The emotionally abusive relationship is confusing and draining. If you don't get a grip on what's going on, you may start to believe perhaps you are the problem and they are a saint. Let's fix that faulty thinking. 

If you've ever questioned how to forgive yourself for choosing your own well-being over an abusive partner, you're not alone. If you're feeling guilt or shame for leaving an abusive person, this is an important episode to listen to. 

Love can feel like a double-edged sword, cutting deep despite the tender moments. Or is that really love? Caring and kindness mixed with toxic, controlling behaviors create a dangerous emotional cocktail of bonding and trauma. 

Simple incompatibilities are common in relationships, but what happens when they lead to emotionally abusive behavior? In this episode, I talk about the potential for hurtful and controlling behavior from someone who may not be able to accept your incompatibilities. They don't want you to be you, they want you to be an extension of them.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at https://loveandabuse.com

Every now and then someone you care about makes a mistake and says or does something to make you feel bad. These one-offs are forgivable. They could be having a bad day or perhaps they just had a lot of pent up energy they needed to release and you were just an unlucky target. But what about when bad behaviors are repeated over and over again? You could be looking at an emotionally abusive relationship and it might be time to take a stand for your own worth and well-being.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

What happens when you create a show about abusive behavior? You hear from people that aren't happy that they are being called out on that behavior. On today's episode, I read a letter from someone that thinks I'm dangerous and should find other things to do with my time. This is a special episode for both the abuser and the victim.

For more episodes, visit https://loveandabuse.com

When the toxic relationship has worn you down and taken away your ability to even think clearly, let alone chiseled away at any confidence and mental strength you had left, it's time to pivot your trajectory to rebuild yourself and make healthy decisions.

Visit loveandabuse.com for more episodes

We can spend so much time hoping the other person will change so that our life will be better, but we end up missing out on a lot of time that could be spent doing what we need to do for ourselves. In this episode, I talk about the elements that make up the emotionally abusive relationship and how knowing both sides, the victim and the abuser, can be helpful to determine the path you need to take for yourself.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

There is a direct cause and effect when you are exposed to manipulative and controlling behavior. It can take a physical toll on you and cause you to believe things about yourself that simply aren't true. In this episode, I read a message from someone who got out of a twenty-year emotionally abusive marriage to discover his health and well-being suddenly increase.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

If someone hurt you, abused you, or wronged you in some way and you're still holding on to upset or anger toward them, how can you let it go and heal? There are some people in the world that we don't want to forgive, but we also don't want to hold on to anger or pain because of what they did. That is the topic of today's episode.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

Sometimes emotional abuse in adult relationships is the result of childhood trauma, neglect or abuse. Sometimes it's the result of the other person being abusive toward you so in order to get your needs met, you might have to become controlling and manipulative yourself. No matter how it happens, this episodes is about how to learn about and stop the behavior.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com.

Do boundaries work with emotional abusers? I received this question from someone who has tried almost everything to work with her emotionally abusive partner but is running out of options. In this episodes, I analyze the behavior she points out in the email she sent me, and also discuss why therapy sometimes doesn't work with manipulative people (and how to do therapy that does work). Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Sometimes you just can't figure out if perhaps what you're experiencing is abusive or manipulative behavior. You may even think perhaps you're overreacting or seeing things wrong. In this episode, I analyze an email I received and pick out the specific behaviors that I would call emotional abuse. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

They did the worst thing imaginable and now want you to stay in their life. Is it possible they can change? Should you give them a chance?

Why does it always seem like you have to constantly explain or defend yourself with certain people? Are you just not coming through clearly? Do they have trouble understanding? Or is there really something a deceptive going on to keep you under control? Learn the Turn-Around game and how it keeps you from ever gaining ground with controlling and manipulative people.

When the trust breaks and there is no love left in the relationship, but the emotional abuse stops, is there a chance for it to heal and can the trust be re-earned? I read an email from someone who has healed from being the abusive one and wants my thoughts if the marriage will survive or if it's too late.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

If you've never gotten triggered by someone's post on social media, you may be one of the lucky few. It's those times you can't help but give your opinion to someone you know is wrong or completely ignorant.

What can happen nowadays, especially in a heated political climate, is friends are lost, hearts are broken, and stress and upset reign supreme.

