Exploring movement, well-being and Joseph Pilates' original philosophy for modern life. Monthly reflections on the everyday practice of living an embodied life.
If you’ve found your way here, I’m so pleased you’re here.
Living an Embodied Life has grown from a simple belief: that movement is about far more than exercise. It’s about the way we inhabit ourselves, the way we breathe, the way we pay attention, and the way we move through the world.
Over the years, I’ve come to realise that the studio is simply one expression of this philosophy.
The conversations we have there continue long after we step away from the Reformer or the Tower. They shape how we meet ourselves, how we respond to challenge, how we cultivate health, and how we choose to live each day.
This is a space for those reflections.
Each month I’ll share what I’m learning through the classical Pilates repertoire, my teaching, and the quieter lessons that emerge through practice and everyday life.
For more than twenty years, movement has been my profession. But over time, I've realised my work has never really been about teaching exercises. But the longer I’ve taught, the more I’ve realised that people rarely come to Pilates simply to learn an exercise.
They come because they’re searching for something deeper.
To feel stronger.
To move with more ease.
To reconnect with themselves.
Become more accepting and confident of themselves.
To breathe more freely.
To find a little more space in lives that often ask us to keep doing more.
Joseph Pilates understood this long before wellbeing became a modern conversation. His vision of a healthy life extended far beyond the studio. It embraced fresh air, rest, meaningful movement, nourishing food, curiosity and a balanced mind.
That philosophy continues to inspire me today.
Living an Embodied Life is my way of exploring those ideas—not as rules to follow, but as conversations worth returning to, month after month.
This first reflection begins where I find myself today.
July has reminded me that progress isn’t always found in learning something new.
Sometimes it comes from returning to the fundamentals with greater attention.
This month has been full of learning.
I’ve been continuing my Tower training, deepened my preparation for the Wunda Chair Training (starting in a few weeks), exploring new projects and have spent time teaching wonderful clients, and found myself returning again and again to Joseph Pilates’ original philosophy.
The more I study Contrology, the more I realise that the exercises themselves are only part of the practice.
What continues to inspire me is the quality behind the movement.
The patience to repeat.
The discipline to refine.
The willingness to notice the smallest details.
I’ve also been reminded that community is one of our greatest teachers.
Every class, every conversation and every shared practice offers another opportunity to learn—not only about movement, but about ourselves.
Perhaps that’s what living an embodied life really means.
Not striving for perfection.
Not collecting more exercises.
But becoming more present in the ones we already know.
As I move into August, I’m taking this reminder with me.
To practise with curiosity.
To teach with generosity.
To continue learning.
And to remember that the most meaningful progress often happens quietly, one thoughtful repetition at a time.
Thank you for being here.
I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
Until next month,
Salema
Living an Embodied Life is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Thanks for reading Living an Embodied Life! This post is public so feel free to share it.
What if we don't need more exercise... but better attention?
Sunday, July 5, 2026 • Duration 10:22
“Everyone is the architect of his own happiness “
- Joseph Pilates
Photos Courtesy of Es Raco D’Arta and Ana Lui Photography
A heartfelt thank you to everyone who read, listened to and shared my last reflections, The Space We Rarely Give Ourselves. Your messages and the response to the podcast—now reaching over 8,500 downloads—have been incredibly encouraging. This article continues that conversation.
A few weeks ago, I shared some reflections on Joseph Pilates’ lifestyle principles and what they might teach us in a world that rarely slows down.
I wrote about the space we seldom allow ourselves. The constant pull of distraction. The feeling that, despite all our efforts to become healthier and more productive, many of us are left feeling increasingly disconnected from ourselves.
The response was overwhelming.
It reminded me that perhaps what so many of us are searching for isn’t another exercise programme, another wellness trend or another way to optimise our lives.
Perhaps we’re searching for something much simpler.
Our attention.
“This is where these ideas come to life.”
Video & Photo Courtesy of Es Raco D’Arta
There is no shortage of advice telling us how to become healthier.
Walk 10,000 steps.Lift heavier weights.Run further.Meditate.Journal.Cold plunge.Stretch.Eat this.Avoid that.
Every day we’re presented with another list promising to optimise our lives.
Yet for all the information available to us, many of us have never felt so disconnected from our own bodies.
Our attention is constantly being pulled elsewhere. Notifications interrupt conversations. Meals are eaten whilst scrolling. Work follows us home. Exercise becomes another task to complete before moving on to the next thing.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Returning to Strength, Balance and Grace in Times of Unease: through The Lens of Zen
Monday, May 5, 2025 • Duration 21:33
Practice You Deck Cards by Elena Brower
There comes a time in every season of life when we are called to return to ourselves for strength. To pause. To notice the subtle disturbances of change emerging beneath the surface and meet them—not with resistance, but with curiosity, strength and grace.
In this week's reflection, I invite you to explore how the Zen-informed lens of simplicity, presence, and compassionate awareness can help you return to your centre stronger, softer, and more connected with the most practical practice/s of Zen to help in times of unease.
Over the past few weeks, as I’ve been preparing for my assessment and opening space to welcome new collaborations in my teaching, I’ve felt the stirrings of change—offering me new ways of working that feel more aligned with who I’ve become.
At the same time, it hasn’t all been smooth sailing. Behind the scenes, I’ve been navigating some deep challenges. Living alongside someone diagnosed with severe depression is a quiet and constant weight. It takes strength to stay grounded—for myself, and for my partner. Some days, maintaining a hopeful outlook feels like balancing on a tightrope, one breath, one moment at a time, with my mojo nowhere to be seen.
Yet in these moments, I’m reminded why my practices matter. They keep me anchored. They help me stay open, connected, and honest about what I need—and what I can offer—without losing myself in the process, this being the purity of human nature.
PRACTICES
Over the last couple of weeks l’ve not being able to join in with my HIVE cohort collective. However, Elena always one to follow up, dropped me a couple of short emails, making her support and nourishing presence felt. One of these was details about our next meet and some preparation for exploration for our session. Weirdly, it was about revisiting/creating/placing a vision of the future on our altars; tiny, concrete items. Honouring the past and the future, while keeping present in the present to keep our visions and project(s) alive and visible. I have many of these varied small altars around my home, where l go for refuge, strength and inspiration. Today as l was revisiting them, l felt the unease slowly ebbing away.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Wearing the Quiet Colour of Confidence Through a Zen Lens
Monday, April 21, 2025 • Duration 23:45
this weeks invitation and enquiry
* confidence VS bravado the difference
* embody confidencethrough Zen, brain, and muscle
* journaling prompts to meet challenge and cultivate confidence honestly
* a Zen Practice: “Returning to Centre” A Confidence 5 Step Cultivation Sit
Let’s start this weeks podcast and post with the main enquiry ‘How do you wear confidence?’
I’ve been thinking and asking myself this question a lot lately, as l think our perception of confidence changes with age. As over the past few weeks, l’ve come to realise that Confidence isn’t quite what l thought it was. It’s not about trying to be the best or shout from the roof tops, have the perfect post and/or body and face. But instead for me it is about welcoming in an type of soft anchoring. Coming from a quiet, rooted place of knowing that’s less about being “better” and more about feeling connected—to my breath, my strength, my purpose. A reflection from the Japanese concept of “gambaru” which loosely means “to do one’s best with quiet determination.” No drama. No ego. Just presence in effort.
Confidence is not something that we’re born with, it’s something we rebuild, reshape, and re-embody through our various life experiences. Something l’ve personally experienced over past five years with changes in health, loss, and uncertainty. As we delve deeper into the element of Confidence from both a scientific and Zen perspective, we begin to realise that challenge isn’t something to avoid—but it’s the very terrain where confidence is forged.
Losing confidence during the second half of the pandemic. Not all at once—but slowly. It slipped away through the cracks of long quiet spells, and the weight of uncertainty. Teaching, creating, even trusting my body—it all felt far away until recently, when I took the conscious choice to step back in once again. To retrain, to move differently, to begin again with fresh eyes and an open heart. Yoga, Pilates, Zen, and the deep anatomy work I’ve studied and continue to study have become my home base, my anchor.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Lets Reclaim Grace Together : A Zen & Pilates Perspective for Embodied Living in Midlife
Monday, April 7, 2025 • Duration 19:44
This week l offer you
* The deeper meaning and connection of grace through the lenses of Zen & Pilates
* How alignment, breath & presence can support us well through midlife shifts
* 4 super simple yet powerful embodied practices that anyone can do and which will support you:
* Zen sitting for presence & emotional grounding
* Pilates standing flow for balance & fluid strength
* Lateral thoracic breathing to support your centre cultivating strength and calmness
* Seated spirals for elegant, integrated movement
“Grace isn’t just how we hold ourselves and move through space, it’s about how we meet life.”
-Salema
Lately, as I’ve been deepening my Pilates training and connecting with my inspiring cohort inside Hive guided by our fearless leader, Elena Brower - the themes of grace and self-care have been coming up again and again. These conversations have stirred something in me, and as a result I felt called to explore them more fully. That’s how this podcast was born.
As we navigate the transitions of midlife and beyond, it’s easy to feel like we’re somehow falling short mentally, physically, emotionally, even sexually. Hormonal shifts can leave us feeling out of sync with ourselves, and suddenly the way we feel on the inside no longer matches what we see on the outside. Frustration, impatience, anger, denial… they creep in. Acceptance and grace? Sometimes they feel far, far away.
If this resonates, you’re not alone and this conversation is for you.
Grace is not a surface expression. It is not about getting everything right or making it look effortless. True grace is a quality of presence of moving through life, especially through seasons of any change, with softness and strength in equal measure.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Saving Grace: A Zen Approach to Strengthening Connection & Ease with Change & Menopause
Monday, March 31, 2025 • Duration 23:54
This week your invitation to nourishment
* a reflection on how to strengthen connection and ease in your relationships during Menopause
* 3 simple and effective Zen practices and affirmations for patience, grace and communication
* the science and zen of deep listening
* explore the posture of grace
* a zen circle a guided partner practice
Building upon one of my popular recent posts (below) this weeks offering for nourishment expands the essence of how to bring a deeper level of care to ourselves and our closest relationships at a time of change.
Support in Transition
A Sunday walk in nature by the water with my partner yesterday sparked a pathway of inspiration and enquiry. Sensing that the type of conversation we were having throughout was somehow different to the conversations we have at home. Often influenced by background distractions such as tv, phones and emails. However, in nature without those familiar distractions there seemed to be more of a natural flow so our conversation, with no specific beginning or point. A effortless flow reflecting the essence of the meandering river, which we were walking alongside.
During this journey, deep listening emerged and responses were graceful and supportive once in the flow. A much welcomed antidote to the sometimes frustration of not feeling/being like our old selves with unfamiliar responses and reactions during this biological shift. A profound transition that touches our emotions, relationships, and sense of self. Taking a leaf from a Zen perspective, this stage of life is an opportunity to slow down, listen deeply, and embrace change with openness, which is definitely how l would describe my Sunday experience.
Referring to and living practically with some of the Zen teachings as well as being with nature on a regular basis, for me has been particular helpful during Menopause. Why?, well simply put they can remind us that impermanence (anicca) is the natural flow of life—our bodies, thoughts, and emotions are always shifting. Fighting change only creates suffering. But when we meet menopause with patience, grace, and real communication, it transforms from a struggle into a path of wisdom and connection.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
The Impermanence of Vision - The Risks of Changing Hormones & Imbalances On How We See
Monday, March 24, 2025 • Duration 17:44
this week your invitation to nourishment
* A Zen perspective on Vision
* A personal experience on Vision during Menopause
* Warning Bio Markers for Vision during Menopause
* The Science of Menopause & Vision
* How to advocate for your Vision
* Solutions for Menopausal Dry Eyes & Ocular Allergies
* Reflections on the emotional & spiritual aspect of changing vision
True vision is not merely about the eyes perceiving forms but about the mind seeing reality as it is—without illusion, distortion, or attachment. In the Zen philosophy this is the essence of kenshō, the direct experience of one’s true nature. When we look at the world through the filters of desire, fear, or expectation, we do not truly see; we project. A clouded mind is like a rippling pond—unable to reflect reality clearly. But when the mind is still, awareness sharpens, and we begin to perceive the impermanent, interconnected nature of all things.
Master Dōgen teaches that to see deeply, one must let go of the self—the "I" that clings and distorts. The great paradox is that the more we try to grasp clarity, the further it slips away. Instead, through presence and meditation, we allow vision to emerge naturally, like the moon reflected in still water. In this way, true vision is not about looking forward or backward, but about fully inhabiting this moment, where all truth resides."
This week as I moved between appointments with my eye patients, I found myself drawn to taking some moments to absorb nature—pausing to reflect on how deeply interconnected our vision is with both our physical and emotional well-being. Leading me to reflect on the impermanence of our vision and how changes we may experience may in fact also not be so easy to diagnose.
A personal example here, is how my vision had been changing quite a bit in the last few weeks, especially increased light sensitivity. My eyes feeling gritty and a bit sore, which l had initially put down to the weather and increased levels of pollen. But still, something felt not quite right.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Own Your Transition: Confidence, Resilience & Emotional Agility in Menopause: Navigating Change with Grace
Monday, March 17, 2025 • Duration 19:52
this week your invitation to nourishment
* the importance of psychological emotional agility in menopause
* the application of Zen Philosophy ‘skinbag’ in menopause
* honouring transition truthfully
* trusting and listening within
* finding purpose
* practices to regain confidence
* a book recommendation
Before perimenopause and the pandemic, I had always been a confident, self-assured person. As a wellness advocate, yoga teacher, and coach. I always felt in tune with my body and capable of navigating any challenges that came my way. I trusted my ability to balance my physical health, emotional well-being, and professional life. But everything changed when the world around us began to shift dramatically during the second part of the pandemic—and I started my journey into perimenopause.
Suddenly and until very recently to be honest, I found myself feeling unsure and disconnected from the confident person I once was. The hormonal changes from perimenopause, combined with the stress of living through a global crisis and changing my work left me feeling uncertain, vulnerable and having terrible bouts of anxiety as well as fear. My mind and body no longer feeling like it was under my control. The hot flashes, the sleepless nights, and the sudden mood swings made me question my ability to cope. I felt overwhelmed and, at times, powerless. My once-strong sense of confidence took a real dip it was during this time that l decided to take a pause from teaching and healing others, instead turning the mirror onto myself.
Emotional Agility in Menopause: Navigating Change with Grace
Menopause is a profound transition—physically, mentally, and emotionally. With shifting hormones often comes a rollercoaster of moods, energy fluctuations, and moments of self-doubt. This is where emotional agility becomes essential. Rather than resisting these changes or feeling trapped by them, emotional agility allows us to acknowledge our feelings without being consumed by them.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
Men, Women & Hormones: Navigating Change & Thriving Together
Tuesday, March 11, 2025 • Duration 16:32
this weeks invitation to nourishment
* powerful lessons in communication with hormone changes and what you and your partner can do to be heard and supported
* what you should know/consider about the andropause
* practices that you can do individually or together
* the importance of the bonding hormone
* my top 5 ways to strengthen relationships
Artwork by Andy Denzler
Welcome to NOURISH U, the contemplative podcast and newsletter is all about sharing holistic hacks, insights and solutions to empower longevity, creativity and peace of mind. All coming to you from my floating home on the water in Cambridge, England.
The Male and Female Menopause
Lately one of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is the importance of open communication in relationships—especially when it comes to expressing needs and emotions without guilt. Particularly challenging with hormonal changes, stress, and life’s transitions all affecting how we feel, both physically and emotionally, and holding it all in only creates distance. Instead of suppressing feelings or fearing judgment, I’ve found that honest conversations can build deeper trust and connection.
A real-life example of this for me lately has been discussing how lower testosterone levels maybe affecting my relationship but interestingly how equally my partner is feeling the same. He has struggled with mood swings and depression for over two decades and is now sixty. However, he nor more importantly his health professional has ever questioned or tested if he has/is experiencing the Male menopause, also known as andropause even through he has presented with some likely symptoms.
Andropause is the gradual decline of testosterone levels in men as they age, typically starting around their 40s or 50s. Unlike menopause in women, which often can happen more suddenly, andropause is a slow process that can lead to symptoms like fatigue, mood swings, low libido, reduced muscle mass, brain fog, and even depression. Reading various research information and discussing this topic together suddenly, the conversation shifted from just me wondering about my own levels to realising my partner should probably get tested too.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
NOURISH U: Teeth, Mouth, Eyes and Menopause
Tuesday, March 4, 2025 • Duration 19:25
your invitation awaits to
* Learn about the connection between periodontal health, hormones, menopause and HRT.
* Warning signs such as dry and burning mouth, bleeding gums, gum disease and what you should do.
* Tips to get your mouth back on track during perimenopause, menopause and beyond.
* Resources and References - Documented research into Menopause and Oral Health.
* Access to Vision insights in Menopause.
Writing my SubStack has always been about creating inspirations and drawing on insights from my own experiences and research in life. Providing a springboard for information, connection, discussion to NOURISH U so that you can NOURISH LIFE.
So this week l’m focusing and highlighting the connection between Teeth, Mouth, Eyes and Menopause, drawn from personal experience and research. And how we (sisters) need to advocate for more research on Oral Health, Hormones and the Menopause, to protect not only our teeth, gums and bones but our general health.
2025 has not quite started the way l had imagined however, that being said what l’ve learn’t about myself, my body, mind and mouth has been both invaluable and painful (but in a good way!).
I’ve always tried to be healthy, exercising regularly, eating a health diet and reducing my intake of alcohol. However, when we are in the menopause cycle of events we often have to rethink our habits along with the type of exercise we do, the duration as well as diet and nutrition. So why don’t we take more notice of our oral health during this transition? My experience of going through some problems alongside researching these questions has lead to some very profound answers.
