Natalie chats with writer GG Renee Hill, author of Story Work, about the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our lives. They discuss the impact of growing up with a mentally ill parent, estrangement, the way we humans judge ourselves in general, and how to rewrite narratives that leave room for hope rather than keeping you stuck.

**Note: After removing hissing from the recording, the sound quality isn't as good as usual, but it's still a great conversations!**

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Read the original article and comments

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Relevant links and resources on the topic

Future Faking, Fast Forwarding and Being The Good Girl/Guy. When You're Too Concerned With How You Look

Future Faking is partly about using intentions to enhance self-image

Understanding Why You Find It Hard To Get Over Someone Who Future Faked and Fast Forwarded

Fantasy vs Reality: When you struggle to differentiate between what was real and what wasn't

The Pop-Up Relationship: The Temporary Romance That Expires & Never Develops

Recovering from Somebody Doing a U-turn on Their Feelings or Proclaimed Intentions

We Need To Talk About: 'Ghosting' in the Early Stages of Dating

Did they just do a U-turn? When a person overestimates their level of interest or capacity for commitment

Ep. 223: The Gaslighting of Future Faking

Ep. 251: Spotting a Romance Scammer

Ep. 211: Too good to be true?

Ep. 140: The Truth About Lies

Ep. 135: In the Beginning… There Were Assumptions

Natalie talks with her publisher, JP, about her new mini memoir Let Go, exploring what it really means to release control, why vulnerability in storytelling matters, and how writing about letting go became exactly what she needed while navigating and processing surgery and the cancer diagnosis. 

Note: Let Go is available for a limited time (until August 5th, 2025) and only via The Pound Project. Please support. We only print what's sold. 🤞🏽 ❤️

Episode show notes: https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/297

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Natalie explores the unease we experience when we believe that things seem a little or a lot too perfect and what we can learn from it

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Natalie shares how we can use our awareness of certain habits as a notification that we are anxious about *something* so that we can take better care of ourselves. 

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In the first episode of 2021, Natalie breaks down compatibility, our ability co-exist harmoniously with someone or something. 

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What does a project shifting dramatically, increased work responsibilities or hours beyond what was originally agreed, an overbearing and critical partner who always 'knows best', and someone in a casual relationship thinking and behaving as if they're in an actual relationship have in common? They're all examples of scope creep. 

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So many of us have been conditioned to feel shame about loneliness and to misunderstand what it is and why we and others experience it. Natalie talks about shifting our perception of loneliness and how to understand our own loneliness experiences so that we can break out of any habits that fuel it but also be more supportive of others. 

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Some of us are waiting to have sex. It might be until marriage, it might be until the relationship has reached a certain point, it might be that we haven't had it yet and so we're waiting to trust someone enough to. Natalie talks about what we need to be mindful of if we are waiting and some of the issues we can come up against.  

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The trap that so many of us fall into when we recognise our discomfort or that we don't want to do something is having a passive response. Natalie shares four steps for having a more assertive response that allows you to feel good about yourself and evolve your boundaries. 

How To Say No: The Scripts

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Natalie talks about a subject that many people grapple with but often feel ashamed. Even if estrangement isn't something you've dealt with, this episode is also about how we need to update our perceptions of family and be empathetic and supportive of people who have a less than 'great' family experience. 

The Intuition Sessions

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Natalie does a deep dive into a subject that creates a level of discomfort in a lot of humans to answer a question that befuddles so many of us even though we put so much effort into trying to enjoy the benefits of intimacy or avoiding it: What is intimacy?

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It's 2020, and yet, so many of us have a confusing, complicated and even shameful relationship with sex that causes us to be and do things that don't reflect who we really are or what we really want. In what will be the first of several episodes over the coming weeks and months about sex, Natalie talks about why we need to evolve our relationship with sex.

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Natalie chats with Benjamin Camras about why modern dating feels so overwhelming, how apps have normalised intensity, and why flirting should be about genuine connection rather than manipulation or outcome.

Episode show notes: https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/296

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While it isn't a new issue, disappointment about online interactions not blossoming into something bigger and better in real life seems to have been heightened by the pandemic, thanks to it limiting our social interactions. Natalie talks about the importance of managing our imagination and expectations so that we don't end up falling for a hologram or setting ourselves up for a fall. 

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To celebrate the 200th episode of the podcast (yay!), Natalie sits down for a chat with her very first guest (and the one who came up with the idea for the show!), her husband, Em. Using questions from listeners, they give a little insight into their relationship, including how they met, how they knew they were each other's 'one', and overcoming conflict. 