In this episode, I compare the Facebook conversation to an abusive relationship and highlight how you are actually inserting yourself into an abusive interaction when you choose to react from a triggered space to someone you disagree with.

Lots of similarities to the relationship experiencing emotional abuse. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Why don't hurtful people stop hurting? Can the emotional abuser or controlling / manipulative person change? Can your relationship with them be saved? It's an important question I get all too often. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse.

Manipulation originates with the desire to have something and doing anything you can to get it. I explore that topic in today's episode. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com

There's something that family, coworkers, friends, and even romantic partners can all have a common: They can sometimes be difficult to talk to. Some have opposing beliefs and values. Others simply want to control you and be right no matter what. Whatever the case is for you, this episode talks about some ins and outs of dealing with challenging people.

Emotional abuse and controlling, manipulative behavior have no place in a relationship. Whether it's romantic or with a family member or friend, the toxicity of hurtful behavior simply destroys what could be good relationships. There's much insecurity in the emotional abuser, and in this episode I talk about that a lot of other components of emotional abuse.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Should you love more, do more, be more for another person that never seems to be happy? One method of control is to make sure you're always trying harder to please but never pleasing. When someone keeps you in that state of mind, you start to lose your mind and your power.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Some people have a clever way of making you feel bad about yourself by complimenting you and using positive, supportive words that make it seem like they really care. However, the dark underbelly of their comments may contain the seed of guilt and shame. If you want to know more about this unique phenomenon, listen to this episode.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

If you've ever wondered why you felt a connection with someone that turned out to be controlling and manipulative, you were probably manipulated from day one. And it's possible that person didn't even know they were doing it. In this special episode, I talk about how Robert Cialdini's six principles of influence can apply to the emotionally abusive relationship.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

What does it take for an abusive person to change? A whole lot (if they even want to change), but this one component of healing is often one of the hardest for them to stop. Their consistent focus on you can make their healing and change much more difficult, let alone having no time and space to heal yourself. 

When you hurt someone you love, you let them know that they are not that important in your life. If you believe you are the emotionally abusive one and you want to heal and evolve from that behavior, this episode is a good start. In a relationship, control is the opposite of love. The more you control, the more love you lose. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

When someone shows you every single red flag you need to determine there is lying, control, and manipulation going on, at what point do you tell yourself you're not going to take it anymore?

In today's episode, I read an email from someone who went through an emotionally abusive relationship. As I read it, I break down each and every bad behavior so that you know how to identify it in your life.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

After months or years of being emotionally abused, you may find yourself doing behavior that resembles the same type of behavior you're a victim to. If that's the case, you can end up thinking you are also abusive, and may start believing that you perhaps you are just as bad as them, or worse.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

The smear campaign is a card often played by narcissists, sociopaths, and other emotional abusers to make you look like the bad guy. If you're hurt and miserable, they are happy. When you're defensive and upset, they use that against you by telling everyone just how irrational you are. Handle this the wrong way, and you'll walk away defeated and unsupported by almost everyone that believes the lies. That's why it's important to learn the right way to handle this very abusive behavior.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse over at loveandabuse.com

A suicide threat is the ultimate way to control an empathetic, caring person. When you're in a relationship with someone that threatens to kill themselves if you leave, you need to follow very specific steps so that 1. You aren't stuck in that relationship forever, and 2. If they're truly serious about taking their own life, you figure out a way to help them not follow through with it.

When you are in love with the person mistreating you, is there a way to improve the relationship? Can you make them understand how much they're hurting you? And if you did, would it change the situation?

In this episode, I read an email from someone whose emotional abuse turned into physical abuse, but she doesn't want to leave him because she loves him so much.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

There are ways emotional abusers can make you feel crazy. They can tell you that you said something you didn't, and convince you that you did. They can tell you about a conversation you never had. They can move things on you and tell you nothing was moved.

Someone with an agenda can alter your reality so much that you might actually GO crazy. In this episode I talk about crazymaking, and also dealing with the narcissistic ex when you have shared custody of the children.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Emotional abuse victims have a very difficult time trying to explain what's happening to them to friends and family. Often, loving, supportive people may side with the abuser because they simply can't see or believe that they are bad people. This leaves the victim feeling alone, with no one to turn to because their support system slowly disappears around them.

This episode is meant to be given to family, friends, your attorney, your therapist, or anyone else that doesn't understand the depth of control and manipulation happening in your relationship. Think of it as an emotional abuse and manipulation translation guide.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse and manipulation, an assessment and healing guide for difficult relationships. 

When you're in the thick of a toxic relationship, all you can see is a dark future with no way out. This skewed reality can actually keep you in the relationship because you think it's the best you can get.

Flushing yourself of the toxicity will help you see the brighter future there is.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Trying work as hard as you can to fix things you didn't break is exhausting and demoralizing. The first step to healing is realizing you're in it.

The path to repairing the relationship is for the perpetrator to discover that they are being abusive and to care enough about you to want to change.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse and manipulation at https://loveandabuse.com

The one-off difficulties in relationships are perfectly normal for everyone. They're not welcome, necessarily, but normal. But what happens when the "one-offs" become systemic? What happens when they are non-stop? That's when changes are inevitable.  

Judgment is the ultimate relationship destroyer. It is the key to creating a rift so wide that the relationship issues might get to the point of unresolvable.

Once you reach that stage, there's no turning back. This episode lays out some key factors in helping the judgmental person become self-aware and change their behavior before they completely destroy the relationship.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

It can be a challenge to see the signs of toxic behavior when you first start dating someone, especially if things seem to be going well. After all, who wouldn't want to be told they're wonderful and a dream come true?

The beginning of a relationship is a great time to assess the other person's behavior to make sure they are showing up as authentic instead of putting on an act to eventually take away your power.

Important episode no matter where you are in your relationship.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

When someone in your life claims to have changed and promises to stop behaving badly, have they truly changed or are they just pretending?

Telling the difference between the actor and the authentic person is a major step away from crazy making. Your sanity may depend on it.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

When the partner of a cheater carries guilt, thinking their own behavior caused the cheating, the relationship can disintegrate even further, destroying the very foundation of what's left.

The cheater works alone no matter what the partner has done. Accepting this means healing and moving on, whether the relationship survives the affair or not.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

The actor in the relationship can fool the best of us. When you can't tell what's an act and what's real, you soon start to question your own sanity.

The actor doesn't love, they control. A real partner shows empathy and wants to see you happy. It's easy to tell the difference looking at it from the outside in, but sometimes impossible to see it while you're in it.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Isolation occurs when someone wants to keep you from your friends, family and support structures. You will become more dependent on the one who is isolating you, causing you to seek all of your friendship, love, and support from that one person.

As you see other people less and less, control sinks in more and more. Soon, you will feel alone and completely shut out from the rest of the world.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Are you waiting for someone else to change so that you can get what you want?

In this episode, I talk about an email I received from a woman who fell in love with a man who went back with his wife. However, he now cheats on his wife to be with her. This has caused her to become obsessive, thinking about him all the time and waiting in pain for him to leave his wife and come back to her.

He has it both ways: A wife and family, and a mistress on the side. What is the incentive for him to change?

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Sometimes a conversation with a certain person always seems to lead down a path of misery. You end up feeling bad and can't figure out what happened.

These old patterns continue until you interrupt them and make sure you are reflecting on the behavior instead of blindly repeating them.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Many emotional abuse victims believe they are at fault for the abuse, as if there is behavior they did to bring it on. The short answer is there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You can't prevent a personality characteristic that is going to appear no matter what. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

When you are kind, generous and caring and you get controlling and manipulative in return, you may be the very cause of perpetuating such behavior without even knowing it. Your kindness could be someone else's fuel to continue treating you badly. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

When they threaten to leave or take something away from you, but they never follow through, expect them to repeat that behavior indefinitely. Empty threats are effective on those who fear them coming true. There is a way to stop the empty threats (but you probably won't like it).

We are often told that we can choose how to feel and that no one can actually control us. However, in emotional abuse and manipulation, that concept doesn't seem to hold true at all.

In fact, it seems that we can be conned by our own brain as the manipulator finds tiny ways to break us down from the inside out.

In this episode, I share the signs of control and what you can do about it when it starts. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

How do you tell friends and family about the emotional abuse from the narcissist when they don't see that behavior in them at all. In fact, they have a very different view of the abusive person to the point where they may actually feel sorry for them and think you're the crazy one. I talk about that on today's episode.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Would you know if you were being manipulated? Do you know what the look for? Manipulative people are experts are toxic language to make you feel bad about yourself. It's time to learn just how to tell if you are being manipulated or not.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse