Explore every episode of the podcast ON BOYS Podcast
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Rebels with a Cause: Dr. Niobe Way on Building a Relational World | 16 Jan 2025 | 00:54:41 | |
What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages undermine boys’ natural relational intelligence and hinder their ability to build and sustain deep friendships. In this episode, Dr. Way dives into the critical role of relationships in mental health and human flourishing—not just for boys, but for all of us. She explains how cultural norms, rather than biology, shape male behavior and outlines practical steps parents and educators can take to nurture boys’ emotional and relational capacities. Dr. Way also shares powerful insights from her research, including the wisdom of a 7th-grade boy who noted, “When we make things biology, we think we can’t change it.” This episode is a call to rethink how we support boys—and ourselves—in building the connections we all need to thrive. Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, by Dr. Niobe Way Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships & The Crisis of Connection, by Dr. Niobe Way Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by (U.S. Surgeon General) Vivek Murthy Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – and What We Can Do About It, by Dr. Lise Eliot When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu Dr. Friendtastic on Boys & Friendship — ON BOYS episode Why Now is the Best Time to Raise Boys (w Michael Reichert) — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Unlocking the Power of Play | 09 Jan 2025 | 00:49:55 | |
Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! — is not a frivolity. It’s not trivial or unimportant at all. In fact, it’s absolutely vital for health human development. “Play is essential for long-term success,” Georgie says. Yet no one really teaches parents how to engage in & support their children’s play. In this episode, we share some fun, easy strategies you can use to play with your kids. Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm, Confident Kids, by Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent Teacher Tom on Connections & Play-Based Learning – ON BOYS episode Gun Play & Boys – ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS
Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Amy Lang Discusses Puberty, Perimenopause, & Neurodivergence | 07 Nov 2024 | 00:49:07 | |
Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids. Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck – Get tickets here Tue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST Birds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s website Resources recommended by Amy: You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other Things Sex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It BARK (inside US) Qustodio (monitoring outside US) Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids – ON BOYS episode w Amy Lang Keeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode Talk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Parental Accommodation & ADHD | 23 Feb 2023 | 00:42:46 | |
Parental accommodation can limit the skill development of kids with (and without) ADHD. Many boys with ADHD or other executive function challenges struggle despite diagnosis, treatment, and well-intended help — in part because they and their family have received less-than-stellar advice and support. And because loving families often unwittingly accommodate (and reinforce) undesirable behavior. “Most families of children with ADHD are unintentionally misled when they receive a diagnosis,” says Ryan Wexelblatt, aka ADHD Dude. “They’re not provided with comprehensive information about what ADHD is, and they’re also directed to treatments with are not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.” Parenting training is recommended as a first step for kids ages 6 and younger — and parent training should be delivered in conjunction with medication management and, if necessary, school support for kids older than age 6. Parent/child interactions are foundational to helping a child develop executive functioning skills. Parental Accommodation CycleUnfortunately, parents sometimes unintentionally reinforce the inflexibility and anxiety that’s common in kids with ADHD and executive function challenges. “Parental accommodation is when parents change their behavior to alleviate or avoid their child’s temporary distress,” Ryan says. It’s often done out of love — and fear. Doing so may avoid some conflict, but it allows unhelpful behaviors to continue. Although sparing your child pain and discomfort may seem like a kind, compassionate thing to do, you may be robbing your child of the opportunity to develop self-confidence and resilience. In fact, there’s a relationship between parental accommodation and “failure to launch,” which occurs when young people do not take on adult roles or increasing responsibility. But over-protection and accommodation have almost become societal norms.It’s difficult to push back against cultural pressure and parent differently than others. Many of us are also afraid of harming our kids. “There’s so much fear, from parents, that they’re going to somehow damage their child by putting expectations on them or requiring them to persevere through temporary discomfort,” Ryan says. “Children are not fragile. But when you treat them as if they are fragile, they receive the message that they are fragile.” Breaking the Parental Accommodation CycleYou can break this unhelpful cycle by asking yourself, What am I doing for my child that they could be doing alone? Your child might not yet have the skills to do the task independently, but when you identify what they could be doing, you can begin teaching them the necessary skills and gradually release responsibility. Don’t get sucked into the “negotiation vortex.” Don’t give an audience to negative behavior or maltreatment Reinforce (and praise) positive behaviors. And enlist supportive individuals who can help you and your child. Things may be rough when you first stop accommodating your child. But eventually, home life (and your relationship)will become more peaceful. Your child will also be more capable — and confident. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Ryan discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode Teaching Boys Social Skills –– our first ON BOYS episode w Ryan! It’s a Confusing Time to Be a Boy — another ON BOYS episode featuring Ryan Constant Chaos Parenting with ADHD — ON BOYS episode Helping Boys with Executive Function Challenges –– ON BOYS episode Nurtured Heart Institute — learn more about the Nurtured Heart approach mentioned by Ryan Sponsor Spotlight: StokkeSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10% Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Sponsor Spotlight: Mommy MakeupClean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy MakeupNeed help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Whole Child Sports: Alternative to Toxic Youth Sports Culture | 16 Feb 2023 | 00:54:22 | |
Whole child sports emphasizes wholesome, safe, and developmentally appropriate athletic experiences for kids. It is the antithesis of the toxic, highly competitive youth sports culture that’s unfortunately become the norm here in the United States. Scott Lancaster, a sports performance coach who worked with the NFL; Luis Fernando Llosa, an investigative reporter who’s worked with Sports Illustrated; and Kim John Payne, founder of Simplicity Parenting, started Whole Child Sports in 2011 to offer parents and coaches guidance, tips, and tools to help raise and develop happier, healthier, more well-rounded athletes who will sustain a lifetime passion for active play and fitness. The three men — all fathers — were distressed by what they saw happening in youth sports: an increased focus on competition (even at young ages), developmentally inappropriate expectations for children, and young athletes who burned out before graduating high school. At their worst, youth sports can be fatal. A Healthy Approach to Youth SportsIn current youth sport culture, the emphasis is on winning, rather than the development of the athlete and team. That focus tends to overlook mental health and individual variations and is damaging to kids and society. “Command-oriented coaching” — the common approach to youth sports — “kills flexibility and self-development and retards creativity and the development of resilience,” Lancaster says. “Ultimately, one of the worst things you can do to a kid developmentally is force them to play a sport like an adult professional athlete does.” A much better, safer, healthier approach to sport is one that allows children to gradually develop skills through play. “Don’t funnel your kid into organized sport at an early age,” Llosa says. “It will curtail their creativity, damage their potential resilience, hamper them in developing social skills, and perhaps create entitlement monsters.” It’s not easy to push back against the dominant sports culture, but doing so can preserve your child’s physical and mental health — and, ultimately, his athletic ability. You can start at home, or at local park. “You are your child’s first coach,” Lancaster says. “You’re the steward of your child’s athletic development and you’re responsible for choosing the appropriate coach, one who is dedicated to helping kids grow and learn.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, Luis Fernando, & Scott discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: WholeChildSports.com – includes a Parent/Coach Toolkit with lots of great free resources (such as Choosing a Coach: A Parent’s Checklist) Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment, by Kim John Payne, Luis Fernando Llosa, & Scott Lancaster Simplicity Parenting with Kim John Payne — ON BOYS episode Linda Flanagan: Youth Sports are Out of Control — ON BOYS episode Healthy Sports Parenting — ON BOYS episode Sins of the Father — Sports Illustrated story by Llosa Emotionally Resilient Tweens & Teens: Empowering Your Kids to Navigate Bullying, Teasing, and Social Exclusion, by Kim John Payne & Luis Fernando Llosa Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Sponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10% Sponsor Spotlight: Mommy MakeupClean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy Makeup
Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Lads Need Dads with Sonia Shaljean | 09 Feb 2023 | 00:51:35 | |
Lads need dads, says Sonia Shaljean, director of the UK-based organization Lads Need Dads, one of the only projects in the country working to proactively address the impact of the absent father on boys aged 11-15. Many boys with absent or uninvolved fathers, of course, turn out perfectly okay. But many don’t. Sonia pivoted to this work after noticing, through a long career in criminal justice, domestic abuse, anger management, and homelessness, that males who didn’t grow up with involved fathers (or father figures) are over-represented in each of those areas. Lads Need Dads was created to support young men (and their mothers) “who, through no fault of their own” are experiencing fatherlessness, she says. The success of their program proves that deliberately and intentionally meeting the needs of boys improves outcomes. Boys develop a sense of confidence and competence. Their relationships with their mothers (and others) improve. They contribute to the community. Emphasizing the Importance of Dads“Getting people to recognize that this is a need — that boys can be impacted very negatively without a positive father figure,” is a tough message to sell in a society that’s focused on women’s empowerment and glosses over the need for men, Sonia says. “The thinking is that, ‘we don’t need a man to provide for us anymore.” But dads’ value to their families — to society — goes far beyond economic provision. Boys need male influence in their lives, particularly during the adolescent years. Even if they have an involved, dedicated mom (or moms). Advocating for Boys & MenDespite the fact that boys & men tend to do significantly worse in schools and life than girls and women, there are few organizations focused on boys’ and men’s issues. “There’s an apathy when it comes to men’s issues,” Sonia says. That needs to change. “Boys need to be supported and seen as the vulnerable gender that they actually are because we are currently failing them badly. If we want our boys to treat other people better, they need to know that they’re valued. We need to treat them better. They need to feel cared for and loved for who they are, not just because they’re going to come into contact with girls and therefore they should be better behaved. Let’s help our young men for the sake of themselves – not just because of how they may impact females.” In this episode, Janet, & Sonia discuss:
Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys — BuildingBoys post Here’s How to Motivate Teenage Boys: Encourage Risk-Taking — Your Teen article by Jen Dads Matter (w Marion Hill) — ON BOYS episode Dads, Boys, & Masculinity — ON BOYS episode Healthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Sponsor Spotlight: Mommy MakeupClean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy MakeupNeed help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Teen Boys’ Emotional Lives | 02 Feb 2023 | 00:49:12 | |
Teen boys mystify (and frustrate) their parents. Especially their moms. But there’s a lot going on behind and beneath that sometimes stony exterior. Teen boys are not devoid of emotions; in fact, they devote a lot of time and attention to managing and controlling their emotions. They may not show their emotions as freely as they did when they were younger, but, sadly, that’s often because they’ve learned their emotions aren’t welcome. According to Brendan Kwiatkowski, PhD, a researcher who studies boys’ emotions, experiences, and masculinities, the #1 reason why teen boys restrict emotion (& emotional expression) is because “they don’t want to burden other people.” The #2 reason is “fear of judgment.” Why Teen Boys Retrict EmotionTeen boys “assume most people don’t want to hear about their negative emotions,” Brendan says. Stress and trauma can also affect boys’ ability to process and express emotion. Teenage boys’ refusal (or inability) to express their emotions is usually “not selfish,” Brendan says, but rather, an “act of care.” Helping Boys Express EmotionA boy’s ability to express emotion is affected, in part, by his parents’ ability to tolerate his distress. If he knows that his anger, sadness, or frustration upsets your equilibrium, he’s more likely to stifle his emotion. If he knows that you’ll respond with calm compassion, he’s more likely to open up and honeslty share his feelings and experiences. Don’t fret, though, if you don’t always respond calmly or compassionately. According to Dr. Becky, clincical psychologist & founder of Good Inside, parents can miss the mark 70% of the time and still raise great, well-adjusted children, especially if they apologize and make things right when they’ve gone off the rails. Getting Teen Boys to TalkAccording to Brendan’s research, teenage boys are most comfortable opening up to women — typically, their girlfriends or moms — because they believe that females are good listeners and less likely to judge them. Modeling authenticity and vulnerabilty also helps boys (and all humans) open up. “I never would expect a teenage boy to be honest with me if I’m not demonstrating that myself,” Brendan says. “Being a boy or man is full of contradictions and tensions, and acknowledging those is such as important way to help the dialogue.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Brendan discuss:
