Explore every episode of the podcast ON BOYS Podcast

Dive into the complete episode list for ON BOYS Podcast. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.

	Title	Pub. Date	Duration
	Rebels with a Cause: Dr. Niobe Way on Building a Relational World	16 janv. 2025	00:54:41
What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages undermine boys’ natural relational intelligence and hinder their ability to build and sustain deep friendships. In this episode, Dr. Way dives into the critical role of relationships in mental health and human flourishing—not just for boys, but for all of us. She explains how cultural norms, rather than biology, shape male behavior and outlines practical steps parents and educators can take to nurture boys’ emotional and relational capacities. Dr. Way also shares powerful insights from her research, including the wisdom of a 7th-grade boy who noted, “When we make things biology, we think we can’t change it.” This episode is a call to rethink how we support boys—and ourselves—in building the connections we all need to thrive. Takeaways: The stereotype of the self-sufficient man is damaging not only to boys but to society as a whole. Boys are born with the same relational intelligence as girls, but cultural conditioning suppresses it over time. To support boys, we need to normalize conversations about relationships and model emotional vulnerability. Fostering deep connections can improve mental health and combat harmful cultural narratives about masculinity. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: www.niobe-way.com Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, by Dr. Niobe Way Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships & The Crisis of Connection, by Dr. Niobe Way Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by (U.S. Surgeon General) Vivek Murthy Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – and What We Can Do About It, by Dr. Lise Eliot When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu The Listening Project Dr. Friendtastic on Boys & Friendship — ON BOYS episode Why Now is the Best Time to Raise Boys (w Michael Reichert) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Unlocking the Power of Play	09 janv. 2025	00:49:55
Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! — is not a frivolity. It’s not trivial or unimportant at all. In fact, it’s absolutely vital for health human development. “Play is essential for long-term success,” Georgie says. Yet no one really teaches parents how to engage in & support their children’s play. In this episode, we share some fun, easy strategies you can use to play with your kids. Takeaways: Short moments of play can have significant developmental benefits. Involving children in household tasks can be a form of play. Play helps build emotional connections and communication skills. Using play can make daily routines more enjoyable for families. Children learn empathy and social skills through play. Repetition in play is crucial for neural development. Children often express emotions through playful scenarios. Pretend play allows children to process aggression safely. Joining children in play can ease transitions from screens. Nature provides a nurturing environment for play. Incorporating play into daily life strengthens family bonds. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm, Confident Kids, by Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent The Center for Connection PlayStrong Institute Teacher Tom on Connections & Play-Based Learning – ON BOYS episode Gun Play & Boys – ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Male Puberty Starts Sooner Than You Think	02 janv. 2025	00:41:38
Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door. Why Parents Miss the First Signs Many parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they usually appear just as boys begin seeking more privacy. According to Vanessa, it’s entirely possible you won’t notice the initial stages of puberty until your son’s behavior shifts dramatically. When Your 10-Year-Old Acts More Like a Teen Puberty hormones—mainly testosterone—don’t just change bodies; they shape moods, too. Sudden spikes are associated with outbursts and that well-known “swing to silence” so many adolescent boys display. Pediatrician Cara Natterson explains these hormone surges can escalate and crash within hours, and that emotional roller coaster is often what you see when your son acts like “a jerk.” They Dislike the Swings, Too Kids don’t enjoy these wild ups and downs any more than you do. Their brains are awash in hormones they don’t yet know how to handle, causing confusion and moodiness. In addition, boys’ emotional regulation skills aren’t fully developed, which is why parents, teachers, and other adults need to show empathy while holding them accountable. Offer Room to Recover “We have to give boys the benefit of the doubt,” Vanessa advises, emphasizing that many feel ashamed after a blow-up. By giving them space to cool off, then reconnecting later, you let them know there’s a path to re-enter the conversation without judgment. Weathering the Adolescent Storm It’s normal to feel grief, fear, and frustration as your son navigates puberty. Boys often distance themselves from parents during this time, which can feel like rejection. Don’t forget they usually “come back” after they’ve crossed the threshold into more mature adolescence. A Messy Yet Meaningful Journey Yes, your son might seem smelly, messy, or downright disrespectful right now—none of which means he’ll stay that way, or that you’ve parented poorly. As Vanessa says, guiding boys toward kindness, empathy, and thoughtfulness is a winding road filled with bumps. Respond, Don’t React When tempers flare, remain calm. Give your son the space he needs, and circle back once he’s cooled down. Teach him about emotions in those quieter moments and seek additional help if needed. By walking alongside him, you’ll both be better prepared to handle the challenges—and rewards—of growing up. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, by Cara Natterson, MD & Vanessa Kroll Bennett lessawkward.com — Cara & Vanessa’s website (includes links to their books, newsletter, podcast, & talks) The Puberty Podcast — Cara & Vanessa’s podcast (Don’t miss Jen on their podcast — Building Boys with Jennifer Fink) Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson –– ON BOYS episode The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys — the famous BuildingBoys post about 14-yr-old boys being a*holes Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys,* by Cara Natterson Guy Stuff Feelings: Everything You Need to Know About Your Emotions, by Cara Natterson Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Check out IXL and use code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Best of 2024	26 déc. 2024	00:40:18
Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels Your favorites include: 5. Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed Tyler for her series on boys and education. Now a high school student, Tyler suggests that “instead of making guys change the way they behave, maybe schools should change the way they’re structured.” 4. Middle School: Misunderstood or Magic? “This is a very pervasive story, that middle school is terrible. But it doesn’t have to be. We make it terrible by working directly against the developmental needs of middle schoolers and designing these buildings and classes in way that make their lives really hard,” says veteran educator Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years. 3. Modern Male Puberty is Awkward Your son may well be annoying, thoughtless, disrespectful, disorganized, smelly, and messy during puberty. None of that means he’ll end up that way as an adult. And none of it means that you’re doing (or have done) something wrong.“The path to building kind, empathic, loving, thoughtful men is a very windy, bumpy road,” Vanessa says. “And at every step of the way, it can be really tempting to lose faith.” 2. How to Raise a Healthy Gamer “Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. Then, as parents start to institute limits, children will try to undermine them. Even if you ‘win’ in this scenario, you lose.”It’s more helpful, he says, to establish a collaborative relationship. 1. Set Boys Up for School Success “It’s really essential that we, as parents & educators of boys, are preparing them to navigate the struggles within school,” says Dr. Todd (Jason) Feltman, author of Transforming into a Powerful Third, Fourth, or 5th Grade Navigator of School Success. “It’s not just the academic struggles but also the socialization, the physical and emotional struggles.” A few of our other 2024 favorites: Color Blindness in Boys Circumcision: Facts & Myths FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys Navigating Youth Mental Health in the Digital Age Emily Edlynn on A Healthier Approach to Tech Dr. Niobe Way on Reimaging Boys Uplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	2024 Listener Fav	19 déc. 2024	00:52:54
Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today! So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024. Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it! Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K) www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s website Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode Video Game Addiction — ON BOYS episode Emily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episode The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog post Why Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog post Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great Boy-affirming merch! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Listen to Boys & Young Men	12 déc. 2024	00:53:44
How often do we really listen to boys & young men? Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to speak.” We encourage you to listen as he describes his experiences in school (including being started on ADHD medication in 3rd grade) and in the world. Takeaways: Boys’ perspectives on masculinity are often overlooked. There is a stigma associated with boys expressing their feelings. Open dialogue about gender dynamics is essential. Boys need to be included in conversations about their experiences. Understanding the role of community in boys’ development is important. Boys often feel shame in expressing their struggles. The future of gender discussions requires sensitivity and awareness. The emotional journey of becoming a man is complex and often fraught with societal expectations. Shame and responsibility are significant themes in discussions about masculinity. Perceptions of men as threats can lead to feelings of fear and vulnerability. Boys are often seen as needing to fit into a rigid educational model that may not suit them. Cultural perspectives on masculinity can shape how boys view themselves and their roles in society. Dialogue and understanding are crucial in addressing the challenges faced by boys and young men. The importance of recognizing boys as human beings with their own experiences and emotions. Educational systems may need to adapt to better engage boys in learning. There is a need for more voices from young men in discussions about masculinity and societal expectations. The conversation around masculinity must include diverse perspectives to foster understanding and growth. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Lance’s Substack ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode Talking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episode Sports & Masculinity — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great Boy-affirming merch! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Male Suicide & Mental Health: A Father’s Story of Love & Loss	05 déc. 2024	00:51:43
We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the *988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline* for help in the United States. *Call 988* or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol. More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known. Although there’s been a lot of discussion of the youth mental health crisis and suicidal ideation in recent years, few people are talking about the fact that most of those who die of suicide are boys and young men. Anthony Tricarico was one of them. He was a “beautiful shooting star,” a young entrepreneur who loved snowboarding and bought a Camaro at age 16. Anthony died by suicide earlier this year, at age 16 1/2. From the outside looking in, Anthony had it all: a loving family, lots of friends, great grades, talent, and personality. His death was a shock to the community, as people realized, “If this could happen to Anthony, it could happen to any of us,” said his father, Neal Tricarico. Takeaways: Autistic people/those on the autism spectrum are at increased risk of suicide COVID-19 has had a profound impact on youth mental health. There is often a disconnect between autism support and mental health services. Support systems for families in crisis are often lacking. Seasonal changes can significantly affect mental health. Parental control is limited; love does not guarantee safety. Community support can provide immense comfort during grief. The importance of love and connection transcends loss. Achievements do not equate to fulfillment in children. Open conversations about mental health are essential. Creating a movement can honor lost loved ones and raise awareness. Grief can lead to profound spiritual growth and connection. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: AnneMoss Rogers on Suicide Prevention & Struggling Teens — ON BOYS episode Loving Someone With Suicidal Thoughts — ON BOYS episode What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide — ON BOYS episode NAMI — National Alliance on Mental Illness (has support groups for parents!) Suicide & Autism — a report from the UK Neal's contact info: Email: neal@endurantmovement.com Instagram: @nealtricarico Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/neal.tricarico/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nealtricarico/ Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great Boy-affirming merch! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Exploring the Gender Gap	28 nov. 2024	00:49:48
