Explore every episode of the podcast The Anxious Love Coach
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 93: Do you want to break up or fight right before your period? | 02 Sep 2024 | 00:50:01 | |
Scientific, biological, and spiritual reasons why you might feel disconnected from your partner before and during your period. I speak both to women experiencing this, and men who might want to know how to respond to this! I would like to reasure you that this dynamic is NOT a problem -- it is merely a symptom of one, and I'd like you to think much bigger at the internal imbalances at play so that you can enjoy one another all cycle long. If you get PMS, PMDD, anxiety, OCD, breakup urges strongest during your second half... this episode was MADE for you. Nat's Amazon book recomendations My previous episode of Anxious Love Coach on the menstral cycle Consciousness Exercise Series has been renamed to:
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| 92: "What if I want kids and my partner doesn't?" | 26 Aug 2024 | 00:50:42 | |
In the past I've touched on this as an incompatibility, but as usual — I think it's more nuanced than that, and there are a few things you might do to try to get on the same page before you either hang up your desires or call it quits.
Both Feet In Self-study only: FLASH SALE UNTIL 8/31 - 5 days left! Register here Upgrade to join the next BFI class series (6 week group) - Claim your spot here Next Patreon community call: September 13th at 9am PST - Become a patron here for $5-9/month to get access to Q&As with me monthly, exclusive posts, be part of intimate group discussions, get discounts, and get first access to things. Cancel anytime. | |||
| 83: How to stop comparing your relationship | 09 Jan 2024 | 00:19:54 | |
Hey! I'm testing out a new mic, so bear with me. 😉 If you tend to compare your partner to other people in real life or online, this episode is for you! I used to struggle with this a lot, but these tools have become second nature to me now and both my husband and I are much happier and more in love than ever.
Join me for Both Feet In - Abridged starting January 19th: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-abridged If you need immediate support, write me a Wisio. I'll make you a 7-10 minute custom video response. Here: https://wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach We will be bumping up to 2 calls a month on Patreon when we hit 250 patrons — one for Q&A and one for meditation practice! Our next call is January 21st at 11am PST. Join here: https://patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach
Who we are:
Time Stamps: 3:50 Grieving the lives that you were unable to live 4:40 Tips to stop comparing your relationship to those of others 13:40 Both Feet In - Abridged | |||
| 82: Ever wish you were in a relationship with someone else? | 18 Dec 2023 | 00:27:38 | |
So many clients of mine feel ashamed when they experience a crush while in partnership. It’s a highly charged, delicate topic! You’re not alone, and you’re not a bad partner. If you’ve experienced this, I’d like to give you some tools to navigate it ethically while also honoring your humanness. I’ll be covering 5 tips to get you from freaking out, to getting under the surface of your crush, to using it to enhance your relationship with yourself and maybe even your loved one.
Join me for Both Feet In - Abridged starting January 19th: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-abridged If you need immediate support, write me a Wisio. I'll make you a 7-10 minute custom video response. Here: https://wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach We will be bumping up to 2 calls a month on Patreon when we hit 250 patrons — one for Q&A and one for meditation practice! Our next call is January 21st at 11am PST. Join here: https://patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach
Who we are:
Time Stamps: 3:50 Allowing the fantasy of the crush 5:30 What happens in your mind is private 6:40 Who we perceive ourselves to be in the fantasy 9:15 Grieving your unlived lives 12:10 Working with the tension between opposites 15:20 Acknowledging what is going right in your relationship
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| 81: May I tell you about my miscarriage? | 16 Dec 2023 | 01:07:32 | |
Trigger warning: this episode is a story. It is chock-full of triggers, pain, grief, mentions of death, blood, and gore. If you've experienced miscarriage and there are some sore spots and tenderness, I might wait until you've gotten enough support to grieve before listening to this. In this episode, I share a recent loss, and how I've coped with it through ritual, embodiment, and dark humor. I'll also share the incredible things it taught me about love, loss, and letting go...
This may not be a "relationship anxiety" episode, but for those of you who are willing to traverse with me to a darker, messier place, I'm hopeful you'll gain metaphorical, transferable lessons on self-trust from a story where I go deeper than I've ever been able to go before... you may find it applies to you deeply still if you have ever loved.
Join me for Both Feet In - Abridged staring January 19th: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-abridged If you need immediate support, write me a Wisio. I'll make you a 7-10 minute custom video response. Here: https://wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach We will be bumping up to 2 calls a month on Patreon when we hit 250 patrons — one for Q&A and one for meditation practice! Our next call is January 21st at 11am PST. Join here: https://patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach
Who we are:
Time Stamps: 8:15 - Finding out that I was pregnant 13:15 - Dealing with my miscarriage 30:04 - Surrendering to and trusting the universe in the midst of fear 48:00 - My feelings after the miscarriage 1:00:01 - Gratitude as a response to adversity | |||
| 80: 5 things I'd tell my younger self before entering partnership with my now-husband | 13 Dec 2023 | 00:42:25 | |
I entered my relationship "knowing" Preston was the one... but then, years in, I stopped knowing anymore! In this episode, I speak to the younger version of myself that was struggling horribly with relationship anxiety. Some of you are in this place and I want to remind you that A) you're not alone, and B) you don't need to suffer with this forever. There are tools to give you clarity and support you with your doubts and fears.