Mouth, Teeth, Menopause and Other Factors - Setting the Stage
My journey with my mouth in menopause started late November 2024, after having a few problems with one tooth in particular. I suppose l had been lucky up to that point as l had experienced very few problems (partly because my mama always looked after my teeth with appointments and so forth from an early age). As far as l can remember l only had one set of treatments over 30 years ago, and they were to deep clean my gums at my local dental hospital. Since then l had no fillings although l could have done better with trips to the Hygienist. Moving areas just before Covid, l was stuck, with no NHS nor private dentists available. It has become a sorry state of affairs in the UK where access to Dentistry is very restricted (unless you have the money to pay privately). However, l was able to see a hygienist coming out of lockdown. Unfortunately, by that time it had been almost 5 years since my last clean and that coupled with starting perimenopause during the beginning of Covid, my teeth were not in a good state.
Thank you for subscribing. or .
We’re forever doing, but rarely being.
When I return to Joseph Pilates’ writings, I’m always struck by how relevant they feel today.
Although he never experienced smartphones or social media, he understood something fundamental about human nature: our greatest challenge is often not physical ability, but our ability to pay attention.
Contrology was never designed as a collection of exercises.
It was designed as a practice of awareness.
Every movement asks us to notice.
How are we breathing?
Where are we holding unnecessary tension?
Can we create effort without strain?
Can we move with intention rather than habit?
These questions are as relevant today as they were when Joseph first developed his method.
In many ways, Pilates becomes less about movement itself and more about reclaiming our attention.
The Cost of Constant Distraction
Attention has become one of our most valuable resources.
Every app, every advertisement and every notification competes for it.
Without realising it, we begin to live externally, constantly responding to what demands our focus rather than consciously choosing where to place it.
Joseph Pilates invited us to do the opposite.
When practising the method, there is nowhere else to be.
You cannot perform a classical Reformer sequence whilst mentally writing tomorrow’s shopping list.
The work gently calls you back.
Again.
And again.
Your breath becomes your anchor.
Your movement becomes your conversation.
Your body becomes your teacher.
This, perhaps, is one of the greatest gifts of the Pilates method.
Not simply stronger muscles, but a quieter mind.
The Exercise Isn’t the Goal
One of the greatest misconceptions about Pilates is that success lies in mastering increasingly difficult exercises.
But anyone who has studied the method for any length of time knows the opposite is true.
The more experience you gain, the more you return to the fundamentals.
Footwork.
The Hundred.
Roll Up.
Leg Circles.
Exercises many people dismiss as “basic” become endless opportunities for refinement.
Because attention changes everything.
The movement may stay the same.
You don’t.
Each repetition offers another opportunity to notice something you missed before.
A little more length.
A little less effort.
A quieter shoulder.
A softer jaw.
A more complete exhale.
The exercise hasn’t changed.
Your awareness has.
Perhaps this is why Joseph Pilates famously said:
“Change happens through movement, and movement heals.”
I often wonder whether the healing he referred to wasn’t solely physical. Perhaps he was also speaking about what happens when we become fully present.
Beyond the Studio, Mat & Apparatus
The longer I teach, the more I’ve become to realise that Yoga & Pilates as well as other methods of movement doesn’t end when we leave the studio/gym.
Its principles begin to shape how we live.
We notice our posture whilst standing in a queue.
We breathe differently during stressful conversations.
We become aware of unnecessary tension whilst driving.
We choose to walk rather than rush.
Contrology therefore gradually becomes less about exercise and more about paying attention to life itself.
And perhaps this is what Joseph Pilates was really offering.
Not simply a stronger body.
But a more conscious way of living.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In a culture that celebrates speed, productivity and constant stimulation, choosing to slow down can feel almost rebellious.
Yet slowing down isn’t about doing less.
It’s about noticing more.
Real strength isn’t found in how quickly we move.
It’s found in how deeply we connect with what we’re doing.
That, to me, is the enduring wisdom of Joseph Pilates.
His method reminds us that our attention is not something to give away carelessly.
It is something to cultivate.
His method reminds us that our attention is not something to give away carelessly.
It is something to cultivate.
This is where, for me, these ideas come to life.
When I began creating and curating Embodied Contrology , I realised I wasn’t simply creating a retreat to teach the Reformer.
I was trying to create the very thing I’ve been writing about.
I was thinking about space.
Space to breathe.
Space to learn.
Space to return to the original principles of the method without distraction.
A place to slow down.
A place to pay attention.
Not because we need more movement.
But because we need to pay better attention to the movement we already have.
Perhaps that is where real transformation begins.
To find a place where Joseph Pilates’ original philosophy could be experienced, not just discussed.
Set within the peaceful surroundings of Es Racó d’Artà in Mallorca, the retreat has been designed to bring together focused practice, thoughtful conversation and meaningful rest. Not as an escape from everyday life, but as an opportunity to return with a deeper understanding of both the Pilates method and ourselves.
If these reflections resonate with you and you’d like to experience them in practice, I’d be delighted to welcome you to Embody these teachings not just practice the physical.
On Unease & Returning to Balance: Mentally and Physically
My partner often uses the word unease to describe how he thinks he’s feeling. But is unease just another word for being with NOT KNOWING?
Unease is a natural part of living—especially in uncertain times. From a Zen lens, it’s not something to resist but to gently witness. Unease invites us inward, back to breath, back to presence. We don’t overcome it by force but by softening into what is.
Manifesting from a Physical perspective
From a Pilates and Pilates Reformer perspective: On the mat and/or on a Reformer, two Pilates practices that can support this return are Footwork exercises to ground and recalibrate through the feet and legs, and Spine Stretch Forward to lengthen the spine, create space, and release held tension. When paired with conscious breath, these movements become meditations in motion—restoring your centre with strength and grace.
Mindful Communication: Speaking from Stillness
In moments of unease, our internal landscape can often feel noisy and/or heavy. Practising mindful communication can help us listen more deeply—first to ourselves, then to others. Inviting us to pause before speaking, to check in with our body, breath, and emotional tone, so we become less reactivate, which is a lot harder than it seems. I have been learning this highly important skill under the teachings and guidance of my mentor, thank you Elena Brower so much for reminding me, that less is more and that practice is where Zen truly resides.
Zen teaches us that silence is not empty. It is full of possibility. When we communicate from stillness, we become less reactive and more rooted in truth. We begin to use words that honour both our experience and the space between us and others. This kind of presence fosters connection—not through performance but through authenticity.
Especially when supporting someone living with depression, this type of mindful listening becomes an anchor. We hold space not to fix, but to witness—to offer our calm presence as a mirror of steadiness in the storm.
In relationships, this quiet attentiveness can soften defensiveness and create space for honest expression. It fosters a climate where partners feel safe to be vulnerable without fear of judgement or urgency to solve.
Honest Boundaries: Showing up with compassion without abandoning ourselves
Change often illuminates how much we’ve been carrying—emotionally, mentally, and physically. Saying no can be an act of profound self-respect.
Zen invites us to return to the simplicity of knowing what is true in the moment. Not everything that calls for our energy deserves it. Honest boundaries don’t push people away; they create the conditions for sustainable closeness. When we honour our limits, we honour our energy, our needs, and our evolving identities.
When living with or caring for someone navigating depression, clear and loving boundaries are essential. They allow us to show up with compassion without abandoning ourselves.
In relationships, mutual respect for boundaries creates a shared sense of security—a trust that each partner can care for their own energy while staying connected.
Emotional Availability: The Grace of Staying Open
It’s tempting to withdraw when things get difficult and emotions become like a roller coaster. But true strength lies in staying present with what is—without needing to fix or flee. Emotional availability is the capacity to be with discomfort, both ours and others’, while remaining grounded.
From a Zen perspective, emotions are not enemies—they are teachers. They come and go like weather, and our job is to breathe, observe, and let them pass. This spacious approach helps us stay connected in our relationships, even during challenging times.
Supporting a loved one with depression asks us to meet their pain with a quiet steadiness, not by absorbing it, but by offering our stable presence—our willingness to sit with them in the shadows while rooted in our own light.
In intimate partnerships, emotional availability builds a bridge between two inner worlds. It allows space for truth, even when it’s messy or uncertain, and creates fertile ground for deepened connection.
Finding Your Mojo: A Zen Perspective
When life feels flat or uncertain, what we often call "losing our mojo" is really a disconnection from our deeper rhythm. In Zen, this is an invitation—not a failure. Mojo isn't something we chase. It arises naturally when we return to presence and simplicity, through practices that ignite us.
Zen teaches us that energy and inspiration flow best when we are not forcing. Your mojo is in your breath, your body, and the moments you slow down enough to feel.
3 ZEN PROMPTS to start the enquiry of re-cultivating your mojo:
* What brings me alive in this moment?
* What am I resisting?
* What am I longing for?
These questions when asked in stillness, help you reawaken your natural vitality—quietly, respectfully, from the inside out.
A Mudra for Strength & Grace: Vajrapradama Mudra (Mudra of Unshakable Trust)
This is the mudra of unshakable trust. Interlace your fingers at the heart centre, leaving the thumbs extended and touching. Rest this gesture at your chest, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Use it when you need to reclaim your steadiness and inner power.
Vajra means “diamond” or “thunderbolt,” symbolising clarity and indestructibility. Pradama relates to offering or confidence. Together, Vajrapradama Mudra translates to “Mudra of Unshakable Trust.”
Affirmation: "I trust in my strength. I return to grace."
Zen Sitting Practice: Returning to Yourself in Times of Unease
Find a quiet space and take a comfortable seated position. Sit on a cushion or chair, allowing the spine to be long but not rigid. Bring your hands into Vajrapradama Mudra or rest them gently in your lap.
Let your eyes soften or close. Begin by simply noticing your breath. Allow the inhale to expand you, and the exhale to ground you.
When thoughts arise, acknowledge them gently and return to the breath. Use this practice to anchor yourself in the now. Just five to ten minutes a day can cultivate the strength and grace you seek—not from outside, but from your own centred presence.
In households affected by depression or emotional overwhelm, this daily ritual becomes a way to clear your own energy, reset compassion fatigue, and reconnect with your inner resources.
For couples or partners, consider sitting together in silent support. No talking. Just breathing, side by side. This shared stillness becomes a silent vow—to be with each other in presence, not performance.
Zen Relationship Practice: The Circle of Presence
Sit across from your partner or loved one. Each of you places an object or candle in the centre to symbolise your shared intention. Set a timer for five minutes.
In silence, gaze softly at one another—not staring, but witnessing. Stay relaxed and breathe naturally. If emotions arise, let them flow. If laughter or tears come, honour them.
When the timer ends, bow gently to each other. This circle of presence cultivates intimacy without words, reminding you both that presence is the most sacred gift we can offer.
Returning to Centre
To return to strength, balance, and grace is to come back to the truth of who we are: cyclical, sensitive, resilient, wise. Through mindful communication, honest boundaries, and emotional availability, we can strengthen not just our relationships with others, but also the relationship with ourselves.
This is the art of living well. This is the nourishment that lasts.
With a bowed heart and steady breath, in quiet service to your return.
S
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free subscriber.
Challenging myself mentally and physically through retraining in a new discipline has reignited something I hadn’t felt in a while. That spark. That sense of direction and it feels great, even through l don’t quite know where it will take me? But the version of me who loved teaching, creating, and running her own thing is remerging not quite in the same form, but with more depth, more softness, more strength.
Pilates, structure, Zen, movement—it's all helping me remember who I am.
Sometimes rebuilding confidence looks like learning something new… and realising you’re not starting over but returning home.
But what does confidence look like in our brains?
Well our brains are designed to adapt. Neuroplasticity after all is the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on experience. When we face a challenge whether physical, emotional, or mental, our nervous system is activated. If we meet that challenge with conscious effort, focused attention, and rest afterward, the brain begins to encode that experience as resilience. Confidence then isn’t just a feeling but a chemical process. It’s biology in motion, a dance between belief and the body, shaped not only by past experiences but by what we choose to do with the present moment.
At the heart of it? Your brain’s reward system.
The brain’s reward circuitry, primarily involving the dopaminergic system, plays a central role in motivation, learning, and yes confidence. When you face a challenge and follow through, especially something just outside your comfort zone, your brain releases dopamine a feel-good neurotransmitter that reinforces the behaviour.
Each time you complete something difficult, the brain registers it as a “win.” Even small victories like mastering a new Pilates move, holding a posture longer, or showing up for your practice when you didn’t want to light up the mesolimbic pathway, telling your brain:
That felt good. Let’s do that again.
Over time, these micro-rewards begin to reshape your internal narrative.Not just I can do hard things, but I want to keep growing.
Interestingly, this echoes what the brain craves:Consistent, meaningful effort → reward → reinforcement.
The result? A felt sense of confidence that’s less about being “better” and more about feeling connected—to your breath, your strength, your purpose.
Embodied Confidence: Why Movement Matters
Physical movement especially structured, mindful movement like pilates or yoga is particularly effective at activating this system. But why? Well because it pairs mental challenge (focus, coordination, breath control) with physical effort (strength, endurance, precision). This integrated experience creates a potent feedback loop between mind, muscle, and mood.
When you rise to meet a challenge physically, the brain responds as if you’ve done something meaningful (because you have). This not only boosts dopamine but also builds trust between you and your body, between you and your capacity.
This is especially relevant in any movement we undertake. Challenging the body with mindful stress like strength work, Pilates, or complex motor patterns helps reorganise not just muscle but also our sense of self. With each small success, the body sends a feedback loop to the brain: You did that. Confidence begins to rebuild from the ground up.
The Zen Colour of Confidence
In the Zen tradition, colour is approached with intentional simplicity—each hue chosen not for decoration, but for its energetic essence and meditative effect. Historically, Zen temples favoured natural tones: earthy browns, soft greys, indigo blues, and muted whites, reflecting the impermanence and humility central to Zen. These colours calm the nervous system, support stillness, and mirror the subtlety of the natural world. In colour psychology, these tones encourage introspection, stability, and grounded awareness—qualities deeply aligned with the Zen ideal of wabi-sabi, the quiet beauty found in imperfection and transience.
Shades of blue generally supports trust, darker blues especially promote confidence from a colour psychology perspective.
Zen: Effort Without Clinging
In Zen, we are taught to meet the moment as it is without attachment to outcomes. This doesn’t mean we don’t try, but rather that we engage fully and release the need for control. Dōgen Zenji wrote, “To study the self is to forget the self.” When we approach challenge from a Zen lens, it becomes less about winning and more about witnessing.
What am I learning here?How can I move with what’s arising instead of fighting it?
This presence-oriented approach softens the ego’s grip and allows us to move through difficult terrain with more grace. Confidence, then, isn’t about feeling bulletproof it’s about staying connected, moment by moment, no matter what’s unfolding.
From a Zen perspective, confidence doesn’t come from external validation—it’s a quiet, rooted knowing. In Japanese, the concept of “gambaru” loosely means “to do one’s best with quiet determination.” No drama. No ego. Just presence in effort.
The Integration and Practical Application of
When science meets stillness, and movement meets mindfulness, confidence becomes a practice rather than a fixed state. It’s rebuilt through the body through breath, through effort, through pause. Through showing up again and again, even when unsure.
It’s in the shaking legs during a Pilates hold.The quiet mind after a meditation sit.The decision to begin again, even when it’s hard.
Confidence doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it’s just a whisper: Keep going. You’re doing it.
Journaling Prompt: Meeting Challenge Honestly
Carve out 10 minutes, and reflect with honesty and compassion:
Find a quiet space and take a few deep breaths. With pen and paper, explore the following:
* Where in my life do I feel unsure or disconnected from my inner strength?
* What small challenge am I currently facing that I could meet with more presence?
* What part of me already knows how to begin again?
Let the pen be your mirror.
* Where in my life am I meeting resistance or self-doubt right now?
* What would it look like to meet this challenge with curiosity, rather than fear?
* Can I recall a time I did something hard and came through stronger? What did I learn?
Let the words flow. No need to fix—just observe.
Zen Practice: “Returning to Centre” — A Confidence a 5 Step Cultivation Sit
Duration: 10–15 minutes | Best done seated in stillness
1. Settle the Body
Sit comfortably on a cushion or chair.Spine upright, shoulders relaxed.Let your hands rest softly in your lap or on your thighs.Gently close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Take 5 slow breaths. Feel yourself arrive.
2. Anchor the Mind with Breath + Mantra
Inhale: I am hereExhale: I am ready
Repeat this silently for 3–5 minutes, letting the rhythm of breath and mantra begin to stabilise the mind. Feel the inhale gather presence, the exhale soften resistance.
3. Gathā for Confidence
Now, introduce this short Zen gathā (a poetic verse) to work with in your sit:
With each breath, I return to my true ground.
Nothing to prove.
Only to be.
Repeat this softly within, letting the words settle into your body. You might sync them with your breath, or let them drift in and out like waves.
4. Inquiry in Stillness(Optional for last 2–3 minutes)
As you sit in silence, ask yourself gently:
* Where in my life do I feel disconnected from my confidence?
* What part of me already knows how to begin again?
Don’t force answers—just let the questions echo. Confidence in Zen isn’t bravado—it’s the quiet clarity of knowing you’re already enough.
5. Close with a Mudra
Bring one hand to the heart, the other to the belly. Bow your chin slightly.
Whisper to yourself:“I trust in the return.”
The Takeaway
Confidence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a process your brain and body want you to lean into. Each time we allow ourselves to be challenged and follow through, we’re not just pushing limits we’re rewiring our sense of self.
