREX, and Oxford Peer Rope. He's also a bloody awesome human, and a trusted teacher and mentor.

Find out more about Christian’s work at https://www.christian-red.co.uk// and follow him on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/christianredv2. You’ll also find his incredible and educational YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@bondagetuition 

We referenced Christian’s recent video message to YouTube about censorship double standards, which you can find here: https://youtu.be/O1ZwYmqZLaw?si=P0JThZRhbbNCYUGN (unless it gets deleted). I’d highly recommend giving it a watch!  

I also referenced Eric Wycoff Rogers and some of their work around Critical Hedonism(s), which you can find here: https://www.criticalhedonisms.com/ 

Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

This conversation was recorded in November 2024.

Join me and my guest, Catherine Hale, as we discuss trauma and nervous systems and why these are important for all of us to know about! 

I think one of the most undervalued skillsets in society is our ability to recognise and tend to dysregulation in our own nervous systems. And it’s pretty close to impossible not to feel dysregulated at least some of the time when we are constantly striving, working, and overwhelmed by information. When we don’t have the skills to do this, to regulate ourselves and coregulate with others, we’re more likely to numb out and avoid feeling what’s really going on for us, which in turn makes it much harder for us to actually find pleasure in our lives. 

I love how much Catherine invites compassion and gentleness in her approach, whilst giving lots of practical tips on how we can start to form better relationships with our own nervous systems. 

Catherine Hale (she/her) is a passionate nervous system coach and educator who inspires seasoned change-makers - coaches, healers, and leaders - to unlock their full potential. With her guidance, individuals can tap into the extraordinary power of post-traumatic growth, transforming their healing journey into a path of empowerment and purpose.

In 2023, Catherine launched the Culture of Care training, a groundbreaking program that fosters a holistic approach to trauma-informed care. Designed for practitioners and facilitators, this training equips them with the skills to create safe, sensitive environments that honour the diverse needs of individuals and groups. 

Catherine believes that by mastering trauma-informed techniques and understanding the intricacies of the nervous system, we can collectively cultivate a culture that empowers profound transformations in our lives and work. Together, we can build the beautiful world our hearts know is possible—one that thrives on compassion, resilience, and deep connection.

Find out more about Catherine’s work at https://catherinehale.co.uk/ and follow her on Insta @catherinehaleuk or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catherine.hale.5209.

Catherine referenced a new training for practitioners, which you can find here: https://www.the-field.com/online 

Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

This conversation was recorded in October 2024.

Join me and my guest, Æris Grace, as we discuss the presence of ageism in the world of intimacy. 

It can be a big step for any individual to enter a group setting to explore topics as vulnerable as sexuality but add to that the artificial divides that can be present between age groups and it can leave older individuals feeling somehow unwelcomed or even excluded.  

What struck me about this conversation with Æris was how they got to the root of the issue in a way that calls us to reflect on where ageism in these spaces really comes from and how it impacts ALL of us, at all ages. This is an opportunity, more broadly, for us to deconstruct and reclaim more intimacy for ourselves when we can open our minds to the potential for desire and vitality that exists at any age. 

Æris Grace (they/them) is a genderqueer, pansensual, pansexual, polyamorous, neurodiverse & kinky Intimacy worker, facilitator & organiser. They have a heart for creating body positive, age affirming, neuro nurturing & queer friendly intimacy spaces. This Belgium Based Human loves to co create juicy projects with local creators and to connect Belgium to the international world of Intimate Embodiment.

Find out more about Æris’ work at https://linktr.ee/intimacypro and follow them on Insta @queerjoyisaprotest

I referenced Desirability Politics throughout this podcast and I find this episode from the Multiamory podcast a helpful resource for those who wish to learn more on that topic. Æris also followed up with a recommended podcast episode from The Heart of Healthcare featuring Cindy Gallop.

Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

(This conversation was recorded in June 2024)