Alright so you've got two guys. One of them is an evil clone controlled by your arch rival. You can't tell which is which. So how do you solve it? Do you A) Question the clones separately based on knowledge only the original would have access to? or B) Have a race and shoot at a rock? The answer may surprise you! This datatrack includes discussion of the following topics; Soundwave's Secret Sons, Megatron's unhealthy obsession with Spike, Starscream's clonelust, Powerglide (who has been here the whole time), mind control (but its ok because the good guys are doing it), Sunstreaker never forgetting big wet things, Gestalt jerkoff philosophy, and Forbidden Devastator Components.

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TORQ, generate picture of sexy female robot ninja, purple and black with yellow eyes, sleek silhouette, lots of knives, badass ninja skills, and huge [REDACTED]. This datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; Day of the Machines hitting too close to home, TORQ's battlebots rejects, Skyfire's continuing Busification, smart doorknobs, Doctor Fujiyama (the famous scientist), Nightbird's REAL function, gay coding, Jazz' ninja movie phase, and the question of Nightbird's sentience.

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Transformers Earthrise stumbles and falls face first into an utterly deranged conclusion. Here are a list of actual things that happen in the final two episodes of Earthrise; Sky Lynx becomes Optimus Prime's spiritual guide, a JPEG of Unicron slurps Galvatron through reality, Cog turns into Solid Snake, The Decepticons invade the Ark and get beaten in less than a minute, Optimus asks Megatron to forgive him, Elita One (probably) dies along with every other Autobot on Cybertron, the Quintessons do absolutely nothing, Earth shows up very briefly, and Dinobot is in the stinger of the episode.

Or for a more brief synopsis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!

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Oooooh, we've got a pair of spine chilling spook em ups for you this week; zombies, possession, and being trapped in limbo forever, just in time for...The Fourth of July? Doesn't seem quite right. Well, while we have you here we have some pamphlets about the dangers of Dark Energon to give you, and if you come to the seminar you get a free t-shirt. All you gotta do is...hey, where are ya going!?

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This week its all about people who wanna kill each other (but in a little bit of a fruity way). Cassidy (@whatiscosplay) joins us this week to talk about the debut of the evil sexy spider lady Airachnid, as she tries to murder Arcee (but also does the Spider-Man kiss pose so you know something else is goin on there.) Also this week, Bumblebee Psychonauts his way into Megatron's mind, Soundwave has very upsetting fingers, and Jack manages to be a nerd about camping. Isn't it kinda gay to have an arch rival? I mean, what's he arching, his back?

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Whoa, two new Decepticons! And they didn't die during their debut episode! AND they're gay??? What a treat! This week we're covering episodes 10 and 11. Miko learns a lot about Ancient Greece, a car flirts with a truck, Jack becomes involved in the world of illegal street racing, and we come to a horrible conclusion about Cybertronian bodily fluids.

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Amogus, dingus, and Wheeljack, oh my! This week friend of the pod Argyle joins us to talk about episodes 8 and 9 of Prime's first season. First, Bulkhead's old boyfrien-I mean war buddy pops by Earth for a visit, but Starscream sends a very sus imposter to take his place and get intel on Autobase. Then Fowler calls in with D.N.G.S trouble, and the Autobots find themselves in a mid series Fast and Furious film, complete with tech obsessed Terrorists. Oh also Arcee kills a bunch of humans in this one, but its ok because she's kind of a girlboss. Hey, you wanna go for some Lobbing after this, bro?

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I assure you Starscream and Megatron have a completely normal relationship. It is absolutely regular to straddle your boss' half dead form and whisper in his ear as you tear the only thing keeping him alive out of his chest. Also this week, Bumblebee commits one of the most heinous acts of violence on the show so far, Arcee and Optimus get a little bit cold, and Raf becomes a murderer. Remember. just because Soundwave is totally silent doesn't mean he isn't plotting your cancellation at all times.

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This week we're finishing 5 part premier of Transformers Prime, Darkness Rising. A lot happens in these two episodes, including Optimus tapping into his Bayverse incarnation's rampant bloodlust, Megatron using Starscream like a stress ball, the children nearly dying a whole lot, and Fowler being tortured so much he gets drunk. Anyway you don't care about that, you want to hear about the Prime DILF rankings and discussion about how Soundwave Likes To Watch. RIP Megatron, who certainly won't be coming back ever.

Also we forgot to mention it in the actual episode but we're gonna be off next week.

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We're back with an all new season, this time covering the first season of Transformers Prime! We bring you a podcast covering Darkness Rising parts 1-3 that is nearly twice as long as the episodes themselves because Prime is Just That Good. Join us as we talk about the dangers of using devil drugs, Starscream's bottom coding, and how a 12 year old can hack into the Pentagon. And Cliffjumper is there! The whole time! As a perfectly alive guy!

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Wow, its time to wrap up our first season already! Nero and Audrey look back at Transformers Armada, talking through its ups and downs while considering its strange little place in the larger Transformers franchise. Then, we go ahead and officially introduce the next season's subject; Transformers Prime season one! We go over this groundbreaking show's beginnings, its place in franchise lore, and talk about how it warped Audrey's mind irreparably. Stupid sexy Starscream...

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We've reached the end of our first season! It's time to finally deal with Unicron once and for all! (Please ignore the other two shows within this trilogy that also deal with Unicron, please). Optimus and Galvatron contend with the Chaos Bringer personally, and it gets very fleshy very fast. Of course, even after all that is through, there's still the matter of Prime and Galvatron's fated duel to be had. So join us on this ultra action packed, budget blowing, robo-homoerotic finale, and maybe you'll learn something about what does and doesn't count as a 'thrussy' along the way.

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Dearest listeners, we are gathered here once more to mourn a beloved(?) Decepticon's passing. He was a brilliant tactician [citation needed], an unmatched warrior [citation needed], and the remarkable shape of his head brought joy to many, including us. That's right, Thrust is gone...but not forgotten. Oh and some other important stuff too happened I guess. Anyway, y'all heard about this pants4pants relationship stuff? Shockwave and Jetfire are trying to make it work!

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Here are a list of things Transformers War For Cybertron Trilogy Earthrise Contains So Far: Terrible pacing, half baked rehashes of stuff from IDW, the worst Optimus Prime of all time, an utterly baffling usage of an iconic character which forms the core of the big toyline this show is meant to sell and made Mara extremely Mad, The Suck Off Machine, Quintessons But Not Really.

Here are a list of things Transformers War For Cybertron Trilogy Earthrise Does Not Contain So Far: EARTH

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We're back with another episode of your favorite podcast chronicling the classic Nick show MLAATR in reverse order! This week's show covers episodes 7 and 6 of the second season, including some real classics like "Killgore" and "Armagedroid"! And of course, all the jokes you've come to expect from MLAAPR. You know, your favorite show about robots who can turn into other things!

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Dear listeners, I have sad news. This is not a podcast episode. This is a funeral service for our favorite edgy anime bot. Good ol Starscream has been through a lot; gaslighting, swapping loyalties, being betrayed an uncountable number of times, getting sand everywhere when he went to Mars, but rest assured he is finally at peace. He fought the moon, and the moon won. He is survived by his dickhead of a commander, the earth girl he had some kind of weird thing going on with, and a tiny robot that turns into a race car. Now let us close our eyes and have a moment of prayer in his memory. And please, under no circumstances should you google "Gooey Gus."

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Betrayal! Time travel! Daring solo missions! GOOPY EGG SACS! This episode of Prime Cuts has it all! As we spiral ever closer to the end of Armada more of Unicron's ancient machinations are brought to light, alliances are forged, friendship is rekindled, and Thrust acts like a huge dipshit. Also, we add another ride to our Cybertronian Theme park, discuss Butterfly Effect type situations, and wonder if you can take your towel in the shower with you.

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This week the foul machinations of Unicron have us seeing double with the introduction of an evil Optimus clone that's basically a giant gorilla with magic powers and a huge sword. Bad news is that all our pals get absolutely curbstomped. Good news is they have fresh drip (THAT YOU CAN NOW BUY IN STORES)! Then we finally make it to Cybertron and things seem pretty dire, especially with the giant black hole attempting to consume the entire planet. Also, does anybody know where Optimus got those new guns from, because we sure don't.

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Excuse me, but do you have time to hear about our lord and savior Optimus Prime? Did you know that after three episodes he was risen? Well here, I have a podcast for you to listen to. This week we're covering episodes 41 and 42 of Transformers Armada. Things are picking up as we enter the final stage of this show. Unicron is FINALLY mentioned by name, the Autobots build the galaxy's most phallic spaceship, the Minicons perform a Christian Space Miracle, and Rad's father displays some of the most negligent parenting in anime history, which is honestly quite impressive. Now then, I have this copy of the Covenant of Primus to give you...

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Armada is hurtling towards its conclusion, so you know what that means; its time to kill Optimus Prime! There's nothing that dude loves more than a heroic sacrifice that leaves a generation of children traumatized. We've also got some primo Thrust and Megatron scenes, cool space stunts, extreme angst, and a final act mcguffin out of nowhere! Join us as we record one of the MANY deaths of Optimus Prime this week on Prime Cuts!

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Sorry folks, when there's a planet destroying spaceship in play the Star Wars references just sort of happen. This week Starscream reaches the "double-doublecross" stage of his Sasuke arc, Alexis learns what depression is, Thrust tells Starscream the tale of Darth Plagueis, and Megatron lovingly strokes the Requiem Blaster. We are officially in The Good Bit of Transformers Armada, so strap the fuck in.

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Starscream is in what the experts (us) call his 'Sasuke Phase' this week, as he angsts about his changing loyalties, clashing with the Autobot philosophy, and getting his entire ass pulled off by Tidal Wave. Also features exciting base invasions, Mars field trips with your snippy ex-boyfriend, Sideways putting all sorts of ideas in Thrust's cone-shaped head, and Tidal Wave being too thicc for the Tantrum Hole.

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We're in the back half of Transformers Armada now and we've finally reached what we like to call The Good Stuff(tm). This week they kill a bot on live TV, Sideways continues to be a creepypasta, Optimus gives Shockwave top surgery, Starscream finally becomes the tragic anime edgelord he was always meant to be, and we lose all of our subscribers by posting Megatron/Thrust on main. Speaking of Thrust, did you know he was the Eraserhead baby? Well don't worry, we'll tell you all about it.

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Strap in for a jam packed triple episode edition of Prime Cuts as we cover Armada's only true two parter. The kids spirit away the Space Minicon Team for some Home Alone type nonsense, then Hot Shot gets a blast from the past. Also, Alexis is set down her path to become the first Gamer Girl President, we talk at length about Wheeljack's incredibly stupid weapons, make far too many Metal Gear jokes, and discuss how quickly Starscream would be arrested for fraud if he was the manager of a Cinnabon.

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One of the hosts may have transed her gender between when we went on hiatus and now, but one fact remains the same; the War For Cybertron Trilogy is pure, uncut, premium grade suckage. Jetfire somehow seems to get worse with every word that comes out of his idiot mouth, Megatron is completely losing it, Optimus continues to be the worst leader of all time, and the show manages to completely waste Doubledealer AND the Quintessons in one fell swoop. Will Earth even be in this damn show to rise?? We don't know, but we DO know that we met the white Bumblebee, and soon you will too.

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We're all about answering BIG questions this week. What if a guy was huge? What if there were three small guys who could turn into a gun but they didn't want to be a gun? What if Thrust's head had to be censored for publication? Why did G1 Megatron keep Starscream around anyway? All these and many more BIG questions shall be answered, in a BIG way.

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In every relationship there are two kinds of people; the one who wears the pants, and the one who is the pants. Jetfire is apparently the latter. This week we learn all about our newest Autobot recruit, and how good he is at fighting in midair (and how bad the animators are at animating it). Then someone finally says "Hey, the guy named 'Doubleface' is probably some kind of weird traitor, right?" The events that ensue can only be described as 'some creepypasta shit'.

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Folks, the show was good and fun this week! The kids get sucked into a vaporwave album cover by Sideways and see all sorts of insane shit, and then the worlds most fucked up looking guy arrives to take tactical command of the Decepticons. Oh and also his name is THRUST. So come join us as we roast the shit out of this weird posh squidhead this week on PRIME CUTS.

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Have you ever wondered what Eddy from Ed Edd n Eddy would sound like giving an impassioned cry for peace and understanding in the middle of a war zone? Well, now you know! This week Megatron displays a startling amount of competency, and immediately throws it all away by trying to beat Starscream to death and getting absolutely bamboozled by his resident super trustworthy guy Sideways. And I'm sure this will have absolutely no damaging psychological effects on Starscream AT ALL! No siree.

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This is an episode full of HARD GUYS doing HARD STUFF. We get a new cast member, who is obviously COOL and SUPER HARD. We got a new Mini-Con weapon which is a REALLY HARD shield. We got an old man over here who goes HARD AS HELL while the animation completely falls apart around him (hey don't you know that animating flight is HARD?!) Oh, and Sparkplug speaks english, which is mostly just kinda creepy and weird. This week on Prime Cuts, ALL THESE GUYS ARE HARD.

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Wow, a kid named Shaun being in grave danger around a bunch of construction equipment while his dad repeatedly yells his name? Somebody add "plagiarizing transformers anime" to David Cage's long long list of crimes. Also we get to know our new grumpy grandpa Scavenger, Carlos reveals the true depths of his stupidity, and Megatron beats the shit out of his troops for literally no raisin. Everybody grab your controllers and Press X to Shaun, but watch out for Hot Shot's secret sleeper spank technique!

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It's a revolving door of allegiances this week as Sideways "shockingly" reveals himself to be a turncoat, Scavenger shockingly reveals himself to be a double agent, and Megatron gaslights the fuck out of his own troops for fun. Also have you ever wondered what Pokemon the cast of Armada would be, or if the Decepticons were at all involved in 9/11? Good news, we have answers for you! Keep up, Turbonerds.

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It's a wild one this week as Armada shifts into full macguffin finding gear. We get two new additions to the cast, an anime sword duel, a CONSPICUOUS MOTORCYCLE_,_ and further proof that people in New York do not give a SHIT about giant robots standing around. Also, have you been wondering 'Gee, how do these robots fuck'? Well good news! Audrey will tell you all about it. Come for the badass bulldozer boys, stay to figure out what the fuck 'getting spiked' means, it's Prime Cuts!

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This week on Prime Cuts: Armada finally figures out what a plot is and decides to have one, Rad receives a huge loredump from Optimus, we question the stealth capabilities of 40 foot tall tank robots, Red Alert proves to be a grade A sicko, and everybody is after a Very Cool Sword. Also Starscream has a very bad day. Again.

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This week the show finally develops a plot beyond "find some guys" as we get some lore on these Mini-Con weapons from a long dead Atlantean Princess, whom the boys have a huge crush on of course. We also hear Alexis' thoughts on infrastructure planning, get menaced by a New York sewer crane, and tack another near death experience onto these poor kids. Optimus you GOTTA hire a babysitter or something, man.

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THIS SHOW SUCKS!!! What is there to say other than that? Well. I guess we can apologize for the title. Sorry.

See you all in a month!!

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Grab your Touch Tone Telephones listeners, because we're diving into some ancient aliens this this week on Transformers Armada. Also, Optimus, my man, my guy, we GOTTA talk about you bringing a bunch of 12 year olds onto the battlefield. It's just not viable dude. You KNOW Megatron has the Child Torture Orb in his back pocket. On this week's episode learn all about Egyptian spider droids, the diplomatic capabilities of potato chips, and a lizard that shoots blood out of its face!

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Transformers Armada is a land of contrasts. Sometimes you get an episode where a character's ambitions and goals are fulfilled in a satisfying way and our heroes fight to uphold the safety of nature. Other times you get a fucking clownshow about carnival hi jinks. This week hear all about Starscream having a good time for once, Rad's surprising turn as an environmentalist, Hot Shot itching to shoot a gun at Billy and Fred, and the creation of a brand new carnival-ride based combiner team straight from the minds of your hosts.

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With the setup out of the way Armada can finally focus on what REALLY matters; finding little guys. As they go through episodes 4 and 5 of Transformers Armada Nero and Audrey ask the tough questions, such as: Is it wise to bring three middle schoolers into a robot war zone? What part does a Fusion Cannon play in Cybertronian lovemaking? Is Optimus a Dad or an Uncle? Why is Starscream Like That? The thrilling answers to all these questions and more are contained within. Listen at your own peril!

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Don't you hate it when you're just hangin' with your boys and you accidentally reignite a long dormant civil war between factions of space faring transforming robots? Really bums me out bro. This week we're covering Transformers Armada episodes 1-3, and trying to talk about the episodes we watched between tangents about other Transformers media. Beware the consequences of White Boy Wednesday, and don't worry too much about the concept of a custom built labor class of robots. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's FINE.

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In the inaugural episode of their trip across the decades of toyetic Transformers television, Nero and Audrey talk about their histories with the franchise. That mostly means going on tangents about the IDW comics and Transformers Prime, and talking about who their favorite franchise character is (Spoilers, its Starscream). Tune in next week for the true beginning of our Transformers Armada adventure!

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Well...I guess these episodes were objectively better than the first two in terms of being a TV show, but they made us WAY madder. Even the surprise appearance of Ratchet and Impactor old man yaoi couldn't stop us from gnashing our teeth over this show's muddy plotting, flat and boring characterization, Jetfire's absolutely atrocious face turn, and Optimus Prime's...well, everything really. This guy SUCKS!!!!!

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You know what? It's 2025. Time we grew the fuck up! It's time to toss away our childish things, such as good lighting and fun character writing, and watch a show about REAL giant robot war. Thankfully Netflix has just the thing. This ain't your grandpappy's Transformers, kiddos! This is a big important WAR STORY that has discussion of TREATIES and WAR CRIMES in it! Will we tell you what the treaty entails, or what the war crimes are? NO!! Everyone sounds cool and badass and has absolutely no personality beyond "grizzled", just like REAL WAR! Optimus Prime is a gigantic fucking idiot...just like REAL WAR!!! So sit down, shut up, and get ready to LEARN!!

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We've finally made it out of the nightmare that was Transformers Energon. Due to various unplanned (and planned) breaks, this season felt like it went on for years. Was it worth it, in the end? Did we learn anything valuable about ourselves, or the franchise we love? Not really. I guess we learned that Kicker is actually an alright character. So join your hosts as they look back on half a year of absolute slop, and look forward to beginning 2025 with a different sort of slop. Don't cry because it's over, smile because THE JERKERRRRRR happened, okay?

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IT'S OVER!!! IT'S AAAAALLL OVER! Sometimes it felt like this show would never end, but thankfully all things reach an end. Surprisingly, the last two episodes are better than the show has been in like 20 episodes, which isn't saying much but at least it isn't soul crushing. That doesn't mean we aren't subjected to the usual Energon slop; people becoming huge, deeply confusing monologues, fights with no stakes, and Unicron Orbs. So join us for the last time as we sit down to get fed our weekly helping of gruel.

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Folks, the world is always getting worse in new and terrifying ways. It seems every day wee open our eyes to some new kind of fresh hell. But there is one comforting, reliable constant that we can trust to ground us in these trying times; this show blows fucking chunks. As Energon slowly drags itself towards the finish line by making everyone Huge and Ugly, killing off characters at random, developing bizarre new running gags 4 episodes before the end, and just generally being a complete and total waste of time. The good news is that it's almost over. The bad news is theres still two more episodes to watch.

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With only eight episodes to go, Transformers Energon manages to slide three of the most annoying characters in franchise history right under the radar. Thankfully they die VERY quickly, but that didn't make their presence any less irritating. Transformers Energon isn't so much racing to a conclusion as it is meandering towards a stoppage. This week we ride the Omega Train, observe sitcom shenanigans from the Decepticons, wonder why these stupid combiners are even here when none of them have done anything, and marvel at Galvatron's quipping skills. Only two weeks left, but somehow the worst is yet to come!

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It's ramping up. You may have thought that all of our talk about G1 season 2 being completely cracked was exaggerated. Well now Atlantis has been introduced and destroyed in the same episode. It's also not Atlantis. Worry not, because things only escalate from here. This datatrack contains discussion of the following; AKOM studios dubious reputation, Cybertronian furniture kink, The Device, Spike's invulnerability, national monuments, not-Atlantis, Brawn killing Huffer, and does it still count as found family if you steal them?

Also, please fill out our Patreon survey! Thanks!

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After two glorious weeks away, your hosts are back to subject themselves to the inane nonsense of Transformers Energon, and this week it REALLY starts getting to them. Character arcs are being flattened in record time, episodes feel like a meandering fever dream, and something deeply concerning is going on with the Jones family. Even the utterly bizarre tournament episode jammed into the series can't drag the mood out of the gutter. The good news is there are only eight episodes of Energon remaining. The bad news is that there are somehow EIGHT EPISODES of Energon remaining. Help.

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Unicron explodes and there are still 14 episodes after that. Transformers Energon truly is the show that never ends, and this week it proves that it still has some terrible, nasty surprises for us. Ugly recolors, FOUR NEW CHARACTERS introduced with only a dozen episodes to go, Optimus Prime taking L after L, strange and garbled dialogue in both versions, Decepticon fart gas, and a Temu version of the final battle from Gurren Lagaan. Anyway, here's like a minute and a half of Optimus groaning and screaming, enjoy!

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