(Watch this episode on YouTube.) Today’s episode is all about the thrilling yet sometimes messy and confusing world of crushes. We’ve got three letters: "I have a pattern of falling for people who are unavailable. Should I tell my new friend that I have a crush on her, even though she's in a longterm relationship?" "I told my coworker I had feelings for him. I think he has feelings for me too but...he has a girlfriend." "I'm engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years, but I have a relentless crush on someone new. Should I still get married?" Send your letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com. 0:00 What to expect in this video 00:47 This week’s letters  1:22 Letter 1: “Can I be friends with my crush?” 2:50 Response to Letter 1 begins  4:43 How we use B&W thinking to protect ourselves 9:00 Failure is not regression  12:21 Script: “We can’t be friends”  13:02 Letter 2: “I’m in love with my co-worker” 14:45 Response to Letter 2 begins 15:55 What’s spiking my Hayesy senses  18:30 Stop hoping he’s going to change  20:59 Finding the love you deserve 21:31 Letter 3: “I’m not sure I want to marry my fiance”  22:43 Response begins  24:45 Pros of couple therapy  25:41 Hayes’s thoughts on “forever” 27:25 “Relationships are hard” 28:00 What your crush means Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when you're invited to an event with a plus one...but you have no one to bring? Is it better to go alone or to bring a friend? On this week’s episode of the Hello Hayes podcast we’re chatting going to events solo, finding confidence in yourself, and doing the hard thing because you can. I also share the story of how I embarrassed myself in front of my work hero a couple of weeks ago...and how I'm reframing it so I don't obsess about this any further! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode covers work friendships, the pitfalls of perfectionism, the merits of over-communication, what I wish I knew when I started working, how to have awkward conversations with work besties, and probably more. Who knows where this brain will go! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Watch video on YouTube.] "My girlfriend and I have different relationships with our appearances, and social media is a part of that. We’re both girls in our early 20s and this is my first serious relationship. She loves to get dressed up and take photos and videos of herself to post, whereas I don’t really post selfies at all. What a silly thing to worry about, right? And yet, I find that I continue to struggle with it." Welcome to Hello Hayes, an advice podcast where we don't claim to have all the answers, but we do try to find them. Together. In today's episode, we're talking about how to handle social media in relationships -- specifically when one person likes to post selfies and the other doesn't. You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/afhayes Follow along for more episodes of Hello Hayes: https://www.youtube.com/@alexandrahayesrobinson?sub_confirmation=1 👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋 Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?" ✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️ 10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers read my weekly(ish) newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who are able to support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year! Subscribe: https://hellohayes.substack.com/subscribe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Watch this episode on YouTube. In this episode, Hayes celebrates getting her motivation back and shares the top 10 tips that have helped her this year. 👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋 Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?" ✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️ Join the 10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers who read my weekly(ish) newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who can support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Watch this episode on YouTube.] In this week's episode of the HELLO HAYES podcast, I answer an advice letter about how to deepen connections with new friends in a new city. Send me your letters at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Listen to Carlye's podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/show/6aarIjhCYglA4gn8e1H2nl Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Watch this episode on YouTube] Today I'm answering two letters from our community about feeling excluded: one takes place in a wedding (bridesmaid stuff), another in a group chat. I also give the full backstory on the Reese Witherspoon story I shared on my Instagram (@afhayes) last week, and why that moment feels so important for me. Listen to my conversation on The Bright Side here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6tlanMiHjaYTFMk6bktrRj Timestamps: :00 - Introducing episode theme 1:12 - Why this episode is a little different 2:40 - The Bright Side podcast interview 3:28 - My fear of interviews 5:57 - The advice I gave myself before the interview 10:27 - Eating too much of a gummy 11:20 - REESE WITHERSPOON!!!! 13:10 - My break from TikTok 14:29 - The takeaway for all of us 16:49 - Bemused Bridesmaid: "My Friend Isn't a Bridesmaid and Feels Left Out" (Letter 1) 19:00 - My response to Bemused Bridesmaid 31:37 - Ousted: "My Friends Don't Respond to Me in the Group Chat" 33:33 - My response to Ousted 47:40 - Lonely: "My OG Besties Went on Vacation Without Me" 49:40 - Questions for YOU to answer in the YouTube comments! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[video available on YouTube] Today on the pod I talk about turning 31 and unpack all the complicated and contradictory things I feel about my birthday. Then, around 15 minutes in, I do a rapid fire Q+A of some of YOUR questions about birthdays, including (but not limited to): Is it fair to expect my partner to throw me a birthday party? Why am I always disappointed even though I expect NOTHING on my birthday? How do you (me, Hayes) feel about physically aging? AND MORE! There's no longform Hello Hayes advice column this week, just the two of us chatting. I hope you enjoy the change of pace, it was nice to just sit and reflect with you. See you next time! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Hayes writes a letter to IMPENDING 50-YEAR-OLD-VIRGIN, who is in her mid-20s and feels embarrassed...about everything. We talk about shame and how to wrangle it, and model what a truly loving conversation with yourself feels like. Thanks for listening! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the show, for the very first time, Hayes sits down to get advice from her dear friend and author of NEW HAPPY, Stephanie Harrison. We talk about everything from how to support friends during a tough season of their life to Hayes's very personal (and hopefully relatable!) struggle with work. Pre-order Stephanie's book here. Follow The New Happy here. Follow Stephanie here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this week's episode, Hayes dives into a subset of emotions we're usually too ashamed to talk about: jealousy. And envy. Because apparently they're two different things?? Up until last week, Hayes was using the words synonymously...but not anymore. Hayes gets personal in this episode, sharing her contradicting feelings about her 2020 wedding to how her relationship with "beauty" has evolved over time. We have letter writers, too, all in tough situations: First we have Third Wheel, who has concerns about her husband’s flirtatious friendship with a college friend. Then there's Aching Auntie, who isn't ready to have a baby herself...but feels jealous of her pregnant sister-in-law. And at the end we hear from Resentful Roommate. This one has a friend, also a roommate, who’s always been “the pretty one” of the group. Now that friend has what seems like the perfect boyfriend, and, our letter writer just can’t feel happy for her.  Send your advice letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello Hayeselnuts! In this week's (shorter) episode, we're talking about money. Specifically...how to handle sensitive, awkward, and sometimes painful conversations about it. Send your advice letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Watch on YouTube. (9am EST) 0:00 - Introduction 1:04 - Overview of the 3 letters 1:46 - Letter 1: Estranged from family 3:50 - Response to letter 1 begins  5:02 - Why certain phrases trigger us 7:12 - What I’ve noticed making an internet advice column 9:37 - Ideas for the future 12:03 - Why it doesn’t feel sustainable to bite your tongue 16:05 - Being honest about your reaction 17:33 - Letter 2: Don’t like best friend’s boyfriend 19:02 - Response to letter 2 begins 20:30 - The lost dream of being “couple friends” 22:56 - When your friend gets cheated on 24:31 - Reflection questions when you don’t like your friend’s bf/gf 28:24 - Do this for your friend 29:28 - Letter 3: Your BFF is always in and out of relationships  30:30 - Response to letter 3 begins 31:00 - Having self-awareness 31:51 - Inserting ourselves into other people’s problems  32:30 - Breaking our own patterns 33:43 - Having a tough conversation  35:26 - Getting clear on YOUR terms  39:00 - Exclusive question for Hayeselnuts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Video only on YouTube.] In this week's episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about friendship break-ups: what leads to them, how we process them, and if we can prevent them from happening. Hayes explains the differences between friendship break-ups and friendship shifts, and why it's so important we understand the nuances of our feelings (and the situations that cause them!). Plus we set the record straight once and for all: friendship break-ups are just as painful and real as romantic ones. Send your advice letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the first episode of 2024, Hayes answers three advice column submissions about feeling inadequate. In the first letter, we hear from someone who has yet to find a lasting love…all the relationships ended amicably, but they can't help but wonder if there’s something wrong with them? In the second letter, a high school student notices a change in their friendships, and asks me: how do I stop comparing myself to other people and start putting effort into things that give effort back to me? And in the third letter, we hear from someone who is worried that jealousy will ruin their current relationship. They ask, how can I improve my self-esteem and stop living in the past? Send your advice letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode of Hello Hayes we’re talking about how romantic relationships can impact our friendships, for better….or for worse. We get a refresher on the often overlooked but essential archetype in the six bestie theory: the seasonal bestie. We learn from a single person and a partnered person, and even though we all come to this conversation from a different view point, I hope we leave it feeling like we understand each other a little bit better.  Send your advice letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

