In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.
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Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: From CBT to CEI & Beyond
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This post is based on a Sex With Dr. Jess podcast episode featuring Sunny Megatron. Scroll down to listen or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
What Counts as a "Normal" Fantasy?
What turns someone on might surprise others—but that doesn’t make it wrong. In a world where sexual fantasies are often hidden behind closed doors and filtered out of mainstream studies, a growing vocabulary of kink and fetish acronyms reveals just how varied, creative, and expressive people’s desires can be.
While a study out of Quebec found that fantasies such as swinging, BDSM, and threesomes are common and “normal” (with over half of participants reporting them), the reality is that many desires extend beyond the bounds of academic inquiry.
That’s where lesser-known acronyms come in.
Kink Acronyms 101: From Familiar to Fantastical
Sex educator Sunny Megatron recently joined the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast to decode the sex terms that rarely show up in textbooks. From CEI to ASFR, here are a few that stand out:
CBT: Cock and ball torture
This can include everything from gentle squeezing to bondage, ball stretchers, clamps, and even full-contact ball busting.
CEI: Cum eating instruction
Often paired with JOI (jack off instruction), usually in a dom-sub dynamic, and frequently rooted in taboo play.
SPH: Small penis humiliation
Involves psychological play and consensual embarrassment.
ABF: Adult breastfeeding fetish
Not necessarily about lactation, but more often about the eroticism of care, comfort, and vulnerability.
CFNM: Clothed female, nude male
An inversion of mainstream objectification that centers the clothed partner’s power and gaze.
ASFR: Alt sex robot fetish
Sometimes referred to as technosexuality, especially relevant in a world where Bluetooth-connected toys like the We-Vibe Chorus and Lovehoney Sync 2 blur the lines between tech and touch.
The Psychology of Kink: Power, Play & Permission
Many of these fantasies involve submissive men and dominant women—a dynamic that directly challenges cultural norms of masculinity. Kinks like CEI or CFNM provide a mental reprieve from societal expectations of dominance and emotional suppression.
This kind of exploration is not necessarily about the acts themselves, but about rewriting personal narratives around power, control, and vulnerability. For some, it’s healing. For others, it’s just hot.
And for anyone looking to explore dominant/submissive roles in a playful way, a toy like the We-Vibe Pivot can be an excellent starting point. It’s discreet, app-controlled, and ideal for giving control to a partner—whether across the room or across the world.
Shame, Humiliation & the Erotic
Erotic humiliation is another thread running through many of these kinks. It’s not about degradation but about consensual embarrassment—such as being asked to perform a sexy task in front of others or being lovingly teased.
These types of fantasies often stem from early experiences or internalized cultural messages. For those looking to process shame through pleasure,
How To Prep For A Threesome
Tuesday, July 9, 2024 • Duration 34:00
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Considering a Threesome? Start Here:
Your Inclusive Guide to Pleasure, Consent & Connection
You listened to Part I of our threesome series, and now you’re back for the practical prep. In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on how to prep for a threesome and discuss couples’ privilege. Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, use the prompts below to design an experience that feels thoughtful, consensual, and genuinely pleasurable for everyone involved.
(If you missed our conversation with Dr. Justin Lehmiller, circle back for the research on who fantasizes, who follows through, and why the numbers don’t always match.)
When (and IF) you’re onsidering moving from fantasy to action, check out this post on how to prepare for your first sex party and ease your nerves while maximizing pleasure.
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Threesome Preparation Toolkit
Below are three sets of questions. Reflect on them solo, discuss with partners, or copy-paste into a shared doc. The goal is clarity—about desire, boundaries, and after-care.
1. Personal Reflection
Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire
Why do you want to have a threesome?
Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source?
What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?
What are the perceived risks/costs?
With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it?
How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?
What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you?
What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations?
What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?
How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?
Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?
4 Types of Couples — Which One Are You?
Friday, December 8, 2023 • Duration 25:05
4 Types of Couples – Which One Are You?
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4 Types of Couples: Understanding Your Relationship Dynamics
Have you ever wondered what drives commitment in a dating relationship? In this episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, Brandon and I dive into a fascinating study that identifies four distinct types of dating couples. By understanding whether you and your partner are “dramatic,” “partner-focused,” “socially involved,” or “conflict-ridden,” you can gain insight into how satisfaction, investments, and social networks influence your bond.
Before we get into the transcript, let’s explore key research findings that can help you see where your relationship fits—and perhaps discover ways to enhance communication, deepen commitment, or even steer clear of patterns that aren’t working.
What Is Commitment, Really?
Commitment in relationships often hinges on two main components:
Attachment (emotional bond)
Intention to continue the relationship
Researchers have shown that these factors are influenced by relationship satisfaction, investments (time, energy, shared goals), and the presence—or absence—of appealing alternatives. For dating couples in their mid-20s, believing that the relationship has a future plays a massive role in both quality and stability. As one study noted, “Commitment in relationships is usually centered around two things. The attachment and the intention to continue the relationship”.
The Four Relationship “Onions”
1. Dramatic Couples
These pairs experience frequent ups and downs. Their commitment tends to swing dramatically, often in response to negative events or thoughts about the relationship. They may spend significant time with separate friend groups and pursue individual interests. If you find yourself regularly riding an emotional rollercoaster, you might be a dramatic couple—and recognizing this can help you break cycles of instability.
2. Partner-Focused Couples
With the highest likelihood of staying together and feeling content long term, partner-focused couples prioritize each other’s needs. Shared decision-making, mutual consideration, and a strong focus on your partner’s well-being characterize this group. Even if you don’t rely heavily on a shared social circle, putting each other first cements a deeper, more stable bond.
3. Socially Involved Couples
These couples derive a lot of support and closeness from shared friend groups. When your mutual friends root for your relationship, it strengthens both your satisfaction and commitment. Just as importantly, you can lean on your social network when challenges arise. If your relationship thrives when your friends are involved—and you feel closer when loved ones approve—you’re likely socially involved.
If conflict feels overwhelming, don’t miss our guide on How to Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies.
4. Conflict-Ridden Couples
Here, dips in commitment follow arguments or tension—but so does passionate attraction, pulling partners back together. If you oscillate between heated fights and intense make-ups, you likely fall into this category. While such passion can feel thrilling, it may not be sustainable without other stabilizing factors,...
Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy
Thursday, November 23, 2023 • Duration 38:28
Isle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex -- on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy's latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they've learned from rethinking sex and pleasure.
To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media - Instagram and Twitter
And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Episode 343
Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy
[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we're talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership.
[00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn't your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is... Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who's more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body.
[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli's search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn't.
[00:01:17] Jess O'Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other's bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been reading the book. I'm almost done. I thought I'd be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it's going to be a great conversation.
[00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I'll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it's hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women's experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season.
[00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they're asking all their guests, what's your sexy secret? What's your secret, babe?
[00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can't tell you. It's a secret. That's why it's a secret.
[00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: So predictable. Okay. That and so much more in the new season of the Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women podcast out now.
[00:02:30] Jess O'Reilly: Listen,
Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resources Theory
Friday, November 17, 2023 • Duration 47:02
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Burnout & Relationships: A Tangled Web We Can’t Ignore
Burnout isn’t reserved for the boardroom — it shows up in our bedrooms, dinner table conversations, text replies (or lack thereof), and yes, even in the quiet pauses between eye contact. In this episode of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast, we dive into the signs of burnout, how they manifest in our relationships, and how the Conservation of Resources (COR) Theory offers a practical framework to better understand and manage this ever-growing emotional epidemic.
From that sense of feeling “frozen” to the internal tug-of-war between showing up for your partner or just zoning out for self-preservation, burnout isn’t always easy to spot. And it’s even harder to talk about — especially when love and care are at stake.
What Is Burnout?
Emotional exhaustion, detachment, reduced empathy, irritability, a dip in desire (for intimacy or anything at all) — these are more than just rough days. When you’re depleted for weeks, months or even years, the foundation of your relationship starts to shift.
Burnout occurs along a spectrum, and that means we’re not just talking about full collapse. The early signs — social withdrawal, communication breakdowns, loss of interest in things you used to love — all serve as red flags. It’s not that you no longer want to connect, cuddle, or care. It’s that you literally can’t.
Applying Conservation of Resources Theory to Relationships
COR theory, developed by psychologist Stevan Hobfoll (1989), is based on a beautifully simple idea: humans are wired to conserve and protect valuable resources. These include:
Object resources (e.g. money, housing, physical safety)
Condition resources (e.g. status, roles, relationships)
Energy resources (e.g. time, emotional bandwidth, attention)
Personal resources (e.g. self-esteem, resilience)
Relationships — intimate, platonic, familial — require a constant, fluctuating investment of these resources. And when they’re running low? Conflict, resentment, disconnection and dissatisfaction thrive.
But when you’re both able to recognize burnout as a resource imbalance — instead of a personal failing or relational flaw — you can start making changes rooted in care, not blame.
Managing Burnout With Relational Intelligence
1. Start With You (Yes, Even When You’re Burnt Out)
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You don’t need to be overflowing, but consider where your emotional, physical, and mental energy is being spent. If you want to show up for your partner (or children, or friends), you need to reclaim time, movement, pleasure and purpose in ways that work for you.
If an early morning run, solo trip to a bookstore, or nap on the balcony leaves you feeling whole again — take it seriously. Do you show up with the resources needed for the relationship, or are you spending them elsewhere?
Explore enhancements that recharge you, like the We-Vibe Touch or We-Vibe Melt — tools designed not just for partnered play, but for solo joy and resource-building too.
2. Burnout in Relationships - Set Boundaries With What Depletes You
Your job isn’t entitled to your midnight thoughts.
Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couple
Friday, November 10, 2023 • Duration 40:25
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How to Eroticize Daily Interactions
Keeping the spark alive in a relationship amidst routine can feel challenging—especially if you're super busy. You're not a light switch; it's natural to need a transition from everyday roles (work, parenting, chores) into a sensual, playful state. To celebrate our wedding anniversary, Brandon and I have curated over 20 actionable tips you can easily implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate, and erotic.
Establish Role Rituals
A ritual to transition from your public role to your private, intimate role can help create emotional and erotic closeness. It could be something as simple as playing a favorite song, mixing cocktails, or switching off your phones.
Morning Kindness
Starting your day with small gestures, like making coffee or leaving a sweet note, can strengthen connection and make your partner feel valued. It’s an easy and energizing way to start your day.
The Complaint Dump
Take 2-5 minutes daily to vent frustrations together, clearing the air to allow space for positivity and intimacy later. Pull out the timer and stick to it!
Playful Texts
Use texts playfully instead of just practically. Send fun, flirty, or incomplete messages to pique your partner’s interest. Use memes, videos or whatever gets you rolling.
Sexy Photos and Notes
Exchange playful notes or flirty images, enhancing intimacy even when you're apart.
Physical Connection Reset
Take two minutes to connect physically: lie forehead-to-forehead, breathing together. This enhances emotional closeness through interpersonal synchronization.
Embrace Playfulness
Physical and verbal playfulness—like joking, teasing, or playful wrestling—deepens intimacy, reduces stress, and fosters attraction.
Spend Time Apart
Intimacy thrives with a little mystery and distance. Enjoy solo walks or separate activities occasionally.
Loving Objectification
Within a respectful, loving context, take time to openly appreciate your partner’s physical attributes.
Minimize Technological Distractions
Create tech-free zones or times, especially in your bedroom, to prioritize connection and intimacy.
Quality Time Blocks
Regularly set aside quality time together where certain stressful topics (work, kids, pandemic) are off-limits. Instead, ask fun, hypothetical questions to reconnect.
Compliment Generously
Offer meaningful compliments frequently, ranging from simple admiration to lustful appreciation.
Touch Without Agenda
Physical affection when you're not specifically seeking sex helps maintain emotional and physical connection, enhancing overall intimacy.
Mood Music
Music can set the stage for intimacy. Choose music aligned with how you want to feel—powerful, playful, or relaxed.
Netflix and Strip
Turn Netflix nights into playful erotic opportunities by removing clothing based on keywords heard during your favorite show.
The 99 Rule
Ask, "Will this matter when I'm 99?" to quickly diffuse trivial tensions and focus on what truly matters.
Daydream Together
Regularly indulge in shared fantasies or future plans, creating intimacy through imagination and excitement.
Ready to spice things up further?
How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies
Friday, November 3, 2023 • Duration 41:23
Do you want to...
Bicker less and catch yourself before you start?
Stay calm and empathetic during conflict?
Feel more at ease and connected so - that you're less inclined to fight?
Tune in for a discussion - of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: "We love each other madly. He’s really the love of my life, and we don’t seem to have any big, deep issues because we’re really aligned - on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don’t like - the example we’re setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace - because we both work from home."
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Episode 340
How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies
[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Let's bicker.
[00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Let's, what are we going to bicker over?
[00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: You splashing all over the place in the bathroom. Like you're some sort of a hippo in the tub.
[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Well, I can't help it because the sink is too small.
[00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: Cause your head's big.
[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I got a big face. Well, you know what? You make a mess sometimes.
[00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: We absolutely suck. We suck at this. We're supposed to be talking about bickering today, but when you put us on the spot, listen, when we're in the middle of a bicker, we got it.
[00:00:39] Brandon Ware: Things are real.
[00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: We've got it down, but to fake it seems really hard.
[00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: Uh, we're going to talk about how to stop bickering and having little daily arguments today. We have a question from, uh, from a listener, and this is a question I kind of get over and over. And over again, because life can be stressful and life can be busy. And I think that's one of the big reasons we bicker.
[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So before we dive into it, want to shout out our sponsors, Adam and Eve. com. They are offering 50 percent off almost any item plus free shipping, plus free handling, which is Brandon's favorite part with code Dr. Jess 50. So check out Adam and Eve. com. Bildos, vibrators, butt plugs, other fun things that you can use in your body.
[00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Adam and Eve. com code. Dr. Jess 50. All right, let's dive right into it.
[00:01:23] Brandon Ware: Let's, are we going to continue bickering or is, is this where it stops?
[00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: No, we're going to start bickering.
[00:01:28] Brandon Ware: Let's do it. Yeah. Amazing.
[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. So we have this note, uh, there's a bit of a preamble, but the bulk of it is we love each other madly.
[00:01:35] Jess O'Reilly: He's really the love of my life. And we don't seem to have any big deep issues because we're totally aligned on values, family, spirituality, and all the core issues. But we bicker. A lot. I mean, nonstop. And I don't like the example we're setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace because we both work from home?
Candid Conversations: Managing the ‘Work Spouse’ and Therapy Avoidance
Friday, October 27, 2023 • Duration 31:50
In this Q&A, Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener queries related to "work spouses", dealing with a partner who refuses to go to therapy and "love tattoos":
"My husband has a coworker who introduced herself to me as his work wife. I didn't even know how to respond. When I talked to him about it, he said she was just kidding around. I think it's inappropriate. He says it's no big deal. Who is right?"
"What do you do if your partner refuses; to go to therapy - but the relationship is on the rocks? Asking for a friend."
"I just turned 18, and I've been dating a guy - who is a few years older than me. He comes from money, so hw's shown me a lot of things I've never seen before. It has only been a few months, and he wants me to get a matching tattoo. What should I do?"
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Episode 339
Candid Conversations: Managing the 'Work Spouse' and Therapy Avoidance
[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you doing?
[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I can see that you're putting on a brave face. I am putting on a brave face.
[00:00:26] Jess O'Reilly: You know how I know you're having a date.
[00:00:29] Brandon Ware: How? What's my tell? What's my tell? Is it Terry's?
[00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It's your, it's your left peck. It's my left peck. It's your left peck. It's that I saw the app from your ring on your phone and your stress was way up at the top.
[00:00:42] Brandon Ware: So I have an Aura ring and it monitors all your vitals and they just released a stress feature.
[00:00:48] Brandon Ware: I'm stressed out today.
[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, left peck going hard.
[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: I feel like some people need to talk it out with somebody other than me.
[00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: So I think so many of us run into this. I'm not going to obviously speak specifically about your situation. I know what's going on, but I think that sometimes you have people in your lives.
[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: Whether they be friends, or clients, or co workers, or just people in your family, who, they have their own anxiety, and they try and attenuate that anxiety through you. And I don't mean they're dumping their problems on you, but they may be actually, in your case, they are actually saying, here are my problems, fix them, even though you can't.
[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: But, They expect you to kind of jump and dance and twist and twirl around their anxiety as though their urgency is your emergency.
[00:01:36] Brandon Ware: Ooh, that's a good one. I have heard that before, but their urgency is my emergency. Yes.
[00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: I think it's Luna who I first heard say that.
[00:01:42] Brandon Ware: Was that Luna? Luna Matadas?
[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: It rhymes, you know.
[00:01:44] Brandon Ware: It rhymes. I love that. She's a rhymer. She's a plumber. Uh, I, I would agree with that wholeheartedly, and I think once you start paying attention to that, it's easier for me to realize that, Hey, listen, this isn't my problem. This is your problem. And I want to support you. I'm going to be compassionate in [00:02:00] understanding maybe the situation that you're going through, but also taking a step back and saying,
Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure
Thursday, October 19, 2023 • Duration 19:08
How do you define cheating?
And how do you recover once trust has been broken?
How do you deal with sexual pressure from a partner?
Womanizer Premium Eco
Jess and Brandon weigh in on personal questions from listeners. They also share an offer from Womanizer in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness Month: if you're a survivor, request your Womanizer Premium Eco by emailing info at sexwithdrjess dot com.
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure
Episode 338
[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, hey, we're back at it after a week off. Are you, are you feeling rested?
[00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I feel refreshed.
[00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: You do?
[00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Not at all.
[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: In 400 or so episodes, or maybe we're not quite at 400. I think we've only missed two weeks.
[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: About three 50. And that's impressive that you've only missed. Two weeks.
[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Is it? For me it is. For another person who's not as, uh, commitment phobic. Not that impressive, but apologies for missing last week. Not gonna get into it, but happy to, happy to be back chatting with you today, babe. Yeah, always happy to be here.
[00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: We've got some questions from some listeners that, uh, I'm always kind of intrigued by and intrigued to hear what you have to say and what others think. So we do have a bit of an alternative sponsor for Breast Cancer Awareness Month as well. Uh, because cancer diagnosis and treatment have repeatedly been shown to adversely affect sexual function.
[00:01:03] Jess O'Reilly: We know that, for example, 83% of breast cancer survivors meet the clinical criteria for sexual dysfunction. We know that a very small percentage actually receive supports in this area. So our sponsored womanizer has. partnered with charity, the leading research hospital in Berlin for a breast cancer clinical study on sexuality and libido for breast cancer survivors.
[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: And they already have some preliminary data in this study showing that masturbating helps with libido loss and sexual self worth in breast cancer survivors who have undergone treatment. So I am looking forward to seeing some of those. Some of those formal results once published, and Erica Hart, who is a fellow sex educator, they're an activist, a breast cancer survivor themself, they advocate for an active pleasure approach to breast cancer survivors treatment.
[00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: They are also on board as part of the project. And the reason we're bringing this up is that Womanizer, you know I'm a fan of this brand, a huge fan of their [00:02:00] technology, Womanizer is giving away. a whole lot of premium ecos. So those are their premium version of womanizers, but they're recyclable. So they're made from recyclable material.
[00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: The product itself is recyclable. It uses less packaging, all that jazz. And so if you are a survivor and you're interested in a free womanizer premium eco, just let me know. So shoot an email over to our admin over here at sexwithdrjess, it's info at sexwithdrjess. com. Just let us know you'd like one and you need to send your name and shipping address and we'll have it shipped out to you.
[00:02:37] Jess O'Reilly: So if you're a breast canc...
How To Plan A Successful Threesome
Friday, October 6, 2023 • Duration 39:40
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How to Plan a Successful Threesome: Reflect, Prepare & Play Responsibly
In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners' insights on threesomes and discuss couples privilege.
Threesome Preparation Questions
If you’re looking to ease the tension and enhance pleasure for everyone involved, consider building trust and communication before a single item of clothing comes off.
Whether you’re fantasizing about a spontaneous encounter or planning a luxurious, multi-hour play session, think about how you want all parties to feel — seen, safe, and satisfied. And yes, that includes the so-called “third.” This isn’t about plugging someone into your pleasure plan like a puzzle piece. You’re co-creating a shared experience. A new dynamic. A temporary triad.
Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire
Why do you want to have a threesome?
Where did the idea of a threesome come from?
How do you feel about this source?
What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?
What are the perceived risks/costs?
With whom would you like to have a threesome?
Do you know if they’re open to it?
How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?
What excites you most about a threesome?
What motivates you?
What concerns you about a threesome?
Do you have any hesitations?
What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?
How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?
Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries?
What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?
What does your ideal threesome entail?
Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc...
Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress
Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress?
I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as (emotional presence)
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I'd like you to…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to…
You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I…
Some other cues to look for include…
Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire
Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure?
Have you (in)directly pressured your partner?
Why do you/we want to have a threesome?
What do you/we hope to get out of the experience?
What are my/our concerns about the experience?
Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter?
What would it look like if it goes well?
What might it look like if something goes awry?
How will we communicate and respond?
What do we value in a third party?
What type of person do we want to connect with?
Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker?
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