Explore every episode of the podcast On Attachment
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| #154: 4 Reasons You Keep Attracting Situationships | 27 Aug 2024 | 00:20:56 | |
In today's episode, we’re exploring the common patterns and beliefs that lead people into situationships — those ambiguous, frustrating "almost-relationships" that never quite become something more.
If you’re tired of finding yourself in situationships, this episode will help you identify the underlying beliefs and behaviors contributing to the pattern. You'll learn practical steps to start attracting the kind of relationship you truly want. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #153: 3 Tips for Avoidant Attached People to Experience Healthier Conflict | 20 Aug 2024 | 00:15:33 | |
This week, we're talking all about how avoidant attached people can experience conflict in a healthier, more productive way. I'll be sharing three tips that will allow you to feel more connected, grounded and in control in the way you approach conflict in your relationship. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #144: Why You Struggle to Let Go After a Break-Up (Even When They Were "Bad" For You) | 18 Jun 2024 | 00:16:11 | |
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why you might struggle to let go of someone after a break-up - especially in circumstances where you logically know that they were "bad" for you. This is such a common experience, particularly for those with anxious attachment - feeling pulled in two different directions between what you know is best vs what your body and attachment system is urging you to do.
If you're going through a break-up, check out my Higher Love break-up course (& save 50% with the code HEYBABY). Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #54: From Honeymoon Period to Power Struggle: Navigating the Stages of Relationship | 08 Mar 2023 | 00:21:52 | |
In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and infatuation) to the power struggle (where all our flaws and wounds come to the fore).
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #53: "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?" | 02 Mar 2023 | 00:15:06 | |
In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #52: 6 Tips for Avoidant People in Becoming More Secure | 28 Feb 2023 | 00:23:06 | |
In today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships. We cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #51: How to Initiate Hard Conversations with an Avoidant Partner | 23 Feb 2023 | 00:18:06 | |
In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries, how to share feedback. These conversations are already intimidating for many anxiously attached folks, and when combined with the sensitivities of the avoidant partner, can be a perfect storm. We cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #50: Navigating Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships | 22 Feb 2023 | 00:20:58 | |
In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic selves.
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #49: "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." | 16 Feb 2023 | 00:13:25 | |
In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, so don't beat yourself up if you're in this situation (or have been there in the past!)
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #48: 5 Questions to Assess the Emotional Health of Your Relationship | 14 Feb 2023 | 00:18:18 | |
In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional health & safety in relationships. If you've ever wondered what "emotional safety" actually means, look no further - we'll be discussing some guiding principles and questions you can ask to assess how emotionally healthy your relationship is. And most importantly, what you can do to improve the emotional state of your relationship - because let's face it, this is going to be a work in progress for most of us. We cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #47: "We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?" | 09 Feb 2023 | 00:13:04 | |
"We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?" Today's episode is a community Q&A, and I'm answering a hard question about rebuilding after discovering a breach of trust. We'll talk through:
Recommended resources
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #46: 5 Tips for Rebuilding After a Long-Term Relationship Ends | 07 Feb 2023 | 00:20:36 | |
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tips for rebuilding after a long-term relationship ends. Let's face it: break-ups are painful at the best of times. But when the relationship was a long-term one, it can be even more challenging to navigate our "new" life without our ex in it. I'll be sharing tips to support you through the life cycle of your break-up - from the initial grieving process all the way through to re-entering the dating world. We cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #45: "How do I tell my partner they are avoidant so we can do the work?" | 02 Feb 2023 | 00:15:49 | |
In this episode, I'm answering a question I receive all the time which is: "How do I tell my partner they are avoidant so that we can start doing the work?" We cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #143: Navigating Conflicting Needs for Togetherness & Separateness in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships | 05 Jun 2024 | 00:15:29 | |
In today's episode, we're exploring the tension between the conflicting needs for time together and time apart that can so often become a source of friction in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #44: 5 Reasons You Might Struggle to Apologise | 31 Jan 2023 | 00:16:47 | |
