The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️ – Details, episodes & analysis

People-pleasing begins very early. It's based on our innate desire for approval as children. It can also be observed in others, such as our parents, and learned through misguided understandings of religious dogma.

Now, imagine treating as a superpower to deal with internalized trauma.it

If left unchecked, it can be embraced as an identity that negatively impacts how we show up and who we show up as in our relationships, platonic, romantic, professional, and otherwise.

Based on the article, Built to Endure, Not to Last

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If I could time travel, I wouldn't play the stock market. I'd show up at my high school locker to confront my former self. To comfort him. To warn him.

I honestly would not.

We often torture ourselves in the present for something we didn’t know or have the capacity to do differently in the past.

I know I have, and I wasted a lot of time doing it.

Even if you willingly went into a situation “wrong and strong” you were operating based on the knowledge and tools (or lack thereof) that you had available to you then.

Time, experience, and failures often wisen us up. Then we take what we learn and chastise our former, non-existent selves. Overlooking the obvious: those experiences are what created the learning and wisdom that benefits you now.

Yes, it may have sucked. But you don’t suck, and those things don't exist anymore, except in your mind. Give your previous self a break and thank them for teaching you the lessons you now know.

Listen to the episode to learn grace and forgiveness, for yourself.

Based on the article, Too Much Pomade, Not Enough Waves

Subscribe to my Substack at: https://ericleonpayne.substack.com

Buy me a cup of coffee here: https://buymeacoffee.com/ericleonpayne

Things don't always go as planned or envisioned. When this happens what do you do? Do you run away or do you stand and see your way through the mess? I experience this in grand fashion during Episode Four of Season Four. Things start off calmly enough with me trying to meet up in person with The Woman Dressed in Black I met in Episode 2 (Season Four), but things take a turn and accelerate full-speed into the unexpected. After all, isn't that one of the main things that makes life the beautiful tapestry of experiences that it is? In this episode, I come face to face with the unexpected and learn that much more about myself in the process.

Episode Hot Takes:

1. Emotional Desire versus Physical Desire vs. Chemistry
2. What to do when it's you not them
3. As always, the gift of the cold hard truth and learning how to be honest with yourself and your feelings, despite the urgings of others
4. Pretty is, but pretty so what?
5. Learning how to exercise grace rather than "winning"
6. Why unfollowing on social media matters (it doesn't)
7. Acknowledging pain and talking honestly about it with God

If you enjoyed the episode:

1. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
2. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
3. Check out my bonus episode, Dating In My Forties, featured on Medium here: https://datingafterdivorce.guide/episode/dating-in-my-forties
4. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist

To My First-Time Listeners: Thank you for listening! If you want to truly know what's going on you need to go back to Season One, Episode One, because that is where the story starts.

In this installment of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, my family life and my dating life begin to intersect. My youngest is older and has some pretty strong opinions on how her mother and I should be conducting ourselves as single, dating people. I call the woman who was Dressed In All Black Like the Omen (Episode 2) and I'm faced with a great opportunity, but my ego may be in the way...or perhaps it is my savior in disguise.

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To learn more about the show and more, visit: http://datingafterdivorce.guide

To follow me on Instagram: http://instragram.com/ericlpayne and http://instagram.com/datingafterdivorceguide

To subscribe to the podcast's music playlist on Spotify visit: https://epayne.me/playlist

If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode :

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Learn your worth. Speak your worth! https://gumroad.com/l/MinpA

This is a bonus episode, y'all! I wrote an article over at Medium and was encouraged to narrate it as well. Of course, that meant I had to share with all of you. I'll tease the content here but for the full transcript, visit www.medium.com/@ericPayne

TRANSCRIPT:

