An exploration of the sometimes tumultuous relationship between mothers and daughters

Mentions:

• After 37 Years My Mother Apologizes for My Childhood by Sharon Olds https://www.writersalmanac.org/index.html%3Fp=7034.html
• Bloodroot: tracing the untelling of motherloss by Betsy Warland https://www.betsywarland.com/project/bloodroot-tracing-the-untelling-of-motherloss/

In this episode: different names for the moon, Earth Day mission statement, excerpts from an interview with Martín Prechtel by Derrick Jensen, a poem titled: Where Am I? (Strange World)

https://derrickjensen.org/dreams/martin-prechtel/

A glimpse into Alain de Botton's insightful book: The Course of Love (Simon & Schuster 2016) about a married couple's relationship struggles. Highly relatable!

Buy the book:

https://www.amazon.ca/Course-Love-Alain-Botton/dp/1501134515

Alain de Botton | The Course on Love

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj2m31gekYc

Did you know that according to market analysis reports, the global personal development market size was estimated at USD 43.77 billion in 2022 and is anticipated to grow at a compound annual growth rate of 5.5% to 2030. Are we better people I wonder as a result? Are we better listeners? 

Book Resource:

The Exquisite Risk by Mark Nepo https://marknepo.com/books_theexquisite.php

A message for listeners as we step into 2024 ..

Stop, be still, make room for the darkness

Links:

1. O Night: https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=778236623110531&set=a.573965980204264
2. Praise to the Holy Dark: https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=776085349992325&set=a.573965980204264
3. Dark Still by Stephen Jenkinson: https://orphanwisdom.com/2014/12/20/dark-still/

This episode reexamines the concepts of duty and obligation as referenced in Nonviolent Communication. Might there be merit in rehabilitating these terms and understanding them as a meaningful way to contribute to life?

"We don’t want people to do things out of obligation or duty, or out of guilt or shame, or to buy love. With some consciousness, I’m confident we would each see that we only want people to do things if they can do it willingly, because they clearly see how it’s going to enrich life if they do. Any other reason for doing things is likely to create conditions that make it harder for people in the future to behave in a compassionate way toward one another." —Marshall Rosenberg

The Nonviolent Communication Book of Quotes (PuddleDancer Press, Sept 2023) https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/product/the-nonviolent-communication-book-of-quotes/

In today's episode I speak with Dr. Joshua Coleman who is a recognized expert on the rapidly growing phenomenon of parental estrangement. He has written two books on the subject and provides ongoing support to parents, as well as grandparents, who struggle with being cut out of their adult children's lives.

In Dr. Coleman's words: "While there’s nothing especially modern about family conflict or a desire to feel insulated from it, conceptualizing the estrangement of a family member as an expression of personal growth as it is commonly done today is almost certainly new." (AEON Jan 2021 article)

A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement: https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/post/a-shift-in-american-family-values-is-fueling-estrangement

Dr. Coleman's website: https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/

This episode features an excerpt from a conversation with relationship coach Dolphin Kasper who invited me to his podcast The Better Relationship Podcast. The subject: our learned separation.

Link to full episode on The Better Relationship Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/47S67umOuttRTNWsuu5Cyw?si=BGVTS2ovQ5-g7cJm_PXrpw

Last week I shared Part 1 of a conversation I had with Sofie De Wulf, Outreach & Programs Coordinator for NVC Academy. Here is Part 2 of our conversation where Sofie and I discuss ecology, our relationship with nature, our lived separation from nature and from each other, how we speak about needs, as well as how people concretely benefit from learning Nonviolent Communication.

Learn more about the course I will be offering in Feb/Mar 2024 through the NVC Academy:

⁠https://nvcacademy.com/live-nvc-courses/video-conference/bridging-differences-2024

In this episode, I share a conversation I had recently with Sofie De Wulf, Outreach & Programs Coordinator for NVC Academy. NVC Academy offers hundreds of online courses and resources to learn Nonviolent Communication from home and they have invited me to present a course in February and March of 2024 titled Bridging Differences, Building Bonds: A Revolutionary Approach to Resolving Conflict. I enjoyed my conversation with Sofie so much that I'm sharing it here. This is part 1 of our conversation. Part 2 will be aired next week.

