Are generational divides in the workplace and in life driving you crazy?
The Gen Mess with Tess is here to help! Hosted by Tess Brigham—certified coach, licensed therapist, TEDx speaker, author, and mom to a Gen Zer—this podcast tackles the challenges and complexities of navigating life and work across multiple generations. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Baby Boomers, Tess brings her expertise to the table, offering practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap. Whether you're trying to communicate better with colleagues, understand your kids, or just get a clearer perspective on the "mess" of it all, The Gen Mess with Tess is your go-to resource for understanding how different generations think, work, and live.
Discover shows related to The Gen Mess with Tess, based on actual content similarities. Explore podcasts with similar topics, themes, and formats, backed by real data.
Ep 77: Why Your Burnout Recovery Keeps Failing (Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober)
Wednesday, September 9, 2026 • Duration 51:12
The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body.
In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first.
Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are.
What you will learn:
The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat it
Why stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm again
Why Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meeting
What nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppression
The electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival mode
Why five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort)
The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stress
What managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problem
Dr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quiz
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober
00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education
02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters
04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss)
08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression
13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full
14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System.
22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like
28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It)
33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything
37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth
41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen Z
Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint
Book:Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter)
Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGu
Ep 76: Why Authority Doesn't Work the Way It Used To
Wednesday, September 2, 2026 • Duration 13:25
For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it.
That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet.
In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud.
Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem.
What you'll learn:
Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer are
The "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended on
Why Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrived
The trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missing
Why leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worse
One concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-one
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement
00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work
02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses
Ep 75: Are We Losing Empathy in Our Connected World? (Guest: Mimi Nicklin)
Wednesday, August 26, 2026 • Duration 49:25
We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem.
In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room.
What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds.
What you'll learn:
What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelings
Why organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagement
The neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for it
Why being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not more
Why empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with them
What both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right now
The four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurement
Practical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediately
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin
00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate
05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It)
Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)
Wednesday, August 19, 2026 • Duration 50:08
Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line.
In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level?
Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing.
We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast.
What you'll learn in this episode:
Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enough
The BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationships
The 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behavior
The 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinking
Why anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneath
The difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everything
Why self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not less
How to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson
Ep 73: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict For Good
Wednesday, August 12, 2026 • Duration 15:27
Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict.
There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything.
If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you.
What you'll learn in this episode:
What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress
The three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidance
Why Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behavior
Why the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say instead
The one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them move
Three concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent around
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation
01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress
Ep 72: ADHD, Autism, and the Myth of Productivity with Genie Love
Wednesday, August 5, 2026 • Duration 49:59
Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them.
In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them.
We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team.
What you'll learn in this episode:
Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces then
Why apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent people
Why steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks like
A step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoiding
How to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedules
What one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire team
Resources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergent
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach
00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching
Ep 71: Why Your Best Manager Is Burning Out
Wednesday, July 29, 2026 • Duration 16:05
She is the manager first to respond to a message, even outside of normal business hours. She takes on every project nobody else wants. She quietly rewrites deliverables before they go out, even when she technically does not have to. Her team loves her, leadership loves her, she is the best manager you've ever worked with. And she is running on fumes in a way that will never once show up on paper.
In this solo episode I go deep on a pattern I see repeatedly in my work with high-performing managers, particularly women. This is not about a leadership style or a personality trait. It is about a childhood role that never got put down. And it is quietly running her nervous system every single day at work.
I walk through the psychology of parentification, Murray Bowen's concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy, and why the standard advice, just delegate more, does not just fail these managers. In some cases it actively makes things worse. I also share a composite case study and give both the manager living this pattern and the leaders above her something concrete to do differently.
What you'll learn in this episode:
What parentification is and the story it writes in a child's brain before they have words to question it
Why overfunctioning is not a trust problem or a perfectionism problem but an anxiety regulation problem
Why telling your best manager to delegate more can accidentally deepen the compulsive pattern instead of breaking it
Three specific ways the standard delegation advice backfires
What actually helps: the one question to ask before taking something back over
How to give feedback to a manager like this without triggering the old story that she needs to try harder
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Introduction and hook: the manager who seems to handle everything
00:58 What this episode is really about: a childhood role that never got put down
Check Out These Related Episodes:
Ep 70: The Part of Your Brain That's Quietly Killing Motivation with Dr. Kyra Bobinet
Wednesday, July 22, 2026 • Duration 58:21
Have you ever watched a talented employee just stop trying? They know what to do. They have the skills. And still, nothing. What you are witnessing is not a character flaw. It is a brain event. And until now, most of us have had no name for it.