**Please note**: This episode was recorded differently to other episodes due to needing to record another person. Thanks to the t'internet, there's a few times where the sound dips, but it's otherwise good!

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Natalie talks about why no isn't a dirty word and how it leads to saying yes to more of the people, things and opportunities that reflect who you really are. 

How To Say No: The Scripts

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We all have an idealised version of ourselves, an image that reflects perfection or that's certainly 'better' than reality. Natalie talks about how being disconnected from and not appreciating our actual real self in the pursuit of the idealised version can lead to problems and pain. 

The Perfectionism Sessions

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Ignoring or dismissing warning signs about a person or situation means that we ignore and dismiss ourselves. Natalie explains how categorising 'red flags' as code amber and red alerts help us to get grounded and acknowledge whether we're going against ourselves, ignoring incompatibility, or are in danger. 

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Sometimes we take things so personally that it derails us. We feel stuck in shame, rejection, rumination and resentment, and we might behave in ways that don't reflect who we are in the main. Natalie talks about why this happens and how to break the habit. 

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Sometimes, how we feel on the inside doesn't match what we're doing on the outside. We act what we think is 'nice' as a way to suppress and repress ourselves. In other instances, we encounter someone who seems 'nice' but they cross our boundaries or we feel what we think is 'irrationally' annoyed, resentful or frustrated with them and can't put our finger on why. Natalie talks about why 'nice' can sometimes be a means of covering up anger and control. 

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Natalie explains why over-giving, over-responsibility, people-pleasing, perfectionism and overthinking are forms of self-sabotage. 

**Please note! The podcast will go on hiatus until 11th September. 

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Am I doing boundaries right? Is this an OK boundary for me to have? 

Natalie explains how we can use the landmarks of boundaried communication--compassion, congruency, clarity, ownership and grace--to help us see the wood for the trees and build our confidence with communicating who we are through healthier boundaries. 

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So many of us don't realise how we spend our lives doing things from a place of guilt. We think we're being noble and loving, but near-constantly feeling bad about ourselves and avoiding healthy boundaries and self-care leads to resentment and unhealthy relationships. Natalie talks about what's really going on with our perpetual guilt. 

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Natalie shares a personal update about taking a brief podcast break to recalibrate after a challenging year of surgery, medical menopause, and cancer diagnosis - plus encouragement for anyone wrestling with giving themselves permission to pause.

Episode show notes: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/295

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Defining the relationship is something that so many people struggle with even though they want to know where they stand and hate ambiguity and the anxiety that comes with it. Natalie talks about why defining the relationship conversations don't have to be so awkward and scary. 

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Weeks, months or even years have gone by, and we're still seething or angsting over that foot we think we put wrong or what we imagine our oh-so-powerful influence caused someone or a situation to become. Natalie delves into why we languish on the notion that we scared something or someone away. 

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Chemistry, that hard-to-put-your-finger-on feeling that we experience (or think we do) with certain people is a relationship pothole that so many of us walk into time and again. Natalie breaks down why we mistake 'chemistry' for emotional disturbance and shares tips for breaking the habit to forge healthier relationships. 

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How do we distinguish a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one? Natalie explains the landmarks of healthy relationships: balance, commitment, consistency, intimacy and progression.

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When promising chats and dates don't lead to the relationship we want and anticipated, we can feel stuck in a frustrating dating cycle. But what if what's causing the lather, rinse, repeat is a couple of particular blind spots that keep setting us up for disappointment? 

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Natalie expands on a video she shared on Instagram to explain how to match your actions with your intentions and words during this time of increased awareness and conversations about racism.

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There was a time when people thought that gaslighting was something that occurred purely within the context of abusive relationships, but it's far more prevalent than we realise. Natalie shares examples and how to recognise it, plus she explains why we mustn't normalise gaslighting and let it go unchecked. 

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Natalie explores four common responses to the pandemic that people are grappling with: Why am I feeling OK?, Why am I not OK?, Why am I so angry?, and Why aren't I doing more? 

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When Natalie mentioned on Instagram Stories that she was loving the TV adaption of Sally Rooney's novel, Normal People, she received a flurry of replies about this portrayal of a casual (sometimes secret) relationship mixed with a complicated friendship. Natalie talks about some of the sources of hurt and misunderstanding in casual relationships and what we can learn from our participation. 