In this episode, we're talking all about apologies - and specifically, why they might feel so hard sometimes. Being able to apologise is so fundamental to healthy repair, but for many of us, can feel inexplicably challenging. After listening to today's episode, my hope is that you'll have greater clarity around why apologies can feel so hard, and how to address the underlying resistance so you can foster greater connection and emotional maturity in your relationships. What we cover:
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #43: "How do I navigate the tendency to lose myself in a long-term relationship as anxiously attached person?" | 26 Jan 2023 | 00:10:44 | |
In this week's Q&A episode, I'm answering a community question about the (very common) tendency to lose oneself as an anxiously attached person in relationships. I'll talk through why this happens so often and easily, and what you can do to counter it. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #42: 5 Similarities Between Anxious & Avoidant People | 23 Jan 2023 | 00:27:34 | |
We often speak about the many ways in which anxious and avoidantly attached people differ in their relationship styles. But in this episode, I'm flipping the script and highlighting some similarities between these so-called conflicting styles. We cover relationship fears, boundaries, vulnerability, conflict and more - and my hope is that you'll walk away with a greater capacity to approach yourself and the people in your life with curiosity and compassion. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #41: Is It Possible to Go from Anxious to Avoidant after Heartbreak? | 19 Jan 2023 | 00:10:03 | |
In this episode, I'm answering the community question of "I used to be anxiously attached, but after discovering my husband's infidelity, I find myself being avoidant with potential new partners. How do I find the healthy middle ground?" We talk about changing attachment styles, fear, betrayal and how we can start to create more safety more ourselves after we've been hurt. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #40: 5 Pieces of Unhelpful Relationship Advice (& What to do Instead) | 17 Jan 2023 | 00:24:28 | |
It's easy to feel overwhelmed and confused with the vast amounts of (often-conflicting) relationship advice going around - which is why in this week's episode, I'm calling out 5 pieces of unhelpful relationship advice, as well as some more constructive alternatives. I'll give my take on common advice like "never settle", "you have to love yourself first", and "when you find the one, you'll just know!". Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #39: 5 Pieces of Life Advice for 2023 | 30 Dec 2022 | 00:16:16 | |
In our last episode of 2022, I'm sharing 5 pieces of life advice to help you enter 2023 with intention, inspiration and clarity around who you want to be and what you want to create in your life. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #38: The 3 Stages of Healing Anxious Attachment | 14 Dec 2022 | 00:21:13 | |
In this week's episode, I'm sharing a trend I notice in people with anxious attachment as they move through their healing journey. I'm sharing my observation of three key "stages" or mindsets that people typically fall into, and which mindset will set you up for the most success in meaningfully shifting your anxious attachment style. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #37: Anxious Attachment & Inconsistency | 06 Dec 2022 | 00:24:01 | |
In this week's episode, we're talking all about anxious attachment & inconsistency. Inconsistency is a real point of sensitivity for anxiously attached folks, and we'll be talking through what that can look like, where it comes from, and some tools and reframes to support you in navigating the ebbs & flows of relationships from a more secure base. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #36: Q&A: Healing Anxious Attachment, How to Manage Texting Anxiety, Identifying & Expressing Needs, & Dealing w/ Boundaries from Avoidant Partners | 29 Nov 2022 | 00:25:27 | |
This week is a Q&A-style episode, where I'm answering your questions all about anxious attachment! We'll cover what it actually means to "heal" anxious attachment, how to manage anxiety around texting someone, how to identify and express needs as an anxiously attached person, and how to deal with being on the receiving end of an avoidant partner's boundaries. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #35: 5 Tips for Dealing with Regret & Self-Blame | 22 Nov 2022 | 00:15:25 | |
In this week's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips to help you process feelings of regret, shame and self-blame about things that may have happened in your past relationships. Regret can be so crippling, but it can also present us with a powerful opportunity - to reflect, to learn, and to do better next time - and today's tips are going to help you make the most of your regret rather than letting it get the better of you. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #142: 5 Signs You Struggle With Receiving | 29 May 2024 | 00:17:43 | |
In today's episode, we're talking all about receiving. For many of us, being the giver in our relationships is our comfort zone - which can lead to imbalances, unmet needs, and resentment. But while we may bemoan the lack of reciprocity in our relationships, there is a vulnerability to receiving that many of us are uncomfortable with.