So whether it’s through mindful movement, deep rest, or showing up for that small promise you made to yourself today—know this:
Your reward system is watching. And it loves a comeback.
Confidence is not a pose we strike—it’s a process of remembering. Through breath, movement, and self-inquiry, we rebuild it, piece by piece, with presence and compassion.
Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it.
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
In both Zen and Pilates, the posture we hold is a mirror of our inner state. Grace is not about performing or pleasing, but about cultivating presence, receptivity, and integrity in the way we move, sit, speak, and live. It is strength softened with compassion, structure infused with breath, and movement anchored in awareness. Cultivated through discipline, stillness, breath, and embodied awareness. Whether you're seated in meditation or flowing through a sequence on the mat, grace is the quiet power that emerges when effort meets ease, when precision meets patience, and when your inner landscape aligns with your outer form.
Zen & Pilates: Stillness and Flow
In Zen, the posture is part of the practice. The upright spine in zazen (seated meditation) is more than physical, it reflects the mind's capacity for presence. The invitation is to sit like a mountain: steady, grounded, aware. Grace, in this sense, comes from dropping into your natural state - unforced, undistracted, completely here. Grace is in allowing the breath to rise and fall without clinging. It is found in silence, in how we bow, in how we walk slowly and attentively through a moment.
Pilates, too, asks for awareness and integration. Every movement begins from the "powerhouse"—the core—radiating out with control, balance, and breath.
“It is the mind itself which builds the body.”
-Joseph Pilates
This is where the two systems meet: in their reverence for attention. Both Zen and Pilates train you to inhabit your body with awareness, to notice the subtle, and to move with intention.
In Pilates, posture is physical precision - aligning the spine, engaging the powerhouse, and allowing the body to move efficiently and intelligently. Grace arises when control flows effortlessly into movement. As Joseph Pilates said, “Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.” And happiness, when felt in the body, looks and feels like grace.
Midlife and menopause can feel anything but graceful at times. Hormonal shifts, emotional waves, changes in posture, sleep, digestion, and confidence. But this is also an incredible opportunity to return to the body, to re-align, to soften and strengthen anew.
Practicing the "posture of grace" doesn’t mean striving to be perfect. It means showing up with kindness, steadiness, and curiosity again and again.
When we combine the wisdom of both, grace becomes a state of embodied mindfulness, a still point within the changing rhythms of life. And in midlife or menopause, when the body and identity shift, returning to the posture of grace can be deeply empowering.
This week l offer four embodied practices to support you:
Zen Sitting Practice: Rooted Presence1. Sit in stillness with an upright spine, either on a cushion or chair. Let your hands rest naturally, eyes softly closed or lowered.2. Inhale gently through your nose, feel your ribs expand outward. Exhale slowly through the mouth, softening the shoulders and jaw.3. Repeat silently: “I am grounded. I am open. I meet life with grace.”Just five minutes a day builds a deep inner posture of presence and compassion.
Pilates Lateral Thoracic Breathing Practice: Cultivating Inner Space
While in some mindfulness and yoga practices we sometimes breathe in and out of the stomach, in pilates the stomach muscles become home base to all the exercises we do which support the spine. It is for this reason that we have to move the breath up into the side flanks of the body the ribs, enabling us to work the ‘powerhouse’ effectively. 1. Standing or seated, place your hands on either side of your ribcage.2. Inhale deeply through the nose laterally—feel the ribs expand into your palms breathing out to your circumference. 3. Exhale slowly through the mouth and feel the ribs gently draw back into centre.
Do 5–8 rounds. This breath technique supports core engagement, calms the nervous system, and invites spaciousness within the body.
Pilates Seated Arm Spirals with Core Connection: Integration & Elegance1. Sit upright, cross-legged or on a chair. Engage your centre gently, navel to spine.2. Inhale to spiral your right arm up and out to the side, following the arm with your gaze. Exhale to return to centre.3. Alternate sides. Move slowly, allowing your breath to shape the motion.
This practice strengthens shoulder mobility, spinal rotation, and coordination with grace.
Pilates Standing Practice: Align and Flow1. Stand in neutral alignment: feet hip-width apart, knees soft, pelvis balanced, spine tall.2. Inhale, lift your arms overhead. Exhale, lower them out to the side with control. Repeat slowly 3–5 times, letting breath guide the rhythm.4. Then add a side bend, flowing from one side to the other with grace and control. Focus on staying connected to your centre.
Grace in Practice, Grace in Life
Whether you're experiencing menopause, grief, transformation, or simply the everyday pressures of modern life, these practices offer a chance to return to yourself. To reconnect with your core, your breath, your posture - not to be perfect, but to feel whole and supported.
Both Zen and Pilates remind us that how we move is how we live. Grace is not something we perform. It is something we remember—through the breath, the spine, the stillness between moments.
From this place, we not only move better, we relate better, lead better, and age with wisdom and vitality.
Let your practice be a prayer of poise.Let your posture reflect your peace.Let grace become your ground.
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Patience with yourself and others during this time becomes paramount in terms of how you take care of yourself and how you communicate your needs.
Acceptance in why you are in any moment without comparison helps, it’s about being fully here, right now.
Science shows us that menopause-related hormonal shifts can make us more reactive, more anxious, affecting mood, energy, and focus. Neuroscientists have found that certain mindfulness/ noticing practices can help because they strengthen the prefrontal cortex, helping regulate emotions and reduce stress responses.
Patience is often misunderstood as simply waiting, but in Zen, patience is a state of deep presence and surrender. It’s about meeting each moment as it is, without resistance or urgency. During menopause, as emotions fluctuate and energy shifts, patience becomes both a challenge and a vital skill in maintaining inner balance and connection with others.
1. Zen Practice for Patience: The Art of Stillness & Softening
Step 1: Grounding into the Present Moment
* Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.
* Sit comfortably—either cross-legged on a cushion or with feet grounded on the floor.
* Close your eyes or soften your gaze, allowing your breath to settle into its natural rhythm.
Step 2: The Breath of Patience
* Place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart.
* Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly expand.
* Hold the breath for a count of four, noticing the pause.
* Exhale gently through your mouth for a count of six, feeling tension leave your body.
* Repeat for five rounds, allowing each breath to lengthen and soften naturally.
Why this works: Slow, intentional breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting the body from stress to calm, reducing reactivity and impatience.
Step 3: Observing Without Reacting
* As you sit, bring to mind a recent moment where you felt frustrated, rushed, or reactive.
* Without judgment, observe the emotions that arise—tightness, heat, restlessness.
* Rather than pushing them away, imagine them as clouds drifting across the sky—temporary and ever-changing.
Zen Insight: Just like the sky remains vast and untouched by passing clouds, your inner awareness remains steady even as emotions move through you.
* With each inhale, soften the edges of frustration.
* With each exhale, allow the moment to be as it is.
* With the next breath, flow into acceptance.
Continue this for 5 minutes, feeling patience grow as you surrender to the present moment.
Step 5: Bringing Patience into Daily Life
* Next time you feel irritation rising, pause and take one deep breath before reacting.
* Silently say: "I allow this moment to be as it is."
* If speaking, slow your words, allowing space between sentences.
* If listening, fully absorb the other person’s words before responding.
Final Thought:Patience isn’t about suppressing frustration—it’s about creating space between stimulus and response. Through breath, presence, and softening, we cultivate grace under pressure, allowing menopause—and life—to unfold with greater ease.
Grace: Moving Through Change with Ease
Grace isn’t about perfection—it’s about flow.
Zen teaches us to be like water, adapting to change rather than resisting it. Yet, it’s easy to feel frustrated when brain fog, fatigue, or shifting emotions interfere with daily life.
Research on self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that being kind to ourselves reduces stress and fosters resilience. When we let go of the expectation to be who we were, we make space for who we are becoming.
In Zen, grace is not about effort—it’s about surrendering to the natural rhythm of life. Grace is fluidity in the face of challenge, the ability to move with change rather than against it. During menopause, when emotions, energy, and identity shift, grace becomes a powerful practice—one that allows us to soften into transformation rather than resist it.
2. Zen Practice for Grace: Moving Through Change with Ease
Step 1: The Posture of Grace
* Find a comfortable seated position—on a cushion, chair, or even lying down.
* Imagine a mountain—solid, steady, yet effortlessly meeting the changing winds and seasons.
* Gently lift your spine as if being drawn upward, while keeping your shoulders relaxed and soft.
* Close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Why this works:A grounded yet open posture signals the nervous system to shift from tension to ease, allowing grace to become embodied.
Step 2: The Breath of Surrender
* Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand.
* As you exhale through your mouth, whisper the word “surrender.”
* With each breath, feel tension melting from your jaw, shoulders, and heart space.
* Repeat for five slow breaths, letting go of the need to control or force.
Zen Insight: Grace is found in releasing resistance. The breath teaches us how to let go without force, just as a river shapes stone over time—not through struggle, but through flow.
Step 3: The Practice of Non-Grasping
* Bring to mind a current challenge—maybe it’s fatigue, brain fog, shifting emotions, or uncertainty in relationships.