remasculine.com — Brendan’s website Re: Masculine — Brenda’s album about masculinity Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Matter More Than Peers, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate — book recommended by Brendan What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode Healthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Sponsor Spotlight: Mommy MakeupClean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy MakeupNeed help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Damon Brown Discusses Raising Boys | 26 Jan 2023 | 00:47:00 | |
Damon Brown is a journalist, author, entrepreneur, and primary caregiver for his two young sons, ages 6 and 9. But from his earliest days of parenting, people assumed he was simply “helping” his wife. “I’d put on the Baby Bjorn and walk to the grocery story and hear ‘Oh, is it Daddy day?’ or ‘Are you taking over for Mom while she’s resting?'” Damon says. “And there’s a whole ‘nother layer to to it being African-American.” (Including backhanded compliments about “sticking around” to raise his children.) Modeling Emotional HonestyDamon describes himself as an emotionally honest person; he’ll tell you when he’s overwhelmed, upset, or happy. As a dad, he now realizes that emotional honesty is “one of the biggest gifts that I’m giving my boys.” Simultaneously, he reminds us that we must learn to accept emotional honesty from males. How a Tech-Savvy Dad (who wrote for Playboy) Talks about Screen Time & SexDamon brings some advantages to parenting boys: Unlike many modern parents, he’s tech- and culture-savvy. In 2008, he wrote Porn & Pong: How Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider, & Other Sexy Games Changed Our Culture, a book that examined the impact of video games and porn on popular culture. He even co-founded an intimacy app, Cuddlr (way back in 2014!). Damon says he’s handling his sons’ exposure to technology “very carefully.” He knows, from personal experience, that simply setting borders and boundaries isn’t effective. “It’s not just a matter of saying, ‘don’t do this,'” Damon says. “It’s more, ‘If you’re going to tread in these territories, these are the mile makers and this is the compass.'” He talks to his boys about intimacy and boundaries — not only “this is what a boundary is” and “respect the boundaries of other people,” but also “respect the boundaries of yourself.” Boys too rarely hear that last part; they need to know that it’s okay to not want sexual or intimate contact (and that they have the right and responsibility to say no. Too often, people who are raising boys forget to emphasize that point. Helping Boys Understand IndependenceBoys (and men) today still feel a lot of pressure to be independent. At age 9, Damon’s oldest son has already unconsciously internalized the idea that guys should be self-reliant — so when he got stuck on his homework, he simply stopped doing it. Damon corrected his son’s mis-interpretation of indepence. “Independence,” he told the boy, “is getting the support you need to create the life that you want.” In the moment, the child was unimpressed. But Damon knows his son will eventually need to ask for help, so he’s talking about independence and help-seeking now. Raising boys is a long game. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Damon discuss:
damonbrown.net — Damon’s website Porn & Pong: How Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider, & Other Sexy Games Changed Our Culture, by Damon Brown Dads Need Therapy; Black Dads Aren’t Getting It — Yahoo article by Damon Why You Should Strive for Good Enough — one of Damon’s TED talks #BringYourWorth — Damon’s YouTube TV show Healthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Sponsor Spotlight: Mommy MakeupClean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy MakeupNeed help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Listener Q & A: Supporting Sibling Relationships, Finding Common Ground & More | 19 Jan 2023 | 00:35:22 | |
How do you support sibling relationships and build brother-sister bonds? Or connect with a tween son? Photo by Beatnik Photos via Flickr Those are just a few of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in 2023’s first listener Q & A. Matthew says: We have 3 boys (15, 17, & 19) and 3 girls (2, 9, & 13)…our boys are incredibly close, practically best friends, and our girls are similar. What can we do to bring the groups closer together? We have tried divide and conquer (mixing who runs errands with us and such), game nights, movie nights, outings…The girls are always more receptive, but the boys act like they’ve been plague-ridden to have to tolerate their sisters for more than a mealtime…Cheslea asks: What suggestions do you have for common interests with your boys? It feels like we have almost nothing in common…Britney wonders: Is it normal for the teen boy to push moms away during this time and cling to dads?while another Britney and Susan ask: Why is he such a butt head? Why do they know everything at the age of 16?!Karon asks: What steps should I take to monitor my 13-year-old’s online gaming?..I’d love tips/advice on keeping his gaming time in check.Kate wants to know: How can a 7 yr old have so much anger and attitude?Our answers to their questions might give you some insight into your own parenting challenges.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Sibling Stress: How to Handle Bickering, Fighting, & More — ON BOYS episode Why You Need to Stop Focusing on Your Boys’ Bickering — BuildingBoys blog post Why Are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode Video Game Addiction — ON BOYS episode Anger & Boys — ON BOYS episode The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys — BuildingBoys’ most popular post Moms Need Mentors Too — BuildingBoys blog post Why Boys Moms Need Mentors Too — ON BOYS episode Clean beauty for busy women.Get a FREE color consultation – & then use promo code ONBOYS for 20% off your first order. Jen wearing Mommy Makeup Healthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Simplicity Parenting w Kim John Payne | 12 Jan 2023 | 00:45:06 | |
Simplicity parenting, in many ways, is the antithesis of modern parenting. Simplicity parenting prioritizes a balanced schedule, predictable rhythm, and decluttered, information-filtered family environment, while most modern families rush from one activity to the next and live with crammed-full schedules in an information-soaked environment. Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, was an undergrad psychology student when he first noticed striking similarities in the behavior of PTSD-affected soldiers, teenagers who grew up in abusive homes, and children who lived in warzones. “They were nervous, jumpy, hyperactive, and overstretched,” Payne says. Their nervous systems were hyperactive and hyper-attuned to the environment. In a few years, Payne began noticing similar behavior in children all over and surmised that there must be an “undeclared war on childhood,” as the kids exhibited all the signs of living in a war zone. But there were no battle lines, fronts, or bomb craters. Instead, these kids (and their families) lived quite ordinary lives. However, by that time, “overwhelmed family life had become the new normal.” And that new normal was not at all kid-friendly. “It became more and more obvious that children, and especially boys, were living in a child-hostile environment,” he says. As a result, kids’ nervous systems were “out of whack” and many kids were (and are) in a near-constant state of fight-flight-freeze-or-flock. Kids (and boys especially) often reacted “as if their lives depended on it,” when they were asked to do something as simple as putting a coat on. Simplicity is the Antidote to OverwhelmThe antidote to constant overwhelm is simple, Payne says. It’s simplicity. He advises parents to “dial back” and simplify their lives, and the results have been remarkable. “I can’t tell you how many parents have said, ‘I feel like I’ve gotten my boy back.'” Payne says. Many parents also notice that their boys are back to their “quirky selves.” It’s not easy, however, to push back against the status quo. “The difficulty comes when we look around our neighborhoods,” Payne says. “There are so many parents that have normalized what is not normal for a child’s nervous system.” But deliberately simplifying your lives — cutting out extraneous extracurricular activities, limiting screen time and info exposure, and prioritizing play, family, and connections, can pay dividends. “If we’ve built in time and balance in a boy’s life, and slowly built in time in nature, time with family, time with friends, that morphs into a strong inner loci” for the boy, Payne says. “As young men, they are much stronger and defined in who they are.”
SimplicityParenting.com — Kim’s website (includes links to the Simplicity Starter Kit, his podcast, and more) Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne Video Game Addiction — ON BOYS episode Richard Louv on Animals, Nature, and Boys — ON BOYS episode Finding Ecohappiness –ON BOYS episode Healthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Parenting “Spicy” Boys | 05 Jan 2023 | 00:42:33 | |
“Spicy” boys are those who express themselves in big and loud ways, feel things intensely, and have energy to spare, says Mary Van Geffen, a popular Instagrammer and parent coach for Spicy Ones. Spicy kids “have so much loyalty toward their own soul — and less to the adults’ agenda,” Mary says. They often are very persistent and quite emotionally intelligent. (Though often more attuned to their own emotions than others’.) It “can take a lot of energy to be with this child,” Mary notes. Spicy boys are often world-changers. Their tendency toward change, questioning, experimentation, and new ideas can be challenging for parents who want their boys to follow directions and obey. Calming your nervous system can help you effectively parent (and live with!) spicy boys. Taking regular “pause moments” is one way you can metaphorically “shut down all the tabs” in your brain, Mary says. Modeling meditation and pauses is also a powerful way to teach your boys how to manage their nervous systems. Setting Boundaries & ExpectationsParents of spicy boys should also get clear about their own boundaries and expectations. Before going to the grocery store together, for instance, “decide what are your non-negotiables,” she says, and share that with your kids. “You have to decide what’s okay with you because I think a lot of the ‘feeling judged’ parents feel actually occurs when you’re judging yourself: Oh, a good mom would…” You will need to clearly communicate your expectations to others who spend time with your kids, too. Communicate compassionately, especially when talking with parents and grandparents who may not understand the modern emphasis on consent and body boundaries, for instance. Set boundaries as needed, and remind yourself that good boundaries need reminders and reinforcements. “Don’t think for a minute that someone’s poor reaction to your boundary doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good boundary to set,” Mary says. “In some ways, it’s actually a validation. When someone gives you a very hard time for setting a boundary, it shows you that this a relationship that needs boundaries.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Mary discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: maryvangeffen.com – Mary’s website https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen/ — Mary on Instagram Highly Sensitive People Can Thrive — ON BOYS episode Highly Sensitive Boys with William Allen — ON BOYS episode Sensitive Boys (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) — ON BOYS episode Brain-Body Parenting w Dr. Mona Delahooke — ON BOYS episode Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours — book by Shirzad Chamine (recommended by Mary) Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping! 3 Green Chef meal kits Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| ON BOYS Most Popular Episode of 2022 | 29 Dec 2022 | 00:42:42 | |
Our February 10 conversation with Dr. Mona Delahooke about her new book, Brain-Body Parenting:How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids, is ON BOYS’ Most Popular Episode of 2022. And no wonder: The Center for Childhood Development calls the book a “game-changer,” and Berkely’s Greater Good Magazine lists it #2 on its Favorite Parenting Books of 2022 list. Jen & Janet’s copies are both dog-eared & marked up because it’s packed with information and easy-to-implement strategies that can change your parenting for the better. It’s an episode you can listen to again and again because you’ll likely hear and implement different things each time. (At the very least, you’ll feel inspired and supported!) It’s a clear 2022 favorite: Brain-Body Parenting with Dr. Mona Delahooke was downloaded more than 13,000 times in 2022. Some highlights: It’s time to “move from focusing on behaviors to focusing on how each child perceives, understands, and interprets their world,” says Dr. Delahooke.and “You are witnessing the power of human resilience.”In this episode, Jen, Janet & Mona discuss:
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Best of 2022 | 22 Dec 2022 | 00:46:19 | |
Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2022? Some of our favorites! Chris Tompkins, author of Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent’s Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground, recognized the power of unspoken messages when his then 6-year-old nephew asked him — an openly gay man — if the female friend with him was his girlfriend. In that moment, Chris realized that his nephew didn’t know he was gay. In conversations with adult family members the next day, Chris learned that most believed that his nephew wasn’t “old enough to understand.”4. How Microschools & Black Moms May End the School to Prison Pipeline When they realized that schools wouldn’t change quickly enough to meet their kids’ needs, members of the Black Mothers Forum opened microschools, with an eye toward ending the school to prison pipeline.Existing school leaders and educators “really did not understand how to create a safe and supportive learning environment for our Black children,” says Janelle Wood, President of The Black Mothers Forum, Inc.3. Myths & Misconceptions About Boys How many do you believe?