Join me for Both Feet In - Abridged: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-abridged If you need immediate support, write me a Wisio. I'll make you a 7-10 minute custom video response. Here: https://wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach We will be bumping up to 2 calls a month on Patreon when we hit 250 patrons — one for Q&A and one for meditation practice! Our next call is January 21st at 11am PST. Join here: https://patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach
P.S. Thanks so much for your support after my last episode... I am feeling much better. I plan to speak on my experience more in a separate episode. But for now... I'm so grateful for my life and want to keep going. Also, I tried to make a shorter episode and failed 😄 OH WELL
Who we are: | |||
| 79: To be free from anxiety, get comfortable with disappointment. Here's why and how. | 04 Dec 2023 | 01:02:19 | |
In this episode, I'm sharing a vulnerable story and a recent personal loss... and what it has taught me. I want to share how loss, pain, grief, and disappointment are portals to the divine... if you will let them be so.
Patreon next call December 9 @ 11am PST: patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach Get a personalized video response: wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Both Feet In - Abridged: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-abridged use the code BLACKFRIDAY20 for 20% off until 12/10/23 11:59 pm PST
Who we are:
Time Stamps: 4:15 Relationship anxiety as a spiritual calling 7:25 If you want to be comfortable with anxiety, you must be comfortable with loss and feeling “naked” 16:00 The myth of “when you know, you’ll know” 29:00 Being free of anxiety means you just say “yes'“ to what is 30:25 How to be with disappointment 38:15 Both Feet In - Abridged | |||
| 78: Want to break up with your partner right before the holidays? | 13 Nov 2023 | 00:31:40 | |
Are you feeling an intense urge to break up right before Thanksgiving or winter break? You're not alone. It's actually very common! In this episode, I outline some common reasons behind holiday break-up urges and what you can do instead.
Patreon: patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach Get a personalized video response: wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Email me to get on the waiting list for early bird BFI rate at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com Who we are:
Time Stamps: 3:00 Breaking up and coming back to my partner during the holidays 7:40 How the holidays can bring up difficult feelings about your relationship 13:00 Wanting control over your life 19:40 What to do when you have breakup urges during the holidays 28:04 Earlybird discount for the upcoming Both Feet In coaching program | |||
| 77: For the partners of people with relationship anxiety | 24 Oct 2023 | 00:46:54 | |
If you: -are with someone struggling with relationship anxiety/ROCD and want to do your part... -were broken up with because of someone's RA... -are struggling with RA, but want to see what your partner's "work" is... -want to look at your RA from an outsider's perspective... ... then this episode is for you!
Links: Next Irvine, CA donations class - movement, breath, discussion, lunch Irvine Oct 29 10am PST Nov 5 @ 11am PST Exclusive content + monthly coaching (my husband is jumping on at 150 patrons and we are SO CLOSE.)
Time Stamps: 4:26 Being the most attracted to my partner when he was more selfish 7:51 Your partner’s relationship anxiety is not your fault/this person is wounded and trying to resolve their issues through you 12:40 Tools for a person whose partner has relationship anxiety 15:14 Keep focusing on yourself 20:00 Become ok with them leaving 24:10 Let control and let your partner be without trying to fix them 28:15 There is always the option to leave 31:12 You can still stay out of their inner process while still staying in the relationship 36:50 Don’t try to control your ex-partner if they break up with you by telling them they have relationship anxiety 39:23 My upcoming Both Feet In program in January | |||
| 76: 6 counter-cultural relationship beliefs we hold - with Chelsea Horton | 16 Oct 2023 | 01:16:25 | |
In this episode, my friend and other relationship anxiety practitioner, Chelsea Horton over at Healing Embodied, and I share our counter-cultural relationship beliefs that have served us well and brought us deep peace in our long-term partnerships.
This episode was recorded as a joint effort - meaning it showed up on both our podcasts, and there is no formal host. Enjoy 🙂
Links: Ask me anything and receive a 10 min video response: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Join my Patreon! We host monthly meetings on Zoom https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 7:00 Taking a non-entitled perspective on relationships 12:00 Creating a culture of gratitude in your relationship 14:30 #1 saying thank you to your partner even if you deserve what he/she gives 16:00 #2 I receive what I am given (say yes to what is 25:05 #3 I don’t need my partner to have similar interests to me in order to be happy 40:15 #4 I “settled” and I am deeply fulfilled (redefine what settling means to you) 46:55 #5 Trying to make my partner what I think they should be is not love, it is control 50:55 #6 I am 100% responsible for my own aliveness and pleasure 1:01:00 #7 I am okay with my partner not being perfect and fully evolved | |||
| 75: 10 ways to control your partner | 02 Oct 2023 | 00:42:57 | |
I really should have titled this, "10 ways Natalie is controlling." Ha! I hope you enjoy this episode. If you want to practice trusting your partner more, I give you 10 examples of ways to do this based on mistakes I've made. Listen to this episode, save your energy and breath and grant yourself relational/marital peace.
Links: Wisio is hosting a sale! Ask me anything for 10% off: Code: FALL23 https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Next Patreon group coaching call at Oct 8th, 11am PST/2pm EST https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 2:45 Thinking of my unsolicited feedback as helpful 5:00 The difference between letting go of control and tolerating disrespect 7:56 Trying to control my partner’s bedtime and waking time 16:06 Policing my partner’s food choices 18:01 Coaching my partner when we are out having fun 20:01 Undoing what my partner does and redoing it 21:40 Sending my partner relationship advice 24:00 Making sure that my partner did what his mother asked of him 25:20 Telling my partner how to act towards his friends 26:45 Controlling how my partner cooks 29:00 Trying to have my partner open up and have a deep conversation against his will 31:55 Trying to get my partner to be more present with me 39:30 Hosting a mindful movement class in Orange County | |||
| 74: Overcoming relationship anxiety through sisterhood/brotherhood | 26 Sep 2023 | 00:31:47 | |
In this episode, I share how the lack of sisterhood/brotherhood/community can contribute to relationship anxiety and dissatisfaction, and how to cultivate it.
Links: Ask me a question: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Next Patreon group coaching call at Oct 8th, 11am PST/2pm EST https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 5:00 Losing the passion in your relationship 8:10 The importance of a brotherhood and sisterhood 11:00 Attempts to fill the relationship void with outside sources 15:59 Unworthiness wounds and how they prevent us from accepting love 17:30 Your man will never understand what it’s like to be a woman and you will never understand what it’s like to be a man 20:30 How a lack of sisterhood can lead to nitpicking 24:30 The Anxious Love Coach Patreon | |||
| 91: The Uncertainty of Babymaking | 18 Aug 2024 | 00:40:10 | |
After a few-months long hiatus, I’m happy to share what I’ve been up to: settling down and starting a new life. In this episode, I share some of my own humbling realities and observations of trying to conceive. Do with them what you want. I hope you find them both reassuring and illuminating.
Work with me
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| 73: A quick way to get off the fence | 11 Sep 2023 | 00:22:44 | |
In this episode, I share a simple question that will help you ground yourself in reality, and actually move forward with life, if you're stuck on the fence over your relationship.
Links: Ask me a question: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Next Patreon group coaching call - September 20th @ 9am: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 2:48 Wanting to control or change my partner in order to continue in the relationship 3:58 Disclaimers about abusive relationships 7:56 Dealing with resentment in your relationship by “being on the fence” 9:45 Reasons we feel like we need to be in control of our partners 10:25 What to do when you’re on the fence 13:05 A question you can ask yourself if you’re on the fence | |||
| 72: Yes. In this day and age, lower your expectations | 28 Aug 2023 | 00:46:53 | |
In this episode, I talk about the curvature of expectations held in marriage/partnership over the centuries, and how in this day and age, it is beneficial, in some ways, to lower your expectations. I also address the "alpha male" and "high value man" conversation, and why we ought to be cautious and discerning about it. If you wish your partner was more spiritual or brought home more money, this episode will bring you some perspective, and how lowering your expectations will paradoxically open you up to receive MORE than you ever dreamed of in your partnership.
Links: Also, it’s my birthday! Take 31% off all my courses with the code BIRTHDAY31 until August 31: Conscious Communication Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/consciouscommunication Both Feet In Relationship Anxiety Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Quit Comparing Your Relationship Challenge: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days Ask me a question: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Join my Patreon here for more content and live monthly calls: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 3:00 Being happy with a loving, nonabusive, stable partner 5:25 Having both masculine and feminine sides to yourself 7:23 Ways I would “test” my partner in the past 16:00 Wanting your partner to “be more masculine” 18:12 The dangers of seeing your relationship as a competition 25:25 My thoughts on the new Barbie film 32:00 Social messages telling us to be extraordinary 33:23 Holding a desire for the life that you want vs. having expectations of your partner 36:50 The feminine will always want more 39:45 Don’t compare your nuanced relationship to a polarizing fantasy | |||
| 71: What makes a partner "good enough" to settle down with? | 21 Aug 2023 | 01:04:03 | |
What makes a partner "good enough" to settle down with? It's common knowledge (especially if you listen to my podcast often) that "perfect" isn't a realistic standard to search for when choosing a long-term partner. While your choice of partner is one of the most important choices you'll ever make, it doesn't mean you're settling if you chose "good enough." The question is, where is the line between "good enough" and "settling?" In this episode, I didn't necessarily draw that line for you, but gave you some different things to think about. I am hopeful that it will bring you some clarity and material for discussing with your partner when deciding whether or not to move forward. [I recorded this on a hot delirium of a day with no AC. I went on a tangent a couple of times. Forgive me!... or maybe you'll love them. Lol.]