If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males. Societal and political gender gaps are widening in other countries as well. Mark Sutton, director of The Boys Initiative & author of How Democrats Can Win Back Men, joins us to explore the factors underlying the gender gap and ways we can help boys and men thrive alongside girls and women. Takeaways: The gender gap in voting reflects deeper cultural divides. Men's issues are often overlooked in political discourse. Human well-being should be a shared goal across genders. Health disparities show men dying younger than women. Political parties need to address the needs of all voters. Support for women's health should not exclude men's health. There is a growing discontent with both major political parties. Unity among moderate voters can lead to positive change. The future of gender representation is evolving positively. Support for women in leadership is crucial. Local involvement in politics can make a difference. Cultural backlash can lead to divisive movements. Understanding different perspectives is essential. The male vote plays a significant role in elections. Engaging in conversations about gender is necessary. Listening to others can foster better understanding. Systemic issues affect boys and young men. Advocacy for children's needs is a nonpartisan issue. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Men & the 2024 Election -- Mark's Substack How Democrats Can Win Back Men: Why Understanding Male Voters & Their Issues is Vital for Democratic Victory -- Mark's book The Boys Initiative Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: Boys Are Great Boy-affirming merch! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Navigating Youth Mental Health in the Digital Age	21 nov. 2024	00:43:51
How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age. In this episode, Janet & Katey discuss: How to keep kids safe (safer?) when using school-issued computers & other digital devices Targeting of kids on social media and online gaming platforms Kids’ online relationships Tech tools to help you monitor your kids’ online activities School shootings (and how we can prevent them) Talking to kids about suicidal thoughts Increasing the likelihood that your child will talk to you about tough things Supporting youth mental health Takeaways: We are facing significant challenges affecting our youth’s mental health. Legislative changes can lead to improved suicide prevention resources. Parents must understand the limitations of school-issued devices at home. Social media can exacerbate feelings of exclusion and anxiety in youth. Community support is crucial in preventing school violence. Suicidal ideation often precedes violent actions in youth. Open communication about mental health is essential for parents. AI is becoming a critical tool in monitoring student safety. It’s never too late to implement changes in parenting strategies. Youth need coping strategies to deal with emotional pain. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Hope Institute What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings — BuildingBoys post Katey's website is currently under construction. If you'd like to reach her, you can email her at Katey.mcpherson@bark.us Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Raising Boys Beyond the Man Box	14 nov. 2024	00:41:27
Do you know what the “man box” is? Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society. In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his perspective on how we can empower boys to live authentically, develop respectful relationships, and move beyond the limitations of the “Man Box,” which often keep boys from becoming their true selves. Ted Bunch Together, they discuss ways parents and caregivers can help boys embrace their emotions, communicate openly, and understand the importance of consent. Ted also addresses tough topics, including the impact of pornography, the cultural confusion surrounding sexual consent, and how societal expectations can distort boys’ perceptions of masculinity. Through honest, practical conversations, this episode gives listeners the tools to support boys as they navigate these challenges and to foster connections that build character, respect, and self-awareness. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ted discuss: How to help boys find and express their authentic selves The pervasive “Man Box” and how to break free of it Why boys struggle to define consent—and how to help Pornography’s impact on boys’ relationships Conversations dads and caregivers need to have with boys Encouraging boys to recognize the effects of their actions on others Understanding and addressing the impact of sexual abuse on boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: A Call to Men — includes helpful information & data, as well as links to their programs Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the Man Box What I’ve Learned Since My Son Came Out — article by Ted, mentioned at 38:37 The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode Empowering Boys to Challenge Rape Culture — ON BOYS episode Gender Norms Limit Boys (& Girls!) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Amy Lang Discusses Puberty, Perimenopause, & Neurodivergence	07 nov. 2024	00:49:07
*Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and* bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids. Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck** – Get tickets here Tue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST Birds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s website Resources recommended by Amy: You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other Things Sex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It Amaze.org/us BARK (inside US) Qustodio (monitoring outside US) Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids – ON BOYS episode w Amy Lang Keeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode Talk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Janet & Jen on Life & Raising Boys	31 oct. 2024	00:40:34
Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways: Nobody has it all figured out. Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial. Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process. Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential. You are a different parent than you were a year ago. Boy development is trustworthy and unique to each child. Watch your boys, not the clock; focus on their growth. Look at your kid, not the milestones set by society. Parenting is the greatest personal development course. Let go and let us be your safety net. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Dealing with Change, Anxiety, & Energy (Listener Q & A) — ON BOYS episode Trust — BuildingBoys blog post Trust Your Boys — BuildingBoys blog post Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/?attachment_id=6215Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Andrew Reiner: What Boys Need	24 oct. 2024	00:45:10
Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/?attachment_id=6204 Takeaways: Boys need support, not disdain. Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful. Media often portrays boys negatively. Boys are falling behind in education. It’s important to understand boys’ emotional needs. Parents and educators play a crucial role. Challenging traditional masculinity is necessary. Creating safe spaces for boys is essential. Engaging boys in education requires new approaches. Researching boys’ experiences is vital for change. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s website Andrew Reiner: Building Boys’ Mental Health & Resiliency — ON BOYS episode Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew Reiner The Trouble with Boys Isn’t Boys — article by Andrew Young, Male, & Adrift — article by Andrew Boys are Great shop — boy-affirming merch! Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	What Parents (& Boys) Need to Know About AI	17 oct. 2024	00:45:05
AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI. The public release of ChatGPT, a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use it for school work — to dismay of some teachers. As AI becomes more integrated into the tools and technologies we use every day, understanding how it works—and how to use it responsibly—is becoming essential for both adults and children. (AI, in fact, helped me rewrite that last sentence. Initially, it said, “Understanding AI & how to use it ethically is quickly becoming a necessary skill.) In this episode, we talk with Angela Radcliffe, a mom of two, clinical research expert, and AI enthusiast who created Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book to help kids (and their parents) understand ethical uses of AI. Takeaways: AI is rapidly evolving and impacting how children learn. Writing with AI can enhance creativity but requires careful guidance. Ethics in AI usage is crucial for responsible parenting. AI should be treated as a peer to foster collaboration. Teaching kindness and responsibility is essential in the age of AI. New ways of thinking may emerge from AI’s influence on education. Parents should actively engage with AI to understand its capabilities. Practical, fun uses of AI can help demystify the technology for families. Transparency and trust are vital in navigating AI’s impact. AI can be a valuable tool for enhancing everyday tasks and creativity. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book, created by Angela Radcliffe What Teachers Told Me About AI in School Teens Using AI to Create Deepfakes of Classmates Prompts New Bill Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Uplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students	10 oct. 2024	00:40:05
Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools. That’s why David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing the needs of our most vulnerable populations helps ALL. “It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. “it’s important for us to reframe that focus so we can understand what we can do better.” Takeaways: Black boys are the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools, facing persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline. The education system is failing Black boys, and the framing of the issue needs to shift from blaming Black males to recognizing that the system fails them. A comprehensive approach is needed, including funding, culturally responsive education, policy changes, and a shift in mindset and practices. Addressing the needs of Black boys will benefit all students and lead to better outcomes in the education system. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: www.forward-ed.com/ Reclaiming Possibliity: An Intentional Focus on Black Boys This School Year — article by David Can We Talk? A Critical Examination of Cellphone Bans in Schools — article by David Black Boys Matter — ON BOYS episode Supporting Black Boys Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings) — ON BOYS episode Boys in School Task Force — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow with Holly Swenson	03 oct. 2024	00:45:27
Stop, drop, grow, and glow? That’s Holly Swenson’s advice to parents. Swenson, a RN-turned-writer and mom of 4 boys (currently ages 10, 13, 15, & 15) was approximately seven years into parenting when she realized that “when you are taking care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of everyone in her life.” She & Jen talk about her book, Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children. Takeaways: Self-awareness and self-care are essential for effective parenting. Balancing the needs and interests of multiple children requires intentionality and mindfulness. Reacting to situations can be counterproductive, while responding thoughtfully fosters deeper connections. Parenting is a journey of personal growth and self-improvement. The Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow method encourages reflection, letting go of past experiences, cultivating growth and self-awareness, and embracing joy and gratitude. Self-care is essential for parents to show up as their best selves for their children. Children can be a catalyst for personal growth and healing for parents. Finding time for self-care may require creativity and microdosing self-care throughout the day. Water, such as taking a shower or bath, can be grounding and energizing for parents. Maintaining a sense of humor and lightness can help navigate the challenges of parenting. Prioritizing self-care and personal growth is an ongoing process that requires intention and discipline. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children, by Holly Swenson liveyourglow.live — Holly’s website Mom is in Control with Heather Chauvin — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Helping Boys Thrive at Any Size	26 sept. 2024	00:47:19
Kids can thrive at any size, says Jill Castle, a pediatric dietician, parent, and author of Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness. Takeaways: Feeding kids in a healthy way can be challenging, but it’s important to raise children of all sizes to be physically healthy and emotionally well. Family culture plays a significant role in shaping children’s attitudes towards food and body size. Body neutrality focuses on the functionality of the body rather than its appearance, promoting acceptance and self-love. Growth charts are a tool for tracking a child’s growth over time, but they should not be used to define a child’s health or worthiness. Parents can advocate for their children by addressing biases and stigma related to body size, both within the extended family and in healthcare settings. Creating a positive meal environment and supporting children’s individual appetites can help build healthy eating habits. Parents should prioritize sleep, as it plays a crucial role in children’s growth and appetite regulation. Health should be measured by factors beyond weight, such as blood pressure, respiratory rate, and cardiovascular fitness. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: jillcastle.com — Jill’s website Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness — Jill’s latest book The Nourished Child — Jill’s podcast Picky Eaters, Family Meals, & Nutrition — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Overcoming Fears and Worries to Say YES	19 sept. 2024	00:49:28
How can parents overcome their fears and worries so they can say YES to their boys’ interests and passions? That’s the question we discuss with Heather Sponholz, a “boy mom” who’s said yes to her teenage sons’ solo National Parks trips, MMA fighting, and ambitious Christmas lights project. Takeaways: Navigating the balance between freedom and safety for teenagers can be challenging for parents. Allowing teenagers to take solo trips can help them develop independence and learn important life skills. Trusting in your child’s ability to navigate challenges and make responsible decisions is essential. Supporting teenagers in pursuing their passions and interests can have a positive impact on their personal growth. Supporting and nurturing boys’ passions and interests is important for their personal growth and development. Parents should overcome their fears and worries and allow their children to pursue activities that they are passionate about. Community support and mentorship can play a crucial role in helping boys pursue their interests. Parents should prioritize their children’s passions and provide them with the necessary resources and opportunities to explore and excel in their chosen fields. Allowing boys to face challenges and learn from their experiences helps them develop problem-solving skills and resilience. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Encouraging Independence — ON BOYS episode Autonomy-Supportive Parenting — ON BOYS episode Step In or Step Back? — ON BOYS episode Age 16 & Learning to Let Go — BuildingBoys post Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	“Be A Man” Project Helps Us Understand Teen Boys	12 sept. 2024	00:42:35
SheKnows’ “Be a Man” project is an “exploration of what it means to be a man today,” says Erika Janes, a “boy mom” and SheKnows editor-in-chief. Importantly, the project includes teen boys and gives them an opportunity to share their thoughts about manhood and masculinity. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the boys’ responses reflect our still-evolving understanding of gender. Crying, for instance, is still seen as a term with strongly feminine connotations, “but almost every boy we talked to said that they did cry,” Janes says. “They still feel like there’s a stigma to boys and men crying, but for the most part, almost of all of them said, ‘I cry at times.'” Boys, she says, “still get so many messages about traditional masculinity — ‘don’t cry, be strong, be a man.’ But they need to be allowed to express healthy emotion, to express vulnerability, to be able to cry and express sadness. We need to understand and accept that teen boys have all the same emotions as teen girls and that it’s healthier if they have outlets to express them.” Takeaways: The Be A Man project on She Knows provides a comprehensive look into the lives of teen boys, covering topics such as masculinity, mental health, and social media. It is important to include and listen to teen boys in conversations about their experiences and perspectives. Parents of boys may face challenges in understanding and raising boys, but it is important to provide support and guidance. The project aims to provide advice and resources for parents navigating these topics with their teen boys. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: We Asked 4 Teen Boys to Test New Fall Fragrances – Here’s What They Said – SheKnows article The Response to Tim Walz’s Son’s Proud Tears at the DNC is a Telling Look at Masculinity & Emotion — SheKnows article How Teen Boys View Male Celebrities & Masculinity, from Ryan Reynolds to Timothee Chalamet — SheKNow article Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS episode featuring Richard V. Reeves BoyMom Ruth Whippman on Reimaging Boyhood — ON BOYS episode Dr. Niobe Way on Reimagining Boys — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	What’s the Goal of Youth Sports?	05 sept. 2024	00:54:46
What is the goal of youth sports? It seems like an obvious question with an obvious answer. Isn’t the goal to provide kids with an opportunity to play sports? And to develop skills, teamwork, and camaraderie along the way? Historically, those were indeed the goals of youth sport. Many parents & kids still pursue those goals. But some parents & players have other goals: A scholarship. College admission. The youth sports industry also has a goal: To make money. Pay-to-Play Many of today’s youth sports team use a pay-to-play model: parents pay (often exorbitant amounts) for their kids to play. Some youth sports organizations frame this cost as an “investment” and mention ROI — return on investment — on their websites. The required investment isn’t only financial; parents & families now invest a lot of time into sports practices, games, & tournaments. “What used to be very much a youth-driven activity has changed into more of an adult-driven model,” says Jean Linscott, co-author of What is the Goal?: The Truth About the Youth Sports Industry. And because the adults have invested so much, they have an incentive to keep kids playing. This, Jean says, “is an enormous difference from playing for fun and playing for the love of the game.” The first thing young parents should understand, if they’re considering signing a child up for a pay-to-play team, is that “this is a lifestyle choice,” says Kenneth Ruoff, Jean’s husband & co-author. “They should be putting aside 40 weekends a year for the next 10 years if you stick with pay-to-play sports through the high school years.” Sadly, there’s no strong evidence to suggest that this investment of time & money is beneficial to most families or athletes. “We talked to a lot of the top coaches in Oregon and they basically burst out laughing when we asked them if travel tournaments had any role in player development,” Ken says. “They said, ‘No, it’s ridiculous; they have no role, especially at the younger ages.’ So all that money that is being spent on travel tournaments is playing no role in developing the kids as athletes.” The Unacknowledged Costs of Youth Sports Because of the tremendous costs associated with many youth sports teams, many kids do not have an opportunity to play or participate. And many children who do play experience physical and mental injuries, in part because they begin playing so young and often play year-’round. “The impact of this model means that there are big problems with overuse injuries and burnout,” Jean says.”Early specialization in sports is disastrous for the bodies and minds of children,” Ken adds. Unfortunately, in many places, there aren’t viable alternatives to the current pay-to-play youth sports model. Rec teams have faded or disappeared due to lack of funding and coaches. School teams may or may not be an option – but in many places, if a young athlete doesn’t also play on a travel team, they have little chance of earning a spot on a school team. Questions to Ask Before Signing for a Travel Team Before signing your child up for a pay-to-play, elite, or travel team, Jean says you should ask these “important, tough” questions: Do you track injury rates? What types of injuries are most common? Do you conduct exit interviews when families leave the club? What are the primary reasons athletes & families leave? What is your youth athlete development model? Be forewarned, however. Asking these questions does not guarantee that you’re doing to get a straight answer. It’s also a good idea to talk to a number of families who have been involved with the club or team, including those who no longer participate. Takeaways: The likelihood of receiving a college scholarship through youth sports is extremely low, and parents should consider alternative ways to fund their child’s education. Extricating oneself from the youth sports system can be challenging, but it is important to prioritize the well-being and interests of the child. Questioning the youth sports industry and advocating for affordable and inclusive options is crucial for the overall development of children. The emphasis on elite athletes and the pressure to participate in pay-to-play clubs can exclude many children and create unrealistic expectations. Sportswear companies play a role in the youth sports industry, but their focus on profit and exclusivity can hinder accessibility and development. Preferential admission for athletes in higher education perpetuates the socioeconomic elite and needs to be reevaluated. Parents have the power to ask questions, challenge the status quo, and advocate for changes that prioritize the well-being and enjoyment of youth sports. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: What is the Goal?: The Truth About the Youth Sports Industry, by Jean Linscott & Kenneth Ruoff Whole Child Sports: An Alternative to Toxic Youth Sports Culture — ON BOYS episode Linda Flanagan: Youth Sports are Out of Control –– ON BOYS episode Coaches Speak About Youth Sports — ON BOYS episode Varsity Blues Scandal Explained — BC Law article Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Back to School w a 5th Grade Teacher	29 août 2024	00:43:13
It’s back-to-school time! What does this time of year look like for you & your family? Does your son dread back-to-school? Do you? Or, do you welcome that start of a new school year? Rob Vaughn, a 5th grade teacher, is one of the (too) few male elementary school teachers in the United States. Masculinity in 5th grade When we asked Rob about his experiences in school when he was a boy, he told us, “I was a different kind of boy.” He says he wasn’t a “sporty jock,” but “quiet,” “introverted,” and “nerdy.” He remembers being shy and feeling overwhelmed. The boys in his class exhibit a broad range of masculinity. There are the “dude” and “jocks,” Rob says, and at least as many boys how are “not stereotypical boys.” These guys like video games and stuffed animals, imaginative play, and art. They are sensitive — and so are the boys who like sports. Kids today, he says, aren’t as strictly adhering to gender roles as kids were a generation ago. “I’m finding that boys and girls are working together really well & openly, at least in my school,” Rob says. “Some of them are really great friends & some of the boys are really into ‘girl stuff.’ And they’re good at talking about their feelings!” He is working to overcome lingering biases left over from his own childhood. Rob has noticed that his brain often thinks “tough kid” when he sees a boy in football gear, for instance. “I need to remember that they are still little kids and they are sensitive – even though they are acting like the celebrities they see,” he says. He’s noticed boys emulating the behavior of online influencers and celebrities, including in less-than-desirable ways, such as arguing with referees or reacting with over-the-top rage when they lose a game. “It’s almost like there are little boys who are trying to be men, only the men they’re trying to be aren’t actualy men; they’re parodies of men that we’re seeing on social media.” 5th grade boys, Rob says, are grappling with “who am I? and who am I supposed to be?” at the same time they’re “dealing with hurt feelings and missing their mom.” At the 5th grade level, boys tend to be less physically and emotionally mature than their female counterparts. At that age, boys are “not at a stage where they want to sit and discuss big ideas for as long” as the female students, Rob says. The boys, he says, “are operating at a level that’s a little sillier & younger.” Teaching boys and girls together — and honestly talking about development and challenges — can enhance understanding and empathy. Takeaways: Creating a sense of community in the classroom and giving students responsibilities can enhance their learning experience. Setting high expectations for students and empowering them to make choices can help build their independence. Fifth grade is a critical stage of development, with students experiencing the beginning stages of puberty and undergoing brain remodeling. Boys and girls in fifth grade are not always adhering to traditional gender roles, and they are grappling with societal expectations and their own identities. Social-emotional learning is an important aspect of the curriculum, focusing on skills such as empathy, communication, and self-awareness. Boys and girls may have different levels of maturity and focus in the classroom, with boys often being more active and playful. Societal expectations and media portrayals of masculinity can influence boys’ behavior and attitudes towards girls. Teaching boys about consent and respect for girls is crucial in creating a safe and inclusive environment. Parents and educators play a vital role in shaping boys’ behavior and attitudes towards girls. Building a strong foundation of respect and empathy in the early years can help boys navigate societal pressures and develop into confident and respectful men. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Where Are All the Male Teachers? — Good Men Project article Lisa Damour on the Emotional Lives on Teens — ON BOYS episode Male Role Models — BuildingBoys post about male Olympians in the 2024 Summer Olympics Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS podcast featuring Richard V. Reeves (which coverrs redshirting boys in school) Erin’s Law — more info on the law that mandates child sexual abuse prevention Mark Rober — YouTuber Rob mentioned during our conversation Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Steve Biddulph Discusses the Wild Creature Mind	22 août 2024	00:37:01
The right hemisphere of your brain is your “wild creature mind,” says Steve Biddulph, the Australian author, psychologist, and family therapist known for his work on parenting and child development (including his seminal book Raising Boys). It is richly connected to our body & memories, including memories that we no longer consciously recall. It communicates with us constantly via bodily sensations, sending us important messages. We can tap into that, and we can help our children tap into that — and, in doing so, help us all realize that “emotions are not the whole story,” Steve says. Try using the phrase “there is something in me” when discussing emotions and the accompanying sensations. There is a big difference between “I am furiously angry” and “There is something in me that is furiously angry.” That linguistic tweaking allows you to gain a bit of separation, to observe and notice your thoughts and sensations. The goal is not to eliminate the feeling or sensation, but to learn from it. Anxiety isn’t something to eliminate Anxiety isn’t necessarily problematic. It’s not a troublesome emotion that needs to be eliminated, Steve says. “Anxiety is your wild creature mind, slashing at the bars, yelling at you,” he says. “Rightly or wrongly, it wants to get your attention about something.” So, when you feel anxiety, pause. Feel where it lives in your body. Try describing those sensations to yourself. Value, rather than dismiss, the sensations and experience of anxiety. Your wild creature mind — the right hemisphere of your brain — is intended to work in conjunction with the left hemisphere of your brain. Yet because our societies have long prioritized rational, logical thinking, many of us have learned to ignore the stirrings of our wild creature mind. Tapping into it will allow us to “walk more slowly through life, love more deeply, and be happy with less,” Steve says. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: stevebiddulph.com — Steve’s online home Wild Creature Mind: The Neuroscience Breakthrough that Helps You Transform Anxiety and Live a Fiercely Loving Life, by Steve Biddulph Fully Human with Raising Boys Author Steve Biddulph — ON BOYS episode Steve Biddulph on Raising Boys — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Dr. Niobe Way on Reimagining Boys	15 août 2024	00:54:45
Boys know that deep friendships are critical to mental health, says Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologists who’s been studying boys for 40 years. But as boys move through their teenage years, many of them — as many as 70-80% — find it difficult to connect with other boys. Why? “Boy culture,” says Dr. Way, author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, noting that she uses that term to describe the stereotypical “boy” expectations which state that boys & men should be strong & indepedent. And in many cultures, that “boy culture” has spread to the culture at large. “Sucess, manhood, & modernity privilege the need for autonomy, not the need for connection,” Dr. Way says. The message most of us get is that maturity = self-sufficiency. That message may be harming the mental health of all of us, as humans as meant to be inter-dependent. Rebels, Dr. Way says, is not solely about boys & men, but about all of us & the culture in which we live. “Everybody needs relationships, connections, and friendships,” she says. Learning from boys to improve life for us all “We come into the world with natural relational intelligence, and we don’t value it,” Dr. Way says. So, we need to “nurture our 5-year-old capacity to look at each other with wonder, and rather than say, ‘what’s wrong with you?’, to say, ‘what can I learn from you, about you, & also about me?”” Dr. Niobe Way says that we in the United States (& many countries) over-attribute boys’ & mens’ behavior to biology. Yes, biology influences & affects male behavior. But culture also plays a critical role — as evidenced by the fact that other cultures throughout the world & history live out male friendships differently. “The reality is that we used to be a very different culture in terms of valuing our ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ sides,” she says. Recognizing the impact of culture frees us up to make necessary changes. Because as a 7th grade boy once told Dr. Way, “When we make things biology, we think we can’t change it.” All humans can be a-holes; all can be compassionate. All have relational intelligence that needs to be nurtured. “Kids do come into the world with different temperments,” Dr. Way says. “We shouldn’t immediately assume that boys who have trouble expressing their feelings are ‘troubled.'” She advises parents to “move past the idea that they [boys] have to express themselves to us,” noting that many kids directly resist parental pressure. Instead, we should help our children develop healthy, mutually-supportive relationships. Start by normalizing the desire to be deeply connected to other people. (Talk about it with your boys!) Engage in a dialogue about relationships — and that may include sharing some info about your own joys & challenges in relationships with fellow humans. Expresse curiosity, rather than judgment. Stop focusing so much time and attention on academics. Help kids build relationships instead. Takeaways: Boys have a strong desire for close friendships and articulate the need for emotional connection and support. Friendships are linked to boys’ mental health and well-being. Boys often struggle to form and maintain deep friendships as they get older, which can lead to a crisis of connection. Boy culture, which devalues emotional expression and connection, plays a significant role in boys’ ability to form and maintain friendships. The findings from boys’ experiences can teach us about the importance of relationships and connection for all individuals, regardless of gender. Boys are capable of deep emotional connections, but may not express themselves as much as girls due to societal expectations. Parents should focus on helping their children develop healthy relationships with others, rather than solely relying on emotional expression towards them. Normalizing the desire for deep connections and valuing children’s curiosity and opinions is crucial for their emotional well-being. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: www.niobe-way.com Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, by Dr. Niobe Way Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships & The Crisis of Connection, by Dr. Niobe Way Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by (U.S. Surgeon General) Vivek Murthy Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – and What We Can Do About It, by Dr. Lise Eliot When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu The Listening Project Dr. Friendtastic on Boys & Friendship — ON BOYS episode Why Now is the Best Time to Raise Boys (w Michael Reichert) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen in a fun overall from Armoire Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Circumcision: Facts & Myths	01 août 2024	00:50:28
Circumcision is a decision every boy parent must face – but what’s the truth behind the practice? Let’s break down the facts and dispel the myths. Culture & emotion influence circumcision rates Surgical removal of the foreskin of the penis is incredibly common in some cultures & very rare in others. In the United States, approximately. 58% of male newborns are circumcised. But rates vary greatly by region – in the Midwest, it’s 74%; on the West coast, it’s 30%. Globally, about 1 in 3 males are circumcised, with great variation across countries and continents. In Australia, the circumcision rate is 27%. In Germany, it’s 11%. Zimbabwe, 9.2%. Italy, 3%. Ireland, 1%. Uganda, 26.7%. “The variation is really accounted for my cultural differences,” says Tim Hammond, executive director of the Genital Autonomy Legal Defense & Education Fund (GALDEF). He notes that circumcision is not recognized as healthcare in many countries — with some countries considering the procedure medically harmful. Myths, misinformation, superstition, and religion are often at the heart of the cultural reasons for circumcision. “What I’ve learned in 35+ years of being involved in this issue is that it really comes down to an emotional decision,” Hammond says. Circumcision isn’t medically necessary Removal of the foreskin may confer some health benefits, including a reduced risk of urinary tract infections (UTIS), decreased risk of sexually transmitted infection (STIs), and a decreased risk of penile and cervical cancer. However, there are other, less invasive ways for children to experience the same benefits, without undergoing surgical removal of the foreskin. Excellent hygiene can prevent many UTIs – and oral antibiotic treatment can easily treat UTIs. Consistent use of condoms during sexual activity can decrease the risk of STIs, including human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus that causes penile and cervical cancer. HPV vaccination can also prevent HPV infection. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Genital Autonomy Legal Defense & Education Fund (GALDEF) Circumcision: Where We Stand — American Academy of Pediatrics Aug. 3 Double Feature Documentary Screening: Nurses of St. Vincent: Saying No to Circumcision and Facing Circumcision: 8 Doctors Tell Their Stories Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma, by Ronald Goldman doctorsopposingcircumcision.com beyondthebris.com bruchim.online Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen in one of her favorite Armoire rentals Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Understanding & Supporting Neurodivergent Boys	01 août 2024	00:55:36
How do we best support neurodivergent boys? Approximately 12% of boys in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD. About 3% are on the autism spectrum. 18% of boys have dyslexia. An untold number are gifted – &, of course, many boys are 2e, or twice-exceptional, with more than one of these conditions. Dr. Matt Zakreski was one of those boys. “My backpack always looked like a bomb went off, I always forgot there were tests but could study 3 minutes before the test and get a 92,” says Dr. Matt, author of Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World.His obvious-in-hindsight ADHD wasn’t noticed or address until he was in high school. Neurodiversity affects the intellectual, social, and emotional development of neurodivergent boys.”You have have a 10 year-old who’s intellectually 15 but socially, they’re 8,” Dr. Matt says, noting that neurodivergent boys need support both where they’re “ahead” of their similarly aged peesr and where they’re “behind.” Living with & Supporting Neurodivergent Boys “Be curious, not furious,” Dr. Matt advises. Instead of getting mad when your child does (or doesn’t do!) something, get curious. Don’t assume that the child is being defiant, disobedient, or trying to annoy you. Remind yourself, “this child has needs that I don’t necessarily understand right now.” Take some deep breaths or do whatever else you need to do to calm yourself first. Then, get curious: ask your child what’s going on. Listen carefully. You’ll likely learn more about your child & strengthen your relationship. Parenting neurodivergent kids will also include helping kids learn how to manage their attraction to things that feel good in the moment but may be harmful in excess. (Think: screens). Compromise — and demonstrating understanding & empathy for your kid’s interests and goals — can help. Neurodivergent-friendly environments are crucial for the success and well-being of neurodivergent children. You are not impairing their ability to cope or function in the broader world by considering your son’s unique needs. “Resiliency is not just working harder,” Dr. Matt says. “You build resiliency fastest and most generalizable through the things you like to do the most.” Giving boys plenty of opportunities to pursue the activities and problems that interest them also gives them opportunities to develop intellectually, socially, and emotionally. Takeaways: Neurodivergent individuals have unique brains that develop asynchronously, with strengths in certain areas and challenges in others Understanding and supporting neurodivergent children requires looking beyond academics and considering their social, emotional, and developmental needs Parenting neurodivergent children involves being curious, not furious, and finding compromises that meet both the child’s needs and the parent’s boundaries Setting reasonable limits on screen time and using a third-door solution approach can help navigate conflicts around technology use Psychoeducation, explaining how a child’s brain works and why certain behaviors occur, can empower children and reduce self-blame. Neurodivergent boys often struggle with self-regulation and may exhibit behaviors that are coping strategies Providing neurodivergent boys with a customized playbook of coping strategies can help them manage their emotions and impulses Neurodivergent-friendly environments, such as schools and activities, are crucial for the success and well-being of neurodivergent boys It is important to fight against gender stereotypes and embrace the unique strengths and interests of neurodivergent boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World, by Dr. Matt Zakreski www.drmattzakreski.com Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males, by Jen Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen in one of her favorite Armoire rentals Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Jonathon Reed: To Connect with Boys, Listen	25 juil. 2024	00:46:32
To connect with boys, you must first listen, says Jonathon Reed, program manager for NextGenMen. Societal expectations of boys & men are gradually shifting. These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to *listen to boys. Adults’ interpretation and understanding of situations and interactions doesn’t necessarily reflect boys’ complex experiences, and neither does our language or approach. “We’ve got to look to them as the leaders in this conversation,” Reed says. Approach with Curiosity Teens (and humans of all ages) tend to shut down and stop listening to people who don’t seem to be listening. By adolescence, most boys know that the world isn’t simply black or white; they’re ready to explore the grey. If you want to connect you boys, approach conversations with curiosity. “Curiosity lays the possibility for an impactful conversation,” Reed says. Then, listen. Don’t dismiss what boys are telling you; dwell on the awkwardness they share and express. Remember, too, that boys won’t necessarily tell you about their problems. “If boys are struggling, often they’re struggling in silence,” Reed says. “There’s still a stigma against asking for help, particularly when it also means admitting a weakness or a vulnerability.” Create a sense of safety to connect with boys. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: NextGenMen website Raising Next Gen Men — ON BOYS episode Breaking the Boy Code — ON BOYS episode Teen Boys Emotional Lives — ON BOYS episode Creating Consent Culture: A Handbook for Educators, by Marcia Baczynski and Erica Scott Boys & Sex with Peggy Orenstein — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight:* ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Dr. Lisa Damour: Connecting with Teens	18 juil. 2024	00:45:25
Dr. Lisa Damour says that adults should consider the barriers boys face when it comes to emotional connection and expression. "Gender is such a huge force in how emotion is expressed, and perhaps even in how emotion is experienced," says Dr. Damour. "If a boy doesn’t feel that he has permission to let people know he’s hurting, it’s a good bet that he will discharge his unwanted emotions by acting out." To Connect with Teens, Learn About Their Emotions Dr. Damour served as an advisor on one of this summer's most popular films, Inside Out 2. (Haven't seen it yet? Go! It'll give you great insight into what's going on inside the brain of your teen.) Boys may restrict their emotional expression due to societal pressures and gender norms. Dr. Damour highlights the stark contrast between the emotional expression allowed for girls and boys in our culture. Girls, she says, generally have a "wide emotional highway" to express a range of emotions, while boys are restricted to a "two-lane highway." And while it’s natural for humans to cry, boys who do so often face ridicule and social pressure, especially in environments like school. Dr. Damour suggests that parents and educators can help boys by creating spaces for physical and alternative forms of emotional expression. Unlike the cultural preference for verbal expressions of emotion, many boys and men (and some girls, women, and nonbinary individuals) find relief through physical activities. Activities like shooting basketball hoops, running laps, or even banging on an old filing cabinet can be effective ways to discharge and process emotions. "If it brings relief and does no harm, it’s a good coping strategy," Dr. Damour says. Additionally, music can be a powerful tool for many boys to express and regulate their emotions. Practical Steps for Parents To connect better with teenage boys and support their emotional development, parents can: Create Safe Spaces for Emotional Expression: Encourage physical activities that help boys process their emotions. Sports, music, or even creative projects can provide an outlet for their feelings. Acknowledge and Respect Gender Norms: Understand the societal pressures boys face and offer support without reinforcing harmful stereotypes. Validate their feelings and encourage healthy expression. Set Clear Expectations: While understanding the pressures boys face, maintain clear expectations for respectful and kind behavior. Teach boys that while it's okay to feel anger or frustration, it's not okay to express these emotions through harmful actions. Model Emotional Intelligence: Show boys how to handle emotions by modeling emotional intelligence in your behavior. Demonstrate how to talk about feelings and handle stress constructively. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: drlisadamour.com – Lisa’s website The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents — Lisa’s latest book (get the free parent discussion guide here) Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting – podcast hosted by Lisa Damour & Reena Ninan Teen Boys’ Emotional Lives — ON BOYS episode Managing Emotions — ON BOYS episode Nonverbal Communication with Boys — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Brendan Kwiatkowski: Connecting w Teen Boys	11 juil. 2024	00:50:02
Brendan Kwiatkowski knows that connecting with teenage boys requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to create a safe emotional space. Kwiatkowski, PhD, a renowned researcher specializing in boys’ emotions, experiences, and masculinities, says that teen boys “assume most people don’t want to hear about their negative emotions.” Helping Boys Express Their Emotions One of the key factors in a boy’s ability to express his emotions is his parents’ response to his distress. If a boy knows that his anger, sadness, or frustration will upset his parents’ equilibrium, he is more likely to stifle his emotions. On the other hand, if he feels that his parents will respond with calm compassion, he is more likely to share his feelings honestly. It’s important for parents to create a supportive environment where their sons feel safe to express themselves. This means responding to their emotions without judgment or immediate solutions, simply listening and validating their feelings. Don’t fret if you don’t always respond perfectly. It’s okay to miss the mark sometimes. Research has shown that parents can miss the mark 70% of the time and still raise well-adjusted children, as long as they apologize and strive to make things right when they falter. Encouraging Teen Boys to Talk Interestingly, Kwiatkowski’s research shows that teenage boys are often most comfortable opening up to women. Therefore, moms have a unique opportunity to foster a deeper connection with their sons by being approachable and supportive listeners. Modeling authenticity and vulnerability is another powerful way to encourage boys to open up. Kwiatkowski emphasizes the importance of being genuine and honest with your own emotions. “I never would expect a teenage boy to be honest with me if I’m not demonstrating that myself,” he says. Acknowledging the contradictions and tensions in being a boy or man and discussing these openly can help create a more trusting and open dialogue. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: remasculine.com — Brendan’s website Re: Masculine — Brenda’s album about masculinity Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Matter More Than Peers, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate — book recommended by Brendan Kwiatkowski What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Teacher Tom on Connections & Play-Based Learning	04 juil. 2024	00:48:30
Teacher Tom says “kids haven’t changed at all” over recent decades. “Kids still need freedom to play, to follow their own curiosity,to ask and answer questions,and to learn how to get along with other people,” he says. Nurturing Kids & Building Connections The first five years of a child’s life “should be about how to live with these complicated things called emotions,” Tom says. Children also need time and space to navigate emotions and social interactions. But “too often, we step in too soon,” Tom says. When adults hear bickering, arguing, or tears, they frequently step in and problem solve for the kids — which can adversely affect child development. “We rob them of the chance to learn that basic skill of self-governance and self-control,” Tom says. Give the kids time. Left to their own devices, kids often come up with innovative solutions. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Teacher Tom — Tom’s blog Teacher Tom’s World — includes links to Teacher Tom’s courses, books, & speaking events Teacher Tom’s Facebook page Teacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotions, & Play — ON BOYS episode The Gardener & the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents & Children, by Alison Gopnik — book mentioned by Teacher Tom The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys post Why You Need to Stop Focusing on Your Boys’ Bickering — BuildingBoys post Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, by Yuval Harari — book mentioned by Teacher Tom Sponsor Spotlight: Lumen Understand your metabolism! Go to lumen.me/ONBOYS to save 15% on Lumen Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Women are America’s Safety Net & That’s a Problem for Boys	27 juin 2024	00:43:21
Women are America’s safety net. Women provide the vast majority of child and elder care and care for the disabled. Women do the bulk of home- and community-tending, and they create and reinforce the ties that bind us together. Most of that labor is unpaid — and the little that is paid is typically poorly compensated. This imbalance is clearly problematic for women, who are often exhausted and overworked. But it’s also a problem for boys, men, girls, and, well, everyone. If we don’t talk about this imbalance, our sons will grow up in a system that still devalues care work. They’ll see women, predominantly, as caregivers, and may conclude – incorrectly – that they’re not capable of childcare or elder care. Others may also assume that our boys and men aren’t capable of care. How Our DIY Society Tricked Us All Other countries use social safety nets to manage risk, says sociologist Jessica Calarco, author of Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net. In contrast, the US “tries to DIY society,” Calarco says, essentially telling people “that if they just make the right choices for their kids and families, then they won’t actually need any support.” That’s a lie, though. We all need help and support at various time throughout life. But “women’s unpaid and underpaid labor is maintaining this illusion that we can get by without a social safety net” in the United States, she says. Busting Gender Stereotypes From the time girls are old enough to hold a baby doll, we’re training them to be mothers. We don’t do the same for boys, at least not on a society-wide scale. “Boys are often denied the opportunity to learn to be caregivers,” Calarco notes. Despite the ubiquity of the Mars/Venus myth, which suggests that females are better suited to caregiving than males, there’s no solid scientific evidence to back up that assertion. “If anything, much of what we perceive as these innate gender differences roots back to early socialization,” Calarco says. “Even as young as infancy, adults treat babies differently if they perceive it to be a girl versus if they perceive it to be a boy.” Research shows that the more caregiving experience an individual has, the more that person’s body will respond physiologically — by pumping out hormones like oxytocin — to caregiving activities. “This happens for both men and women,” Calarco says. “The more experience you have in caregiving capacities, the better at it you get.” But while parents (and society at large) are now widely supportive of girls who bend traditional gender boundaries, they are much less comfortable with boys who bend and challenge gender stereotypes. Many parents (and grandparents) still aren’t comfortable giving boys dolls or letting them play house. “This is a place where we can intervene,” Calarco says. “We can hold up examples of kids and adults pushing back against these boundaries and binaries. We can let them know ‘there’s many, many different ways to be a girl and many different ways to be a boy.’ And I think the more that we can encourage that kind of gender flexibility for both our boys and our girls, the better off they will be.” Takeaways: Women are the safety net of America, providing unpaid and underpaid labor that holds everything together Systemic issues affect boys and families Devaluation of care work impacts societal perceptions of caregiving roles How neoliberalism and the myth of individualistic success have led to the exploitation of women’s labor The Mars/Venus myth perpetuates gender stereotypes and societal attitudes that devalue caregiving and reinforce gender hierarchies Fundamental shifts in societal attitudes and policies are necessary to address systemic issues and create a more equitable society Change begins at home, with the need to challenge gender roles and encourage caregiving experiences for both boys and girls Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net — Jessica’s book Kate Mangino on Teaching Boys to Be Equal Partners — ON BOYS podcast Nursing, Boys, & Gender Stereotypes — 4-15-24 Building Boys Bulletin Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Navigating Parenthood Beyond Stereotypes with Jaimie Kelton	20 juin 2024	00:43:27
Like most moms, Jaimie Kelton has “so many thoughts & fears on raising a boy.” “I question myself constantly,” says Jamie, host of The Queer Family podcast and mom to two children, a 10-year-old daughter & a 6-year-old son. She knows that gender is a social construct — and also knows that gender stereotypes are extremely powerful and prevalent. When she was pregnant with her son, Jamie says, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to connect with him. In this episode, Jaimie shares her journey and thoughts on raising a boy within a society that holds strong gender stereotypes, while also highlighting the unique challenges and joys faced by queer families. Key Topics: Parenting Fears & Self-Doubt: Jaimie opens up about the common fears and constant self-questioning she experiences as a mom. Despite her awareness that gender is a social construct, she acknowledges the pervasive influence of gender stereotypes in society. Facing Stereotypes: While Jaimie and her wife offer their son a variety of toys and activities, he gravitates towards traditionally “boy” interests such as cars, trucks, planes, and the color blue. Support & Acceptance: Jaimie discusses the importance of supporting children in becoming their true selves. She emphasizes the need to parent the child you have, not the one you envisioned. Intentional Parenting: As part of a queer family, Jaimie highlights the intentionality required in their parenting journey. From conception to daily life, every step is deliberate and meaningful. Challenging Norms: Facing societal prejudice, including attempts to ban books featuring families like hers, queer families must continually think outside the box. Often, they discover joy in creating a unique lives that defy conventional paths. Encouragement for Other Parents: Jaimie underscores the idea that joy and fulfillment can be found by embracing one’s unique family structure and parenting style. Memorable Quotes: “We want our kids to feel free to be who they are.” “We’re really good at thinking outside the box because we don’t fit the normal path.” “These are the most intentional parents. There’s no accidents in how we make a family.” Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Queer Family podcast — Jaime’s podcast Supporting LGBTQ+ Kids — ON BOYS episode Understanding Gender with Dr. Alex Iantaffi — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Emily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech	13 juin 2024	00:44:17
Child psychologist Emily Edlynn says a healthier approach to tech is good for the whole family. As she wrote in her Substack newsletter, the currently popular shame-blame-restrict approach to social media, screens, and gaming isn’t working particularly well. Emily sas: Parents’ hyper-focus on screen time, gaming, or phones can have more negative effects than the technologies on their own. Parents can become so fixated on maintaining the limits that the fixation itself causes a child’s or teen’s frustration and subsequent distancing from their parents. Social Media, Video Games, & Phones Aren’t the Cause of Mental Health Problems Contrary to popular belief, smartphone and screens are not solely responsible for the current mental health crisis. “I’m always skeptical is there’s a straight line drawn from any one thing to mental health,” Emily says. “That’s not how mental health works. It’s very complex, nuanced, layered, and full of contributing factors.” In fact, tech overuse can be a symptom, not a cause of mental health problems. “It’s really important not to blame the tech but to get under it & explore what’s going on,” Emily says. So, parents: take a breath. Giving your child a smartphone does not doom them to anxiety or depression. It is much healthier to step away from the fear and approach technology as a tool. “When parents take more of a mentorship approach to online activity and social media, the kids do better with it,” Emily says. Fighting About Tech Isn’t Helpful. Here’s a Healthier Approach to Tech. Parents and children often have vastly different views of (& goals for) technology. These differing views often come into conflict. And in many cases, that escalates into a problem. “The conflict around technology can cause more harm than the technology itself,” Emily explains. Kids may feel misunderstood, alienated, and not trusted. And parental guilt and stress around technology is harming both parents & kids. Although it may not seem like it during the tween & teenage years, our kids want to be connected with us. When they don’t feel connected to us due to high and constant conflict, they suffer (often, in ways we can’t see). Focus on the *connection* with your child instead of focusing on the tech. Photo by Photo by KoolShooters via Pexels Takeaways: Parents should focus on balance and individualized approaches to technology use rather than blaming technology for mental health issues. Open dialogue and empathy are key in discussing technology use with children and teenagers. Technology can be addictive, and it is important to develop critical thinking skills and awareness of its impact. The goal is to raise children who have a good internal sense of balance and can make healthy choices in the digital world. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children, by Emily Edlynn www.emilyedlynnphd.com — Emily’s website The Art & Science of Mom — Emily’s Substack (Be sure to check out Fortnite Creep) Fortnite is Not a Waste of Time — Building Boys post Autonomy-Supportive Parenting — ON BOYS episode featuring Emily How Our Feelings About Technology Affect Our Kids — newsletter by Melinda Wenner-Moyer (mentioned by Emily) Melinda Wenner Moyer: Raising Boys Who Aren’t Assholes — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Adam Price: “He’s Not Lazy”	06 juin 2024	00:42:06
Dr. Adam Price’s book, **He’s Not Lazy, is one that parents of teenage boys frequently recommend to each other.** There’s good reason for that: He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself addresses parents’ fears and concerns about their “unmotivated,” “under-performing” teenage sons. Stop Worrying About Your Boys Fear is usually at the heart of parents’ concern about their sons’ apparent lack of motivation. We know how important persistence and effort are to success and happiness in life, and we worry that our teenage sons will fail. But our worry is misplaced — and unhelpful, Dr. Price says. “It’s imperative that you stop worrying,” he says, noting that “it’s the worrying that often causes us to make the wrong decisions in parenting.” Don’t project into the future, he says. Focus on the here and now. Connect with your son; trust in his development. Motivating Boys Human beings are motivated to do the things we want to do. We are not necessarily motivated to do things we have to do. That truth applies to our boys as well – & explains why so many boys are “unmotivated” to do their homework or chores. To get boys to do things, we need to give them more autonomy. And we need to let them experience consequences and emotions. Too often, parents take on all the emotional and psychological labor related to boys’ performance in school. “We end up absorbing like a sponge all the negative feelings: You’re not going to do well. You’re not going to get into college,” Dr. Prica says. “What that actually does is free kids up to not worry about it because they know that we’re worrying about it.” It’s better to let kids feel that conflict and struggle, to allow them space to worry about their future. Their concern for their future will motivate them in a way your concern never will. Do NOT say, “you’re not living up to your potential.” “When you tell someone, ‘You’re not living up to your potential,” you’re telling them, ‘You’re not good enough,'” Dr. Price says. Instead, focus on connecting with and empowering your son. Give him autonomy and continued support. Set limits, establish structure, and be patient. Give him the opportunity to grow and mature. Takeaways: Parents should try to stop worrying excessively about their underperforming teenage boys and trust in their growth and development. Teenagers are still young and have a lot of time for growth and change. Motivation comes from doing things one wants to do, not things one has to do. Parents should allow their sons to experience the consequences of their decisions and not shield them from negative feelings. Recognize and value different forms of achievement, including skills in video games. Parents should praise the process and effort rather than just the end result. Gender expectations and societal pressures can influence boys’ motivation and self-esteem. Challenge negative assumptions about boys’ motivation and behavior. Set realistic expectations and give kids the opportunity to take responsibility for their actions. Recognize that development takes time and maturity may happen at different rates. Trust the relationship with your child and focus on building a positive and supportive environment. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself, by Adam Price hesnotlazy.com — Adam’s website Listener Q & A:Getting Curious & Motivating Boys — ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on How to Motivate Boys — ON BOYS episode Trust Your Boys — Building Boys blog post Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen in an Armoire dress Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	BoyMom Ruth Whippman on Reimaging Boyhood	30 mai 2024	00:44:53
BoyMom Ruth Whippman has spent significant time reimagining boyhood. As a mom of 3 boys, she knows that raising boys today is a complex endeavor. As she writes in her book, BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity, “Boys in America (and worldwide) are going through something of a crisis – not only academically but they make up the majority of perpetrators AND also the majority of victims and they are more likely than girls to engage in serious antisocial behavior, along with having mental health issues reaching epidemic levels…Understanding where we are going wrong with raising boys and trying to change those patterns is one of our most urgent cultural projects as a society. “This is a half-finished revolution.” The #MeToo Movement, Boys, & Men Ruth was 8 1/2 months pregnant with her 3rd son when the #MeToo movement gained global traction. “That moment was a really complex moment for me,” she says. “On the one hand, my feminist self was like, Great! we’re finally talking about boys & men in a whole new way; we’re finally seeing this is a systemic problem…. But as a mother of boys, it was really complicated because there was this very negative conversation going on about boys and men, which I don’t think is particularly psychologically healthy for boys to grow up hearing.” It’s important to recognize and address all of the issues that lead to some men behaving badly, but, she says, it’s important to also “give boys a more hopeful vision.” Focusing on what’s wrong with boys and men won’t likely solve anything & may instead alienate and harm boys & men. Cultural Blind Spots Like many women, Ruth was well aware of the all ways in which gender & sex shape (& limit) females’ experiences in the world. But she didn’t understand that boys are affected by similar pressures. Until she had sons. We “have so many blind spots around raising boys,” she says. And while our society has made great strides in encouraging girls, women, nonbinary, and genderfluid humans, cis boys are still hemmed in by cultural expectations and stereotypes. In our current cultural moment, conversations about boys frequently focus on their potential to cause harm. That’s problematic, Ruth says. “I want my boys to have a narrative about themselves that’s rooted in something other than harm and violence,” she says. “I don’t want their story to just be ‘I’m this potential predator and the best that I can hope for my life is that I won’t rape anybody.‘ I want them to also be able to thrive and find pride, joy, and connection.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Ruth discuss: Parenting boys as a feminist Why politicizing boys’ issues isn’t helpful – & why we need to listen to diverse viewpoints Seeing boys as more than potential predators Boys & school Male development How “undercare” harms boys The stories we share w boys Boys’ friendships Listening to boys The “contradictory pressures” on boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity — Ruth’s book ruthwhippman.com — Ruth’s website (includes links to her upcoming events) I Blame Society — Ruth’s Substack newsletter Masculinity in the Land of #MeToo — ON BOYS episode Men are Not Monsters – 2015 essay by Jen Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Connecting With Boys & Answering Your Questions	23 mai 2024	00:51:49
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The end of an era (Jen’s last son finishes high school!) What Jen will NOT miss about having a kid a school How parenting is like labor & birth Transactional vs. relational communication Letting boys take control of aspects of their life Rebuilding trust Apologizing to your kids Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers — ON BOYS episode Why Boy Moms Need Mentors Too — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Opioids & Narcan: What You Need to Know	16 mai 2024	00:44:56
*If you think you don’t know anybody who takes opioids, have you asked?* Those are the words of Julia Pinksy, an Oregon-based mom who lost her son to an opioid overdose. “It’s been 10 years since he passed,” she says,”which seems unbelievable.” In the years since, Julia has devoted herself to opioid overdose education and prevention. Today, she teaches others about opioids & Narcan. Opioid Addiction Can Affect Anyone Opioids don’t discriminate. Although some people may be more biologically or psychologcially susceptible to addition than others, anyone can become addicted. “Anyone — it doesn’t matter how intelligent, how educated, how knowledgable about drugs you are — it doesn’t stop your body or mind from becoming reliant on it,” Julia says. Narcan Saves Lives Naloxone (better known as Narcan) can immediately reverse the effects of opioids – & save lives. That’s why Julia thinks that every parent should have – & learn how to use — naloxone. It’s also a good idea to teach your kids how to use it. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Julia discuss: Why all parents need to know about opioids & narcan Why some people are so susceptiable to opioid addiction Appropriate management of prescription opioid medication How Narcan works Signs of an opioid overdose How to administer naloxone Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Max’s Mission – non-profit organization dedicated to overdose education & prevention Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: EZ Melts Get a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?”	09 mai 2024	00:46:32
Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class. Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to these disparate outcomes? Or, are schools the problem? Does the curriculum and environment somehow inhibit boys’ success? Yes. Boys mature more slowly than their female peers, so they’re generally not as well-equipped for the challenges of school as their similarly-aged female peers. Current masculinity standards also ridicule academic achievement or effort and make it difficult for boys to ask for help. And, most school curriculum and practices don’t align well with boys’ needs. In far too many cases, though, adults make things worse rather than better for boys in school. Adult misunderstanding of male development, coupled with intrinsic bias (and intensified by the fact that educators are now being asked to do too many things, with too few resources & too little support), causes many adults to inadvertently exacerbate boys’ problems. And that’s a problem for all of us. Photo by Mikhail Nilov via Pexels In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Why boys struggle in school How adults unintentially exacerabate boys’ problems Setting boys up for school success (Choose a play-oriented preschool instead of an academically-oriented one!) Meeting boys’ needs in school Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — The Cut article Why Are Kids Being Forced to Eat Lunch in Silence? — Guardian article Schools — Not Boys — Behaving Badly — Jen’s Building Boys Bulletin about both these articles Boys & School — Building Boys post about the black walnut incident Moving Into the Red: Boys & Education — article by Jen about her son’s kindergarten experience Gifted & Twice-Exception (2E) Boys — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: EZ Melts Get a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys	02 mai 2024	00:43:52
Sextortion disproportionately affects boys. Between October 2021 & March 2023, the FBI & Homeland Security Investigation received more than 13,000 reports of online sextortion of minors. Most of the victims were boys. At least 20 boys have already died by suicide after experiencing sextortion. The FBI is so concerned about these trends that they reached out to ON BOYS podcast. Agents are working to shutdown sextorionists, but they know that parents play a key role in keeping boys safe too. “This trend of targeting boys for financial sextortion — where photos are taken or provided by the boy and then used to extort them for funds, under the impression that they will be shared online — is a scheme that seems to have emerged in the last few years,” says Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis division. Protecting Boys From Sextortion Boys ages 14-17 seem to be the primary targets. Sextortionists connect with boys via online platforms (including gaming sites and social media; they often represent themselves as attractive teenage girls, show a lot of interest, perhaps share a sexy photo of “themselves,” and then ask the boy to reciprocate. When he does, they threaten to share the image unless the boy sends them money. “The boys we’ve seen fall for these schemes are not dumb kids. They’re not kids that were necessarily obviously at any sort of risk. They’re good kids, good students, athletes, model kids, the kind of boys you would want your son to grow up to be,” Chris says. “These are not bad kids; these are good kids who make poor decisions. Every person is susceptible to doing that from time to time.” Talk to your boys about sextortion, so they will talk to you if it occurs to them (or a friend). Make sure they know that you will help them, not yell at them or punish them. “It is very important for parents to constantly reassure their children that they can come to them with something like this. Building that trust with your child is really important to avoiding these things – maybe not from occurring ever, but from reaching the worst possible outcome,” Chris says.”This is a really complex issue and there’s no easy way to handle it, but spreading awareness will prevent more of these outcomes.” Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis Division To Report Sextortion: To contact the FBI, dial 1-800-CALL-FBI or use tips.fbi.gov to provide information online. The FBI’s partner at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides guidance on how to remove nude photos online that were taken before a person was 18 years old: https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/ In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Chris discuss: What sextortion is Why boys are often victims How to talk to boys about sextortion What to do if someone is experiencing sextortion What happens when your report sextortion What social media sites are doing to combat sextortion Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Sextortion: A Growing Threat Preying on Our Nation’s Teens A Teen’s Death in a Small Michigan Town Led the FBI & Police to an Online Sexual Extortion Scheme This Boy’s Story Highlights Why Instagram’s Taking a New Stance on DMs Instagram to Crack Down on Teen Sextortion Maggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024) Sponsor Spotlight: EZ Melts Get a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Protein, Creatine, & Performance Enhancing Drugs	25 avr. 2024	00:44:07
Protein, creatine, & performance enhancing drugs are common in boy world. In fact, most teen boys experiment with them at some point. Approximately 80% of teenage boys say they’ve used a protein supplement within the last 12 months, says Kyle Ganson, an assistant professor who researches boys and body image. “There’s a very broad list of performance enhancers, including dietary supplements and other substances that are perfectly legal and readily available to young people,” Kyle says. These substances are “purported to help you with your performance, with building strength, and with your appearance, but there’s not a lot of research on them and a lot of nuance to them.” Whether they’re looking for this info or not, boys are likely to encounter it online. There are a plethora of social media influencers who hawk supplements and explicitly discuss their workout routines, nutrition, and dietary supplements. Not all of that information is accurate. In many cases, these influencers gain financially when they promote supplements. Understanding boys’ motivation to use these substances is key to supporting them. An abstinence-only approach isn’t likely to work — and not necessary, in most cases, Kyle says. It’s better to engage boys in conversation and help them meet their goals. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kyle discuss: Protein supplements, creatine, amino acids, pre-workout supplements, & energy drinks Steroids & synthetic hormones, including testosterone How media influences (& creates) unrealistic body image ideals for boys Why boys use performance enhancing supplements Helping boys find accurate information Typical paths to supplement use Talking to boys about performance enhancing substances Masculine norms & muscle-building behaviors Regulation (& lack of regulation!) of supplements & performance enhancing drugs Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) & Muscle Dysmorphia — previous ON BOYS episode w Kyle Boys & Body Image – ON BOYS episode Zac Efron Admits Bulking Up for Baywatch “Messed” Him Up Rob McElhenney from “Always Sunny” Reveals How He Got So Ripped Safety Reporting Portal — site consumers can use to report adverse events Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Advocating for Boys	18 avr. 2024	00:42:48
Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive. At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women. Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that. “The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.” That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men. “Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss: Why boys need advocacy Challenges in advocating for boys & men Developing and demonstrating diverse support for boys How to talk about boys’ issues The power of local advocacy Why moms of boys are such great advocates for boys How to start advocating for boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Washington Initiative for Boys & Men 7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & Men Updated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & Men What is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube video Boys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette 50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episode Real Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024) Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Gifted & Twice-Exceptional (2E) Boys	11 avr. 2024	00:44:49
Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school, despite their intelligence & talents. In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “problem kids.” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning disabilities, says Deborah (Deb) Gennarelli, a gifted education specialist who is also the author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right. Intensity is part of giftedness — a part that frequently presents challenges for gifted & 2E boys. “Intensity is treated different in boys than in girls in this culture,” Deb says. Teachers & parents may punish or try to “fix” boys’ intensity, which typically only creates more problems. Gifted & 2E boys need support to thrive. “We can’t ignore the fact that students that have high intelligence look at things in different ways, behave in different ways, learn in different ways,” Deb says. “With the right support, these boys can go from surviving to thriving.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deb discuss: Myths & misconceptions about gifted & 2E boys Special challenges for gifted & 2E boys Why many smart boys struggle in school Advocating for gifted & 2E boys Parenting gifted & 2E boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right, by Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed. www.deborahgennarelli.com — Deb’s website Twice-Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) — ON BOYS episode When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — heartbreaking The Cut article about a 2E boy Twice Exceptional Students — info from the National Association for Gifted Children Twice Exceptional — classic Building Boys post Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024) Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana	04 avr. 2024	00:53:16
Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world. “It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online. Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why: Marijuana harms young brains Today’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past. “It’s so important to learn about today’s marijuana,”Michelle says. Although marijuana and THC products are now legal in many states, study after study has shown that these products are not safe for developing brains. Fentanyl kills In 2019, Trevor, age 18, swallowed a blue pill he thought was oxycodone. It wasn’t. Despite its markings, there was no oxycodone in the pill. The pill Trevor purchased was a counterfeit pill, & it contained fentanyl, a narcotic that’s 100 times more powerful than morphine, 50 times more powerful than heroin—and lethal at just a few grains. Trevor didn’t get high; Trevor died. According to the US. Dept of Justice, over 150 people die every day from overdoses related to synthetic opioids like fentanyl. As many as 7 in 10 counterfeit pills — pills sold online & purported to be oxycodone or other “prescription” meds — may now contain a lethal dose of fentanyl. “People now need to assume that any drug they don’t get from their pharmacist has fentanyl in it,” Michelle says. “The odds are not in your favor.” “I am going to use Trevor’s story to prevent other parents from losing their children.” — Michelle Leopold In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michelle discuss: How marijuana can affect teens & families Recognizing signs of drug use Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome Parenting a child who is using substances Just Say KNOW vs. Just Say No Where teens and young adults are getting drugs & pills Getting & using naloxone (Narcan) Recognizing & responding to an overdose Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Marijuana to Fentanyl: My Son is More Than a Statistic — post by Michelle www.wearenotalone.community — Michelle’s blog (packed w info!) Addiction Inoculation w Jessica Lahey — ON BOYS episode Troubled Boys (w Kenneth R Rosen) — ON BOYS episode Another View of Wilderness Therapy — ON BOYS episode http://drugfree.org/ and toll-free Helpline (1-855-DRUGFREE / 1-855-378-4373) TheNewDrugTalk.org SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information) SongForCharlie.org https://www.dea.gov/onepill dancesafe.org (Fentanyl Test Strips and Drug Checking Kits) Adding Naloxone to Your First Aid Kit — Decipher Your Health post (NOTE: Jen now has naloxone in her home) shatterproof.org — includes a Narcan training video Al-Anon — support for family & friends of people w alcohol use disorder Nar-Anon — support for family & friends of people who use narcotics Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul *Sponsor Spotlight:* *HomeThreads* Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get *15% off. Sponsor Spotlight:* *Factor* Use code *ONBOYS50* for *50% off* Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	50/50 Shared Parenting	28 mars 2024	00:48:13
50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents. But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting. “It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce. “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really been able to quantify where or how often 50/50 is happening, but it’s definitely better than when I divorced 15 years ago.” Why 50/50 parenting should be the default Children (and parents) thrive when they have regular, close connection. The exact number of minutes or days children and parents spend together isn’t as important as regular, routine interaction — and that’s what 50/50 shared parenting schedules provide. “Kids then know, intellectually, emotionally, and in their hearts that my mom and dad are both in it to win it. No one’s going to check out, slip out, or move away. No one’s got the upper hand,” Emma says. Shared parenting also gives both parents time to practice parenting and time to focus on work, adult connections, and self-care. And seeing both parents actively involved in parenting and work broadens children’s ideas of work and family. As Emma writes in her book, “An equal 50/50 parenting presumption is the one policy change that could dramatically help tens of millions of children, their families, and communities, without any additional funding.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Emma discuss: Benefits of shared parenting for parents & children The role of sexism in parenting – & parenting decisions post-divorce Why you need to let go of the idea of being the “better” parent Parental gatekeeping Sharing caregiving and financial responsibility Co-parenting when your separation or divorce was not amicable Societal benefits of 50/50 parenting Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce, by Emma Johnson Single Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson –– ON BOYS episode Parenting Boys Thru Divorce — ON BOYS episode Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? — BuildingBoys post Moms for Shared Parenting –– an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul *Sponsor Spotlight:* *Winona* Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code *ONBOYS* to get *25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight:* *HomeThreads* Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get *15% off. Our Sponsors: Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Marc Hauser on Building Resilience	21 mars 2024	00:51:50
Building boys’ resilience can help them thrive, says Marc Hauser. Even if they’ve experienced a lot of adversity. “Adversity experienced by children is not a rare event, but a relatively common event,” says Marc, author of Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may include abuse, violence, neglect, poverty, and loss of a caregiver, and these experiences can negatively affect kids’ development. But although research linking ACEs to behavioral problems and decreased academic achievement has been around for more than two decades, many adults still do not understand that adverse experiences may be at the root of children’s behavioral issues. Boys who act up (or out) at school, at home, or in the community are frequently met with punishment, not understanding. Shifting your mindset from What’s wrong with you? to What happened to you? What’s happening? can be “transformative,” Marc says. The 5 Ts (& How They Impact ACEs) All adverse experiences are not equal. There are 5 Ts that can impact a child’s adverse experiences: Type – Poverty may impact a child differently than sexual abuse or loss of a caregiver, for instance. Tenure – How long is the child exposed to the adverse experience? Is it relatively fleeting, or a persistent issue over many months or years? Timing – When, during the child’s development, did they experience an adverse event? Some ACEs are particularly impactful if they occur during specific phases of development. Toxicity — This describes the severity of the event. Broadly speaking, severe physical abuse is typically more impactful than mild physical abuse. Turbulence – How unpredictable and uncontrollable is the event? In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Marc discuss: Prevalence of ACEs How exposure to trauma affects parents & their parenting practices ACEs impact on males The COVID pandemic’s impact on boys Strategies boys (& others) can use to mitigate the impact of ACEs Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience, by Marc Hauser marcdhauser.com — Marc’s website risk-eraser.com “Whole Child, Whole Life” with Stephanie Malia Krauss — ON BOYS episode Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & Muscle Dysphoria — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom Linens Grown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	How to Raise a Healthy Gamer	14 mars 2024	00:52:42
Yes, it’s possible to raise a healthy gamer. Even in a world saturated with video games. Fighting about video games, however, isn’t helpful, says Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K), author of How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids. “Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. Then, as parents start to institute limits, children will try to undermine them. Even if you ‘win’ in this scenario, you lose.” It’s more helpful, he says, to establish a collaborative relationship. Ask your child what he enjoys about gaming. Listen carefully to his answers, with an ear to understanding. Really work to understand what he gets from gaming, and ask questions to help him reflect on the role of video games in his life. This takes time — and it’s time well invested. “The time scale that a lot of parents operate on around video games is too small,” Dr. K says. Slow down, & don’t impose solutions. Instead, work on shared problem-solving. “This shifts the dynamic from ‘us vs them’ to ‘we’re on the same team.’ And the moment we make that shift, we see some beautiful changes.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. K discuss: Why video games are so problematic for many boys & their families The role of gaming in boys’ lives Video game addiction Handling boys’ resistance Why you should never make & enforce a boundary at the same time Why you shouldn’t use gaming as a disciplinary tool (or reward) Responding to kids who won’t put down their phone Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K) www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s website Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog post Why Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog post Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom Linens Grown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Listener Q & A: Getting Curious & Motivating Boys	07 mars 2024	00:48:17
How, exactly, does one “get curious” about their son without badgering him? That’s a big, important question, and that’s exactly what Jennifer wants to know: Lately, as he is resisting my normal questioning…I feel like I am now pushing him to evaluate his feelings, talk to me, or just engage…I have seen this cute, fun challenge of showing a person two pieces of paper. Each one has something different written in it. The recipient who is choosing the paper has no idea what is on the other side. At one time, this fun way to choose an adventure with me would have been exciting. Today was the exact opposite. He whined, then slithered down in his seat. Covered his face. I was taken aback. So I “got curious”. I asked him what was he feeling. “I don’t know”. I asked him if he thought I would put something un-fun on them. “I don’t know.” Why. Are you feeling like a lack of control? “I don’t know”. I probed a bit more, but you get the idea… Well-meaning mom + fun idea + teen boy = Disappointment & discomfort Timing may have been part of the problem. When talking to teenage boys, it’s best to avoid after-school surprises. It’s better to give them a heads-up; let them know, in advance, that you want to talk with (or do something) with them – and then, together, figure out good time. And as for getting curious, Jen reminds listeners that “getting curious” can be internal. Instead of interrogating your son, get quiet. Think about what might be going on under the surface. Read, listen, and learn about what may be going on with your son. Other questions we address include: My son had undiagnosed learning differences for many years. We have changed schools a few times, but his motivation is at an all-time low…I read in a lot of literature that kids often lack motivation because of their relationship with their parents. We generally have a good relationship, but we worry that he still feels we failed him all those years ago… and I get calls from the school that my boys misbehave…They usually get a consequence at school. How harsh should I follow up at home, do they need a second punishment? and If my junior has a winter dance coming up, and I think he should go, can I make him go or bribe him, or is this me living vicariously through him? and also: I’d like to hear something about the “other” teens. The ones who hide their insecurities behind perfection…So growing up they miss out on opportunities, camps, jobs… How do I help them become more confident? How do I help them see their value, take initiative and try new stuff? and I’m reluctant to let my kid go to summer camp… nervous… and how do I actually GET him to go? Note Jen’s sweater – it’s a rental from Armoire, one of our sponsors! In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Why teenage boys don’t embrace (& often reject) our ideas The importance of real self-care Managing fear & guilt Boys’ motivation Responding to misbehavior & phone calls from school Perfectionism Summer camp & separation anxiety Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Boost Boys’ Motivation –– our online course Listener Q & A: Punishment, Teenage Boys, & Letting Go — Q & A from late 2023 Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools — ON BOYS episode Debt Free Mom Discusses Family Finances –– ON BOYS episode Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers — ON BOYS episode Sleepovers, Camp, & Separation Anxiety — ON BOYS episode Building Boys Bulletin — Jen’s Substack newsletter Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Debt Free Mom Discusses Family Finances	29 févr. 2024	00:55:19
“Debt Free Mom” (aka Carly Hill) knows that family finances can be a fraught topic. Yet family finances affect every aspect of family life: A family’s stress level, as well as housing, education, and recreational choices. Family finances play into decisions such as rec sports or travel team? Private school or public school? And, of course, our attitude and money habits affects our children as well. Our boys learn a lot about money management — both good and bad! – from us. On Budgeting & Money Management “A budget is simply a tool, a way to arrive at an outcome that’s not going to happen by accident,” Carly says. Step one in budgeting (or creating a money plan) is to understand the gap — either positive or negative — between your income & expenses. “Any financial goal that we have is all going to be driven by the gap between our income and our expenses.” You may not have a financial cushion; your expenses may regularly exceed your income. That’s stressful. And stress and overwhelm can cause us to freak out and/or ignore our financial situation. Instead, Carly recommends radical acceptance. “We have to radically accept what’s already happened,” she says. You can’t go back and un-borrow your student loans or choose a different job. Take some deep breaths and look at your real numbers — how much money you owe and how much you have. (Often, Carly says, things aren’t as dire as people think.) Once you know your numbers, do NOT jump to creating a budget. Instead, think about what you’re trying to achieve. What goal would you like to work towards? A good first goal is to consistently spend less than you make. Don’t worry about saving or paying down debt yet. Next, focus on your financial circle of influence. You can’t control grocery prices; you can control how quickly you press “buy” online. If you’re struggling to see a path forward — if you’ve already cut expenses and don’t see a way to increase your income — it may be wise to get outside advice. “We’re often too close to our own situation to see an alternate path,” Carly says. An outside advisor (who may be a friend or financial professional) isn’t emotionally involved and may be able to see alternatives that you can’t. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Carly discuss: Budgeting, saving, spending Why your parents’ money advice may not work for you How having a money plan can ease stress Understanding your financial circle of influence Establishing clear goals & clear incentives Negotiating conflicting financial priorities Resisting pressure to buy Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: debtfreemom.co — Carly’s website The Debt Free Mom podcast Teach Boys Money Management — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Armoire Clothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Maggie Dent: Build Up Dads to Benefit Boys	22 févr. 2024	00:45:37
Many Dads want to “step up with their hearts” and “actively parent,” says Maggie Dent, Australian parenting author and host of The Good Enough Dad and Parental As Anything podcasts. “They want to know how to do it well,” she says, noting that most dads have little experience caring for (or interacting with!) children prior to becoming a parent. Moms, though, often unconsciously interfere with dads’ parenting efforts by criticizing fathers or insisting that dads follow their parenting directives. “If you keep telling a boy or a man they’re ‘doing it wrong,’ they’ll just stop,” Maggie says. “Moms have to let go a bit. You’ve got to step back.” Dads need time to figure out parenting too. They need space to make mistakes (& discoveries!) And they need to know that we value their contributions. Boys (and girls and nonbinary children) do best when dads are involved. Building up dads benefits boys! In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Maggie discuss: Changing expectations for dads Maternal gatekeeping Creating “team parent” How dads support one another Using “dad dates” to connect with your kids Supporting dads Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: MaggieDent.com — Maggie’s website (LOTS of good stuff here, including a link to her podcast, Parental as Anything, and links to her courses & books) The Good Enough Dad — podcast hosted by Maggie Dads Matter (w Marion Hill) — ON BOYS episode Dads, Boys, & Masculinity — ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on How to Motivate Boys — 2022 ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — 2020 ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on Mothering Boys (Part 1) — ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on Mothering Boys (Part 2) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom Linens Grown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Jaclyn Greenberg on Parenting a Disabled Son	15 févr. 2024	00:40:38
Jaclyn Greenberg often feels like she’s living a divided life. When her daughter was born, there was music and laughter in the birthing room. When her disabled son was born, there was no music. No laughter. In fact, everyone swept out of the room soon after the baby’s birth, taking him with them. Jacyln hadn’t even had a chance to say hello. Raising a disabled son alongside two typically-developing children (her daughter and youngest son) presents unique challenges and opportunities. “I’ve learned, from my son, how to advocate for and speak up for my son, and it’s taught me how to do that for myself and other people in my family,” says Jaclyn, a writer who’s working on a memoir that’s tentatively titled Keeping Us Together. “There’s something about having children that makes you brave in a way you haven’t been before.” Advocating for inclusion Henry, Jacyln’s disabled son, will likely never walk or talk. The world at large isn’t very accessible to those who don’t walk and talk (or see, hear, speak, sense, and act like most others), so it’s difficult for Jacklyn’s family to do things together. “I don’t want my husband to take my son and I take the other two. I don’t want us to have to divide and conquer,” she says. “I want us to experience life together.” Henry’s siblings have long found ways to include him. “They will go to people’s houses on Halloween and say, ‘My brother can’t come up here because you have stairs. Could you please come downstairs?'” Jacyln says. Others aren’t always accommodating, and too many people don’t make an effort to include people with disabilities. Some people even instruct their young kids to “look away” when they see a person with disabilities. These parents may believe they’re teaching their children not to stare at people who look or act differently, but it’s better, Jacyln says, to model curiosity and kindness. “To me, the worst thing someone can say is, ‘don’t stare; look away,’ because they’re teaching a child to ignore somebody who looks different rather than to learn about them and engage with them,” she says. “It’s okay to stumble. It’s okay to say the wrong thing. Ask what’s the right thing. Ask ‘how can I include you?'” In this episode, Janet & Jaclyn discuss: Parenting typically-developing & disabled children Inclusion & accessibility Managing mom guilt Pulling together a team of specialists Advocating for your disabled child Resources for parents of disabled boys Asking for (& receiving) help Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: jaclyngreenbergwriter.com – Jaclyn’s website What My Children’s Relationship Taught Me About Accessibility & Inclusion — ScaryMommy article by Jaclyn How an Adaptive Game Controller Helps My Family Bond – Wired article by Jaclyn Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom Linens Grown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
	Middle School: Misunderstood or Magic?	09 févr. 2024	00:45:10
Is middle school misunderstood — or magic? For most of us — and many of our kids — middle school is a pretty miserable time. But that’s largely because most educators and parents misunderstand middle schoolers & these critical years. “This is a very pervasive story, that middle school is terrible. But it doesn’t have to be. We make it terrible by working directly against the developmental needs of middle schoolers and designing these buildings and classes in way that make their lives really hard,” says veteran educator Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years. Middle Schoolers Have Unique Developmental Needs There are two time periods in our lives when the brain is growing the fastest: the early childhood years (approximately ages 0-5) and early adolescence (approximately ages 11-16). In early adolescence, “the brain reforms itself as a social brain,” Chris says. That’s why middle schoolers are so acutely attuned to their peers (and seem more interested in social situations than academics). Middle schoolers progress through predictable developmental stages: Belonging. A middle schooler “needs to feel as if there’s one group, or at least one person, that they feel safe with, who wants them to be here and is consistent,” Chris says. If they don’t have that sense of belonging, they can’t show up to their full potential. Achievement. During this stage, kids “try to show what they’ve got,” Chris says. They want to show that they can do things of value. Note: Kids can only move into achievement once they feel a solid sense of belonging. Authenticity. This stage involves figuring out what they really like (& don’t like.). Kids eventually learn to express more of their authentic self in their daily lives. Helping Boys Thrive Despite Less-Than-Ideal Middle Schools “If a school doesn’t give at least a third of the day for social and movement time, it is holding our kids back developmentally,” Chris says. Of course, many of our boys attend middle schools that don’t prioritize movement and socialization. So, it’s on parents to help them thrive. One way we can do this, Chris says, is to be weird. Middle schoolers can (& should) see their parents pursue hobbies and interests — and see us resolve conflicts and cope with challenges. If your son is getting into trouble at a school that doens’t respect his needs for movement, socialization, belonging, and achievement, your number one priority should be to “not make it worse,” Chris says. “School has made this child’s life harder than it needs to be.” Instead, work with your child to understand what’s beneath his behavior. Help him figure out other ways to meet his needs. “We can stress a little bit less about academics in middle school,” Chris says. “If we actually help someone finish middle school feeling like they have some sense of who they are authentically, and they’re confident and skillful enough to put that out in the social world, and they’ve got some friendships based on their authentic sense of self, that is such a win. “That is really what I think the goal posts should be for middle school.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Chris discuss: Why modern middle school is a miserable experience for many middle schoolers & their families Developmental needs of middle schoolers “Twinning” — when tweens copy others’ look or behavior How parents & educators can help tweens & teens work toward belonging, achievement, & authenticity Why you should STRESS LESS ABOUT ACADEMICS Giving middle schoolers more responsibility Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years, by Chris Balme chrisbalme.com — Chris’s website Growing Wiser — Chris’s Substack newsletter What Middle School Boys Need — ON BOYS episode Braden Bell Explains Middle School Boys — ON BOYS episode Middle School Matters w Phyllis Fagell — ON BOYS episode Phyllis Fagell Discusses Middle School Superpowers — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom Linens Grown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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