Resources: Leslie's Quick Start Guide "She Deserves Better" by Sheila Gregoire "The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila Gregoire Questions answered in this episode Can Women Offer Affection Without It Being Interpreted as a Sexual Invitation?

• Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.
• It’s important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.
• An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don’t always want it to lead to sex.”
• Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key.

Is It Wrong for a Woman to Fake Orgasms?

• Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.
• Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential.
• If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don’t expect me to reach orgasm.”
• Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance.

Are There Biblical Boundaries for Sexual Practices?

• Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.
• Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships.
• Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship.

What About Covert Forms of Marital Rape and Coercion?

• Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.
• True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences.
• If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues.

Is Masturbation a Concern in a Marriage?

• There is disagreement in the church on this topic. 
• Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship. 
• It’s important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage.
• Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment.

My Wife Never Liked Sex but She Married Me—What Should I Do?

• Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.
• It’s important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other’s needs and boundaries.
• Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment.
• Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly.

How Should We Handle Long-Term Relationship Repair and Growth?

• Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.
• Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
• Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner’s behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship.

Final Thoughts

• Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.
• Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
• Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership

RESOURCES: Resources: Kobe’s book: Why Am I Like This?: How to Break Cycles, Heal from Trauma, and Restore Your Faith Dwell Bible App 

In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey.

Prayer as a Healing Practice:

• Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing.
• Prayer in Daily Life: Kobe shares personal experiences where prayer has been pivotal in navigating challenges and finding peace amidst turmoil.

Spiritual Insights and Healing:

• Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering.
• Price of Righteousness: Doing the right thing does not always lead to immediate positive outcomes, yet God provides strength and resources for those who persevere.

Benefits of Therapy and Coaching:

• Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma.
• Healing Responsibility: While not responsible for the initial wounds, individuals are accountable for their healing journey.
• Questioning for Growth: Asking oneself questions is pivotal for healing, acknowledging there are answers beyond current understanding.

Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective:

• Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety.
• Misconceptions: Boundaries are not about punishment but safeguarding conditions for personal thriving and mutual respect.

Breath Prayer for Healing:

• Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence.

 

Join Moving Beyond People Pleasing! leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse

 

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko talks with Jill, a woman navigating the complex journey of staying well in a challenging marriage. Jill shares her story of setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and balancing hope with vigilance. Her experiences provide valuable insights for anyone facing similar marital struggles. Tune in to hear Jill's candid account of the ongoing battle to maintain wellness in her relationship.

 

Introduction to Jill's Story:

• Jill's background and the challenges she faced in her marriage.
• Early signs of an emotionally unhealthy marriage.

Navigating Family Influences:

• Impact of Jill's mother-in-law on her marriage.
• Establishing boundaries with extended family.

Steps Towards Healing:

• Seeking counseling and church community support.
• Building a business together and navigating financial struggles with faith.

Challenges of Staying Well:

• The constant effort required to maintain healthy boundaries.
• Handling emotional triggers and setting consistent limits.
• The difficulty of not reverting to old patterns of behavior.
• Balancing hope for improvement with vigilance against setbacks.
• Navigating emotional health within the family and maintaining stability for her children.
• Recognizing and addressing codependency and manipulation in relationships.

Behavioral Changes in Marriage:

• Positive changes in her husband's behavior and their communication patterns.
• Significance of transparency and trust-building.

Final Thoughts and Advice:

• Jill’s advice for women in similar situations.
• Emphasizing the language of behavior and the importance of reflecting on personal responses.

 

 

This is a special audio version of a workshop Leslie conducted where she answers the questions, "How Long Do I Keep Trying?" and "How Do I Know if This Relationship is Dead?" 

CLICK HERE for a free handout to take notes as you listen: leslievernick.com/webinarhandout

You'll also get a roadmap to rebuilding broken safety and trust. 

Conquer doors are open for new members...but just for a short time. If you'd like to join Conquer, go to www.leslievernick.com/jointoday.

In this episode Leslie introduces you to a powerful member of her coaching team. Elise Berryhill shares, vulnerably, about her experience with grief and dealing with a family member entrenched in addiction. 

In this episode Leslie shares stories you haven’t heard before about her personal experience with emotional abuse and the impact it had on her, even into adulthood. 

Hear how Leslie dealt with her destructive mother, even into adulthood. And, learn how she found healing and the real, practical steps you can implement in your own healing journey. 

Healing from Emotional Abuse: Three Practical Steps

1. “I’m lost. Where am I?” Re-educate yourself on what is healthy. Learn to identify your emotions so you can address them.
2. “What is my problem with their problem?” Identify and take responsibility for your problem, not your abuser’s problem. This will show you the work you need to do.
3. Recognize your limiting beliefs

“You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending.” - C.S. Lewis

Join us for a free, private webinar on September 29th. Register at www.leslievernick.com/webinar

 

Leslie’s website: www.leslievernick.com  

Leslie’s Blog: https://leslievernick.com/blog

 

In this episode you'll meet Suzanne, a woman who didn't even recognize many of her habits as being the result of her destructive marriage. The product of an abusive home, she found it easy to believe her husband's behavior was her fault. 

Four children and several decades later an event happened that opened Suzanne's eyes and set her on a course of real healing. You'll hear specific things she did and tips she has for you in finding healing from a destructive relationship.

Today’s guest is Joy Forrest, founder and Executive Director of Called to Peace Ministries and author of, “Called to Peace: A Survivor's Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse.” 

 

To become an advocate, request a church partnership liaison or find personal support, go to www.calledtopeace.org

How do you know when you're ready to date again?

Hannah is the daughter of Maureen from Episode 3, "Free After 41 Years." Hear Hannah describe what life was like growing up with her destructive father and how it impacted her as an adult. 

Have you been impacted by sexual betrayal? Take the FREE QUIZ HERE: www.braveone.com/freequiz

Dr. Sherri Keffer knows - personally - the devastation of sexual betrayal. 

In this episode Sherri tells her story and shares how denial and depression kept her from dealing with the truth of what was happening in her marriage. 

Learn the TWO PILLARS every sexually betrayed partner needs. 

Hear what you should do - and what you shouldn't do - when dealing with the sin of sexual betrayal.

Find out what you CAN DO - even when you don't know whether sexual betrayal has happened. 

And, answer the questions, once and for all ... is it YOUR fault this happened? Is there anything you could have done to have prevented it?

Leslie and Sherri will also talk about how to talk to the kids when there's been sexual betrayal in the marriage. 

 

 

In this episode Leslie deals with the topic of indifference. When does it cross the line and become an abusive apathy?

Alicia was pregnant with her sixth child when a virus left her paralyzed. Her sexually addicted pastor-husband used her disability as an opportunity to repeatedly rape her and then used the Bible to shame her into forgiveness and submission.

In this episode Leslie and Julie dive into the complex topic of intent and its role in destructive relationships. They explore the distinction between deeply selfish actions and those stemming from misguided theology, mental or physical illness, or past traumas. The discussion highlights whether intent should influence how we process harm and respond within our marriages, even when unintentional damage occurs.

Key Points:

• Intent vs. Impact:

  • The importance of recognizing that even unintentional actions can cause significant harm.
  • The need for restitution and justice regardless of intent.

• Forgiveness and Amends:

  • The balance between forgiveness and the necessity for repair and restitution.

• Addressing Harm in Marriage:

  • The importance of acknowledging and addressing the harm caused, even if unintentional.
  • The role of genuine repentance and changed behavior in rebuilding trust.

• When to Stop Bringing Up Past Hurts:

  • The necessity of ongoing conversation and understanding the victim's perspective.
  • The difference between genuine repentance and dismissing the victim's feelings.

• Trust and Safety in Relationships:

  • The critical role of trust and safety in maintaining a healthy marriage.
  • Examples of irreparable breaches of trust, such as adultery or financial deceit.

• Mental Illness and Responsibility:

  • The balance between compassion for mental illness and maintaining personal boundaries.

• Sacrificial Suffering and Boundaries:

  • The distinction between noble sacrifices and enabling harmful behavior.
  • The importance of not sacrificing one's well-being to enable another's worst behavior.

• Recognizing True Change:

  • Identifying genuine changes in behavior and heart versus superficial compliance.
  • The importance of mutual care and respect in a truly healthy relationship.

Listener Takeaways:

• Self-Worth and Dignity:

  • Understanding that a partner's indifference or cruelty is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
  • Embracing your value as an individual and image bearer of God.

• Living in Reality:

  • The power of facing the truth about your relationship for making informed decisions.
  • The importance of personal growth and becoming your best self.

Resources:

• Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

In part 2 of Leslie’s interview with author Gretchen Baskerville  you’ll hear more about what God has to say about marriage and divorce. They will tackle questions like, ”Is divorce always harmful to kids?” ”Is staying for the kids always the right thing to do?” And, ”Is divorce only permitted when they’re sexual infidelity?” And finally, ”How do you respond if you’re being judged or attacked for leaving a destructive marriage?”

 

Question 1 [1:10] Is Marriage a Permanent Covenant No Matter What?

 

Question 2 [3:50 ] What about the verse, “God hates divorce?”

 

Question 3 [11:03] Is divorce universally destructive to kids?

 

Question 4 [13:40] Is unfaithfulness the only biblically acceptable reason to divorce? And, does unfaithfulness mean only sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse?

 

Gretchen’s definition of abuse: [19:09]

 

An abuser’s “light side” aka love bombing: [20:39]

 

Question 5: [22:35] How do you deal with pressure from other Christians who don’t agree with your decisions or interpretations?

 

Question 6: [29:10] Who is the authority in your life?

 

 

Resources:

Gretchen Baskerville’s website: https://lifesavingdivorce.com/

Life Saving Divorce book by Gretchen Baskerville

Relationship Test: Are You in an Emotionally Destructive Relationship? 

List of Bible passages on divorce and abuse: www.lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible 

 

Leslie Vernick’s Website: www.leslievernick.com 

Gretchen Baskerville was the ultimate good Christian girl. She followed all the "rules" so she would get all of God's blessings. And then her marriage imploded. She wound up as a divorced mother full of hard questions for God and for the church. Hear part one of her two-part story and learn what she was never taught about what God says about women, marriage, and divorce. 

Leslie's advice when it comes to a destructive marriage is to "stay well" or "leave well." In today's episode she talks about staying well. When leaving isn't an option how do you maintain your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being?  

Chapter #1 3:49 Take care of you.

There are a couple essentials that you must do if you want to be a healthy person even if you're in a good situation but especially if you're in a bad situation. First of all you must prioritize your sleep. If you want to keep your sanity you must give your body and your mind a chance to reboot and that rebooting process takes place, primarily in two ways: 1. Sleep eight hours. 2. Exercise. Even if it’s just walking. Walking isn't going to give you big muscles or any of those kind of things but it does shake off all that cortisol that builds in your body when you live in a stressful environment so take care of your body. You must prioritize that. 

 

Chapter #2 5:49 Stop Isolating. The second thing that is really important is that you have to stop isolating. Isolating is one of the tactics of an abuser. The danger of isolation is that you get more and more tuned into one point of view which is your abuser's point of view because he's going to have a louder voice than you and he's going to tell you what's true. If you can't get out, get online. Read books. Listen to other people's perspectives. Study about abusers and abusive tactics so that you know what they're doing to try to twist your thinking.

Chapter #3 10:11 Guard Your Heart

In Proverbs it says above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. What does that mean when you're in a relationship with someone who trashes your heart all the time? The Bible describes our heart as our innermost being…the person we want to be… our values, our virtues, our essence, our desires, not our feelings.  What do you desire the most in your life? What kind of person do you desire to be? This is your heart and when someone keeps trashing and criticizing it takes a toll on you and you start to feel worthless and unimportant.

 

Don't let someone else diminish your light because they don't like it. They might feel threatened by you or insecure around you and so they try to make you smaller, tell you not to use your gifts. Don't allow yourself to fall for that. 

Guarding your heart also requires you to manage your emotions so that you don't allow your natural anger and your resentment and even your sorrow over your marriage to take over your life. When your feelings take over your life you've lost your essence and your virtues. 

 

Chapter #4 16:25 Renew Your Mind

Renew Your Mind with God's truth. Just like we need to reboot our body we need to be careful of our thought life

 

You have to guard your heart and you have to watch over your mind. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Who does that for you if you don't? 

 

So you have some work to do to stay sane in an unhealthy, toxic relationship…make sure that your self-talk isn't just affirmations. Instead, affirm yourself with the essence of who you want to be even though sometimes you slip into being an angry person. “I'm a decent human being. I am a worthy person created in God's image.”

 

Chapter #5 18:25 J.A.D.E.

There’s an acronym called J.A.D.E.  If you can start doing this it will help you tremendously when you're having a conversation with a toxic person. It really isn't a conversation when you don't have any input. When they don’t care what you have to say. J.A.D.E. is part of guarding your heart. It means: J - don't Justify why you want something or why you said something or why you don't want something. A - Don't Argue. D - Don’t defend yourself. E - Don't explain yourself. 

In a normal relationship when you have a conversation with someone you might explain yourself you might argue a bit, you might defend yourself. But when you do this with a toxic person what you will get into is a “crazy making” conversation that you will not know which side is up. There is no conversation…they're just out to blame, attack, accuse, deny, and shame you.

 

Chapter #6 22:04 Renew your mind with God's truth 

Our mind sees the negative more than the positive. Especially living in a toxic environment there's a lot of negative there and it would be easy to dwell on that. So another thing about guarding your mind and your heart is practice gratitude everyday. Look for a couple things that you can genuinely be grateful for. Focus on what you can be truy grateful for. Paul says, Whatsoever things are true, good, right, lovely… let your mind dwell on these things (Philippians 4 8). You have to practice doing that because we're not naturally inclined to do it  when we're in a hard place.

 

Chapter #7 24:16 Prepare to be independent 

Every human being who's over the age of 18 in this culture is considered an adult. An adult means that you are capable of taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Sometimes, as women, we allow ourselves to become overly dependent. When we become overly dependent on our husbands to make our financial security for us we are putting ourselves in an extremely vulnerable position because, if we're in a toxic marriage and we need to get out, we can't because we haven't prepared ourselves. So, if you're going to stay sane you need to know that you're capable of leaving if you have to and part of knowing that you're capable of leaving is being able to support yourself and your children.

 

Chapter #8 27:30 Q&A 

1. What if a woman tries to end a conversation but her husband won't stop… maybe he follows her around or yells through the door or won't stop texting and calling. How does a person handle this kind of behavior in their marriage?
2. How does a woman stay sane if she's dealing with a husband who has an addiction and maybe he's in complete denial about it? What kind of boundaries do you recommend that she have in this kind of situation?
3. What if a woman is married to a person who has been diagnosed as autistic (or some other diagnosis)...is it beholden upon her to stay because he has a diagnosis like this, even if he's destructive?
4. Should a woman who's trying to stay well continue with all of her regular “household duties?”  
5. What do you do or say when your husband says you should obey him like it says in the Bible?

 

Resources:

Set Up a Safety Plan: Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE 

Leslie’s book: “Defeating Depression: Real Hope for Life-Changing Wholeness”

Moving Beyond People Pleasing Course: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse

Share this episode: https://leslievernick.podbean.com/e/how-to-stay-sane-in-a-destructive-marriage/

Roby and her husband vetted aspiring ministers about the strength of their marriages...meanwhile their own marriage was hanging by a thread.

Hear this missionary's story about living in a destructive marriage and how her missionary organization treated her when it ended. 

In this episode Leslie Vernick talks to Elyse Fitzpatrick & Eric Schumacher, authors of, "Jesus and Gender: Living as Sisters and Brothers in Christ." 

 

You'll hear them talk about the church's traditional teaching of women being subservient to their husbands ... is that biblical? And, should a woman give up her identity in order to serve the marriage? (And does that actually serve the marriage?)

In this episode Leslie reveals the three must-have ingredients in any healthy relationship. And, she reveals when the line is crossed and a relationship becomes destructive. 

In this episode Leslie breaks down three popular teachings of the church that keep victims of abuse silent: 1. God calls us to forgive and forget

2. Die to yourself. Don't worry about your own happiness

3. Suffer, Sacrifice, and Submit - You can win your husband through your submission

Find out how one woman faced the truth about her marriage and learned how to live in that truth.

Leslie Interviews Reverend Chris Moles, author of, "The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Control and Violence in the Home."

In this episode, Leslie explains why she's so passionate about helping people with destructive relationships and how her ministry impacted Julie's life.

RESOURCES: JOIN HERE: Moving Beyond Insecurity Coaching Week Day One Journal App Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That?

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

In this episode, Julie talks to Kay, a woman who adopted children later in life and dealt with a very destructive marriage. She knew from the beginning there were issues, but chose to try and make it work anyway. Learn from her mistakes and listen to the hope she has to offer. Early Signs and Struggles: Kay recounts the lack of red flags during courtship, the first major incident on their honeymoon, and the initial discovery of her husband's infidelity. Julie and Kay discuss the shock and embarrassment Kay felt upon discovering these betrayals.

Cycles of Abuse and Financial Instability: Kay describes the cycles of destructive behavior, the impact of her husband's work-related stress on their family life, and his inability to maintain steady employment. She also shares her experience of financial abuse and a pivotal event in her marriage.

Turning Points and Seeking Help: The critical moment Kay found Leslie Vernick's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," which provided hope and clarity. Kay's decision to make significant changes for the well-being of her children and herself.

Filing for Divorce and Health Challenges: Kay recounts the moment her husband revealed his troubling mindset, believing it was a wife's duty to endure abuse and die. Shortly after filing for divorce, Kay was diagnosed with breast cancer and decided to keep it private for her own safety and her children's well-being.

Rebuilding and Moving Forward: Kay reflects on her journey to safety, securing legal protection and custody rights, and the relief of a stable life for her children. She expresses gratitude for her friends' support and the strength she found through faith and community.

Final Thoughts and Hope for the Future: Kay shares her commitment to teaching her children the value of truth and self-respect. She offers advice to women in similar situations: Be honest with yourself, seek support, and prioritize your well-being and safety.

Key Takeaways:

• Over-functioning in a marriage can mask deeper issues of abuse and inequality.
• Financial abuse can take many forms, including minimal contribution and control over household expenses.
• Journaling and honest reflection are crucial in understanding and addressing abuse.
• Supportive communities and honest friendships are invaluable in navigating and recovering from destructive relationships.
• Practical and realistic interpretations of scripture can provide clarity and strength in challenging times.

Find out what you can expect from Leslie Vernick's brand new podcast

RESOURCES: Quick Start Guide - www.leslievernick.com/start Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with Assistant District Attorney and Adjunct Professor, Molly Catherine Goodson to explore the intersection of faith, justice, and abuse. Molly Catherine shares personal journey and professional insights, discussing how her faith sustains her in this high-stakes role. She provides practical advice for victims of abuse, highlights the church's role in supporting and protecting them, and emphasizes the importance of empowering women within the church community.   Note: Molly Catherine is not representing the state of North Carolina in this episode.

• Balancing a High-Stress Job and Personal Faith: Molly Catherine discusses how her faith helps her manage the stress and high stakes of her career, sharing the importance of worship music and the powerful prayer from her pastor that helps her stay grounded.

• Maintaining Faith Amidst Evil: Leslie and Molly Catherine explore the challenge of maintaining faith in God's goodness despite witnessing daily evils, emphasizing the importance of viewing circumstances through the lens of God's character.

• Biblical vs. Legal Justice: A discussion on the differences between biblical justice and legal justice, explaining that while Jesus takes on our sins, earthly actions still have consequences.

• Forgiveness and Consequences: Addressing common misconceptions in churches that forgiveness erases consequences, stressing that actions have consequences and forgiveness does not negate the need for justice.

• Empowering Women: Encouraging women to learn essential life skills to become less dependent on their abusers, highlighting the empowering effect of managing finances, household tasks, and other responsibilities.

• Church Support for Victims: Practical ways churches can support victims of abuse, such as knowing local resources, helping with logistics, and offering emotional support. Emphasizing the church's role in ensuring the safety and well-being of individuals over maintaining relationships at all costs.

• Hope and Redemption: Molly Catherine shares a hopeful story of a victim of sexual abuse within a church community and how proper support and handling of the case led to justice and healing.

RESOURCES:

Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

If you'd like to ask a question for a future "Ask Leslie" episode, go to www.leslievernick.com/askleslie Questions in this episode:

• Doesn’t there have to be infidelity, domestic violence or abandonment as a reason for divorce? 

• 8:51 What does it mean to detach and can I detach from my husband who shows contempt for me and dismisses my feelings and needs
• 23:56 How is empathy different from people pleasing?
• 27:47 What is a narcissist and how do we appropriately use this term?
• 37:33 What does chronic indifference look like in a relationship?

 

RESOURCES: www.leslievernick.com

Quick Start Guide

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1. Marital Challenges:

   • Rachel describes her passiveness in her marriage, emphasizing the tension between maintaining peace at home and the public persona she had to project.
   • She recounts instances of emotional and verbal abuse from her husband, including public humiliations and controlling behaviors.

2. Custody Battle and Legal Struggles:

   • Rachel talks about the difficult decisions she had to make regarding her children’s well-being and her work-life balance.
   • She details her harrowing experiences with the legal system during her divorce and custody battle, highlighting the allegations and the temporary loss of contact with her children.

3. Health and Recovery:

   • Rachel discusses the impact of stress on her health, leading to hospital visits and a brief institutionalization.
   • She shares her journey towards healing, emphasizing the role of her faith and community support in overcoming her challenges.

4. Empowerment and Advice:

   • Rachel reflects on the lessons learned from her struggles, discussing the importance of recognizing one's worth and the potential dangers of staying in destructive relationships.
   • She offers advice to listeners who might be in similar situations, encouraging them to seek help and prioritize their safety and mental health.

5. New Beginnings and Continued Challenges:

   • Rachel discusses the ongoing challenges of co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner and the strategies she employs to maintain stability for her children.
   • She explores the emotional impact of her journey on her relationship with her children.

6. Spiritual Growth and Personal Insights:

   • Rachel shares how her understanding of biblical teachings on marriage and divorce evolved, highlighting how new interpretations helped her find freedom from oppression.
   • She discusses the role of her faith community and resources like the Conquer program in providing support and validation during her recovery.

RESOURCES:

• Dr. Alison Cook
• I Shouldn't Feel This Way
• "The Best of You" Podcast
• Lesllie's Quick Start Guide

I. Story: Understanding Emotional Triggers A. Example of anger towards adult child B. Framing emotions: Is it about the other person, oneself, God, or circumstances? C. Importance of recognizing the source of emotions

II. Three Practices for Emotional Health A. Naming Emotions 1. Recognizing and labeling feelings without judgment 2. Importance of self-awareness and emotional vocabulary

B. Framing Emotions 1. Understanding the context and underlying causes of emotions 2. Examining personal responsibility and perspective

C. Braving Action 1. Taking intentional steps based on emotional understanding 2. Balancing discernment and action in response to emotions

III. Selfhood and Agency in Relationships A. Acknowledging personal needs and boundaries B. Exploring societal and Christian expectations for women C. Embracing selfhood as essential for healthy relationships

IV. Recognizing Self-Gaslighting A. Identifying invalidation of personal experiences B. Cultivating self-trust and authenticity C. Partnering with God's discernment in navigating emotions

V. Benefits for Spiritual and Psychological Growth A. Integration of faith and psychology in emotional healing B. Understanding the role of emotions and the body in spiritual life C. Tools for self-compassion and emotional resilience

This episode delves into practical strategies for emotional discernment, emphasizing self-awareness, framing emotions, and taking intentional action. It highlights the importance of embracing selfhood and offers tools for self-compassion and growth, regardless of one's spiritual beliefs.

RESOURCES www.leslievernick.com Suicide and crisis hotline: 988

• Challenges in Recognizing Unsafe Relationships

  • Dismissing Own Feelings and Needs
  • Fear of Confronting Truth About Relationship Dynamics

• Addressing Misguided Advice

  • Forgiveness and Forgetting
    • Importance of Remembering Past Actions for Setting Boundaries
    • Illustration: Story of the Songwriter Behind "Amazing Grace"
    • Understanding Need for Repentance and Growth
  • Maintenance vs. Repair Work in Relationships
    • Analogy: House Maintenance and Repair
    • Necessity of Addressing Trust and Safety Issues Before Other Issues
    • Recognizing Difference Between Maintenance Tasks and Repair Work

• Understanding Individual Capacity and Emotional Management

  • Importance of Self-Awareness in Managing Emotions
  • Recognizing Emotional Capacity and Limitations
  • Analogies: Understanding Emotional Capacity Through Everyday Examples

• Taking Ownership of Personal Growth

  • Individual Responsibility for Personal Development
  • Importance of Prioritizing Self-Care and Emotional Well-Being
  • Recognizing When Individual Work is Necessary Before Addressing Relationship Issues

• Seeking Help and Support

  • Encouragement to Seek Professional Guidance and Support
  • Highlighting Available Resources for Personal Growth and Relationship Support
  • Empowerment to Prioritize Personal Growth and Safety in Relationships
  •  

Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care

1. Introduction to Boundaries

• Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect.
• Understanding the importance of boundaries in various aspects of life.

2. Recognizing Boundary Violations

• Signs of boundary violations include feeling drained, disrespected, or overwhelmed.
• Identifying situations where boundaries are being crossed and acknowledging the need for change.

3. Establishing Boundaries

• The importance of clear communication when setting boundaries.
• Examples of effective boundary-setting phrases 

4. Dealing with Criticism

• Addressing criticism that may arise when implementing boundaries.
• Seeking support from understanding individuals who respect your journey.

5. Respecting Yourself

• Embracing self-respect and understanding that boundaries are not selfish but necessary for personal growth.
• Recognizing and valuing your uniqueness and individual needs.

6. Knowing Yourself

• The importance of self-awareness in establishing and maintaining boundaries.
• Understanding your preferences, limitations, and values to make informed decisions.

RESOURCES: Find Joel Muddamalle's books and more at: www.muddamalle.com Find Leslie's books, programs, and more at: www.leslievernick.com  Find Lysa Terkeurst and the Therapy and Theology podcast: www.lysaterkeurst.com/therapy-and-theology  I. Introduction: Setting the Stage

• Acknowledging the complexity and sensitivity surrounding the issue of divorce and the Bible

II. Interpreting Malachi 2:16

• Analysis of the New King James Version's interpretation of Malachi 2:16
• Emphasis on the importance of understanding cultural context and nuances in translation
• Addressing misconceptions and criticism regarding biblical interpretation

III. Unpacking the Statement "God Hates Divorce"

• Clarification of the implications of a unilateral statement from God
• Discussion on the potential impact on individuals experiencing divorce
• Emphasis on the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical teachings

IV. Marriage, Divorce, and Biblical Context

• Examination of Exodus 21 and implications for marriage and divorce
• Discussion on the complexity of marital relationships and divine understanding
• Exploration of the New Testament teachings on divorce, particularly Jesus' response to the Pharisees

V. Understanding the Cultural and Historical Context

• Insights into the debate between the Hillel and Shammai camps regarding divorce
• Analysis of Jesus' response to the Pharisees and its cultural implications
• Consideration of Paul's teachings on divorce and remarriage

VI. Pastoral and Ethical Implications

• Reflection on the pastoral responsibilities in addressing divorce and marriage issues
• Advocacy for seeking specialized help and guidance in dealing with complex marital situations
• Emphasis on the importance of theological honesty and discernment in interpreting scripture

VII. Encouragement and Final Words

• Affirmation of God's love and care for individuals, particularly women
• Encouragement to uphold one's dignity and worth as children of God
• Call to discernment, prayer, and reliance on the Holy Spirit in understanding biblical truths.

 

RESOURCES:

• Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/o
• Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
• Leslie Vernick’s book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.

1. Understanding Core Strength:

   • Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.

2. Core Strength Components:

   • Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.
   • Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions.
   • Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one’s safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame.
   • Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior.

3. Practical Applications:

   • Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.
   • They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner.

4. Facing Reality and Fear:

   • The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.

5. Building a Safety Plan:

   • The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.

6. Wise Counsel and Discernment:

   • How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.

Segment 1: Setting Boundaries with Compassion

• Leslie emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries for safety without resorting to shaming or demeaning language.
• Discussing the misconceptions around divorce and the true essence of God's stance on marriage, rooted in love and protection for women.

Segment 2: The Journey of Forgiveness

• Examining the stages of forgiveness and repentance in rebuilding a fractured marriage.
• Understanding the woman's role in moving forward, including evaluating trust, releasing resentment, and embracing personal growth.

Segment 3: Confronting Painful Realities

• Sharing poignant stories of tragedy and anger to illustrate the lasting impact of recklessness and the necessity of processing emotions.
• Encouraging listeners to rewrite their stories beyond victimhood, embracing resilience and new beginnings.

Conclusion:

• Leslie emphasizes that, regardless of the outcome, finding peace and growth is possible.
• Julie reinforces the idea that even if the desired ending differs from reality, a happy conclusion can still be achieved through personal transformation.

•  

In this episode, we dive deep into Marie's inspiring journey of breaking free from an emotionally destructive marriage, finding strength in faith, and building a new life of purpose and empowerment.

Part 1: Recognizing Toxic Patterns

In the first part of our show, Leslie and Marie confront harmful beliefs perpetuated by society and religion. They discuss the misconceptions surrounding marriage, divorce, and self-sacrifice, shedding light on the importance of discerning between true biblical teachings and damaging ideologies.

Part 2: Embracing Healing and Growth

Marie courageously shares her story of recognizing warning signs, seeking support, and setting boundaries to protect herself from further harm. Through the Conquer Group and trusted family members, she found the strength to navigate the challenges of divorce and embrace the healing process with resilience and faith.

Key Points:

1. Challenging Toxic Beliefs: Marie and Leslie challenge damaging beliefs that perpetuate toxic patterns in relationships. They emphasize the importance of discerning between true biblical teachings and harmful misconceptions that contribute to emotional and psychological harm.

2. Recognizing Warning Signs: Marie recounts her journey of acknowledging the warning signs of abuse and the pivotal moment when she realized she couldn't ignore them any longer. She shares her experience of grappling with emotional manipulation and gradually coming to terms with the severity of her situation.

3. Seeking Support: Through the Conquer Group and trusted family members, Marie found the courage to seek support and guidance. She emphasizes the importance of reaching out to trusted individuals who can offer perspective and encouragement during difficult times.

4. Setting Boundaries: Marie reflects on the crucial role of setting boundaries in protecting oneself from further harm. She shares how prioritizing her well-being and asserting her needs, despite pushback from her ex-husband, helped her regain a sense of autonomy and self-respect.

5. Embracing Healing: Despite the challenges of divorce and rebuilding her life as a single mother, Marie embraced the healing process with resilience and faith. She shares how leaning on her relationship with God and embracing her identity outside of marriage empowered her to envision a brighter future.

6. Moving Forward with Purpose: Today, Marie is embarking on a new chapter of entrepreneurship, leveraging her experiences to support other women in similar situations. She encourages listeners to prioritize their own growth and well-being, knowing that they are deserving of love, respect, and fulfillment.

RESOURCES Join Leslie's free workshop April 9th. Register at www.leslievernick.com/freetraining      

Leslie interviews Rebecca Davis, author of the Untwisting Scriptures series.  1. The Genesis of "Untwisting Scriptures"

• Discover the origins of Rebecca's groundbreaking series, sparked by the urgent need to address misuses of scripture in handling sensitive issues like sexual abuse.
• Learn how Rebecca's journey evolved from social media advocacy to a comprehensive exploration of scriptural interpretations.

2. Challenging Authority and Misinterpretation

• Rebecca's transition from missionary storytelling to theological discourse, as she courageously challenges flawed interpretations of scripture.
• Understand the significance of Rebecca's work in addressing gender disparities and offering fresh perspectives within theological discussions.

3. Addressing Core Issues

• Delve into the critical themes tackled in Rebecca's books, including the misrepresentation of Christian rights and the often misunderstood concept of biblical bitterness.
• Gain valuable insights as Rebecca realigns these notions with the true character of God, providing a roadmap to understanding and spiritual freedom.

4. Cultivating a New Vision of God

• Uncover Rebecca's mission to correct distorted images of God prevalent in abusive religious environments, revealing the loving, relational nature of the divine.
• Experience a transformative journey toward spiritual clarity as Rebecca illuminates the true essence of God's word.

5. Reception and Impact

• Explore the overwhelming positive response to Rebecca's work, underscoring the profound need for her message in a world hungering for authentic spiritual guidance.
• Understand the formidable challenge Rebecca's engagement with scripture poses to critics, despite minimal direct confrontation.

6. Untwisting Bitterness and Beyond

• Delve into the unjust accusations of bitterness often faced by victims in abusive situations, as Rebecca offers fresh perspectives on accountability and forgiveness within the church.
• Gain invaluable insights into navigating complex emotions and reclaiming spiritual agency. Resources:  Rebecca Davis: www.rebeccadavisinfo.com Untwisting Scriptures Book series: https://heresthejoy.com/untwistingscriptures/  Leslie Vernick: www.leslievernick.com 

Defining Self-Esteem and Self-Image

• Julie poses the question: What constitutes healthy self-esteem, especially from a biblical standpoint?
• Leslie explores the concept of self-esteem in relation to self-image.
• Discussion on the formation of self-image through interactions and perceptions, particularly in childhood.
• Highlighting the role of parental influence and societal standards in shaping self-esteem.

Understanding Humility and Self-Acceptance

• Expanding on the notion of humility as a component of healthy self-esteem.
• Drawing parallels between humility and accepting one's limitations.
• Leslie emphasizes the importance of embracing truth about oneself and avoiding unrealistic expectations.
• Discussing the difference between self-improvement and self-condemnation.

Biblical Perspective on Self-Worth

• Julie prompts discussion on what the Bible says about self-worth and identity.
• Leslie highlights biblical verses affirming inherent value and purpose in individuals.
• Emphasizing God's unconditional love and acceptance regardless of human flaws.
• Encouraging listeners to recognize their worth as God's beloved creations.

Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

• Addressing the impact of negative self-talk and external criticisms on self-esteem.
• Sharing personal anecdotes and struggles with self-esteem.
• Strategies for combating negative self-talk, including renewing the mind with truth.
• Encouraging listeners to challenge and replace self-defeating thoughts with affirmations of truth.

Balancing Self-Care and Self-Improvement

• Delving into the fine line between self-care and self-absorption.
• Discussing the potential pitfalls of excessive self-focus in pursuit of improvement.
• Advocating for a balanced approach that includes consideration of others' needs and interests.
• Highlighting the importance of nurturing healthy relationships and community support.

In this compelling episode, we delve into the courageous journey of Amanda as she navigates through tumultuous waters in her marriage, finding strength, and healing amidst chaos.

Early Struggles and Expectations:

• Amanda reflects on the early struggles in her marriage, feeling the weight of societal and religious expectations placed upon her as a wife and Christian. The pressure to maintain a facade of perfection made it difficult for her to seek help.

Impact on Family and Identity Crisis:

• She shares the realization of how her marital struggles affected her children, prompting her to prioritize their well-being over societal expectations. Amanda opens up about the identity crisis she experienced when her reactions contradicted her perceived identity.

Overcoming Shame and Seeking Help:

• Despite feelings of shame and embarrassment, Amanda reached a turning point when she recognized the need to prioritize her mental health and seek support for herself and her children.

Discovering Support and Resources:

• Amanda discusses her journey of finding support through programs like Conquer and Walking in Core Strength, which provided her with valuable tools and biblical guidance to navigate through her challenges.

Facing Reality and Acceptance:

• Amanda bravely confronts the reality of her marital situation, acknowledging persistent behavior patterns. Despite the challenges, she maintains hope and resilience, prioritizing personal growth and the well-being of herself and her children.

RESOURCES:  Join Walking in Core Strength: www.leslievernick.com/strength

     

 

The Danger of Pornography:

• It's not just a biblical issue; studies in psychology and science show the harmful effects of pornography.
• Pornography can lead to sexual dysfunction, making individuals less responsive to a normal sexual relationship with their partner.
• Internet addiction, including pornography, is causing societal problems, making people less connected and more self-absorbed.

The Objectification and Harm of Women:

• Leslie points out the mistreatment, objectification, and even trafficking of women in the pornography industry.
• She quotes Jesus, who condemned those who harm children, linking this to the harm caused by pornography, especially when children are involved.

Is Pornography Adultery?:

• According to the Bible, adultery is not limited to physical acts; it also includes unfaithfulness and lustful thoughts.
• The reluctance of some churches to equate pornography with adultery may stem from the fear of increasing divorce rates in their congregations.

Addressing Pornography Addiction:

• It's important to learn how to say no to oneself for a higher purpose.
• If one can't be honest about their addiction and seeks to hide it, the lying becomes a deeper issue than the addiction itself.

Masturbation:

• If a partner is unavailable due to injury or illness, self-care may be appropriate. However, using masturbation to avoid intimacy can be harmful to the relationship.

Women and Pornography:

• Pornography is not solely a male issue, as more women are exploring their own sexual desires.
• Leslie highlights the dangers of pornography, emphasizing that it can lead to unhealthy relationships and addiction.

Talking to Children About Pornography:

• Leslie provides advice on how to approach the topic of children watching pornography or exploring their bodies.
• She emphasizes not shaming children but educating them about appropriate boundaries.

Hope for Recovery:

• Leslie offers hope for those affected by pornography addiction, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness and redemption.
• She encourages a path toward honesty and away from deception and addiction.

Support for Spouses:

• Leslie advises spouses not to become consumed with fixing their partner's problem but to address their own emotions and needs.
• It's essential to focus on personal safety, trust, and emotional well-being while being compassionate and supportive.

 

1. Understanding Abuse Dynamics:

   • Andrew and Leslie delve into the multifaceted nature of abuse, encompassing emotional, psychological, and spiritual manipulation.
   • They highlight the insidious tactics employed by abusers to exert control and maintain power over their victims, emphasizing the importance of recognizing red flags and setting boundaries.

2. Breaking the Silence:

   • Both hosts underscore the significance of breaking the silence surrounding abuse and fostering environments of safety and support for survivors to share their experiences.
   • They encourage listeners to validate and honor their own narratives, while also extending empathy and understanding to those who may struggle to disclose their stories.

3. Navigating Victimhood and Empowerment:

   • Andrew and Leslie engage in a nuanced discussion on the concept of victim blaming, emphasizing the importance of holding perpetrators accountable while offering compassion and support to survivors.
   • They explore the complexities of maturity and self-empowerment, challenging harmful narratives that perpetuate cycles of shame and self-blame.

4. Spiritual Dynamics and Healing:

   • In the context of Christian faith, Leslie addresses the challenges faced by women reconciling teachings of submission with experiences of abuse, highlighting the need for discernment and critical engagement with scripture.
   • Andrew shares his personal journey of confronting his past actions and embracing a process of self-reflection and transformation, emphasizing the role of truth-telling, accountability, and therapeutic support in his healing journey.

5. Practical Steps Toward Healing:

   • Practical advice is offered for individuals experiencing abuse, including seeking support from trusted networks, consulting with professionals, and prioritizing safety and self-care.

Both hosts emphasize the importance of recognizing triggers, practicing self-awareness, and advocating for healthy boundaries in relationships as crucial steps toward healing and empowerment.

RESOURCES: Join Walking in Core Strength Andrew Bauman's book, How Not to Be an #ss Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health & Trauma  Andrew Bauman's Website

 

Podcast Show Notes: Managing Emotions and Conflict Resolution

In this comprehensive discussion on managing emotions and resolving conflicts, various tools and strategies are explored to navigate challenging conversations and maintain healthy relationships.

Understanding Emotional Responses:

• The conversation begins by acknowledging the complexity of emotional responses, especially in high-conflict situations.
• Emotions like frustration and desperation often arise when individuals feel unheard or invalidated by the other party.

Tools for Emotional Regulation:

• Practical tools are discussed for managing strong emotions during difficult conversations.
• Grounding oneself internally is emphasized, highlighting the importance of not overly relying on external factors for emotional stability.

Preparation for Conflict:

• Prior preparation for conflict is recommended, including affirming internally that one's validation doesn't depend on the other party's approval.
• Setting boundaries around communication and emotional engagement is crucial for maintaining composure during heated discussions.

Biblical Principles in Conflict Resolution:

• The discussion incorporates biblical teachings on conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of gentle communication and avoiding harsh words.
• Anecdotes are shared to illustrate how calm and empathetic responses can defuse tense situations.

Addressing Lingering Relationship Issues:

• The conversation shifts to addressing unresolved issues within relationships, such as past infidelity.
• The importance of acknowledging the impact of past actions and showing compassion for the affected party is emphasized.

Individual Responsibility vs. Relationship Dynamics:

• While individuals are responsible for their own healing and emotional well-being, genuine efforts from both parties are necessary for resolving relationship issues.
• Seeking professional help for unresolved trauma or emotional distress is encouraged, alongside self-reflection for personal growth.

Conclusion:

• This comprehensive discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and compassionate communication in navigating challenging conversations and resolving conflicts within relationships.
• Practical strategies are integrated with biblical principles to provide a holistic approach to emotional regulation and conflict resolution.

 

Resources: Sign up for Walking in Core Strength - www.leslievernick.com/strength

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

JADE stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain, a tool to recognize unproductive patterns in arguments.

BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm, a method for managing communication in contentious situations.

 

 

Julie and Coach Diana answer all your questions about Walking in Core Strength... and offer valuable insights you can apply to your life today.

1. Understanding Core Strength: Diana explains how Walking in Core Strength focuses on nurturing maturity and rediscovering one's identity rooted in Christ.
2. Unveiling Destructive Patterns: Learn how the program helps women identify and challenge destructive beliefs and behaviors.
3. Cultivating Empowerment: Discover the importance of setting healthy boundaries and taking responsibility for personal growth and well-being.
4. Embracing Faith and Transformation: Hear about the supportive community and deep Christian fellowship that participants experience in the program.
5. Taking the Next Step: Interested listeners can sign up for Walking in Core Strength at www.leslievernick.com/strength and embark on a journey of faith-based empowerment and transformation.

Join Julie and Diana as they explore the life-changing potential of Walking in Core Strength and invite Christian women to step into a renewed sense of purpose and freedom.

To learn more and sign up for the program, visit www.leslievernick.com/strength.

• RESOURCES Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times by Stormie OMartian Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

 

Reflecting on the Past

Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her marriage to observe how others interacted in their marriages. She realized that healthy relationships exist and had to rewrite the script in her mind about what is normal and healthy.

Challenging the Spouse

Laura describes how challenging her husband or saying no would lead to either being ignored, receiving a different storyline, or being told she was wrong. She mentions how this would escalate to character assassination, erasing what she thought and wanted, making her feel she had to go along with what he did.

Hitting the Wall

As her kids got older, financial troubles and unstable work for her husband added to the stress. Three occasions in four months where her husband physically hit her were pivotal. After the first incident, she contacted the church, seeking accountability, but it led to no meaningful support. Her husband never acknowledged his actions.

Lack of Support and Apologies

Laura shares how her husband never apologized or acknowledged the abuse, often claiming that incidents never happened or were accidental.

Physical and Emotional Abuse

Laura explains why she did not call the police, mentioning her fear of creating a bigger mess and the belief that any report would lead to someone going to jail. She learned the importance of documentation and how having a case number could have helped her later.

Fear and Control

Laura recounts another incident where her husband shoved her out of bed, leading her to scream for help. She didn't call the police, fearing the consequences. Her husband continued to downplay and dismiss her concerns.

Finding Leslie Vernick

After these incidents, Laura tried one more round of counseling. Seeing her husband act cruelly towards his mother was a turning point. A friend recommended Leslie Vernick's book, which gave her the words to explain her experiences and recognize the patterns of abuse.

Joining Conquer

Laura joined Conquer in 2017. Leslie's teachings and the supportive community were a godsend. She learned about her identity in Christ and how to have healthy relationships, which helped her grow and heal.

Grieving and Healing

Leaving a 32-year marriage involved a grief process for Laura. Time and counseling have been healing. She had to intentionally remember the good times and not vilify her ex. Now, she can pray for him and look forward to advancing God's kingdom in her life.

Moving Forward and Dating Again

After seven years of being divorced, Laura is cautiously open to a new relationship. She approaches it differently, being mindful and keeping other people engaged. She remains true to herself and looks for mutual engagement and respect.

Conclusion

Laura encourages women in similar situations to see their own beauty and courage. She advises focusing on personal health and taking steps towards independence. Empowering oneself and one's children towards Christ and their own identity is crucial.

Encouragement and Next Steps

Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on individual wellness and taking the next right step. She suggests creating a safety plan and being around supportive people who will speak life into you.

 

Topic: Reconciling After Separation

In this episode, we discuss a question regarding reconciliation after a 34-year marriage marred by issues of pornography and verbal abuse. Despite the challenges, both individuals have made personal progress over the years and are now contemplating the possibility of reuniting.

Key Points:

1. Assessing Individual Growth:

   • One crucial aspect is evaluating individual growth and whether both parties have made positive changes over the years.
   • It's essential to consider if the person seeking reconciliation has demonstrated genuine efforts to address past issues, such as seeking therapy or counseling.

2. Exploring Expectations:

   • Questions about expectations for the future arise, including whether the desire to reconcile stems from genuine personal growth or external pressures.
   • Both individuals should reflect on their personal desires and needs, independent of society's or family's expectations.

3. Establishing Boundaries:

   • Setting boundaries is crucial, especially regarding behaviors that contributed to the initial separation, such as pornography use or verbal abuse.
   • Both parties must demonstrate respect for each other's boundaries and be willing to uphold them consistently.

4. Testing Compatibility:

   • Before considering moving back in together, it's advisable to test compatibility through short-term arrangements or trial periods.
   • Spending extended time together, such as weekends or vacations, can provide insight into whether reconciliation is viable in the long run.

5. Prioritizing Self-Care:

   • Individuals should prioritize their own well-being and personal growth throughout the reconciliation process.
   • This includes maintaining boundaries, seeking support from a community or therapist, and engaging in self-reflection.

Conclusion: Deciding whether to reconcile after a significant separation involves careful introspection, communication, and a commitment to personal growth. It's essential for both parties to prioritize their well-being and assess compatibility before making any long-term decisions.

Resources:

• Video: When to Separate and When to Reconcile
• For men seeking resources on personal growth and relationship improvement, Chris Moles and Andrew Bauman offer valuable insights and support.
• Books such as "How Not to Be a Jerk in Your Marriage" by Andrew Bauman provide practical guidance for men navigating relationship challenges and personal growth.
• The book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 can help individuals develop emotional intelligence and strengthen interpersonal relationships.
• If you are a man who wants to change: video. 

Disclaimer: Individual circumstances vary, and the decision to reconcile should be based on careful consideration of personal needs, boundaries, and compatibility. 

In this poignant and candid episode of "Relationship Truth, Unfiltered," Leslie's guest, Mark Savage bares his soul as he shares his extraordinary journey from the depths of a devastating affair to the triumphant rebuilding of trust with his spouse, Jill. Mark takes us through the challenges of personal growth, honest conflict resolution, and celebrating individual strengths within their marriage. This episode serves as a powerful testament to Mark's inspiring story of redemption and resilience, offering a beacon of hope for those looking to break free from destructive relationship patterns and embark on the path to a brighter, trust-filled future.

