The Family Express – Details, episodes & analysis

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Dr. James Hawkins from Arkansas. Our episode focuses on shame as a parental block.   All Aboard !

1:00. James opens with what he likes about in EFFT.

5:20. We set our episode focus on parental shame and the impact on attachment when a parent is blocked by shame.

7:30. James locates when in a session we may see a parent get caught in their parental shame. Kathryn clarifies that as a child distills or opens up about their experience, then a parent may get hijacked by the shame as they metabolize what their child is saying and they lose their emotional balance.

9:40. The reframe: As the parent loses their emotional balance and is consumed by shame, the reframe is that this shows how much they care about their child and what their child goes through and experiences and thus shows the parental intent to caregive/to give care to their child when the child needs it.

10:30. James offers a demonstration of how to validate the good reason that shame is showing up at this moment for a parent (flipping the block intervention).

12:25. James talks about the importance of maintaining focus in EFFT sessions particularly when a child opens up to distill and share their experience. Focus: #1 stabilize/resource the child. #2 respond to parental shame by validating it and making sense of it showing up in that moment.

14:50. Kathryn and James relate to times when they have missed that focus and they missed reframing the parental shame and it has affected the kid. 

17:35. Kathryn provides a demonstration of an enactment of validating the kid's response to the parental shame, and then re-focusing back to the parent to help them respond to their child.

18:40. We discuss the power of attachment in coming alongside a parent who gets caught in shame, or when families get stuck in negative patterns.

23:53. James provides a demonstration of how he intervenes when a parent is in emotional distress (ie, shame) and a child moves into an emotional caregiving role to the parent. 

26:05. He honors and validates the good reasons for the existence of the child caregiving, and not only ask the child to "give up" that child caregiving of the parent.

28:00. James differentiates between experiential shame (that is an opening to parental accessibility) with appropriate time and place whereas "behavioral shame" as a defensive/protective strategy, and how behavioral shame in a pattern pulls for positive reinforcement/reassurance

29:45. James and Kathryn discuss the difference between guilt and shame. James describes that when a parent feels guilt in the moment, and then sees their child's position, and can convert this to caregiving action, this is an ideal moment and we the clinician want to put this into action with an engaged encounter (ie, enactment).

34:49. James describes one way to respond/intervene with a "behavioral shame" moment in a parent. He describes this is "a Sue intervention." His intervention focuses on making the process explicit, and some highlighting of the timing of the behavioral shame.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn de Bruin is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Dr. James Hawkins

Website:  https://www.dochawklpc.com

IG: doc_hawk_lpc

FB: dochawklpc

The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy Podcast

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest Norma Brito de la Cuesta from Costa Rica. Norma has a masters degree, and she has a vast history of experience in the field of psychology, and she is a practicing family therapist.

All Aboard !

0:55. Norma talks about her vast experience in the field of psychology. 

2:30. From all of her years of experience, Norma's #1 recommendation is to explore deeply with every family about the beliefs and values that guide a family. Norma cautions about implicit bias in the clinicians about what guides or organizes a family.

8:50. Norma describes how to validate what the parent/family brings up at the beginning of family therapy to then be able to ask relevant family-focused assessment questions. She describes that the clinician can say "I want to really understand you as a family, how you think, how you came to be the family that you are. I need to understand deeply who you are and this is coming from a respectful place in me. And so I have some specific questions to ask about."

10:35. Assessment subtopic #1: Parent/Caregiver Goals particularly around the spectrum of independence/autonomy to dependence. What are the hopes and dreams that parents have for their child(ren). Then partners have children and partners may bring the hopes and dreams of their parents/family of origin to their nuclear family. The question becomes "what is better?" 

13:00. Norma explains how the parent/caregiver fears interfere with the respect that kids need to live their own lives and the way the kid wants to live their own life.

15:15. Norma and Kathryn address how there is a generational shift in the younger generations who are empowered with their voice, they ask questions, and they express their opinions, and parents/caregivers need to respect that. Norma cautions that by continuing to setting limits on the kid and discouraging kids from their natural way of asking questions and expressing their opinion then they won't grow in their autonomy and self-responsibility for their life.

16:30. Assessment subtopic #2: Discipline. Parenting with love, support and limits. Norma and Kathryn discuss the interrelatedness of discipline and the purpose/function of discipline. Discipline is to protect the kids; discipline is not just to limit/limitations on the child. Parenting with love, support and limits creates structure and security for the growing child and provides a model of guidance.

21:50. Assessment subtopic #3: Communication. Norma explains how the parent needs to lead with listening and understanding why their child is sharing about a certain topic, and needs to hold their personal reaction or opinion for later. Kathryn and Norma have a discussion about the spectrum of direct and indirect communication.

31:25. Assessment subtopic #4: Education. Clinicians need to ask and listen about the value on the continuum of academic/education/learning-focus versus socialization/extracurriculars/play/fun in a family. 

34:55. Assessment subtopic #5: Family Structure (ie, Extended Family). Who is involved in this child's life and what are the values that those adults/extended family members emphasize with the child(ren)? Another aspect can be when parents see their own parents in the grandparent role be gentle with their children when the parent did not get that from their parent as a child. 

Stay tuned for Part Two of Norma's family assessment coming in mid-September.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn de Bruin is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Norma Brito here

IG: normabritodelacuesta

FB: Norma Brito

Welcome back to The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. In today's episode we honor and remember Sue Johnson, creator and founder of EFT, and we share our grief and loss with each other, and with our listeners.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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Welcome back for the next adventure of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. Today’s guest is Dr. Yamilka Urquiza and she will speak about her research into fostering empathy in kids. All Aboard !

1:41  Dr. Urquiza tells us about her upbringing in Cuba in a multi-generational households.

10:50 Her research findings included a reciprocity of caregiving between the generations.

13:00 Other findings included: for those now grown adults who had been a helper-caregiver as kids, they now had a positive attitude toward caregiving; also, increased empathy.

16:30 Dr. Urquiza shares her childhood experience of caregiving for her great grandpa in Cuba.

18:14 Through caregiving role/experiences, kids learn to think about others and the experiences of others and thus they grow their perspective-taking skill and empathy development.

19:48 The research participants who described having their own empathy and consideration of others expanded through the caregiving role/experience.

20:24 Kathryn describes the multi-generational context of her own kids are being raised in and how she helps them grow empathy and perspective-taking through conversations with them.

23:49 Kathryn expands their multi-perspective context to immigrant families.

25:10 Ronda describes her sadness about her kid being raised physically separated from his grandparents, and thus this opportunity for exposure to multiple perspectives is more limited.

27:09 Kathryn describes how attachment can be developed across time and space.

31:01. Dr. Yamilka describes how her son now, without prompting, goes to the nearby senior facility to pay saxophone for the elderly.

33:44 Dr. Yamilka describes her joy in finding this positive benefit of fostering empathy from caregiving when previous research had found negative impact and stigma.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Dr. Yamilka Urquiza

Email: dr.urquiza@halcyonfh.com

Tel: (619) 786-0052

Website: www.halcyonfh.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Allie Zangari, LMHC, LMFT from Florida. Allie shares about her journey into EFFT. All Aboard !

1:05 Allie tells us how she applied EFT for couples to EFT for families.

3:00 Allie and Kathryn talk about how the flexibility in the EFFT session structure is helpful and at times can bring on overwhelm for the EFFT therapist. They begin to explore the duality of the in inherent EFFT map and structure with the freedom that EFFT offers.

8:00 Allie shares where she can get stuck: in helping parents become accessible, and identifying and accessing parental intent.

10:45 Kathryn validates Allie that when "mining for parental intent" is a struggle, one intervention we do have is to make that explicit in an empathic way, and this piece of work for parental intent may be done in individual sessions.

19:15. Allie and Kathryn discuss the importance of being transparent about emotional safety with a teen or adult child is critical in helping the teen or adult child in adjusting their expectations.

24:55. Allie explores how parents can continue to have influence on their children as they grow up be embracing two goals.

27:00. Kathryn describes the importance of parents reflecting on how they are perceived by others when the parent is in their protective strategy.

27:35 Ronda tells a story from her life about when her child reflected back to her about her protective strategy.

33:07 Kathryn tells a story from her life about when her protective strategy was reflected back to her.

36:10 Allie empathizes that secure attachment comes from the process of rupture and repair. All parents (and people) will have reactive moments and it is in the repair that holds so much attachment value. 

37:10 Kathryn describes the depth and breadth of what can be included in a repair conversation such "what advice do you have for me as a parent? What could I be working on?"

38:09 We explore the complexity that an EFFT therapist needs to respond to when a reactive moment occurs in session in stage 1. We describe how we can keep (or regain :-) our emotional balance in these reactive moments by narrating the structure and safety priorities outloud.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Allie Zangari

Email:    allisonzangari@gmail.com

Website:   zangaricounseling.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans. Listen along today as our guest Berenice Leon-Fonseca from San Diego, California shares her experience in working with families going through high conflict divorce cases using a family systems perspective. Our conversation focuses on the process in the initial stage of assessment and alliance building. All Aboard !

1:32 Berenice tells us the path she took to get to this destination.

5:19 Parental buy-in starts with a therapist who believes that the co-parenting relationship needs to be the focus.

6:14 Building a co-parenting relationship starts with the intake call.

7:20 The miracle question in the intake call

11:50 In the intake call, building alliance in these families means emphasizing to the parents that they have a voice with you as the family therapist

16:04 The first session is a parent-only session

20:00 To guide the treatment plan, Berenice will follow a court order including how much to involve a parent or whether or not to reach out to a parent

23:00 Getting access to the family system will be slower and the conceptualization will be slower, but it will get the family farther and faster.

23:50 Berenice tells us about a real life experience in which slowing down and leaning in to a parents’ experience can reveal so much about a family’s struggle including the negative cycle

32:35 Berenice talks about how therapists can equip themselves including facing our own fears and getting support and hope from leaning on others.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Berenice

Email: berenice@heartandhometherapy.com

Phone: 619-361-1168

Address: 3511 Camino del Rio, S, Ste. 500 San Diego, CA 92108 

Website: heartandhometherapy.com

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. This episode’s adventure takes us to the diverse experience of neurodivergence. Our guest today is Kat Austin, LPC, LAC, LMFT from Boulder, Colorado, USA. All Aboard !

2:40 Kat opens with the vulnerability that it is to be a parent, and that parental shame gets evoked.

4:14 Kat describes the anecdote for shame.

7:15 How shame can show up in a neurotypical parent and a neurodiverse parent.

9:58 Exploring the loss, the discovery of differences in brains, and psychoeducation and how making the implicit explicit for the whole family system (parents, siblings, grandparents, and more) can be helpful and organizing.

11:58 The family is learning together in real-time. Help the family adopt the reframe of discovery and experimentation

13:37 Families are getting stuck around difficulty with emotional regulation. Parents need to have their own strong emotional regulation skills. The goal is for the “most responsivity” to stay online.

14:46 Parents can get blocked by grief.

15:11 Families can struggle around organizational and structural needs such as sequencing, hyperfocus and time blindness.

19:00 Recommendations, resources and referrals for families.

22:50 How can we help families when they don’t know or recognize that neurodivergence is showing up in the family? 

28:15 Kat discusses the philosophical question of labeling or diagnosing, or not.

29:40 Being diagnosed or treated for ADHD can lower risk of depression, anxiety, and substance use and can improve self-identity and self-worth.

32:20 Advocate for your family, especially in the school system.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn de Bruin

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You can follow Ronda Evans

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You can follow Kat Austin

Website

Facebook

Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin, LMFT and Ronda Evans, LMFT where our destination is resilient and connected families. Join us for a conversation about the changes in families and family therapy in Egypt with our guest Eman Onsy. She is the current director and co-founder of the Egypt Emotionally Focused Therapy Community and is a Certified EFT therapist.

All Aboard !

2:15    ICEEFT will formally introduce EFFT to Egypt in January 2024. 

Our own Kathryn de Bruin will provide this training!

3:59    EFFT is culturally appropriate for Egyptian families.

