Dive into the complete episode list for How To Deal. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
Guiding Young Hearts: Helping Children Through Loss
14 Jun 2023
00:20:51
In this insightful talk, Eli explores the multifaceted concept of loss from a child's perspective, providing parents and caregivers with a comprehensive framework to understand and aid children during these challenging times. From the little losses to the big ones, discover strategies and insights to navigate these poignant moments in a child's life.
Mastering Your Calm: A Parents Guide to Co-Regulation
22 May 2023
00:16:04
In this episode, we'll delve into calming yourself when a loved one is upset, exploring the parent-child dynamic of co-regulation and debunking misconceptions about calmness.
For full episode please become a member of the Nerd Herd. Details can be found at www.attachmentnerd.com
How to Repair With Your Child When You Are the One Who Messed Up
17 May 2023
00:06:50
In this episode, we dive deep into a very personal, yet universal, parenting experience. Our host shares her journey of miscommunication and repair with her son, revealing the raw and tender dynamics of the parent-child relationship.
We discuss how easily we can misread situations, and how a moment of jest can turn into a moment of distress. But more importantly, we explore the aftermath: the process of owning our mistakes, acknowledging the impact, and working towards mending the rupture.
We delve into the steps of making repairs, from granting space for our children to express their feelings to understanding their needs for reparation. We also highlight the importance of public acknowledgment of our mistakes, a key component of the social fabric of our lives.
Finally, we address the importance of not beating ourselves up when we falter and the need for patience as repairs may take time. This episode is a true testament to the fact that it's not about never messing up, but about how we rise and recover when we do.
So, join us on this enlightening journey, as we learn, grow, and together, continue to become better parents, one repair at a time.
Taming Tiny Tempers: Helping Kids Manage Anger
02 May 2023
00:08:12
Dive into this episode as we explore effective strategies for co-regulating and guiding children through their emotional journey. Discover how empathy and understanding can foster a nurturing environment that supports emotional growth, equipping kids with the tools they need to express and manage their anger in healthy ways.
Stressed by parenting struggles? I get it. That's why I created Attachment Nerd's all-in-one approach, providing expert coaching, essential resources, and a warm community.
Like many satisfied parents, you can build deep connections and overcome day-to-day hurdles. Let's embark on this journey together at Attachmentnerd.com
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How to Deal with Parenting When You’re Trying to Break Cycles (with My Mom, Babs Slaton)
12 Jan 2026
00:22:04
What would you tell your younger mom self?
In this deeply personal first episode, Eli sits down with **Babs Slaton, MA, LPC**—fellow therapist, colleague at the PASS Center, and the original cycle breaker in Eli's family. Babs was the first person in their family system to look around at the dysfunction and say, "This feels insecure. We need to figure something out."
Babs shares the five things she wishes someone had told her when she was a young mom in the trenches—wisdom refined through decades of parenting, therapy, and watching her grandchildren thrive.
How To Deal With Big Kids and Bigger Feelings | with Alyssa Campbell
18 Jan 2026
00:42:49
Your kid finally learned to regulate their emotions... and then they turned 8 and it all fell apart. Sound familiar?
In this episode, Eli sits down with Alyssa Campbell—co-author of the New York Times bestseller Tiny Humans, Big Feelings and her new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings—to unpack why the pre-teen years hit so differently (and why your biases might be making it worse).
They dive into:
Why that "calm period" around age 6-7 doesn't last (and what's actually happening in your kid's brain)
How to parent when your sensory needs are completely opposite your child's
The difference between entitlement and dysregulation (spoiler: it's usually the second one)
Why "attention-seeking" behavior is actually a need, not a want
A free tool to understand your (and your kid's) unique nervous system
Whether you have neurotypical or neurodivergent kids, this conversation will change how you see those eye rolls, door slams, and "attitudes."
How to Deal With Bias as Parents | Destini Ann Davis
29 Jan 2026
01:09:39
We all have biases. Every single one of us.
They're the mental shortcuts our brains built when we were young—and most of us never thought to question them. But what happens when your child starts forming their own identity, and it challenges everything you thought you believed?
In this episode, Eli sits down with Destini Ann Davis—bestselling author of Very Intentional Parenting, certified parenting coach, and creator to unpack how our unexamined biases can quietly erode secure attachment with our kids.
They dive into:
Why ALL humans have biases (and why that's not the same as being "bad")
The difference between recognizing bias and acting on it
How proximity and diverse exposure actually rewires our brains
Why "distance breeds suspicion, but proximity breeds empathy" (Tyler Merritt)
Teaching kids to pause and get curious instead of react with judgment
How authenticity about our own biases creates deeper connections
Whether it's biases about race, gender, neurodivergence, body size, or a hundred other things—this conversation will help you examine what you're unconsciously passing on.
Destini Ann Davis is a certified parenting coach, bestselling author, and speaker who helps parents create intentional, connected relationships with their children through her "Very Intentional Parenting" approach. Her TikTok has grown to over 900K followers, and she recently earned her master's in psychology.
📚 PRE-ORDER ELI'S NEW BOOK:"How to Deal With Your ____, So Your Kids Don't Have To: An Encyclopedia for Ditching Your Emotional Baggage" (April 2026) 👉 https://www.attachmentnerd.com/how-to-deal-book
How to Deal with Safety Without Scaring Your Kids | With Dannah Eve,
05 Feb 2026
00:48:34
In this powerful conversation, safety expert Dannah Eve, known as The Street Smart Blonde with over 4 million followers, combines her academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights. We explore practical strategies for keeping our families safe without living in constant fear.
## Key Takeaways
- **Live aware, not in fear** - Dannah's motto emphasizes empowerment over paranoia
- **The What If Game** - Turn safety preparation into engaging family activities
- **Lying to survive** - Teaching kids when dishonesty protects their safety
- **Family code words** - Essential communication tools for emergencies
- **Trust your gut instinct** - Developing intuition as a safety muscle
- **Connection as protection** - Being your child's safe space builds trust
## About the Guest
**Dannah Eve** is a trusted safety expert and digital creator known as The Street Smart Blonde. As a former D1 athlete and Summa Cum Laude graduate in Criminology and Psychology, she combines academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights to her rapidly growing audience of over 4 million followers across her social media platforms.
How to Deal with Mom Guilt | With Jessica Tomich Sorci
13 Feb 2026
00:30:18
Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT and creator of the Mom Parts Method, shares insights on transforming mom guilt and shame using Internal Family Systems therapy. She reveals why these painful feelings aren't signs of failure, but actually pathways to healing both ourselves and our mothering.
Key Takeaways
Guilt has purpose: It's a reminder when we've acted outside our values and creates opportunity for repair
Shame points to old wounds: Shame is a "bookmark for your unmet needs" from childhood that still need healing
Motherhood activates everything: Kids are like "heat-seeking hovercrafts" for our unresolved issues, making motherhood both triggering and healing
You're mothering two kids: You're always mothering your actual child plus your inner child who still needs care
Parts are trying to help: Even our "worst" internal parts are actually trying to protect and help us, they just need updating
About the Guest
Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT, is a pioneer in maternal mental health who created the Mom Parts method, applying Internal Family Systems therapy to motherhood. As a Level 3 Certified IFS Therapist and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional, she brings deep expertise to helping mothers transform difficult emotions into self-compassion.
How to Teach Young Kids About Body Safety & Consent | With Jayneen Sanders
27 Feb 2026
00:35:54
How to Deal with Teaching Kids Body Safety & Consent | Jayneen SandersEpisode Summary
In this deeply important conversation, Eli sits down with internationally acclaimed children's book author and publisher Jayneen Sanders to explore how parents can teach body safety, consent, and boundaries to children of all ages — from infancy through the teen years. Together they discuss why body autonomy is one of the most powerful tools we can give our kids, how grooming actually works, and what we can do to raise children who trust their instincts and feel safe coming to us.
Key Takeaways
Start from birth. You can begin narrating body care to infants — "I'm moving your arm to put your jacket on" — planting the seeds of body autonomy from day one.
Use the word 'consent' with young children. Teaching kids that no one can enter their personal space without permission — and that they must ask too — is the foundation of body safety.
Be a warrior parent. When grandparents or other adults override your child's physical boundaries (the forced hug), speak up. Protecting body autonomy in the moment is not rude — it's essential.
Teach the four-step boundary response: Name the boundary that was crossed → Share how it made you feel → State what you want them to do → Know your next step (tell a trusted adult).
Teach body warning signs. Kids' bodies give them signals — a sick stomach, shakiness, or an "icky" feeling — when something is wrong. Empower children to act on those signals immediately.
Build a safety network of 3–5 trusted adults, including at least one outside the immediate family, so children always have someone to turn to.
Check in regularly, not anxiously. Monthly low-pressure check-ins ("Has anyone made you uncomfortable lately?") keep communication open without creating fear.
Prevention is far easier than treatment. A child who discloses abuse and is believed experiences significantly less long-term trauma than one who cannot tell anyone.
Read books together and keep the conversation going. Books give children visual anchors and open the door to ongoing dialogue — which is where the real protection lives.
It takes a village. Ask your child's school and childcare center about their safety policies and background check procedures.
About the Guest
Jayneen Sanders is an experienced educator, author, and publisher who advocates globally for Body Safety, Gender Equality, and Respectful Relationship Education. She founded Educate2Empower Publishing and has written over 100 children's books on critical topics including body safety and consent. Her first body safety book, Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept, was published 15 years ago and is now available in 7 languages.