Learn more about the course I will be offering in Feb/Mar 2024:

https://nvcacademy.com/live-nvc-courses/video-conference/bridging-differences-2024

In this episode, I explore one of my all time favourite books by psychologist and author David Richo titled The Five Things We Cannot Change .. and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them. (Shambala Publications 2005)

Get the book:

https://www.amazon.com/Five-Things-Cannot-Change-Happiness/dp/1590303083

Thoughts on yesterday's solar eclipse and the act of people gathering in large numbers for an awe inspiring celestial event.

In this episode I share some of my own feelings, thoughts and wonderings after viewing "Investigating Buffy Sainte-Marie’s claims to Indigenous ancestry" produced by The Fifth Estate.

Links:

• Investigating Buffy Sainte-Marie’s claims to Indigenous ancestry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMsqCWNCUc4
• Buffy Sainte-Marie and who gets to claim Indigenous identity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cfq6j9_k0Jg

In this episode most of what listeners will hear are the words of Marshall Rosenberg curated from various sources and that speak directly to the dilemmas that human beings must wrestle with in the face of war. 

Resource links:

• The Sun Feb 2003 article: https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/326/beyond-good-and-evil 
• Inquiring Mind Fall 2004 article: https://inquiringmind.com/article/2101_4w_rosenberg-interview-with-marshall-rosenberg-the-traveling-peacemaker/ 
• NVC Marshall Rosenberg - San Francisco Workshop https://youtu.be/l7TONauJGfc

To learn more about adopting a life-centric approach to life and love, visit https://www.rachellelamb.com

Almost everyone fascinated with the inner workings of relationships is familiar with attachment theory. This episode invites listeners to wonder about the impact of their own childhood experiences.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Indigenous cultures the world over make it a daily practice to praise and appreciate the natural world. Such a practice would have the effect of keeping the natural world and the nature of our relationship with the natural world central to our awareness and to any decisions we make .. which in turn would deepen our connection with the natural world as well as with each other.

Resources:

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer: https://milkweed.org/book/braiding-sweetgrass

Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address: https://americanindian.si.edu/environment/pdf/01_02_Thanksgiving_Address.pdf

Video about the Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swJs2cGNwIU

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Do you ever wonder what it means to be a healthy person? This episode, following the September 30th Day of Truth and Reconciliation in Canada, explores the question of individual and collective health and highlights the work of retired Canadian assistant Crown Attorney Rupert Ross who has authored several books on Indigenous healing and justice.

Book reference:

Indigenous Healing: Exploring traditional paths by Rupert Ross ⁠https://www.amazon.ca/Returning-Teachings-Exploring-Aboriginal-Justice/dp/0143055593⁠

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episode explores aging in an anti-aging culture, where defying one's age and looking much younger than one's actual age is applauded and encouraged .. leaving old age to those who seemingly lack the good sense to enrol in the 'stay young forever' programs and consequently risk falling into oblivion.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

An episode that traces a connection between how humans understand their place in the world and the high levels of separation that plague humans in their interpersonal relationships with each other and with the world around them.

Mentions:

NeverLand with Stephen Jenkinson: https://youtu.be/4EF1rcbGxHE?si=aywpm5Ii1O6BCSTL

Life Enriching Education by Marshall Rosenberg: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/product/life-enriching-education/

My Name is Chellis and I'm in Recovery from Western Civilization by Chellis Glendinning https://newsociety.com/books/m/my-name-is-chellis-and-im-in-recovery-from-western-civilization

About Chief Oren Lyons: https://americanswhotellthetruth.org/portraits/oren-lyons/

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Based on the number of people who tuned into last weeks episode on Jordan Peterson and free speech, I thought this week would be a good time to explore the subject of offence and being offended.

Resources:

Author Irshad Manji: Worry Less about offending people and more about being able to take offence (3m YouTube video | https://youtu.be/yvavBpQZBnM?si=Spyks2qRgIV5XCRX)

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

On August 23rd, An Ontario court ruled against Jordan Peterson Wednesday, and upheld the regulatory body Ontario College of Psychologists decision, that he take social media training, a ruling that many consider to be a chilling development for the future of free speech for Canadians. 

This episode explores how this ruling may impact free speech in Canada.