Dating In My Forties, by Eric Payne

By the time you read this, I will be nearing my fiftieth year on this planet though most mistake me for an old thirty-five or a young thirty-eight. When making conversation with strangers in public places such as gas stations, grocery stores, and parks, I’m struck when people either my age or younger occasionally address me as “young man.” I make no effort to correct them. Instead, I appreciate that life has been kind to my appearance, everything considered. I have two children — a twenty-six-year-old son and a fifteen-year-old daughter who is wise beyond her years, as most teenage girls are. On paper, I have joint custody of the youngest with their mother. But honestly, it’s often hard to think of myself as anything other than a single father. I’m the only adult in my house. When my life as Dad challenges and stretches me, no one is there to guide me with that needed woman’s touch — to let me know I’ve said too little or too much or am applying too much pressure or not enough. Of course, my ex-wife is only a phone call away, but in these moments, there is no teammate present to step in to catch my fumble, run the ball for me when I’m headed straight into interference, or tell me to take a seat so she can do her thing. At least, that is what I believe should happen in the moments when I’m out of ideas and patience...

Read the full article/transcript here with your exclusive Patron of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide Link!

Thank you for listening! If you like what you hear or read, please share with someone you believe will benefit.

Much Love,

E

You have to be old enough to have seen The Omen AND current enough (if you call the 90s current) to remember Lil’ Kim’s iconic line in “All About the Benjamins” to catch the reference I’m dropping here. Episode 2 of Season 4 of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide continues with the ongoing my ongoing post-divorce journey. Broken boundaries, making myself small, the past, present, and an unconfirmed future relationship collide at a birthday party where my insecurities are running high from the way I look, what I have to offer as a person, to the clothes I'm wearing. Although the growth is real, there are still many stumbling blocks along the way that this divorced guy has to overcome.

Visit http://datingafterdivorce.guide to learn more about the show, me, my Patreon support channel and more!

Follow me on Instagram at http://instragram.com/ericlpayne and http://instagram.com/datingafterdivorceguide

Subscribe to the playlist featuring the music that inspires the podcast here: https://epayne.me/playlist

If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode :

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Learn your worth. Speak your worth! https://gumroad.com/l/MinpA

The saga continues as I plot and plod my way through life after saying "goodbye" to forbidden love. While attending a birthday party I cross paths with my past but stumble upon something new. I push past my fear and shoot my shot, sort of.

If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Episodes are biweekly. See you again soon!

Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Learn your worth. Speak your worth! https://gumroad.com/l/MinpA

We're back like we never left! By we, I mean me because I really don't speak in the third person. Season Four kicks off with literally everything that could go wrong going full-speed into Wrong-Ville and Drama Town with a whole lot of texting and not enough talking, but along the way I discover and/or am reminded of the following:

1. What to do when co-parenting goes all the way wrong
2. Desire versus capacity
3. Freedom from the thoughts and opinions of others
4. The gift of the cold hard truth
5. Correction versus protection
6. Remembering your value and what you owe others

If you enjoyed the episode:

1. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
2. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
3. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist

"All my time has been focused on my freedom now. Why would I join 'em when I know that I can beat 'em now? They put their words on me, and they can eat 'em now…"

Ms. Lauryn Hill has the right idea on the new track, NOBODY where she spits facts about her growth alongside Nas. There is nothing more joyful and liberating than learning and loving yourself along the way.

Season 4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide begins August 26, 2021. The escapades continue as does the growth, self-awareness, peace, and self-love that comes when you look inward versus outward when you are met with unexpected and often undesirable events. 

Stay tuned for a chance to join me live for an Episode One “After-Party”. 

And please follow the playlist so you stay up to date on all the music that powers the podcast here: https://epayne.me/playlist

The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide is a serial podcast that thoughtfully and often hilariously narrates the journey of retired fatherhood blogger Eric Payne as he navigates the challenges of "starting over" after divorce.

From one-night stands to ghosting to online dating, to mental anguish and heartbreak to the self-care that is required of a 40+, divorced Black man and father in America, Eric tackles it all with fearless transparency, vulnerability, and a refreshing sense of humor — especially when it comes to making fun of himself. 

The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide is available on your favorite podcast platform. Subscribe today!