The ADHDads – Details, episodes & analysis

The return of Mr. Anderson! Steve Anderson brought a special treat for our listeners—his Guided Journal for Dads Volume 1: From Vision to Action has been released. Steve has put together thoughtful and provocative writing prompts to challenge men into asking deeper, more introspective questions. Whether you are new to journaling or have been doing it for years, this journal will help you better understand both the ruts you may be in as a parent and what you are doing well. Many of us don’t take the time to dig deep or ask ourselves what self care even looks like. Steve’s journal will have men asking themselves generative questions to uncover the men and fathers that live with intention, leadership, and exemplification for their families and communities. You definitely don’t want to miss this week’s episode of The ADHDads with our special guest Steve Anderson.

The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron

Today, the Dads discuss dishonest harmony—the avoidance of uncomfortable or difficult topics in order to maintain a false sense of harmony.

Here's a breakdown of why dishonest harmony is bad, incorporating insights from various perspectives:

Individual Level:

• Stifles Growth: Avoiding conflict prevents individuals from learning to address challenges, resolve disagreements, and develop stronger coping mechanisms.
• Erodes Trust: Dishonesty creates a foundation of mistrust, hindering authentic connections and open communication within relationships.
• Builds Resentment: Suppressing true feelings leads to a build-up of resentment, which can manifest in passive-aggressive behavior or emotional outbursts.
• Hampers Problem-Solving: Ignoring underlying issues prevents finding solutions and addressing the root causes of conflict.

Relationship Level:

• Creates Distance: Dishonesty erodes intimacy and creates emotional distance between partners or family members.
• Fosters Misunderstandings: Unresolved issues fester and lead to misinterpretations and assumptions, further damaging the relationship.
• Limits Support: Partners are less likely to offer genuine support when they don't fully understand the other person's needs and struggles.

Societal Level:

• Hinders Progress: Societal issues cannot be effectively addressed if individuals and groups are afraid to speak up or challenge the status quo.
• Perpetuates Injustice: Ignoring systemic problems or injustices in the name of harmony allows them to continue unchecked.
• Weakens Communities: Dishonesty erodes trust within communities, making it difficult to collaborate and achieve shared goals.

While the desire for harmony is understandable, prioritizing it over honesty can have detrimental consequences for individuals, relationships, and society as a whole. Open communication, even when difficult, is essential for building strong, healthy, and just connections.

Thanks always for your support. For more episodes, and to contact us, visit theadhdads.com.

Dr. Janie Funk is the clinical director of Behaven Kids, which focuses on building hope through mental wellness in children. They work with families and children to teach effective skills for succeeding in life and concentrate on ABA therapy, or Applied Behavior Analysis, which helps reinforce learning techniques around improving social skills in functional communication, as well as helping to decrease challenging behaviors and help educate parents on neurodiversity and ASD.

Dr. Funk discusses with the Dads the benefits of ABA therapy, as well as multi-disciplinary methods for success. Creating consistency and predictability is valuable for any neurodiverse person, but is it all that one needs? Listen to our discussion to learn more.

behavenkids.com

Behaven Kids on Facebook

⁠Behaven Kids on Instagram

⁠⁠Behaven Kids on LinkedIn

Becca Lory Hector was diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult and has since become a dedicated autism and neurodiversity advocate, researcher, consultant, speaker, and author. She now teaches a course called “Self Defined Living: A Path to a Quality Autistic Life,” which focuses on autism and neurodiversity consulting which promotes an active and positive lifestyle.

On this episode, Becca discusses with the Dads how a diagnosis can change one's life, bringing peace and understanding where there once was misunderstanding and loss of direction.

We appreciate your listening to this important, deep discussion on the value of learning and knowing oneself. As always, thank you for your support, and for more, check out theadhdads.com.

Links

https://beccalory.com/

https://www.trulyinclusiveleadership.com/

Becca on LinkedIn

Becca on Instagram

This week the Dads dive into how to press that ol’ restart button on your emotions. We all get triggered and have bad days, but what does accountability and forgiveness look like? How do we reset and forge a new path? Well, this week the guys give some strategies around just that. Learn how to hold yourself accountable, make amends, and plan for next steps. We all fall, but how we get back up and push forward is what really teaches our kids resilience. You don’t want to miss this week’s episode of The ADHDads.

For more content check out TheADHDads.com

And thanks for your support!

CJ’s 5 steps to a reset

Journaling

Get all of your thoughts out. Keep writing all of the good, bad, and the ugly. Get it all out on a page and purge your troubled mind.

Reflection

Reflect on your journaling and decide which areas you need to take accountability for and which actions you consider wins. 

Accountability

Make amends, to not only your peers, family, or friends, but yourself as well. Apologize and add other perspectives to your experience by talking with others you have affected.

Planning

Strategize and plan how you will handle triggering scenarios moving forward. What tools, tips, tricks, or techniques will you implement when you feel emotions rise?

Grace and forgiveness

Check in with yourself and others regularly and offer grace and forgiveness as you learn a new behavior and way of responding. 

The six elements of an effective apology, according to science (osu.edu)

Today the Dads talk about how to "choose your hard." They discuss strategies they've used in their own situations to navigate difficult life choices, where facing a challenge was and is the only option. Choosing your hard doesn't mean bad, but rather is an opportunity for growth.

Choose your hard is a motivational statement that encourages you to be proactive in facing challenges and difficulties inherent in life. It doesn't imply that life will be without difficulties, but rather that you have some agency in choosing which challenges you will confront. Here are some key aspects of this concept:

1. Acknowledging Difficulty

Life is full of challenges, and "choose your hard" acknowledges this reality. It recognizes that pursuing goals, making changes, or simply living authentically will often involve overcoming difficulties.

2. Proactive Choice

While we cannot control all circumstances, this phrase emphasizes that we have some level of control over which difficulties we face. It encourages us to consider different options and their potential consequences, allowing us to choose the path that aligns with our values and goals, even if it presents challenges.

3. Comparison and Awareness

"Choose your hard" can also encourage us to compare the potential difficulties of different choices. For instance, staying in a stagnant job might be comfortable in the short term, but it could lead to long-term dissatisfaction and lack of growth. Conversely, pursuing a career change might be initially difficult, but it could ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and personal satisfaction.

4. Growth Mindset

This phrase often aligns with a growth mindset, which believes that skills and abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Choosing a "hard" path often involves learning new things, stepping outside your comfort zone, and facing setbacks. However, the potential for growth and personal development can be greater on this path compared to one that avoids challenges altogether.

5. Embracing the Journey

While acknowledging the difficulty, "choose your hard" doesn't glorify suffering. It's about accepting challenges as part of the journey and focusing on the potential outcomes and growth that they can bring.

It's important to remember that "choose your hard" is not a universal prescription for all situations. External factors and circumstances can significantly limit individual agency in choosing their "hard." However, it can be a helpful framework for individuals who feel stuck or unsure when faced with life's complexities, encouraging them to consider their options, take ownership of their choices, and embrace the growth that comes with overcoming challenges.

Referenced in this episode

Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy

Andrew Kirkaldy is a father, lacrosse coach, recovering alcoholic, and pursuer of growth. In the latest episode of the Dad Den, the Dads discuss the evolution of men, from influences and inspirational figures in our childhood, to redemption through divorce and addiction. Life lessons can be learned and taught simultaneously, as the Dads dive into showing up for our kids with transparency and compassion while experiencing the highs and lows.

This episode is a raw and real conversation. You don't have to be an addict, or a divorcee, or even a father to gain valuable takeaways for yourself and your relationships in this conversation with coach Kirkaldy. Thank you for listening, supporting, and contributing to the ADHDads!

Dan Mitchell is one of our favorite talented and successful imports. He found a great opportunity with his company to move his family to the States years ago, and they have called America home for some time. In the years following the move, Dan reflects on the work that needed to be done within himself, and within his family. The Dads discuss today the importance of finding happiness for oneself, and for our families as they evolve into the space of co-parenting.

This episode is important not just for people who are separated with kids, but also for any person interested in finding a path in their personal growth so they can, in turn, find success in their relationships by developing core values and confidence.

Leanne Pritchett is a veteran Special Education Teacher and Advocate for the past 17 years. She is currently employed as a Teacher of the Visually Impaired and as an Orientation and Mobility Specialist. Along with teaching third year Hebrew, she is a licensed Speech-Language Pathology Assistant. She works with students that range from ages 3 to 22 that have numerous diagnoses that range from Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Learning Disabilities, to Physical Abnormalities, and kids who are Severely Emotionally Disturbed. The list goes on and on.. 

She’s also recently started a micro podcast at Swellcast, which focuses on educating the public about Special Needs and how to see the child, NOT the diagnosis. Our conversation today takes a special focus on how we see our kids and not their diagnoses.

Linktree

Swellcast

Let's be honest, no one can be the ideal role model at all times. Expecting perfection is a recipe for disappointment. In fact, perfectionism often pushes us further away from success. In this episode, we confess some of our recent failures, and we lift each other up through grace. Being the example is near and dear to our hearts, because we deeply care for our children and loved ones. In this first episode in a series of being the example, we will share some valuable tips, as well as what to look out for, on the path to being a good model for our kids. Stay tuned for more episodes on being the example.

Being the ideal example for your kids isn't about achieving perfection, but about living with intention and showing them values you consider important. Here are some ways to approach it:

Lead by example:

• Integrity: Show that your words and actions align. Keep promises, admit mistakes, and treat others with fairness and respect. This teaches them honesty, accountability, and empathy.
• Kindness: Spread kindness throughout your interactions. Be helpful, compassionate, and understanding. Encourage them to do the same towards others, fostering a caring environment.
• Resilience: When faced with challenges, don't give up easily. Show them how to find solutions, learn from mistakes, and persevere through difficulties. This builds their confidence and problem-solving skills.
• Growth mindset: Embrace lifelong learning and encourage curiosity. Explore new things, ask questions, and be open to different perspectives. This fosters a love of learning and a growth mindset in your kids.
• Healthy habits: Prioritize good sleep, nutritious food, regular exercise, and stress management. This teaches them the importance of taking care of themselves, both physically and mentally.

Open communication:

• Talk openly about your values: Explain why certain things are important to you and how they guide your decisions. This helps them understand your perspective and develop their own values.
• Listen actively: Pay attention to their thoughts and feelings, validate their experiences, and create a safe space for open dialogue. This builds trust and encourages them to communicate honestly with you.
• Acknowledge their efforts: Celebrate their achievements, big and small. Offer constructive feedback when needed, focusing on progress and learning opportunities. This fosters their confidence and encourages them to keep trying.

Remember:

• Be authentic: You don't need to be perfect. Show your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, learn from them, and keep growing.
• Focus on progress: Set achievable goals and celebrate progress along the way. It's a journey, not a destination.
• Be patient: Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and your kids as you work towards building a positive and healthy environment.

Most importantly, show your kids love and understanding. Let them know you are there for them, no matter what. Being a good role model is about creating a nurturing environment where they can learn, grow, and become the best versions of themselves.

Thank you for your support! Check out theadhdads.com for more.