References:

Peterson v. College of Psychologists of Ontario: https://www.ontariocourts.ca/scj/peterson-v-college-of-psychologists-of-ontario/

Ontario Court Rules Against Jordan Peterson: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/jordan-peterson-court-case-decision-1.6943845

Jordan Peterson's Tweets: https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/read-jordan-petersons-tweets-that-prompted-complaints-to-psychologists-college

Christine Van Geyn, Litigation director of the Canadian Constitution Foundation: https://nationalpost.com/opinion/jordan-peterson-losing-free-expression-case-puts-us-all-at-risk

Howard Levitt, Senior partner of Levitt Sheikh: https://financialpost.com/fp-work/jordan-peterson-ruling-empowers-woke-bodies-to-discipline-members

Dr. Shawn Whatley, past President of the Ontario Medical Association: https://troymedia.com/politicslaw/what-the-jordan-peterson-case-reveals-about-regulatory-colleges/

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/shawn-whatley-jordan-petersons-regulator-is-fighting-for-itself-not-patients

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

It's 'Back to School' time! This episode cites the words of author and teacher John Taylor Gatto as he provides readers with the troubling lessons that he teaches children as dictated by the US education system.

In Taylor Gatto's own words:

The first lesson I teach is confusion. 

The second lesson I teach is class position.

The third lesson I teach is indifference.

The fourth lesson I teach is emotional dependency.

The fifth lesson I teach is intellectual dependency.

The sixth lesson I teach is provisional self-esteem.

The seventh lesson I teach is that you can’t hide.

"Schools teach exactly what they are meant to teach and they do it well — how to be a good Egyptian and know your place in the pyramid."

—John Taylor Gatto

Resources:

• Educating our Children podcast episode Aug 30, 2022: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/rachelle-lamb/episodes/Educating-our-Children-e1n4mrs
• A Few Lessons They Won't Forget: The Disgrace of Modern Schooling by John Taylor Gatto: https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/186/a-few-lessons-they-wont-forget
• Books by John Taylor-Gatto: https://www.amazon.com/stores/John-Taylor-Gatto/author/B001K7S0AE?

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

"Even to think that we're separated from nature is somehow a thought thinking disorder. You can't be separated from nature." These are the words of the great Jungian psychologist James Hillman. Listen to this episode to hear more about how we're going crazy.

Referenced video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tAtDaO8Qdw

This episode focuses on the the 4th step of the NVC process which is REQUESTS; and in this episode, we explore the “connecting request”. Connecting requests anchor the conversation in the expression of feelings and needs. We either ask for the other person to reflect back our feelings and needs or we ask the other person to express their feelings and needs. Tune in to learn how a connecting request can deepen your conversations. 

Resources: 10 examples of connecting requests:

1. Would you be willing to tell me what you’re hearing me say? 
   
2. Can you tell me how you feel about what I’ve just said? 
   
3. Can you tell me what you’re hearing that’s so alive in me? 
   
4. Can you tell me what you’re hearing that I’m placing such a high value on in this moment? 
   
5. Can you tell me what comes up for you hearing what I’ve just said? 
   
6. Can you tell me how my words are landing for you? 
   
7. Can you reflect back to me what you’re hearing me say? 
   
8. I want to be sure I’m speaking clearly and am wondering if you’d help me out and let me know what you’re hearing right now? 
   
9. I want to be sure you’re not hearing blame or criticism and I’m wondering what you’re hearing? 
   
10. Can you tell me what’s stimulated in you hearing what I’ve said?  

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Developing skillfulness around conflict doesn’t mean that all relationships endure and that we live happily ever after, it does mean however that our way of being with each other can be less prone to being contaminated by poor communication habits .. those tragic reflexes mired in blame and hostility that are so unproductive. Developing skillfulness means learning conflict, learning what it asks of us and how to navigate its tricky mysterious terrain. 

Mentioned:

High Conflict by Amanda Ripley https://www.amandaripley.com/high-conflict

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

How does Nonviolent Communication help people to make clear observations? Do you know how to formulate an observation that you and those you’re engaged in conversation with can reasonably agree on? Can you describe what actually happened instead of your interpretation of it? Tune in to learn more.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episode reflects on the question: why is NVC practice so hard? Hint, hint: maybe it has something to do with the fact that many people find it incredibly frustrating and challenging to make the distinction between a NEED and a WANT?

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

In this episode, I share a story from a book published in 1992 titled Millennium: Tribal Wisdom and the Modern World written by anthropologist David Maybury-Lewis. As I consider this story, I encounter a different way of thinking, a vastly different orientation around what it means to live communally, to cooperate, to understand the world and one’s place in it.