2. Picky Eaters, Family Meals, & Nutrition “I felt confident going into parenting!” says Rebecca Toutant, a registered dietician who began her career helping children with autism and sensory issues expand their palate. “I thought my boys would be these really wonderful, adventurous eaters and we’d sit down at the dinner table and have such peaceful family meals.”…Children are naturally “neo-phobic,” or hesitant to try new things, Rebecca says. That’s a protective instinct. So, our kids look to us to see how we’re interacting with and reacting to food — & many, many, MANY exposures to a food (as many as 10-20) for a child to accept it.It’s time to “move from focusing on behaviors to focusing on how each child perceives, understands, and interprets their world,” says Dr. Delahooke, a child psychologist and author of Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids and Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges.The autonomic nervous system is our “automatic nervous system,” she explains. It controls our bodies’ unconscious, non-voluntary reactions. Importantly, the triggers for each of us can be different.A few of our other 2022 favorites: Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? Helping Boys Develop Healthy Body Image Which were your favorite episodes of 2022? Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Janet & Jen on Life & Raising Boys | 31 Oct 2024 | 00:40:34 | |
Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Dealing with Change, Anxiety, & Energy (Listener Q & A) — ON BOYS episode Trust — BuildingBoys blog post Trust Your Boys — BuildingBoys blog post Breakthrough Session for Family Coaching Schedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/?attachment_id=6215Sponsor Spotlight: Hello FreshGet 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Youth Sports Linda Flanagan | 15 Dec 2022 | 00:43:04 | |
Linda Flanagan says youth sports are out of control. And she should know. Flanagan is a former youth athlete, cross country coach, mother of a young athletes, and the author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids' Sports - and Why It Matters. “If your goal is to cultivate a well-adjusted, responsible child who contributes to the family, then limiting T-ball, youth soccer & it’s ilk may be wisest," she says in her book. "Western parenting customs that put the child at the center - usually with the goal of engendering happiness among the young – also fragment families and erode self-sufficiency.” That's quite a different point of view than the traditional "sports teaches kids teamwork and builds character" POV. But while sports can teach teamwork and build character, so do other activities, such as working together as a family. And youth sports in the 21st century often include significant downsides, including massive investments of time and money, over-emphasis on children's achievements, and risk of over-use injuries. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Linda discuss:
Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Youth Sports - and Why It Matters, by Linda Flanagan lindaflanaganauthor.com -- Linda's website Coaches Speak About Youth Sports -- ON BOYS episode Sports & Masculinity -- ON BOYS episode Healthy Sports Parenting -- ON BOYS episode Hunt Gather Parent with Michaeleen Ducleff -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Maggie Dent on How to Motivate Boys | 08 Dec 2022 | 00:50:44 | |
Want to know how to motivate boys? Toss out your outdated beliefs about boys and men, says Maggie Dent, Australia's "boy champion" and author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Healthy, Happy Men. "Our boys aren't these tough, unfeeling humans," she says. "They've got incredibly tender hearts, and with appropriate guidance they can grow to shine." Boys Don't Want to FailBoys don't want to disappoint their parents. Or themselves. They don't want failing grades, lost homework, and dozens of uncompleted assignments. It may seem that way -- otherwise, they'd just do their work, right? But the reality is young, tween, and teen boys are still growing; they are still developing their organization and time management skills and sometimes (Ok, often), they fall behind. Nagging and browbeating them is not helpful. ("Of course that's not going to bring out the best in our boys," Maggie says.) "We've got to be careful that we don't treat our boys harshly," Maggie says. Instead, "we really need to build understanding so we can support them and help them navigate the world." Yet in many places, shame and punishment are still the primary tools used to "motivate" boys. Motivating BoysThe neurobiological changes of male puberty can actually affect boys' motivation -- and explaining that fact to young boys may prevent some negative self-talk that could otherwise further thwart their motivation. Helping boys understand that relevance of school assignments and house rules to their lives can also increase their motivation. A boy who knows why something is important to his life (and how it will help him with things that matter to him) is more likely to follow through than a boy who doesn't understand why you want him to do something that seems absolutely irrelevant to him. Boys may also need adult assistance to break down overwhelming, seemingly insurmountable tasks into smaller bits. Instead of telling a boy with failing grades to "bring up your grades," work with him to identify one subject to focus on. Together, develop a plan to pull up his grades in that one class. Support and encourage his efforts, and celebrate his achievements. His successes will fuel his sense of competence, which will lead to increased confidence. "There's nothing better for confidence and motivation than small doses of success," Maggie says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Maggie discuss:
MaggieDent.com — Maggie’s website (LOTS of good stuff here, including a link to her podcast, Parental as Anything, and links to her courses & books) From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Healthy, Happy Men, by Maggie Dent Gender Equality, Boys & Men — ON BOYS conversation w Richard V. Reeves (mentioned by Maggie) Maggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — 2020 ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on Mothering Boys (Part 1) — ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on Mothering Boys (Part 2) — ON BOYS episode unpluggedpsychologist.com — website of Brad Marshall, the “unplugged psychologist” mentioned by Maggie Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Andrew Reiner: Building Boys' Mental Health & Resiliency | 01 Dec 2022 | 00:43:49 | |
Andrew Reiner says it’s essential to spend time nurturing boys’ mental health & resiliency. As a college professor, Reiner sees what happens when boys aren’t taught resiliency and don’t develop the skills they need to support mental wellness. “I started noticing a chasm between the effort that my male students was putting forward and the effort my female students were putting forward,” says Reiner, a professor in the English department at Towson University. The boys in his class were just as intelligent and capable as their female counterparts, but weren’t consistently completing assignments — or showing up to class. Many were also experiencing mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and burnout. Why College-Age Boys Struggle When Girls Don’tContrary to popular belief, nagging your son to complete and hand in homework (and study for tests) in middle school and high school will not necessarily prepare him for success in college. In many cases, parental pressure (& hovering) leads to chronic stress, and when parents (and teachers and society) focus more attention on academics than the development of coping skills, resiliency, and stress reduction techniques, boys may arrive at adulthood without the skills they need to protect and preserve their mental health. Because our culture expects boys and men to be strong and self-sufficient, many males lack support systems — and that’s a big part of why college-aged guys are struggling more than college-aged women. “There is positively no safety net,” Reiner says. “There is nothing.” Boys who have internalized the cultural imperative of self-sufficiency feel like they are “failing” as men when they struggle. And that sense of failure and the resulting shame makes it extremely difficult for boys to seek help and support. Build Relationships with Boys Instead of Pushing AcademicsBrowbeating boys about academics does not spur their to greater learning or achievement. Instead, in most cases, it fuels deep feelings of shame and failure, while weakening the connection between the boy and those who care about him. Shame and belittling lead to “repressed feelings of anxiety, depression, and hostility,” says Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency. “All it does is make boys feel like failures.” Focus instead on building and strengthening your relationship with your son. “Research says boys do better in relationships,” Reiner says. “Boys do better — and they thrive — when they are in relationships with adults who mean something do them.” Boys, he says, “want to know that they are liked and they are accepted. “We need to let them know that, regardless of their flaws, we love them and appreciate who they are becoming as young men.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Andrew discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s website College Crisis: Male Students are Struggling Emotionally. Here’s How to Help. – Baltimore Sun op-ed by Andrew Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew Reiner Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Fostering Gratitude in Boys | 24 Nov 2022 | 00:24:50 | |
Fostering gratitude in our boys can help them navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life. And despite what you may think, it is possible to foster an attitude of gratitude in apparently self-centered boys. Science has shown a strong link between kids’ developmental stages and gratitude. As children grow, they gradually learn that they are not the center of the universe, and they gradually — very gradually — learn that they must consider others’ feelings, desires, and needs as well. So, older teenagers are much more capable of feeling and expressing gratitude than younger children. In fact, according to a Harvard Health article, “gratitude is an attainment associated with emotional maturity.” In other words, your 7-year-old son is not supposed to be great at gratitude. He’s still developing the socioemotional skills that will allow him to perceive and appreciate all that others do for him. That said, there’s a lot you can do to nurture the development of gratitude in your sons. In this episode, Jen & Janet:
Teaching Boys Social Skills — ON BOYS episode featuring ADHD expert Ryan Wexelblatt Parenting Boys with Maggie Dent (Part 1) — ON BOYS episode featuring Australia’s “boy champion” In Praise of Gratitude — Harvard Health article Seven Ways to Foster Gratitude in Kids — Greater Good magazine article Need help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Parenting Teenage Boys with Lee Bare | 17 Nov 2022 | 00:49:45 | |
Parenting teenage boys is a challenge. And an opportunity. In some ways, says child and adolescent psychologist Lee Bare, parenting a teenage boy is like parenting a newborn. “You have to be prepared for anything and you never know what kind of mood they’re going to wake up in,” says Lee, who is also the mother of three teenage sons. The angst and worry that parents experience during the boys’ teenage years also recalls the frantic worries and sleepless nights of the newborn stage. Just as in parenting newborns, it can be helpful to put some of your own expectations to the side and focus instead of meeting your son “where he is,” Lee says. Dealing with Adolescent SeparationIt is completely normal for teen boys to pull way from their parents. Your son may not talk to you (or want to hang out with you) as much when he’s a teen as he did when he’s younger. That’s OK and developmentally appropriate. It’s also OK for parents to grieve the loss of closeness with their sons. But instead of focusing your energy on what you’ve lost, concentrate on the kind of relationship you’d like to have with your son when he’s older. Work on building that relationship. “I want them to want to spend time with me when they’re adults,” Lee says. (Pro tip: Nagging your son about the time he spends with his friends or alone in his room won’t likely lead to that desired result.) Adapting Your Parenting for Teenage BoysYour parenting has to evolve and grow as your boys do. When your son starts pushing back on things like bedtime and curfew, it may be time to revisit (and renegotiate) your expectations. Boys crave more control over their lives as they get older, and they need opportunities to manage their own time and make independent choices (and mistakes). During your boys’ teen years, you can adapt traditional parenting practices to your family’s needs. You may not be able to have dinner together every night — or even most nights. “We have kind of an open, revolving door dinner,” Lee says. “Dinner is ready and then people kind of rotate in and out.” Where and what you eat doesn’t matter; what’s powerful about “family dinner” is communication, and you can maintain communication in all sorts of non-traditional ways. When you are concerned about your son’s behavior, ask yourself if it’s a big deal in the bigger picture. (Long term, does it really matter if he doesn’t turn in his math homework?) “Look at what’s important for your family to place value on, and what’s OK to let go,” Lee says, “because you don’t have time to respond to every single thing.” It’s also helpful to try to put yourself in your son’s shoes. Think about what matters to him, what he likes, and what makes him feel safe and loved. (Hint: it might not be a big hug or kiss from mom) “Teenage boys want connection,” Lee says. “They just don’t necessarily connect the same way we do.”
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| Dads Matter (w Marion Hill) | 17 Nov 2022 | 00:48:00 | |
Dads matter. Men matter. To become their best, boys need involved dads and male teachers, coaches, & mentors. But when Marion Hill began working in early childhood education in Phoenix, he “noticed there weren’t a lot of fathers around,” he says. Recognizing dads’ importance to kids’ social, emotional, and cognitive development, Marion devoted his effort to engaging dads. He co-founded of M.A.N. C.A.V.E (Men All Need to be Caring Actively-Engaged, and Encouraged), a fatherhood program designed to encourage fathers/male role models to be actively engaged in their child’s growth and development through training, monthly meetings and father-child activities. “When fathers are involved, children are more successful in school and life,” Marion says. “When fathers are not engaged, we see a 269% increase in the likelihood of a child being arrested for drug dealing or firearms possession, and the child is twice as likely to drop out of high school and seven times more likely to become a parent as a teen.” To thrive, children need both paternal nurturance and maternal nurturance. Paternal nurturance is “all about doing,” Marion says. Maternal nurturance is about empathy and interpersonal relations. Moms and dads “do things differently and it benefits the child,” he says. Most men want to be involved parents. But they need to be invited in by educational institutions, healthcare providers, and other parents. Bringing fathers into schools and healthcare settings would help kids, parents, teachers, and healthcare providers – and show boys (and girls) that males have a role to play in education, health, and childcare. “We need to get rid of this perception that there is no use for fathers,” Marion says. Each of us has a role to play in supporting father involvement. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Marion discuss:
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Building Boys’ Reading and Literacy Skills | 03 Nov 2022 | 00:41:47 | |
Reading and literacy are important life skills. But many boys struggle with reading and writing -- and resist parents' and teachers' well-intended efforts to help them. Lots of boys are reluctant readers. Many hate writing. Teaching boys to read Middle School literacy instructional coach Todd Feltman says, "reading has to be taught in increments," especially for young boys who typically come into schools with a developmentally appropriate preference for play and movement. Boys, he says, "shouldn't be forced to learn how to read. It should be a gradual process" that started with phonemic awareness and includes frequent exposure to high interest, culturally relevant books that align with boys' pre-existing interests. To help middle school boys, teachers and parents must first understand boys' lived experience, including their previous experiences with reading and writing. "We have to help find reading material that will interest our boys - and model what pleasurable reading looks like," Feltman says. Audiobooks and podcasts can also support boys' literacy development. "Audiobooks and podcasts are wonderful because they give boys a chance to visualize," Feltman says. "They can also help boys develop fluency." (Another plus: Boys can be active while developing their vocabulary & comprehension skills!) Also helpful: book clubs for boys. (Wanna know more? Check out How & Why to Start a Boys' Book Club.) Supporting boys as they learn to read will also aid in the development of boys' writing skills. "Weak readers tend to be weak writers," Feltman says. Letting boys draw and discuss their ideas before asking (or requiring) them to write a story or report is helpful. You can also encourage boys to use to voice-to-text apps to dictate stories if handwriting or keyboarding is difficult for them. With minimal effort, you can build boys reading and literacy skills AND have fun. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Todd discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: toddfeltman.com -- Todd's website How (& Why) to Start a Boys' Book Club -- ON BOYS episode Secret Saturdays, by Torrey Maldonado -- great book for boys, recommended by Todd at 16:18 Diper Overlode (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 17), by Jeff Kinney -- great book for boys, recommended by Todd at 16:58 The Invention of Hugo Cabret, by Brian Selznick -- great (big!) book for reluctant readers (includes lots of engaging illustrations) Wonder, by R.J. Palacio -- another great book for boys White Bird, by R.J Palacio -- graphic novel that's great for boys Pony -- another excellent R.J. Palacio book More books boys like to read -- list compiled by Todd GuysRead.com -- great site for finding boy-friendly literature LeVar Burton Reads -- podcast featuring the original host of Reading Rainbow - now reading stories for adults! Mentoring My Elementary- and Middle-School Students to Become Powerful Navigators of Success, by Todd Feltman Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Coffee with Jen & Janet | 27 Oct 2022 | 00:36:06 | |
What does Janet's 8-month-old grandson have in common with a bunch of guys throwing darts at each other in a dark basement? A fascination with objects moving through space -- a nearly universal male tendency that Janet is witnessing in real-time as her grandson delights in pushing, pulling, and moving objects that are bigger than he is. You can learn so much about boys by simply observing them. It's not always easy to take (or make) time to do so -- especially when you're in the thick of parenting -- but those moments of observation help you understand the boy in front of you. They help you connect, and may even help calm your overwhelmed brain. Parenting (& child development) unfolds over time. "None of this happens over a moment or in a day," Jen says. You don't have to address every problem or issue immediately. Sometimes, Jen says, "the best thing you can do is go to bed." The problem will still be there in the morning, and you'll likely have a bit more energy and perspective. Remember that your son's actions are not a reflection of your parenting skills. Being a "good parent" doesn't mean that your son will never misbehave or make ill-advised choices. It means consistently loving, supporting, and nurturing your son through it all. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin and Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy: Less Yelling, More Connecting Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Listener Q & A: Boy Communication, Socialization, & Girl Power | 20 Oct 2022 | 00:45:00 | |
Why do boys....? Bringing up boys brings up all kinds of questions! Jen & Janet have answers. Photo by Pixabay Tamara asks: Why do boys communicate through physical touch/aggression and use sarcasm for communication rather than regular conversation? Katrina worries that her son may be alienating himself from his friends -- and missing out on social opportunities -- because he's so dedicated to his sport. She says: I'm afraid he's distancing himself from his friends and will one day find himself without them. How do I bring it up without seeming like a nag?? Elena wants help answering her son's question: My older son complained that, “all the girls wear ‘girl power’ shirts… why don’t they have ‘boy power’-type shirts?” and says: My son wants to feel powerful and able to say it without being considered a pompous ass. But… how? Are there any “boy power” slogans and tees that don’t undermine others or make him look like our family doesn’t respect the accomplishments of all types of people?? Jessy asks: Will raising a strong-willed boy be too challenging for elder and sick parents to handle when he reaches teenage age? In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Boy communication Sarcasm vs. disrespect Roughhousing & aggression Whether parents should push boys to socialize Helping boys navigate girl power Raising strong-willed boys Parenting when you're not physically or emotionally well Intergenerational friendships Asking for help Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Teacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotion, & Play -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 14:37) The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 15:48) Boys Get Eating Disorders Too -- ON BOYS episode featuring Oona Hanson (mentioned at 20:56) Helping Boys Develop Healthy Body Image -- ON BOYS episode Gender Equality, Boys, & Men -- ON BOYS episode featuring Richard V. Reeves (mentioned at 25:34) This Boy Can Tshirts -- super awesome shirts that'll make boys feel great! My Boy Can with Sassy Harvey -- ON BOYS podcast (mentioned at 30:03) Parenting Through Health Challenges -- ON BOYS podcast featuring Jen Singer (mentioned at 33:31) Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Parenting, Privilege, & Building a Just World | 13 Oct 2022 | 00:43:05 | |
We want to build boys -- AND a just world.
It's easy to be overwhelmed by seemingly insurmountable challenges, and tempting to not take action on big societal issues like inequity because, well, what can we do anyway? But while it's true that none of us can individually create the systemic changes that are needed to address thorny social issue, our individual parenting choices have power.
Sarah W. Jaffe was working as an attorney for children in foster care in New York City when she became pregnant with her first child, and she was struck by the tremendous gulf between the experiences of the kids she served and the concerns of parents in her personal peer group. She thought,
"Something is really wrong here with the level of anxiety that parents in my peer group are feeling versus the overall societal lack of concern about foster kids," says Jaffe, author of Wanting What's Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World.
The truth is that the decisions we make for our kids affect other kids and families too. Take education, for instance: Parents with the economic means to do so often enroll their kids in private schools or "good" public schools with active PTAs that help provide funding for things like playground equipment, arts programs, and teachers. Their kids get a pretty decent education, but children at other schools may not get an equal or commensurate education.
Moving Past Fear to Build a Just World
"We are encouraged, as parent consumers, [to think that] there's never enough," Jaffe says. More education and experiences, our culture tells us, is always better. Marketers, Jaffe says, "prey on fear" and parents' innate desire to help their children.
So affluents parents often invest a lot of time, energy, and resources into programs and services that may give their children a slight boost, while children a few blocks away lack the basics. That's not good for anyone's kids, in the long run.
Jaffe suggest parents consider their values when making parenting decisions. When choosing childcare, for instance (if you have a choice!), consider things like the pay and working conditions of childcare workers. If you have the money to spend, it may be better spent at a center that pay its workers fairly than at a prestigious preschool.
Jaffe also recommends that affluent and white parents look past their preconceived notions about which schools will or won't work for their children. In our culture, well-off parents are "encouraged to see ourselves as consumers of schools that need to cater to our demands, rather than investors in a crucial systems," she says. It might be best to invest your resources into the public school system.
The fear of our children "falling behind" is pervasive, but it doesn't have to drive your parenting decisions.
"Being in community with people, feeling invested in creating systems that work for everyone, is a really powerful antidote to that fear," Jaffe says. "Try to step away from the fear and into a sense of community."
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Sarah discuss:
Why we need to care about ALL kids
How parents contribute to educational inequity
Increasing educational equity
Learning to identify "enough"
Childcare inequities
Questions to ask when choosing childcare
How parents can advocate for their sons' needs while still working for a just world
Supporting public education
Equitable school funding
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Wanting What's Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World -- Sarah's book
sarahwjaffe.com -- Sarah's website (includes the link to her Parenting Values Journal)
Gender Equality, Boys, & Men -- ON BOYS episode featuring Richard V. Reeves (mentioned at 15:50)
National Domestic Workers Alliance -- includes links & ideas for how you can make your home a good workplace for a nanny, house cleaner or caregiver, as well as advocacy tips
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| Andrew Reiner: What Boys Need | 24 Oct 2024 | 00:45:10 | |
Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/?attachment_id=6204Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: andrewreinerauthor.com –– Andrew’s website Andrew Reiner: Building Boys’ Mental Health & Resiliency — ON BOYS episode Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity that Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, by Andrew Reiner The Trouble with Boys Isn’t Boys — article by Andrew Young, Male, & Adrift — article by Andrew Boys are Great shop — boy-affirming merch! Sponsor Spotlight: Hello Fresh Get 10 FREE meals at HelloFresh.com/FreeONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Holding the Calm with Hesha Abrams | 06 Oct 2022 | 00:43:47 | |
Holding the calm, says Hesha Abrams, is an essential skill for resolving conflict and diffusing tension. Conflict and tension trigger an individual's amygdala, the "reptilian" part of the brain that initiates the flight-flight-or-freeze response. And when the amygdala is activated, the human body goes into a refractory state for about 20 minutes. Our eyes and ears only take in limited data. Attempting to reason with a person in a refractory state is a waste of time and energy because it's like "pouring water on dry ground," says Abrams, an internationally recognized mediator and author of Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension. Telling a person who's emotionally upset to "calm down" won't usually help. When the amygdala is active, a person will either fight or flee in response to those words. (Think about it: Has telling your upset son to "calm down" ever really helped? More likely than not, he's gotten even angrier and stormed away.) How to Hold the Calm When you are upset or emotionally triggered, Abram suggest repeating this mantra to yourself: I am holding the calm. I am holding the calm. I am holding the calm. Repeating that phrase reminds you that you have power and choices -- and that gives you a "moat" around your feelings and allows you to take your time and choose what you want to do. Doing this in front of your kids also shows them how to take care of themselves. You're modeling emotional regulation, and your kids will learn from your example. Handling Big Emotions with Teens Vuc 'em! VUCS is an acronym that means Validate, Understand, Clarify, Summarize. Validating can include simply naming the emotion you see and hear your child expressing. Your child (vigorously) disagree with your assessment, but if you calmly name the emotion ("You seem angry."), your child may also calm a bit because they feel seen and heard. "Naming the emotion drains 50 percent of the poison out," says Abrams, who's successfully used this technique in many negotiations. Then, you can ask some question to help understand and clarify what's going on. Summarize the situation next. The whole process often takes less time than you'd expect -- and is significantly more efficient than most alternatives. (Think about a fight with your teen, Abrams says. How long does that typically take?) A day or so later, during a moment of calm, you can say something like, "Let's talk about how we can help each other understand each other better, because I love you, respect you, value you and want to be able to do this better for you," Abrams says. Then, you can teach your son some simple techniques he can use to manage his big emotions. In this episode, Janet, & Hesha discuss: What spaghetti sauce can teach us about conflict; How your brain and body respond to conflict;How to stay calm in the midst of conflict and tension; Helping teens handle big emotions; How modeling & teaching your son to "hold the calm" can help him learn to respect women & choose a good mate; Paradigm shifts that help us reframe "disrespectful" and annoying behavior; Teaching self-soothing behavior to boys What to do instead of fighting about screens Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Parenting Through Health Challenges | 29 Sep 2022 | 00:44:24 | |
Parenting inevitably includes health challenges.
Kids get sick. Parents get sick. And injuries and accidents happen more often than we'd like. Learning how to manage a medical diagnosis -- and navigate the health system -- is a crucial parenting skill.
"Boy mom" and COVID, cancer and heart failure survivor Jen Singer has more medical system experience than most parents. She was diagnosed with lymphoma when her boys were eight and ten years old.
"I learned, by doing, how to advocate for myself," says Singer. When her local hospital refused to perform a PET scan that she knew was crucial to the proper diagnosis and treatment of her illness, she signed herself out of that hospital AMA (against medical advice) and sought care in NYC instead. That PET scan was key to her treatment and eventual recovery.
(The Right) Information is Empowering
Singer, a medical writer who parlayed her experience into a series of books, the Just Diagnosed Guides, says that parents (and others) should not rely on search engines for medical information. When you receive a diagnosis, "Don't Google it," she says, because the results "are unfiltered." The info you find may be incorrect or out-of-date.
In case of a serious diagnosis, do not believe the statistics you find online. General survival statistics, she says, "always include the oldest and sickest people" and may not reflect your experience.
Getting Necessary Care
Unfortunately, patients and families often have to push to get the care they need (and deserve). Don't assume that "your" doctor (or the first doctor you see) knows best. If a doctor or healthcare professional doesn't listen to you, adequately answer your questions, or take your concerns seriously, you should probably seek another medical opinion.
"If you feel like you're not being heard, get a second opinion," Singer says.
That's not always easy -- particularly for patients in rural areas and those with restrictive health insurance policies or no health insurance -- but when faced with a serious diagnosis, it's worth the effort to explore all options. In some cases, you may be able to access specialists in other parts of the country via telehealth.
Helping Kids Cope with Illness
"I used to think I ruined their childhoods by having cancer," Singer says, "because all of their innocence was taken away at one time." Yet she realizes that her sons learned a lot about independence and caring for others through their shared family experience.
Still, when she was diagnosed with heart failure in 2020, she "immediately set up support" for her sons, even though they are now young adults, because she knew another serious illness "was going to be a major flashback for them." She looped in caring family and friends and asked them to text and check in on them.
Parents (and others) need to allow boys to experience and express their feelings, both physical and emotional.
"We do our boys and our men a tremendous disservice by expecting them not to feel their feelings," Singer says, "and it causes them problems, health-wise and in communication" with others in their lives.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Jen discuss:
Getting a diagnosis
Finding reliable medical information
When (and how) to switch doctors or seek a second opinion
Helping kids cope w a parent illness
Determining what information to share (and not share) with others
Supporting people who are sick
Asking for (and accepting) help
Teaching boys to manage health & medical issues
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
The Just Diagnosed Guides -- includes links to buy Jen's books How to Be Sick and How to Support Someone Who's Sick
You Can Thrive with Chronic Illness and Special Needs -- ON BOYS episode
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Gender Equality, Boys and Men | 22 Sep 2022 | 00:54:17 | |
Doing more for boys and men does not require an abandonment of the ideal of gender equality. In fact, it is a natural extension of that. -- Richard V. Reeves
Those words are from a new book Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why it Matters, and What to Do About It, by Richard V. Reeves, a fellow at the Brookings Institute, a public policy think tank based in D.C., and a father of three grown sons.
Boys and men (as a group) now fare worse than girls and women (as a group) in school and in the workplace. (In fact, the gender gap in college education is now wider than it was in the 1970s - but flipped, with far fewer males than females attending or graduating from college.) Males are also generally less healthy and die sooner than females. Yet these gender gaps aren't often discussed and, to date, there's been little action to address these concerning statistics.
"The gender inequality that Title IX was intended to tackle [in education] is now larger but completely flipped," Reeves says. Also, many American men now earn less than many American women. White women, in fact, now out earn Black men.
Obviously, progress still needs to be made in terms of women's rights. But we can't continue to focus on girls and women and ignore the needs of boys and men. We must also address the issues affecting males. That's how we work toward gender equality.
Redshirt the Boys?
Given the fact that males typically develop more slowly than similarly-aged females, Reeves proposes redshirting boys, or having boys start kindergarten a year later than their female peers.
"The main reason girls are doing better in school than boys is because they mature much earlier than boys," he says. At age 15, in fact, the average boy is developmentally two years behind the average 15-year-old girl.
The current educational system is better aligned with girls' development. "The structural advantage in the educational system that treats 15- and 16-year old boys and girls as if they were the same is becoming apparent," Reeves says. "We couldn't see it before because sexism was holding girls down. Now that we've taken those barriers off, you're seeing girls flying."
Starting boys in formal education one year later would "level the playing field," Reeve believes, particularly because a policy or proposal to start all boys a year later would extend the benefit of extra time to lower-income boys. (At present, many high income families do redshirt their sons. Private schools often recommend redshirting boys.)
Like so many parents of boys, Reeves assumed his sons were being deliberately lazy during their teen years. He's since realized that, "This is neuroscience. These brain synapses need time to develop."
Encouraging Boys to Pursue HEAL Jobs
HEAL jobs -- those in the health, education, administration, and literacy/communication fields -- are in great demand. Yet despite the fact that males are under-represented in these fields -- and health and education, for instance, are facing critical staff shortages -- there's not yet been a concerted effort to encourage boys and young men to pursue these careers.
That's a mistake, Reeves says.
"We're trying to solve labor shortages in healthcare and education with half the workforce," he says. "I think we owe it to ourselves, and to our kids, to make a huge investment in helping get men into those growing jobs of the future."
Continuing the ignore the struggles of boys and men is not a productive path forward.
"A lot of boys and men are really struggling. That's because of structural changes that are happening around them; it's not because there's something wrong with them," Reeves says. "As a responsible society, we should address those challenges because if we don't, they're fester. If we don't address them, it won't end well. We need now to apply the spirit of liberation to boys and men too."
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Richard discuss:
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| Step in or Step Back? | 15 Sep 2022 | 00:42:37 | |
Independence is good for kids.
Helicopter parenting is bad for kids.
But figuring out when to step in or step back...well, that's a challenge!
When another boy punched her 11 year old son in the face during hockey practice, writer and "boy mom" Caren Chesler acted immediately. "I had one leg over the half-wall and was stepping onto the players’ bench when the coach looked up and our eyes met," Caren wrote in a Washington Post article. " Mine were still saying, 'Are you kidding me?!' while his were saying, 'Lady, I got this.'”
Caren backed away and let the coach handle the situation. After practice, her son told her that he and the other boy worked things out.
Like so many parents, Caren feels compelled to act "when I see my son in harm's way, whether it's socially or physically," she says. She know there's value in giving her son space and time to navigate challenges, but it's not easy to sit on the sidelines. Yet as our boys grow, they want (and need!) opportunities to manage conflict and challenges.
Managing Parental Anxiety
Often, parent involvement is driven by parental anxiety. Caren has realized that her tendency to involve herself in her son's social issues is stems from "my own personal feelings, memories, scars, and traumas," she says.
"I can tell there's something wrong because when something happens to my son, I feel like it's happening to me," Caren says. That recognition spurred her to work on separating her issues from her son's.
Managing our anxiety -- and our desire to step in -- is a constant process. As we recognize and address personal traumas and tendencies, our kids grow and change as well. We must adapt our parenting to the new moment. Rather than rigidly adhering to a set of rules or guidelines, it's best to ground our actions in honesty and integrity.
Admit your mistakes to yourself (and your son). Adjust your rules. Experiment, and then readjust again, as necessary. And as many times as necessary.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Caren discuss:
"Mom instincts" that compel us to act
Dealing with our "stuff" so we can give our boys the chance to deal with their stuff
Male vs. female friendships
Making yourself available vs. directly intervening
Giving kids space on social media
Managing video games
Adjusting your parenting positions
Setting limits
Discussing mistakes
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
I'm Too Involved as a Parent. For My Son's Sake, I'm Trying to Change. -- Washington Post article by Caren
Probing the Complex Influence of Video Games on Young Minds -- Discover article by Caren
The Model of a Mother and Son Project -- Next Avenue article by Caren
Encouraging Independence -- ON BOYS episode
Video Game Addiction -- ON BOYS podcast
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link)
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Braden Bell Explains Middle School Boys | 08 Sep 2022 | 00:47:33 | |
Middle school boys may seem messy and mysterious, but they're also entertaining, challenging, and inspiring, says Braden Bell.
The middle school years are "a wonderful, magical moment," says Bell, an experienced educator, father, and grandfather. "It's important to keep in mind that we are not raising 6th graders, we are not raising 7th graders -- we are raising future adults who currently happen to be in 6th or 7th grade."
Keeping that long view in perspective is helpful because if we stop the metaphorical film at any moment, we're likely to feel stress because a lot of change happens during the tween and teenage years. But "if we realize that's a natural part of becoming an adult, that gives us a little more space and freedom to model grace and resilience ourselves," Bell says. A parent's role is to provide love, encouragement, guidance, and empathy.
"Our job is not to solve their problems," Bell says. "We don't want our children to face their first problems alone when they're 25 or 30."
Giving middle school boys agency to tackle their problems allows them to develop the skills and stamina they'll need to problem-solve as adults. And the beauty of tweendom and adolescence is that boys don't know what they can't yet do! During their tween and teenage years, they're more apt to set and attempt to achieve audacious goals than at most other parts of life.
"I think that if we start with the assumption that our child can probably do far more than we think they can, that is almost always going to be true," Bell says. However much you think your child can do, he almost certainly can do more. But, he cautions, it has to be on your son's time. You can't push him, force him, or incentivize him.
Bell's (borrowed from a 14-year-old) advice, to both middle school boys & their parents: Choose the kindest possible response in every situation.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Braden discuss:
Why middle school boys need struggle
Backing off so boys can tackle their problems & set & strive for goals
How autonomy builds competence, confidence, and self-respect
Boys & tech
Collaborative rule-setting
Nurturing boys' strengths - while giving them time & space to mature
Respecting boys' development
Helping boys cope with school
Dealing w your sons' teachers
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Parent-Teacher Conference: A Teacher-Dad on Parenting Teens — Braden’s newsletter (Don't miss "My Parents Refused to Intervene. It Remains One of Their Most Enduring, Precious Gifts to Me.")
Honoring Dads on Father's Day (& Always) -- ON BOYS episode featuring Braden
Managing Screen Time -- ON BOYS episode featuring Devorah Heitner (mentioned at 16:32)
Middle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell -- ON BOYS episode
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link)
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Michael Gurian on Raising Boys | 01 Sep 2022 | 00:48:13 | |
When Michael Gurian published The Wonder of Boys in 1996, there "wasn't any national consciousness about boys' issues," he says.
A quarter century later, there are dozens of books about boys, and parents, educators, and politicians alike are realizing that we must address boys' issues if we are to address the current epidemic of violence. Yet despite this progress, "we are still talking about ancillary concepts as to why these boys kill people rather than getting to the root causes of what's going on," Gurian says. We also "still don't systemically understand boys or how to raise them."
What Parents Need to Know About Male Depression
Male depression, for instance, is often unrecognized (and untreated) because it is covert. A boy who immerses himself in video games, does just enough school work to get by, or uses drugs or alcohol may actually be depressed. As many as 10-20% of males may be experiencing unrecognized depression, and these males are having an outsized impact on our culture and lives, Gurian says.
Parents, healthcare providers, and counselors need to learn about male development -- and they need to learn how to recognize and respond to the signs of male depression, which may include anger, irritability, withdrawal, and substance use. Parents and educators must also partner together to figure out how to help boys succeed in school.
How Parents Can Partner with Schools to Help Boys Succeed
"Parents and schools need to get really well connected around a specific question: How do we make sure the boys can succeed as well as the girls?" Gurian says.
He suggests parents of boys connect with other parents of boys (from at least 3 other families) to create teams to share info, gather data, and approach school administration, expressing their concern and willingness to help address gender disparities in academics and discipline referrals.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michael discuss:
Progress we've made -- and not made -- regarding boys' issues over the last 2+ decades
What the Left and Right get wrong about boys & men
Why you may want to consider going organic
Male depression
The need to train healthcare providers & counselors in male development
Importance of fathers and male mentoring
Advocating for boys at school
How tech affects boys' brains
Boys & violence
Male bonding
"Toxic masculinity"
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Gurian Institute -- online home for all things Gurian (includes links to his books, classes, & upcoming events)
What We Must Do to Stop the Killing -- blog post by Michael Gurian
Helping Boys Thrive virtual summit, sponsored by The Boys Initiative and Gurian Institute -- online event happening October 8, 2022 (register HERE)
The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Educators, and Mentors Can Do to Help Boys Become Exceptional Men, by Michael Gurian
The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life, by Michael Gurian and Kathy Stevens
Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy & Resilient Boys, by Michael Gurian
Anxiety and Depression in Boys -- ON BOYS episode
Kellen CARES Foundation -- non-profit that helps young men & their families navigate mental health issues
My Family Tested 20 Kid-Safe Phones & Devices -- and These Were the Best -- article mentioned at 23:10
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link) Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Empowering Boys to Challenge Rape Culture | 25 Aug 2022 | 00:40:06 | |
Empowering boys to challenge rape culture is one way we can decrease sexual violence, says Gordon Braxton, an anti-violence educator and activist who formerly served as the Director of Men’s Outreach on Sexual Violence Prevention at Harvard University.
Currently, most of us "spend little to no time empowering boys to raise their voices against sexual violence,” says Braxton, author of Empowering Black Boys to Challenge Rape Culture. “That leaves them in the hands of a world that minimizes it & normalizes it.”
Parents typically teach girls how to recognize danger signs and avoid potential violence. But parents don't always prepare their boys to recognize or respond to violence, particularly sexual violence. We don't help boys answer the question, "What should I be doing in a violent world?" Braxton says.
Contrary to what we may think, boys welcome these converations, Braxton says. They want time and space to unpack their thoughts and observations regarding sex, violence, pornography, masculininty, and so much more.
Boys also need education and support. They need to learn how to respond if a friend, acquaintance, or stranger discloses abuse or sexual violence to them. Often, boys' intial reaction is to "adjudicate or jump in," Braxton says, but that's rarely the right response. Instead, he tells boys that "if you are approached as a friend, respond as a friend." They can listen and support -- and we can encourage them to process their thoughts and feelings with a trusted adult.
Black boys need support to wrestle with centuries of unfair policing and persistent racial stereotypes that have long (unfairly) painted Black males as dangerous predators. Braxton invites young men "to consider that there is more than one response to historical injustice. We can choose to push back against those myths and stereotypes through our everyday actions." We can also help boys understand that "these fights [against racism and violence] are not mutually exclusive."
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Gordon discuss:
Differences in how we talk to boys & girls about violence
What anti-violence is
Helping boys recognize how they contribute to a culture where violence is normalized
The power of peer education to confront sexual violence
Breaking past boys' cliched responses
Preparing boys to deal with the complications of stepping outside the man box
Why you must teach boys how to respond to disclosures of sexual trauma or violence
Helping boys recognize (& embrace!) their role as change agents
Inviting boys to consider nuance in conversations about racism and violence
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Empowering Black Boys to Challenge Rape Culture, by Gordon Braxton
StandUpWithBoys.com -- Gordon's website
List of state Coaltions against Domestic Violence
A Call to Men — organization mentioned at 37:48
Helping Boys Grown Into Healthy Men (w Ted Bunch) -- ON BOYS episode featuring the Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men
RAINN -- the United States' largest anti-sexual violence organization (lots of helpful free info!)
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link) Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Deborah Farmer Discusses Emotional Literacy (& Awe!) | 18 Aug 2022 | 00:45:07 | |
Deborah Farmer Kris is a child development expert, author, and former educator -- and she still finds raising kids a challenge!
"None of us are slot machines," she says. "It's not like you put in this language and out pops a child who says 'yes, mother.'"
Parenting, Kris says, is humbling, partly because "there's not one method that works for every child." Every child is different. So is every parent.
And yet, helping our children develop their emotional literacy skills is one thing we can do to help them thrive.
You can begin by taking a moment to calm yourself when you son's behavior is out of line or upsetting. Then, get curious. Often, another need lurks beneath. When you and your son are calm, try saying something like, "I noticed..." State your observation; allow some space and time for your son to respond.
"'I notice' takes the judgement out of it," Kris says. And even if your son chooses not to respond in the moment, your words convey that you see and care about him.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deborah discuss:
Why striving for perfection parenting is wasted effort -- and what you should strive for instead
The link between emotional literacy & boys' behavior
Letting boys tell their story (vs. making assumptions about their behavior)
Tailoring your communication to your boy's temperament (whether he's an introvert or extrovert)
The value of the village
Communicating with teachers
Helping kids understand unconditional love
The power of awe and wonder
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
parenthood365 -- Deborah's website
I Love You All the Time, by Deborah Farmer Kris
You Have Feelings All the Time, by Deborah Farmer Kris
You Are Growing All the Time, by Deborah Farmer Kris
You Wonder All the Time, by Deborah Farmer Kris
Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive, by Dr. Marc Brackett (book mentioned at 13:11)
Awe Might Be Our Most Undervalued Emotion. Here's How to Help Children Find It. -- Washington Post article by Kris (mentioned at 31:33)
Finding Ecohappiness -- ON BOYS episode
Richard Louv on Animals, Nature, & Boys -- ON BOYS episode
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link)
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Positive Parenting Solutions with Amy McCready | 11 Aug 2022 | 00:45:18 | |
Positive parenting is more pleasant - and more effective than control-oriented parenting styles, says Amy McCready. Amy is a recovering yeller, mom of two grown sons, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, and the author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World and If I Have to Tell You One More Time...:The Revolutionary Program that Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling. "Nobody wants to yell at their kids," Amy says, "but we kind of fall into this trap where we ask nicely, then repeat ourselves, then remind gently, and that goes on -- repeat, remind, repeat, remind -- until we blow and they finally spring to action." So we think yelling works, but in reality, we're training our kids to become "parent deaf," because they they know they can safely ignore most of what we say. A vicious cycle ensues. Amy was two kids into parenting before began looking for another way. She learned that meeting kids' two basic emotional needs -- belonging and significance-- can go a long way. "All humans have a need for autonomy, agency, and independence," Amy says. And sometimes, well-meaning parents do things for their children that the kids could do (and would like to do) independently, with a bit of training. Doing so robs kids of opportunities to be independent. In contrast, "when kids have a sense of age-appropriate independence, agency, and control, they are less likely to fight you for power," Amy says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Amy discuss: Why parents yell -- & why it's not effective How "being in the moment" can help you effectively manage your child's behavior (and your frustration!) Kids' 2 basic emotional needs Age-appropriate control How to empower (vs. enable) your children Chores vs. "contributions" The problem with rewards and stickers -- and why you should use "when/then" routines instead Collaborative problem-solving How your responses (and mental health) affect your child's behavior Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Sexual Abuse Affects Boys Too | 04 Aug 2022 | 00:38:19 | |
Sexual abuse affects boys and men too.
1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). They suffer in silence.
Court Stroud was one of those boys. He was 6 years old the first time he was sexually assaulted. He was in third-grade the next time he was assaulted. More assaults occurred in his teenage and young adult years. And yet, he told no one.
"This is a story I wasn't comfortable talking about, even with those closest to me, until about four years ago," Court says.
He did1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). n't tell his mother (and other close relatives) about the abuse until his Newsweek essay, "After 50 Years of Sexual Assault Shame, I'm Finally Reclaiming My Voice," won a prestigious journalism award in the Spring of 2022. He learned then "that the terror they were going to reject me" was all in his head. Sharing his story, he hopes, will help others.
"We're only as sick as our secrets," Court says. "The more transparently that I'm able to live, the healthier I'm able to be. The silence was worse than the incident."
Need help or support? Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Court discuss:
How sexual abuse harms boys
The link between sexual assault and shame -- and how shame keeps people quiet
The last-lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse
Fight, flight, or freeze stress response
"Healthy adults don't ever ask children to keep secrets"
Why talking about tough things is so important
When to seek mental health assistance
Using TV shows & news stories to educate boys about sexual violence
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
courtstroud.com -- Court's website (includes link to his podcast, Revolucion!)
"After 50 Years of Sexual Assault Shame, I'm Finally Reclaiming My Voice" -- Court's ASJA award-winning essay
The Grizzly in the Purple Pants -- Court's NYT article
Stop Sexual Abuse with These 6 Steps -- BuildingBoys post
Pay Attention to Stop Sexual Abuse -- BuildingBoys post
Sexual Abuse & Penn State -- classic BuildingBoys post
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
RAINN -- United States' largest anti-sexual violence organization
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Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| What Parents (& Boys) Need to Know About AI | 17 Oct 2024 | 00:45:05 | |
AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI. The public release of ChatGPT, a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use it for school work — to dismay of some teachers. As AI becomes more integrated into the tools and technologies we use every day, understanding how it works—and how to use it responsibly—is becoming essential for both adults and children. (AI, in fact, helped me rewrite that last sentence. Initially, it said, “Understanding AI & how to use it ethically is quickly becoming a necessary skill.) In this episode, we talk with Angela Radcliffe, a mom of two, clinical research expert, and AI enthusiast who created Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book to help kids (and their parents) understand ethical uses of AI. Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Quantum Kids, Guardians of AI: Story Quest and Activity Book, created by Angela Radcliffe What Teachers Told Me About AI in School Teens Using AI to Create Deepfakes of Classmates Prompts New Bill Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Helping Boys with Executive Function Challenges | 28 Jul 2022 | 00:41:07 | |
You might not even realize you have a boy with executive function challenges.
Instead, you (or others) might think he's "disorganized," "lazy," "resistant," or "unmotivated."
Seth Perler was one of those boys. Now, he's an executive function coach who helps other kids develop the skills they need to thrive. Seth is also the founder of The Online Executive Function Summit (TEFOS). TEFOS 2022 is August 5-7 -- and it's FREE! You can use this link to take advantage of the TEFOS 2022 Early Bird Special, which will give you lifetime access to each of the expert-led sources.
This year's TEFOS includes sessions led by previous ON BOYS' guests Tosha Schore, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, and Debbie Reber, as well as dozens of other mental health professionals, authors, and neuroscience specialists.
Of course, an August summit won't help you today, so we're re-running a previous conversation with Seth Perler, who reminds us that
“If you want to help a kid who is struggling with homework, grades, procrastination, under acheivement, time management, and motivation, you have to understand ONE thing – and one thing only – and that’s EXECUTIVE FUNCTION.”
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Seth discuss:
What is executive function?
Why boys with executive function challenges don’t struggle with Legos, video games or other activities they enjoy
Why punishments & rewards aren’t effective motivation strategies
Establishing reasonable expectations
Helping kids who are behind (on turning in assignments, etc) “catch up”
When (& how) to reach out to your son’s teacher
How to deal with resistance
Why it’s OK for your son to aim for a D (vs. a B)
Exploring other educational options
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
sethperler.com — Seth’s website
ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode
Twice Exceptional (2e) Boys – ON BOYS episode
Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol Dweck — TED talk
The Shame of ADHD and Executive Function — Seth’s video/blog post, mentioned at 33:10
The Executive Focus Online Summit (TEFOS 22) -- FREE summit organized by Seth
Register for FREE here
Get LIFETIME ACCESS + transcripts + bonus materials with the Early Bird Special (available thru Aug. 4, 2022) Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Helping Boys Thrive (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) | 21 Jul 2022 | 00:44:05 | |
Stress and trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive.
Counseling, chiropractic care, socio-emotional learning, and other child-focused interventions may help, but only to a certain degree. For real, lasting, sustainable change to occur, adults must manage their own stress.
"There's nothing good that's going to come of taking our children to others for help until we have looked at ourselves," says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist based in Texas. The first step to helping our boys thrive, she says, is becoming stress-aware.
Chronic, on-going stress can turn into toxic stress and trauma. And trauma can inhibit our ability (and our kids' ability) to become their best selves. Trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive.
"Trauma is not an event," Dr. Sandy clarifies, but an emotional response to a distressing experience. It can be cumulative as well. People who have experience a second or third trauma before they've had the opportunity to heal or recover from the first trauma may struggle more than those who've had time to heal.
Trauma doesn't simply "go away" once when a stressor is removed. It can get "stalled" in the body, Dr. Sandy says, and negatively affect our physical and mental functioning.
Healing trauma
It's possible to heal from trauma.
"There are remarkable and simple tools you can use to 'tease' that trauma out" of your nervous system, Dr. Sandy says. Parents can help boys thrive by first healing their own trauma.