8:15    Eman reframes parental buy-in to changes in stigma about therapy,

and to improved accessibility to trained helping professionals

15:52   How has the parenting landscape changed in Egypt

18:28    “Raise your kids not for your generation, but for the coming generations” - an Islamic quote

20:12    Ronda and Kathryn summarize Eman’s perspective of how Egyptian counselors are helping families make these shifts: by tapping into the built-in magic of attachment and that every parent wants to feel like a successful parent

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, Certified EFT Supervisors and and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

Thank you for listening!

You can follow Kathryn

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You can follow Ronda 

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You can follow Eman

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Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin, LMFT and Ronda Evans, LMFT. This episode adventure is all about finding the herd, and the safety that comes with being connected to one's herd. Our guest today is Dr. Ryan Rana, LMFT, LPC, Ph.D. of Arkansas. All Aboard !

Dr. Ryan Rana describes the significance of the felt sense of safety and connection for survival, and how losing one's herd is a threat to that safety. As Dr Ryan says, “outside of the herd, the body won’t down-regulate.” By contrast, when someone feels connected to their herd, “they can down-regulate stress and this leads to resilience.” This is exactly what The Family Express podcast is all about: destination connection and resilience.  All Aboard !

4:12 Human behavior, driven by survival instincts, seeks to define relationships for connection.

5:13 Addressing students' mental health means addressing social connections.

7:09 Cultural challenges make it difficult to recognize systemic factors affecting children's behavior which makes effective intervention difficult.

14:03 To establish trust, Ryan focuses on building a personal connection with parents before delving into parenting techniques.

20:48 Ryan encourages giving parents space to express frustrations without the child present.

25:19 Ryan points out that establishing trust with adults takes time, whereas kids, lacking strong protective barriers, often build trust more quickly.

27:14 As a foster parent with both biological and non-biological children, Ryan acknowledges inherent vulnerabilities and attachment needs.

28:31 Finding a supportive community impacts brain function, aiding stress regulation and fostering resilience in individuals.

30:27 Ryan adds that creating supportive connections is crucial for adults too; even small social interactions positively impact emotional health.

Thank you for listening!

Kathryn an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are licensed marriage and family therapists, Certified EFT Supervisors and Therapists, and they are both AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn

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You can follow Ronda 

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You can follow Dr. Ryan Rana

On Facebook  Website

The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy Podcast

www.successinvulnerability.com

Welcome back to The Family Express podcast where we embark on a journey of resilience and connection. Tune in today for our very first guest, the incredible Liliana Baylon! Liliana is an immigrant from Mexico with over thirty years of experience working with Latino families in Colorado. We delve into her extensive work and research with immigrants, refugees, and undocumented children.

All Aboard!

Liliana offers an insightful glimpse into the challenges faced by Latino immigrants. She shares her personal experiences, and the misconceptions, and the harmful stereotypes surrounding Latino families. The breadth of her work emphasizes the importance of cultural understanding. She sheds light on the impact of social services on minority families and the socioeconomic challenges that are often experienced, and she addresses language barriers, immigration status, and the need for sensitivity in therapy sessions. We are so grateful for Liliana's dedication and passion.

0:27 We are so excited to welcome our very first guest, Liliana Baylon!

0:59 Liliana shares a little bit about herself and her work.

2:56 Immigrant children, arriving with parents, face challenges due to undocumented status.

8:06  Parents often fear their children adopting conflicting behaviors.

9:30  Liliana reflects on how parents express grief for what they left, and concern for cultural identity.

11:54  Liliana emphasizes the need for organized adjustments for kids, balancing survival and family values.

20:20  Social Services is frequently involved with racial minorities due to cultural misunderstandings and language barriers in mental health sessions.

22:22 Liliana addresses socioeconomic challenges, resource access, immigration status, and acculturation stress faced by minorities in therapy.

28:04 Liliana encourages cultural attunement by encouraging us to slow down, and and to embrace diversity in language, traditions, and backgrounds.

29:11 As an attachment therapist, Liliana emphasizes adapting models for diverse populations, and incorporating play therapy for children.

Thank you for listening!

Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists. Kathryn is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer, Supervisor and Therapist. Ronda is an ICEEFT Certified Supervisor and Therapist. They are both AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

You can follow Kathryn

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You can follow Ronda 

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You can contact Liliana Baylon

Website: www.lilianabaylon.com https://linktr.ee/lilianabaylon