* Instead of resisting or fixing, simply observe.
* Ask yourself: Can I meet this moment without clinging or pushing it away?
* Imagine holding a delicate feather in your hand—neither gripping it nor letting it fall, just allowing it to rest.
* Apply this same energy to your thoughts, emotions, and body—neither forcing nor suppressing, but simply being with what is.
Why this works: In Zen, this is the practice of non-attachment—the key to moving with life’s changes, rather than feeling trapped by them.
Step 4: The Mantra of Grace
* Silently repeat: "I move with ease. I meet change with grace."
* With each inhale, imagine softness and acceptance filling your body.
* With each exhale, release the need to be who you were yesterday.
* Let this mantra become a rhythm—one that extends beyond this practice into daily life.
Step 5: Bringing Grace into Relationships & Menopause
* Next time frustration or discomfort arises, pause before reacting.
* Ask yourself: Am I resisting this moment, or can I allow it to unfold?
* When emotions feel overwhelming, place a gentle hand over your heart as a gesture of self-compassion and quietly say to yourself ‘How human of me to feel this way’.
* Speak and move more slowly—grace is found in the space between words and actions.
Final Thought:Grace is not perfection. It is the art of flowing with what is, trusting that every change is part of a greater unfolding. Through breath, presence, and non-resistance, we cultivate grace in the body, mind, and heart—moving through menopause and life with effortless ease.
A Zen Affirmation Practice for Grace:
When frustration arises, repeat:"Soften, allow, flow."Let the words settle in your body like ripples in water.
Communication:
3. The Zen And Science of Deep Listening
Menopause can challenge communication—word recall slows, emotions intensify, and frustration builds. But in Zen, communication isn’t just about speaking—it’s about listening with presence.
Science backs this up: Active listening triggers oxytocin, the bonding hormone, strengthening connection and easing tension.
Zen Practice for Communication:
Next time your partner speaks, ask yourself:"Am I listening to understand, or just to reply?"Pause. Breathe. Respond from a place of presence, not reaction.
4. The Zen Circle: A Guided Partner Practice
This simple practice helps you and your partner reconnect, using the Zen principle of the ensō (circle)—a symbol of wholeness and presence.
How to Do It:
Step 1: Set the Space – Sit comfortably, facing each other. Light a candle or simply take a few deep breaths together.
Step 2: Draw a Circle – On a piece of paper, take turns drawing a Zen circle. This represents your journey—imperfect yet whole, ever-changing yet complete.
Step 3: Speak & Listen with Presence – Each person completes these three sentences:
* “Right now, I feel…”
* “What I need most is…”
* “One thing I appreciate about you is…”
While one speaks, the other listens without interrupting or planning a response. Just hold space for the words to land.
Step 4: Close with Gratitude – Thank each other. Fold the paper and keep it somewhere visible as a reminder that you are walking this path together.
Final Thought: Flow, Don’t Fight
Menopause, like all of life, is a wave rising and falling. Through patience, grace, and real conversation, we ride the wave rather than resist it.
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
After wearing varifocal contact lenses and glasses over the past few years from single vision because my vision had worsened somewhat. I felt l didn’t need any aid for reading but just for distance, which is normally the other way around when we age. But here’s the real twist—after a last-minute visit to my optometrist on Thursday night I discovered that my eyesight has actually improved in less than a year! I’m now less short-sighted and leaning more toward monovision. Although my optom couldn’t give me a real definite answer if this was linked to hormonal shifts or just aging, but surely we need to put the two together don’t we?
BIO MARKERS FOR VISION
As we age our hormones age with us so bearing that in mind here ARE SOME MENOPAUSAL RELATED EYE SYMPTOMS you should be aware of look out for include dry eyes, light sensitivity, blurred vision, and even prescription changes.
From an eye health perspective, menopause brings changes like:👁️ Light sensitivity – Increased discomfort in bright environments.👁️ Dry eyes – Due to reduced tear production as estrogen declines.👁️ Allergies & hay fever – Hormonal shifts can heighten inflammatory responses.
The Science of Menopause & Eyes
So what really happens to our eyes as our hormone levels change and age?
Well during menopause, we experience declining levels of estrogen and androgen hormoneswhich impact the structure and function of theeye’s tear-producing glands:
* Lacrimal glands (which produce the watery layer of tears) experience a reduction in output, leading to dryness and irritation.
* Meibomian glands (which produce the oily layer of tears) may become inflamed or clogged, reducing oil flow and accelerating tear evaporation.
* Mucin production (which helps tears spread evenly over the eye) is also affected, leading to poor tear film stability.
*WARNING
This hormonal imbalance causes an increased risk of dry eye disease (DED), making eyes feel gritty, irritated, and sometimes excessively watery due to reflex tearing (the body's attempt to compensate for dryness).
The Link Between Dry Eyes & Hay Fever in Menopause
Did you know also in addition to direct hormonal effects, menopause can also heighten sensitivity to allergens and histamines. Fluctuating estrogen levels can increase inflammation and immune system hyper-reactivity, making menopausal women more prone to seasonal allergies and ocular allergies (allergic conjunctivitis).
This can exacerbate:👁️ Redness, itching, and burning sensations👁️ Swollen or puffy eyelids👁️ Increased tearing or mucus discharge
Something else to also be aware of when using traditional antihistamines, to manage allergies, is that they can worsen dry eyesbecause they reduce tear production. This is why many women find their usual allergy medications less effective or more irritating during menopause.
What to Do & Get Checked by Your Eye Care Professional
If you’re experiencing persistent dry eyes, light sensitivity, or allergy-like symptoms, it’s essential to get a comprehensive eye exam that includes:
* Tear Break-Up Time (TBUT): Measures how quickly tears evaporate. A low TBUT indicates meibomian gland dysfunction.
* Schirmer’s Test: Evaluates tear production to determine if the lacrimal glands are underperforming.
* Meibomian Gland Imaging: Checks for blockages or atrophy in the glands that produce the oily layer of tears.
* Inflammation Markers: Some eye clinics can assess inflammatory markers in tears to determine if there’s chronic inflammation contributing to dryness.
* Ocular Allergy Testing: If you have recurring redness and irritation, it may be beneficial to test for specific allergens.
SOLUTIONS FOR MENOPAUSAL DRY EYES & OCULAR ALLERGIES
Managing dry eyes in menopause requires a multi-faceted approach, including hydration, hormone-friendly nutrition, and targeted treatments. Here are some evidence-based solutions that can help:
* Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Found in fish oil, flaxseeds, and walnuts, omega-3s help reduce inflammation and support healthy tear production.
* Lid Hygiene & Warm Compresses: Cleaning the eyelids with a gentle cleanser and using warm compresses helps unclog meibomian glands and improves oil flow.
* Lubricating Eye Drops: Opt for preservative-free artificial tears or lipid-based drops that mimic natural tears. Avoid drops that claim to "reduce redness," as they can cause rebound irritation.
* Humidifiers & Blinking Exercises: Increasing moisture in your environment and consciously blinking more frequently (especially during screen use) helps retain eye hydration.
* Hormone Therapy (HRT): Some women find low-dose estrogen or androgen therapy beneficial for dry eyes, but this should be discussed with a healthcare provider.
* Anti-Inflammatory Eye Drops: If inflammation is a major contributor, optometrists may prescribe cyclosporine (Restasis), lifitegrast (Xiidra), or corticosteroid drops for short-term relief.
* Allergy Management Alternatives: Instead of traditional antihistamines, consider mast cell stabilizers (e.g., ketotifen) or preservative-free allergy eye drops that are gentler on dry eyes.
REFLECTIONS ON THE EMOTIONAL & SPIRITUAL ASPECT OF CHANGING VISION
Menopause isn’t just a shift in hormones—it’s a shift in how we see ourselves and the world. Many women experience changes in clarity, confidence, and perception during this time. Adapting to the impermanence of vision—both physically and metaphorically—can be a powerful practice in embracing change with awareness.
Have you noticed changes in your vision—physically, mentally, or emotionally—during menopause?Let’s start the conversation!
Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it.
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Psychologist Susan David describes emotional agility as the ability to experience emotions fully while staying flexible in our responses. In menopause, this means recognising frustration, sadness, or anxiety as natural responses to change—not as roadblocks, but as signals. By meeting these emotions with curiosity instead of judgment, we can make empowered choices about our well-being, whether through movement, breath work, lifestyle shifts, or simply giving ourselves more compassion.
Menopause isn’t just an ending but instead a doorway to a new phase of strength, wisdom, and self-awareness. And when we cultivate emotional agility, we move through it with resilience, grace, and confidence and a new dawn awaits you.
- Salema Veliu
So lets get clear about some of the definitions of both confidence and resilience.
* Confidence: Is that feeling you get when you trust yourself to handle things. It’s having your own back, knowing your stuff, whether it’s taking on a challenge, speaking up, or just being yourself without second-guessing. Confidence is that quiet belief that you can do it, even when things get tough.
* Resilience: Is the ability to bounce back when life knocks you down. It's not about never feeling knocked down, but getting back up and finding your way forward, no matter how many setbacks you face. Trying to stay open and positive even in the most challenging of instances.
Confidence isn’t about knowing it all—it’s about trusting yourself to navigate the unknown. Resilience comes from adapting and growing through challenges, not avoiding them. And emotional agility? Well that’s the ability to recognise, understand, and regulate emotions without being controlled by them. Psychologist Susan David describes it as “the skill to engage with emotions flexibly, allowing us to make thoughtful choices rather than reacting impulsively”. When we develop confidence, resilience, and emotional agility together, we don’t just withstand life’s challenges—we can grow from them.
Adapting to Change: How the Pandemic and Perimenopause Shaped My Teaching
It was during the second part of the pandemic, combined with the onset of perimenopause, that threw me into a period of confusion and self-doubt. My energy was low, and the emotional toll of both challenges made it difficult to keep up with the demands of teaching. I found myself struggling to stay motivated and connect with my students in the way I had before. The physical changes of perimenopause left me feeling disconnected from my body, while the isolation of the pandemic made it harder to find any sense of normalcy. I felt overwhelmed and out of place, unsure of how to fit my own needs into the demands of my role as a teacher.
Adapting with Intention: Listening to My Body and Mind, and Using the Psychology of Seeing to Envision a Different Life
After two decades of teaching, I knew it was time to take a step back and try something different. I recognised that I needed a break to recharge and explore other areas of interest. So, I revisited my background in vision science and psychology, and started working in clinical ophthalmology and optical settings. This shift allowed me to blend my passion for wellness with my professional expertise, creating a new perspective that enriched both my personal growth and my teaching approach. It was a refreshing change that reignited my passion and helped me reconnect with a new sense of purpose.
Understanding the Hormonal Shifts: The Science of Perimenopause and Menopause
As my body began transitioning through perimenopause, the science behind what was happening became clearer. The hormonal fluctuations—particularly the decline in estrogen and progesterone—were causing physical changes I hadn’t anticipated. Muscle loss, bone density issues, and a significant drop in energy were just some of the challenges I faced. From a scientific perspective, these changes made me feel like I was losing my grip on the control I had once had over my health and especially my teeth!
In addition to the hormonal shifts, the pandemic's impact on my mental health was profound, especially at that time as l was on my own, without family or a partner, just my ducks, nature and my good neighbours. The isolation, the uncertainty, and the stress of adapting to a new way of life all compounded my feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Moving into a new area just a few months before the pandemic struck I felt overwhelmed with no clear way out. My confidence plummeted, and it seemed like everything I had built in terms of self-trust was unraveling.
Reassessing My Health & Exercise routine: The Importance of Pilates, Strength and Yoga Conditioning
In addition to the emotional and mental toll, I began to realise that my body’s needs had changed. The once intense, dynamic yoga practices I had once relied on no longer felt supportive. Instead, I needed something less chaotic which led me to incorporate Pilates, strength training, yoga conditioning and yin yoga into my routine to support my body’s changing needs. Regaining control of my body without overexertion. They bring a much-needed sense of calm and centredness to my emotional agility.
Balancing Quiet Moments and Social Connection: Creating Harmony
During this journey, alongside my physical transformation, I realised the importance of balancing quiet moments with social interaction. During the pandemic, the isolation was intense. I found myself retreating inward, spending a lot of time in quiet reflection and journaling. Don’t get me wrong l do love spending time on my own however not quite the amount that was imposed on us. While this introspection helped me process some of the changes, it also reminded me of the importance of social connection. Something l had learn’t prior in one of my Neuroscience lectures, that humans brains are wired to be social and that it helps with longevity.
So despite my desire for solitude, I recognised that reconnecting with others was crucial for my mental health. Re-engaging with friends, family, as well as communities of women who are also navigating the challenges of perimenopause has helped me feel less isolated. Giving me a new found sense of connection, belonging and support.
Holistic and Scientific Approaches to Healing: Integrating Mind-Body Practices
Now I focus on nourishing my body with a diet rich in antioxidants, healthy fats, and protein, while essential oils like lavender and peppermint has brought me emotional balance. I also focused on breath work and zen practices to calm my racing thoughts and reduce the anxiety I was feeling. Combining these approaches allowed me to regain some of my confidence by actively nurturing both my body and mind.
Confidence Restored and The Role of the Zen Philosophy ‘skinbag’ in Menopause
Over time, as I embraced these practices and the changes in my body, I realised that my confidence wasn’t gone instead it had just transformed. The confidence I once had, rooted in certainty and control, evolved into a deeper sense of trust in the process of change. I understood that confidence doesn't mean always feeling strong or in control—it’s about trusting that you will figure it out, no matter what comes your way.
The Zen "skin bag" philosophy teaches that our body is just a temporary vessel—a shifting, impermanent form that we inhabit for a time. This idea becomes especially relevant during life transitions, like perimenopause, aging, or personal reinvention. When we cling too tightly to how things used to be—our past identities, youthful bodies, or fixed expectations—we create suffering. But when we see change as natural, just like the breath flowing in and out, we find freedom.
Instead of resisting transitions, we can meet them with curiosity and presence. The body shifts, emotions fluctuate, but our deeper self remains. By embracing impermanence, we let go of fear and step into each new phase with grace, resilience, and wisdom. After all, we are not just the skin bag—we are the awareness within it.
The Takeaway
By embracing and incorporating more Pilates, strength conditioning, Zen and balance between quiet moments and social connection, I’ve rebuilt my confidence on my own terms in a way that felt authentic to the new me. I no longer view menopause transition as something to fear or resist, but as an opportunity to redefine my strength and resilience.
Confidence isn’t about being the same person I was before—instead it’s about evolving and trusting that the changes happening within me are leading to something more empowered and aligned with who I am becoming.
Throughout this weird, wild and whacky ride, l have found the practices of: simplicity, structure and boundaries have cultivated a deeper sense of ease, empowerment and self-trust. Confidence doesn’t have to mean having all the answers; it’s about trusting the journey and knowing you will find your way eventually! And more importantly knowing that it’s ok not to know, thank you Elena Brower.
NOW!
Moving forward with new projects, like pursuing my Pilates Diploma and diving deeper into hormonal health coaching, l am rebuilding my confidence. These opportunities are pushing me to expand my knowledge, refine my skills, and embrace new challenges. Each step I take in these areas is not only enhancing my professional growth but also reigniting that sense of empowerment and self-belief I thought I had lost. As I continue to grow in these fields, I’m excited to share what I’ve learn’t and learning to inspire others.
Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it.
Book Recommendation
* Emotional Agility by Susan David
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
To me, that’s what a real partnership is all about being able to talk openly about things that matter instead of shutting down and pulling away.
Sharing how I feel whether it’s fatigue, the need for space, or a desire for support has not only strengthened my relationship but also created a safe space where both of us feel seen, heard, and valued. True intimacy isn’t just about being together it’s about understanding each other fully. Furthermore, its about learning together to navigate change.
Testosterone is a hormone we make naturally but declines with age in both women and men and while not every man experiences severe symptoms, lifestyle factors like stress, poor diet, and lack of exercise can often make the effects more noticeable. But the good news? Healthy habits, hormone testing, and open communication can help manage and support this transition.
Health, Hormones & Beyond: The Power of Balance
True health isn’t just about diet and exercise it’s about balance in all aspects of life. Hormones, the body’s chemical messengers, regulate everything from energy and metabolism to mood and sleep. When they’re in sync, you feel vibrant, clear-headed, and strong. But when you are experiencing stress, poor sleep, or unhealthy habits they are thrown off balance, you may experience fatigue, brain fog, weight changes, and emotional ups and downs as a result.
Zen practices like meditation, breath work, and mindfulness can help regulate cortisol, the stress hormone, which in excess can lead to anxiety, inflammation, and disrupted sleep. Taking even a few minutes daily to center yourself can create a ripple effect, promoting clarity, calmness, and better overall health and enhance your relationships with others.
The Role of Relationships in Hormonal Balance
Equally important are relationships—the invisible threads that weave our emotional and physical well-being together. Strong, meaningful connections release oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” which helps reduce stress, enhance mood, and support heart health. Healthy relationships also help regulate dopamine and serotonin levels, which contribute to feelings of happiness and motivation.
Hormonal shifts can impact relationships in profound ways. For example:
* Women’s hormonal fluctuations (due to menstrual cycles, pregnancy, or menopause) can affect mood, energy, and emotional needs. Understanding and communicating these shifts with a partner can help build emotional intimacy and patience.
* Men’s hormonal changes, especially during midlife, often go unnoticed but can have a big impact. Testosterone levels naturally decline after 30, and by midlife, men may experience irritability, lower motivation, changes in libido, and emotional withdrawal—sometimes referred to as andropause or “male menopause.”
