In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.
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Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: From CBT to CEI & Beyond
🎧 Prefer to listen?
This post is based on a Sex With Dr. Jess podcast episode featuring Sunny Megatron. Scroll down to listen or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
What Counts as a "Normal" Fantasy?
What turns someone on might surprise others—but that doesn’t make it wrong. In a world where sexual fantasies are often hidden behind closed doors and filtered out of mainstream studies, a growing vocabulary of kink and fetish acronyms reveals just how varied, creative, and expressive people’s desires can be.
While a study out of Quebec found that fantasies such as swinging, BDSM, and threesomes are common and “normal” (with over half of participants reporting them), the reality is that many desires extend beyond the bounds of academic inquiry.
That’s where lesser-known acronyms come in.
Kink Acronyms 101: From Familiar to Fantastical
Sex educator Sunny Megatron recently joined the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast to decode the sex terms that rarely show up in textbooks. From CEI to ASFR, here are a few that stand out:
CBT: Cock and ball torture
This can include everything from gentle squeezing to bondage, ball stretchers, clamps, and even full-contact ball busting.
CEI: Cum eating instruction
Often paired with JOI (jack off instruction), usually in a dom-sub dynamic, and frequently rooted in taboo play.
SPH: Small penis humiliation
Involves psychological play and consensual embarrassment.
ABF: Adult breastfeeding fetish
Not necessarily about lactation, but more often about the eroticism of care, comfort, and vulnerability.
CFNM: Clothed female, nude male
An inversion of mainstream objectification that centers the clothed partner’s power and gaze.
ASFR: Alt sex robot fetish
Sometimes referred to as technosexuality, especially relevant in a world where Bluetooth-connected toys like the We-Vibe Chorus and Lovehoney Sync 2 blur the lines between tech and touch.
The Psychology of Kink: Power, Play & Permission
Many of these fantasies involve submissive men and dominant women—a dynamic that directly challenges cultural norms of masculinity. Kinks like CEI or CFNM provide a mental reprieve from societal expectations of dominance and emotional suppression.
This kind of exploration is not necessarily about the acts themselves, but about rewriting personal narratives around power, control, and vulnerability. For some, it’s healing. For others, it’s just hot.
And for anyone looking to explore dominant/submissive roles in a playful way, a toy like the We-Vibe Pivot can be an excellent starting point. It’s discreet, app-controlled, and ideal for giving control to a partner—whether across the room or across the world.
Shame, Humiliation & the Erotic
Erotic humiliation is another thread running through many of these kinks. It’s not about degradation but about consensual embarrassment—such as being asked to perform a sexy task in front of others or being lovingly teased.
These types of fantasies often stem from early experiences or internalized cultural messages. For those looking to process shame through pleasure,
How To Prep For A Threesome
Tuesday, July 9, 2024 • Duration 34:00
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Considering a Threesome? Start Here:
Your Inclusive Guide to Pleasure, Consent & Connection
You listened to Part I of our threesome series, and now you’re back for the practical prep. In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on how to prep for a threesome and discuss couples’ privilege. Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, use the prompts below to design an experience that feels thoughtful, consensual, and genuinely pleasurable for everyone involved.
(If you missed our conversation with Dr. Justin Lehmiller, circle back for the research on who fantasizes, who follows through, and why the numbers don’t always match.)
When (and IF) you’re onsidering moving from fantasy to action, check out this post on how to prepare for your first sex party and ease your nerves while maximizing pleasure.
Sponsored Resources
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Threesome Preparation Toolkit
Below are three sets of questions. Reflect on them solo, discuss with partners, or copy-paste into a shared doc. The goal is clarity—about desire, boundaries, and after-care.
1. Personal Reflection
Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire
Why do you want to have a threesome?
Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source?
What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?
What are the perceived risks/costs?
With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it?
How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?
What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you?
What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations?
What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?
How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?
Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?
All About Threesomes
Thursday, September 28, 2023 • Duration 40:38
Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people - actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller - who answers your questions including:
How common are threesomes?
What counts as a threesome?
How does a threesome affect relationships for couples?
Who is having threesomes?
How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)?
What’s the appeal of threesomes?
Next week, we’ll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more!
Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.
And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
All About Threesomes
Episode 336
[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and we are doing a throwback to a two part series with Dr. Justin Lehmiller on the doc today, because I received three questions about threesomes over the weekend and I think it's a sign. So here we go. Have a listen to this throwback with Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
[00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
[00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.
[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and it fits that today's episode is brought to you by FIELD. And FIELD is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair, and they're open to all genders, all sexual identities,
[00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: all sexual orientations from basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationship structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond. So do check them out. Field is spelt feel and a D so F E E L D and you can download the field app.
[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's free and you create a profile. And once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app. You become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to, you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features. And yeah, so do check out FIELD.
[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting. I actually came across FIELD in my research a few years ago. when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy and they really are the [00:02:00] perfect partner for this podcast because we're talking about threesomes and of course there are people on field looking for threesomes and later we're going to be talking with their expert Dr.
[00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: Justin Leigh. But before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also want to talk if we have time about how to prepare for a threesome, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have.
[00:02:27] Jess O'Reilly: I might have to split it into a couple episodes, but we will get there. It's interesting because when you think about. Threesomes. Don't you think porn has kind of made threesomes seem like, like they're the norm. Everybody's doing them. Yeah, I mean when
Year-End Reflection Questions for Fulfilling Relationships
Thursday, December 30, 2021 • Duration 35:45
This week, we share (and try out!) a simple 3-step exercise to reflect upon 2021 and plan for a happy 2022. Coach Sonia Zarbatany also joins us to talk about our new coaching program and share her tips for better dating and happy marriage.
Thank you to our sponsors Adam and Eve. You can get 50% off almost any item + get FREE shipping + some Free goodies too if you use code DRJESS
Make the most of your relationships in 2022 with our 30-day program! There is no better investment than an investment in connection.
If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.
And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Year-End Reflection Questions for Fulfilling Relationships
You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight.
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess. Happy New Year's Eve. Happy New Year. Yes. Will we make it? Stay awake until midnight tonight? Oh, I don't know, man. I'm up early. You're up early? No, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to enjoy this evening. I have this silly superstition that whatever I'm doing at midnight sets the tone for the year, which, by the way, lying in bed with you fast asleep wouldn't be a bad thing because I'd like better sleep in 2022, I would be relaxed. Exactly. Yeah. So we'll either be toasting with a bit of champagne and some nice fresh air, or we'll be fast asleep. Can I just say that I would like very much for next year at this point to be raging somewhere. I want to be partying. Yeah, I want to light my pants on fire. You know what? I know that desire has some sort of party going on in Brazil, 20, 22, 23. So let's just hope, sadly, I don't think the world is going to be that far ahead that we're going to want to be partying in Brazil, but hopefully something just a little bit more exciting overall, things can be looking up, and we want them to be looking up, certainly in your relationships, which is something we're going to be talking about today. I think folks know if you follow me and if you listen to the podcast, I have a new program starting in five days, six days. And Sonya, my partner in the program, is going to be joining us to chat a little bit about dating and coaching and the program, and also just her general insight and advice on how to make relationships work.
So before Sonya joins us, I wanted to get to one of your questions because this one is about vibrators. So this person says they want to incorporate vibrators into their sex lives. They're really great help for having an orgasm, but they find that their orgasms with vibrators don't always feel good. The ramp up is amazing and feels great, but just at the point when it feels like the orgasm is going to start happening, the sensation suddenly becomes overwhelming and kind of unpleasant if they keep the vibrator right there. So they said they've tried quickly turning down the vibrator intensity right at the point of orgasm. But this can feel jarring and sort of interrupt the sensations. And then if they completely take the stimulation away at orgasm, it doesn't feel good either. And the orgasm sort of just stops. So it sounds like a ruined orgasm, which feels frustrating. So any thoughts on why the vibrations become so overwhelmingly intense at the point of org...
The Best Gift Ever 2021! It’s Free & Last-Minute Friendly
Thursday, December 23, 2021 • Duration 28:10
We’re doing it again! There is almost nothing better than sharing how you feel about your partner, and this “dating profile” gift is a simple, powerful gift that keeps on giving. Jess’ cousin Annabella & her cousin-in-law Denise (Anna’s mom) join us to share this homemade, no-cost, gift: a thoughtful and simple dating profile written for a loved one. Jess also shares one she wrote for her Mom, and Brandon and Jess share one another’s.
We encourage you to try this one yourself and let us know how it goes!
Huge shout out to our sponsor, AdamAndEve.com — You can get 50% off almost any item + get FREE shipping + some Free goodies too if you use code DRJESS
If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.
And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
The Best Gift Ever! Its Free & Last-Minute Friendly
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight!
Hey! Hey! Happy Holidays. Hope they are going well. Hope you're hanging in. Hope they're fairly harmonious and joyful and healthy and delicious if you... If you love to eat and are celebrating. It's so weird to think that the holidays are already upon us. Because I think back to December 2020 and I think about where I was and what we were doing. And whom we were with. If feels like. It feels like five years ago honestly, but at the same time it feels like this year has kinda flashed by in the blink of an eye. I know everyone is talking about this concept of time both zooming and standing still. And you know when I think about the holidays, I I feel that. I feel that so much. And our plan was to produce a new episode on The Best Gift Ever. So this gift that I just... I think is so incredible for all relationships. And so I went back and listened to last year's version with my cousin-in-law Denise and my cousin Anna. And has I was listening and I was just like Oh I wanna listen again. Love hearing them. Uh. I love the experience for myself and so I decided we're just we're gonna run it again. Because, honestly I just love it and I feel good about it. And I... you know I don't always feel good about every piece of content I produce. But I feel pretty good about this one. So, without further ado. Here she is. The Best Gift Ever 2020 version.
You're listening to the sacs with dr jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the ex. Doctor just podcast. I'm your co host brandon. Wear here with my lovely other. Half doctor jess this is pretty much the the last one of the year. I guess we have on next week. But i don't know christmas for me. Always feels like the end of year. I would agree. i mean. there's a wrap up vibe. That's going on right now. Yeah but a weird year where we almost don't even know what's coming right. People are asking for meetings for january. And i'm like january. That feels so long ago. But i guess it's here again now it's the end of the year and there is no better time to check in with your health so our partner. Let's get checked. Lets you do all of your health testing from home from hormones to thyroid to. Sgi's to cholesterol. Iron lime disease test from home send it in and get secure results online go to. Let's get checked dot com and please use code dr jess to save and to let them know you heard about their services here now babe last year around this time we did an e...
Ethical Non-Monogamy & Open Relationships
Friday, December 17, 2021 • Duration 45:40
How do you know if opening up is right for you?
How do you tell your partner that you’re interested in ethical/consensual non-monogamy?
What’s the difference between swinging and polyamory?
What if you want a different ENM arrangement than your partner (e.g. they want to swing and you want to explore polyamory)
Sex Goddess & Erotic Educator Taylor Sparks joins us to share her experience and advice. She is the founder of Organic Loven, the largest BIPOC owned online organic intimacy shop & works to improve sex lives around the world.
You can check out her YouTube channel and follow Taylor on her Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter accounts.
We're also excited to announce a new program for 2022: 30 Days to Master Your Relationship!
4 Group coaching sessions
Week 1: Relational Values & Blueprint
Week 2: Emotional & Relational Communication
Week 3: Bedroom Mastery
Week 4: Re(Ignite) The Spark + Ladies Night Event in Montreal
If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.
And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Ethical Non-Monogamy & Open Relationships
You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess's podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess, how are you doing? I'm really good. Why is that? I don't know. I like the Christmas tree in my house. I'm just really liking the way my house looks this week. I will say that the Christmas tree smells great. It smells so good. And I was reading this is not a purposeful segue, but I was reading that more couples are now putting their Christmas trees in their bedrooms. Really? Yeah. Because it gives it does surprise me. It's the glow and the smell and all the health benefits of feeling like you're in a forest. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm serious. I feel like you're in a forest. I think it just has to do with it. All of our houses are getting so much smaller and there's nowhere to put, like, the Christmas tree takes up like a third of our living room. Yes, it does. It's blocking the whole patio door. It's a great third, though. It looks really good. It does look really good. Yeah.
So I'm in a good mood and we're going to be talking to my friend Taylor Sparks from Organic Lovin in just a moment. Yes, I'm looking forward to it. It should be a good chat. Absolutely. I think we're going to talk about she sent me so many topics, but we're going to talk about non monogamy and get some perspective and personal experience on that. And before Taylor joins us, I wanted to chat to folks for a moment about a new course I have coming up. It is a group coaching course for 30 days. It's a four week program to master your relationships in 30 days. And so this is for the New Year. I'm really hoping folks will either sign up as singles or as couples and jumpstart the new year focusing on relationships because so many of our resolutions really center on. I think the body and habits. And I think it's actually really cool. I love the New Year. I love the idea of a reset. It's the same reason I love Mondays. Really? You love Mondays? For that reason, you feel like it's a reset. Yeah. I'm just like, okay. This week is going to be the week I start working out. Or this week is going to be the week that I get a better night's sleep.
Want to give a hotter hand job? Check out our quick tips, and then join us as we switch gears and have a candid discussion with a Hotwife couple, John & Tiffany. They talk about their story -- from high school sweethearts to the parents of two teens — to a very happy couple in the Hotwife lifestyle. They share how they got started and explain why they find Hotwifing so fulfilling — and why you might too!
To stay up to date with Tiffany and John's hotwife lifestyle and with them. You can follow their Instagram.
Thank you for engaging with our content and tuning into the podcast! We’re so grateful to connect with curious minds and listeners. From both of us — Dr. Jess and B — we appreciate you. You can support our work (and your pleasure) by browsing our favourite sexual wellness products and using the code DRJESSVIP to save when checking out.
Code DRJESSVIP
THANK YOU! 💜 (for real)
Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us!
No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win!
LOVEHONEY.COM
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Hotwife Lifestyle & Hand Job Techniques: Exploring Intimacy, Pleasure & Partnership
Let’s be honest — hand jobs often get a bad rap. But done right, they can rival (or even outdo) a mouth, a toy, or a full-body session. We open this episode with a simple, powerful technique I call The Claudia: two hands, interlaced fingers, more lube than you think you need, and firm pressure on the lower third of the penis. Add some rhythm, a twist at the head, and breathy encouragement? You’ve got yourself a solo or partnered experience that’s deeply connective, intensely pleasurable, and wildly underestimated.
And let’s not forget: if you’re keen to explore the sensual spectrum with extra support, tools like the We-Vibe Melt or the We-Vibe Touch add suction or vibration to elevate your stroke game.
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•Pleasure Air™ tech mimics oral with touchless suction.
•App-controlled & Whisper-quiet - for hands-free, long-distance, or partner play.
•Dr Jess Says - The technology is really unique and blends pulsing, sucking and vibrating all in one toy.
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Hand play can also be the perfect segue into fantasy talk — and in this episode, we make that transition with a real-life story from Tiffany and John, high school sweethearts turned happily married parents who’ve been exploring the Hotwife lifestyle for over a decade.
What Is the Hotwife Lifestyle?
While definitions vary, Tiffany explains that in their relationship, the “hotwife” arrangement means she engages in sexual encounters with men outside their marriage — with John’s enthusiastic support. Sometimes he watches. Sometimes she dates solo. What’s constant is their communication, mutual consent, and shared joy.
This isn’t cuckolding. It’s not coercion. It’s not rooted in deficit. As John beautifully puts it, “She was a hotwife before we ever heard the term.” They share their story — from their first unexpected encounter with a tennis player while on vacation, to their first experience with another couple at Desire Resorts.
“How Do I Convince My Partner?” is the Wrong Question
Every week, we get messages asking how to “convince” a partner to try non-monogamy. The truth? If your partner isn’t into it, that’s okay. Desire must be mutual — and not manipulated.
As John says: “Don’t go to the internet first. Start with a conversation.
Finding Pleasure in Liberation: Gender, Body Image & Communication
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