"As we being to heal, children pick up a different energy from us and they spontaneously heal with us," she says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. Sandy discuss:
The effect of stress on the body and brain
Toxic stress & trauma
Early developmental trauma
How trauma affects parenting
Symptoms of parental trauma
Tools to heal trauma and emotional dysregulation
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
drsandygluckman.com — Dr. Sandy’s website
Heal Your Trauma -- Dr. Sandy's program (mentioned at 23:48)
www.youtube.com/user/sandygluckman — Dr. Sandy’s YouTube channel
Sensitive Boys (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) -- ON BOYS episode
Helping Boys Become More Resilient w Dr. Sandy Gluckman -- ON BOYS episode
Dr. Michele Borba Knows How to Help Boys Thrive -- ON BOYS episode
Honoring Dads on Father's Day (& Always) -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 31:48
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Hank, the 90 lb. dog Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Kate Mangino on Teaching Boys to be Equal Partners | 14 Jul 2022 | 00:46:56 | |
Kate Mangino is right: “The last thing any working parent needs is to add ‘solve gender inequality’ to their to-do list.”
But if we don't think about gender inequality in the home, we might end up unintentionally perpetuating it. After all, for most of our lives, females have been assumed to be the primary and "natural" caretakers of home and family, while males have been primarily expected to earn a living. Those roles are shifting, of course, but facts are facts: women still bear the brunt of household chores and do most caretaking.
Creating gender equality
"We're talking about a social system that we're all born into," says Kate, a gender expert, mom of two, and author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. "The way we raise boys and the toys that we give them and the values that we instill in them lead them to value income generation more than anything else.
"We have to recognize these 'tracks' we're putting our kids on and break that cycle."
Men who are equal partners in their homes and families are generally very satisfied with their lives. "I feel good about myself," they told Kate. "and have a great relationship with my spouse. I have a great relationship with my kids."
When we don't teach boys the skills they need to be equal partners at home, we are unnecessarily limiting them.
Teaching boys to notice what needs to be done
"Noticing time" is a strategy Kate uses to teach her son and daughter the cognitive skills required to effectively manage a home.
"When I give my kids a chore list, they're not going cognitive labor; I'm training my kids to be helpers," she says. "Noticing time" is intended to help kids anticipate and plan for necessary tasks. Instead of telling her kids what to do, she instead sets a timer and asks them to figure out what needs to be done.
"The first time I tried this, it was a joke," she admits. The family living room was a lived-in mess, complete with empty food containers and scattered silverware. But both kids thought the room looked fine. Over time, though, their ability to notice and act improved.
"They started to see what gets messy quickly," Kate says. "They realized that the sink in their bathroom is often gross, so that's a good starting point for them. Now, they know what to do and the house looks better. I'm getting both of them to the point where they're capable of doing the cognitive labor" it takes to run a home and family.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kate discuss:
Ebbs and flows of gender equality at home
Traditional "male" and "female" roles in the home
How parenting practices affect gender equality
Talking about household responsibilities
Valuing caregiving
How gender equality in the home benefits boys & men
The "men's glass ceiling"
Maternal gatekeeping
"Noticing time"
Establishing family standards
Giving boys opportunities to contribute
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, by Kate Mangino
The Equal Partner Quiz -- mentioned at 22:35
Mom's Hierarchy of Needs -- mentioned at 19:01
Single Parenting with Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson -- ON BOYS episode
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
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Online, 8-week program that includes video lessons, a downloadable workbook, and ongoing membership to The Courage Circle, a private Facebook community where families can receive support and celebrate successes. Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Highly Sensitive People Can Thrive | 07 Jul 2022 | 00:44:19 | |
Highly sensitive people -- boys & parents alike -- are prone to overwhelm.
They're also likely to be misunderstood (and, perhaps, misdirected) by parents, teachers, coaches, and others.
"I was told my entire life, 'You're too damn sensitive,'" says Alane Freund, a licensed psychotherapist, highly sensitive person (HSP), & parent a of highly sensitive son.
Alane describes 4 characteristics of highly sensitive people, which can be remembered using the acronym "DOES":
Deep processing
Over-arousal
Strong emotional reactions
Sensitivity to subtle stimuli
In simple terms, a highly sensitive individual has a "more reactive" brain, Alane says, and a "finely tuned nervous system." (Fun fact: 15-20% of the members of all species may be highly sensitive. There are even highly sensitive fruit flies and sun fish!)
HSPs benefit from structure and routines in daily life. Be realistic about time, and include your child in planning. You can also teach (and role model) relaxation strategies to help highly sensitive children (and adults!) reset. These strategies can help any child thrive.
Unfortunately, highly sensitive boys are sometimes misdiagnosed. Because they tend to withdraw from overstimulation, they may be classified as avoidant or autistic, and highly active HSP boys are often diagnosed with ADHD. Society has yet to "make space" for the 50% of boys and men who are more sensitive and more thoughtful than the norm, Alane says.
We can make progress on that front by seeing, recognizing, and appreciating highly sensitive boys. "One of the most important things we can do for children to build resiliency is to give them adults who see them -- who truly see them and are not their parents," Alane says. Parents, of course, are important, but kids need the support, appreciation, and encouragement of coaches, teachers, and others as well.
With this support, highly sensitive boys can become "amazing partners, amazing leaders, and world changers," Alane says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Alane discuss:
Characteristics of highly sensitive people
Differences between sensory processing disorder & high sensitivity
Scheduling/time management for HSPs
How to prevent over-arousal
Managing overwhelm
Highly sensitive boys in school
Why the world needs HSPs
Helping HSP boys navigate masculinity and gender expectations
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
alanefreund.com -- Alane's website
Alane Freund's YouTube channel
The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine N. Aron (book mentioned at 5:08)
The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine N. Aron (book mentioned at 19:41)
Sensitive: The Untold Story -- documentary mentioned at 35:55 (available on Amazon Prime)
The Strong, Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man, by Ted Zeff (book mentioned at 38:42)
Brain Power Wellness - YouTube channel mentioned at 23:21
Highly Sensitive Boys with William Allen -- ON BOYS episode
Sensitive Boys (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) -- ON BOYS episode
You Asked About Age 14, Implicit Bias, & Sensitive Boys (Listener Q & A) -- ON BOYS episode
Sensory Processing Disorder with Nancy Peske -- ON BOYS episode
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Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| You-ology: Puberty for Every Body | 30 Jun 2022 | 00:38:27 | |
Puberty happens to every body - and boys need to know how puberty affects bodies and brains.
You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes, addresses puberty in a holistic, inclusive manner. That's important because "all kids need this information," Dr. Hutchison says. "All kids need to know what all kids go through. It makes them more supportive and empathetic of each other."
Boys need to understand female puberty, and all kids today need to learn about the challenges and experiences of gender non-conforming and non-binary children.
Boys typically begin puberty somewhere between ages 9 to 14, but their need for accurate information starts well before that. "The earlier you talk about it, the more receptive and excited they are about these changes," Dr. Hutchison says. And boys, she says, are actually eager to learn more about how female and gender non-conforming bodies work.
"Kids who know what's ahead have more confidence and less anxiety," Dr. Hutchison says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. Hutchison discuss:
When boys start puberty
Why it's so hard to talk about puberty
Sexual abuse prevention
Seizing teachable moments
How to get comfortable talking about puberty & sex
Talking about gender identity w kids
Social aspects of puberty
Satisfying sexual curiosity
Talking to boys about masturbation & pornography
Supporting gender diverse kids
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes
Guyology -- online male puberty program
Girlology -- online female puberty program
Just the Facts: A Guy's Guide to Growing Up (Girology/Guyology), by Dr. Trish Hutchison & Dr. Melissa Homes
Talk to Boys about Sex (w Amy Lang) -- ON BOYS podcast
21st Century Sex Ed w Jo Langford -- ON BOYS podcast
Turning Red -- Disney/Pixar movie mentioned at 29:52
Period Education Project -- nonprofit mentioned at 36:41
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Evil Witch Claire Zulkey on Life as a Boy Mom | 23 Jun 2022 | 00:45:19 | |
"Boy mom" Claire Zulkey is the only female in her family. (Yes, the family dogs are male too.)
She's also a self-described "evil witch" & creator of Evil Witches newsletter, a fantastic community and newsletter for people who happen to be mothers and know that you can love and loathe your kids at the same time.
Claire's son are now 7 and nearly 10, and she's learned to let them handle their own disagreements, for the most part. (After teaching them ways to compromise and manage conflict)
"I let them be mad at each other," she says. "I let them work it out, and they do work it out."
That's not to say life is always pleasant and peaceful at Claire's home.
"It has been a wild year. A wild couple of years," she admits. There were lots of calls and emails from her son's school regarding his behavior.
"I had a really hard time not taking it personally," Claire says. She worried that the school (& others) would think she was condoning her son's behavior -- or worse: teaching him that he could do whatever he wanted at school.
Connecting with other moms (especially other "boy moms") helped her cope.
"You have to find your friends," Claire says. "Your friends; not your kids' friends. Someone who takes parenting really seriously but can laugh about it."
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Claire discuss:
Living with a kid with ADHD
Sibling relationships
Real life with boys
Managing know-it-all boys & mansplaining
Dealing with misbehavior at school
The value of connecting with other boy moms
Shifting our parenting as our boys move into middle school & puberty
Younger boys learning from older boys
Negative self talk
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Evil Witches newsletter - newsletter for people who happen to be mothers, by Claire Zulkey
Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers -- ON BOYS episode
The First Time Mom's Guide to Raising Boys: Practical Advice for Your Son's Formative Years -- Jen's book (mentioned at 24:40)
Growing Up Great: The Ultimate Puberty Book for Boys -- book mentioned by Claire (at 29:07)
Helping Boys Develop Healthy Body Image -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 29:50)
What You Need to Know about Boys & Suicide -- our ON BOYS conversation w Katey McPherson (mentioned at 39:40)
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Honoring Dads on Father’s Day (& Always) | 16 Jun 2022 | 00:50:52 | |
Father's Day here in America was first celebrated on June 19, 1910.
It wasn’t declared an official holiday until 1972—58 years AFTER Mother's Day was made official.
Dads have long been assumed to be secondary parents, at best. But popular and persistent stereotypes of fatherhood -- though perhaps grounded in some truth -- don't accurately depict many fathers.
How stereotypes hold back dads
These stereotypes, though, affect boys and men. They can feed a mistrust of men and fathers that affects potential dads too. The common "incompetent father" trope (think Homer Simpson) can cause people to unconsciously assume that "you're going to be bumbling, you're going to be dangerous, you're going to make poor decisions," says Andy, a new father (and Janet's son-in-law!), who admits to internalizing those ideas.
Although his son is only 3 1/2 months old, Andy has already learned the value of staying focused on the present.
"I don't know how to raise my son in 5 years. I don't know what to tell him when he's 15. And I don't know that spending any time predicting is going to help me be responsive to it," he says. "What I'm learning, more and more, is that if I'm just present with him, I can figure out what's happening with him and how to respond."
Braden Bell, a father, grandfather, and teacher, applauds that approach.
"I'm not sure you could have better parenting advice for any age than that," Braden says. "Be present and engaged, full stop." So much over-parenting, he notes, results from parents acting on their fears, instead of responding to the present moment.
Evolving expectations for fathers
Like many dads, Braden and Andy are both grappling with society's evolving expectations of dads. Not that long ago, dads were expected to be breadwinners and disciplinarians. Today, fathers are involved, active parents who develop (and treasure) intimate relationships with their children. Societal shifts (such as the increasing prevalence of paternity leave) support these changes -- which research shows is good for kids, dads, moms, and society at large.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, Andy & Braden discuss:
Cultural stereotypes of fathers
Supporting fathers
Talking to boys about fatherhood
How media depictions of dads have changed
Dads' experience of fatherhood
How staying present can decrease parental stress & anxiety - & improve parenting
Supporting father involvement in schools & education
Appreciating father-style parenting
Father fears
How dads develop intimacy
The power of paternity leave
Fathers supporting fathers
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Parent-Teacher Conference: A Teacher-Dad on Parenting Teens -- Braden's newsletter
Dads Speak on Father's Day -- ON BOYS episode
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen
Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-course Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Michael Ian Black Discusses “A Better Man” | 09 Jun 2022 | 00:34:38 | |
Michael Ian Black shares some important and (mostly serious) thoughts about how to be a better man with his son -- and all of us -- in his book, A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son.
The question of raising good men seems all too significant as the United States (again) wrestles with the fact that nearly all mass shooters are male. But there is hope.