How to Deal with Our Highly Sensitive Kids | With Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings
20 Feb 2026
00:40:45
How to Deal with Raising a Highly Sensitive or Neurodivergent KidEpisode Summary
Eli sits down with Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings, to dig into one of the most misunderstood parenting challenges: raising a child who feels everything — deeply, loudly, and fully. Together they unpack what it really means to have a "big feeler" in your home, why the goal was never to make sensitive kids less sensitive, and the three most powerful things parents can do to help these kids thrive.
Key Takeaways
There's a spectrum of sensitivity. Big feelers aren't just one type of kid — some push their feelings outward (intensity, drive), others turn them inward (overwhelm, collapse). Knowing your child's pattern matters.
First step: rule out or rule in neurodivergence. Many highly sensitive kids are also autistic, have ADHD, or both. Getting clarity on how your child's brain works is one of the most powerful gifts you can give them.
Believe your child. When the slide feels terrifying or the smell of salami is physically painful, validate it. Children who are believed learn to trust and advocate for themselves.
Teach the Zones of Regulation. Help your child identify what zone they're in (red, yellow, green) and what they need in that state — this is more powerful than simply validating feelings.
Diagnosis = understanding, not a verdict. Labels give children language, resources, and permission to stop wondering "what's wrong with me?"
Your home can be the safe haven the world isn't. You may not be able to change the world for your big feeler, but you can make home a place where they don't have to mask.
Resilience doesn't come from masking. It comes from authentic connection, belonging, and supported coping — not from teaching kids to suppress who they are.
Let them bloom on their own timeline. Attuning to your child and meeting their nervous system where it is creates the safety from which real growth — extroversion, advocacy, friendship — can organically emerge.
About the Guest
Kristin Gallant is a parent coach and co-founder of Big Little Feelings, one of the most trusted parenting resources on the internet. Alongside her business partner Deena Margolin (a licensed child therapist), Kristin has created research-backed, parent-approved courses used by over 500,000 families. Diagnosed with ADHD at 37, and a mom to an autistic child, Kristin brings both professional expertise and deeply personal experience to her work. Her newest course, the Big Feelers Program, was built specifically for parents of highly sensitive, ADHD, and autistic kids.
How To Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of Cults | With NXIVM Whistleblowers Sarah & Nippy
06 Mar 2026
00:39:17
How to Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of CultsEpisode Summary
In this powerful episode, host Eli welcomes NXIVM whistleblowers and A Little Bit Culty podcast hosts Sarah Edmondson and Anthony "Nippy" Ames to talk about what cultic abuse actually looks like — and more importantly, what parents can do to help protect their children from it. Together, they explore the psychology of manipulation, the red flags every parent should know, and how raising kids who can question authority may be one of the greatest protective gifts we can give them.
Key Takeaways
Cults start with inspiration, not coercion. The first step into a high-control group almost always feels meaningful — like joining a movement or community that's changing the world.
It can happen to anyone. Cults often recruit high-achieving, charismatic individuals — not just vulnerable or uneducated people. Intelligence is not a shield.
The real red flag isn't the group — it's the behavior. Look for: inability to question authority, isolation from family/friends, love bombing, "us vs. them" thinking, and a "one true way" belief system.
Teach kids to spot tricky behaviors, not tricky people. Abusers are often well-respected members of society — coaches, pastors, teachers. Teach kids that it's the behavior that's the warning sign, not the person.
Secrets vs. surprises. A great framework for kids: surprises feel light and exciting; secrets feel heavy. Secrets are not good for our hearts.
Love bombing + future faking = a manipulation pattern. Excessive praise, special treatment, and promises that never come true are a recognizable sequence used by predators.
Raising empowered kids is inconvenient — and worth it. Children who are allowed to question authority, express preferences, and push back learn to recognize when something feels wrong.
If you're worried about a group, don't go to the leader. Seek out former members, look on Reddit, and find outside voices before confronting the situation from inside.
About the Guests
Sarah Edmondson is a Canadian actress and podcaster who spent 12 years inside NXIVM before blowing the whistle and helping bring down cult leader Keith Raniere. She is featured in HBO's The Vow documentary series and is the author of the memoir Scarred. She co-hosts A Little Bit Culty podcast with her husband Nippy.
Anthony "Nippy" Ames is a former NXIVM member turned whistleblower, featured prominently in HBO's The Vow. He is the Executive Producer of A Little Bit Culty podcast.
How To Be a Secure Parent in the Midst of a Crisis
22 Mar 2026
00:19:07
Episode Summary
In this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids.
Key Takeaways
Your job isn't to remove fear — it's to make sure your child doesn't feel alone in it. Saying "everything's fine" when it isn't is a dismissal; acknowledging "this feels hard" is connection.
Attachment systems exist for moments of threat. Crisis doesn't break attachment — it activates it.
Act on what you can control, then become emotional support. Take practical steps to remove real threat, but once you've done what you can, your presence is the intervention.
Distinguish removing threat from removing discomfort. We aren't supposed to shield our kids from all discomfort — we're meant to protect them from real danger and walk alongside them through the rest.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Your nervous system needs co-regulation too. Lean on your community so you can show up for your kids.
Imperfection is part of the process. Crisis is messy. Keep returning to connection — that returning is what secure attachment feels like to a child.
The 'Good Enough Parent' is one who keeps coming back. D.W. Winnicott's concept reminds us that reliability and repair matter far more than perfection.
About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (MA, LPC), known as @attachmentnerd, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and Child Psychology Award winner with 19+ years of clinical experience. She is a mom of three and the creator of Attachment Nerd, a community of 1.2M+ caregivers worldwide. Eli translates peer-reviewed attachment research into plain-language tools that help parents build trust, connection, and resilience with their kids — without shame or blame.
How to Deal with Clutter & Be a More Present Parent | With Katy Wells
15 Mar 2026
00:36:50
How to Deal with Clutter (ft. Katy Joy Wells)Episode Summary
Feeling overwhelmed by your home — and how it's affecting your ability to show up for your kids? In this episode, Eli welcomes holistic decluttering expert and author Katy Joy Wells to explore the surprising connection between a cluttered home and your capacity to be a present, secure parent. Katy breaks down the four types of clutter, explains why popular decluttering methods keep failing, and gives you two practical habits you can start today — no weekend overhaul required.
Key Takeaways
Clutter isn't just about stuff. It steals your time, energy, and ability to connect with your kids — and there's real science behind it.
There are 4 types of clutter — superficial, scarcity, sentimental, and identity — and each requires a different strategy. Applying the wrong tool to the wrong type is why most methods fail.
We don't just buy things — we buy stories, emotions, and beliefs about ourselves. Understanding what's driving your accumulation is the key to stopping the cycle.
The "good enough home" (inspired by D.W. Winnicott's attachment concept) gives you permission to release shame and focus on what actually matters.
Mess is expected. Clutter is optional. Neither says anything about your worth as a parent.
Start with two habits: Set up a permanent donation station, and practice daily "clutter audits" built into your existing routine.
Action creates motivation — not the other way around. You don't need to feel motivated to start; you just need to start.
How To Use Music and Rhythm To Regulate Ourselves and Our Kids | With Kira Wiley
03 Apr 2026
00:26:28
Episode Summary
Did you know humming can literally lower your heart rate in the middle of a parenting meltdown? In this episode, Eli is joined by bestselling children's music artist and mindfulness expert Kira Willey to unpack the science of why rhythm is one of the most powerful regulation tools available to parents and kids — and how to start using it today.
From butterfly taps to transition songs to the Ha Ha Hyena game, Kira shares practical, playful, and science-backed strategies that work with how children's brains actually develop — through music, movement, and imagination. Whether you're in the middle of a chaotic morning routine or trying to head off a bedtime meltdown, this episode will change the way you think about the music already in your life.
Key Takeaways
Rhythm is structure — the organized, predictable beat of music has a biologically calming effect on the nervous system, even in babies.
Humming is a secret superpower — a 2023 study found humming lowers heart rate and increases heart rate variability (HRV), activating the parasympathetic nervous system and reducing stress.
Butterfly taps work — rhythmic self-tapping (crossing arms and gently patting your own shoulders) can bring groundedness during moments of high frustration.
Music bypasses words — instead of talking at dysregulated kids, music engages entirely different parts of the brain, bringing more attention and focus.
Transition songs are magic — a simple song tied to getting in the car, cleaning up toys, or sitting down to dinner creates predictability and reduces meltdowns.
Music creates durable memories — information set to melody is remembered differently in the brain. People with dementia can still sing their wedding song when they can't remember family members' names.
Singing together releases oxytocin — communal music-making (even just humming or clapping) releases the love and trust hormone, lowers collective heart rate, and builds genuine connection.
You are the DJ of your home's vibe — music is the fastest, easiest tool you have to set the emotional tone of any room, any moment.
Practice tools before you need them — teach kids breathing games and rhythm exercises during calm times so those tools are ready when big feelings hit.
How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie AssaEpisode Summary
Parenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently.
Key Takeaways
Play belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and space for it.
Boredom isn't a failure. When your child says "I'm bored," it can be a bid for connection — and it's a sign you've reserved unstructured time for them.
Be a mirror, not an entertainer. When kids invite you into play, give the control back: "Tell me what the puppy does."
Play pockets work. Bring open-ended materials to where life already happens in your home — the kitchen, laundry room, even the bathroom cabinet.
Less really is more. Too many toys create decision fatigue and actually prevent kids from entering deep imaginative play.
Independent play is a skill that takes practice. Like learning to read, it needs gradual scaffolding — not a scheduled demand.
Close the loop. Come back after the play session to notice and name what your child accomplished. This builds play confidence.
About the Guest
Lizzie Assa, MS Ed is a parenting coach, former preschool teacher, and founder of The Workspace for Children — a platform followed by over 200K parents on Instagram. She is the author of But I'm Bored!: Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient Kids (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2026), which she also narrated as an audiobook.
How To Make a Parenting U-Turn | With Wendy Synder
10 Apr 2026
00:30:56
Episode Summary
If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Is it too late? Have I already done too much damage?" — this episode is for you. Eli sits down with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family and author of the brand-new book Fresh Start Your Family, to talk about the most hopeful truth in parenting: it is never too late to start over. Wendy shares her own raw journey from a reactive, overwhelmed mom to a parenting educator who has helped thousands of families worldwide break the cycle of fear-based discipline — and she brings the receipts, the real stories, and the practical tools to prove it.
Key Takeaways
You are not failing — your nervous system is repeating what it knows. When you snap, yell, or fall back into old patterns, it's not a character flaw. It's a conditioned response. Self-compassion is the first step to change, not a luxury.
Failure is just unfinished success. Mistakes — yours and your kids' — are opportunities to learn, not evidence that you're a bad parent. 99% of mistakes are repairable.
Your nervous system chooses the comfortable hell over the uncomfortable heaven — until it gets enough data that something new is safe. Change is possible, but it takes consistent small steps and community support.
Repair is greater than perfection. A true repair includes: owning your part, affirming your child's dignity ("You don't deserve to be spoken to that way"), sharing what you're learning, and doing a make-up — an act of service to restore the relationship.
Strong-willed kids are cycle breakers. They are the ones who force the change. Their resistance to fear-based tactics is a feature, not a bug.
A fresh start is available at every age — with toddlers, tweens, teens, and yes, even as an adult child with aging parents. Humility + willingness = the beginning of change.
True leadership isn't certainty and control — it's maintaining connection while holding dignity for the whole family.
📖 The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips — Referenced for her work on nervous system, emotions, and healing (NYT & WSJ Bestseller, featured on Oprah's Super Soul Podcast)
🌿 Dr. Anita Phillips – Website — Trauma therapist, minister, and thought leader at the intersection of mental health, faith, and culture
How To Deal With Your Child’s Sensory Needs | With Tia Gamelin
17 Apr 2026
00:40:43
Episode Summary
In this deeply insightful episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent.
Key Takeaways
Behavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhelmed and needs support.
There are 8 senses, not 5. In addition to sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, children also rely on the vestibular system (inner gyroscope/movement), proprioception (body position in space), and interoception (internal body signals linked to emotional regulation).
The sensory traffic jam: In children with sensory processing differences, sensory signals don't travel smoothly — they get "jammed," making the world feel confusing, frightening, and overwhelming.
Environment is everything. Tia's EAR Triangle (Environment → Activity → Response) teaches us to look at the physical, temporal, and social environment first before trying to change a child's behavior.
Neurodivergence is not a disorder — it's a difference. Dr. Nancy Doyle's research argues that if neurodivergence only created disability, it would not persist in the gene pool. These are specialist thinkers the world needs.
Disability vs. impairment: People have impairments; environments create disability. Our job is to modify the environment, not fix the child.
Co-regulation is not a crutch. Children — and even adults — borrow regulated states from trusted others. Helping a dysregulated child feel safe IS the intervention.
Visual schedules work. When a child is dysregulated, meaningful speech is the first thing they lose. Pictures and visual tools bypass the verbal brain and help organize their world.
Guardrails aren't restrictive — they're freeing. Structure and predictability lower the cognitive load for neurodivergent kids so they can actually show up and learn.
You are also on this journey. Parenting a neurodivergent child often surfaces your own unidentified sensory needs and processing differences. Grace for yourself is part of the work.
About the Guest
Tia Gamelin, OTR/L, ADHD-CCSP is a mother of four with over 22 years of experience as a neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist specializing in sensory integration and supporting twice-exceptional learners. She is passionate about the Montessori approach and brings a holistic, joyful lens to helping kids and families thrive.
📗 Jean Ayres — Sensory Integration and the Child (25th Anniversary Edition) The foundational text by the mother of sensory integration theory. Essential reading for parents of kids with sensory processing differences. Amazon link
🔬 Dr. Nancy Doyle — Neurodiversity at Work: A Biopsychosocial Model and the Impact on Working Adults (British Medical Bulletin, 2020) The peer-reviewed paper Tia references about why neurodivergence persists in the gene pool — and why that matters. Oxford Academic / British Medical Bulletin | PubMed
📊 CHADD — ADHD Prevalence Data (1 in 9 children) The source behind the statistic that approximately 1 in 9 U.S. children have been diagnosed with ADHD. CHADD General Prevalence Page
📊 CDC — Autism Spectrum Disorder Data (1 in 31 children) CDC's ADDM Network data showing approximately 1 in 31 children aged 8 years have been identified with ASD. CDC ASD Data & Statistics
📉 Negative Comments Research — ADHD & Neurodivergent Children Research (attributed to psychiatrist William W. Dodson) indicating that children with ADHD receive significantly more negative messages by early school age than their neurotypical peers. Free to Be Counselling Overview
How to Teach Kids Emotion Regulation | With Jon Fogel
23 Apr 2026
00:29:24
Episode Summary
In this warm and moving episode, Eli sits down with Jon Fogel — parenting educator, pastor, and author of Punishment-Free Parenting — to talk about his brand-new children's picture book, Set My Feelings Free, co-authored and illustrated by his wife Jess Fogel. Jon unpacks the surprising science behind Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, why music is the key to teaching kids emotional regulation, and how a 30-page book can do what 300 pages can't. You'll probably cry. Eli definitely did.
Key Takeaways
Secure attachment and emotional regulation are not the same thing. You can grow up securely attached and still have significant gaps in how you model and regulate emotions — and that's okay to acknowledge.
Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was peer-reviewed science. Every episode was reviewed by developmental psychologist Margaret McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. The show was deliberately designed to teach emotional regulation through music, repetition, and child autonomy.
Music is a limbic tool — it directly activates the same part of the brain driving a child's dysregulation, making it uniquely effective for teaching regulation strategies in the moment.
Teaching a 3-year-old emotional regulation is not as hard as teaching yourself — the obstacles are almost always the parent's own unprocessed emotions getting in the way, not the child's capacity.
The 5 tools in the book (diaphragmatic breathing, movement, grounding/color game, visualization, and naming feelings) were carefully selected to cover every kid, including ADHD kids who don't respond well to breathing alone.
Repetition before bed is the key delivery mechanism. Reading the book nightly before sleep leverages the brain's heightened receptivity to learning during memory consolidation — backed by behavioral neuroscience.
Naming feelings alone isn't enough. Jon drew on the work of Marc Brackett at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — naming must be followed by moving through a regulation strategy.
Cycle-breaking parenting is like learning algebra while still learning to add and subtract. The children's book handles the foundational math so parents can focus on the harder, deeper work.
About the Guest
Jon Fogel is a parenting educator, pastor, author, and creator of the @wholeparent social media platform with over 1 million followers. He is the author of Punishment-Free Parenting: A Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice and the newly released children's picture book Set My Feelings Free, co-created with his wife and illustrator Jess Fogel. Jon is currently pursuing his PhD in developmental psychology and serves as senior pastor at Hope Covenant Church in Orland Park, Illinois.
How To Deal With the Adolescent Rollercoaster | With Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett
01 May 2026
00:38:03
How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll BennettEpisode Summary
If you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real science, real talk, and a boxing metaphor that will change how you show up for your kid.
Key Takeaways
Adolescence is not something to survive — it's something to lean into. The mood swings, the push-back, the withdrawal: it's developmental, it's hormonal, and most importantly, it's not personal.
Puberty is starting 2–3 years earlier than it did a generation ago. Average onset is now ages 8–9 for girls and 9–10 for boys. The first sign? According to pediatric endocrinologist Louise Greenspan: a slamming door.
ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and socioeconomic stress accelerate puberty through chronic cortisol release — not race. Kids of color are often entering puberty earlier, and this intersects with data showing that adults tend to age children of color as older than they are, creating an unfair double burden.
Sex hormones surge and drop every 6–12 hours — which is why your kid can seem perfectly reasonable at breakfast and completely dysregulated by dinner. It's not you, it's biology.
Your job is to be the corner person, not get in the ring. Like a boxing coach, your role is to offer a place to rest, encouragement, and steady presence — not to fight their battles or fight them.
Silence is not rejection. A teen who won't talk still wants you there. Try the car, the walk, the lights-out bedtime check-in — and if all else fails, just sit in silence. Stay.
When you mess up (and you will), own it and repair. Research shows kids gain respect for parents who apologize and take do-overs. It also models exactly what we want them to do with their mistakes.
Your attitude toward adolescence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you dread it, they'll become dreadful. Studies show kids absorb the expectations adults project onto them.
About the GuestsDr. Cara Natterson
Dr. Cara Natterson is a pediatrician, speaker, educator, and one of the foremost voices on tween and teen health. She is the Founder and CEO of Less Awkward and the New York Times bestselling author of The Care and Keeping of You series with American Girl.
Vanessa Kroll Bennett is a USA Today bestselling author and co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast. As President of Content at Less Awkward, she helps adults navigate the challenges of raising tweens and teens with joy and humor.
How to Deal with Parental Stress (Scripts + Strategies) | Nerd Notes with Eli
13 May 2026
00:20:12
Episode Summary
Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.
Key Takeaways
Stress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both.
Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten.
Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond.
Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your body needs to move through — via movement, venting, crying, or physical expression — or it accumulates.
The "F-it Bucket" is a real strategy. Not every stressor deserves equal energy. Deliberately release the unnecessary ones.
Witnesses reduce stress. Having people who say "I see you, I get it" is neurologically powerful — community is medicine.
Talking to kids about stress teaches them to self-regulate. Simple scripts like "I'm having a stress response in my body" model emotional literacy your kids will internalize.
Some stress is productive. The goal isn't zero stress — it's the right amount that motivates action without causing paralysis or chronic agitation.
📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood (mentioned in episode — includes a full section on perfectionism)Amazon | AttachmentNerd.com
About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (MA, LPC) is a licensed therapist, USA Today bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates peer-reviewed attachment research into practical, shame-free guidance for parents. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, Securely Attached, Uniquely Us, and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To.
Navigating the Complex Terrain of Foster Parenting | With Laura Foster Partner
09 May 2026
00:29:17
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.
Key Takeaways
Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children.
Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing.
The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary.
Expanding your window of tolerance as a caregiver — not just changing the child's behavior — is the key skill in trauma-informed fostering.
Even if you foster a child for a short time, you may be "the one home" they remember as the safe place that helped them heal years later in therapy.
The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) framework helps us understand risk factors, and foster parents are one of the most powerful protective factors a child can have.
Burnout is common and valid — give yourself grace, ask for help, and focus on what you can control each day.
About the Guest
Laura — The Foster Parent Partner is a content creator, therapeutic foster parent, and author who supports the foster parenting community with practical, trauma-informed guidance. She has built a community of nearly 300K followers across social platforms and channeled that expertise into her new book, First-Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care.
📋 ACE Questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences) — The CDC-Kaiser study measuring childhood trauma risk factors and adult health outcomes — CDC ACE Study Overview
How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Porn | Nerd Notes with Eli
05 May 2026
00:19:30
How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About PornographyEpisode Summary
After a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you the scripts and the confidence to show up for one of the most important conversations of their childhood.
Key Takeaways
Regulate before you educate — process your own feelings first so you can show up calm and clear for your child
Timing matters — choose a low-pressure moment (weekends, car rides) when your child has emotional bandwidth to absorb the conversation
Pornography is not reality — teach kids that the bodies, acts, and dynamics they see on screen are often inaccurate, demeaning, and not representative of healthy, mutual sexuality
Many people in pornographic videos are not there by choice — help kids understand they may inadvertently be consuming content involving trafficking or abuse, and that there's no reliable way to tell the difference
Arousal is automatic — and designed — explain to teens that the arousal they feel watching porn is engineered by the platform, not a moral failing, and walk them through the shame-arousal cycle that leads to addiction
Shame is the primary fuel for pornography use — an open, non-judgmental dialogue at home dramatically reduces the risk of a child developing a secretive, compulsive relationship with pornography
Screen limits reduce exposure risk — delaying smartphone access and building real-world social skills provides meaningful protection
You can course-correct — even if you've already given a young child a smartphone, it's never too late to change the rules with honesty and love
About the Host
Eli Harwood (she/her), MA, LPC, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates decades of attachment science into warm, practical, shame-free parenting guidance. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To, and the creator of the Secure Parenting Program.
📖 Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page(includes a full chapter on navigating tricky topic conversations with kids)
📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page(Eli's newest book — helps parents work through anxiety, shame, and emotional baggage so it doesn't pass down)
📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — Buy on Amazon | Author Site(research on smartphones, social media, and the mental health crisis in young people)
🎓 Secure Parenting Program by Attachment Nerd — Join Here(pay-what-you-can, lifetime access, community support)
How to Deal with Sleep Stuff | With Rachael Shepard-Ohta from Hey, Sleepy Baby
15 May 2026
00:29:36
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.
Key Takeaways
Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.
You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.
The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.
Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.
Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.
Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.
There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.
Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.
About the Guest
Rachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.
🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.
🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.
🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.
🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.
😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.
🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.
📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.
How to Deal with Trauma Triggers as a Parent | Nerd Notes with Eli
20 May 2026
00:20:29
Episode Summary
In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.
Key Takeaways
Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity.
Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity.
Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things.
Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system misreading the present as the past. A new event is genuinely difficult — and you're allowed to recognize that difference.
Body memory is real. Your nervous system stores trauma as physical sensations — not just explicit memories — which is why healing requires body-based work, not just talking.
The "red berry" metaphor: Your brain tries to protect you by pattern-matching past threats — but it can misfire on your toddler's tantrum the same way it would on a real danger.
Healing practices matter. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two evidence-based modalities that work with the body to process trauma, not just the mind.
Glimmers are your anchor. The concept coined by Deb Dana — small, grounding moments of safety — can be intentionally cultivated to help rewire your nervous system toward regulation.
There is a safe grown-up in the room — and it's you. Looking at your hands, your age, your capabilities can help your body recognize you are no longer the child who was powerless.
Every day is a new day to rewrite your story and choose how you respond.
About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) is a licensed therapist with 19+ years of clinical experience, USA TODAY bestselling author, and founder of the Secure Parenting Program. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one attachment relationship at a time.
The Art and Science of Playful Parenting | With Mia Wisinski
22 May 2026
00:29:48
Episode Summary
What if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "demand ruts," and a live round of the jingle game that you'll want to try at home tonight.
Key Takeaways
Playfulness is innate — it just gets "weaned out" of us. Every parent has a playful side; life, culture, and stress just suppress it over time. The good news: it's still there, and your body will remember it when you re-enter playful contexts.
Power reversal is the magic key. Letting your kids have the power — pretending to be the confused parent, the butler, the butt-dragged-around-the-room adult — gives kids a sense of autonomy and defuses tension faster than demands ever will.
Play doesn't require a time block. The most effective playfulness is woven into ordinary moments: doing the voice of the laundry hamper, turning dish cleanup into a levitation trick, singing your way through a routine. You can be playful while doing what you're already doing.
When you're triggered, pause and self-assess first. Before trying to flip into play mode, check in with yourself — most of the time the edge you're feeling has nothing to do with your kids. A little self-compassion ("of course you feel this way") creates the space to pivot.
Singing activates the vagus nerve. When you sing instead of bark orders, you literally force a longer exhale and start to move yourself out of fight-or-flight — which makes play more accessible even on hard days.
Play can also be a recovery tool. After a hard season or a tough stretch, a silly improv game together is one of the most effective ways to come back to each other and remember what connection feels like.
Isolation makes playfulness harder. We were never meant to parent in isolation. If you're struggling to be playful, it might simply mean you need more community — friends, other parents, or even a social feed full of inspiration like Mia's.
Kids remember the little silly moments. The random everyday bits of playfulness — like a mom who sings every time she takes her pill — become core memories for children. You don't have to engineer magic moments; just stay present and silly in the small ones.
About the Guest
Mia Wisinski is the founder of Playful Heart Parenting, which she started in 2023 after realizing playfulness was the missing piece in her own parenting. A theater educator, performer, and songwriter, Mia helps families use playfulness as a powerful tool for parent-child regulation and secure attachment — making it easy, sustainable, and genuinely fun for tired parents.
🎮 Tap Into Play App Bundle (Would You Rather, Plot Twist, You Are, Who Can Sound Like & more — 1,400+ unique prompts): playfulheartparenting.com/php-apps
Wired for Connection — 50 Years of Attachment Research with Dr. Alan Sroufe
29 May 2026
00:45:23
Episode Summary
In this episode, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. L. Alan Sroufe — Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota and lead researcher of the landmark Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — to unpack over 50 years of groundbreaking research on how early relationships shape who we become. From the origins of secure attachment to the surprising durability of worldviews formed in childhood, this conversation is a masterclass in what actually matters in parenting — and what doesn't. Dr. Sroufe also shares details on his new book The Development and Organization of Meaning, co-authored with his wife, June Sroufe.
Key Takeaways
Secure attachment means confidence, not closeness. Dr. Sroufe redefines secure attachment as a child's confident belief that their caregiver will be there — not how physically close they are kept.
The best predictor of empathy is having received empathic care. You can't tell your child to be empathic — you have to show them through your own responsiveness.
Early experience matters enormously — but it is not destiny. The Minnesota Study showed that both continuity and change are possible. Protective factors at any stage of life can shift the developmental trajectory.
Worldviews formed in infancy shape how children interpret ambiguous situations. Kids with secure histories tend to assume accidents were accidental and people are helpful; kids with insecure histories may assume hostility where none exists.
Peer relationships are critical labs for learning conflict resolution. Children learn things in peer relationships they simply cannot learn from parents — because peers are equals.
Resilience is a developmental achievement, not a trait. It is not something you're born with and it's not permanent — it is built through experience and relationships over time.
"Good enough" parenting is real and validated by data. The Minnesota Study was surprised by how many children from poverty were securely attached — even with only modestly sensitive parenting.
You don't need tricks. You need a mindset. Secure attachment is not a checklist of behaviors — it is a relational orientation of attunement and responsiveness.
Your child will teach you what they need. Pay attention to their cues — even a baby turning their head away is communicating something real.
All research is "me-search." Dr. Sroufe and Eli both reflect on how their own histories drew them to this work — and why that's a strength, not a weakness.
About the Guest
Dr. L. Alan Sroufe is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology at the University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development and the lead researcher of the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — one of the most important and longest-running prospective studies of human development ever conducted, now spanning over 50 years. He is the author of A Compelling Idea and co-author (with his wife June Sroufe) of the new book The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships.
📖 The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships — L. Alan Sroufe & June Sroufe Cambridge University Press | Amazon
🔬 The Strange Situation (Mary Ainsworth) — The foundational attachment assessment procedure discussed throughout this episode Learn more
🏫 Dr. Robert Pianta's Teacher-Student Relationship Research & MyTeachingPartner Program (mentioned by Dr. Sroufe re: school-based secure base interventions) University of Virginia — Measures by Dr. Pianta
🌱 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development (TBRI®) — Texas Christian University (mentioned by Eli in reference to her AAI training) child.tcu.edu