NOURISH U with Salema Veliu is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Navigating Midlife Hormonal Changes in Men & Strengthening Relationships
For men in midlife, hormonal fluctuations can lead to shifts in confidence, mood, and connection with their partners. This can sometimes create distance in relationships, especially if emotional changes are misunderstood or ignored. Here are some ways to nurture relationships during these transitions:
* Open Communication – Talking openly about emotions, stressors, and needs can strengthen a relationship, especially when hormones impact mood or energy. Creating a safe space for vulnerability is key.
* Physical Connection – Whether it’s intimacy, holding hands, or simply spending quality time together, physical connection boosts oxytocin, reduces stress, and fosters closeness.
* Shared Activities – Engaging in new experiences together, such as travel, hobbies, or fitness routines, can reignite excitement and strengthen bonds. Exercise, in particular, can help men maintain healthy testosterone levels.
* Mindfulness & Emotional Awareness – Practicing mindfulness together, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help both partners manage stress and hormonal fluctuations with more patience and understanding.
* Nutritional & Lifestyle Support – A diet rich in healthy fats, lean proteins, and micronutrients (like zinc and magnesium) can support testosterone levels in men. Meanwhile, reducing alcohol and sugar can help stabilise mood and energy.
At the core of it all, health isn’t just about what you eat or how much you move—it’s about how you live, love, and find peace within. By prioritising mindfulness, nourishing your body, cultivating meaningful relationships, and understanding the role hormones play, you don’t just survive—you thrive. ✨
Thank you for being here, reading, listening and sharing my work. I hope you may benefit in some way from the insights and practices provided to help you navigate your personal and life’s ever changing landscape.
Thanks for reading NOURISH U with Salema Veliu! This post is public so feel free to share it.
Back to November 2024, after finally finding a dentist, l was informed after a very thorough examination that l needed a Root Canal, and some treatment for my gums, although my mouth was Cancer free. Did l mention all of this happened a few days before my flight to Costa Rica, so l was advised against having the root canal or the other option, an extraction until l returned.
Meanwhile the lovely dentist gave me two courses of antibiotics, including a spare box to take with me to clear the infection which had spread. However, upon my return l was in so much pain, this time the same side as the infected bottom tooth but the upper jaw. Again my lovely dentist (so lucky l found him) said hmm, you have an infection in a small pocketing area, which we need to attend too asap and you must go to the hygienist. By this time l was almost in tears, frightened that finally my mouth and teeth were giving up on me. Or perhaps, they were instead trying to signal me to take prompt action to protect my overall general health.
Finally, we decided we could not save my tooth as the infection had penetrated deeper than we first thought, so an extraction was recommended and successfully achieved. Thankfully l’m now on a treatment plan with the dental therapist for some major treatments with my gums so l can save my bones…..l’m on my way to restoring balance in my mouth and hopefully helping my general health in the process.
Warning signs to visit the dentist, periodontal health, and HRT
A bit in denial, l thought oh l’ll be ok my teeth have always been ok, but l wasn’t really being truthful to myself, why? Well because l had noticed that l had been waking up with a awful dry mouth and seemed to have a burning sensation in my mouth that just seemed to come out of nowhere.
Moreover, there was just something different about how my mouth was feeling in general. Women are often more intuitive than men when it comes to things like that. On closer inspection, l began to see my gums were beginning to recede and bleed, something that l didn’t have before.
Dental anxiety began to creep in and then slowly overtake my thoughts, giving me mini panic attacks and a real fear for the dentist (something that l had never had before).
So what was happening?
Is/was there a connection between Menopause and oral symptoms?
Furthermore, have you ever considered that the build up of harmful bacteria can also contribute to vulnerability for heart and neurological conditions such as strokes and heart disease.
In a review of oral health and menopause data, the most common oral health symptom was periodontal health, with up to 60% of women experiencing symptoms [2]. Periodontal heath refers to that of the gums and connective tissues, which can experience significant change during the menopause.
If your mouth is dry, you may notice clicking or difficulty in speaking, food may not taste the same and the dryness can affect swallowing. Overall, your mouth can feel more sensitive and your gums may bleed more when brushing.
Chronic gum problems can lead to destruction of the bone supporting your teeth, known as periodontitis. Gum disease is the leading cause of tooth loss – studies have suggested more than one in four (28%) post-menopausal women are likely to suffer from tooth loss within five years [3].
- Dentist Dr Shabnam Zai
The problems that l personally experienced is what finally lead me to start taking HRT. Within 48 hours something miraculous happened, l woke up on the 3rd morning with no more dry and burning mouth and reduced pain. After researching deeper, l found that it is the lack of oestrogen and progesterone that can impact and reduce production of saliva and increase inflammation which can cause other dental problems.
What’s interesting here is that there does appear to be a link via one study that taking the good HRT (body identical) lowers/reduces periodontal disease.
2. Dutt P, Chaudhary S, Kumar P. (2013), ‘Oral health and menopause: a comprehensive review on current knowledge and associated dental management’, Ann Med Health Sci Res. Jul; 3(3):320-3. doi: 10.4103/2141-9248.117926
3. Bole C, Wactawski-Wende J, Hovey KM, Genco RJ, Hausmann E. Clinical and community risk models of incident tooth loss in postmenopausal women from the Buffalo Osteo Perio Study. Community Dent Oral Epidemiol. 2010 Dec;38(6):487-97. doi: 10.1111/j.1600-0528.2010.00555.
4. Dutt P, Chaudhary S, Kumar P. (2013), ‘Oral health and menopause: a comprehensive review on current knowledge and associated dental management’, Ann Med Health Sci Res. Jul; 3(3):320-3. doi: 10.4103/2141-9248.117926
Other Key Facts
* If you floss just once a week (the recommendation of course is for every day) have a significant lower risk of a stroke and developing atrial fibrillation.
* Researchers now believe that reducing oral bacteria and gum inflammation may play a role in protection brain and heart health.
Tips to get your mouth back on track during perimenopause, menopause and beyond
l was shocked when l finally got to see my dental therapist told and he told me that l was simply not cleaning my teeth correctly! He then preceded to show me really in great depth and detail when to clean and how.
A few of my takeaways from the my last 3 months on this journey:
* Speak to your doctor if you are either not on HRT or perhaps on a lower dosage and having any of the symptoms.
* Make more of an effort to have regular screening with a dentist every 6 months if you are experiencing any of the problems l’ve listed.
* In addition seek a professional that has experience in Dental Therapy as well as Dental Hygiene, as they train in dental/bone anatomy diagnosis.
* Review your teeth cleaning with your dental hygienist.
* Check when you last changed your tooth head (if electric) and the shape, l was told l was using the wrong shape for my mouth surprisingly. (New electric toothbrush Oral IOS 6 incoming as we speak).
* Start Dry brushing, wiggle the dry brush around the gum tooth outline and in between to remove the brown slime which is the bacteria.
* Use electric flossers and normal flossing
* My favourite the Tepe bristle flossers.
* Oil pulling (with coconut oil), although some dentists may not agree the ones l’ve spoken too generally do recommend using because of the anti bacterial benefits. Basically you swish 10ml or a tablespoon of oil around your mouth for 10-20 minutes, then spit out into a bin not in the sink as otherwise it will clog up your pipes. I generally do 10-15 minutes a day. YOU DO NOT INGEST IT!
* The idea is that the bacteria which is like a light brown slime that can cause tooth decay, gum disease and a whole load of dental nasties is then removed naturally, rooted from the Ayurvedic tradition the results are positive. Using this practice also helps boost your immune system and fight inflammation (something that we experience more of during the menopause cycle. Oh and did l mention it also whitens your teeth naturally.
So if something doesn’t feel right, make some notes and then go see a professional.
Conclusion
More research needs to be taken into the role of hormones in Oral Health, therefore please do kindly share or comment if this resonates or you know of anyone struggling with the general/dental health. Lets advocate to protect our teeth, bones, brain and heart during these years.
Dr. Jen Gunter saw your recent post so l wanted to contribute my personal experience of these issues.
VISION AND MENOPAUSE
l’ve now written a few pieces that have introduced considerations for Vision Health especially in perimenopause and menopause, you can check them out below.
You might also want to check out my free mini ebook blending Vision Science and Holistic Practices for healthy eyes, below. Learn more about the meridian’s, Acupuncture points, diet and nutrition for the Organs related to Vision.
Thank you for being here, reading, listening and sharing my work. I hope you may benefit in some way from the insights and practices provided to help you navigate your personal and life’s ever changing landscape.
Nourishing Life is a combination of a contemplative podcast exploring the curiosities and complexities of life, providing various insights from science, nature, zen & various philosophies to help heal and inspire longevity. All of this coming to you from my floating lodge on the water in Cambridge, England.
If you would like to show your appreciation and continue to support my work then please consider the below.
Discover shows related to LIVING AN EMBODIED LIFE (private feed for salemayoga@icloud.com), based on actual content similarities. Explore podcasts with similar topics, themes, and formats, backed by real data.
