The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

Divorce can be a financial minefield, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Throughout September, we’ll be cutting through the confusion to help you take control of your financial future. Finances are often the hardest part of the divorce process for women. We’re often left feeling financially powerless—disempowered by a system that’s not built for us (more on that topic, in October). Here’s the truth: your path to financial independence is possible. This month, I’m laser-focused on breaking down the money issues women face in divorce. If you’ve had your head in the sand about your finances, that’s okay. The time for financial empowerment is now—without judgment, just clarity and strength.  Some of the topics we’ll be covering this month include:   Navigating financial challenges in divorce Clarity and control over what’s truly yours by understanding asset division Claiming your worth: spousal support and non-monetary contributions From Stay-at-Home to Financial Independence Strategizing your long-term financial future post-divorce And, so much more! Join us as we dive into empowering women through financial independence and support, before, during, and after divorce. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective The D-Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage Divorce Money Guide Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-288-womens-financial-empowerment-intro-to-the-series/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tracy Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast, joins me for a conversation about how ADHD uniquely shows up in women. We dig into why it’s often overlooked or misunderstood because the symptoms don’t always match up with what you see in men. We break down the top three signs of ADHD, how hormonal changes play a role, and why embracing your strengths is way more effective than trying to "fix" your weaknesses. Tracy also opens up about the emotional toll ADHD can take and offers practical advice for supporting kids with ADHD. Tune in to learn how ADHD impacts women navigating divorce and get tips for handling it all with confidence and self-compassion. Featured topics: How to recognize ADHD symptoms and how to advocate for care and the right diagnosis (3:28) Understanding ADHD in women, including how it shows up and how hormonal shifts shape your experience (7:14) Supporting kids with ADHD and tackling co-parenting challenges with confidence (21:55) Managing ADHD through divorce from diagnosis to treatment (32:25) Learn more about Tracy Otsuka: Tracy Otsuka, JD, is a certified ADHD coach and the host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast. Over the past decade, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength–not a weakness. Tracy leverages her analytical skills from being a lead counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to identify the right questions to ask her clients so they can boost their productivity, improve their finances, save failing relationships and live happier lives. Tracy’s expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top tier media including Inc, Forbes, ADDitude magazine, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she’s not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has over 5 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates a Facebook group with nearly 100,000 members. A married mother of two, Tracy lives in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco. Her new book, ADHD for Smart Ass Women is due out in December 2023. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective ADHD Smarts for Women Via Character Strengths Survey Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-287-adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're diving into the importance of self-care throughout your divorce process. Practicing self-care at this juncture is essential for managing the emotional and physical challenges you're going through. Self-care builds emotional resilience, helping you maintain mental well-being and decision-making ability, while also reducing stress and supporting your physical health. In this episode, I share some effective strategies to help you prioritize your well-being. You’ll hear: How to set boundaries not just with others, but also in deciding how and when you'll focus on the divorce process The importance of establishing routines that help you stay present with yourself and your children Understand the value of leaning on support groups to navigate through this period The need to attend to your physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and financial health Resources & Links: 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset Bundle Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-278-the-7-step-divorce-mindset-reset-self-care/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

October 1st marked the beginning of domestic violence awareness month. On September 30th, I learned that a member of my Facebook community was murdered by her boyfriend, who then turned the gun on himself. There are 11 murder-suicides rooted in domestic violence per week in the United States, so I decided to focus this week’s episode on the epidemic of domestic violence and shed light on it with some of my thoughts on how we can attempt to move beyond this in our society. Unfortunately, when I am educating victims, it is already too late.  In this episode, I talk about spreading awareness about raising our children to express their pain and feelings in a safe way, what to do if a co-parent is exhibiting toxic behavior, and the importance of educating yourself on domestic violence and abusive patterns or behaviors.   Episode highlights: If you are in a toxic relationship where you feel unsafe, create a safety plan before you leave. 75% of domestic homicides occur when a person leaves an abusive relationship. I share precisely how to create a safety plan  The importance of healing and doing trauma work after getting out of an abusive relationship  Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-one-of-our-members-was-murdered-last-week National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or TheHotline.org Non-violent parenting classesSafety plan outlineLeanne Oaten Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Annette Oltmans returns to the show this week for an important conversation about going to couples therapy with an abuser. We discuss what therapy with an abuser can look like, when it works, when it doesn’t work, and share strategies to protect yourself throughout.  Annette is one of the very few people whose abusive husband did change after going to therapy - separately and together. She also shares what her experience was like and offers insight into what is required to heal.  Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016. Show Highlights Signs to look out for during therapy that it's not working and/or that it’s dangerous to continue (9:24) Abuse victims need to experience therapeutic alignment that is on their side - that kind of support is not going to happen in couples therapy (13:20) The motivations and tactics of an abuser who agrees to go to couples therapy (31:03) If you are in a cycle of abuse, go to therapy, and nothing is changing - what do you do? (36:39) How to know therapy is working if you and your spouse decide to explore therapy separately (46:01) The victim should have a voice in the therapeutic process (47:55) It’s a long journey for an abuser to do the work to change - they won’t be changed within two months (51:55) A boundary without a consequence is just a complaint - the hard part is holding the boundary (54:57) Learn more about Annette Oltmans: Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m often asked, “What does a healthy relationship even look like?” Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, author, holistic psychotherapist, and codependency expert, joins me for a conversation that addresses that question. Plus, we discuss her new book, which she co-authored with her partner, John Kim (AKA: The Angry Therapist), “It’s Not Me, It’s You: Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.” The book covers the top ten issues couples struggle with and how they can work through them. We also discuss codependence versus interdependence, love languages, and more.  Vanessa’s therapeutic approach integrates years of study and practice in Depth, Buddhist, and Yoga Psychology. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul-based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curriculum for non-profit and corporate events and conferences. Show Highlights Halt the blame: codependency is universal and systemic (10:05) Interdependence: what it is and its role in relationships (12:21) Taking away the shame around our codependent ways of relating (15:34) Love languages are like Cliff’s Notes for our needs (23:01) Moving towards interdependence and healing unhealthy codependency (28:02) When you break the blame cycle and own your shit, shifts in your relationships will happen (33:48) Learn more about Vanessa: After over a decade of grinding in the New York City corporate world, Vanessa Bennett realized her work, her relationships, and honestly, her life felt…off. She didn’t see it at first, but her path was finding her — and the journey she started to help herself ended up being her path to helping others. Cue the montage of her moving across the country, having a few breakdowns, heartbreaks, setbacks, taking hundreds of hours of training and workshops in yoga, yoga therapy, nutrition, somatic therapy, and reading lots and lots of books. Oh yeah, all while becoming a licensed therapist. It turns out that this passion paired well with her unique background in telling stories through marketing and corporate strategy, a longtime practice of meditation and yoga, and the fact that she’s a New Yorker who cuts to the point.  Today, Vanessa lives in Los Angeles and puts all of this to work as an Author, Licensed Holistic Psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur, and mental health content creator. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul-based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curricula for non-profit and corporate events and conferences. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/codependence-versus-interdependence-with-vanessa-bennett-lmft Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us! Vanessa’s website Vanessa on Instagram Vanessa on TikTok TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before we dive into this week’s show, I wanted to share that my group coaching experience, Grit & Grace, is open! If you are ready to create profound shifts to own your worth, your strength, and your power - Grit & Grace is for you. To learn more about the program or to sign up for a consultation visit KateAnthony.com/Coaching. Certified Family Law Specialist Monica Mazzei joins me to talk about why everyone should have a pre-marital agreement - yes, a prenup! Monica is passionate about what she does and has made it her mission to educate others about everything family law—including this topic.  During our conversation, we discuss the benefits of having a pre-marital agreement, why prenups are not just for high-net-worth individuals, and what happens if a spouse tries to fight the prenup during a divorce. If you don’t have assets or think you don’t need a prenup, but think you might get married again in the future, this episode is a must-listen. Show Highlights The family law system is outdated especially in the area of pre-marital agreements (6:53) Conversations about pre-marital agreements offer transparency and may lead to greater intimacy (10:00) Monica explains what information and details go into a prenup - it should be a clear roadmap of what is going to happen if you get divorced (11:51) How to start the conversation with a partner about creating a pre-marital agreement (22:08) Co-habitation and Nesting agreements: what are they and what should go into them (26:04) Why a pre-martial agreement is the most impactful one you can have, where you choose your own rules and destiny as a couple if things don’t work out (34:35) Learn more about Monica:Monica Mazzei is a Certified Family Law Specialist representing clients in the Bay Area, with a concentration in San Francisco and Silicon Valley, as well as Los Angeles. She represents high-net-worth clients throughout the divorce process and in mediation. Monica has been named a California Super Lawyer from 2015-2019 and has been recognized in the international Chambers High Net Worth 2017-2019 guide for Family/Matrimonial Law. Monica specializes in dissolution actions involving complicated valuation and financial matters, and complex community property and support issues, including international issues, and dissolutions involving hedge funds, private equity, venture capital, and privately held businesses. Monica takes a modern approach to the practice of family law – addressing various needs of her clients related and unrelated to their family law case. Monica has relationships with top professionals in the Bay Area such as forensic accountants, mental health professionals, real estate agents, financial advisors, and business valuation experts. She also works closely with estate planning attorneys to come up with creative solutions for her clients and ensure their agreements reflect their current objectives. Monica is a frequent lecturer and speaker on family law matters and has been interviewed by Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and Bloomberg.  Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/why-everyone-should-have-a-pre-marital-agreement-with-monica-mazzei/ Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us! Monica’s website Monica on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are talking about the legal aspect of high conflict divorce. When it comes to divorce, what most talk about from a legal sense isn’t applicable to those navigating a divorce with an abuser or high-conflict person. That’s why I asked my good friend, Susan Guthrie, Esq., to come back to the show and share what she knows about legal issues surrounding high-conflict situations.  Divorce is hard, divorce with a high conflict person is a completely different ball game. Listen to this episode to hear how to maneuver the legal system when divorcing an abusive or high-conflict spouse.  Show Highlights The tools do not exist in the legal system to change the behavior of a high-conflict person, but there are resources available that can help you protect yourself (6:09) High conflict people are unmanageable (11:37) Susan answers, “Can you mediate with someone who is actively lying and/or hiding assets?” (14:28) Why Susan says a consulting attorney is a necessity for the mediation process (19:01) When you are mediating or litigating with a high-conflict person, you move in small, purposeful steps (23:35) How to cope when an ex-spouse backs out of mediation at the last minute. Plus, what you can do from a legal perspective (33:48) Learn more about Susan: Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law Attorneys and Mediators in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for more than 30 years. Susan provides online divorce and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Budget Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Advanced Mediation Institute. In 2021 Susan launched her fresh and inspiring podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts” List for self-help podcasts and which is one of the Top 1.5 % of All Podcasts worldwide! Divorce & Beyond is focused on pulling back the curtain on the mysteries of the divorce process and bringing tips and resources to help people to thrive and shine in their new future beyond divorce. Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, News Nation, Forbes, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, Medium, and many more. She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-legal-qa-with-susan-guthrie-esq Grit and Grace Group Coaching starts on September 15th - Join us! Mosten Guthrie Academy BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict PeopleDSG Abuse Mini-Series: How to Communicate with a High-Conflict Co-Parent with Bill Eddy Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Ex with Bill Eddy on Divorce & Beyond  The Incredible Tale of One Mom’s Successful 10-Year Battle to Be Free of a Narcissist with Tina Swithin on Divorce & Beyond TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When women join book clubs, often, it’s not about books. It’s about being with one another, building each other up, and gaining a sense of comfort with each other. Women need community, it’s part of who we are. That’s why, this week, I continue the conversation about community and Grit & Grace, a coaching experience for women contemplating, going through, or recovering from divorce.  In this episode, I share openly and passionately why I created the Grit & Grace program, talk about some of the work we’ll do together including techniques for healing and grief recovery, the nuts and bolts of divorce, and share how you can join us!  Yes, you can do this work individually and make big changes. Or we can come together to make a seismic shift in our own lives and change the world while we're doing it. Plus, we heal exponentially when we do it together. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-grit--grace/ Join my new coaching program Grit & Grace! Why Women Need a Tribe By Tanja Taljaard and Azriel Re'ShelThe Science of Stuck with Tina SwithinDon’t Use These Terms! Words and Phrases to Avoid When Getting Divorced with Christina McGhee JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Britt Frank is the author of The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward. Many of my listeners are stuck on the idea of whether they should stay or go, or stuck in trauma and fear. That’s why I invited Britt to the show to talk about the small steps we can take to become unstuck and move forward with dignity.   Britt is a trauma specialist and psychotherapist. Her work focuses on empowering people to understand the mechanisms of our brains and bodies so we can break through procrastination and find our way home to ourselves. This conversation is amazing, I hope you enjoy it!  Show Highlights The fastest way to get out of being stuck is to take small steps (5:08) How to define the ‘first step’ to help you figure out your plan for getting unstuck (7:53) Dissociation is a self-protection mechanism - there’sa reason you’re not doing the thing you want to do: you’re experiencing the freeze response to trauma (13:11) Britt explains why we can’t think ourselves forward (16:04) We explore the steps to help you get unstuck including: Validating what’s happening and determining the resources available to help right now (22:40) Why Britt says to stay away from positive and negative thinking and instead focus on accurate thinking (24:52) Your inner critic wants to help, but they are just really bad at it! (27:59) Leaving a relationship requires detox and withdrawal (34:23) Self-sabotage is a way to self-protect - don’t blame yourself for self-sabotaging. Recognize it’s happening and then follow the steps to move through being stuck (39:41) Self-mothering is one the most powerful ways of breaking trauma bonds (44:24) Learn more about Britt Frank: Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator, and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com. Her debut book The Science of Stuck was released 3-22-22 by Penguin Random House. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-science-of-stuck-with-britt-frank/ Get on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace!Britt’s websiteBritt on Instagram Britt’s book Mother Hunger, Kelly McDaniel TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices