Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect – Details, episodes & analysis

A quiet shift in someone’s routine can be the loudest alarm. We sit down with retired detective and crisis negotiator Nicky Hurdley to unpack how frontline negotiation skills translate into everyday conversations when a friend, teen, colleague, or partner might be suicidal. Instead of scripts or clichés, we focus on the human core: notice subtle changes, echo the exact words you hear, validate feelings without rushing to fix, and give time in low-pressure spaces like side-by-side walks.

Nicky Hurdley shares practical ways to spot “throwaway” lines—those casual phrases that carry heavy meaning—and how to circle back without judgment. We explore why pep talks can backfire and how validation creates immediate relief. We dive into the Kubler Ross grief model as a living map for crisis: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Emotions don’t follow a neat order, and they loop; understanding that helps you avoid solving the wrong problem. You’ll learn how to slow a heated moment, use silence as a tool, and ask calm, direct safety questions that don’t “put ideas” in anyone’s head.

We also get tactical: how to create time when life is busy, why side-by-side conversations are less threatening than face-to-face, and how to co-create small next steps—from booking a GP to texting a trusted friend—without taking control away. Above all, we anchor on two principles that change outcomes: kindness and respect. They signal dignity, reduce loneliness, and make it easier for someone to tell the truth.

If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs practical language, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. Your words might be the reason another listener finds the courage to start a lifesaving talk.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

What would you say if someone you love hinted they might not want to stay? We sit down with Sue Williams—former head of the Hostage and Kidnap Units at Scotland Yard—who brings 35 years of crisis negotiation to a question many of us fear: how do you talk about suicide with care, courage, and clarity?

Sue breaks down the essentials with a precision that feels human, not clinical. We explore how to prepare when time allows, from choosing a calm setting to mapping likely replies and gathering support contacts before you need them. You’ll learn the do’s—gentle I statements, open questions, reflective listening—and the vital don’ts that shatter trust, like minimising pain, rushing to fix, or saying I know how you feel. We unpack why meaning lives in how words are received, not what we intend, and how tone, pace, and authenticity can steady a conversation at the edge.

The heart of the episode is a vivid rooftop story at dawn: a man ready to jump, a negotiator keeping distance and focus, and a sunrise over London’s rooftops that opens a quiet doorway back to safety. It’s a reminder that presence often matters more than perfect phrasing, and that empathy—used to build real emotional connection—can shift someone from despair toward the next small step. We talk about scanning for triggers, reinforcing positive anchors, validating their reality without judgment, and treating trust like glass: once cracked, never quite the same.

If you’ve been looking for practical language, confidence to ask direct questions, and a way to be there without trying to fix everything, this conversation offers tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with someone who might need it, and leave a review telling us which insight you’ll keep at the ready for when it matters most.

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

Episode 89 - Values and beliefs by The Communication CoachResources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

Episode 88- How to have difficult conversations by The Communication CoachResources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

In this episode Nicky chats to Jo Berry. Jo's father, Sir Anthony Berry, was killed by an IRA bomb in 1984.In 2000 Jo met the man who had planted the bomb, Patrick Magee. This is her amazing story which touches on so many aspects of communication and being human. It's hard to describe this story so the best thing to do is listen as Jo tells it in her own words.Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

In this track Nicky explains why she believes communication is such an important skill and yet one of the core functions of every day that gets forgotten about. When we speak to each other it's generally from an unconscious place and we don't think about the words we are saying or how we are approaching the conversation. When we become more conscious in our communication we can leave people feeling empowered, valued and validated.Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

In this episode Nicky looks at 5 steps you can take when having difficult conversations and help you to be heard.The last year and this most recent lockdown has been a challenge for everyone and sometimes this affects our relationships and our ability to communicate with others.Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

In this episode Nicky gives you five tips to help you become more confident in your conversations. Perhaps you struggle to be heard in meetings or at home, or do you struggle to get your message across in meetings.Actions for you to take:1. Practice2. Listen to what other people say and then reflect back what you have heard.3. Quietening your inner dialogue4. Being present5. Make it about the other personResources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

In this episode Nicky looks at how we can negotiate with our kids especially in during lockdown.She gives 3 tips; remember our conversation comes from our own point of view, being present, listening.She also shares the plane Please Listen by Leo BuscagliaResources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection. 

As we enter the second month of this current lockdown, relationships are beginning to breakdown as people struggle with home schooling and working from home. Families have forgotten to make quality and fun time for each other as this way of life becomes the new normal. In this episode Nicky gives us four tips on how to communicate with our families during lockdown.Resources & support (UK)

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

 Explore more tools & training:
 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com

 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide

 — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.