Links: Also, it’s my birthday! Take 31% off all my courses with the code BIRTHDAY31 until August 31: Conscious Communication Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/consciouscommunication Both Feet In Relationship Anxiety Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Quit Comparing Your Relationship Challenge: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days Ask me a question: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Join my Patreon here for more content and live monthly calls: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps: 1:45 Good enough versus perfect 4:00 Wanting contradictory things out of our partner 9:00 Having a “boring”/socially awkward partner 12:03 Going through different seasons of your life with your partner 16:12 Dating in your 20s vs your 30s+ 19:34 Looks are important but the men who want to build a life with you will look for substance 21:00 Not knowing what you want in your 20s 24:18 Questions to ask yourself if you’re trying to figure out if your partner is “good enough” to settle down with 32:45 Women often mature more quickly than men 37:19 Dealing with incompatibilities 43:40 Being lead in your relationship in a nonabusive context
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| 70: How social media is turning you against your partner | 15 Aug 2023 | 00:49:11 | |
In this episode, I share how polarizing, black-and-white content on social media is pinning people against each other. I will also admit that I fell prey to this and started a fight with my husband before recording this episode. I also share what I learned from it and how I plan to do better.
Links: Also, it’s my birthday! Take 31% off all my courses with the code BIRTHDAY31: Conscious Communication Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/consciouscommunication Both Feet In Relationship Anxiety Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Quit Comparing Your Relationship Challenge: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days Ask me a question: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Evoke his Devotion 1 on 1 program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/evoke-his-devotion-1-on-1-program Overhaul, my 1 on 1 relationship anxiety program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/overhaul-1-on-1-program Join my Patreon here for more content and live monthly calls: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Time Stamps:
10:25 Some of the messages I’ve received about men from social media 15:59 The fight that we had today 22:45 How your pain can activate your partner’s pain 24:00 The importance of taking space when needed during arguments 31:50 The overwhelming fear of getting the short end of the stick in relationships 34:00 Nuanced content does not get attention on social media 36:55 Keeping the assumption that your partner loves you more than anything 41:00 Learning how to better have arguments | |||
| 69: Overcoming relationship anxiety through IFS Therapy with Alex Bishop | 01 Aug 2023 | 01:15:54 | |
It's my pleasure to bring on Alex Bishop, a registered counsellor and IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist, onto the podcast today. Alex has struggled with Relationship OCD/Relationship Anxiety, and disorganized attachment, and can speak deeply on the experience of pushing a partner away. In this episode, we discuss his story with overcoming ROCD, how parts work relates to relationship anxiety, the IFS model for overcoming doubts, fears, and "the ick" associated with ROCD, and some of the limitations of ERP therapy for overcoming ROCD specifically. If you have been feeling stuck, this episode will be SO validating for you, and can help you get on the path to free yourself from the overwhelming shame and anxiety! Find Alex over at @forloveweheal on Instagram.
Links:
Time Stamps: 3:00 - Alex’s experience with ROCD 16:42 - The importance of knowing your patterns when you have relationship anxiety 19:00 - How Alex used parts work/CBT 23:00 - How psychedelics can help with relationship anxiety 26:12 - Creating aliveness for yourself in your relationship 31:00 -Therapeutic routes to help with ROCD 42:50 - The causes of attraction obsessions 56:10 - Having different experiences that we label the same thing 57:50 - The limitation of ERP: Exposure and Response Prevention | |||
| 68: How to know if you’re in a toxic relationship | 10 Jul 2023 | 00:47:51 | |
I often add the disclaimer to relationship anxiety content to disregard my insight if you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship. But that begs the question for many: how does one know that the relationship they are in is toxic or abusive? In this episode, I’m going to lay out my nuanced thoughts on this, knowing full well there are limitations even to this line of thinking. We discuss power dynamics, manipulation, unconsciousness, malicious intent, and more. I am also hopeful that you will get more clarity on your situation, because in either case, if you are wondering this question, it is likely there is some unconsciousness that needs addressing.
Links:
Time Stamps: 9:30 My definition of abuse in a relationship 15:35 My definition of codependency in a relationship 18:01 Not trusting your partner to their own devices 20:32 Manipulating your partner in order to change them 27:50 Things in a relationship that are uncomfortable but not abusive 33:01 Is my partner gaslighting me? 34:35 What happens when you start to get happy in your relationship? 40:05 The power of saying more with less | |||
| 67: Can you heal from a breakup while in a relationship? | 05 Jun 2023 | 00:36:12 | |
If you’ve been preoccupied with thoughts about your ex, or are comparing your relationship to your ex, or are even grieving the un-pursued romance of a crush outside your partnership, you’re normal– and this episode is for you. In this episode, I share what these thoughts are really about (hint: it’s not the ex), and share how to use the crush-mirror to bring ourselves back onto our own papers into wholeness. I also share a vulnerable story of how I have done this for myself.
Links:
Time Stamps: 5:45 Seeking out chaos when we are with a stable, level-headed partner 10:00 A story about a crush I’ve thought about for over 10 years 19:50 Finding parts from your crush/ex that are missing in yourself 23:00 The ego would love to see someone who is unavailable become available 25:45 The dangers of putting the responsibility for your aliveness on another person 29:25 How a spiritual practice can help with anxiety | |||
| 66: Overcoming numbness toward your partner | 29 May 2023 | 00:50:54 | |
Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you’ve been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you’re longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it’s going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how.
Links:
Time Stamps: 4:15 Feeling like your partner is the cause of your numbness 11:05 Triggers are caused by pain that is already there 12:12 Reasons why you might be feeling numbness 22:30 Being overwhelmed by stimulation and how that creates numbness 23:40 “What get’s loud when you get quiet?” 25:40 Self-care tips to deal with numbness 36:10 Prioritizing self care when dealing with anxiety 38:15 Resensitization exercise | |||
| 65: Can you be “single” while in partnership? | 22 May 2023 | 00:22:41 | |
Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you’ve been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you’re longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it’s going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how.
Links:
Time Stamps: 2:10 Never having the opportunity to be single 4:10 Leaving your relationship to discover yourself 7:25 Self-care after a breakup 11:00 Ways to feel single in your relationship 14:48 Not being able to hook up with other people while in a relationship 19:10 Taking responsibility for your aliveness in a relationship | |||
| 64: Are you nurturing your “inner relationship”? with Luci Lampe | 16 May 2023 | 01:03:05 | |
It's easy to focus on our partners and neglect our own “inner relationship.” In this episode, my friend Luci Lampe and I discuss the balance between our masculine and feminine sides - yin and yang - for a better partnership. We also talk about aspects of the feminine archetypes that live within all of us that are often shamed and exiled – like the “slut” and the “crazy bitch”-- and how to love and utilize these parts in ways that serve us, so we can be more authentic, free, and full of aliveness. Links: Enroll in Wild Eros here: https://the-wild-awakening.teachable.com/?affcode=1051804_8anrysej Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work with me 1:1: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie
Time Stamps: 5:33 What is masculine/feminine union, and why is it important? 18:30 Collaborating in our masculine and feminine strengths 22:25 Toxic contexts for polarity 27:30 Getting sideswept by other potential partners when you are in crisis 29:00 The difference between dumping your emotions on someone and revealing your heart 31:00 The three exiled parts of the feminine: the slut, the witch and the crazy bitch 38:30 Properly integrating the exiled parts of the feminine 44:34 Being attuned to your body: a key to self trust 48:50 Coming into union with the masculine | |||
| 90: A Source of Your Relationship Anxiety | 27 May 2024 | 00:13:38 | |
This episode is a recording of an impromptu Instagram Live I did last week. If you can see this pattern in yourself, you can also find freedom!
Work with me:
Who we are: Natalie Kennedy @Anxiouslovecoach | |||
| 63: Why reassurance seeking is not free (and what to do instead) | 08 May 2023 | 00:39:04 | |
In this episode, I share the costs of reassurance seeking, the act of trying to find certainty about your relationship. If you tend to constantly be searching for the perfect piece of advice (even from me!), you’re addicted to the illusion of certainty as a means of feeling safe. Listen to this episode for things you can do instead to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and not dampen it through reassurance-seeking.
Links: Both Feet In: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Patreon - next call May 15: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work with me 1:1: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie
2:28 Why do we seek assurance when we have relationship anxiety? 7:50 The hidden costs of assurance seeking 12:35 How assurance-seeking can make your partner seem less attractive to you 16:50 The importance of standing on your own two feet in terms of self-trust 20:00 The danger of becoming addicted to certainty 28:30 Healthier alternatives to assurance seeking 33:27 - Your partner is in their own process, they cannot come to your rescue
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| 62: Why a lack of commitment is not freedom | 01 May 2023 | 00:47:52 | |
In this episode, I unpack one of the biggest hidden myths I see in society: that commitment = lack of freedom. If you struggle with commitment, I will share with you some reasons why you might be struggling, as well as some shifts that have helped me become more confident in committing with my whole heart and building a life I love and deserve.
3:28 Why my partner found it hard to commit at first 7:00 I did pick a partner who was serious about me 8:45 Wanting to move forward for societal reasons 10:35 Moving forward will not change your relationship issues 11:45 Common fears about commitment 13:25 How judging others can lead to fears of certain outcomes in your relationship 16:19 The stakes of never committing 19:00 The importance of having a vision for your own life 20:00 The benefits of wanting what you have while still desiring what you don’t have 22:50 My desire to create a legacy for myself 25:55 Cleanin up your side of the street 28:20 Regardless of how we feel, we know we have a life to build together 30:50 None of us are missing out 32:24 How making a commitment can grant you more freedom 35:15 You don’t need to have the certainty to proceed | |||
| 61: How do you know if you’re in the “right” relationship? With coach Sarah Yudkin | 24 Apr 2023 | 00:54:30 | |
In this episode, I chat with a dear friend of mine and coach, Sarah Yudkin, who has been inhabiting the relationship anxiety space with me for years! In this episode, we address the following: What is “the right” relationship and is that even the question we should be asking ourselves? What it means to make an aligned decision How does one discern whether or not a relationship is worth investing more time into? Find Sarah over at www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn
Other links: If you want to attend my retreats in June or September, email me “RETREAT” at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com Pick my brain on Wisio here: www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work 1:1 with me here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie | |||
| 60: "I am so controlling of my partner but I don't know how to stop. Help!" | 10 Apr 2023 | 01:00:56 | |
If you experience relationship anxiety, you might be familiar with the urge to try to change your partner so that you can feel better about your decision to be with them, and stop doubting the relationship so much! You’re not alone. It can be so hard to change this pattern, but I believe it can be done with some determination, patience, and humility. This episode can help you trust your partner (and your decisions) more, restore intimacy and closeness, and start moving you in the direction of the relationship you desire.
SUPER exciting: join me on Patreon! We will meet monthly for a hangout and Q/A where I (and our ALC family) can support and hold you through the experience of navigating love through uncertainty. First 50 patrons get permanent $5/month for all benefits of our top tier. Become a patron here: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach
Email me at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com to inquire about my retreats in Austria with my meditation teacher, Stefi Preiss, this summer.
5:42- Keeping your eyes on your paper and cleaning up your side of the street 6:30 -Feeling like you picked the wrong partner 10:00 - The three things I thought I could do to change my partner 16:30 - My desire for my partner to change 19:05 - Moving into the future and making empowering changes for yourself 20:25 - Your partner will not change if you try to change them 21:43 - Developing self-trust by overcoming adversity 23:00 - Imagine your inner controller who wants to control everything 24:00 - What are you afraid would happen if you stopped trying to control your partner? 26:00 - Some of the different methods of control that we use to control our partners 36:19 - The power of letting your partner make clean up their own messes 43:04 - “I will criticize my partner when I have stopped doing XYZ” 45:50 - The difference between wanting to delight you and not disappointing you 50:35 - Starting the Anxious Love Coach Patreon Fam 57:30 - Email me for more info on my Austria retreats in June and September | |||
| 59: How the pressure to have an amazing honeymoon/vacation can ruin it | 03 Apr 2023 | 00:40:23 | |
In this episode, I talk about the trap of “more is better” embedded in the honeymoon/vacation expectation and how that played out in our own honeymoon. It is my hope you can avoid this trap on your vacations! If you want to attend my retreats in June or September, email me “RETREAT” at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com Pick my brain on Wisio here: www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work 1:1 with me here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie
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| 58: 15 lessons on partnership I’ve learned from Argentine Tango | 21 Mar 2023 | 00:32:09 | |
This a fun episode for you – full of metaphors and nuanced relationship advice. Enjoy!
SALE on Programs through 2/22 - 3/25: 30% off with code HONEY30
https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days | |||
| 57: How I Broke Free from Relationship Anxiety: Revisited | 27 Feb 2023 | 01:14:37 | |
This episode is for those of you new to the podcast but haven’t heard my story, as well as for those of you who DO know my story, but might not know the new context around it since I’ve started Anxious Love Coach. I’ve learned a lot since running this business – and some of my perspectives have shifted over the last year that impact the messaging you may have heard from me earlier on. SALE on Programs through 2/22 - 3/25: 30% off with code HONEY30
https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days | |||
| 56: The 5 Stages of Relationship Evolution (and where relationship anxiety fits in) with Luci Lampe | 20 Feb 2023 | 01:24:45 | |
In this episode, Luci Lampe, a sex and relationship coach (who I’ve worked with personally) hops on the ALC podcast to share the 5 stages of relationship evolution. As you listen, get curious in which stage you and your partner might be in. Relationship anxiety falls into one of these categories, but overcoming relationship anxiety isn’t the end of the journey! It’s just the beginning. I hope this episode will give you insights into the long haul of the relationship journey. You can enroll in Luci’s programs through my affiliate link here: https://the-wild-awakening.teachable.com/?affcode=1051804_8anrysej | |||
| 55: Authenticity on social media is overrated | 06 Feb 2023 | 00:42:00 | |
Our obsession with authenticity is putting the responsibility of discerning “reality” vs. “not-reality” on creators – when this is not where our focus should be, as consumers. In this episode, I talk about how I think consumers’ obsession with authenticity has gone too far – and if we could change the conversation around authenticity, we would have less FOMO and “shoulds” and be a heck of a lot happier. https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Register for Quit Comparing Your Relationship in 7 days: A Telegram Challenge: February 8-14, 2023 https://anxiouslovecoachschool.teachable.com/p/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days | |||
| 54: How to set (and by extension, receive) boundaries | 30 Jan 2023 | 00:49:09 | |
One of many reasons we may feel anxious in relationship: we’re actually feeling resentful and not communicating our needs and boundaries at all, or effectively! In this episode, I break down what boundaries are as well as what they aren’t, some perspective shifts for recovering people-pleasers, and ways to communicate your boundaries in ways that will feel like sacred gifts.
https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Register for Quit Comparing Your Relationship in 7 days: A Telegram Challenge: February 8-14, 2023 https://anxiouslovecoachschool.teachable.com/p/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days | |||
| 89: How illusion is ruining your sex life and attraction (and what to do about it) | 04 Mar 2024 | 00:26:37 | |
My most "meta" episode yet...
If your suffering about your relationship is caused by comparisons to illusions (rose-colored memories of your ex, Disney, Tiktok), then can we flip the dynamic on its head and re-invigorate the relationship by using illusion to our advantage?
Warning: I'm about to ruin attraction for you in this episode.
**Upcoming: Sex Anxiety Clinic with Shayna Hiller - A virtual masterclass to awaken pleasure, and release shame and dread in the bedroom: March 14, 2024 at 2pm PST/5pm EST. Register here.
Ask me anything on Wisio: www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach
Who we are:
Time Stamps: 4:55 - Falling for the illusion of your partner 13:00 - Finding a partner that challenges your unconsciousness 16:35 - Two ways to improve your sex life 22:55 - Our sex anxiety clinic | |||
| 53: 3 ways to get rid of FOMO (fear of missing out) in a relationship | 23 Jan 2023 | 00:41:23 | |
In this episode, I talk about ‘Fear of Missing Out’ (FOMO) in partnership. In a society of (seeming) unlimited choices + constant comparison, it’s no wonder there are so many wandering eyes and anxious minds, wondering if we got the short end of the stick. I talk about a few strategies you can use to feel more confident in your decision, break the fantasy spell, and be able to more easily focus on the gift of your relationship right in front of your face.
Both Feet in Self Study Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course
Register for Quit Comparing Your Relationship in 7 days: http://anxiouslovecoachschool.teachable.com/p/quit-comparing-your-relationship-in-7-days | |||
| 52: It’s Not Always Depression with Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW | 16 Jan 2023 | 01:02:26 | |
“Emotions” like anxiety and depression are often cover emotions for deeper emotions like grief and anger – and working through our resistance to these emotions so we can arrive at our “core” emotions can help us access our calm, compassionate self. In this episode, I bring on emotions educator Hilary Jacobs Hendel, author of “It’s Not Always Depression,” to give you tangible tools for working through anxiety and depression to have a richer emotional experience.
Some extra resources: Why Can’t I Shut Off My Mind? https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/post/2018/03/03/why-can-t-i-shut-off-my-mind It’s Not Always Depression, Sometimes It’s Shame (NYT OpEd): https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/its-not-always-depression-sometimes-its- It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect With Your Authentic Self (Random House & Penguin UK): Print out the Change Triangle: https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/print-the-change-triangle Facilitate Emotions Education 101 Classes with the Emotions Education 101 Turnkey Curriculum: https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/ee101-train-the-trainer-course | |||
| 51: Contemplating death as a spiritual practice | 09 Jan 2023 | 00:35:18 | |
Although we may be entering a new year, this season is still about death and endings, and if we’re resistant to that, we may experience more anxiety than usual. In this episode, I speak to how death and endings are an important piece to the conversation when we are moving out of anxiety and into a rich inner experience. Find me on Youtube | |||
| 50: The Art of Receiving and Giving with Dr. Betty Martin | 26 Dec 2022 | 00:59:50 | |
You guys– I’m absolutely HONORED to be having Somatic Sex Educator and author, Dr. Betty Martin, on the podcast today, to be dissecting giving and receiving today. Her book, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent, has completely shifted how I look at my own patterns of giving and receiving in partnership, as well as expanded my intimacy skills with myself and other. A big component of self-trust in partnership is being able to articulate our desires, fears, boundaries, and to confront our belief systems on worthiness. All of which will be covered in this episode. Enjoy! | |||
| 49: 3 tips to overcome jealousy | 19 Dec 2022 | 00:50:28 | |
In this episode, I cover what causes jealousy in partnership, why it isn’t something to get rid of, and how to transform it into a gift rather than a hindrance to your relationship.
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| 48: How to increase polarity through body language with Kate Kali | 13 Dec 2022 | 01:05:52 | |
You guys. I finally bought on my BEST FRIEND of 6 years, Kate Kali, a hypnotherapist and body language expert, whose work and mine are having overlap these days! EEK! In this episode, we will give you some strategies to increase attraction, captivate your partner, and add aliveness in your partnership… JUST by changing your body language. It’s a FASCINATING episode that will totally change your life. Enjoy! | |||
| 47: 4 toxic moments from Love Is Blind Season 3 | 06 Dec 2022 | 00:26:22 | |
Spoilers in this one :) We're talking about the unconscious, toxic patterns and problematic beliefs that appeared in moments between Nancy + Bartise, Matt + Colleen, Raven + SK and Xanab + Cole (!! ). | |||
| 46: “Is it just relationship anxiety or are there actual issues in my relationship?" with Chelsea Joy Horton | 16 Sep 2022 | 00:54:38 | |
In this episode, I bring on one of my best friends and also colleagues sharing the relationship anxiety space to discuss the #1 question we both get asked in this field of work: Is it “just” relationship anxiety or are there legitimate problems in my relationship? We share why this is the wrong question to be asking yourself – and what you should be asking instead. We hope to bring you a lot of clarity and nuanced ways to look at this! With all our love… we may trigger you a bit!
Follow Chelsea on Instagram HERE: @healing.embodied Links: Register for TRIGGERED TO TRUTH (5 week group program for unpacking triggers in relationship): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/triggeredtotruth Enroll in BOTH FEET IN (signature self-study course for overcoming relationship anxiety): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Register for ALIVENESS FROM WITHIN (5-day women’s retreat in California): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/aliveness-from-within | |||
| 45: Listen to this if your partner watches porn | 13 Sep 2022 | 00:54:06 | |
A question we’ve had come up in our self-study course and also in our DMs– what do you do if your partner watches porn or follows a bunch of hot women on social media? (This speaks mostly to a pattern I see coming from women in relationships with men, but as always, not always.) In this episode, I share some thoughts on (particularly the excessive use of) pornography … as always, take what empowers you, and discard what doesn’t. This conversation has lots of context and nuance I can’t possibly cover in one episode! Links: Register for TRIGGERED TO TRUTH (5 week group program for unpacking triggers in relationship): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/triggeredtotruth Enroll in BOTH FEET IN (signature self-study course for overcoming relationship anxiety): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Register for ALIVENESS FROM WITHIN (5-day women’s retreat in California): https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/aliveness-from-within | |||
| 44: Do you feel agitated or numb around your partner? | 09 Sep 2022 | 01:01:32 | |
Do you find that no matter how much you learn about your relationship anxiety, listen to podcasts, read books or try to 'do the work you still feel triggered by your partner? In this episode, my amazing co-coach Sheridan and I discuss how your nervous system affects your thoughts, emotions and actions in a relationship and how to use your triggers to help you find more peace and connection in your partnership. And, if you’re ready to join me this November 8-13th in California for Aliveness from Within… ENROLL HERE: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/aliveness-from-within | |||
| 88: Overcoming sex anxiety with Shayna Hiller | 26 Feb 2024 | 01:21:46 | |
If you've ever experienced dread around making love due to the "ick," pain, anxiety, shame, or being too tired, this episode is for you! I'm excited to introduce a dear friend and mentor of mine, who is also a trained Tao Tantric Priestess, Integrative Nutrition Coach, and Yoga Teacher. Her name is Shayna Hiller. In this episode, we will discuss the causes of dread around sex, as well as what you can do to start looking forward to sex especially if it's gotten stale in the bedroom. You're not alone; No, you're not broken, and no, you're not necessarily with the wrong partner if you're not feeling turned on by their mere presence!
Register for the Sex Anxiety Clinic: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/sexanxietyclinic
To apply for Shayna's retreat and/or training: www.embodiedwisdomretreat.com or Shayna's website www.shaynahiller.com
Next ALC Patreon community call: Saturday, March 2nd at 9am PST/12pm EST: www.patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach.com
Who we are: Natalie Kennedy @Anxiouslovecoach Shayna Hiller @Shaynahiller
Time Stamps: 6:52 Shayna’s long-term celibacy in her twenties 12:43 Clearing sexual trauma through the tantric arts 19:51 Inspiring your partner to be their best selves 26:34 Deciding that you don’t like sex, when the reality is that you dislike the sex you are having 30:21 How stress leads to anxiety in the bedroom 37:10 Normalizing the ebbs and flows in your relationship and your sex life 38:30 Scheduling sex 46:15 What to do when you dread having sex with your healthy, loving partner 1:05:00 Sex Anxiety Masterclass on March 14th 2pm PST 1:11:12 You are wired for pleasure 1:14:43 Shayna’s Embodied Wisdom Retreat | |||
| 43: IG Live: What you need to know about reality TV dating shows like Love Is Blind | 01 Sep 2022 | 00:41:41 | |
In this podcast, Sheridan (ALC's wonderful co-coach) discusses the following: - Why reality TV (such as Love Is Blind, Married At First Sight, The Ultimatum, 90 day Fiance) based around relationships trigger you - The truth about the contestant's emotional experience that we aren't often told. We'll be sharing more information on how to work through these triggers over the next few months - make sure you're subscribed to the podcast and follow us on IG @anxiouslovecoach | |||
| 42: The importance of separateness in a relationship | 12 Aug 2022 | 00:58:54 | |
In this episode, I discuss living apart from my husband and the importance of maintaining a separate identity outside of your partnership. When we lack separateness, one or both partners can end up feeling trapped and lacking desire for one another. We cover: why separateness is important for a relationship and what that can look like, how to cultivate it, and what to do if you experience separation anxiety.
Links mentioned: Enroll in Aliveness from Within HERE: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/aliveness-from-within Enroll in Luci Lampe’s programs HERE: https://the-wild-awakening.teachable.com/?affcode=1051804_8anrysej Foria Wellness 20% off: http://aspireiq.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=7178&aff_id=17813 | |||
| 41. IG Live: Thoughts on How I Met Your Mother with co-coach Sheridan Ruth | 10 Aug 2022 | 00:26:25 | |
Have you ever picked a fight with your partner after a Netflix binge? Has a show ever sent you down a spiral of doubts about your own relationship? | |||
| 40. How you get off on nitpicking your partner with Chelsea Horton | 22 Jul 2022 | 01:08:32 | |
In this dark, hysterical episode, my BFF/fellow relationship anxiety alchemist (and dance/movement therapist) Chelsea Joy Horton and I share the shadow side of nitpicking and the pleasure we might derive out of it if we were to become more conscious about it. Get ready to (maybe) get triggered and laugh your ass off as we discuss our outrageous fantasies that we get off to in real life. Definitely DON'T go follow Chelsea over at @healing.embodied on Instagram or www.healingembodied.com. It's terrible and full of wisdom you definitely don't want. And definitely DON'T go subscribe to her new podcast either. Also if you loved this episode you will definitely hate my upcoming womens' retreat in California that is open for enrollment here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/aliveness-from-within... | |||