(VIDEO ONLY ON YOUTUBE) it's HOLIDAY SZN and with it comes a whole lotta feelings. who better to talk about them with than Hayes? (your therapist. your therapist is probably a good person to talk about them with, too.) in this episode of hello hayes, we hear from three letter writers who have specific concerns about the week ahead: there's a sister who's navigating a major conflict within her family, a girlfriend who wonders why her boyfriend doesn't want to celebrate the holidays together, and a daughter who wants to put her mom's food shaming to bed once and for all. Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

(VIDEO ONLY ON YOUTUBE) in our season one premiere of Hello Hayes, we hear from three letter writers who are all struggling in some way with expectations of their friendships. whether it's a close friend who doesn't talk about their *personal life* (ahem, i'm talking PERSONAL) or an old friend who doesn't seem as invested in the friendship, Hayes shows us how the six besties framework can help us process and reframe our relationships. plus, she corrects a misconception about north star besties, shares how to stop comparing yourself to other people's friends, and explores why some people get sooooo caught up in their weddings. Follow Hayes on Instagram and TikTok. Watch the episode on YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

starting tuesday, december 12, TikTok's favorite advice column Hello Hayes is finally available as a weekly podcast. each week, Hayes responds to three letters from the community of Hayeselnuts...these are the stories that are too complex for a 3-minute TikTok — they’re surpising, heart wrenching, and deeply human. video available on YouTube! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Watch on YouTube. 1:11 - Letter 1: “My friends are slut shaming me” 4:42 - Don’t call it a “hoe phase” 8:47 - Apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong 10:37 - Should a man be ready to marry you after 1 year? 15:16- The 4 questions to ask before confronting someone 17:00 - Letter 2: “My sister makes me feel bad about my body” 19:00 - Sibling dynamics 20:32 - Pick your battles 22:24 - The pros/cons of sarcasm 23:30 - An earnest conversation (add HALEY CONVO HERE) 26:30 - If they never stops bullying you 28:25 - Letter 3: “My friend thinks I’m more privileged than I am”  30:00 - Confronting our pleasure 32:30 - Intersectionality matters 33:40 - You still have a right to your pain 34:43 - Knowing your audience  36:30 - The friend’s comments 37:41 - The question you should always remember Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Watch this episode on YouTube. What do you do when your best friend's live in a different city than you and are always posting about how close they are? What about if most of your bridesmaids don't post pictures from your wedding, even though you posted pictures from theirs? How do you talk to a friend (who is also an influencer) who's always posting stuff on social media when you're together? In this week's episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about social media, jealousy, and friendship. Send your letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com mwah 0:00 - Overview of the three letters 2:33 - Letter 1: My BFFs always post each other 3:30 - How feeling lonely impacts our life 5:26 - Feelings are different than reality 6:56 - What IS the reality in this situation? 13:33 - How do we stop feeling left out? 15:33 - How to handle this moving forward 17:13 - Should you tell them how you feel? 20:30 - Letter 2: Bridesmaids didn’t post about my wedding 23:42 - The case for practicing restraint 25:50 - Is a wedding an achievement? 27:48 - Feeling inadequate 28:00 - A reframe to help 29:55 - Speaking your truth 32:00 - Letter 3: OG bestie is an influencer 34:10 - Am I (Hayes) an influencer? 35:00 - Showing empathy for your friend 37:23 - Reflection question to ask yourself 38:00 - How to talk to her in the moment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode I'm joined by writer and fellow internet advice giver, Haley Jakobson. When I teased this episode on insta stories a couple of weeks ago, saying “the guest wrote a book on friendship breakups,” dozens of you guessed it would be Haley, and alas, you were right!!! Haley is the author of OLD ENOUGH, a novel that explores, yes, friendship breakups, but also queerness and bisexuality and being a survivor and growing up and away from who we in the Hello Hayes universe call an OG bestie. As I shared with Haley in our 1hr+ conversation, her depiction of friendship explosions were so vivid and familiar that I felt physically uncomfortable while reading. The novel can be heavy but in the safe and skilled hands of a writer like Haley, I felt held the entire time. OLD ENOUGH has the full weight of a Hello Hayes book recommendation!   Our conversation covers what we’ve learned about ourselves as writers, why friendship break-ups are so painful, a Hello Hayes (and Haley) question about having a crush on a coworker while you’re in a relationship, and so much more. I cry at one point, obviously. 0:00 - Who is Haley Jakobson? 4:20 - Selling her first book 8:00 - Stepping in front of the lens 10:30 - Writing about pain 13:23 - Our love of book "Acknowledgments" sections 14:00 - Earnestness is underrated 15:30 - A hate comment that I still think about 19:00 - Friendship break-ups 19:30 - Vow of celibacy from best friendship 25:18 - What does the patriarchy have to do with it? 32:00 - Why Hayes admires Haley & unexpected tears 35:42 - On not being an "Emily Henry" type of writer 37:00 - The duality of Haley & the creation process 41:45 - The worst question aspiring writers ask 43:00 - What Hayes has learned about herself as a writer 45:30 - "Creative foreplay" 45:00 - Spontaneous vs responsive desire 49:23 - Writing sex scenes 53:00 - Hello Hayes letter 1:05:44 - The story behind the title OLD ENOUGH   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Travel and friendship can be complicated, especially when it comes to group dynamics and exclusion. In this week's Hello Hayes, we're talking about how to navigate the complexities of travel and friendship. 0:00 - Introduction 4:28 - Overview of the 3 letters 5:48 - Letter 1: “My OG besties went on a trip without me” 8:21 - My personal experience getting “excluded” 10:30 - Why it hurts to fall out of touch with 12:10 - How to handle the situation 15:00 - Should you ask: Why wasn’t I invited? 15:58 - What to say instead 16:40 - Feeling like everyone’s talking about you 18:14 - Letter 2: “How do we tell someone why they were excluded?” 19:25 - The problem with exclusion 20:03 - Tough love 22:52 - The responsibility of being in a friend group 23:50 - What to do in the future 26:10 - Why this isn’t about “boundaries” 27:44 - Why I chose this letter 28: 27 - Letter 3: “My friend won’t stop texting her boyfriend on vacation” 30:00 - Why I don’t watch TV with friends 31:25 - From WTF to compassion 36:25 - Script 1 39:00 - Communication tip: “Keep it consistent” 39:50 - Script 2 43:45 - On being “jealous” 45:45 - Hayes’s phone etiquette rules You can find me on Instagram here. Watch episodes of Hello Hayes here. 👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋 Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?" ✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️ 10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers read my newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who are able to support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year! Subscribe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Watch on YouTube] I'm back to reading three letters today! Yay! This week's episode is wedding-themed, but I promise the details in each letter are relevant even if you're not engaged yourself. 👋 SAY HI 👋 You can find me on Instagram here (behind the scenes, personal storytelling). On YouTube here (longform and mini video advice columns). On Substack here (my writing and exclusive announcements). 👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋 Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm not a fan of reading my published writing months/years after it's been published, but I'm making an exception today. In this week's episode, I'm reading the first ever Hello Hayes column I ever wrote. Thanks for being here with me. Subscribe to my Substack here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Live from the east coast! This week I'm telling you about a lesson I learned on my recent flight from LAX to Boston (thx for teaching it, Brob). While this experience didn't cure my turbulence-related anxiety completely, it's getting me a little closer...and is also helping me reframe some other challenges in life. xx Hayes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Want advice? Send letters to hellohayesadvice@gmail.com Her friends say she’s too young to get married — but she’s never felt more ready. This week on Hello Hayes, we unpack what to do when the people closest to you don’t support your biggest life decision yet. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's say you want to build a new life for yourself: make money, have great friends, get to travel…and you're on your way! But what happens when you suddenly look around and realize that no one can relate to what you've been through or where you come from? Are those relationships doomed? Was it crazy to ever think you could be different from where you come from? In today's Hello Hayes, we're hearing from a 20-year-old college student who feels like the poor friend in every room — and is wondering if she'll ever feel fully seen and understood in her relationships. Topics covered: friendship advice, class differences, financial stress, college relationships, feeling misunderstood, building authentic connections Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Everyone wants (and) deserves an inner circle full of people they trust, but sometimes we get in our way own while searching for them. In this episode, we're talking about the three main ways we sabotage building our inner circle, how we can begin to properly build our inner circle brick by brick, and at the end, I'm answering an advice submission from someone who feels like everyone else has tight knit friends except for them. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Flaky friendships are tricky. Sometimes it’s about priorities, sometimes it’s burnout, and sometimes… it’s just poor communication. In this rapid-fire Q+A, I’m answering your questions about what it really means when friends flake — and how to tell the difference between a friendship worth saving and one that’s run its course. Thank you to everyone who submitted on Instagram! (https://www.instagram.com/afhayes) This episode was actually recorded six months ago as a bonus I never released (I'm sorry), but it’s still relevant today. Whether you’re hurt by a friend who keeps canceling or you’re the one who flakes and feels guilty about it, there’s something here for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Soooo, my husband bribed me to run a 10K for diamond earrings. That's SIX POINT FOUR MILES! But this episode isn’t really about running. It’s about love, discomfort, and doing things you’re not good at…on purpose. In this episode of Hello Hayes, we talk about why I said yes to something I hate, what it means to show interest in your partner’s world, and why it's worth stepping outside your comfort zone. Whether you're a runner or not, this one’s for anyone who’s ever avoided something just because they might fail. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Hello Hayes, I'm unpacking one of the most common — and surprisingly complicated — questions I get when I tell people I moved across the country: "Have you made a lot of friends?" I share why that question trips me up, how my answer has evolved after moving to a new city, and why focusing on the amount of friendships might not be the most helpful way to think about building your life. Whether you're trying to make new friends, feeling stuck socially, or rethinking what friendship even means, this episode is for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I tell you all about why Brian and I decided to adopt a dog and give you an honest recap of what the first week has been like. We dive into the wonderful parts...and the parts that are truly scaring the shit out of me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Hello Hayes pod, I'm reflecting on my beliefs about Botox. Why haven’t I done it yet? Is it moral superiority or genuine disinterest? No final answers here, just honest questions and an eyebrow or two (literally) raised. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when something doesn’t sit right, but addressing it feels risky? In this episode of Hello Hayes, I’m answering three advice letters that circle around one big question: Should I speak up, or move on? We’re talking about backhanded compliments, financial secrets, flaky friendships, and the moment you start to wonder if you’re asking too much — or just finally seeing things clearly. If you’ve ever questioned whether to confront someone or let it go… this one’s for you. 0:00 Introduction 2:35 Letter 1: "He Says the Wrong Thing About My Body" 22:04 Letter 2: "I Don't Trust My Fiance With Money" 35:18 Letter 3: "This Friendship Feels One-Sided" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is therapy making everyone selfish? A friend asked me this question the other day...and I have thoughts. So in this episode of the Hello Hayes podcast, I’m sharing my personal journey with therapy and tackling your biggest therapy questions — from knowing when therapy is working to dealing with therapists who overshare, and the fear of facing what you might find out about yourself. Let's dive in :)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

in this episode, I’m sharing 12 lessons I learned at 31 that helped me get to a happier place — from rethinking success and letting my friends show up for me, to embracing fear and finding joy in the little moments. Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or just navigating life, I hope these lessons help you find happiness, too. 💛 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the Hello Hayes Guide to Giving Good Advice! If you’ve ever struggled with knowing what to say when a friend asks for guidance (or felt frustrated when someone gave you bad advice), this episode is for you. As an advice columnist (Hello Hayes), I’ve spent years answering your letters and helping people navigate life’s toughest situations. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to actually help YOUR people — without being overbearing, judgmental, or just plain unhelpful. We’ll talk about: ✔️ Why advice isn’t a prescription—it’s a map ✔️ How to support people without controlling them ✔️ The difference between helping and fixing ✔️ Why people don’t always want your advice (and what to do instead) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Originally published on YouTube.] Introducing, the Hello Hayes Six Besties Theory. This friendship theory has changed my life and I’m so excited to share it with you. In this explainer video, we’re diving deep into the six essential bestie archetypes: The North Star, The Seasonal, The Good Time, The OG, The Dead Body, and The Work Bestie. But this isn’t just a list! By the end of the video, you'll learn the real life scenarios that inspired this theory, how my friendships have evolved over time, why some besties stick around while others fade away, and a problem I ran into when I shared this theory for the first time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all have feelings we wish we didn’t. Jealousy, resentment, comparison...the kind of emotions that make us feel a little gross, even though they’re totally human. In this advice column episode, I’m answering three Hello Hayes advice letters about: 💔 A former friend struggling to let go of resentment toward their ex-best friend’s success 🤰 A woman grieving a miscarriage while navigating her cousin’s pregnancy (TW: See timestamps below to skip this section!) 💍 And a bride-to-be who suddenly isn’t sure if size matters when it comes to engagement rings Instead of pretending we’re above it all, let’s actually unpack these feelings and figure out how to deal with them. TIMESTAMPS: 0:00 - Our ugly feelings 1:13 - Letter 1: My ex-best friend is thriving, and I hate it 12:40 - Letter 2: My cousin’s pregnancy announcement hit me hard 25:23 - Letter 3: My fiancé’s twin bought a bigger ring... and now I feel weird Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can my significant other or sibling be my best friend? Do North Star besties have to be reciprocal? Is there any type of friend who I can expect to text every day? In this episode, I’m answering your most frequently asked questions about my Six Besties Theory! If you're not familiar with the theory, you can watch my Six Besties, Explained video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY5v2LreUrU&t=1s Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

this week we're talking about sibling relationships, age gaps, and growing up with divorce. I recently posted about the 8.5 year age gap between me and my younger brother, and how, as a kid, I often felt like a third parent to both of my siblings (can't forget my sister, the sweet middle child!). i wrote that this dynamic has definitely impacted our sibling relationship today, as well as my own feelings about becoming a mom. i was BLOWN AWAY by how many of you responded with similar feelings, or just generally asked me to talk more about this topic. so in this episode of Hello Hayes, we're diving into all those feelings. thanks for being here and let me know what your relationship with your siblings is like! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

my loves, welcome back! after taking a much-needed podcasting break, I’m back with a reimagined vision for the Hello Hayes pod. in this episode, I share why I almost walked away for good and the lessons I learned about failure, growth, and change. plus, I answer an advice submission about finding direction in life when you feel like you’re starting from square one. whether you’re navigating your own reset or just need a little inspiration, this episode is for you. You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/afhayes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

See you next year, Hayeselnuts! Hello Hayes survey: https://forms.gle/Jtv2BKr2Wafy75gh6 In the meantime, connect with me on Substack, YouTube, and Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about long distance friendship: how to make friends when you move somewhere new, but also, how to maintain the friendships that are now separated by miles and miles and miles. Hayes invites one of her North Star besties Matt onto the show to discuss. References: Dear Noah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfAzhnguXBc 00:00 Cold open 00:42 Topic intro: Long-distance Friendships 2:23 Meet Matt 4:43 Our first impressions of each other 10:03 Be each other’s biggest fans 12:14 Making friends in a new city 16:43 Scoping people out on Instagram 18:25 The risk of rejection 21:50 How to go from self-pity to action  23:30 20s vs 30s & NYC vs Chicago  24:53 “Do I want to quit?” 26:26 Nostalgia vs regret 28:17 It’s OK to be sad 31:53 Hayes and NYC 33:07 Getting honest about our LDF  35:40 “Is it my fault?” 36:25 Having trust in your friendships 38:00 Inside Out 2 40:10 What happened on Hayes’s birthday 43:00 The challenges of long distance friendship 47:00 It’s hard to say THIS 48:11 Feeling pressure to check-in 50:00 Team Voicemails  54:00 A secret Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[Watch on YouTube.] This week on Hello Hayes, we're talking about flaky friends. Hayes answers three advice submissions about a distant childhood friend, feeling disconnected from your single besties, and how to deal with someone who always cancels. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

(Watch on YouTube.) This week on Hello Hayes, I'm answering an advice letter....from myself. After experiencing what I call a "grief explosion" last week, I needed to give myself some advice. Thanks for being here while I talk it out with you. Crying is OK. Grieving is OK. Trying new things is OK. Planning to protect yourself...is OK!!! Please let me know what you thought of this episode. If it goes well for all of us, I might incorporate more of these "solo" episodes in the future. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Content warning: Letter 2 includes a brief reference to SA, no details. It’s not the focus of the letter, but I do bring up the context of being a survivor. If this makes you uncomfortable, see the timestamps below to skip. This week on Hello Hayes, Hayes answers three advice submissions about how to balance two people's physical needs in a romantic relationship, advocating for our needs and fantasies in bed, and whether it's okay to talk to your friends about your sex life. (PS: If you have any personal experiences to share about asexuality, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and/or open relationships, please tell us in the comments! This is a very nuanced conversation and I realize I'm just scratching a surface in the first letter. Would love to hear from all of you and keep the convo going.) 00:00 Introduction 00:36 Talking about sex 02:44 “What will make us satisfied?” 07:51 What is asexuality? 10:17 Compromise is necessary 13:49 Define intimacy as a couple 18:39 Ethical non-monogamy 26:45 “I want more adventurous $ex" 29:06 Speaking up for what you want 31:16 Unpacking expectations 33:57 Taking the lead & communicating 38:13 Contextualizing being a survivor 40:52 When to bring it up 43:21 “Can I talk to a friend about my relationship?” 44:31 Sharing experiences individually 49:18 Trust in a confidant 51:14 Proceed with caution The Trevor Project is a great source of information and support for the LGBTQ+ community. Website here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How much should you sacrifice for someone who won’t do the same for you?That’s the question behind this week's Hello Hayes letter , written by someone who has given everything to her relationship and is starting to wonder if it’s being returned. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices