It’s here, SaysWhovia. Please drive through.
 

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The musical episode you’ve been waiting for (???) is finally here. Let’s break down the playlist of DJ T.

Get ready to dance, SaysWhovia. Very slowly. Very, very slowly.

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Maureen is sick, Dan is tired, but there's no stopping the vibe shift that has swept the nation with Biden dropping out and Kamala Harris speed-running her new candidacy. But most importantly, Democrats are finally saying the thing that Maureen and Dan have been saying all along: Trump and his goons are all deeply, deeply weird people.

Also, JD Vance f*cks a couch.

Welcome to the new presidential race, jump on in the water's warm.

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Dan and Maureen are further apart than normal this week.It’s a tale of two cities—London and Los Angeles. One has English/Indian full breakfasts with unlimited cups of hot chai, while the other has fire alarms going off all the time. In fact, this episode has the most fire alarms of any Says Who episode! The most hotel talk! The most reading of menus!

In fact, Dan and Maureen are so exciting talking about breakfasts and hotel fires that they almost forget there is news. ALMOST. This is a week of a falling pound and Trump legal trouble. So much trouble! And our old friend Rudy forgot to go to court. What a bunch of knuckheads!

Put the sign on the door, SaysWhovia. We don’t want to be disturbed.

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What’s that sizzling sound? Why, it’s the official Says Who griddle! Dan and Maureen have some hot, beefy patties of news to slap down this week, so they hope you are hungry! And they’re starting with good news! COVID is over! The President said so! Dan will go and tell his wife, who has COVID. Dan is grouchy. Maureen has something to cheer him—a sing along! 

Also, Dan’s son had a very interesting walk to school. Dan is really not having it this week. Even though Trump has performed an amazing self-own with his special master. But what turns it all around is the beef. Because if there is one thing we do here on Says Who—we run the hamburger beat. And there hasn’t been this big of a scoop on the burger front since Trump threw his lunch against the wall. Yes! It’s the My Pillow Hardee’s takedown story!

Get your fries on the side, SaysWhovia. But not from Hardees?

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... then things got weird. 

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Ah, the sea. So…sealike. Maureen is in Greece, looking at the sea and having high quality insights like these. Dan is in Chicago, reading the news. One seems happier than the other. But not for long! Because the UK has a new prime minister, there’s a Special Master on the horizon, and Trump is definitely getting up to announce his 2024 run. Everything is circling back around. Maureen cannot cope with this. She has a plan, and that plan involves the sea.

 

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Look, it's been a long week and it's only Wednesday. Sure, Trump's been going nuts over on Truth Social and Lindsey Graham is threatening mob violence on cable news, but who's up for a story instead? A story about a banking heiress and a Palm Beach club with lax security. Certainly nothing will go wrong.
 

Note: to read more about the Anna de Rothschild story, check out the incredible reporting by the Organized Crime and Corruption Reporting Project and the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

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Maureen has a new tooth! Dan’s kids are going to school. The last few weeks of the summer and hot and full of fun—because we’re hading into an exciting fall! Nothing weird is happening!

Except for a few boxes in the back of Mar-a-Lago. There’s a little bit going on with those. Just a bit of criming. Actually, quite a lot of criming. So much criming. So many boxes.

Plus, Maureen refines her cult plans. In her cult, no one turns purple. Dan has questions.

Come inside this storage room, SaysWhovia! We have boxes to go through! Everyone grab a box! Blue Apron: it’s not just a meal, it’s felony espionage

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Dan and Maureen are back, after this Sunday’s surprise episode with more! More crime! More details! More documents! More Trump! More legal peril, possible indictments, and institutional chaos!

But first, Maureen has to talk about this Dr. Oz vegetable thing, because it is keeping her up at night. It’s so weird, and so gross. If she can figure out what it means, she’ll understand everything.

Meanwhile, Dan has facts and figures about the raid at Mar-a-Lago—what was taken, when, by whom, and why—and just how long they tried to get it. Spoiler: a weirdly long time. Also, Rudy is in trouble! So much trouble. There’s trouble, right here in Rudy City, and it starts with T and it ends in P and that stands for Trump, or maybe Top Pooper. Something. It all means SOMETHING.

The summer’s not over yet. We have a few more weeks to go before we flame out and slip into a fall of hearings and elections. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

Strap in, SaysWhovia. Keep your hands and head inside the ride at all times. We’re still going up the hill, and that first drop is going to be WILD.

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SaysWhovians!

Dan has been traveling, but the Federal Bureau of Investigations didn't care and decided that this week—yes just a random week in the middle of August—was the week to suddenly SHOW UP AT MAR-A-LAGO WITH A WARRANT. 

Look, it took a couple days but Maureen and Dan got together on the weekend to finally talk through the absolute madness of this last week. 

Lock up your documents and grab a chair, it may be a Sunday but it's go time.

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It's travel time! Maureen is in the UK, Dan is outdoors by a pond, and covid is everywhere. Just not, currently, inside thier bodies. It must be summer travel in 2022 where if the covid doesn't get you, the monkeypox might. What fun.

Oh, did you hear the president got covid? Twice? Everything's just really great right now y'all. 

Fill up your tank, get your tray tables locked, it's go time.

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SaysWhovia, things are afoot across the pond, and ace sleuth Maureen Johnson is here to tell us all about it. Which is good because Dan's been traveling and has his head in the clouds and heart on the road instead of paying attention to current events. Shame on Dan. Good thing Maureen's on the case!

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It's been one week.

One.

Week.

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Content note: A generalized discussion of the Highland Park shooting on the 4th of July. No details of the shooting—mostly details about Highland Park.

Dan and Maureen have fled their respective cities. Dan is checking in from a woodland idyl, while Maureen reports from outside of Philadelphia. Both spent the Fourth of July avoiding fireworks. But because this is America, the Fourth of July was marked by violence. Because Dan knows Highland Park well, this week’s discussion turned to hometowns, living in America, and what comes after.

Also, no one likes fireworks, right?

This one’s about taking good care of yourself and each other, SayWhovia. Come sit on the picnic blanket with us.

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Yeah, SaysWhovia. We talk about Roe vs. Wade. But then we get into the juicy meat of the surprise January 6th hearing. It’s got everything! Battles for control of a steering wheel! Fights in back of cars! Ketchup running down walls! Real sad bastards looking at their phones! They were going to KILL THAT GUY.

Also, Maureen has a weird bug bite and will either live or die while recording.

Let’s just get into it. We’re already on the log flume. Strap in. We’re going to get wet.

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We’ve got the iced tea. We’ve got the television on. And we’ve got the January 6th hearings! Rudy is drunk. Ivanka is hiding behind 200 Zoom filters. Jared is bored. And everyone thinks Trump is an idiot.

Also, Dan’s back is better, but he keeps trying to buy domain names. Maureen went out into the world. And the UK is still being the UK.

But forget all that! GET YOUR ICED TEA!

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You guys, Dan is definitely not okay and needs to go to the doctor. Maureen is fine. Mostly.

But news. That’s what we are here about. And there is some! Finally, the hearings on January 6th are underway and swift, decisive justice is being meted out to all the participants. Lol. Just kidding. The hearings are about to start and Maureen just wants to watch them while drinking iced tea. Nothing will happen, but she is determined to have her Watergate Summer. Meanwhile, Dan reminds her that the mob really, really, really wanted to kill Mike Pence. And so did Trump, apparently! They were going to KILL Mike Pence. Kill him DEAD. THEY WERE GOING TO KILL THAT GUY.

Also, some freedom fighters were promised a big sandwich that never arrived.

Meanwhile, the UK is having a real one—celebrating all things Queeny. Seventy years! It’s a weird number to celebrate, which is why there are holograms and cake. Also, there was a sudden, major political upheaval in Parliament. They almost ousted Boris Johnson! They’re getting it done! They’re drunk and staring at beams of light, but they are getting it done!

But seriously, Dan is flat on his back and needs help. Someone help Dan. Get the stretcher, SaysWhovia. We’re taking him to the hospital.

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Maureen’s back at home after a long two weeks. She’s been taking care of some sick family members. Things could have gone better! Then again, they could have gone worse, so, she’ll take it. She also has some loose chicken in her pocket and a faraway stare. Dan has questions, but then, Dan always has questions.

There is discussion of the events in Texas, but then they get back to their main topic of conversation these days: when and where to build the compound. Dan thinks he knows.

Pack up, SaysWhovia. It’s time to go

Content note:This episode discusses the Uvalde, Texas school shooting. If that is something you would like to avoid, it happens between  28:00 and 50:00.

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Maureen‘s having a real one.

(Note: this was recorded before the shooting in Texas.)
 

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Greetings, SaysWhovians!  This week, Dan and Maureen are getting ready for our third Hot COVID Summer, now with even more COVID! Maureen has to go and take care of her dad, so they had to record early. Everything, as usual, is fine. Except for all the COVID. And the white supremacists. And the weird gatherings at Mar-a-Lago.

Okay. So maybe things aren’t fine. Maybe it’s time to formalize SaysWhovia into a cult compound. But a good one! With snacks and naps. It’s time, though. Would you like to sign up?

Get your robes. We’re going to the big tent.

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Maureen and Dan are back after a two week hiatus! It’s time to talk about the news again! Which means talking about the recent challenge to Roe vs. Wade. This one gets anatomical. And delicious?

Grab a bag of dips, SaysWhovia. We’re back!

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SaysWhovia!

It's another week and another deadline for Dan and Maureen. But never fear, this Town Watch episode from 2019 is here! Yes, here in the main feed is a vintage Says Who bonus episode ALL ABOUT WRITING!

Maureen and Dan will be back to their regular relentless schedule next week!

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SaysWhovians! Maureen and Dan are both up against some hard deadlines and couldn't get this week's episode recorded. But never fear! Maureen had an idea: Let's pull an episode from the Town Watch, our nearly-weekly bonus feed over on the Patreon, and share it with everyone!

So, from April 4, 2021, here's an episode where Maureen tells the story of hanging out with Judy Blume at her home in Key West Florida. 

Judy Blume has had her books banned for decades now, is an inspiration to us all, and also exactly who you would hope she is. 

Enjoy and see you next week!

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Maureen is overloaded with energy. She is crackling. She just set the rug on fire. Dan Dan bring her down to earth? Yes, yes he can. With his tales of self-care, being a dad, and…uh oh! Maureen touched a piece of paper and it also caught on fire. She cannot feel her hand. Help.

Luckily, it’s just a week of seismic electoral shifts. The UK unsticks the right-wing underbelly. France flushes the fascists. And the US…

What IS going on in the US? Is Biden running? Does anyone know?

Maureen has calmed down. She is sitting on a spiky mat. Come and try it, SaysWhova. It is very sharp. It will calm you.

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Today we’re taking a trip. Please find your seats. Masks? No masks here! IT’S A PODCAST. Besides, who needs masks anymore? Right?

Dan and Maureen process the surprise end of the mask mandate and delve into the weird goings on at the Happiest Place on Earth, where events continue to conspire to keep them away. They just want a Dole Whip. It’s been six years. Disney is under attack by Governor DeSantis, as well as a gaggle of truly strange protesters. Florida continues to Florida. Also, Maureen talks about book banning, textbooks, and then balls come into the picture.

Fasten your seat belts! This is going to be a bumpy flight!

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Maureen loses it. Everyone’s invited.

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Boo hoo! Maureen has been attacked by a plant. She has had a week and has been encased in bubble wrap. That’s okay—Dan’s been absorbing the news for her while she grows a new eyeball. Or something.

There is actual good news! A union organizer successfully beat Amazon! Kicking Bezos in the balls is the SaysWhovian way! Meanwhile, another battle looms: the right wing has gone full-on against Disney. It’s Fox versus Mouse time, and things are getting weird.

There is so much Disney in this one. It’s all coming full circle.  Will Disneyland soon be free of red hatted-Republicans, driven away by their leaders and infotainers? Will Dan and Maureen be able to ride the Haunted Mansion 25 times in a row without fear of anti-maskers? And why is Dan talking about the 2024 elections so much? Why won’t he stop?

Get in line, SaysWhovia. Let’s ride Space Mountain.
 

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Maureen has returned from England, and she has tales to tell! She was in the woods! The fields! She saw a horse! She had tea! She has been around so much COVID! SO MUCH COVID. Meanwhile, Dan fought a tree and lost.

Because Maureen has been blissfully unaware of what the hell is going on, Dan has to break it to her. There has been news. It refuses to stop happening, the news. Everyone in the White House has COVID. There are strange doings in the January 6th investigation. Traitors and dirtbags abound. And there is a mysterious hole in the records of what Trump was up to on January 6th, 2021. A seven hour hole. IT’S THE NEW WATERGATE! Maureen has been ready for this her entire life!

Also, she has a terrible thing to tell everyone. She has a bucket. Dan makes it weird.

Get your burner phones, SaysWhovia. We’re meeting in the basement garage.

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Strap on your lifevests, it's time to take a ride! 

Maureen is back from her first trip and she has stories to tell, stories of signage and toilets and more signage and more toilets, and also a secret message left just for her. Dan is entranced. It has been a long time since he has been anywhere. This is like hearing from Shackleton.

Meanwhile, there is news about Disney. And morons. And yachts. All of this is important, but did you know that teenage Dan had a theremin?

These are weird times, but Dan and Maureen have got your back. In fact, they want to take you away on a confiscated yacht. So get on board. This time, we’re really doing it.

Toot toot!

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Maureen leads off with a story about why going out is to be avoided. Dan has burned off his beard. Once these topics are exhausted, there is some talk of the news. This feels like a real mistake, so Maureen ends up clinging to her day planners in an attempt to deal with everything.

Get your crafting supplies, SayWhovia. We’re journaling our way out of this timeline.

CONTENT NOTE: In this episode, we discuss the ongoing assault on LGBTQI+ lives in the USA. Of the former, we don’t go into details. It’s mostly us yelling about it. Oh, also earlier there's some dog blood and poop stuff

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We got you a snack.

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This week’s thing is a little spicier than normal. It’s just a bit of a possible war situation, is all.

But never fear! There are places you can go to find answers and relief, places like the newly-launched Truth Social—the new Trump social media platform that’s all the rage! Most of that rage is due to the fact that it doesn’t work, but still, what could go wrong? Also, if you can’t sleep, apparently the My Pillow guy is throwing pillows out of airplanes.

Okay. Maybe those aren’t good things for coping. So Dan and Maureen return to Says Who U. It’s all about crafting! Making! And Maureen’s flowers! And this jar she has on her desk! She will show you all the things, even though this is a podcast and you can’t see them!

Get your felt and glitter, SaysWhovia. We’re making puppets.

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Well, Dan and Maureen’s terrible game of “which one of us will have COVID in the house first” is over and Dan has won. 

Also, it is Maureen's birthday, something she neglected to mention when she sent the episode summary in.

So this week they’ve decided to skip most of the news, because their brains are gravy and there are better things to talk about—like taco walks, and going to the park, and that one time Maureen accidentally starred in a TV show. We’ll talk about the Before, The Now, and the Just Around the Corner. Things get upbeat!

It turns out that the trick is avoiding the news and really leaning into the tacos.

Get on this jet ski, SaysWhovia. We’re leaving.

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This is a downright old fashioned episode! It’s got Trump! It’s got Mike Pence! It’s got Rudy! It’s got Disney! It has balls! It has food! It’s got people in trucks doing weird things! It’s got shades of insurrection! Maureen tells pointless stories and Dan brings it all home with some weird Chicago shit.

And most importantly, it’s got MUSIC! So much music! So come on in and sing along!     

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This week, Dan and Maureen…

…are trying. Look, you guys, they’re trying. 

Have you *seen* this week? That’s what they’re talking about.

SaysWhovia 2024: help us carry the body!

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Maureen is in a grouchy mood, what with the two years of pandemic and whatever. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a wonderful story to tell—a story of cake and parties and English people being extra English.

But Dan is the one who really has brought the goods. He has so many wonderful tales to tell! Tales of Trump and fax machines and Rudy knowing something! Tales of courts and trouble and that one time the rioters tried to hunt and kill Mike Pence for sport. This week is downright old fashioned! It’s like it’s 2018 all over again! Or 2019! Or maybe 1819! Or 1619! Whenever they used to hunt people in the street. It’s retro!

Somehow there’s a lot of talk of washi tape.

Forget it, Dan. It’s Grouchtown.

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Goodness gracious! Is it Wednesday again? 

Maureen does not know. She is adrift in space and time and has devoted herself to yacht rock. Dan is keeping track, but he isn’t happy about it. 

Maureen wants to tell Dan about Boris Johnson and his many parties. UK politics has never been so… UK. Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani is in trouble! So much trouble! So many kinds of trouble! The kind of trouble you can only get into if you have 18 phones, you’re constantly drunk, and you’re Rudy Giuliani. Not that any of it matters.

As usual, things devolve until Dan and Maureen try to figure out which one of them is the most cheerful.

Put on this captain’s hat, SaywWhovia! We’re going for a ride. Toot toot!

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Dan and Maureen are sleepy. They would like to take a nap. They have built two blanket forts in the SaysWhovia Town Hall and were trying to catch a few zzzz, but then they remembered that they needed to be awake. Obviously, this was tough to hear.

The news this week is…not all bad? There is some hope on the COVID front? And there is some news that is just very English. Maureen is here to talk about Partygate again—the scandal that has cheese. And there’s also bad news! But mostly, Dan and Maureen want to talk about games and napping. And Dan also wants to take a few pops at New York City, because he’s jealous that he doesn’t live there. So jelly. He lives in stupid Chicago with it’s stupid pizza that isn’t even pizza—it’s like a bread bowl gone wrong. Dan knows this and the fact is eating him up from the inside.

Grab your blanket, SaysWhovia. Let Dan and Maureen lull you to sleep. We just need a nice nap for a few months.

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We apologize in advance.

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Dan needs a moment. Things seem to be going in circles. It’s all COVID and January 6th. Is this just 2021 in a disguise? Dan has lots of statistics. He does not like them one bit. 

But Maureen has tales to tell! She had an adventure with a Christmas Tree, and New York has a new mayor! Everything is new and fresh and different, and if it isn’t, Dan and Maureen and determined to make it so. 

It’s slogan time. 

It’s cult time.

And also we find out that young Dan was raised by soap operas and had a terrible encounter with a Summer’s Eve commercial.

Splish splash, SaysWhovia! We’re all on the water slide together! LET'S RIDE!

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It's time for Dan and Maureen to do a wrap up of what can only be described as 2020 2: MORE OF THE SAME. We had it all this year! We started with a book deadline, a coup, and COVID. We end it with a book deadline, the ongoing outcomes of a coup, and more COVID!

Also Dan got a new hot water heater. He’s cold, and he hasn’t showered. Maureen fully flakes and begins to perform musicals.

Which is why Dan and Maureen are starting the cult for real. It’s time. 2022. It’s going to be great. Nothing can go wrong now.
 

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What could possibly go wrong.

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Dan and Maureen are in the festive spirit. Maureen has been following the story of the Very Naughty Christmas Party that is rocking the UK. And also all the Omicron. Also that. Oh, and a billion internet weirdos who have come to say hello to her. She’s keeping it all straight in her head.

Dan’s littlest son has returned to school, so Dan is really not sure where he is or what is going on. Everything is quiet. More time to read about the insurrection! He will tell Maureen all about it. He’s keeping it all straight in his head.

Yes, Dan and Maureen have got their fingers on the pulse of everything and it all makes sense.

Just kidding! 

Now, hang these stockings and sit by the fire. It’s time to hear about some fuckery with your pals.

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Dan and Maureen are going out of 2021 by going into the world. Not far into the world—just a little bit. Maureen has gone in for a hairdo. Dan’s son is going back into school. They are embracing the world again! Because nothing can go wrong now!

Trump and co are also saying yes to life by starting a new enterprise—and what an enterprise! They have founded a company that will do everything! All the media! Everywhere! All the time! They are very good at making things happen and running things so this can only go well. Dan really wants to break this down. How many things can a company do?

Because, SaysWhovia, we are riding out the period between sharks. Might as well get a hairdo and go to the bakery. Let’s milk every last drop out of 2021 before something eats our feet.

Grab an innertube and hop in!

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No really, it's fine.

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Hello SaysWhovia, 

Do you like a train wreck? Do you like your life flashing before your eyes? Do you like two octogenarians arguing about golf? Do you like to hear Maureen and Dan at the end of their ropes?

You're in luck. 

Everyone else, sorry.

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It’s Thanksgiving week and Maureen and Dan are preparing by not really preparing because neither one of them is really *that* into Thanksgiving. 

Make it what you want! Do your own thing! Fill your shoes with mashed potatoes! Jump up and down on the table! Steal your neighbor’s car and go hunting for cranberries! It’s YOUR day!

It’s also the day of reckoning for some of the great patriots of January 6th. They have gotten into some trouble. Not much, but probably more than we were expecting. Mike Lindell is still talking about something. Trump is wearing a tux. All of this makes Maureen spin out with realizations of what the next few years actually hold, and then the wheels come off the bus again.

Somehow, this all starts with Jeff Bezos’s balls?

Take a seat at the SaysWhovia table. There’s always a spot for you.

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Maureen is reporting in from a beach in Mexico, where the air is soft, the surf is soothing, and the trees are full of iguanas.  She has been writing in the sun. Dan has been on top of the news—and there’s good news! Danny Fenster has been freed from jail in Myanmar, Steve Bannon is heading in, and Alex Jones is about to lose all his money! It’s fantastic stuff. Dan is happy. Maureen is blissful. The iguanas are romantic. The sea laps the shore, and all is well.

But Maureen has questions. What’s in the sea? What’s that in the palm tree? What comes next? Dan tries to save her from herself, but he cannot move fast enough.

Members of the audience, please feel free to get up and move around. It’s the Great Intermission…or, it’s proof that Maureen can ruin anything.

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Dan's six-year-old has gotten vaccinated and Maureen's en route to Mexico! Things are CHANGING SaysWhovia, and it's OK. Things change, that's a lesson Dan's little one just learned from Sesame Street.

But one thing that hasn't changed is that Ted Cruz is an asshole, and on today's episode we'll learn what happens when the king of Chunky Soup takes on a beloved franchise that has looked out for kids for the last half-century.

Make sure your tray tables are locked, SaysWhovia, it's go time.

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