The book: https://www.amazon.ca/Millennium-Tribal-Wisdom-Modern-World/dp/0670829358

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

We are each one of us entitled to our own opinions, viewpoints and paradigms .. so we say and so we're told. The thing is, our opinions, viewpoints and theories significantly shape and determine the choices we make and the lifestyles we strive towards .. and none of these, though intangible at the outset, are without consequence. Tune in to hear more ..

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

On today’s episode: Not all conflict is resolvable

Is is always possible for conflict to be effectively resolved? One of the things that drew me to Nonviolent Communication was the idea that conflict, when skillfully addressed, is always resolvable. I don’t remember when I stopped believing that all conflict can be resolved but I no longer believe it. And I continue to believe that, no matter how much NVC is applied to the process, some conflicts are unlikely to ever resolve. Tune in to hear more ..

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Welcome to Episode 1 of my 2nd year of podcasting! This is episode explores the question: should I end our relationship?

Inspiration:

Sweet Darkness by poet David Whyte https://onbeing.org/poetry/sweet-darkness/

Music: Unspoken by Luke Wieting (Audiosocket/Canva)

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

So today is episode 52 .. a whole year of podcasting! So what to talk about on this episode? In last week’s episode Our modern obsession with comfort, I read from Jean Liedloff’s book The Continuum Concept. The truth is, there was more I wanted to read from her book but I decided to reserve it for another episode .. today’s episode! I hope you'll join me as we go fetch water with a group of Yequana women.

Resources:

The Continuum Concept: Allowing Human Nature to Work Successfully by Jean Liedloff: https://continuumconcept.org/

Earlier episodes referencing Liedloff’s Continuum Concept:

• Reflections on autonomy and belonging (published July 26th 2022) https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/nvc-life-with-rachelle-lamb/id1633019308?i=1000571204616
• Our modern obsession with comfort (published June 20th 2023) 

The Trade (a poem): https://youtu.be/gUN60T7O_kE

Quote from D.H. Lawrence: "Oh what a catastrophe, what a maiming of love when it was made a personal, merely personal feeling, taken away from the rising and setting of the sun, and cut off from the magic connection of the solstice and equinox. This is what is the matter with us. We are bleeding at the roots, because we are cut off from the earth and sun and stars, and love is a grinning mockery, because, poor blossom, we plucked it from its stem on the tree of life and expected it to keep on blooming in our civilized vase on the table.”

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episode explores modern culture’s obsession with comfort, including its relatives: ease, convenience and efficiency.

Questions for reflection:

• Where did you inherit your ideas about comfort?
• How does the strong need for comfort, ease, convenience direct your thinking, your biases, your choices?
• How does our modern obsession with comfort impact our capacity to be human, to belong to a place, and to live in accord with life itself?

Resources:

The Continuum Concept: Allowing Human Nature to Work Successfully by Jean Liedloff: https://continuumconcept.org/

Earlier episode referencing Liedloff’s Continuum Concept:Reflections on autonomy and belonging (published July 26th 2022) https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/nvc-life-with-rachelle-lamb/id1633019308?i=1000571204616

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Meeting Marshall Rosenberg was life changing for me. It completely altered my way of seeing and understanding the world as well as how I interacted with others.

A few weeks ago, a listener reached out to me with a question around the link between epigenetics and NVC.

Reference was made to a TEDtalk given by Professor Moshe Szyf in 2016 who is recognized as a pioneering geneticist and researcher at McGill University. The title of his talk was: Epigenetics - our bodies' way to change the destiny written in our DNA (https://youtu.be/SrqmuYvk3iQ | 17m)

This episode explores NVC teachings on feelings, their source, and their impact.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

It could be said, that in spite of the fact that many of us living in today’s modern world experience longer lives, greater affluence and far more safety than our ancestors did, it doesn’t register as good fortune in our minds. While it's probable that something is missing and that something isn’t quite right from our lives, it's probably not safety.

This episode is an exploration into the need for safety and makes reference to an earlier episode published in Oct 2022:

• On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2oUOH0NM3ugEYmcNFjKwNK?si=DnN-wgjaRfeDeeELyykr6A
• On Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/nvc-life-with-rachelle-lamb/id1633019308?i=1000582267125

Poem .. Who Is This I: https://www.facebook.com/poetess.RachelleLamb/photos/pb.100027726027079.-2207520000./3270598249679403/

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episode asks the question: How can we possibly know what we need when we're so disconnected from the natural world that we are so dependant on?

"Our society is made up of vast numbers of traumatized individuals, and our culture has come into being through universally traumatizing process." —Chellis Glendinning

"We've had a hundred years of analysis, and people are getting more and more sensitive, and the world is getting worse and worse. Maybe it's time to look at that." —James Hillman

Episode resources:

• Book by psychologist Chellis Glendinning: https://newsociety.com/books/m/my-name-is-chellis-and-im-in-recovery-from-western-civilization
• We've had a Hundred Years of Psycho-Therapy and the World's Getting Worse by James Hillman and Michael Ventura: https://www.amazon.ca/Hundred-Years-Psychotherapy-Worlds-Getting/dp/0062506617

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

In this episode, I have the privilege of introducing you to renowned storyteller and mythologist, Dr. Martin Shaw. Dr Shaw was born and raised in England and is author of seventeen books, including "A Branch from the Lightning Tree: Ecstatic Myth and the Grace of Wildness”, ”Snowy Tower: Parzival and the Wet, Black Branch of Language,” and “Scatterlings, Getting Claimed in the age of Amnesia” Each book showcases Shaw's unique ability to weave together ancient wisdom, poetic language, and a deep understanding of the human psyche. Eric Utne, founder of the Utne Reader says of Martin: “Martin Shaw is a conjurer, a 13th century troubadour dropped in our midst. He breathes into his characters a beating pulse, agile speech and bedazzling wit. Catch him anyway you can.”

Shaw recently completed a 2 week tour across Canada and I had the great pleasure of spending time with him at his final stop in Victoria BC before his return to the UK. Martin graciously agreed to join me in a conversation on my podcast. I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did! 

Where to find Dr. Martin Shaw:

• Dr. Martin Shaw’s website: https://drmartinshaw.com/
• The Westcountry School of Myth .. an unrivalled immersion into myth, wilderness and soul: https://schoolofmyth.com 

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Following last week's episode on Borderline Personality Disorder, this episode explores one of the more effective treatments for the condition: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (aka DBT) developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan.

Resources:

• Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir by Dr. Marsha Lineman, https://www.amazon.com/Building-Life-Worth-Living-Memoir/dp/0812984994/ref=sr_1_5
• Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship by Dr. Shari Manning, https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075/ref=sr_1_1
• BorderlinerNotes, a mental health channel focused on personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The channel started as a way to make use of extra interview footage from the documentary film BORDERLINE (watch at borderlinethefilm.com). It has grown into a continued effort to offer information to people that might help them get a proper diagnosis and good treatment, as well as a place where clinicians and those working in the mental health field can learn to be better treaters. The goal is to democratize access to quality information, create positive change in the mental health field, and to do it artfully and with feeling. https://www.youtube.com/@BorderlinerNotes/featured

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month, and while many people may believe that their lives are not touched by this disorder, the chances are even higher that you know someone who is either diagnosed or undiagnosed with borderline personality disorder, also known as BPD. This episode aims to reduce stigma and raise awareness on a painful condition that people can recover from when they are able to recognize symptoms and receive proper treatment.

Resources:

1. Why Borderline Personality Disorder is Misdiagnosed, Dr. Alan Fruzzetti, https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/October-2017/Why-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-is-Misdiagnose
2. Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change, Valerie Porr, MA, https://www.tara4bpd.org/overcoming-bpd-a-family-guide
3. The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating, Kiera Van Gelder, https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/7192753

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Within the NVC framework, being right is not a need. But it sure feels like it doesn’t it! It can feel like there’s absolutely no other option, and in that sense it can feel very much like a basic necessity in the same way the need for food, air and water are needs.

Mention:

Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ, by Daniel Goleman (1995)

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Tune into Part 2 of a conversation I had several months ago with Melissa Schwartz from The Shift Network and ⁠https://leadingedgeparenting.com⁠. Part 1 of the conversation was posted last week on April 18th.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Tune into Part 1 of a conversation I had several months ago with Melissa Schwartz from The Shift Network and https://leadingedgeparenting.com. Melissa invited me to be a featured speaker in the 2022 Empaths, Sensitives & Intuitives Summit. We had a lively conversation about Nonviolent Communication which I thought subscribers to my podcast would enjoy hearing. The conversation kicks off with Melissa asking me about applying NVC in real life.

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episode examines "enemy images" and how the practice of Nonviolent Communication is so effective in transforming those negative and destructive images into a language that can facilitate connection across differences.

"To create the world that exemplifies our values, we need to liberate ourselves from enemy images — the thinking that says there is something wrong with the people whose actions or values we don’t agree with. Whether our enemy images are with politicians, individuals with religions convictions different from our own, leaders of the corporate world, or our neighbors next door, lasting social change isn’t possible until we learn how to transform these enemy images."

—Marshall Rosenberg, PhD., Speak Peace in a World of Conflict (PuddleDancer Press, 2005)

https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/resources/articles-about-nvc/transforming-enemy-images/

Also included in the episode is reference to the book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships by author John Welwood: http://www.johnwelwood.com/perfectlove.htm

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Nonviolent Communication is often described as a process that, when put into practice, can support people to live in a world where everyone’s needs matter and are met through natural compassionate giving. Is this even possible?

Mentions:

• A Balanced Understanding of NEEDS https://www.rachellelamb.com/blog/a-balanced-understanding-of-needs

• NonViolent Communication as an Evolutionary Imperative-An Interview with Marshall Rosenberg https://alternativesmagazine.com/29/rosenberg.html

This episode explores the impact of questions in a relationship .. how we ask questions, how we respond to them, how we welcome or resist them.

Some questions to reflect on:

• Where is my question actually coming from? Do I really want to better understand the other person? Or do I really want empathy? Do I want to make them wrong? Or do I want to experience greater control and less uncertainty to lower my anxiety?    What’s driving my question?
• Why do I feel so threatened by my partner’s questions? Do I have a story running in my head that they are trying to find fault with me? (Which may be accurate by the way) Or that they want to know more much more about me than I am ready to reveal? Either way, how might I discuss this with my partner in a matter that deepens respect for our differences? 
• Why do I feel a need to press my partner  with questions that he or she clearly doesn’t want to answer?
• Are the question I’m asking or hearing somehow threatening or overly probing?
• What am I hiding? What don’t I want my partner to know about me?
• How much do I ultimately trust or not trust my partner?
• Humans are complex and at times full of contradiction. There are some parts of myself that on the one hand I genuinely want to share with another person, and yet on the other hand I feel too afraid to share. Why is that? What purpose does it serve? And in what ways does it interfere with me having full and meaningful relationships?

Ending quote:

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.” —Rainer Maria Rilke

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This week’s episode explores this years Oscar winner for Best Documentary Short Film: The Elephant Whisperers streaming on Netflix.

Why this film is so important: in only 40 minutes, this film invites us into the world of 2 individuals who live a life of devotion and service to the land that they have been born to, to the creatures that live there and in this case specifically, to 2 elephants who would not have survived without their care and commitment. It is a story of deep love for nature and for life, it teaches lessons of what is means to live with enough, to not take more than what is needed, to maintain traditions, to live with gratitude, to make a place for ceremony, to see God in the world, to remember our dead by loving what’s alive, to teach the next generation how to do the same. This is a beautiful film about all our relations .. a live example of people’s capacity to attend to the living needs of the world and to be in love with life as they care for life.  

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

Welcome spring! Some thoughts on belonging to a place and what that means in the context of our human needs.

Mentions:

"The word irreality in this book is not intended to signify what is usually meant by unreal, not real, or ethereal. Irreality is used to denote the very common strange and unfortunate collective condition whereby an utterly unhealthy, non-same, unnatural, totally synthetic, technologically choreographed environment with no awareness or regard for the Holy in Nature becomes the cultural environment of a people, who without questioning it, live in its trance, accepting it all as perfectly normal.

This is not unreal because it most certainly tangibly exists, but this neurotic human-centred mess is irreal because its “reality” is man-made and of no use to the organic human soul: it is an irreality."

—Martín Prechtel, The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic: The Parallel Lives of People as Plants: Keeping the Seeds Alive (2012)

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle

This episodes explores the importance of becoming aware of negative patterns of relating. 

Questions for reflection:
What am I afraid of?
What am I trying to protect?
What is familiar to me about this exchange?
What early memories are stirred?
What really matters to me?
What do I ultimately want? 

Mentions:
Eckhart Tolle: How the Pain-Body Affects Relationships  https://youtu.be/5jSpDZVM1WE

If you have comments about this episode or topics you'd like me to explore in future episodes, please submit them here:   https://www.rachellelamb.com/contact-rachelle