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #34: "What If I Outgrow My Partner?" | 15 Nov 2022 | 00:20:26 | |
Today's episode is exploring the topic of what to do if you want to heal & grow... but your partner doesn't. This can be a really challenging experience, and is particularly common for those in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. Fortunately, this doesn't have to mark the beginning of the end of your relationship - and in this episode, I'm sharing some mindset shifts and tips so that you can focus on your growth and trust that the rest will take care of itself. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #33: What Causes an Insecure Attachment Style? | 08 Nov 2022 | 00:20:51 | |
In this episode, we're unpacking some of the common origin stories of each insecure attachment style. We'll look at what causes anxious attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment and disorganised/fearful avoidant attachment, with a particular focus on early childhood and family systems. Key themes discussed include inconsistency, emotional neglect, and chaotic home environments, and how each of these can shape the attachment blueprint of a child. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #32: Q&A: Dishonesty & Avoidant Partners, Boundaries Around Space, Trust & Privacy, Sexual Rejection & more | 01 Nov 2022 | 00:16:35 | |
In this week's episode I'm answering your questions - with a particular focus on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics. We're discussing why people with an avoidant attachment style might use evasiveness or dishonesty as a distancing strategy, how to communicate boundaries around space with an avoidant partner, how to navigate trust & privacy, how to approach the topic of exclusivity in early dating, and what to do when your partner rejects your sexual advances. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #31: 5 Tips to Improve Your Relationship Communication Skills | 25 Oct 2022 | 00:16:53 | |
This week, I'm sharing 5 tips to improve your relationship communication skills. Communication is one of those areas of relationships where most of us are running on a less-than-ideal autopilot. Fortunately, you can learn new communication skills quickly and easily, so that you start seeing immediate returns on investment in your relationship. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #30: 6 Signs You're Becoming More Secure | 18 Oct 2022 | 00:18:55 | |
This week, we're diving into 6 signs that you're becoming more secure in your relationships. Often our attention is focused on what's wrong in our relationships - on where we need to be working to improve. So it's a refreshing change to be able to share with you some of the signs that the work is paying off, and you're becoming more grounded, confident and healthy in the way you relate to others and yourself. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #29: 5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth | 11 Oct 2022 | 00:15:34 | |
This week, we're talking all about self-worth. Self-worth is something I get asked about a lot - so I know how much people struggle with feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. To that end, I'm offering you 5 ways to start building up your self-worth so that you can feel more confident and comfortable in who you are and what you have to offer. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #28: 5 Signs You Need Better Boundaries | 04 Oct 2022 | 00:18:39 | |
When it comes to building healthy relationships, all roads lead back to boundaries. In this week's episode, I'm offering 5 signs that you might need better boundaries. The truth is, most people have poor boundaries - whether that looks like saying yes when you really mean no, taking responsibility for other people's problems or emotional states, burning yourself out or failing to follow through on the boundaries you do set, this episode will point you in the direction of where your focus needs to be. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #27: 5 Reasons You Might Be Attracted to Unavailable People | 28 Sep 2022 | 00:19:14 | |
In this week's episode, we're talking 5 reasons why you might be attracted to unavailable people. I'm constantly being asked the question of "Why do I attract unavailable people?" - but my response is always to ask instead "Why are you attracted to unavailable people?". We'll talk about negative core beliefs, family of origin dynamics, difficulty receiving support, saviour complexes, and more. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #26: Attachment & Sex Q&A: Casual Sex & Anxious Attachment, Sex in Toxic vs Healthy Relationships, & Talking About Sex w/ Avoidant Partners | 20 Sep 2022 | 00:23:40 | |
In this week's episode, I'm answering your questions around how attachment styles influence the way we relate to and experience sex. We talk about whether casual sex is a bad idea for anxiously attached people, why sex in toxic relationships can feel so much more exciting than in secure relationships, and how to talk to an avoidant partner about sex and sexual desires. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #25: 5 Dating Tips for Anxiously Attached People | 14 Sep 2022 | 00:19:41 | |
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 dating tips for anxiously attached people. Many anxiously attached people have a tough time in the dating process - becoming attached too quickly, overthinking, second-guessing, and having an uncanny ability to look past red flags and become invested in someone's potential. This episode will offer you some tips and guidelines to counter these very common patterns, so you can approach dating from a place of self-worth, self-respect and self-confidence. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #141: "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?" | 23 May 2024 | 00:21:47 | |
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the listener question of "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?" Wanting to change a partner is something most of us will relate to in one form or another, but it's essential that we understand where this urge is coming from and what it's trying to tell us about ourselves, our partner, and the relationship.
Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #24: Special Episode: Behind the Scenes of our Relationship (w/ my partner Joel) | 07 Sep 2022 | 00:36:27 | |
In this episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel to answer all of your questions about our relationship. We share everything from how we met to how we navigate conflict, our differing attachment styles and love languages, and what makes our relationship work. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #23: 5 Questions to Ask Before Getting Back with Your Ex | 30 Aug 2022 | 00:20:40 | |
In this episode, we're talking about whether it's a good idea to get back together with your ex - and under what circumstances. I offer you 5 questions for reflection before you make a decision, which will help you find clarity on whether it's really what you want or whether you are acting from fear, scarcity or unworthiness. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #22: 5 Reasons Why Anxiously Attached People Struggle with Break-ups | 24 Aug 2022 | 00:19:10 | |
If you're someone with an anxious attachment style, there's a good chance you've really struggled to cope with relationship break-ups at some point in your life. And while break-ups are hard across the board, anxiously attached people tend to have an especially hard time wading through this emotional experience. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #21: Break-Up Q&A: The "No-Contact" Period, Jealousy & Low Self-Worth, Feeling Blindsided, & Dating Mindset | 16 Aug 2022 | 00:26:47 | |
In this episode, I'm answering all your break-up related questions! We're covering whether and when to break a "no-contact" period, how to navigate jealousy and comparison around an ex's new partner, what to do when you feel blindsided by a break-up and have no closure, and more. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #20: How to Find Closure After a Break-Up | 09 Aug 2022 | 00:21:31 | |
In this week's episode, we're talking all things closure: what it is, why it's so elusive, and why certain people are more affected than others by an ending that lacks closure. I'll also share some tips on steps you can take if you're finding yourself wanting (but struggling to find) closure after a break-up, so you can take back control and let go with grace. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #19: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | 03 Aug 2022 | 00:15:33 | |
In this episode, we're diving into the challenging topic of how to know whether and when to walk away from a relationship that isn't working. I offer you five guiding questions that will lead you to greater clarity, insight and awareness in making the decision of whether to stay and keep trying, or whether it's time to go. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #18: Relationship Red Flags & Green Flags | 26 Jul 2022 | 00:21:32 | |
In this episode, I'm sharing with you 5 of the red flags that I see in relationships, along with their healthier, "green flag" alternatives. We'll talk through things like knowing where you stand with someone, communication of needs and concerns, trust and commitment, how integrated you are into each other's lives, and how you approach conflict (and repair). Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #17: 5 Differences Between the Fearful and Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Styles | 19 Jul 2022 | 00:18:40 | |
Ever wondered what differentiates the fearful avoidant and the dismissive avoidant attachment styles? In this episode, I'm breaking down 5 key differences between these two types. We cover things like level of emotional attunement, relationship to boundaries, shame and guilt, and openness to personal development work. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #16: Anxious Attachment, Conflict & Communication | 12 Jul 2022 | 00:21:06 | |
In this episode, we're talking about anxious attachment, conflict & communication. We'll dive into why anxiously attached people struggle with identifying and communicating their needs, how to navigate conflict aversion fuelled by a fear of abandonment, and tools to navigate communication and conflict in your relationship in a healthier, more adaptive manner so you can avoid the cycle of resentment and rupture. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #15: 5 Ways to Support an Anxiously Attached Partner | 04 Jul 2022 | 00:18:59 | |
In this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an anxiously attached partner. This is a follow-up to our previous episode which discussed how to support an avoidant partner. We'll discuss things like openness and transparency as an antidote to uncertainty, how to manage your need for space in relationship with an anxious person, how to give them reassurance and help them to feel loved, and more. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #140: How to Not Lose Yourself in a New Relationship | 14 May 2024 | 00:15:58 | |
Are you someone who tends to go from 0 to 100 at the start of a new relationship? In today's episode, we're exploring how to not lose yourself when you start dating someone new (although the advice also applies to people already in an established relationship who feel they've lost touch with themselves). This dynamic is particularly common among those with an anxious attachment style, who tend to become overly fixated on a connection at the expense of other areas of life. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #14: 5 Ways to Support an Avoidant Partner | 22 Jun 2022 | 00:20:33 | |
In this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an avoidant partner - so that you can cultivate greater understanding and connection, and build a safe, secure relationship. We'll touch on whether it's a good idea to tell your partner that they're avoidant, how to communicate your needs in a way that your partner can receive them, how not to communicate with an avoidant partner, and how your partner's love languages might differ from yours. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #13: How to Navigate the Fear of Rejection | 15 Jun 2022 | 00:14:57 | |
In this episode, we're diving into the fear of rejection. Rejection is something so many of us struggle with, but for some people it can be really debilitating. We'll discuss how to navigate the fear of rejection and how this fear interfaces with other behaviours like approval-seeking and chronic people-pleasing. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||
| #12: How to Set Boundaries | 01 Jun 2022 | 00:19:40 | |
In this episode, we're talking all things boundaries - what they are, what they aren't, how to figure out what your boundaries are and how to set and enforce them. We'll also discuss why boundaries are the antidote to people-pleasing, the saviour complex and burnout. Highlighted Links
Additional Resources
| |||