Introduction

• Introduce the episode with a brief overview of the topic and the guest, Mark Savage.
• Highlight the significance of rebuilding trust in a relationship and the journey towards becoming a trustworthy person.

Mark Savage's Personal Journey

• Discuss Mark's personal journey of transformation and the challenges he faced.
• Emphasize the commitment and difficulty involved in making profound changes.

Jill's Growth and "Inviting with Love"

• Explain how Jill, Mark's spouse, played a crucial role in their healing journey.
• Discuss Jill's commitment to personal growth and her approach of "inviting with love" to encourage Mark's return home.

Rebuilding Trust and Accountability

• Explore the strategies and decisions Mark and Jill implemented to rebuild trust.
• Highlight their commitment to healthy conflict resolution and open communication.
• Mention their practice of reading books together to facilitate growth and understanding.
• Explain the shift in accountability, where Mark took more responsibility for his actions and decisions.

Becoming Trustworthy and Embracing Strengths

• Discuss Mark's personal transformation, his self-acceptance, and newfound confidence.
• Highlight the importance of celebrating each other's strengths within a marriage.
• Emphasize the evolution from rebuilding trust to becoming trustworthy.

Connecting with Mark and Jill

• Direct listeners to Mark and Jill's website, MarkandJill.org, for more information on their ministries, courses, and resources.
• Provide Mark's email address, mark@JamSavageMinistries.org, for direct contact and inquiries.

Closing Prayer

• Share a heartfelt prayer for the podcast listeners, asking for hope, grace, and mercy in their journeys.
• Conclude with a message of hope, highlighting the possibility of breaking free from destructive relationship patterns.

Resources

Sign up for Leslie's free webinar Tuesday, February 13th. Just go to: www.leslievernick.com/OK www.MarkandJill.org 

I Really Messed Up and No More Perfect Marriages books can be found at www.MarkandJill.org/books

www.rebuildingtrust.us  

www.markandjill.org

mark@jamsavageministries.org 

Other Resources

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

In this podcast episode, Julie Sedenko talks to Traci, a member of Leslie Vernick's Conquer support group, about her experiences in a destructive marriage and her journey towards healing and self-discovery.

• Traci opens up about her traumatic childhood, raised by a single mother who struggled with addiction and neglect.

• She shares how her early life experiences, including abuse and gaslighting from her mother, influenced her perceptions of relationships.

• Traci talks about her first marriage, which ended amicably, and how she entered her second marriage with hope and optimism.

• She discusses the red flags she overlooked in her second marriage, such as her husband's emotional unavailability and inappropriate relationships with other women.

• Traci highlights the importance of seeking counseling and finding support when facing a destructive marriage.

• She reflects on her journey of self-discovery, growth, and faith in God, leading to her healing and peace.

Traci's story is a testament to resilience and the power of faith and self-worth in overcoming challenging circumstances.

Welcome to this episode where we tackle the tough topic of sexual addiction. Julie Sedenko chats with relationship expert Leslie Vernick, and they dig deep into the emotions and challenges involved. If you or someone you know is dealing with a similar situation, stay tuned for some valuable insights and practical tips.

Understanding Anger:

• Julie discusses the challenges faced by individuals dealing with a spouse's sexual addiction.
• Leslie emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing anger as a valid emotion in this situation.

Part 1: Dealing with Anger

• Leslie shares insights on how individuals can manage their anger constructively when facing a spouse's sexual addiction.
• The discussion covers the significance of not suppressing anger and finding healthy outlets for it.
• Suggestions include venting to a friend, counselor, or support group, as well as engaging in activities like writing, physical exercise, or even crying to release emotional tension.
• The importance of recognizing that anger is a signal that something is wrong and can provide the energy needed for positive change is emphasized.
• Retaliating against the spouse's actions is discouraged, and the focus is on constructive ways to handle anger.

Part 2: Seeking Help and Making Choices

• The conversation emphasizes the need for support and the importance of setting boundaries to protect one's well-being.
• Encouragement is given to the spouse with the addiction to seek help and support.
• Leslie addresses the question of whether it's possible for someone to truly overcome sexual addiction and explains the need for ongoing support and accountability.
• The importance of making choices and reframing one's perspective is discussed.
• A shift from asking, "Why is this happening to me?" to "Why is this happening for me?" is encouraged.
• The conclusion emphasizes that individuals are capable of handling difficult situations and emotions and encourages seeking support and resources to cope with anger while navigating this challenging journey.

Conclusion:

• Individuals can do hard things, and there are people willing to help them through it.

Resources:

Leslie's Quick Start Guide

She Deserves Better by Sheila Gregoire

 

1. Advice for Women in Conservative Churches

   • Find a trustworthy female within the church to confide in.
   • Seek someone who embodies godliness and can provide a receptive ear.
   • Avoid putting the burden of finding the perfect words or expression on victims.

2. The Role of Humility in Pastors

   • Pastors must have humility when dealing with abuse cases.
   • Be aware of the woman's perspective if she is to speak to the elders. Ways to help her feel safe.

3. Training and Awareness

   • The growth of awareness and training in seminaries and conservative circles.
   • Upcoming training opportunities and resources for pastors and church leaders.
   • Importance of knowing local resources specializing in domestic abuse.

4. Creating Safety Plans

   • Encouragement for pastors to receive proper training and create safety plans.
   • The impact of creating safety plans for victims and changing their perspective.
   • Encouragement for pastors to embrace the labor of love in opposing evil and upholding good.

Conclusion:

• Encouragement for pastors and church leaders to seek training and knowledge in addressing domestic abuse.
• The importance of creating a safe and supportive environment within conservative churches.

Additional Resources:

• "When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church," by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre
• Peaceworks Live 2024
• Quick Start Guide

 

• Discovering the Betrayal

  • Dee's life as a pastor's wife and the shock of discovering her husband's affair.
  • The initial emotions of hurt, anger, and confusion.
  • The difficulty of facing infidelity within the confines of the church community.

• Seeking Support and Clarity

  • Dee's decision to reach out to her pastor for guidance and support.
  • The disappointment of the pastor's response and the need to find alternative help.
  • Her discovery of the Conquer program and how it provided clarity in a confusing situation.

• Taking Control of Her Life

  • Dee's realization that she had the power to make choices for her future.
  • The importance of separating herself from an unhealthy relationship.
  • The role of Conquer and her faith in helping her regain control and self-worth.

• Forgiveness and Moving Forward

  • Dee's journey towards forgiveness and understanding its different layers.
  • The distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.
  • How staying close to God and finding a supportive church community helped her heal.

• Conclusion

  • Dee's message to those facing infidelity: Seek support, stay close to God, and remember your worth.
  • Her story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the possibility of finding healing after betrayal.

Resources:

Leslie Vernick's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start