Dr. Kyra Bobinet is a public health physician, scientist, and behavioral designer who has spent her career closing what she calls the know-do gap: the space between knowing what you should do and actually doing it. She has identified the specific brain region responsible for killing motivation, generating negative self-talk, and driving everything from procrastination to addiction. It is called the habenula. It is the size of a pea. And it is running more of your team's behavior than you realize.
In this conversation we go deep on the neuroscience of motivation and disengagement, what triggers the habenula (and what that is) to shut people down at work, why GLP-1 medications are actually addiction drugs that work through this same brain region, how Gen Z's particular history with social media and loneliness makes them especially vulnerable to habenula overload, and what managers can actually do about it. Dr. Bobinet also shares the iterative mindset framework she has published in peer-reviewed research, which is available as a free tool at her website.
What you'll learn in this episode:
What the habenula is and why it is the master control switch for motivation and negative self-talk
How trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and social media overload create a hypersensitive habenula
Why 1 in 3 Americans are using alcohol, cannabis, or nicotine during the workday and what that tells us about workplace stress
The surprising reason GLP-1s like Ozempic reduce cravings for alcohol, nicotine, and nail-biting (not just food)
Why 67% of Gen Z report loneliness and what that means for their performance at work
The iterative mindset: why you cannot fail if you are experimenting, and how managers can use this to support struggling employees
A real workplace ritual that Dr. Bobinet uses to protect motivation and build retention on her team
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
Ep 69: Why You're Scared to Give Gen Z Feedback
Wednesday, July 15, 2026 • Duration 09:55
There is a fear spreading through management right now that nobody is naming out loud. Managers are scared to give feedback to their Gen Z employees. And because it stays unspoken, it is quietly destroying performance culture inside organizations everywhere.
In this episode, I walk through exactly why this is happening, what it's costing you, and what works when it comes to delivering feedback to a younger workforce. This is not a Gen Z problem, and it is not a manager problem. It is a product of a generation raised with a very specific relationship to evaluation, criticism, and their own sense of worth colliding with a management culture that was never trained to work with that reality.
I draw on Carol Dweck's research on fixed vs. growth mindset, Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion and external performance feedback, organizational researcher Edgar Schein's concept of humble inquiry, and Sheila Heen's research from Thanks for the Feedback to explain what is actually happening in those feedback conversations when they go sideways. Then I give you concrete, specific tools to make them go differently.
What you'll learn in this episode:
Why a significant portion of Gen Z was never given direct developmental feedback before they entered your organization
The neurological leap that turns a comment about a deliverable into an identity threat
Three specific things that go wrong in most feedback conversations with Gen Z
A 20-second framing technique that changes the entire dynamic before you say a single word of feedback
Why Gen Z does not leave managers who give honest feedback, and who they actually leave
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
00:01 The fear managers won't say out loud
00:40 The millennial manager story: one feedback conversation that went wrong and what happened next
02:01 The deep mismatch in expectations, emotional history, and how Gen Z was wired to receive feedback
Ep 68: Why We Need More Black Therapists and What Institutions Are Actually Doing About It
Wednesday, July 8, 2026 • Duration 56:36
Are our educational systems actually built for the people who need them most? For students who are also parents, caregivers, veterans, and full-time workers, the traditional model of higher education was never designed with them in mind. And in the Black community, where those layers of responsibility are often even more pronounced. The gap between who the system was built for and who it needs to serve has real consequences.
In this conversation I sit down with Dr. Alvin McLean, clinical psychologist and dean of psychology at National University, and Cherina Shaw, PhD candidate in psychology, doula, mother of six, and homeschool parent.
We cover a lot of ground in this one, from why psychology training pipelines produce so few Black therapists, to what culturally responsive care actually looks like in practice, to one of the most important insights I have heard about worldview and how it shapes the kind of advice a person can actually receive. We also talk about where integrated physical and mental healthcare is headed and why it matters more than most people realize.
This conversation is for HR leaders, healthcare providers, therapists in training, and anyone thinking about what it means to really see the people they are trying to help.
What you'll learn in this episode:
What is actually driving the shortage of Black therapists and what flexible institutions like National University are doing about it
What "culturally responsive care" looks like in daily clinical practice
Why collective worldview is not the same as personal preference and why missing that distinction derails treatment
Why humility, not expertise, is the most important thing a healthcare provider or leader can bring to any conversation
How integrated physical and mental healthcare is already reducing costs and improving outcomes
CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:
00:37 Dr. McLean on why he focused his career on Black mental health
04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing)
04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left
06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem.
07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship
08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal
09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic
11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One
11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now
Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.