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What if having your needs and wants met has absolutely nothing to do with how worthy you are and whether you 'deserve' it? Natalie shares a recent light-bulb moment and talks about why we have to stop telling ourselves the lie that our worthiness is to blame. 

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Natalie challenges the exhausting habit of self-blame when things go wrong, exploring why we make everything about our "unworthiness" rather than recognising systemic issues or others' responsibility. A compassionate reminder that it's not all on you.

Episode show notes: https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/294

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Humans don't like unsatisfactory endings, hence why we feel as if we're left hanging by the sudden cancellation of a TV series or a dodgy ending. Natalie talks about how our desire to close loops can cause us to do things like seek validation, wait for a call we didn't want or to feel as if the 'bad guy' won. 

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When someone shows us who they are, they're showing us their values. If that's different to who we are and where we want to go, we have to acknowledge this. But sometimes, despite what we know, we look to give a second (or umpteenth) chance. Natalie breaks down what's really going on in these situations so that when we do give (or receive) chances, we do so with more awareness and truth. 

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When an ex who didn't treat us with love, care, trust and respect starts saying 'all the right things', it's all-too-easy to be nostalgic. Before we plot our fairy-tale ending or abandon opportunities, our current relationship or even ourselves and the growth we've experienced since the relationship ended, let's check ourselves. 

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So many of us struggle with giving ourselves permission to feel our feelings, especially when it comes to anger. Natalie talks about why allowing ourselves to feel angry is critical to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing, and why acknowledging our 'silent rage' helps us to be more aware of our people-pleasing.

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What's your tolerance for discomfort, boredom or time out from your typical routine? Natalie talks about our discomfort with having time and space, especially when it means that we might feel and think more than our typical way of life allows for. 

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Natalie revisits the topic of improving communication in our intimate relationships. When we recognise that we're experiencing an issue or that we need to express difficult emotions or thoughts, we sometimes decide to keep it to ourselves so that we don't hurt the other party's feelings or ourselves. But the moment we do this, we're blocking intimacy. It creates more problems than if we'd spoken up in the first place.

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What do you do when you feel as if your whole world has been turned upside down? Well, that's something that a lot of us are feeling right now. Natalie shares some thoughts on navigating anxiety and uncertainty. She also digs into some questions/situations that have cropped up thanks to Coronavirus:

• Do I have to check up on people/family?
• My ex reached out to me. What does it mean? What do I do?
• I'm thinking about contacting my ex. Also, what am I going to do about dating???
• How do I deal with other people's anxiety about the Coronavirus?
• I feel bad about needing to run my business and selling my products/services?

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Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where it becomes apparent that we're not taking the best care of ourselves, but also, that the other party is benefitting from it. Natalie talks about why even though we can do something, like keep messing with someone who is way more into us than we are, it doesn't mean that we should. 

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Have you ever experienced stonewalling in a relationship (or possibly engaged in it yourself)? In another episode about understanding and improving communication in our intimate relationships, Natalie breaks down stonewalling including delving into three common scenarios:

• Shutting down expressing of feelings, thoughts and concerns.
• Using stonewalling and silent treatment to communicate displeasure or be punitive. 
• Stonewalling and then blindsiding with a breakup.

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Natalie talks about why not knowing what you want doesn't have to mean something terrible and why it's going to be tricky to listen to what you want if you're not listening to and meeting your needs. 

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Natalie chats with her friend Karen Arthur about their 16-year "age-gap" friendship and how Karen reinvented herself after 50, becoming a model, designer, podcaster and author after leaving a 28-year teaching career. A joyful reminder that it's never too late to bloom.

Episode show notes: https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/293

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Meeting someone new sometimes causes us to become preoccupied with answering the question 'Are you trustworthy?' When things are going well in an area of our life, this sometimes also causes us to wonder 'When are things going to go wrong?' Natalie talks about the anxiety of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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Something that makes so many of us nervous is navigating conflict within romantic relationships. Natalie revisits her five stages of relationship framework to explain conflict and how it's part of deepening intimacy in relationships and becoming more self-aware. 

*Please note*: The correct date for the New York workshop mentioned in the episode is May 24th not 23rd. Doh!

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Some people feel confused, angry and hurt when their relationship doesn't work out because they believed that the person 'should' have delivered because of self-care practices they engaged in. Natalie explains why just because someone journals, meditates, goes to yoga or therapy, it doesn't mean that they're super emotionally intelligent, really good at relationships or, yes, 'better' than you. 

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