"Boys, in general, for all of our problems -- and we have them, & they are not insignificant -- are okay," Black says, "Boys, like girls, are resilient and strong and creative and adaptable, and need some attention, guidance, and love."
With support, he says, boys can move forward in positive and constructive ways. "Boyhood and manhood do not need to be reinvented," Black says. "It doesn't even need to be altered significantly. It needs to be enhanced and expanded."
Quien es Mas Macho?
To help you understand the limitations and rigidity of currently cultural constructions of masculinity, consider the old Saturday Night Live skit, Quien Es Mas Macho? The 1970s skit featured Bill Murray as a game show host, asking 2 contestants to choose decide which of 2 or more (very attractive, popular, masculine) Latino men were "mas macho," or more macho?
Sounds silly -- and it is, because the premise is ridiculous: the contestant are being asked to choose between people who are all stereotypically macho. But what makes it funny, Black explains, is that we can play that game -- what's more macho? -- with any 2 random items or people, and we all nearly instantaneously know the "answer."
(Try it: What's more macho? Coffee or tea? A German shepherd or a poodle? Butter or margarine?)
Most boys are fluent in our shared cultural vocabulary around masculinity by age 5. And when boys deviate from those expectations, they understand they're running a risk of being portrayed as more girl-ish, Black says.
"If we step in the wrong place, we risk being mocked and teased," he says.
To help our boys become better men, we need to work on ourselves so we can become the kind of person we want them to. We also need to "listen to them, and treat them with respect," Black says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michael discuss:
Expanding boyhood and the definitions & expectations of masculinity
How the day-to-day work of parenting helps shape our boys
Achievement gaps between boys and girls
Helping boys become their full selves
How the death of Michael's dad affected him
Role-modeling
"Rules" of masculinity
Class clowns
Listening to our boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
The Boys Are Not All Right -- Michael's viral NYT article
A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son, by Michael Ian Black
michaleianblack.org -- Michael's website (includes a link to his tour schedule & upcoming shows)
Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings -- BuildingBoys post by Jen (mentioned at 7:29)
In Praise of the Class Clown -- Building Boys post (mentioned at 24:54)
Mathew Blades on Healing Generational Trauma -- ON BOYS podcast about how to look at/deal with your own "stuff," so you can be the kind of person you want your kid to be
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Britt Hawthorne on Raising Antiracist Children | 02 Jun 2022 | 00:54:16 | |
Britt Hawthorne, a mom of 2 boys and author Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, says that raising antiracist kids requires teaching them to identify unfairness.
It includes incorporating an anti-bias lens when doing, well, almost anything. Britt's oldest son was about 12 years old when his homework required him to imagine he was a colonist in Jamestown or Plymouth and write a letter to relatives back home in England. The boy completed the work as assigned, but his mom took it a bit farther.
"Who do you think this assignment is centering?" she asked. "Who had cousins in England in 1620?" Forced labor and human trafficking was ongoing and common at the time; the lesson contained no mention of either of those things. "I wonder," she said to her, "what information is left out of this story?"
We can all help our kids learn to identify unfairness and erasure. And we can show them how to take action and drive change.
You can start by challenging and changing your language. Consider using "people of the global majority" instead of "BIPOC" or "people of color;" after all, at least 80% of the humans on this planet are not white.
In this episode, Janet, & Britt discuss:
Diversity, justice, & systemic inequities
Responding to racist behavior in the classroom (and elsewhere)
Educational racism
Choosing homeschooling when available education options aren't serving your kids
Challenging and expanding lessons, assignments, and narratives that only focus one group
Embracing differences
Answering kids' tough questions
Differentiating between "uncomfortable" and "unsafe" -- & learning to lean into uncomfortable
Language shifts that can help decenter white-ness (Example: "people of the global majority" instead of "BIPOC" or "people of color')
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide -- Britt's book
britthawthorne.com -- Britt's website (includes links to her blog, antiracism workshops, & lots of free info)
Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard -- ON BOYS episode
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen
Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-course Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Teens and Sleep with Lisa Lewis | 26 May 2022 | 00:48:17 | |
Sleep is as important to our teens as our toddlers.
But ensuring a teenage boy gets the sleep he needs is even more difficult than convincing a toddler to nap that day after you move him from the crib to a toddler bed. Teen boys are even more strong-willed than toddlers -- and most are bigger and stronger than us too. Add in school schedules that are totally out-of-sync with teens' circadian rhythms and the ever-present pull of screens and social media and it's easy to see why most teens aren't getting nearly enough sleep.
And though some teens (and adults) consider "getting by" on little sleep a badge of honor, "There are no benefits to being sleep-deprived. There is nothing you do better when you're sleep-deprived," says Lisa L. Lewis, author of The Sleep-Deprived Teen: Why are Teens are So Tired, and How Parents and Schools Can Help Them Thrive.
The biological truth is that teens need more sleep than adults. Adults need 7-9 hours of sleep per night for good health; teens, 8-10 hours. Sleeping in on the weekend can help -- but not as a long-term strategy. Much smarter (& healthier) to consistently prioritize sleep.
"Carve out and guard time for sleep," Lisa says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Lisa discuss:
Shift in circadian rhythm during adolescence
How homework contributes to teen sleep loss
Sleep & mental health
Teen sleep needs
Should we let teens sleep in on weekends? Nap during the day?
Daylight savings time impact on sleep
Working with schools and state to develop healthier school start times
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
The Sleep-Deprived Teen: Why Our Teens are So Tired, and How Parents and Schools can Help Them Thrive -- Lisa's book
lisallewis.com -- Lisa's website
Boys & Body Image -- previous ON BOYS episode featuring Lisa
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
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| Uplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students | 10 Oct 2024 | 00:40:05 | |
Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools. That’s why David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing the needs of our most vulnerable populations helps ALL. “It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. “it’s important for us to reframe that focus so we can understand what we can do better.” Takeaways:
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Reclaiming Possibliity: An Intentional Focus on Black Boys This School Year — article by David Can We Talk? A Critical Examination of Cellphone Bans in Schools — article by David Black Boys Matter — ON BOYS episode Supporting Black Boys Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings) — ON BOYS episode Boys in School Task Force — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Avoila Use code ONBOYS to save 10% when you shop Avoila Nourishing Face Oil Sponsor Spotlight: Artifact Uprising 1st time buyers get 20% off (& returning customers get 15% off) with code ONBOYS Sponsor Spotlight: IXL The world’s most popular subscription-based learning site for K–12! Get 20% off at ixl.com/TODAY Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Dads, Boys, & Masculinity | 19 May 2022 | 00:41:30 | |
Dads need to help boys understand and shape masculinity.
In years past, fathers were often "there, but not there," according to Craig Wilkinson, a dad of two and founder of Father a Nation, a South African nonprofit that addresses gender-based violence, crime and fatherlessness by restoring and equipping men to be nation-builders, fathers and role models. Dads focused on providing for their families, as that's what they were taught. They didn't engage emotionally because their parents didn't emotionally engage with them -- and because few people recognized fathers' role in the emotional development of children.
Now we know that fathers are critically important to their children's well-being -- to the world's well-being.
"Boys look to older men to model for them how to be a man," Craig says. The question boys are often asking (whether they verbalize it or not) is Am I man enough? Do I have what it takes? When boys aren't taught to harness their strength and drives, they may behave in ways that harm themselves and others. But "if a boy is seen and validated...and taught to use his drives and his strengths for good, there's no need for him to hurt himself or misuse his strength in any way," Craig says.
Consistently "being there" for our boys is key.
"If they consistently know you are there and the door's open, they will come," Craig says. "They will come." Parents, he says, need to "Be there. Be present, be engaged, be there."
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Craig discuss:
The changing role of fathers
Finding male mentors
What boys and girls need from dads
Counteracting mixed messages about masculinity
Supporting boys through puberty
How moms can facilitate father/son relationships
Signaling your availability to your son (even if you don't live with him)
Making micro-connections
A human-first approach
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
craigwilko.com -- Craig's website; includes links to his books
Father a Nation -- includes link to free online course, No Excuse for Abuse: Why Gender-Based Violence Happens and How We Can Stop It
The 12 Dad Verbs
Mathew Blades on Healing Generational Trauma -- ON BOYS podcast
Love Bridges: Why Moments of Micro-Connection Matter, by Maggie Dent
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Sponsor Spotlight: Q for Quinn
Sensory-friendly organic cotton socks for kids (and grown-ups!)
Use the ONBOYS coupon code to SAVE 10% off your order
Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen
Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-course Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| The Gender Equation in Schools | 12 May 2022 | 00:45:18 | |
Gender bias affects boys’ experience in schools.
It’s most often unconscious and unintentional bias but it affects how our boys see themselves and how they feel about school and learning. And until we admit that fact and grapple with the gender equation in schools, things aren’t going to get much better.
Educator Jason Ablin learned that lesson the hard way. Early in his teaching career, he assumed he was doing a great job connecting with students of all genders. An in-depth, in-classroom evaluation, though, helped him see that he disciplined his male students more harshly -- "which, ironically," he says "reinforced the messages they were receiving about manhood, versus providing them with a different paradigm of how to open up and express frustration or vulnerability."
The need for gender-aware education has perhaps never been greater, but too many people, Ablin says, forget that gender affects boys as well.
"When I go into schools and mention the word 'gender,' there are two assumptions that are made immediately," he says. "One, that we're talking about girls and feminism. Two, that we're talking about LBGTQ kids. That's all extremely important, but it limits our ability to address the concerns of teachers in the classroom who are struggling to connect with and teach kids."
Boys, meanwhile, frequently feel like they're "never winning," Ablin says -- which, in some boys, can escalate into reactive behavior. Other boys fall into a depressive spiral. ALL boys need the adults around them to recognize their need to be seen. Without this support, boys often create social hierarchies based on dominance; these hierarchies frequently perpetuate unhealthy forms of masculinity.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Jason discuss:
How gender affects student/teacher interactions
Helping boys succeed in school
The boy crisis in education
The "kept prince" phenomenon
Disciplining boys
Boys and mental health
Boys' social hierarchies
How parents can encourage change in schools
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
ablineducation.com -- Jason's website (includes preview chapter of his book)
The Gender Equation in Schools: How to Create Equity and Fairness for All Students -- Jason's book
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Sponsor Spotlight: Q for Quinn
Sensory-friendly organic cotton socks for kids (and grown-ups!)
Use the ONBOYS coupon code to SAVE 10% off your order
Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen
Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-course Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| Finding Ecohappiness | 05 May 2022 | 00:38:42 | |
Finding ecohappiness can decrease boys' anxiety levels and increase family harmony.
There's a strong -- and direct -- link between time in nature and mental health. Human beings require nature exposure for optimal physical and mental health. Of course, that's easier to say than to achieve in modern life, when many of us live in urban environments and use screens to work, learn, and socialize.
But there are fun ways to integrate nature exposure with daily life, says Sandi Schwartz, founder of the Ecohappiness Project and author of Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer.
"A huge study came out a couple years ago that said, all you really need is 120 minutes a week connecting to nature. So that's about 20 minutes a day," Sandi says. "You an build a nature habit by looking at your family's routine and tweaking it. Can you walk somewhere for an errand? Eat outside? Do homework or an art project outside?"
Such slight changes can make a big difference in boys' (and parents'!) moods and functioning. Research also shows that nature stimulates human creativity, productivity, and curiosity.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Sandi discuss:
Definition of ecohappiness
Link between nature & mental health
How to sneak in nature time -- and bring nature into your home
Helping kids (and parents) feel comfortable in nature
Adding in free play
Making time to experience ecohappiness
Teens and nature
Citizen science
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and Calmer, by Sandi Schwartz
EcohappinessProject.com -- Sandi's website (includes quiz & link to FREE 30-day Echohappiness Challenge Calendar)
Picky Eaters, Family Meals, and Nutrition -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 29:22)
Richard Louv on Animals, Nature, & Boys -- ON BOYS episode
Need help with your boys?
Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy
Sponsor Spotlight: Q for Quinn
Sensory-friendly organic cotton socks for kids (and grown-ups!)
Use the ONBOYS coupon code to SAVE 10% off your order
Our Sponsors: * Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||